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The Dating Den

Each week on the podcast, I’ll be interviewing the world’s top experts in attraction, dating, communication, sex, and relationships, as well as coaching real women LIVE, through their real life dating challenges… that are probably a lot like yours!
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Now displaying: March, 2020
Mar 27, 2020

For practical advice on the seven sexy habits that drive men wild, Marni welcomes the best-selling author of Project Everlasting, and  creator of the Cracking the Man Code seminar, Matt Boggs into the den. Matt helps millions of people around the world understand the hearts and minds of the opposite sex and how they can attract the relationship they desire. He is a sought after dating and relationship expert. He's been featured on the Today Show, CNN, Headline News, and Oprah & Friends. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • What flirting is and isn’t
  • What men need from a woman
  • Strategies for showing a guy you are interested without going overboard
  • How to express your sexual energy
  • How to say no to a guy if you are not interested in him

 

Driving Men Wild in the Time of #Metoo [2:36]

All of Matt's work revolves around supporting and empowering women in their love life. During the time of #Metoo, men have been shifting their behavior in how much attraction they are willing to show especially in certain environments. There has been a pullback from men when it comes to making the first move.  

 

Are men afraid of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing? Marni says ‘Yes’. Therefore, women need to make it clear they are interested so guys know it's ok to approach us and show us they are interested. 

 

Women sometimes falsely think that men have all the power in a relationship. The truth is the woman has way more power and influence in the dating, courting, and attraction phase of the relationship. Throughout history, in relationships where there is a ton of chemistry and connection it is the woman who sends the signal and chooses the man. 

 

To get a guy’s attention, making eye contact and smiling may not be enough. If you want to be bold beckon him over with your finger. You can be proactive AND feminine.  

 

The Over/ Under Challenge [10:57]

One of the biggest challenges in dating is when you feel attraction for another person you either overcompensate, or over demonstrate attraction for them. This is when a woman gushes over a man which is a total turn off. Men value what they earn so when a woman gushes too early it triggers something in a guy that makes them think the woman does it for everyone and therefore they are not special. It deflates the attraction.

 

The under is toxic to the attraction also. It's when a woman plays the ice queen as if they are not interested at all. Older and more successful women are more likely to act reserved. They may be afraid of getting hurt or they may not want to lead a guy on. 

 

For a man to move things forward, a woman needs to demonstrate she is attracted to him.  A woman's willingness to share her sexual attraction for a man is paramount. Sex is the main thing that differentiates a friendship from a romantic partnership.

 

  • Flirting doesn't mean you have to have sex with a man. 
  • Flirting is not slutty.
  • Flirting is not manipulating. 
  • Flirting is recognizing that you are ready for a romantic partner. 

 

In the dating game everyone is playing the same game. Rejection shouldn't stop you from playing the dating game nor should it devastate you. 

 

The 7 Sexy Habits that Drive a Guy Wild [20:44]

Matt shares seven tactics you can use to express your sexual energy that men love. Expressing these seven things will boost a man’s attraction and desire for you. 

 

  1. Walking with a sway in your hips. 
  2. Eat more sensually. 
  3. Whisper in his ear. 
  4. The way you sing to yourself. 
  5. The way you dance. 
  6. The way you attack your man in bed. 
  7. The way you go for your dreams. 

 

A woman in joy is highly attractive to a man. 

 

Barriers to Implementing Sexy Strategies [30:59]

The number one barrier to implementing these strategies is feeling like you are leading a guy on and then that you may be disappointing or rejecting him. 

 

When you reject a man it's not devastating to him. You are not responsible for his emotions or experience. You are simply freeing him up to find someone who is right for him. It's ok that it is just not a match. If a man approaches you and you are not interested, Matt recommends using this response “I'm flattered and I honor your courage. Unfortunately, I'm not available and I wish you the best of luck in your search for love." 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

15 Phrases That Ignite Desire in Men

Mar 20, 2020

Marni welcomes Neuroscience Researcher and Creator of Neuroscience 101, Mark Waldman. Mark is the author of fourteen books including the national bestseller, How God Changes Your Brain, a book that was chosen by Oprah as a must-read. His work has been published in neuroscience and psychology journals, in Time and Forbes, and he is featured in many Youtube videos and a TEDx talk.

