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The Dating Den

Each week on the podcast, I’ll be interviewing the world’s top experts in attraction, dating, communication, sex, and relationships, as well as coaching real women LIVE, through their real life dating challenges… that are probably a lot like yours!
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Now displaying: 2019
Dec 27, 2019

In this practical conversation about refocusing your attention on yourself to have a healthier dating life, Marni speaks with author and podcast host Kasie Main. Kasie discusses her book, I Gave Up Men For Lent: The story of a jaded, hopelessly romantic, health-conscious party girl’s search for meaning, and the strategies she used to shift her mindset around dating. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • The difference between wanting and needing a relationship 
  • Getting in touch with who you really are
  • How to overcome resistance when examining your motives
  • The importance of discovering your ‘why’
  • Shifting your mindset around dating

 

Finding Balance When You’re Out of Control [2:38]

 Kasie reflects on a time when she was a people pleaser only doing what other people expected of her. She admits to getting off track of what she really wanted from life and focusing too much attention on finding a partner. Her past was littered with Disney movies and stereotypes that fostered the belief that she had to find her better half to be complete. She had an attachment to how her life was supposed to look.

 

She shares a personal story of a night out that led to massive guilt and shame. It was then that her intuition told her enough is enough. She knew she needed a change so she gave up men and a few other distractions for lent. 

 

Kasie admits she is still in process and doesn't have it all figured out. But, she says, taking the first step of becoming aware that she needed a relationship with herself was paramount to being emotionally healthy. For 40-days she refocused her attention toward herself. 

 

Overcoming Residual Feelings  [23:19]

Journaling made a major impact on Kasie’s search to uncover past patterns and discover her ‘why’. She says that writing out her experiences helped her take a deep dive into her motivations. Her book, I Gave Up Men for Lent is based on her journal entries. Sharing her shame and guilt with others allowed her to release it completely.

 

We are always doing the best we can, even when it doesn't look like it. Self-introspection allows us to shift our mindset and ultimately have healthier relationships because we have a better relationship with ourselves. 

 

The Hardest Part of the 40-Day Project [32:14]

 By completely removing dating from her life, Kasie wondered if she was being too extreme. She had the courage to take the first step but found herself wondering if she had taken it too far. The hardest part of Kasie’s process was finding a balance. Success came from her self-actualization and not from the stringent rules she placed on herself.

 

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Kacie Main Website

The Better You Podcast

I Gave Up Men for Lent 

Dec 20, 2019

In this informative conversation about releasing the limiting beliefs that hold us back from getting what we truly want, Marni speaks with expert planner, Dr. Kerry Ann Rockquemore. Dr. Rockquemore offers actionable steps that lead to discovering what you truly want from life and relationships and the structures and strategies to help you manifest it. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • Leveraging a Type A personality in planning
  • Getting clear on what a meaningful life is for you
  • Discovering your worthiness to have a meaningful life
  • Uncovering your truth through high-quality questions
  • Overcoming resistance
  • Actionable steps for growing a joyful relationship

 

Create an Annual Plan Using the 4 Essential Elements of a Meaningful Life [3:10]

 Getting clear about what a meaningful life means for you is the first step to creating your annual plan. Dr. Rockquemore admits that even she doesn’t enjoy planning but says without it you can get stuck in a life you don’t enjoy. Starting with these four elements will illuminate what you desire in the new year. 

 

  1. Relationships
  2. Purpose
  3. Growth
  4. Health

 

Have you asked yourself what you want from a relationship? Tap into your inner wisdom by using a combination of emotions, reason, and intuition. 

 

Overcoming Resistance  [17:22]

At a basic level, resistance is a subtle but powerful feeling that bubbles up making you want to do anything and everything but what you need to do to get what you desire. Fear is the underlying cause of resistance. When you start the process of creating a meaningful life it can be scary. Dr. Rockquemore confides that you have to be vulnerable. 

 

The next step of your creating your action plan is to write out your limiting beliefs.  

 

What things in your past are holding you back? It’s time to shed your story and create a new one that serves you. 

 

Creating a Growth Plan with a Partner [33:33]

Once you have devised personal strategies it is time to create collective goals with your partner. Moving toward something together can bring great joy to a relationship. Attaining small joint goals builds momentum toward achieving contentment and growth with a partner. 

 

One pitfall Dr. Rockquemore warns of is to understand it is not your role to hold your partner accountable. That, she says, is a recipe for resentment and conflict. Putting the proper structures in place to support accountability is the key to planning. 

 

Make a Connection:

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The Best Chapter — Kerry Ann’s Website 

@RunningintoFire on Instagram

Dec 13, 2019

In this intimate coaching call, Marni works with Jordana who is searching for hope. Jordana is a single mom with three children and is frustrated by a recent break up from a man she feels betrayed her. But, there is more to the story than Jordana realizes. Marni helps her unpack her feelings and gives her a plan to move forward. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • How to identify triggers from childhood events 
  • Aligning yourself with who you really are
  • How self-rejection affects dating
  • Embracing self-acceptance
  • How to grieve the loss of past relationships

 

The Heart of Jordana’s Dilemma [1:16]

 

Jordana reveals her devastation over her recent break up with an older co-worker. She says she begs him to love her again. She feels betrayed by him walking away. He was supposed to be there for her and her family. She has tried dating but finds it difficult. She wants to move on. 

 

She has three children and she feels like she will never find someone to love her or her children again. And, she says she put so much into her last relationship that she doesn’t want to start over. She's chasing the dream of a normal family. 

 

Childhood Wounds  [4:05]

 

Marni asks Jordana to describe her relationship with her father. She describes the anger and rage that was brought about by a break in the family unit that up until then was a source of love and comfort for her.  Dad had a “friend” at work and it was tearing the family apart.  

 

When we have a trauma at a young age it creates a deep neural groove. Until she heals it she will attract men who treat her the same way and she may be doing it to herself. Jordana’s ability to attract an emotionally available person will be hindered by the fact that she's leaking her issues and out of alignment with who she really is. 

 

When we feel shame or we reject ourselves it is hard for us to allow someone to love us because we don't believe we are worthy of love. 

 

Healing Homework [15:15]

 

Jordana has been avoiding her feelings. Marni recommends she grieves for her past losses and childhood trauma before starting her healing process. Then when she is ready she needs to feel into her feelings. 

 

To heal and move forward Jordana should: 

 

  • Imagine the 15-year-old in the middle of the fights between her parents and feel the disappointment and anger. 
  • She needs to find a quiet space, put her hand on her heart and say to herself ‘you are so scared and it’s OK’ to soothe the young girl inside her.
  • She needs to acknowledge her feelings.
  •  She needs to go on a dating fast and disconnect from all dating apps.
  • When she feels like she wants to text the ex she will sit with her feelings then soothe herself until the urge passes.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Nov 29, 2019

Marni speaks with a Clinical Psychologist with over 25-years of experience in working with people battling perfectionism. Dr. Margaret Rutherford recently released Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free From the Perfectionism that Masks Your Depression, a book she wrote to acknowledge the hidden epidemic of perfectionism and how it can be more damaging to your life than you know.  

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • Identifying the hidden epidemic of perfectionism 
  • The beauty of being vulnerable when dating
  • How perfectionism can block intimacy
  • How to recognize and release childhood patterns that no longer serve you
  • How to self-soothe after implementing behavioral changes

 

How Perfectionism Leads to Depression [2:23]

 

For most of our lives, many of us heard that perfectionism is a good character trait. Striving for excellence has been a common thread taught to us by parents, professors, and work colleagues. But, perfectionism is a critical aspect of depression and it gets too little attention.

 

Dr. Rutherford explains that it begins to become a problem when our perfectionism is fueled by shame and goes rogue. If perfectionism leads to a feeling of low value or failure, that's when we need to inspect our motivations. 

 

People who identify with depression based on perfection go to great lengths to hide their vulnerabilities. They try to control what other people think about them. Sometimes people who struggle with this can describe emotions but are unable to express their pain. 

 

There is an emphasis on perfection in the world of social media. 

 

How Perfectionism Blocks Intimacy in Dating & Relationships  [5:52]

 

When people become uncomfortable with stating their vulnerabilities it can impact their lives in dating and relationships. Sharing with others can open up a wellspring of emotion and increase life and relationship satisfaction. If perfectionists don't share with others they will never know if they will be accepted. 

