Info

The Dating Den

Each week on the podcast, I’ll be interviewing the world’s top experts in attraction, dating, communication, sex, and relationships, as well as coaching real women LIVE, through their real life dating challenges… that are probably a lot like yours!
RSS Feed Subscribe in Apple Podcasts
The Dating Den
2020
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2019
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2018
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2017
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2016
December
November


All Episodes
Archives
Now displaying: October, 2019
Oct 25, 2019

Marni coaches Jasmine to date as a woman of value and that dating should be more than just hanging out or having an encounter. Jasmine has a pattern of accepting less than what she is worth when dating. They discuss how Jasmine can change her behavior and communicate clearly what she wants and what she deserves to get past the second or third date with a high-quality man.

 

Key Takeaways: 

  • Showing up as a woman of value
  • Communicating your needs
  • Attracting high-quality guys
  • Gaining confidence 
  • Breaking bad dating behaviors
  • Setting boundaries

 

Discovering Jasmine’s Dating Patterns  [1:37]

 

Jasmine says it’s normally not a problem to get a second date with the guys she meets. They pursue her for the second meet-up. But she says the second date may be more of an encounter or just hanging out.  

 

Marni reminds her that men often say that how the relationship starts that is how it's going to end. When a guy feels like he doesn't have to put forth any effort or investment he unconsciously feels like 'this woman isn't a woman of value'. 

 

Quality men are attracted to grounded and confident women. Because she is unsure of her value she doesn’t know how to communicate what she wants from dating. She doesn't like the 'if you want to come over, come over' scenario but she puts up with it. She wants to feel safe and not to get hurt. She just needs to change her behavior and communicate it. 

 

Being the low hanging fruit is easy. But it sends the wrong message.

 

Setting Boundaries and Showing Up as a Woman of Value [10:55]

 

Be the person you want to attract. If the guy can be lazy about dating you he won’t put much into a relationship anyway. 

 

Marni shares some strong but flirty language Jasmine can use to get what she wants out of a relationship. To make sure the guy is worth her time she needs to have her needs of feeling secure met. 

 

The guy needs to make an effort to date you. Marni reminds Jasmine that if she just has encounters she is making it too easy for the guys who aren’t looking for something serious. 

 

Jasmine needs to build her self-worth by changing her behavior with the guys she is meeting now. She needs to train a guy to treat her how she wants to be treated. 

 

The Takeaways and A-Ha’s [21:39]

 

Jasmine feels good about asking for what she wants. She trusts herself and she has self-respect. She wants to date with her dignity intact. When she starts pivoting she will meet men who treat her the way she wants to be treated. 

 

The right guy wants to make you happy. Tell him and teach him how to do it. 

 

And, she will get more dates when she starts dating men who are actually dating and not just hanging out. 

 

Jasmine’s homework is to collect data and change her behaviors. Her big A-Ha’s were:

 

  • It’s ok to say what she wants.
  • To realize men aren’t mind readers. 
  • Make sure her words and actions match if she expects that in return. 
  • Text messaging shouldn't be more than 2 or 3 times back and forth. 
  • She will remove the word ‘encounter’ from her dating vocabulary.
  • She is only going on dates.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Oct 18, 2019

Marni welcomes Man Panelist Chris Gillis back to the Den to discuss the fine art of getting the right kind of guy to notice you, the do’s and don’ts of texting, and the problem with playing manipulative games.  

 

Key Takeaways: 

  • Getting a guy to notice you
  • How to be feminine and direct
  • Men’s fears about asking you out
  • Texting do’s and don’ts
  • Giving a clear message to the right kind of guy
  • Asking him out without damaging his ego

 

The Fine Art of Getting a Quality Guy to Notice You  [4:41]

 

The men of Marni’s Man Panel say it's just as scary to approach women as it was 20 years ago. But now, they are worried about being perceived as a predator in addition to fear of being rejected. 

 

Chris thinks they may be using these fears as an excuse. Men require a certain level of confidence to go after what they want. If you don't know how to do something, like asking a girl out it makes it easy to default to apathy. 

 

Guys who are the most worried about being a predator are the nicest, least predatory guys. It's the guys who don't care about offending a woman that end up getting all the attention. It's frustrating to see. 