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • Why women make better leaders
  • An 10-second exercise to be calm instantly
  • How to control your runaway thoughts
  • How to prep your mind for a first date
  • A likely cause depression

 

Neurowisdom is the New Science of Brain Science [2:35]

 Mark coined the term ‘neurowisdom’ for the time when we think we are being knowledgeable. Our brains have a thinking network, a salience network, and an imagination network. The salience network is stronger in women than in men. Empathy, intuition, compassion, and self-love traits can all be attributed to the salience network. When you stimulate the salience part of your brain you balance out your creative imagination and your ability to make wise decisions. 

 

Men, on the other hand, have a larger amygdala, which is the threat center of the brain. Research suggests that this explains why men are more aggressive in general. The thinking brain is our conscious planning mind where we carry out tasks. Mark believes that women make better leaders, therapists, and parents because of their more developed salience network. If you have a female brain your social brain is more developed.

 

Research shows that all mammals can be born with a male or female body but the brain develops autonomously with different hormones. It explains a lot of the conflict around gender identity. 

 

How to Create Connection & Intimacy by Optimizing Your Brain [12:08]

 Are you aware of the term ‘hot-headed’? Mark says that yawning is a thermal regulatory mechanism for the brain.  When you yawn more cerebral blood flow circulates in your imagination center. Yawning slows down all the chatter in the thinking part of the thinking brain. 

 

While we can’t live full-time in the empathetic part of the brain, diving into a meditative state or any form of relaxed meditative practice stimulates your salience network. Any time you take a few seconds to sit back and observe all of your rambling thoughts and feelings inside, you are creating a balance between the three networks and your motivational network.

 

Mindfulness practices can make substantial structural changes within the brain. But to function better right now in the moment, brief forms of meditation have an immediate effect. To become aware in an instant, download the mindfulness clock and take 10-60 seconds at a time to do a mindful yawn. This can be done at work or right before a date.  

 

80% of the time you can take someone who has intense pain and bring their pain down to zero or one with yawning in 20 minutes.

 

Creating a Mindful State Before a Date [35:56]

An important way to stay calm is to pay attention to your intuition and take your fingers and stroke the palm and fingers of your opposite palm. Take a full 60 seconds to do it and become aware of the sensation and daydream.

 

Your imagination center puts together all kinds of thoughts and combinations of what is possible to achieve a particular goal. When you are in a relaxed mindful state of awareness you can mix your inner knowledge with outer knowledge. 

 

When someone asks you a question, try to respond in 10 or 20 words maximum because that is all a person can consistently listen to.  

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

6-Days to Enlightenment with Mark Waldman

NeuroTips for Money, Happiness & Success with Mark Waldman

Mar 14, 2020

In this episode, Marni and her favorite man-panelist, Chris Gillis break down the two-day finale to pull out all the juicy nuggets you need to know. Together, they translate the show’s drama into real-life dating and relationship scenarios you can use in your life to make finding a real, high-quality guy easier. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • Understanding your non-negotiables and being in integrity with yourself
  • Identifying patterns in your failed relationships
  • The importance of being open, honest, and vulnerable
  • The purpose of slowing down and being curious about your partner
  • Choosing a partner solely to get validation
  • Knowing when to compromise and when it’s martyrdom

 

Meeting the Family [1:43]

 During the show when meeting Barbara, Hannah Anne walks in and wants to fit in and be liked. But Madison's actions were more cryptic. She was 3-hours late and seemed a bit harsh. There was a superficial exchange and poor communication between Barbara and Madison. 

 

Marni asks when you are considering a long-term relationship where do you draw the line between what the family thinks and how you want to live your life? Should it be a Megan and Harry type thing when you pull out completely or some form of compromise?

 

Chris believes this subject should be talked about and understood by both partners before it is time to meet the family. Marni says when family is a core value it means you want to spend time with the family as a couple, share holidays, etc. 

 

We get so caught up in being enamored with each other when dating sometimes we fail to ask the important questions like what faith or family looks like for the other person. 

