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The Dating Den

Each week on the podcast, I’ll be interviewing the world’s top experts in attraction, dating, communication, sex, and relationships, as well as coaching real women LIVE, through their real life dating challenges… that are probably a lot like yours!
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Now displaying: January, 2020
Jan 31, 2020

The Bachelor is back! Marni and her favorite man-panelist, Chris Gillis break down Episode 4 to pull out all the juicy nuggets you need to know. Together, they translate the show’s drama into real-life dating and relationship scenarios that you can use in your life to make finding a high-quality guy easier. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • The downsides of being too nice
  • Setting boundaries
  • What to do if you run into an ex when you are on a date
  • Being specific about your needs and speaking your truth
  • The benefits of being vulnerable

 

Why Being Too Nice is the Worst [2:25]

 In episode four, Pilot Pete is indecisive. He doesn't trust himself. He doesn't know what he is looking for. He seems inauthentic and wishy-washy. It doesn’t seem as if he is trying to get to know the women and he thinks he is playing it safe. 

 

Chris says has been on both ends of the spectrum in dating. He has been the person who was too nice and he has had a girl be too nice to him. In his experience, it just causes problems for both parties. He had a friend who would ghost girls because he didn't have the balls to tell them he wasn't interested. It hurts people. 

 

Ladies, if a guy does this to you take it as a sign that the guy is not the type of guy you want to be with anyway. It's manipulative to not speak your truth. You can't make everyone love you. A strong connection can never be formed with someone afraid of showing who they are. 

 

Runing Into an Ex [9:57]

During the show, Peter and Victoria F. are on a date when she sees one of her ex’s. She creates hella drama and makes the situation uncomfortable. 

 

Marni says if this happens to you do the opposite of what Victoria F. did. Don't make it a big deal of it. Don't create the drama. 

 

Victoria F. shut down and was too in her head to have fun. She was too worried about making Peter uncomfortable and about what he would think. 

 

If you are honest with your date about knowing the other person, your date’s reaction will tell you a lot about him. A douchey guy will react with jealousy and rudeness. You will know you don't want to date him again.  

 

When and How to Show Vulnerability [20:04]

If you are hung up on someone or not in integrity with yourself like Peter is on Hannah B. it impacts your ability to connect with other people. A high-quality guy will know that you are wishy-washy and not be interested. 

 

Peter runs from conflict. He doesn't stand up for himself. It’s hard to decipher what he believes in because he avoids difficult conversations. Whereas Hannah B. on the Bachelorette would show up and say you guys need to stop. The right men were impressed by that. Peter lacks the confidence to set boundaries and ask for what he wants.

 

You can be vulnerable. take responsibility for what you want, and create connection. If you just say "I'm trying my best, I'm sorry" it doesn’t offer the other person a way forward. 

 

Marni says if you have a complaint add 'what I need is' and state what you need. 

 

There is a power in being specific about what your needs are.

There is power in having empathy

 

Chris thinks the women who are the front runners are not getting a lot of camera time because they don't pick fights or tear other women down.

 

Make a Connection:

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Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

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Jan 27, 2020

The Bachelor is back! Marni and her favorite man-panelist, Chris Gillis break down Episode 3 to pull out all the juicy nuggets you need to know. Together, they translate the show’s drama into real-life dating and relationship scenarios that you can use in your life to make finding a high-quality guy easier.  

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • The importance of being authentically you
  • How to turn a victim story into a hero story
  • What your facial expressions say about you
  • It’s ok to ask a friend’s advice

 

When a Pink Flag Turns Red for a Man [1:46]

 Marni and Chris discuss their winner’s bracket and Chris admits that he chose Alayah as the winner with his eyeballs. They both reflect that yes, what someone looks like makes a difference.  It doesn't mean men are jerks. It is 100% true that they do have a natural attraction to the physical. Alayah is beautiful but she is sending up all kinds of red flags. 

