In this practical conversation about refocusing your attention on yourself to have a healthier dating life, Marni speaks with author and podcast host Kasie Main. Kasie discusses her book, I Gave Up Men For Lent: The story of a jaded, hopelessly romantic, health-conscious party girl’s search for meaning, and the strategies she used to shift her mindset around dating.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Kasie reflects on a time when she was a people pleaser only doing what other people expected of her. She admits to getting off track of what she really wanted from life and focusing too much attention on finding a partner. Her past was littered with Disney movies and stereotypes that fostered the belief that she had to find her better half to be complete. She had an attachment to how her life was supposed to look.
She shares a personal story of a night out that led to massive guilt and shame. It was then that her intuition told her enough is enough. She knew she needed a change so she gave up men and a few other distractions for lent.
Kasie admits she is still in process and doesn't have it all figured out. But, she says, taking the first step of becoming aware that she needed a relationship with herself was paramount to being emotionally healthy. For 40-days she refocused her attention toward herself.
Journaling made a major impact on Kasie’s search to uncover past patterns and discover her ‘why’. She says that writing out her experiences helped her take a deep dive into her motivations. Her book, I Gave Up Men for Lent is based on her journal entries. Sharing her shame and guilt with others allowed her to release it completely.
We are always doing the best we can, even when it doesn't look like it. Self-introspection allows us to shift our mindset and ultimately have healthier relationships because we have a better relationship with ourselves.
By completely removing dating from her life, Kasie wondered if she was being too extreme. She had the courage to take the first step but found herself wondering if she had taken it too far. The hardest part of Kasie’s process was finding a balance. Success came from her self-actualization and not from the stringent rules she placed on herself.
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In this informative conversation about releasing the limiting beliefs that hold us back from getting what we truly want, Marni speaks with expert planner, Dr. Kerry Ann Rockquemore. Dr. Rockquemore offers actionable steps that lead to discovering what you truly want from life and relationships and the structures and strategies to help you manifest it.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Getting clear about what a meaningful life means for you is the first step to creating your annual plan. Dr. Rockquemore admits that even she doesn’t enjoy planning but says without it you can get stuck in a life you don’t enjoy. Starting with these four elements will illuminate what you desire in the new year.
Have you asked yourself what you want from a relationship? Tap into your inner wisdom by using a combination of emotions, reason, and intuition.
At a basic level, resistance is a subtle but powerful feeling that bubbles up making you want to do anything and everything but what you need to do to get what you desire. Fear is the underlying cause of resistance. When you start the process of creating a meaningful life it can be scary. Dr. Rockquemore confides that you have to be vulnerable.
The next step of your creating your action plan is to write out your limiting beliefs.
What things in your past are holding you back? It’s time to shed your story and create a new one that serves you.
Once you have devised personal strategies it is time to create collective goals with your partner. Moving toward something together can bring great joy to a relationship. Attaining small joint goals builds momentum toward achieving contentment and growth with a partner.
One pitfall Dr. Rockquemore warns of is to understand it is not your role to hold your partner accountable. That, she says, is a recipe for resentment and conflict. Putting the proper structures in place to support accountability is the key to planning.
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The Best Chapter — Kerry Ann’s Website
In this intimate coaching call, Marni works with Jordana who is searching for hope. Jordana is a single mom with three children and is frustrated by a recent break up from a man she feels betrayed her. But, there is more to the story than Jordana realizes. Marni helps her unpack her feelings and gives her a plan to move forward.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Jordana reveals her devastation over her recent break up with an older co-worker. She says she begs him to love her again. She feels betrayed by him walking away. He was supposed to be there for her and her family. She has tried dating but finds it difficult. She wants to move on.
She has three children and she feels like she will never find someone to love her or her children again. And, she says she put so much into her last relationship that she doesn’t want to start over. She's chasing the dream of a normal family.
Marni asks Jordana to describe her relationship with her father. She describes the anger and rage that was brought about by a break in the family unit that up until then was a source of love and comfort for her. Dad had a “friend” at work and it was tearing the family apart.
When we have a trauma at a young age it creates a deep neural groove. Until she heals it she will attract men who treat her the same way and she may be doing it to herself. Jordana’s ability to attract an emotionally available person will be hindered by the fact that she's leaking her issues and out of alignment with who she really is.
When we feel shame or we reject ourselves it is hard for us to allow someone to love us because we don't believe we are worthy of love.
Jordana has been avoiding her feelings. Marni recommends she grieves for her past losses and childhood trauma before starting her healing process. Then when she is ready she needs to feel into her feelings.
To heal and move forward Jordana should:
Make a Connection:
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates