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The Dating Den

Each week on the podcast, I’ll be interviewing the world’s top experts in attraction, dating, communication, sex, and relationships, as well as coaching real women LIVE, through their real life dating challenges… that are probably a lot like yours!
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Now displaying: April, 2020
Apr 24, 2020

After a month of staying at home, singles may be getting anxious to get out there and date. And even though there is a light at the end of the tunnel, the best idea may be to use this time to build a deeper relationship with guys with potential. To discover how to navigate the unknown waters of dating in the time of quarantine, Marni welcomes Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu, hostesses of Dateable. A podcast Huffington Post reveals as one of 2020’s top ten podcasts about love and sex. Julie, Yue, and Marni take a deep dive into all the online dating and relationship issues you want to know about.  

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Virtual dating tips
  • Whether or not to  go on a first date during quarantine
  • How to go deeper during online conversations
  • Love is Blind experiment results
  • What to do if an ex starts texting again

 

Dating During COVID-19 [6:14]

 Based on a poll posted on the Dateable Facebook group Julie says that a majority of the women who answered would meet a guy they met online during quarantine depending on the situation. The second highest majority of women said they would definitely not meet a guy face to face until the quarantine is lifted. Why meet face-to-face when such good things are coming out of video dating? 

Video dating allows us to put the physical on hold and go deep if we let it, says Julie.  But the use is starting to fade in some groups because they don't know if they will ever get to meet the other person so it feels pointless to continue having virtual conversations. It’s important to remember that this is an opportunity to let something special build. 

 

If you are thinking about meeting a guy face-to-face during quarantine, consider how many first dates are actually a success. Use this time to go deeper online first. 

 

Marni recommends asking yourself ‘what’s the rush?’.  What else are you doing? If you put your health at risk would you regret it more than just waiting to meet someone? If there is a connection now the connection will be there in a month. 

 

Virtual Dating Tips [20:11]

Yae shares an example of how she customizes her dating experience on Zoom. She changes her virtual background to an exciting destination. She dresses like she is really visiting the exotic locale based on the weather forecast and asks her date to do the same. It’s a fun way to escape and charm your date. 

 

Julie says she has reconnected with an old beau and has experimented with virtual sex which has been beneficial to the relationship. She says a lot of people are throwing virtual sex parties right now. 

 

Video dating is a great way to have an adult conversation without fearing the sexual tension that goes along with physical closeness. 

 

Toxic people can also come back into your life because people get lonely during quarantine. If an ex starts texting again ask yourself these questions: 

  • What didn't work about the relationship the first time?
  • How did we get to this point?
  • How have I changed?
  • How have they changed?
  • Are our goals the same?
  • What are the expectations of these new conversations?
  • How am I feeling about it? 

 

Takeaways from the Blind Date Experiment [28:25]

Julie and Yae started a blind date experiment before quarantine. There is one guy and three women. The guy had to speak with all three women three nights in a row and Julie and Yae gave him some conversation prompts designed to initiate deeper conversations. There was no baseline information such as age, race, height, etc. They wanted to see what connections could be made without the physical aspect. 

 

The guy had to pick one woman to meet in person and it wasn’t who the ladies of Dateable didn’t think it would be. 

 

A lot of people make their decision about someone just after one date, but with this experiment, the participants knew they had a minimum of three dates so they invested more time in getting to know one another. 

 

Julie's takeaway from the Love is Blind experiment is that there is something nice about just having audio, no visual because it causes you to deeply listen to the other person and to be present with them. 

 

The problem with online dating though is that people think they have enough information to judge someone. Superficial presets on dating apps are all surface level. We don't know if the other person is funny, caring, honest, etc. It causes people to pay more attention to the physical but the Love is Blind experiment allows daters to get past all that. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

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Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dateable Podcast 

Listen To Marni On Dateable's Podcast

Apr 17, 2020

In our lifetime we have never before seen supermarket shelves empty. We may emotionally react to the perception of scarcity by hoarding food and binge eating. And, working from home so close to your refrigerator can be daunting. To discover how we can have a positive relationship with food during this pandemic Marni welcomes Registered Dietician/Nutritionist, Paige Smathers to the Den. Paige helps people heal their relationship with food and their body. She specializes in chronic dieting addiction recovery, eating disorders, and the family eating dynamic. Her approach to nutrition and health is grounded in mindfulness and is rooted in intuitive eating and health at every size. Paige is the owner of Positive Nutrition where she offers mentorship and coaching.  

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Overcoming the urge to hoard and binge eat
  • Giving yourself permission to take pleasure in eating
  • How to listen to your body and eat intuitively
  • Making the most out of the family sitting down to a meal
  • Why it’s not productive to micromanage your meals

A Sense of Scarcity [2:09]

What a shock it is to our system when we go to a grocery store only to find the shelves empty. We are not accustomed to not having enough food. We respond to these things by hoarding or buying in bulk. It has triggered a fear of scarcity in our entire society. 