  

Breaking Up Isn’t Hard to Do [8:04]

In the desert, Madison breaks up with Peter. She says she loves him but they live different lives. She says love is necessary but not sufficient. 

 

Chris thinks Peter wasn't honest with himself and was trying to live up to someone else's ideals. It's attractive when someone can be open and vulnerable but Peter was setting himself up for failure. 

 

Marni notes that Peter has a belief that love conquers all and if you love someone you can get through anything. But, Madison was not willing to compromise anything and Peter would have had to compromise himself completely. She thinks Peter’s family has a different way of expressing his faith that is a bit rigid.  

 

When deciding on a long-term partner you might want to be flexible about your non-negotiables. 

 

After Madison breaks up with Peter he decides he doesn't want to lose Hannah Anne. But is it really about love?  

 

Marni points out that Peter knows Hanna Anne is a great person but he may not be over his ex. She shares how a situation like this may have been handled better and the different options Peter could have used to be more open, honest, and vulnerable. Peter is falling into the trap of loving anyone who loves him to get validated.

 

Being Attracted to Drama Syndrome [33:56]

For Peter, the feeling of love is a feeling of being challenged, and that is an unhealthy way to experience love. Both he and Hannah Anne are people pleasers. 

 

If you identify with this pattern, Marni says that should be the number one issue to address to improve your relationships. 

 

Out of the women on the show, Marni thinks that possibly Kelsey and Peter may be a match because of their shared emotional immaturity. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Mar 13, 2020

Marni welcomes Editor, Author, and Writing Coach, Shawna Kenney into the den to discuss her award-winning memoir I Was a Teenage Dominatrix and to explain how writing out our journey can lead to a deeper understanding of ourselves. Shawna edited Marni’s book, How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates and she is a contributing editor of Narratively magazine and an instructor at UCLA Extension Writers Program. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • The power of writing your story
  • How to reframe experiences from the point of view of others
  • How to get started writing your hero’s journey
  • How to identify your strengths

 

I Was a Teenage Dominatrix  [2:36]

Shawna shares the details about the job that funded her college life. She answered an ad in the newspaper and without much sexual experience she worked for six years as a dominatrix in Washington,  DC. 

 

After becoming a journalist, she found herself telling stories around the office. Her story was different than the other memoirs she read at the time. For Shawna, being a dominatrix was a means to an end. She was free of drugs and alcohol and she wasn't ashamed of what she did. Her narrative was different from others. 

 

Shawna says ’writing your story allows you to reflect. The stories we hold are curated. We are the editors of our own story. It gives us a chance to look back at the facts of our lives and consider our strong points and have compassion for ourselves.

 

The Power of Writing Your Story [11:16]

As a writing coach and teacher, Shawna says that when writing the first drafts of our stories we sometimes miss our strengths. It is helpful to have a coach or have others read the story to point our strengths out. When we are the reader and the writer we look for negative aspects instead of the positive.

 

Other people can pull things out of your story that you may have missed because you were too busy living it to notice. 

 

In a process she calls ‘Reframing It’ Shawna describes how we can start the writing process. Take one story and write it all out and then go back a few days later and write a second version with more compassion for the characters involved. Notice the changes with subsequent edits. You can tell the same story in a hundred different ways. 

 

Psychological studies show that people who have themes of personal agency and exploration in their own stories have higher levels of well-being and less depression. 

 

If you are having trouble getting started, consider what therapy would cost and consider the benefits of therapeutic writing. Unless you are thinking of publishing, it doesn't matter how good you are. Find little bits of time. Take a class. Writing is a skill that can be sharpened and honed. 

 

The Hero's Journey [18:46]

Shawna describes the hero’s journey. The hero hears a call to adventure which requires them to leave home where they encounter mentor figures. They form allies and friendships, then they encounter problems and enemies but through their experience, they are reborn and transformed by encountering new challenges and obstacles. They return home transformed and resurrected. 

 

It's a good exercise to see yourself as a hero of your journey and then seeing yourself as a character on the page. It helps you to identify your strengths. 

