Tired of getting nowhere by beating yourself up for every little imperfection?
Do you wish you had someone who knew exactly what you needed and when you needed it?
Well, you do. It’s you. You CAN comfort yourself and be stronger because of it.
Marni welcomes Dr. Kristin Neff to the Den to discuss the beauty of self compassion, what it is and what it isn’t, and how your self esteem can be boosted by it so that you can get off the emotional roller coaster of dating. Dr. Neff is an Associate Professor of Human Development and Culture at the University of Texas at Austin.
Her findings can help you to be a resilient dater, to achieve all the things you want in life, and to be an awesome partner for your high quality man.
What is Self Compassion? [2:08]
Normally, we give compassion to others but not inward towards ourselves. If someone is suffering we feel the urge to help in some way. You are aware they are suffering, you respond with kindness and you offer support. In the case of self compassion you follow the same strategy but apply it to yourself.
Self compassion, is not self-pity.
If you have a tendency to be harsh or to unjustly judge yourself you can cause unnecessary anxiety and a fear of failure. When you practice self compassion you are not afraid of failure and when you do fail you are more likely to pick yourself up and try again.
Self-compassion is not self-care.
You Have a Built-In Caregiving System [8:07]
Supportive Touch can be putting your hands on your heart, holding your own hand or giving yourself a hug. A gentle touch can make us feel safe and we can do it for ourselves. You can release oxytocin and opiates to help yourself relax.
When something hurtful happens we can get lost in the story of what's happening. When we practice self compassion techniques we can step outside of ourselves and recognize that we need kindness and support.
Be a good friend to yourself.
Accepting Ourselves for Who We Are [17:25]
For most people, their sense of self-worth is based on achieving success. As a result, our sense of self-worth goes up and down because we have “good” and “bad” days. Practicing self compassion can keep us more stable and it steps in when self-esteem deserts us.
It's not about being good, it's just about being a human being worthy of love and respect. When we realize that everyone struggles we can be a loving, connected presence.
Approach things from a place of fullness instead of a place of lacking.
Resilience [27:20]
Self-compassion is one of the most powerful sources of strength and resilience we have. Rigid things can break, if you are flexible you can bounce back. If you support yourself in difficult times it will be easier for you to get through things.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!
Make a Connection:
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Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
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Dr. Kristin Neff @ Self Compassion.org
Ladies you are going to get so much out of today’s coaching session because Jane experiences a deep shift during our conversation.
Jane is a smart, successful woman with a big heart who hasn't been able to bust out of her unhealthy relationship patterns. We are going to help her figure out what is keeping her stuck.
Jane has had a lifetime of unhealthy, even toxic relationships. She is trying to find a space within herself where she can change her energy to attract a healthy relationship.
You Have Self-Esteem, But is it Conditional? [03:01]
Jane has been working on building her self-esteem. She knows she is deserving of love but she still hasn't shifted because she doesn’t feel worthy.
Jane fears that her long-term patterns will keep attracting the same man. Her father was emotionally unavailable and abusive. Her mom wasn't available to her because she was always focused on her father. Jane took on the role of the good girl in the family. She felt like a ghost. She couldn't say no. She still creates this in her adult relationships.
Redefining Love [11:31]
Jane wants to be authentically herself in a relationship. But, she's attracting guys she thinks will leave her or be emotionally unavailable like her father. Jane realizes she has trouble letting her guard down.
If she Jane trusted herself:
● she would be discerning.
● she would recognize the red flags.
● she would have boundaries.
The missing piece is Jane needs to let go of the fear and redefine how she would feel in a loving relationship. To move past her sad story, she needs to act like she has nothing to lose and that she is the victor.
The only way to release the victim energy is to start doing something different, to start showing up as a woman who is open and who trusts herself.
Jane’s Homework [24:45]
I ask Jane to create a Superhero Alter-Ego that aligns with who Jane wants to be in a relationship. For two to three minutes a day, Jane needs to install this new identity and while squeezing her fists repeat a mantra based on what she wants to manifest in her life.
A solid mantra is:
I am loveable.
I am enough.
I am smart.
I am sexy.
I have boundaries.
Great men want to date me.
It is ok to feel safe because you are safe.
Make a Connection:
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
So many ladies ask me about flirting! Does flirting have to be sexual? How do I flirt if I am an introvert? And the popular, how exactly does one flirt?
I decided to bring in an expert to answer all of your questions.
Patti Contenta is a professional dancer, choreographer and the Founder of Sensuality Secrets. Her e-book, Desirable and Deserving and her video series Sexy in Seconds help women to find more playful techniques to flirting, build self-esteem and to exude a self-confidence quality men are magnetized to.
How to Flirt Without Putting Out a Sexual Vibe [3:18]
So many women shut down because they don't want to send a sexual vibe when flirting. Internal self-confidence struggles can make a woman rigid and fearful. Patty has developed a flirting formula which starts with being a charismatic person first. Her ‘How to Create Rapport Through Charisma & How to Use Body Language to Enhance the Experience and Make it More Romantic can transform the way you flirt.
4 Virtues to Becoming Charismatic [7:20]
Working with a woman’s natural style is important. Charisma is leaving someone with a positive impression of you and leaving the other person with a positive impression about themselves.
The four virtues that someone else should feel in your presence are:
A - Appreciation
C - Connection
E - Elevation
S - Self-Expression
Focus on the human connection, display your individuality, and be a good story teller.
Transition Tools for Women [32:08]
Patty says the key to connecting with another human being is to become the kind of person who owns their experiences in life. And, when you want to take it to the next level. Start with charisma and turn up the dial with non-verbal cues to make you feel more sensual. It will flow naturally.
To get to Wa-Wa-Woo try self-touch. A man will notice you are more in your body as your feminine sensual nature slowly shows through.
Be comfortable with who you are and the body you have.
Make a Connection:
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
Fearless Flirting with Patty Contenta