 

Perfectionism can impact your ability to choose a good partner because if you feel someone isn't perfect you will feel as if you are settling. If your ‘picker’ is based on finding perfection you will never find what you seek. Women can sabotage perfectly possible relationships by holding men to the same standard of perfection they hold on to and it’s impossible to attain. 

 

Perfectionism is Rooted in Our Childhood  [22:39]

 

Do you take responsibility for everything? Do you manipulate your world so that you are always in control? Maybe you were yelled at or an alcoholic mom, or you believed you only had value if you were the best every time? Many perfectionists had to create a survival strategy to endure their families. But, why do they continue the same behavioral patterns as adults? 

 

To move past these survival strategies and grow, look at the emotional connections you may be suppressing. Does it scare you when someone knows too much about you? It could stem from being taken advantage of or made fun of in your childhood when you reveal your vulnerabilities. Acknowledge your perfectionism and honor it for how it helped you survive in the past.  Acceptance leads to personal growth. Go slowly and have compassion for yourself. It is a process that will take time but you are worth it. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dr. Margaret Rutherford Website & SelfWork Podcast Link

Perfectly Hidden Depression Book

Nov 15, 2019

Marni welcomes licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist Samara Fabrick into the den. Samara has been in private practice in Beverly Hills for 28 years. She specializes in working with clients suffering from anxiety as well as a specialization in relationship and couples therapy. She taught Making Marriage Work, a premarital course at the American - Jewish University for 15 years. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • Recognizing childhood triggers
  • Becoming clear about your relationship values
  • Normal marital hatred
  • Conflict resolution and repair
  • How to self-regulate 

 

Why Do Women Rule Men Out Too Early or Think They Can Do Better  [5:15]

 

When we are dating we have to be clear out our values and what we deem important to us. People tend to do best in relationships with people who have similar values. If you value ambition and drive, you will value that in a partner. 

 

On the other hand, if spending quiet time with someone is important to you dating a C-level will only cause you frustration because they won't be around as much. If being present is important to you don't date someone who travels a lot. It will only cause frustration. 

 

Perfectionism is rampant in this society, Samara says. It’s not beneficial and it only creates strife and woe in people. With social media and other forms of stimulation we always see someone richer, better, etc.. Thinking you can do better is a back door to not being fully committed to finding a true partner.

 

Is it Normal Marital Hatred or Perpetual Conflict?  [14:21]

 

There is a normal amount of conflict in long-term relationships. It’s how we resolve the conflicts that define our partnerships. In her practice, Samara attempts to tease out what is normal disdain for each other and which conflicts are perpetual conflicts. 

 

Everyone needs to understand that you can not change your partner!!  

 

Samara recommends asking yourself these questions to identify perpetual conflict versus normal marital hatred.

 

  1. Is this me or is this him?
  2. Are we fighting about the same thing over and over?
  3. Why is this bothering me so much or why am I being triggered?

 

When you understand your family of origin triggers you will recognize whether your partner perpetuates or replicates patterns from your early childhood.  

 

Managing Conflict & Having Repair Conversations [26:49]

 

One of the best repair tools is communicating that you understand where the other person is at or is feeling. It can be a simple apology. Instead of rationalizing and defending our behavior, try leaning into the other person and figuring out where they are coming from. 

 

The #1 skill to manage and repair conflict is self-regulation. 

 

Conflict is a natural part of being in a relationship. When we get in conflict with our partner we feel out of sorts and discombobulated. Many times we are just fighting to fight. If we feel our heart rate increase or know that we are agitated, Samara recommends taking a minute to regulate yourself and get yourself back into alignment.

 

 We can then address the issue as an adult and not as an 8-year-old kid. A good rule of thumb is that everyone can postpone a conversation as long as the person who postpones it re-engages the conversation after they have regulated themselves. If a partner continually avoids repair conversations the relationship will have perpetual conflict.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Samara Fabrick Psychotherapy

Nov 8, 2019

Marni talks with Ashleigh Leegie about how to eat clean when you are time-strapped. single, dating, or in a relationship. Ashleigh shares tips for saving time shopping, how to make nutritious vegetables versatile, and how to make preparing dinner a family event. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • What eating ‘clean’ means
  • How to eat healthy when you are single
  • Time-saving tips for busy working women
  • How an apron can make you feel sexy
  • How to change your mindset about cooking

 

How Busy Women Can Connect More Deeply to People in Their Lives  [5:57]

 

Ashleigh started noticing a pattern of allergies, disease, and illness in the people she loves. It was then she decided to begin creating ‘clean’ meals for her family. Her mother was from the South and her father was Greek and she trained as a chef, so being a foodie is definitely part of her nature.

 

Ashleigh chose the term clean versus healthy because she says, healthy can be interpreted differently. For her, clean eating means using ingredients she can pronounce, quality ingredients, like grass-fed butter and fresh garlic.

 

Women need to believe they are worth clean, healthy meals and make time for it. Changing your mindset and focusing on the things in life that are important to you is the first, big leap.

 

Tips for Clean Cooking:

 

  • Online grocery shopping 
  • Have the mindset to prepare
  • Make a list
  • Crockpot meals 
  • Get others involved

 

Ashleigh asks a lot of women what turns them off from cooking and many say they don't know what some ingredients in recipes are or the meal requires 45 minutes to prepare and they don’t have the time. 

 

Change your mindset about cooking — Your health depends on it!

 

Tips for Cooking with a Guy or After a Busy Day at Work  [33:19]

 

It sounds old school but putting on an apron can bring out your feminine, playful, nurturing self. An apron can be the perfect transition from busy working woman to domestic goddess. And, if you are cooking for a date they can be super sexy. 

 

If there are others in the kitchen with you give them a title and a responsibility in the food prep process. It is a way to bring people together and to divvy up the prep. 

 

Ashleigh’s Top Recipes for Singles and Dates:

 

  • Turkey Taco Lettuce Cups  
  • Greek Salad
  • Spaghetti with Meat Sauce
  • Skillet Lemon Pepper Chicken
  • Apricot-glazed Chicken 

 

Make every meal seem like a date night 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Simpleigh Cooked Website

Free E-book from Simpleigh Cooked

Nov 1, 2019

Marni sits down with the author of The Wild Woman’s Way, Michaela Boehm. Michaela is an internationally recognized counselor, teacher, and an intimacy and sexuality expert. She has a psychology degree and intensive training in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and hypnosis. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • How to transition between go mode and flow mode
  • Embracing the masculine and feminine energy within 
  • Connecting with the wisdom of your body
  • Being the CEO of your soul
  • How to be more approachable

 

Having Goals and Being in Flow  [2:20]

 

When you look at life its all go..go..go. Our external life is related to the goal aspect of us. And we need to get stuff done. It doesn't matter how you slice it, most of our functional adult life has to do with going and doing and getting things done. Many people get stuck in go mode. It's addictive. 

 

Goals and go mode are based in the head. Flow happens in the lower body through our intuition and pleasure. It all sits in the pelvic area, thighs, and the belly. 

 

You can be a beast and get things done and also relinquish yourself to flow. It’s not black and white.

 

It's not just one or the other because that is reductive. It's about having both - go and flow - but many of us are weak in the flow department.   If you are not in flow, when you go on a date you are stuck in the getting stuff done mode and that isn't the best way to attract a quality guy. 

 

The Wild Woman’s Way [9:44]

 

Michaela says moving your body in different ways can adjust how you feel. Move from being in your head and into the body.  Our bodies hold the realm of pleasure and connection. Staying in go mode resists the body’s natural patterns of flow and intuition. 

 

She says “we forget that in the body sits the wisdom of millennia. Millions of years really. When our bodies are neglected we lose the connection to our sexuality.” 

 

Michaela recommends doing something every day to spend time connecting with the wisdom with our body. Light a candle, put flowers on your desk, drink a cup of tea without scrolling through your phone. 

 

The quickest way to get connected with the body is to do hip circles.

There is a lot of power in our thighs. 

 

Pleasures are our birthright. We are born with an enormous amount of body intelligence and information. We are not machines. A quality conscious guy doesn't want or need a machine. 