And in our dieting culture, we make self-imposed cycles of trying to manipulate our bodies when it comes to food but during this pandemic, we are not in control of it. 

Paige reminds us that nothing about what is going on right now is normal. So, how do we shift? If we can make our eating as normalized as possible it will give us the best chance at nourishing our bodies so we stay healthy and function properly. She recommends staying within a normal diet as much as possible.

There is some room for enjoying food and tasting new things. We don't have to be ashamed to get pleasure or joy from food. 

It's time to stop that and accept that cooking can connect us to our culture and our families. We need that now more than ever. 

And, one of the biggest mistakes we make is to believe that it is wrong to enjoy food. We should enjoy preparing it, light a candle, play some music. Make it an enjoyable experience. 

 

The Intuitive Eating Framework  [9:34]

There is a lot to Intuitive Eating. It can be tricky to understand what it means. especially if you come from a diet mindset. It is nuanced but it is about deciding how you want to feel and how you want to function. 

 

Having a happy, healthy relationship with food is less about following rules; it's more about finding a way to approach food that works for you.  

There is freedom in waking up to the fact that your body is wise. You will get the carbs your body needs. Your body will get it whether you give it to it in consistent, balanced meals or through bingeing at night. There is real wisdom in liberalizing your rules about food. We just need to tune in. Paige warns against micromanaging eating. It is the micromanaging that leads to bingeing, overeating, or dysfunction. 

 

Tapping into your self-compassion is the key to intuitive eating. Ask yourself these questions to move forward with a peaceful relationship with your body and food:

  • What has been true about you as a soul? 
  • How would you feed someone you love and care about? And, why?

 

Asking yourself these questions makes it easy to separate the manipulative way you may approach food and help to ground yourself into a reasonable. intuitive, kind, gentle, balanced approach. It can strip away that negative, punitive thought process we often have about feeding ourselves.

 

Working with the Fridge in the Next Room  [23:08]

Many people are now working from home and they are not accustomed to having their food so close. A lot of women are concerned about their families, their work, and what will happen tomorrow so they find themselves emotionally eating. 

Paige says not to worry emotional eating is a normal human thing. Food is inherently emotional. It does bring joy, connection, and goodness into our lives. The more we try to deprive ourselves of that the more disconnected we will be to the things that really matter. 

 

She adds, “One big mistake people make is approaching emotional eating from a place of never doing it and if they do it they feel they must feel super guilty about it. All that ends up doing is perpetuating the cycle of 'I better get it all in because I will be better tomorrow. I will never do it again.’ That thinking is what pushes them toward bingeing every time.” 

It sounds counter-intuitive but the paradox here is that the more you give yourself permission to enjoy the yumminess of life the more reasonable you can be around those foods. 

Emotional eating can bring a moment of joy into your world so it's ok to sit down and have some of what you love.

Be gentle with yourself when you work from home. It's a different transition. Check-in with your self-compassion. Give yourself permission to have a bit of structure. Block off time in your day to eat meals. and eat satisfying, full, legitimate meals. Not just a quick handful of something. 

Having a routine and structure around eating is important for you to function optimally especially during the pandemic. 

Satisfaction and satiation are part of this philosophy. Paige recommends putting food on a plate and eating it.  It works from a physiological and psychological perspective. 

If you are sitting down to boring food that makes you want to barf it's not sustainable and you will pendulum swing into binging. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Positive Nutrition with Paige Smathers

Apr 10, 2020

What a crazy time to be dating! Unemployment is rising, the market is dropping, and the media is polarized. Despite all of this, now is the time to keep a clear head about your financial concerns and investments. To discuss strategies on how to reduce your fear and make decisions from a healthy, calm place Marni speaks with Bobby Mascia, the Founder, and CEO of Greenridge Wealth Planning, an Independent Financial Planning Firm that specializes in financial planning, investment management for businesses, and individuals throughout the US. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • How to acknowledge your feelings about finances
  • 3 ways to look at diversification
  • Tips for small business owners and entrepreneurs during the pandemic
  • Should you refinance your house now?
  • How to find financial support from someone you can trust

 

Changes in the Market & Economy During the Corona Pandemic [2:53]

 The Coronavirus has caused mass unemployment, closed businesses, and is causing anxiety as the worldwide health crisis continues to spread. Financial markets are reacting to the numbers but some people aren’t concerning themselves with the recession they are focusing on the good deals they can now invest in. Bobby says that times like these are why we devise a holistic plan and a financial strategy to make you whole from now through retirement. 

 

Ask yourself: 

  1. How long do I think the Coronavirus will last?
  2. How long do I think the current recession will last?
  3. What is my time frame? Or, when do I want my money?

