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The Dating Den

Each week on the podcast, I’ll be interviewing the world’s top experts in attraction, dating, communication, sex, and relationships, as well as coaching real women LIVE, through their real life dating challenges… that are probably a lot like yours!
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Now displaying: November, 2017
Nov 23, 2017

Do you want to be a badass but can’t get out of your own way?

 

Do you want a different life but can’t seem to break on through to the other side?

 

Guest, Amy Ahlers, gives you the tools to be the fantastic, empowered woman you want to be.

 

Amy is the best selling author of Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves and Creator of Inner Mean Girl Reform School. Amy is a certified life coach, who has been in the business for 17 years, her podcast, Momma Truth is inspirational. Amy’s mission is to stop women from being hard on themselves and cultivate the courage to follow their inner wisdom.

 

Why Do Women Bully Themselves? [4:45]

 

Women are harder on themselves than anyone else is on them. The meanest girl is the voice inside our own heads. She is brutal as she compares your worst to everyone else's best, she demands perfection and tells you - you are too fat, skinny, tall, etc. Her volume needs to be turned down. 

 

At age 6 to 7, is when inner dialogue begins and when our inner mean girl is born.

 

You can not kill off your inner mean girl but you can turn down her volume!

 

The 13 Inner Mean Girl Archetypes [9:33]

 

There are 13 Inner Mean Girl archetypes. Not every inner mean girl is mean, some are very, very sneaky.

 

Is your Inner Mean Girl one of these?

 

The Comparison Queen

The Achievement Junkie

The Good Girl

The Rejection Queen

The Perfectionist

 

Find the 8 other Inner Mean Girl Archetypes in Amy’s book, Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves.

 

Draw and name your Inner Mean Girl.

 

How to Turn Down the Volume of Your Inner Mean Girl [25:36]

 

The goal of turning down your Inner Mean Girl’s voice is to find and nurture the voice of your inner wisdom.   

 

Play the Best Case/Worst Case Scenario Game:

  1. a. Ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that can happen if I accept a date? How likely is it to happen?” then, “What's the best thing that can happen?” and “Is it worth the risk?”

   2.    The Wake Up Call 3-Step Process:

a. Ask yourself, “What is my inner mean girl saying?”

b. Close your eyes, take a deep breathe and ask your inner wisdom for guidance.

c. Repeat back your inner wisdom's truth while doing a physical gesture.

Your inner wisdom always tells you the truth.

Men Have Inner Meanies Too [34:36]

Men are hard on themselves too. They are just as nervous to go on a date as you are. The #1 things men are hard on themselves about is financial concerns. They don't want to be a loser.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Take the Inner Mean Girl Quiz

Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves: Ditch Your Inner Critic and Wake Up Your Inner Superstar

Nov 12, 2017

Do your clothes look the way you feel? We should all be expressing our personal flair, even in a professional environment.

 

Christine Malsbury shares her amazing tips and tricks for expressing your personal identity through your clothes. And believe it or not, it’s all about the quality of the clothes, not the quantity.

 

Christine has spent decades on creative transformations and supporting individuals in institutions in their journey towards "authentic voice", style, beauty and productive systems. In 2015, she launched her Brazen Beauty Movement. Consulting with women on style and wardrobe transformation, professional business development, communication, image, and visibility strategies. She was a Professor at Vassar and her own clothing conundrum led her to create a Girl Boss Closet.

 

Your Clothes Should Match Your Personal Identity [8:47]

 

As a Ph.D., Christine felt she had to look a certain way but it stifled her essence. She says clothing is about personal identity but it’s also about belonging. There is a beauty-industry media complex in the US. Women are exposed to airbrushed beauty or the reaction to it which is ‘sweatpants’.  The middle ground had been obliterated from our national consciousness.

 

The essence of Christine’s Brazen Beauty Movement is that you can be awesome and smart and good at what you do and be pretty, it's all okay. She felt like she couldn't be beautiful and be smart at the same time. She had compounding messages around what women's beauty should be.