 

Embracing Your Femininity [27:20]

 

The terms masculine and feminine are terms that are incredibly overused and misunderstood. We all have both the go and the flow in equal amounts. We are supposed to use the type of energy we need for certain situations. When women who are very functional, successful, and driven are condemned for not being feminine enough, it’s wrong. No one can take your birthright of femininity. You may not be overtly feminine but it's yours, so claim it. 

 

Femininity is pushed out of us. We are taught that go mode is where you get kudos, money, and validation. True leadership is taking responsibility for both our masculine and feminine aspects and to be feminine when we want to be. You can take care of yourself and also want to be with someone. 

 

Owning your femininity can be very sexy. 

 

Remember, we are the CEO of our soul and all departments need to report for duty.  You can’t trust a neglected department. Trusting all dimensions of ourselves will make us better contributors to relationships. Trust and nurture your femininity.

 

Those who believe that getting an alpha man allows them to relinquish control because it will be the man who calls the shots. But if those women think it through they probably really don't want to live like that. It's the romantic, erotic aspect they want to relinquish, not their whole life. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

The Wild Woman’s Way

Oct 25, 2019

Marni coaches Jasmine to date as a woman of value and that dating should be more than just hanging out or having an encounter. Jasmine has a pattern of accepting less than what she is worth when dating. They discuss how Jasmine can change her behavior and communicate clearly what she wants and what she deserves to get past the second or third date with a high-quality man.

 

Key Takeaways: 

  • Showing up as a woman of value
  • Communicating your needs
  • Attracting high-quality guys
  • Gaining confidence 
  • Breaking bad dating behaviors
  • Setting boundaries

 

Discovering Jasmine’s Dating Patterns  [1:37]

 

Jasmine says it’s normally not a problem to get a second date with the guys she meets. They pursue her for the second meet-up. But she says the second date may be more of an encounter or just hanging out.  

 

Marni reminds her that men often say that how the relationship starts that is how it's going to end. When a guy feels like he doesn't have to put forth any effort or investment he unconsciously feels like 'this woman isn't a woman of value'. 

 

Quality men are attracted to grounded and confident women. Because she is unsure of her value she doesn’t know how to communicate what she wants from dating. She doesn't like the 'if you want to come over, come over' scenario but she puts up with it. She wants to feel safe and not to get hurt. She just needs to change her behavior and communicate it. 

 

Being the low hanging fruit is easy. But it sends the wrong message.

 

Setting Boundaries and Showing Up as a Woman of Value [10:55]

 

Be the person you want to attract. If the guy can be lazy about dating you he won’t put much into a relationship anyway. 

 

Marni shares some strong but flirty language Jasmine can use to get what she wants out of a relationship. To make sure the guy is worth her time she needs to have her needs of feeling secure met. 

 

The guy needs to make an effort to date you. Marni reminds Jasmine that if she just has encounters she is making it too easy for the guys who aren’t looking for something serious. 

 

Jasmine needs to build her self-worth by changing her behavior with the guys she is meeting now. She needs to train a guy to treat her how she wants to be treated. 

 

The Takeaways and A-Ha’s [21:39]

 

Jasmine feels good about asking for what she wants. She trusts herself and she has self-respect. She wants to date with her dignity intact. When she starts pivoting she will meet men who treat her the way she wants to be treated. 

 

The right guy wants to make you happy. Tell him and teach him how to do it. 

 

And, she will get more dates when she starts dating men who are actually dating and not just hanging out. 

 

Jasmine’s homework is to collect data and change her behaviors. Her big A-Ha’s were:

 

  • It’s ok to say what she wants.
  • To realize men aren’t mind readers. 
  • Make sure her words and actions match if she expects that in return. 
  • Text messaging shouldn't be more than 2 or 3 times back and forth. 
  • She will remove the word ‘encounter’ from her dating vocabulary.
  • She is only going on dates.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Oct 18, 2019

Marni welcomes Man Panelist Chris Gillis back to the Den to discuss the fine art of getting the right kind of guy to notice you, the do’s and don’ts of texting, and the problem with playing manipulative games.  

 

Key Takeaways: 

  • Getting a guy to notice you
  • How to be feminine and direct
  • Men’s fears about asking you out
  • Texting do’s and don’ts
  • Giving a clear message to the right kind of guy
  • Asking him out without damaging his ego

 

The Fine Art of Getting a Quality Guy to Notice You  [4:41]

 

The men of Marni’s Man Panel say it's just as scary to approach women as it was 20 years ago. But now, they are worried about being perceived as a predator in addition to fear of being rejected. 

 

Chris thinks they may be using these fears as an excuse. Men require a certain level of confidence to go after what they want. If you don't know how to do something, like asking a girl out it makes it easy to default to apathy. 

 

Guys who are the most worried about being a predator are the nicest, least predatory guys. It's the guys who don't care about offending a woman that end up getting all the attention. It's frustrating to see. 

 

So, what can women do to give a clear message to the right kind of guy when they want him to ask her out?

 

Chris says there is an art to putting yourself in the way of a guy. He says men love to grab something for you or to do little things that make you happy. Ask him to pass you a napkin. Or, maybe he needs to pass by you to get his beer? Make it impossible for him not to bypass you. 

 

It is feminine to engage in a conversation. It's vulnerable to ask for help. A good guy will do it. Men are scanning all the time looking for clues women are interested.  

 

Ladies, turn up your game by smiling at him, play with your hair, and laugh at his jokes. Make it obvious. 

 

The Lowdown on Texting [13:09]

 

How are women supposed to know if it's ok to initiate a conversation via text? When is it crossing the line? Will it be perceived as too masculine or too assertive? 

 

Marni is in the old school camp when it comes to texting. If you have started texting with a guy but it's not continuous make the intention of why you are texing clear. Men want things to be clear.

 

Chris says things are different today. Dating apps can lead to a slew of messages. If you think a guy has possibilities, it's ok to throw out an idea via text. Guys egos are huge. They need to believe they are hitting on you. even though a woman is slowly capturing them. They want the girl to be the prize. They want to tell their friends how badass they are. 

 

Throw a softball. You get one free text message to see where it goes. 

 

Chris says guys hate the 'who is this?' reply when a girl clearly has the name and number saved in her phone. Guys get it all the time when they have waited a little too long to respond. If you play the ‘who is this?’ game you will get the guys you don't want.

 

If your guy isn't into you because you respond to text messages when you are able he's not your guy. And, he shouldn't wait 4-days to text you.  If there are more than 2-day gaps in between his texts he is not your guy. 

 

We All Make Mistakes [30:47]

 

It's easy to forget that we all have our flaws and our triggers. There is no need to play games. There will be natural tension in dating just because we are human. Unless you are looking for a guy who lacks confidence or needs validation, give him a break if he makes a mistake. Men don't get a manual either. 

 

When we act from our adult selves we come from a need-less place. 

 

Ladies, remember men may be in their own evolution. Make it easy for men to pursue you by being open, direct, feminine. 

 

Men just want you to teach them the right way for them to love you. It allows the feminine part of you to be present. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Oct 11, 2019

Have you ever been lenient with your non-negotiables? Do you put other people first and allow others to treat you accordingly? If you continue to put yourself last so will the people you let into your life. 

 

Marni welcomes the Founder of Walking Inside Resources,  Anne Beaulieu. Anne is an emotional intelligence coach, speaker, and author. She understands what it is like to be a badass woman today. Anne helps us answer the question “What does it mean to be authentic and integrated into all of who we are?” The process begins with increasing our emotional intelligence. 

 

Key Takeaways: 

  • What is emotional intelligence?
  • Distilling wants into needs
  • The first 3-weeks of a relationship should be...
  • Sticking to non-negotiables
  • Becoming self-aware
  • The #1 killer of relationships
  • Healthy conflict resolution process
  • How to gain intimacy and create deep connections with others

 

Emotional Intelligence in Dating  [2:11]

 

In the context of dating, emotional intelligence is knowing the difference between your wants and your needs. It's vastly different than asking someone what they want. Many women say they want certain things in a partner but what they need is only one or two things. It’s a litmus test to keep us from being vague.  

 

Why is it hard for women to consider what we need versus what we want? 

 

  1. We have been trained by society to put our needs last. We apply that mentality and the limiting beliefs to everything we do.

 

  1. Feeling can be scary for most people. It makes us fully accountable for every experience we have brought into our life. 

 

It's easy to put other people's needs first even if we are resentful about it or exhausted by it. 