 

Experiences shape us and they are all valuable. Even if you are hurting at first because of them you will find later they are valuable. You may even thank them. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Shawna Kenney

Mar 6, 2020

Marni goes deep in this episode uncovering the factors that contribute to emotional trauma and how they may be holding us back in dating and relationships. Her guest, Dr. Besel van der Kolk is a clinical doctor, researcher, professor, and author who specializes in post-traumatic stress. His book, The Body Keeps Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma is a New York Times Science bestseller. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • Why we don’t have control over many responses and reactions
  • Different types of emotional trauma
  • Body-based trauma healing techniques
  • How to create a loving relationship with your wounded parts
  • Effective trauma healing therapies 
  • Four steps to start healing now 

 

Why Our Bodies Hold On to Trauma [2:42]

 Dr. Besel van der Kolk says that in nature when you are under threat the brain activates your fight or flight system. If it doesn't work, the system shuts down kind of like playing dead. Most of the decisions our brain makes are unconscious. Be hungry, sleepy, liking someone, or not liking someone these are feelings you can not control. All the core human processes are unconscious, automatic processes and reactions. 

 

It affects our ability to create connection and intimacy profoundly. It may be an extreme reaction to traumas and triggers from long ago. The first step to overcoming unconscious reactions is to become aware of how you are responding. 

 

Listen to your body and uncover the source of your feelings. 

 

Why Traditional Therapy May Not Be Enough to Heal Trauma [12:18]

In his book, Dr. Besel van der Kolk relates the automatic signaling in the brain to a smoke detector. The more trauma you have in your life the more sensitive your 'smoke detector' is. So, how would you know if your smoke detector is hyperactive? Are you needlessly shutting people out or shutting down emotionally because of a hyperactive smoke detector?

 

Friends and companions are in our lives to keep us in check. We need each other. Humans are social animals. We depend on the feedback of our friends and companions to keep us from getting stuck in a circle of shame and humiliation. 

 

Why isn’t traditional talk therapy or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy enough to heal our childhood wounds? Dr. van der Kolk says “Telling people how messed up they are doesn't really help. We are fundamentally body-based. You need to get to know your body and work on making your body feel safe. Learning yoga can be very helpful to take stock of the body.” 

 

Allow yourself to feel what that child went through how he or she did to survive. Create a loving relationship with the wounded parts of yourself. 

 

Managing the Fear Associated with Unpacking Trauma [22:51]

The job of therapists is to help people to go to the scary places and deal with trauma. There are several different techniques to help calm the brain such as EMDR and neurofeedback. 

 

  • EMDR or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing works by rearranging pathways in the brain. It creates different channels in your brain so you interpret the world differently. 

 

  • Neurofeedback is a method of putting electrodes on your skull which sends brain waves to a computer so you can play computer games with your own brain waves to calm the brain down. 

 

If you are in a crisis and you have someone to listen to you. It can be helpful to you in the short term. For the long-term, you need to go deeper. 

 

Our brain is a map of our world. If a brain was formed in a hostile environment or abusive household it expects to end up in more abusive situations. Coming to terms with the past while being grateful for the survival skills it offered can help us to wake up for the present and heal. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Mar 4, 2020

Are you one of those women that has ‘tried everything’...

Have you Googled and Youtubed and researched your way into the deepest recesses of... WTF am I doing wrong when it comes to MEN and dating and relationships?

And nothing works for you.

And now you’ve resigned yourself to the fact that LOVE isn’t in the cards for you... and you’re sort of cool with that because your life is great.

Right?

But deep down, there’s still a glimmer of hope. A wish. That somehow miracles do happen and you will magically, serendipitously, stumble into... the one

Good thing you’re here.

We’ve been working with women just like you since 2006, and we know exactly why nothing you’ve done has worked.

And more importantly, we know the one thing you can do that will instantly change your results... so that you can write your own epic love story, after all.

You see, every article, every blog post and every video ever created by well meaning coaches, to help women find love... is missing the one thing that actually creates results.

And even if you know the ‘secret strategy’... the one that helps smart women find a loving, committed relationship with their ideal quality man, (and we do)...