Alayah makes it apparent she is not part of the pack. All the other girls turned on her and she got the boot. She was sending a message through her conversations and actions that she didn’t have many relationships in life. Sidney says she is being phony and calculated. 

Ladies, this is a lesson to be yourself. If you feel you can't be yourself when dating, if you get frustrated when dating, or you don't really want to go on a date. When you do go on a date a high-quality guy will sense it. It will feel slightly off to him. 

It is best to be your true authentic self and be real about your bumps and bruises. 

Pete wonders what else Alayah may be hiding. He even sought out advice from a friend because he knows deep down that something is off. 

Marni asks Chris, “how do you know whether something you feel is off or whether it is something you are carrying with you from a past relationship”? 

  • Your intuition will guide you without fear. If you feel fear than it may be a self-worth issue.  
  • If we own our stories it helps us to recognize the messages our subconscious sends. 
  • Take responsibility for gaining clarity and ask high-quality questions. 
  • Ask yourself ‘what do I need to know to make an informed decision?’.

 

How to Share Your Challenges Without Playing the Victim [21:08]

Victoria P. had another shoddy week. On her date with Pete, she seemed to throw up her childhood story in a victim-y way instead of being naturally vulnerable. 

Marni notes that dirty laundry is not vulnerability. Chris says Victoria had the opportunity to tell a victim story or a hero story and she chose the victim story. He says instead of Peter thinking that she is a badass woman and that they could weather any storm with her strength he probably thought that she is still bleeding from her scars and that threw up a red flag. 

Sharing your story can create connection but you have to tell how it made you the wonderful person you are today. When you tell the victim story you will attract guys who are attracted to victims. 

Who you are attracted to is a reflection of where you are in your self-worth and ability to stay emotionally safe. 

Kelly, the attorney, is low-key. She admits that the other girls aren’t necessarily her people and this competition isn't her scene yet makes it clear to Peter that she really likes him. 

Marni and Chris point out that Kelly isn't creating drama which makes her confident and engaging. 

 

Takeaways From Episode 3 of The Bachelor [32:03]

  • Don't be the victim. 
  • Be authentically you.
  • Your body language will always tell the truth.
  • Go with your gut feelings.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Jan 24, 2020

Marni speaks with Dating with Dignity alumni, Michelle Rosa-Littleton about her dating experiences before and after her transformation. Michelle shares the steps she took to banish her limiting beliefs, meet her short-term dating goals, and how she met her husband online.  

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Stepping out of your comfort zone
  • Transforming your dating goals
  • Trusting the process
  • Taking responsibility for your actions.

 

Before Michelle’s Dating Transformation [2:02]

 Michelle was married for 19 years. After her divorce, she would date on and off. She even dated an old sweetheart knowing he was married. She felt she was spinning in a downward spiral and emotionally hit rock bottom. 

 

From the outside, she looks like she had everything. Her kids were doing well. She had a great job and a house but on the inside, she felt like she was living a lie and faking her way through life. 

 

Michelle recalls the moment everything changed. She was awarded a short phone conversation with Marni. During their conversation, Marni got right to the heart of the matter and offered Michelle three things that she could do to change her life. It gave her hope. They were the right words at the right time from the right person. She was ready. She knew she didn't want to be alone. So, she got serious about doing the work. 

 

Michelle says the biggest hurdles to overcome were changing the notion of staying where she was and changing her limiting beliefs. 

 

What do you gain by staying the same?

 

Trusting the Process  [13:12]

In sticking with the process, Michelle could see her transformation.  She shifted her energy and regained her inner light. She began dating as her new self. She admits it felt a little outside of her comfort zone and powerful at the same time. She became more interested in what she could learn about men than dating them to see how they might meet her needs. 

 

She recalls one man she dated, Bruce. He asked her out for New Year’s Eve and then to join him to a company function in Hawaii. They hit it off but during the trip, something didn’t feel right. After returning, Bruce didn’t call Michelle. She knew from her Dating with Dignity coursework it was better to talk it out so they could part as friends.