 

To assign meaning to something we must feel it first. When we become vulnerable with what we need, it is easier to develop a healthy relationship with someone else. 

 

So, how do we distill our wants down into our needs? 

 

Anne says it is as simple as asking yourself one question. If you nail this question, your life will change right away. "What does this mean to you?" Real healthy, relationships are specific. 

 

The Emotional Intelligence Litmus Test for a Date [12:29]

 

To find out the emotional IQ of the guys we are dating Anne recommends using the first three weeks of dating as an interview period and: 

 

  • Keeping your panties on during the interview process. 
  • During the first three dates find out what you love about them.
  • Find three things that get on your nerves. 
  • Ask the hard questions. 
  • Get clear about what you need before you enter a relationship. 

 

 If you wouldn't date someone who isn't self-aware why would someone date you if you are not self-aware. Like attracts like. 

 

If you are dating someone who triggers the crap out of you, it's because those issues are unresolved within yourself. If they were resolved you would never agree to date someone like that in the first place. 

 

The 4 EQ Quadrants and How to Use Them [23:49]

 

Anne breaks down the framework of emotional intelligence into 4 quadrants. They are: 

 

  1. Self-awareness is most important (know thyself) . We can only be aware of others to the extent we are aware of ourselves. 

 

  1. Awareness of others.

 

  1. Managing relationship with self.

 

  1. Managing the relationship with others.

 

This can be applied to any relationship . It's the key to having deep connections.

 

Self-empowerment is feeling what works for us and what does not work for us and changing for the better. 

 

Knowing what you are willing to tolerate and what you are willing to accept, and your non-negotiables. Most women compromise on their non-negotiables. and that is what creates our biggest heartaches.

 

Go through the 4 quadrants and take an honest assessment.

 

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Walking Inside Website

Oct 4, 2019

Does dating stress you out? Did a date not go well because you were thinking about a zillion other things instead of being curious about the other person? If you want to know the most impactful ways to minimize stress and change your attitude toward the stress you have no control over download this episode now.   

 

Marni welcomes one of Australia’s leading holistic health advocates, Dr. Ron Ehrlich. Dr. Ehrlich has been a holistic dentist for over 35 years.  He takes a holistic approach to health and wellness. He has created a comprehensive model of how stress impacts our lives in his book, A Life Less Stressed: The 5 Pillars of Health and Wellness.

 

Key Takeaways:

● What stress is good for you

● How sleep can improve your dating life

● How to empower yourself when dealing with stress

● Why it’s important to change your attitude about stress

● The 5 Pillars of Health and Wellness

● Proper sleep hygiene

● How electronics keep the body stressed

Dr. Erlich's Philosophy on Stress  [2:20]

In our modern world, everyone can relate to stress. Most people can acknowledge that stress affects human health. Stressors are part of our everyday lives. Dr. Ehrlich’s approach to stress has been to identify the factors that makeup stress. Since we can't eliminate stress from our lives, the key to managing it is to build up our resilience to it. 

He reminds us that not all stress is bad. Exercise and fasting are examples of good stressors. We need to build good stressors in our lives to challenge our immune systems.

As the world becomes increasingly more complex he believes the solution to the problem is simple. Some people get empowered by work and stress and others feel overwhelmed. Changing our attitude towards it can make a huge difference in building resilience. We need to take a holistic view of how the body works.

The 5 Stressors in Life to Identify and Minimize [10:12]

Dr. Ehrlich says we can reduce stress by working on these 5 things:

1. Emotional Health

2. Environmental Health

3. Postural Health

4. Nutritional Health

5. Dental Health

Try making a mission statement for your life and change your attitude toward stress.

Resiliency in Dating and Relationships [21:32]

If you want to have better relationships and a better life in general, start with sleep and breathwork. The quantity and quality of sleep you get is important. 7-9 hours of sleep is the average amount of sleep humans need to function at their best. People who get 5-6 hours of sleep or less aren't getting enough sleep.

If you want to be better at dating and be more resilient and give a stronger impression of your true self go to bed earlier and take sleep seriously. It will positively affect your work and personal life. It should be a lifelong habit.

A good night’s rest helps to regulate hormones and can rejuvenate the body.

To practice proper sleep hygiene:

● Prioritize sleep

● Make it a routine

● Change your relationship with technology

● Drink less alcohol

● Don’t eat 1-2 hours before bed

● Regulate the room temperature

● Have a comfortable bed

● Eliminate excess noise

● Make the room dark at dark

Dr. Ehrlich notes that light from the screens we use is affecting our melatonin levels. Get all technology out of your life and your bedroom one hour before you go to bed. Electrical equipment should not be within 5 feet of your head and phones should be set to silent. 

 

Make a Connection:

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Dr. Ron Ehrlich Website

A Life Less Stressed: The 5 Pillars of Health and Wellness Book

Sep 27, 2019

Do you pick up on subtle clues others don’t seem to notice? Can you tell by someone’s facial expression what they are thinking? Have others asked you why you are so sensitive? If so, you may be a Highly-Sensitive Person or HSP.

 

Marni welcomes the Host of Unapologetically Sensitive, Patricia Young. She is a Highly-Sensitive Person who helps HSPs turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. She is passionate about educating them about the amazing gifts they have to offer via online coaching. Her work focuses on building communities, setting boundaries, and being mindful. During this episode, she offers tips for HSPs who are navigating the dating world or are in relationships.

 

Key Takeaways:

  • ● The four characteristics of an HSP
  • ● How an HSP can embrace their strengths
  • ● Dating as an HSP or dating an HSP
  • ● How to get clear on your core values
  • ● Seeing the red flags of Narcissism
  • ● Long-term relationships with an HSP
  • The Four Characteristics of a Highly-Sensitive Person [3:01]
  • Being a highly-sensitive person is more than being emotional or sensitive. If you feel like a misfit or a disruptor in your family, you may be an HSP. You may pick up on things that other people don't. Or track or pay attention to things other people don't.
  • Do you have these four traits? 18-20% of the population DOES.
  • Depth of processing
  • Overstimulation or over-arousal
  • Emotional responsiveness or Empathy
  • Sensitive subtleties 
  • Introversion and highly-sensitive are not necessarily correlated but can overlap. Sensitivity is not always valued and often HSP’s bury it.
  • Dating and Relationships for HSPs [14:16]
  • If you are clear about what the values are that you want in a partner then you will embrace someone's sensitivity. It's not uncommon that the things we love about our partners are also the things that drive us crazy.
  • If you meet someone or have someone that is very compassionate and understanding they may not be assertive or alpha but they have strengths of a different nature. HSP’s can be healers, justice makers, or creatives.
  • Get clear on your core values!
  • We often pick partners that have a piece that helps us heal and we help them heal in areas we rub each other.
  • Beware —Narcissists are drawn to HSP's as they need someone to feed their ego. HSP's read other people and know what everyone else needs. If you know what the red flags of a narcissist are as soon as you see them say, ”I'm out of here”.
  • Make a list of what your ideal date would look like.
  • Tips for Highly-Sensitive People [19:43]
  • The longer HSP's are in environments that don't work for them the more they might get overstimulated. They may need a longer time to recharge. Often, they stretch beyond what is comfortable when they are trying to please others.
  • If an HSP has experienced trauma it can make them feel that they are not enough and not lovable. They may not like their sensitivity and feel as though their feelings run them all over the place. Therapy and coaching can help.

 

Make a Connection:

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Patricia Young LCSW Website

Sep 20, 2019

Are you notorious for not taking care of yourself? How often do you take five minutes and check-in with yourself to make sure your needs are being met? Marni welcomes Health and Wellness Expert, Aimee Raupp into the Den to talk about self-worth, self-love, weight, and self-care.

 

Aimee is a licensed acupuncturist and herbalist in Manhattan who offers fertility treatments and care. She has a Biology Degree and a Masters in Chinese Medicine from Rutgers - She has a beauty care line and she’s been on the View. Today we talk about all of her books including Chill Out and Get Healthy. Yes, You Can Get Pregnant, and Body Relief.