Nothing will work unless you also have, THIS.

What’s the Secret?

The secret is living in your integrity with who you really are.  Not the reactive you, or the you who was hurt or heart-broken or put a wall up to protect herself, but the loving you.  The one who knows she is lovable and worthy of love.  The one who knows she is connected to the universe.  The one who is so worth taking a stand for and what she believes in.  This is about being truly authentic and getting to be a full expression of who you are.  When you can live in integrity with and honor the values of that YOU, everything changes. 

The whole experience for you, and how men experience you, is going to be a night and  day difference. The quality men you want are finally going to see you and pursue you for a relationship.  The important people in your life are going to bring you more love.  The universe is going to bring you opportunities and synchronicities.

And, you’ll be able to make decisions in a way that is in alignment with who you want to be, and it’s so much easier.

You’ll just know that you are where you're supposed to be. You won’t be making that up from your brain and trying to rationalize your life. You’ll actually feel it, you’ll know it. And that is a powerful place to be. You’ll be able to choose with love. Then the decisions that you make, you’ll make with a clarity that it’s coming from your truth. You’ll have a compass and you'll never be lost again. And you’ll get to apply all of this naturally and in an organic way. To who? Everyone and everything you touch in the world because you're coming from your deepest being.

That’s what happens when you’re living in your integrity and it underlies everything we do as a company.

How We Found Our Truth and Leaned Into Our Integrity As a Company

When the coaching and self-help industry exploded, anyone could market themselves as an expert online, (and still can). It became the ‘virtual’ Wild West. This gave rise to some great, highly qualified coaches, and some not so qualified. The market became saturated with self-proclaimed experts that had produced zero results. Coaches raced to sell the most ‘information’ products. But none focused on results, on creating real transformation that changes lives. Especially in the dating and relationship niche.

We fell into the trap of offering information. Without focusing on our clients’ results. Ultimately, it was out of integrity with who we were as a company. That inspired us to become a high-touch coaching business. A company 100% committed to creating amazing outcomes for our clients. We stopped providing endless products and services and focused only on what we know creates real change. And that’s when everything changed for us as a business.

Today, after more than a decade in the industry, we have a proven system that gets tangible results. We change our clients’ lives.

According to a market study, 80 percent of the women who have been working with us for a year or more are in monogamous long term partnerships with high quality men.  In addition, 100% of our clients who have worked with us in our year long program experienced greater overall life and work satisfaction, based on analysis of 14 key areas of life including: intimacy and relationship, leadership ability, productivity, work/life balance and communication skills.

We help our clients find lasting love, and for every client we touch, it creates a ripple effect in their life. We bring more love into the world one person at a time through relationships – which is our mission as a company. 

Not only have we developed a core proprietary process that delivers, we are also committed to creating global social change to empower women and promote mental health annual through fundraising projects that have generated more than $500,000 in the last four years.  

And, we know that what truly makes us different in the crowded marketplace is that we thrive on integrity and CARE in all that we do,  providing compassion towards our clients, holding our clients and team accountable for measurable, specific results, providing research based transformation, and exclusivity, meaning that we only work with clients we know we can help. 

In a really crowded market place, it is no longer enough for us to simply acquire our audience's attention and sell them a product based on price.  We are committed to being the preeminent transformational company helping women to courageously create fulfilling intimate relationships and meaningful lives.

Join Us On Facebook and Instagram for More Support

We use an inside-out, personalized, whole-self approach to help you attract a quality man that sees you and loves you… so that you can create a fulfilling, intimate relationship. If it was just about learning a script or a tip to text someone back, you wouldn’t still be stuck. We look at the underlying thoughts, beliefs, emotions and patterns that are holding you back… so you can create an extraordinary, passionate, lasting love with your ideal, high-caliber man.

We invite you to join us in our Dating Den Private Facebook Community, for a deep dive on the important dating and relationship topics that are important to you. And to join our Dating Den community on instagram (our handle is @thedatingden). And, don’t forget to keep listening to our podcast (we’re at 1mm downloads!).  

Let us support you for your dating and relationship journey, so that you can create a deeply fulfilling and meaningful life. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

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