 

Meeting Mr. Right [20:35]

 Michelle reopened her online profile. She had previously limited her search to the city limits but low and behold a missed connection with someone geographically close to her popped up. Michelle followed the process and decided to text, talk, and meet as soon as possible to avoid building up a relationship in her head. Casey sent her a great text. He was curious about her and he had thoroughly read her profile. Michelle agreed to a phone date and then to meet.

 

She says her relationship is everything she ever wanted and things she didn't know she wanted. She wants to make each day with him the best day ever. She is 100% herself around him.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Jan 20, 2020

The Bachelor is back! Marni and her favorite man-panelist, Chris Gillis break down Episode 2 to pull out all the juicy nuggets you need to know. Together, they translate the show’s drama into real-life dating and relationship scenarios that you can use in your life to make finding a high-quality guy easier.  

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Is your new guy over his ex?
  • Getting the attention of a high-quality man
  • How to manage conflict in a relationship
  • How to show a guy you are interested

 

How Do You Know if the Guy You Are Dating is Over His Ex? [1:48]

 Attaining closure when a relationship ends is an important step in the process of moving on. If we truly want to move on we have to create space for a new person to occupy.

 

From the episode, Hannah B. shows up and talks to Peter about possibly getting back together even though he ended up being her third choice in The Bachelorette. Is he over her and ready to date other women? 

 

Signs a guy isn’t over his ex: 

 

  • He still hangs out with her. 
  • He just wants the security, not necessarily a relationship with you.
  • Being in quiet personal quarters with his ex.

 

Peter asks Hannah 'Do you miss me or do you miss being in a relationship?’ 

 

It's a valid question. Chris doesn’t think Peter is emotionally available and over her yet. But, Peter says he’s not sure he knows how to get over someone.

 

Dos and Don'ts of Getting the Attention of a HIgh-Quality Gut [11:01]

The Bachelor demonstrates many different ways women try to get Peter’s attention. It’s not realistic that there will always be 30-women fighting for one guy. But, it does give a clear picture of how the women deal with adversity and failure. 

 

For example, Victoria acts like a two-year-old when she doesn't get her way. It gets Peter's attention at first but it's not a good long term play. 

 

Chris notes, the person you are going after will notice when things go awry. Men are constantly thinking about what if’s. We want to make sure our partner has the mental toughness and positive outlook to make it through the hard times. 

 

For example, the champagne scene has a lot of drama. Hannah Ann - handled it well, she said I’m sorry. A little emotional maturity goes a long way. 

 

If you want to circumvent drama, just say ok and let things go. 

 

When Kelsey gets her champagne taken she sets herself up as a victim and she gives her power away to Hannah Ann. 

 

Chris thinks the powerless, whiny victim act will turn Peter away. Managing conflict is one of the most important pieces in having a solid relationship. 

 

Women of the Bachelor [26:05]

 Chris and Marni have made brackets and picked who they think will win Peter’s heart. But, as each episode passes more and more aspects of the girl’s character will unfold. 

 

Chris thinks Peter is smitten with Hannah Ann but thinks hottie, Alayah’s chances are good. Marni points out that Hannah Ann stirs up drama. He also thinks Madison the basketball player is badass and she is a winner. He also likes Madison because she is trying to get to know Peter instead of just being admired like Hannah Ann. 

 

High-quality guys want women to think they are interested in them and to be curious about them. They are motivated by their egos. 