 

Key Takeaways:

  • ● The importance of celebrating yourself
  • ● What optimal health looks like
  • ● How to focus on you
  • ● Why you should quit beating yourself up
  • ● How to stop Self-sabotaging behaviors
  • ● The menopause-mindset connection
  • ● How chemicals affect a woman’s hormone levels
  • ● How to bring vitality back to sex
  • The Picture of Optimal Health [2:29]
  • Aimee says optimal health is easy to identify “it’s when you wake up feeling refreshed and excited about your day. You have healthy bowel movements and vitality on every level. You feel really alive and really happy in your body.  You feel like you are living your purpose”.
  • If you’re not there yet, it’s ok. Change is hard for some people. If you find yourself arguing in favor of your limitations or arguing to keep your life exactly how it is you may not be ready to shift your life. If it's not for you right now, give yourself time to step into your self-worth.
  • Takeaway: If you are going to indulge, enjoy it. Don’t beat yourself up over it.
  • The Advanced Move Toward Vitality [12:41]
  • Aimee recommends focusing on the things that are going right. You have to celebrate the wins in life. Gentle reminders about how great you are go a long way. Chill out and check-in time is when you take 5-10 breaths and ask yourself a couple of simple questions. Try asking “how are you today?” It slows you down for a minute and makes sure you are considering your needs.
  • If you are someone who is already meditating, doing yoga, and living clean but you still have bowel problems or are concerned about fertility you may be constipated emotionally.
  • Takeaway: Chill Out and Get Healthy!
  • Mindset, Menopause, Sex, and Skincare [20:14]
  • Current research shows that our thoughts, beliefs, and mental disposition has just as much as an impact on our biochemistry and physiology as does our actual biology. It’s about 50-50.
  • Take a look at yourself in the mirror every day and find one thing that you like about yourself. Think about what makes you feel good. Add a little vitality to your appearance by wearing a bright color. Dive into your divine feminine energy. Simple things make a big impact. Be alive! Don't wait to lose 10 pounds to wear the outfit you love, don't put your life on hold, and don't beat yourself up. Celebrate where you are.
  • When your internal stuffing is radiant your external package will be too. Aimee couldn't find skincare products without chemicals. So, she created her own.  Her motto is 'if you can't eat it you shouldn't put it on your skin'. It’s basically skin care for hormone harmony.
  • Takeaway: Everything you put on your skin gets absorbed into your bloodstream. It really does impact you hormonally.

 

Make a Connection:

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Aimee Raupp Website

Fertility Quiz

Sep 13, 2019

Marni and Chris are back this week to extract the real-life dating lessons from the reality TV show Bachelor in Paradise. The cast of men and women in the show may be given direction in which conversations to have but how they respond is very telling. Take a deep dive into the show to better understand the intentions behind mature and immature dating techniques and find out the questions you should be asking in your relationships. 

   

 

Key Takeaways: 

 

  • Why it’s important to have the “Are we on the same page?’ conversation. [1:56]

 

  • How vulnerable conversations build intimacy in relationships (Katie). [8:07]

 

  • Ask the broader question instead of feeding a man the words you want to hear (Nicole). [11:23]

 

  • Being authentic even when you are not on the same page but stay in the conversation to get feedback (JPJ). [17:28]

 

  • The best follow up question of all time and breaking your addiction to hunters (Deaniebaby). [24:42]

 

  • Why getting your heart broken often ends up for the best. (Connor). [34:02]

 

Make a Connection:

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Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

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I Suck at Dating Podcast 

Addicted to Drama with Sherrie Toews Podcast

Sep 6, 2019

What can you learn about the male-female dating dynamic by watching Bachelor in Paradise? Loads. To break down key lessons from the reality TV show about new and budding relationships, Marni welcomes Man Panelist, Chris Gillis back into the Den. Chris and Marni dissect how normal people tackle relationships in the craziest of ways.   

 

Key Takeaways:

  • ● Why women need to recognize their value
  • ● Men don’t want to be changed
  • ● Characteristics of the new modern-day alpha male 
  • ● When it comes down to it, women don’t often choose the nice guy
  • ● How women can honestly communicate their feelings without killing a relationship
  • ● The power a woman has over a man
  • ● Men are attracted to feminine women
  • Dating ‘the Player’ [1:44]
  • Dean, affectionately called Deaniebaby, is super handsome and he knows how to make a girl feel special. The issue with Dean is that he has a reputation as a player. So, what if you were dating a Deaniebaby in real life?
  • Signs a guy is not looking for a serious relationship:
  • ● They tell you using phrases like ‘it’s not you it’s me’
  • ● Your friends are telling you to be careful
  • During the show, the dynamic between Dean and Caelynn is all about Caelynn not understanding her value. She basically tells Dean how needy she is and you can see him pull away. Good thing for her Dylan was waiting in the wings.
  • Takeaway: Your job isn’t to change a guy. Why are you not being a woman of value? Men run away from women who want to change them.
  • Why Test a Great Guy? Just Be Honest [13:44]
  • Is Katie sabotaging any chance she has for a relationship? “When a guy tells you something he says what he means. There normally aren’t any hidden messages,” Chris says. For Katie to continue asking Chris if he is sure is her way of putting up a wall and all Chris hears is double talk. It is confusing.
  • Takeaway: Guys like a safe bet. Mixed signals confuse them.
  • Ladies if you are dating someone worth it you can't mess with them because another girl is going to swoop in to take your place. Tayshia’s treatment of JPJ is an example of this.
  • Takeaway: If you are not sure about someone or are not ready to commit, instead of planting a seed about someone better — communicate with them and tell them you are not ready to be exclusive.
  • The Modern -Day Alpha Male [22:47]
  • Women say it all the time ‘I want an alpha male’ but what does it really mean? Is it aggressive? It is assertive? If that type of behavior isn’t in alignment with who the guy really is do you really want him to change?
  • Nicole tells the handsome, buff, manly Clay he needs to be more aggressive. Then, she follows it up by going out with Mr. Machismo, who eventually got in a fistfight. She realizes she wants a guy who is assertive, not aggressive.
  • Takeaway: A modern alpha guy is more than just muscles and money. He is assertive and can articulate his feelings.

 

Make a Connection:

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Aug 23, 2019

Why is dating so hard? Are you saying all the right things but your body is sending signals of anxiousness or defensiveness? To uncover the psychological reasons behind your physiological behavior, Marni welcomes Dr. Stephen Porges, an expert in the polyvagal theory and how it traverses our relationships.

 

Key Takeaways:

  • ● Self-soothing tips for anxious behavior
  • ● Tips for staying in a long-term, happy relationship
  • ● Rewriting your personal narrative
  • ● Recognizing defensiveness for what it really is
  • ● The importance of being present on a date
  • ● Why dating can be terrifying
  • ● Understanding the importance of reciprocity
  • The Polyvagal Theory and Dating-Mating Strategies [4:34]
  • The polyvagal theory explains how our nervous system plays a part in our relationships, even if we aren’t aware of it at the time. Essentially, it influences how we react to others. If your body is in a state of safety, you can be socially and emotionally available. If not, and your body is in a state of anxiety or fear, you may not present yourself as who you really are.
  • We pick up non-verbal queues from one another. If your mind goes to a place of abandonment or loss of trust your body reflects that externally.
  • Dr. Porges says that in our culture we present the supermodel face. It is the presentation of being beautiful but not being available. This is not what our bodies want. Our bodies want people who are interactive, supportive, and reciprocal to who we are.
  • What is really attractive is the emotional safety conveyed through facial expression.
  • In the early moments of starting relationships, we are negotiating safety in psychological space.
  • Why Dating Can Be Terrifying [13:21]
  • There is little predictability in dating. Will he call? Does he like me? When we ask ourselves these questions it is an example of our nervous system searching for predictability. If there is uncertainty, we feel unsafe and it can create a feeling of terror.
  • Relationships aren't based on words they are based on how we relate to each other. We need reciprocity to feel understood and emotionally safe. Uncertainty puts us into a defensive mode.
  • How to Self-soothe When You Feel Anxious [21:10]
  • When our sense of self is challenged, it may be because we are framing our personal narratives based on previous traumas. Dr. Porges offers these tools to self-soothe and to calm ourselves down after we have been triggered:
  • ● Breathing — To calm the body down inhale quickly and exhale slowly.
  • ● Rocking, gently — It triggers the body to feel safe in the presence of another.
  • ● A Quiet Place — if you want to understand what someone is saying go to a quiet environment.
  • These tools can help you manage your body’s reaction to trauma and manage it. The goal of a relationship is to be part of a co-regulation team. And, sensitivity is being aware of your partners de-stabilizations and reflexively supporting them.
  • How to Stay in a Long-term, Happy Relationship [35:59]
  • Be accessible! Dr. Porges’ biggest tip for staying in a healthy relationship is to be vulnerable and accessible with our partners.  He says, “What we want in our relationships is never to be in a defensive state or to minimize it. We have to understand we are not perfect, we are loving human beings.”
  • Our bodies want to open up and be vulnerable with one another.

