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The Dating Den

Each week on the podcast, I’ll be interviewing the world’s top experts in attraction, dating, communication, sex, and relationships, as well as coaching real women LIVE, through their real life dating challenges… that are probably a lot like yours!
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Now displaying: March, 2017
Mar 26, 2017

Have you ever met a guy that was just sooo right for you in every way…

Except one (as in the important one!)?

I mean he checked all your boxes…

You know he’s smart, sensitive, handsome, evolved, successful (or at least employed…

Basically he was great on paper, but...

You found him a little... uninspiring?

If so then you are going to love this episode!

You will want to listen to it before every date to make sure you are paying attention to the right things.

The topic of today’s show is not sexy but trust me you need it. My guest, Ken Bechtel has 15 years experience as a guide and educator. He helps women understand what women need to make men fall in love with them. He also helps them to create the conditions to attract the ideal partner. He’s been providing guidance about relationships as far back as grade school. He is a minister who performs weddings, has a podcast about partnerships and is so very smart when it comes to dating. 

How to Get Clear About What Your Needs Are? [5:44]

Women are in ‘maybe land’ relationships. They convince themselves that maybe this is enough and they settle. This behavior is typically an indicator their needs aren’t being met.

Ken advises women to pay attention to how you talk about your relationship. Are you excited about it? People pleasers put themselves last and believe that once their guy is happy they will be happy. But, it’s just not true.

Men Are Born Providers [10:49]

Men need to know what your needs are so he can provide like he was born to. Mr. Right isn’t really a person. It is a feeling you have when you are around a person. It is the feeling of having your needs met.

Ladies, you need to get over saying “oh, it’s ok or it’s cool.” Quit making excuses for not having your needs met! It’s ok to get what you want. If you continue dating the same type of guy maybe what you are looking for isn’t really what you need.

There is not one need in the world you are not worthy of!

An Example of When a Woman Goes to Maybe Land [17:16]

The way a man responds to your needs is a strong indicator of what kind of partner he will be. If he’s dismissive, especially at the beginning of your relationship, that is the way he will be for the duration of the relationship. Guys bring their ‘A’ game when they start dating someone. It is the best he has so pay attention! If he isn’t all you need now he won’t become what you need later.

Partnership  [20:45]

The choices we make for partnership are rarely easy ones. Women should get to know their needs and express them. There is no such thing as a small need. Little needs turn into big deals.

How Can Women Determine What They Really Want? [24:10]

Even if you are unsure what you are looking for you understand how something makes you feel. Your feelings are unarguable. It doesn’t matter if you understand why you feel a certain way. Your internal guidance system is telling you to pay attention to how you feel.

It’s ok to have feelings. For those who live in the feminine,  it is natural to be emotional but many of us have been told it’s not ok. We try to hide the fact that we have feelings. There is a big difference between someone who is being dramatic and someone who is being genuine.

Authenticity is the second biggest reason a man falls in love with a woman.

Why Setting Boundaries is Difficult for Women [27:53]

Women are hardwired to thrive on connections and this is what makes setting boundaries so tough.  It’s opposite of what they think they should be feeling. But, Ken says, boundaries aren’t about defensiveness. Boundaries are about ownership. It tells someone else where your space starts.

Men love women with strong boundaries. If a woman has been clear they know exactly how to give them what you need. Help them help you by sharing what do you need to be your best self.

Boundaries need to be clearly set and set early on in a relationship.

Men are the world’s worst guessers. Help them out and set them up to win.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Ken Bechtel

Ken’s “Real Story” Webinar

The Speaking of Partnership Podcast

Mar 19, 2017

Dr. Sheldon Kardener is the creator of Focused Dynamic Therapy which identifies early threads that have been woven into the fabric of our current lives. He currently serves as a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA. In his book, Breaking Free he illuminates how emotional conflicts develop and how they can be treated with psychotherapy.

You are going to love this episode. My guest’s brilliant book changed my life. So much so, I often share it with my clients.

 

How is the Process of ‘Breaking the Chains’ Different from Other Approaches? [4:36]

 

The process makes the patient’s emotional realm accessible to the therapist and the patient. This allows the patient to be a co-therapist in their own discovery which is vital to successful therapy. It facilitates the relationship which assists the curative process.

 

Why Are High-Achievers Unable to Make a Breakthrough?    [7:49]

 

High-achievers are able to function because they are free of the pull of their early unmet childhood needs in their professional lives. They may have conflicts in relationships because the old needs come roaring back. But they will separate their professional and personal lives. These people may have a lot of friends but no one they are intimately close to.

There is a tremendously powerful emotion in maintaining what we don’t want and it competes with what we do want.

 

A Mission Impossible [13:18]

 

Dr. Kardener believes we always marry our emotional twin. We are drawn to a person who would understand what it was like to come from the home we came from. We do this in order to fight an old battle on a new battlefield with hopes this time we will win. We spend our time, energy and effort in the present trying to change the past.

 

Becoming an Emotional Adult  [16:29]

 

Naomi Rachel Raymond once said, “There ain’t no healin’ without grievin’.” Part of the process of healing is focusing in on what you are holding on to and what you are looking for but never found and grieve the loss. We feel ‘lost in space’ and all alone when we let go but it is a risk we must take to get what we want.

After birth, if our first connection was difficult we flee to an independent state. It is apparent in dating when we don’t get too close for too long. Many who have this experience never reach intimacy with another person.