 

Quality Over Quantity [17:56]

 

What we wear is a careful dance between fully and authentically expressing who we are and expressing to people strategically what we want them to understand about us.

 

On a date, a woman should feel really good in her clothes. A woman should wear something that makes her feel her best.

 

Buying higher quality pieces and not tons and tons of clothes. The quality is something that gets communicated right away and the price per item goes down the more you wear it.

 

When hiring someone Christine asks herself “ Do they have the visual principals I need in a person?”

 

The Capsule Wardrobe Concept [24:28]

 

The Capsule Concept was popularized by a couple of bloggers who looked at trends from the 70’s. It's taking off in a big way now. The Capsule forces a woman to clarify her style. And to make thoughtful mindful choices.

 

The societal implications of the capsule wardrobe are that it helps you express your beauty and it can be an anti-consumerist stance.

 

Brazen Beauty Tips and Tricks [35:37]

 

1. Feel good in your clothes.

2. Pick one feature to accentuate.

3. Wear color.

 

Coco Chanel said to put on all of your jewelry and just before you leave the house, remove one item. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

The Brazen Beauty Movement on Facebook

Nov 5, 2017

One in three women were sexually abused as children.

And, as a result, your relationships (or lack thereof) as well as any chronic illness are directly impacted by childhood traumas.

My guest, Dr. Meg Haworth Ph.D. has survived sexual abuse, drowning and being struck by lightning. She healed over a dozen illnesses including fibromyalgia. As Founder of Lightning Women, she helps women to overcome the wounds of sexual, physical and emotional abuse and chronic illnesses.  

During the early days of trying to heal herself, Dr. Meg realized her emotions were stuck in her body and part of her was still in the trauma. She tried meditation, yoga, and retreats and while she made progress she still didn’t have the outcome she wanted. It wasn't until she engaged in transpersonal psychology (healing by way of the energy system spirit or soul). that she got through and decides to help others get through too.

Why Can’t We Just Get Over Abuse? [7:24]

It's hard to access the loving part of yourself when you are sick all the time. We find ourselves spinning in the emotional stuff.  And even if you have been in therapy, traditional psychology focuses on the mental and emotional but you stay in your story. You stay a slave to the unconscious parts of the story which are secrets held within the emotions.

The experience of being abused as a child is a psychic shock which causes us to become dissociative. We are not associating with our physical reality because we disconnect from it.  We are aware that the sexual part of us is a life-giving force. It's a sacred part of us and when that gets violated in a violent manner by a person in authority or who is supposed to be caring for us it creates a deep trauma.  

Moving Towards Healthy, Intimate Relationships [11:14]

Female Sexual abuse victims tend to push a man away in an instinctual way. We are afraid to go deep into love so we go for emotionally unavailable men. We create a keep love out, keep love away system. It creates a very confusing reality.

A female adult sexual abuse survivor often tries to please a man and often they put his desires first.

Dr. Meg says to start by defining what you need for yourself. It is ultimately your relationship with yourself that helps you get the relationship you want with someone else.

Tell men not to treat you with kid gloves. It only reinforces the belief that you are damaged goods.

Dating with Dignity [16:57]

Women are confused about what they want and what is acceptable. A pushy guy can trigger a sexual abuse survivor, and that’s not the kind of guy they want to be with.

To find a healthy man, a man that is truly interested in you, make sexual non-negotiables for yourself. Be thoughtful about how you show up on a date.

Healing Through Whole Person Integration  [22:04]

There is a link between chronic illness, childhood abuse, and family dysfunction. If you lived with your abuser as a child you were in a fight, flight or freeze mode all the time. Your body was constantly secreting the hormones adrenaline and cortisol. The build-up in the system becomes very toxic. The immune system becomes weak.

Emotions go through every cell of your body. Holding onto shame or secrets can lead to cancer or autoimmune disorders.

To heal women need to adopt a new and different belief system, a complete mindset shift and an energy exchange.

Heal yourself with love.  

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dr. Meg Haworth

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