 

Make a Connection:

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Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dr. Stephen Porges Website

Aug 16, 2019

Do you always gravitate toward the same type of guys even though they never come with the type of relationship you are looking for? To find out why Marni welcomes the insightful Michelle Chalfant the host of the Adult Chair Podcast. Michelle is a therapist, holistic life coach, an author, a speaker an amazing podcast, and developer of the adult chair model, a transformational model of self-realization. She helps humans discover who they are and get unstuck so they can find their power.

 

Key Takeaways: 

  • Why we choose the wrong guys.
  • A process to help fix your picker.
  • How to be compassionate with yourself and give yourself unconditional love.
  • How to overcome emotional trauma and heal core childhood wounds.
  • How to look for someone who complements you, not completes you. 

 

The Adult Chair Model [3:40]

 

The Adult Chair model includes the three phases of our lives: 

 

  1. The child chair — Age 0-6
  2. The adolescent chair — Age 7-25
  3. The adult chair — Age 26 & beyond

 

From age 0-6 we are living in the child part of our lives. It’s during this time we learn about emotions, our true needs, spontaneity, intimacy, and vulnerability. 

 

From age 7-25 we live in our adolescent chair which is driven by the ego. During this time we learn about the victim, guilt, blame, codependency, people-pleasing, and perfectionism.  

 

If we had healthy modeling, we slide into the adult chair at 25. It’s where we live in fact and truth instead of story and assumption. It's when we begin to set boundaries, we learn how to speak up for ourselves. We can connect to how we are feeling and thinking. 

 

Most of us don't land in our adult chair mentally. We are physically adults but emotionally we are stuck in the adolescent chair. 

 

Traumas can freeze us in time and we have to go back and rescue our inner child.

 

Trusting Yourself and Finding Self-Compassion [18:00]

 

Michelle says that the adolescent part of use can wear the mask of an adult but still be making decisions from the adolescent chair. 

 

To provide ourselves consistency and unconditional love we should work with our inner child in the following manner:

 

  1. Validate them
  2. Thank them
  3. Question what their needs are
  4. Have unconditional love and compassion for ourselves

 

As a result of this process, people say "I just feel so different. I feel more compassion for myself and others.”

 

When you start rescuing the younger parts of yourself, you have to keep showing up as an adult. Michelle recommends to just keep going back and reinforcing safety. 

 

Fixing Your Picker [29:34]

 

Marni refers back to Hannah B, the Bachelorette to ask Michelle why our pickers are sometimes broken. Hannah originally went for ‘Bad for Her Jed’ until she gained some clarity. 

 

Michelle recommends Hannah or any of you who may have a broken picker, to ask her inner child what happened that made her attracted to different guys. And to find information about what she gets out of choosing someone who is not the best for her. 

 

When we are in relationships we are looking for that person outside of ourselves to "complete" us. When what really need is to do fulfillment within ourselves first and then find someone who complements us, not complete us. 

 

Make a Connection:

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Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

The Adult Chair Website

The Adult Chair Podcast

Aug 2, 2019

Marni welcomes Bachelor Nation’s Fanclub’s Rookie of the Year, Chris Gillis back to the Den to break down the Season Finale of The Bachelorette 2019. For all of you ladies out there, there are some important lessons to be learned from the episode.  

 

Key Takeaways: 

  • The importance of being a direct, honest communicator.
  • Why smart, beautiful, strong women still succumb to the devious wiles of their bad picker.
  • How to break up with a guy without disrespecting him.
  • Why it’s time to move past old-timey beliefs about male and female roles.
  • How to read a guy’s body language during a conversation.
  • Finding the courage to let someone go when they have done you wrong.

 

Bye, Bye Pilot Pete [2:51]

 

Pete seemed perfect. He is a gentleman. He has a stable job as a pilot and he was really into Hannah. So, why would she let him go? Marni and Chris discuss the possible reasons Hannah passed on what seemed to be a great opportunity. 

 

  • Was he was too into her?
  • Is he a pacifist?
  • Was he too nice of a guy?

 

Jed and Tyler Meet the Parents  [11:53]

 

It was obvious when Hannah’s parents met Jed they didn’t believe a singer/songwriter could financially provide for their daughter. Hannah, instead of stepping up to say what was important to her, immediately went into child mode and instead sought approval from her parents. 

 

Takeaway: As an adult,  you have the opportunity to decide what type of financial role you want your partner to play. 

 

Unlike Jed, Tyler made an immediate connection to Hannah’s parents through his direct and thoughtful communication. 

 

Hannah Chooses Jed [20:10]

 

In spite of all the turmoil, Hannah still chose Jed. 

 

Marni’s take — It’s a good reminder to not take things personally. Hannah has an unhealthy picker. She gravitated toward someone who wasn't in it for her highest-interest. 

 

During Hannah’s last date with Jed on the boat, we could all feel the tension between the two of them. If Hannah’s spidey-sense was tingling she chose to ignore it because she is attracted to unhealthy relationships.  

 

When Hannah confronts Jed about a People magazine article stating that he had not yet broken up with his girlfriend before joining the show, he admits he has been dishonest with her. His comments and his body language were signaling that he was done. 

 

Takeaway: When we are dating we don't ask enough questions and we just accept what a guy says without asking for clarity.

 

Tyler Gives it Another Shot [38:59]

 

After breaking up with Jed, Hannah asks Tyler out on a date. Tyler being the class act that he is, made a safe space for Hannah to regain her composure and femininity. He refused to manipulate her. 

 

It exposes and reminds all of us that sometimes we have to let go of something and it takes courage.

 

Chris’s take — Hannah had a delectable smorgasbord in front of her and she still couldn't eat, she still went heart hungry.

 

Takeaway: In the end, a bad picker can get in the way of your finding your true partner. It’s important to learn how to attract the right guy into your life. 

 

Make a Connection:

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Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Aug 2, 2019

Marni welcomes dating expert, Damona Hoffman to the den to discuss pre-date texting. This in-depth discussion includes tips to get you out of the app and on to the date.

 

Key Takeaways:

● Should you text inside or outside a dating app?

● How often you should text before the first date?

● Is it appropriate to send a follow-up text after a date?

● The #1 thing you can do to become an excellent texter.

● 3 Pre-date texting rules.

● Should you use emojis when texting?

● How to respond to a simple ‘hey’ text.

 

Damona is a certified dating coach and the host of  the long-running podcast, Dates & Mates. She is a TV personality who has been in two A&E series, Black Love and A Question of Love. She is a contributor to CNN Headline News, BET, The Post and Oprah's O magazine.

 

Traps and Pitfalls of Texting [1:56]

 

Traps of pre-date texting:

 

● Remember the whole point of texting is to move forward to get to the date.

 

● One big mistake people make is sharing too much over text. There is very little context in texting and can be too revealing too soon.

● Texting is designed for information, not conversation.

 

3 Pre-date Texting Rules   [7:33]

 

The average text is responded to within 90 seconds. If the response doesn't happen in 24 hours there is a solid chance it won't happen.

 

A texting technique to adhere to is to make it feel like you are stepping into the middle of the conversation. Texting is designed for short burst communication and volleys back and forth. You want to be as concise as possible. If you thin it out you are more likely to get a response and it’s more likely to be read accurately.

 

3 Pre-date texting Rules

 

Keep it simple. Don't overwrite.

Add emojis or mood modifiers to enhance what you mean.

Avoid generic questions and ask compelling questions.

 

The #1 thing to do to be an excellent texter is to text like you talk to bring your personality out.

 

Is it OK to Send a Follow-up Text After a Date? [25:04]

 

In today’s dating scene, it is common place to send a text that night or the next morning. It's polite to say thank you, especially if a date bought dinner or drinks.

 

One trick is to send a statement or acknowledgement of something that happened on the date. Another technique, is to find a gif that adds humor and fun to the exchange. Think of texting as flirting with technology.