 

The Law of Attraction Isn’t A Law At All [30:32]

 

If you are in the dating game, Dr. Kardener recommends if you find yourself powerfully drawn to someone and the person does not repel you, go out with that person as an adult and know that person as an adult.

Remember ladies, attraction is a double-edged sword. If the attraction is strong you may just want to revive conflicts from your childhood.

 

The idea of love at first site is really familiarity at first site.   

 

Advice for Black & White Thinkers [35:19]

 

Those who think in absolutes are often reflecting a conflict that occurred between 7-11 years-of-age. A person may become the exact opposite of the parental figure they had a conflict with. If you become aware you are thinking in a binary mode you have the opportunity to change and make other options available to you.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dr. Sheldon Kardener

Breaking Free

Mar 12, 2017

I know you ladies have a love-hate relationship with online dating. And, most of you hate it.  So, I decided to bring Michael Goldstein to give us some tips! Michael is a successful private dating coach, public speaker and author. He has been on the Today Show as well as featured on Reader’s Digest, Star Ledger, Shape Magazine and NewJersey.com.

Michael says you can meet YOUR guy only after 6-8 dates.

Which Online Dating Site is the Best? [2:04]

Michael loves OkCupid if it is used in conjunction with his system. He says the algorithm gives you a match percentage of the available guys and if it’s 90% or higher chances are you will have a great conversation on your date.

6 Points to the Perfect Profile Picture   [7:04]

1. Have a solo photo.

2. Make sure the photo is square.

3. Make your face 8-15% of the picture.

4. Tell a story through your photos.

5. Use as many photos as possible.

6. 80% of your photos should be stunning.

Be honest with yourself when evaluating your profile.

Get to the Date as Soon as Possible  [18:58]

It’s not necessary to flirt online. Michael says pull the trigger and ask the guy for a date. If you send a man a message to ask for a date you could be his only message all week from the site. He is going to pay attention.

Put This in Your Profile [22:45]

This is the most important online dating advice you will ever be given. Tell stories and be specific in your profile! Michael says women should make their descriptions 3-5 sentences and give men hints as to what to message you about.

Find Love Efficiently [33:11]

If you are looking for love don’t use Bumble or Tinder. If you want to find your perfect guy, message 50 guys who have a 90% or higher match rate and you would rate them above a 4 on your attractiveness scale, in 20 minutes. Pick the best two responses and go out on a date. If you get a response you are not sure of, ask the guy to pick up the phone. If you are still not sure who to respond to follow these 3 steps.

1. Read the profile.

2. Check the match percentage.

3. Pay attention to the message.

95% of the messages women receive from men will not be intriguing. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

OkCupid

How to Find a High Quality Man in 3 Easy Steps

EZ Dating Coach

Mar 5, 2017

I love, love, love my guest on today’s Dating Den! Carol Allen is

an inspirational badass, a Vedic Astrologer and a Relationship Coach. And, she is partially responsible for my marriage to Jeremy.

 

Carol has contributed to my tele-summits, Daily Candy called her cooler than karma and Dr. Drew called her advice profound. She has been my longtime friend because she is the real deal and she really cares.

 

Communication Between Men and Women [3:55]

 

Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. Carol says, through communication you can ruin good thing or fix a bad thing. Carol’s relationship with her husband is the perfect example of how powerful a tool communication can be to a relationship. After a 4-year breakup, Carol honed her communication skills and now she and her husband have been married for 20 years.

 

Good communication skills affect every area of your life.

 

Create a Safe Atmosphere if You Want Your Man to Talk   [7:32]

 

The biggest complaint women have about men is they shut down and they don’t talk. A man will only share if he feels safe.

 

A major difference in men and women is that women talk about everything and men can keep thoughts and feelings inside for months or years. But Carol notes, women are naturally designed to people please. If women feel like their words will cause a conflict, they won’t say it.

When women close up they go into one of two modes.

 

● Bambi mode is needy and clingy.

● Banshee mode is aggressive.

Both modes are repulsive to men. These modes take men by surprise because we have been saying we are fine and then suddenly we hit him with our need or our rage.

This is why men say women are crazy and dramatic.

Carol points out there is a third mode which will foster trust and respect in a relationship and men find it attractive.  Women should be respectfully assertive towards their man, so he doesn’t feel he has been talked down to. When women withhold we make the man’s feelings more important than ours. 

If women don’t speak up for their needs it sends a signal to the man that it is ok to put himself and his feelings ahead of them. 

Am I an Alpha Female or a Beta Female?  [17:46]

An Alpha person is direct, to the point, ambitious and dominant. While a Beta is a person who is here to ‘be’. They may tend to follow and not be proactive or a go-getter. But we are all not just one or the other. We may be different with different people.

It’s important to know, we are happier with people who compliment our different ways and behaviors.

Knowing who you are dealing with helps you to communicate. Relationships get easier with time because you know your partner better.

If a guy is sensitive and chill a woman should use feelings based language to communicate with him.

Communicating Through a Conflict   [23:05]

Figure out who is having a bigger issue with the conflict. If it’s the guy you may have to cater to his feelings. Ask yourself what does he really need?

It’s important to talk to the other person in a way they can hear. There are no exact rules because we are all different.

 

Why Do Men Run to the Hills? [28:15]

 

When a woman acts like her hair's on fire. Basically, men freak out when we freak out. The more you can treat a guy like you are on the same team or let him know he’s not in trouble the better off your communication will be.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Navigating The Gap - Free Call

Carol Allen Astrology

Carol Allen on Facebook

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