 

Marni chose Hannah Ann to win but the drama is a red flag. She thinks Kelley will stick around and that she won’t get involved in the drama. She seems to have a high level of self-worth.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Jan 17, 2020

In this energizing episode, Marni speaks with Dr. Ken Harris about the power of synchronicity and how you can use it to attract the one. Dr. Ken is an author, chiropractor, educator, lecturer, and founder of the Waldwick Wellness Center, an all-natural health and wellness center. Dr. Ken is a pioneer in holistic healing who has dedicated his whole life to the mind, body, spirit connection. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • Why certain people come into your life 
  • Why it’s important to talk to strangers
  • What information your gut is offering you
  • Why gratitude and appreciation bring more synchronicity to your life
  • The beauty of strong intentions
  • How to shift your internal conversation to aid your growth

 

What is Synchronicity? [2:39

Carl Yung defined synchronicity as meaningful coincidences. Dr. Ken says that it is not always easy to connect the dots when synchronistic events are happening but in retrospect you connect the dots and become aware of the connection. Those who are really tuned in may notice it extemporaneously.

 

Dr. Ken believes that everyone he meets is a teacher or guide for him. ‘God’ is in every person you encounter. They all have something to give you. If you want to increase the amount of synchronicity in your life talk to strangers. He says a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet. Ladies, in dating, taking the time to meet more people is totally worth it. 

 

Is it my gut leading me or is fear triggering me? 

 

Dr. Ken says it doesn’t matter. If you have an emotional reaction to a person there is a piece of you that you have not loved yet that is being reflected back to you from that person. If you are triggered, ask yourself 'What part of me have I not loved yet?' Triggers are strong attractions or repulsions. 

 

You will attract people into your life who can not give you what you need to make you learn it for yourself.

 

There are 7 Types of Synchronicity [9:24]

Dr. Ken shares three of the seven unique qualities of each synchronicity types from his book, Synchronicity: The Magic. The Mystery. The Meaning. 

 

  1. Precursor Synchronicity — Could come from a dream or vision and then it manifests in your 3D world. 
  2. Deviation Synchronicity — Is when there is a break in your normal routine for a reason you may not understand yet.
  3. Expansion Synchronicity — When you are ready to go to the next level in your life people are sent to you. 

 

Dr. Ken says you have to be thankful, or have the spirit of thankfulness because if you are miserable you can miss the synchronicity happening around you. If you are frustrated, in victim mode, or doubting your dating life you may be blocking synchronicity. 

 

When you have strong intentions it creates an electrical impulse. If you have elevated emotions connected to your thoughts, your emotions become magnetic . You create an electro-magnetic arc that emanates from your body that says - send me who I need to meet. 

 

Daily practices to activate synchronicity: 

 

  • Write down a minimum of three things you are thankful for 
  • When in meditation let the conscious mind get fired up and send your messages into the quantum field 

 

Synchronicity can be created by you and it can be, by grace, given to you. 

 

Shifting and Changing Your Attitude to Be Open to Synchronicity [21:50]

 When we love ourselves enough we know that it is a pleasure for others to meet us. When we feel good about ourselves we are open to the giving and receiving of information. Dr. Ken warns us to not believe your negative self-talk is telling you. Make sure your internal conversations assist with your growth. Your energy will eventually change.

 

The biggest misunderstanding of synchronicity is that people don't realize the importance of it. The educated mind will try to talk you out of it and make you believe there is no meaning in synchronicity, don't pay attention to it. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Get a Free User’s Guide to Synchronicity: The Magic. The Mystery. The Meaning.

Jan 10, 2020

Marni gets some advice about dating and sex from an attractive, married Counselor and Priest. Christain Anderson is back to share a man’s perspective about women who will and women who won’t. He founded LetsTalkDatingOnline.com and was also an original man panelist way back when and a former self-professed commitment-phobe. He now helps couples lead healthy spirit-filled relationships and his Youtube channel, Your Favorite Christian, and his podcast, A Priest and a Rabbi, focuses on relationships and faith.    

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • Why women should wait for commitment before having sex
  •  3 types of guys to watch out for when dating
  • How to change the trajectory of a relationship
  • Tips for having conversations about sex
  • How to speak your truth

 

3 Types of Men You Will Encounter When Dating [3:11]

 Christian went through his personal journey of dating as a Quality Casual guy before getting married and joining the priesthood. He says that women who are dating will meet these three types of men.