 

So, what can women do to give a clear message to the right kind of guy when they want him to ask her out?

 

Chris says there is an art to putting yourself in the way of a guy. He says men love to grab something for you or to do little things that make you happy. Ask him to pass you a napkin. Or, maybe he needs to pass by you to get his beer? Make it impossible for him not to bypass you. 

 

It is feminine to engage in a conversation. It's vulnerable to ask for help. A good guy will do it. Men are scanning all the time looking for clues women are interested.  

 

Ladies, turn up your game by smiling at him, play with your hair, and laugh at his jokes. Make it obvious. 

 

The Lowdown on Texting [13:09]

 

How are women supposed to know if it's ok to initiate a conversation via text? When is it crossing the line? Will it be perceived as too masculine or too assertive? 

 

Marni is in the old school camp when it comes to texting. If you have started texting with a guy but it's not continuous make the intention of why you are texing clear. Men want things to be clear.

 

Chris says things are different today. Dating apps can lead to a slew of messages. If you think a guy has possibilities, it's ok to throw out an idea via text. Guys egos are huge. They need to believe they are hitting on you. even though a woman is slowly capturing them. They want the girl to be the prize. They want to tell their friends how badass they are. 

 

Throw a softball. You get one free text message to see where it goes. 

 

Chris says guys hate the 'who is this?' reply when a girl clearly has the name and number saved in her phone. Guys get it all the time when they have waited a little too long to respond. If you play the ‘who is this?’ game you will get the guys you don't want.

 

If your guy isn't into you because you respond to text messages when you are able he's not your guy. And, he shouldn't wait 4-days to text you.  If there are more than 2-day gaps in between his texts he is not your guy. 

 

We All Make Mistakes [30:47]

 

It's easy to forget that we all have our flaws and our triggers. There is no need to play games. There will be natural tension in dating just because we are human. Unless you are looking for a guy who lacks confidence or needs validation, give him a break if he makes a mistake. Men don't get a manual either. 

 

When we act from our adult selves we come from a need-less place. 

 

Ladies, remember men may be in their own evolution. Make it easy for men to pursue you by being open, direct, feminine. 

 

Men just want you to teach them the right way for them to love you. It allows the feminine part of you to be present. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Oct 11, 2019

Have you ever been lenient with your non-negotiables? Do you put other people first and allow others to treat you accordingly? If you continue to put yourself last so will the people you let into your life. 

 

Marni welcomes the Founder of Walking Inside Resources,  Anne Beaulieu. Anne is an emotional intelligence coach, speaker, and author. She understands what it is like to be a badass woman today. Anne helps us answer the question “What does it mean to be authentic and integrated into all of who we are?” The process begins with increasing our emotional intelligence. 

 

Key Takeaways: 

  • What is emotional intelligence?
  • Distilling wants into needs
  • The first 3-weeks of a relationship should be...
  • Sticking to non-negotiables
  • Becoming self-aware
  • The #1 killer of relationships
  • Healthy conflict resolution process
  • How to gain intimacy and create deep connections with others

 

Emotional Intelligence in Dating  [2:11]

 

In the context of dating, emotional intelligence is knowing the difference between your wants and your needs. It's vastly different than asking someone what they want. Many women say they want certain things in a partner but what they need is only one or two things. It’s a litmus test to keep us from being vague.  

 

Why is it hard for women to consider what we need versus what we want? 

 

  1. We have been trained by society to put our needs last. We apply that mentality and the limiting beliefs to everything we do.

 

  1. Feeling can be scary for most people. It makes us fully accountable for every experience we have brought into our life. 

 

It's easy to put other people's needs first even if we are resentful about it or exhausted by it. 

 

To assign meaning to something we must feel it first. When we become vulnerable with what we need, it is easier to develop a healthy relationship with someone else. 

 

So, how do we distill our wants down into our needs? 

 

Anne says it is as simple as asking yourself one question. If you nail this question, your life will change right away. "What does this mean to you?" Real healthy, relationships are specific. 

 

The Emotional Intelligence Litmus Test for a Date [12:29]

 

To find out the emotional IQ of the guys we are dating Anne recommends using the first three weeks of dating as an interview period and: 

 

  • Keeping your panties on during the interview process. 
  • During the first three dates find out what you love about them.
  • Find three things that get on your nerves. 
  • Ask the hard questions. 
  • Get clear about what you need before you enter a relationship. 

 

 If you wouldn't date someone who isn't self-aware why would someone date you if you are not self-aware. Like attracts like. 

 

If you are dating someone who triggers the crap out of you, it's because those issues are unresolved within yourself. If they were resolved you would never agree to date someone like that in the first place. 

 

The 4 EQ Quadrants and How to Use Them [23:49]

 

Anne breaks down the framework of emotional intelligence into 4 quadrants. They are: 

 

  1. Self-awareness is most important (know thyself) . We can only be aware of others to the extent we are aware of ourselves. 

 

  1. Awareness of others.

 

  1. Managing relationship with self.

 

  1. Managing the relationship with others.

 

This can be applied to any relationship . It's the key to having deep connections.

 

Self-empowerment is feeling what works for us and what does not work for us and changing for the better. 

 

Knowing what you are willing to tolerate and what you are willing to accept, and your non-negotiables. Most women compromise on their non-negotiables. and that is what creates our biggest heartaches.

 

Go through the 4 quadrants and take an honest assessment.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Walking Inside Website

Oct 4, 2019

Does dating stress you out? Did a date not go well because you were thinking about a zillion other things instead of being curious about the other person? If you want to know the most impactful ways to minimize stress and change your attitude toward the stress you have no control over download this episode now.   

 

Marni welcomes one of Australia’s leading holistic health advocates, Dr. Ron Ehrlich. Dr. Ehrlich has been a holistic dentist for over 35 years.  He takes a holistic approach to health and wellness. He has created a comprehensive model of how stress impacts our lives in his book, A Life Less Stressed: The 5 Pillars of Health and Wellness.

 

Key Takeaways:

● What stress is good for you

● How sleep can improve your dating life

● How to empower yourself when dealing with stress

● Why it’s important to change your attitude about stress

● The 5 Pillars of Health and Wellness

● Proper sleep hygiene

● How electronics keep the body stressed

Dr. Erlich's Philosophy on Stress  [2:20]

In our modern world, everyone can relate to stress. Most people can acknowledge that stress affects human health. Stressors are part of our everyday lives. Dr. Ehrlich’s approach to stress has been to identify the factors that makeup stress. Since we can't eliminate stress from our lives, the key to managing it is to build up our resilience to it. 

He reminds us that not all stress is bad. Exercise and fasting are examples of good stressors. We need to build good stressors in our lives to challenge our immune systems.

As the world becomes increasingly more complex he believes the solution to the problem is simple. Some people get empowered by work and stress and others feel overwhelmed. Changing our attitude towards it can make a huge difference in building resilience. We need to take a holistic view of how the body works.

The 5 Stressors in Life to Identify and Minimize [10:12]

Dr. Ehrlich says we can reduce stress by working on these 5 things:

1. Emotional Health

2. Environmental Health

3. Postural Health

4. Nutritional Health

5. Dental Health

Try making a mission statement for your life and change your attitude toward stress.

Resiliency in Dating and Relationships [21:32]

If you want to have better relationships and a better life in general, start with sleep and breathwork. The quantity and quality of sleep you get is important. 7-9 hours of sleep is the average amount of sleep humans need to function at their best. People who get 5-6 hours of sleep or less aren't getting enough sleep.

If you want to be better at dating and be more resilient and give a stronger impression of your true self go to bed earlier and take sleep seriously. It will positively affect your work and personal life. It should be a lifelong habit.

A good night’s rest helps to regulate hormones and can rejuvenate the body.

To practice proper sleep hygiene:

● Prioritize sleep

● Make it a routine

● Change your relationship with technology

● Drink less alcohol

● Don’t eat 1-2 hours before bed

● Regulate the room temperature

● Have a comfortable bed

● Eliminate excess noise

● Make the room dark at dark

Dr. Ehrlich notes that light from the screens we use is affecting our melatonin levels. Get all technology out of your life and your bedroom one hour before you go to bed. Electrical equipment should not be within 5 feet of your head and phones should be set to silent. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dr. Ron Ehrlich Website

A Life Less Stressed: The 5 Pillars of Health and Wellness Book

1