 

How to Respond to the ‘Hey’ Text [28:21]

 

If you receive a simple ‘Hey’ text respond with something cheeky. It depends on your interest level, of course. If you are using a dating app, and ‘Hey’ is their opening text, don’t respond. It's just weak.

 

Research says that men are worried about two things in dating:

 

1. That they will be thought of as a predator.

2. Being rejected.

 

Be clear when texting but give a guy some slack because a guy may not have the same awesome texting skills you do.

 

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Jul 26, 2019

Marni and Man Panelist Chris Gillis commentate a play-by-play of The Bachelor 2019 semi-finals and how it relates to real-life dating obstacles. They break down the obvious narcissism, the mature display of anger, and how to properly handle a breakup. Hannah hasn’t made her final decision yet but Chris and Marni may already know who she will choose!

 

Somebody Save Me? [2:43]

 

Marni and Chris break down the moment in the Bachelor when it mirrors real-life relationships between narcissists and the people who are attracted to them. They grapple with why someone smart and beautiful like Hannah could be attracted to someone who is emotionally abusive.

 

Then, in what was easily the most impactful part of the show, Hannah speaks directly to the viewers and asks for forgiveness for her insecurity-driven choices. Chris appreciates her move and expands on it as an example of the things that make dating so hard.

 

Ladies, just because a man likes you doesn’t mean you have to like them!

 

How to Be Clear About Breaking Free [15:34]

 

Marni and Chris discuss the decisive moment when Hannah moves the podium as a physical boundary, to represent the emotional boundary she was actively enforcing. But even though she was saying it was over she continued to defend herself and create a new avenue for manipulation.

 

You have to right to disengage when someone doesn’t respect your boundaries!

 

How to Let a Relationship End [22:33]

 

If you have ever been on the receiving end of a breakup, you know it can be hard to accept. If the other person believes, even for a minute, there may be a chance to get back together they will act on it. Chris recommends closing the door completely when breaking up with a guy, especially manipulators. Being direct is best when saying goodbye and do not apologize for your actions.

 

Predictions for the Next Episode of The Bachelor [31:21]

 

If Hannah heals and moves on, Chris predicts a close call between her choosing Tyler or Jed. But Marni says even though Jed is leaking his unavailability, Hannah will still pick him. Remember that Jed is in an offscreen relationship that his parents don’t approve of. The finals are a must watch!

 

 

Make a Connection:

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Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Jul 19, 2019

In this very special solo episode, Marni offers up some tools and guidelines about how to deal with a ‘ghoster’ or a non-communicative guy after you have started dating. She describes how you deal with the situation internally without having it kill your joy. And, when it’s appropriate to communicate with him to find out why he disappeared or is being inconsistent. 

 

It’s Him, Not You [4:04]

 

The most important thing to remember if a guy starts exhibiting this behavior is that you are awesome. His behavior is in no way a reflection of who you are. Know at your core that you are completely lovable and enough.

 

Are you initiating on a date? The man should have the space to pursue you and ask you out. Remember, the dating process is designed to help you know if another person is a match for you. Nothing more, nothing less. And, what happens between you and the person between dates is just as important as the data you collect on a date.

 

Ladies, Your job is to know you are awesome, to be cautiously optimistic, and to understand what the person has earned from you based on his behavior.

 

When we start to like someone we open up to get all mushy and soft and then something happens so we put our walls up and are not sure how to respond. If this happens:

 

  • ● Do not get attached to the outcome because you don't really know who the person is anyway.
  • ● Don't shut down and stand-offish.
  • ● Just stay empowered and chill.
  • If you have gone out on 3 or 4 dates and a gap exists in your communication it is ok to call and question the situation. A quality guy will respond and let you know what is up.
  • Don’t Waste Your Time [10:43]
  • When you finally have a conversation you need to figure out where things are going and get your questions answered.
  • ● If a guy just disappears bless him and release him. He just told you how he would be in the future,
  • ● If you text and he doesn’t answer let it go. You don't need penpals. This situation will create too much emotional clutter.
  • If you have been talking with someone and go on a few dates but then a week goes by and you don't hear from him use this strategy — if it’s between the 5th and the 8th day of a guy disappearing send a message that asks a simple question that allows him to re-engage.
  • Tell him that this isn't moving forward like you prefer and let it go!

Make a Connection:

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Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Listen to episode 25 with Michael Goldstein

Jul 12, 2019

Do you know how to raise your energy level? Do you know how raising your vibration can help you to attract high-quality men into your life? If not, this episode is exactly what you need right now. Marni welcomes Nova Wightman to the show. Nova is an expert in conscious manifestation, an author, a speaker, reiki master, and a Conversations with God coach. 

 

She helps spiritual seekers become spiritual rock stars. By blending spirituality with humanity you can enjoy life and all the beautiful things it has to offer. During this episode, you will learn more about conscious manifestation, and how to align it with who you are and raise your vibration to become your most authentic self. 

 

Increase Your Energetic Vibration to Get the Life You Want [3:14]

 

Type ‘A’ people may believe they already exist in a higher vibration but stress and constant stimulation are actually on the lower part of the vibrational spectrum. If you live in a constant state of activity you can benefit by raising your vibration. Raising your vibration will make you feel better and have an improved state of being. Basically, you will access more magic by letting in different aspects of yourself through. Assisting you in meeting other people who exist in a more peaceful state of being. 

 

If your thoughts are high but your physical body feels constricted it is a signal that you may have some work to do. 

 

Take a proactive approach to your well-being, dating, and relationships by incorporating a daily practice into your life. Because it is not actually the person or relationship we want, it is how the connection makes us feel that attracts us. 

 

You don't need a yoga mat, you don’t need to light candles, or have a special place for your practice. It’s simply about cultivating consistency about turning your attention inward. It's about cultivating a strong bond within you so that over time, everything is strengthened. It's building a proactive foundation. 

 

Different Ways to Raise Your Vibration [18:24]

 

Nova recommends the simple practice going back to the common childhood practice of daydreaming. It's powerful as a meditation technique. Just quietly thinking about the things that light you up and charge your system. No matter the technique you choose be it a walking meditation, binaural beats, chanting, etc.  It’s about the absence of resistance in your life. Meditation doesn’t have to be the same thing every day. Choose the right thing for you. 

 

Remember, if you start from a distracted place it can be hard to jump to the higher states of joy you wish to attain. Getting too specific can invite the mind to conjure up limitations such as yeah, but. Stay simple.

 

If you have to ditch the daydreaming because it's not working repeat a mantra or listen to a guided meditation. And, instead of beating yourself up or feeling as if you will never do it right, realize something is distracting you so try and change-up your practice. 

 

You will recognize when your intuition is reaching out over your ego when fear and worry are removed from your thoughts. 

 

Have the Right Expectations  [30:15]

 

It’s important to remember that the universe is balanced. There will always be ups and down, yin and yang. You can not eliminate all the negative aspects of life. Having a daily practice is all about recovering to the higher state more easily and gracefully so you can stay in the sweet spot of alignment more often than not.  

 

Manifestation is about setting your intention and asking the universe to bring the best, most aligned thing for you. Be careful not to be too specific about what you want in your life because when you exist at a higher vibration you will get what you desire. Be sure to ask the universe for the best match for you, not a specific person. 

 

Keep your vibration high so the door to the universe will stay open and the cosmic delivery person can come and deliver you what you need.

 

Make a Connection:

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Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

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Nova Wightman - Start Raising Your Vibration Now with this Free Gift

Jul 5, 2019

Traditionally, women earn less than men and are more likely to take breaks from earning to have children or care for elderly parents. As a result, by the time women reach retirement they have less money than men plus they live five years longer. To discuss how women can make their money last longer, Marni welcomes money master, Jean Chatsky into the Den. Jean shares tips for women who want to stay healthy, wealthy, and stable no matter what their relationship status is. 


Jean launched Her Money Media, Her Money podcast, and the website HerMoney.com to provide women much-needed, accurate information about money. She's the award-winning financial editor of NBC Today. She has appeared on CNN, The View, The Talk, and created a The Debt Diet program for Oprah’s audience.  She is a best-selling author, a motivational speaker, AARP’s financial ambassador, and a fierce advocate for financial literacy. Her new book, Women with Money: The Judgment-Free Guide to Creating the Joyful, Less Stressed, Purposeful (and, Yes, Rich) Life You Deserve is available now.

 

But I Already Have My Own Money [3:17]

 

If you are a woman who has already created her own wealth, don’t forget the prenup, or postnup. We’ve all moved past the old stereotypes surrounding prenups. Mature, loving relationships are built on trust and understanding. A prenup is not a scary document. It just negotiates how financial entities will be handled should something happen to the marriage. 

 

Jean’s advice — Each partner should go into it with an understanding that this is how to take care of ourselves and each other. There are different ways to craft the document. 

 

A prenup is simply financial planning for a secure future.

Specifically, when it comes to relationships women worry that they won't know how to maneuver a death or divorce. Remove the fear that you might be left holding the bag with not enough resources with a clear understanding of your financial picture. 

 

The most important thing is to actually talk about these things with our significant other. Being on the same page about the future financials helps eliminate possible blocks down the road in our relationships. 

 

The More You Know About Money [8:51]

 

Bringing up money conversations during dating can seem invasive. But, there is a lot you can learn about a date's financial picture without directly asking. Pay attention to hints during initial conversations. 

 

When it gets more serious it's important for a woman to ask:

 

  1. What do you earn?
  2. What do you own?
  3. What do you owe?

 

It shouldn't be embarrassing to ask these questions. If you are going to have a financial problem, it's better to know about it sooner than later.  

 

Don’t share your credit scores on the first date but have a money conversation when the relationship gets serious. 

 

Money & Love  [20:58]

 

Jean’s new book, Women with Money: The Judgment-Free Guide to Creating the Joyful, Less Stressed, Purposeful (and, Yes, Rich) Life You Deserve tackles the ‘why we are the way we are with money’ topic. She says, “You need to understand why the person you share a bed with is the way they are with money. That means getting a grip on your own money story too.” Research your financial DNA. 

 

The more you understand your money story the more you can guide your partner to explore their own. 

 

The key to making yourself financially secure is to start saving automatically every time you get paid. Set a savings goal for yourself. When we are able to stand on our own two feet financially it enables us to make better choices when accepting other people into our lives.

 

Making the choice to add someone into our lives when we know we are able to do it by ourselves is a clear choice, free of fear. 

 

Make a Connection:

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Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

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Her Money Website

Her Money Podcast

Jean Chatsky Website

Jun 28, 2019

In this in-depth coaching session with Kristen, Marni discovers the root of why Kristen can’t be herself around people she likes. She is 39-years-old and is replaying a pattern over and over in all of her relationships. Since her divorce 15-years-ago, she has dated but it has never led to anything serious. She wants guidance from Marni on how she can ask for what she wants from life so she can date with dignity. 

 

What a Girl Wants [2:12]

 

Kristen often meets men through her extracurricular activities or through work. She gets to see the guys being their authentic selves and she appreciates it. But, when it comes to her being herself she automatically shuts down. 

 

She has been shy ever since she can remember. She was the youngest daughter in her family. She recalls her parents taking care of her every need and her father being very protective of her. She didn’t need to assert herself or voice her opinion while she was growing up because someone always did it for her. 

 

Marni recognizes Kristen’s pattern as the ‘love shield’ and asks her why she feels she is incapable and unworthy.

 

Why We Wear a Love Shield [9:38]

 

Many of us carry around a voice in our head that directs our identity and our behaviors. We then attract people into our lives who act the same or reinforce that identity. We may think we know who we are but we always default to someone else’s wants and needs because deep down we are afraid our own needs will be rejected. 

 

Marni reveals that when a guy senses a love shield he feels a disconnect. It’s hard for men to become attracted to someone who doesn’t know who they are. A grown-up man wants to get to know someone and be challenged but if Kristen doesn’t know who she is or what she wants, there is very little for a guy to fall for. 

 

Kristen says she can feel herself trying to analyze the situation in her head but she still doesn't know who she is. She is exhausted by it. She gives other people her power. She’s not sure of who she is or what she is capable of. She does know, however, she is confident and capable of things in her head but not in her heart. 

 

How to Uncover the Real You [18:26]

 

Marni says it’s time for Kristen to start investigating who she is. She needs to strip herself of her story consider the places where she feels like she shines and what makes her feel free. 

 

Basically, Kristin needs to date herself. 

 

She knows she can activate her authentic self when she wants to. When she is out in nature hiking she feels grounded and free. She is able to release herself and connect to her body. It’s when she moderates herself due to her fear is when she shuts down. 

 

Kristin’s Homework: 

 

  1. For 30 days, she needs to start noticing what she naturally notices. 
  2. She needs to stop moderating herself.
  3. She needs to ask for what she wants.  
  4. She has to get some professional help and start parenting herself. 
  5. She needs to express what is in her soul. 

 

If you don’t know who you are, how will anyone else get to know you?

 

Make a Connection:

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Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

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Jun 14, 2019

Marni welcomes Becca Devens to the podcast to speak about the things that keep her marriage to Survivor’s Rick Devens a healthy, happy one. Becca is a nurse, singer, traveler, and the writer of The Munchkin Nugget blog. She shares how she and Rick met, the core values that keep them happy, how they maintain a healthy relationship after a disagreement, and common fallacies of love and marriage.

 

Why Do Women Believe One Person Should Meet All Their Needs? [2:34]

 

Women are complex, beautiful human beings. We have needs that go beyond what one single person is able to accommodate. In the past, women used to get their needs met in the social environment. But in today’s modern culture some women rely solely on their partner to make them feel complete.

 

Becca says she thinks a lot of women are dating to meet their soulmate but she believes the real purpose of dating is to learn more about what you want and what you need from a relationship. When women focus on finding their soulmate in a partner they tend to forget about all the other soulmates in their lives, like family and friends.

 

She says, “Your partner is important but they are not everything. They can't be everything. A lot of women today expect whoever they are with for that person to provide everything they need. It’s unrealistic to have all your needs met by just one person.”

 

When you are dating someone and you get upset don't expect your partner to completely understand. You need other people in your life to talk with, vent to, and share feelings with.

 

Core Values Are the Glue that Holds Everything Together [10:06]

 

Becca describes the commonalities between her and Rick. She describes him as an adventurer and an avid outdoorsman who is perfectly fine to do things on his own while she is a traveler who is curious about trying new things. He incorporates things into his routine while Becca goes through phases of sampling different things that interest her. The glue that holds them together is that they both want each other to be happy.

Becca’s Top 5 Core Values for what she wants in a partner are:

 

1. Humor and Chemistry

2. Curiosity and Travel

3. Family Man

4. Intelligence

5. Compassion

 

When Becca and Rick are separated for a length of time (like when he was a contestant on Survivor) or a disagreement arises, they lean into their core values to find comfort.

 

The Problem with Rom-Coms and Fairy Tales [16:54]

Becca says she loves Romantic Comedies but she always speaks with her daughter afterward to talk about the differences in a movie and real life.

 

She says “ A lot of times parents don't show their children the real relationship. They may not fight in front of the kids and they don't make-up in front of their kids so children aren’t aware of the little annoyances that are a part of every marriage.”

 

Marriage isn’t always easy and it’s important to work on it and protect it.

 

Becca's Tips for Protecting a Marriage:

 

1. Don't engage in behavior that appears flirty or questionable.

2. Ask your partner or check with them when you are making plans with other people.

3. Open up and be vulnerable. Let your partner know they are important to you.

Don’t expect a relationship to be like a fairy tale. If you do disappointment awaits. 

 

Relationship Strategies for Getting Back on Track After a Rift [21:35]

 

The old adage 'don't go to bed angry' doesn't really play in today's world. If you and your partner have an argument it’s OK to put off a conversation until you have both cooled down.

 

Becca and Rick wait to cool off and then normally whoever was the biggest jerk steps up to start a new conversation and explain their side.

 

Becca recommends acknowledge your part in the disagreement and say you are sorry about making the other person feel agitated so you can both move on from it.

 

If your core values are met and your partner wants you to be happy that's all that really matters.

 

Becca says she received sage advice from a friend’s parents. They offered her this, whatever he does that drives you crazy make sure you can live with it for the rest of your life because it will never stop. and don't let yourself get bitter about it.

 

It’s OK to disagree about things but make moves to repair the emotional component of your relationship as soon as you feel calm.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

The Munchkin Nugget Blog

@BeccaDevens on Twitter

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