Breaking up is a big deal. Are you doing it for the right reasons?
Have you had just about enough of his inability to talk about your relationship goals?
During this coaching session, Marni works Erin through her indecisiveness about breaking up her one-and-a-half year relationship with a nice guy. Because, it's normal to feel confident and decisive and then face fear and uncertainty.
We all have to make decisions, acknowledge the pain of change and to move on from it in the healthiest way to learn and grow from it.
The Relationship Backstory [2:42]
The guy Erin dated for approximately one-and-a-half years was unable and unwilling to share. He didn’t understand why she wanted changes in the relationship when he wanted things to stay the same. She had to make a decision to stay in the relationship and play small or get out.
Honest and open dialogue was the value piece that was missing from their relationship. It was a deal breaker and a core value for her. Her ex had a pattern of avoidance. He would get defensive and to mask the pain he would put it back on her. Bottom line, he is emotionally unavailable.
Do you feel you have to mute who you are to avoid conflicts in your relationship?
How to Work Through Communication Issues [12:55]
Marni recognized that during the couples conversations they would skip understanding each other’s feelings and would head straight from strategy. Erin would go into coaching, teaching, and fixing but her feelings never became part of the conversation. It always became geared toward her ex.
Erin realizes she would have an expectation that they would spend time together but would never gain agreement from her ex that they had a concrete plan. She would feel like she wasn’t important to him.
Erin wanted to hear that she was important to him and that he wanted to spend time with her. In the future to connect to shared values or to have a common desire with a partner she should have a curiosity conversation to find out how he feels.
Her relationship was missing these three non-negotiables:
1. The common value of open communication and dialogue.
2. No one took responsibility.
3. There were no common relationship goals.
Why He Isn’t the Guy for Erin [27:01]
Erin has a strong desire for growth and she needs a partner who can talk through conflict.
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Do you cringe at the thought of telling your new guy how much you like him?
Have you ever held something in your heart but been unable to speak it out loud?
Has someone hurt you and ten years later you wish you would have said something?
Well, today’s guest, Tristan Coopersmith, is here to help us connect and amplify our inner voices to create an authentic life. Tristan helps people unlock and unleash their true voice.
She is a licensed psychotherapist and a creative guide who helps women heal and release their past wounds so they can be free to identify, explore and share who they are. She is the Founder of Life Lab, a women's self-development sanctuary in Hermosa Beach. She conducts classes on self-love, self-awareness and personal growth. Her book, Menu Dating: Taste-Test Your Way to the Main Course is a must-have dating guide.
Our Voice is Our Portal to Freedom [4:57]
Tristan believes if we can completely unlock and fall in love with our voice, and believe that it's meant to be heard all barriers are eliminated. She says, our inner voice is our inner knowing. It's the voice you hear when your eyes are closed and your gut tells you it’s the truth. It is this voice woman tend to be scared to listen to. Women often quiet their inner voice but we should be embracing it and using it to guide us through life.
If you want to connect to your inner voice when you are indecisive, flip a coin.
Effectively Expressing Our Truths [10:39]
Listening to our inner voice and translating it into our outer voice is an actual skill. It doesn’t matter how old we are if we have never learned how to do it we will have difficulty expressing ourselves.
When our communications chakra is developed in between the ages of seven and twelve, it sets the stage for the rest of our lives. If we only hear no, no, no it can have a big impact on if we believe if speaking our voice really matters.
Dismantling Communication Blocks [13:34]
If we try to avoid conflict in the outside world we only create a conflict within ourselves. Most of us have 5 or 6 core values that we base our decisions on. When someone doesn’t honor our core values we get shaken up on the inside.
Tristan says if something has offended you, consider if it goes against one of your core values and how long will it actually bother you.
Stepping Into Integrity and Speaking Your Mind [17:51]
We can't fix other people we can only speak our truths. Tristan says it is important not to take on someone else's issue on as our own. It is easy to create stories about our worth based on other peoples actions. But, it's not healthy. We can only speak up for what we want with integrity based on our core values.
Bring forth apologies from a place of authenticity, not from a place of not feeling worthy.
Tap into your inner voice and say what you mean without being apologetic for it. Authenticity is attractive and it feels good!
Make a Connection:
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
Menu Dating: Taste-Test Your Way to the Main Course, by Tristan Coopersmith and Todd Johnson