 

The Hunter — the guy who gets excited about the hunt. He will do whatever needed to get 'the kill' (sex or just a phone number), feels satisfied with himself and then the thrill is gone.

 

The Player — basically the guy who is all about playing the field. Moving from one game to the next. 

 

The Quality Casual — this guy is more upfront with you. He tells you the truth about where he is in his life and he warns you not to get attached. 

 

When should a woman share their values about having sex? [6:33]

Christian works with women who are learning their value when it comes to sex. He says “if you realize you are empowered, you can change the trajectory of how your relationship will go.” 

 

An empowered woman is a woman who sets the rules by stating her values and describing what she wants from a relationship. So, before having sex be sure you feel emotionally safe with the guy and his values match what you are looking for. 

 

When should a woman share their values about having sex? What if they are in the middle of making out? 

 

Christian recommends building an air of mystery during the first three dates. Even if you have a great first date, if he leans in for a kiss tell him you would love to kiss him but you would feel more comfortable getting to know him better. He will feel you are special. Invite him into your awesome but bide your time. 

 

Tips for Having Intimate Conversations [19:43]

 Why are we are willing to open up our legs or offer the most intimate parts of ourselves yet we are afraid to talk about our values with men?

Christian points out that couples who are honest, transparent, and have open communication are better at dealing with conflict resolution and avoid pitfalls. 

 

The most successful married couples are the ones who communicate well with each other. It's a learned skill set.

 

If a man is emotionally mature, he will be turned on by a woman’s confidence and appreciate that she loves herself and knows her value. Christian says women should speak their truth in an inviting way. 

Start by discussing how you feel instead of what you think.

 

First, say what you feel and then express what you need. 

 

Sometimes a guy is going through his own stuff, it's often not about you. When you have the conversation about sex and he doesn't want to go that way it may be because he is on his own journey. Don't take it personally. 

 

Waiting is a great filter to weed out non-high-quality guys and guys who aren’t ready for a relationship.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Your Favorite Christian on Youtube

A Priest and a Rabbi Podcast

Jan 3, 2020

In this inspiring conversation, Marni speaks with a friend and client, Jill about her experience of a divorce she wasn’t ready for and the shift that happened when she reclaimed her identity. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • Moving past the shame of divorce
  • Reclaiming self-confidence after you’ve been hurt
  • Why vulnerability is your friend
  • Why it’s important to trust the process
  • What it takes to find a high-quality man 

 

Jill’s Backstory [3:05]

 Jill was living a normal married life. She had two kids and had a decent relationship with her husband of 26 years. One day her husband told her he didn’t want to be married any longer. She was taken back. Jill realized her entire identity had been built around her marriage and family. She had never thought about who she was without those things in her life. 

 

Reaching Out for Help [8:19]

Jill discovered Dating with Dignity through a family member. As soon as she began she saw the value. She says she felt like a sponge learning everything she could about herself through the program. She learned to be vulnerable and to face her vulnerability straight on. She confronted her worthiness and confidence with an open mind. She got clear about who she really was and discovered her ‘New Who’. 

 

Dating After Divorce [12:09]

 

Jill had fun when she started dating again. Her depression lifted and she was ready to tackle life again. Even when her Ex came back three times, she knew she wanted a man who was more evolved emotionally. Her inner voice became stronger leading her towards a relationship that felt good instead of just a relationship. 

 

Hindsight Advice [25:13]

 

Jill’s advice to other women who find themselves uncertain of their future after a divorce is to always be open and curious and to not be concerned about the outcome when dating. She says vulnerability is your friend, don't be scared of it. And, have the strength and courage to move forward because there is nothing to be scared of. 

 

The benefit of doing the program was getting to know herself and learning to accept all parts of herself. She needed direction and the course allowed her to go deeper and deeper into who she was. 

 

The by-product of her divorce and taking the course is having a wonderful boyfriend. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

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