 

Based on his sources, Bobby thinks it could be 6-weeks to 6-months before we see real progress on a vaccination. And, for the markets to start shifting. He recommends having 6-months of cash assets set aside for emergencies like the current pandemic. 

 

Questions to Vet a Financial Advisor  [9:52]

 Bobby says when looking for any advisor there are two important characteristics they should embody: 

  1. They need to be transparent. 
  2. You need access to communication with them.  

 

The right financial advisor is a fiduciary advisor. This means that the advisor must have your best interest in mind. A word of warning is that commission-based advisors may have a conflict of interest. Make sure your advisor is transparent about their processes.

 

Bobby, Greenridge Group uses a well-planned Life Map system to ensure clients get what they want from their financial future. 

Consider what your resources are and what your advisor can do to help you attain your life goals. 

 

Your Financial Advisor should lay out a life-long investment plan for you and always have your best interest in mind. 

 

What if Financial Inequality or Income Disparity Exists in a Relationship?  [22:18]

Money is one of the largest causes of arguments in relationships. If a relationship is not financially secure the stress will be felt in other areas of your life. Bobby says it is important to discuss how money was handled in your partner’s childhood home. Marni says it is important to understand your partner’s financial philosophy by the third or fourth date. 

 

You have to decide if money is a determining factor in whether or not you can be happy with the other person? There are things you can put in place to mitigate problems but it comes down to how much the person with the debt or bad spending habits is willing to change. 

 

Shared accounts can cause issues. Each person should have their own bank account.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Greenridge Wealth Planning

Advisors in Jeans Vlog

Contact Bobby

Apr 3, 2020

The concept of social distancing doesn’t seem to bode well for creating romance and connection. But, during this time we have a unique opportunity to enrich our lives and the lives of others. To discuss different strategies of how we can grow in heart, mind, and spirit, Marni welcomes Dating with Dignity’s Master Coach and Guru of the 5-Keys program, Sherrie Toews and our Director of Training and Master Coach Tessa Alburn into the Den. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • 3 strategies to create intimacy and connection
  • How to decrease fear and anxiety
  • Creative ideas for virtual dates
  • The importance of turning inward during social distancing
  • How to be generous with yourself 

 

Inner Resources Help You Move Away from Fear and Anxiety [4:38]

 Tess Alburn says the number one thing we ladies can do to keep ourselves positive during this unintended slow time is to be present. Focus on what is happening at the moment. No what if's, or thoughts about what was. We are alive and today is beautiful! 

 

There are several ways to stay present: 

  • Meditation
  • Breathwork
  • Grounding
  • Being in nature

 

Sheri adds that it is important to stay focused on self-appreciation and what feels good in our bodies. Be curious and creative if your usual routine is not enough. Take baby steps but try new things while keeping structure in your life. 

 

Be careful not to make up stories about what you think you can't have or can't do. Routines will support you. You haven't lost control and you still have choices. 

 

Don't fall down the rabbit hole of disempowerment and into a victim mentality. Give yourself a smile.

 

Creating Relationships During Social Distancing [13:35]

Marni reminds us to be intentional about creating intimacy and connection during social distancing. There are ways to create new or enrich current relationships, even our relationship to self. 

 

Practice these three suggestions: 

  1. Tend current relationships or focus on the relationships we want to create.
  2. Turn inward. 
  3. Be generous with yourself and with others.

 

Virtual dates will likely become part of the new normal, at least for now. It’s easy to make the most of it while having fun and creating deep connections. In the last podcast episode, Mike Goldstein told us the process of asking for a virtual date. Now it’s time to get creative. 

 

Give yourself permission to be playful and risk it. Let yourself be sweet to someone.   

 

Social distancing offers a unique opportunity to turn inward and deal with your internal stuff. Anytime you feel challenged by the stillness, practice some emotional self-care. Start by acknowledging your feelings. Be honest about your fears and anxieties and give yourself permission to let them go. 

 

Be generous during this time and generate some love. 

 

Ask yourself ‘why does what I am feeling make sense?’ If you are critical or self-sabotaging yourself now, practice being an observer and stop judging yourself. Your inner critic may yell at you but if you stay in non-judgment you can calmly choose the next step. 

 

Talk to your body parts to understand how you may be holding on to stress from unexpressed feelings. 

 

Generosity towards oneself isn't selfish. It helps us learn to receive and to create a loving relationship. Choose something daily to be generous to yourself with. It could be 15-min or an hour. Consider who you want to become? Ask yourself what your high ideals are. What do I care about? 

 

Being generous to others in this time of need can lift your spirits and the spirits of another person. A good example of things you can do is to color your own hair but send a check to your hairdresser. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dating Den Podcasts #83, #104, and #155 with Sherrie Toews and Tessa Album

36 Questions To Ask In Virtual Dating with Mike G

Apr 1, 2020

The coronavirus pandemic has changed the way we live, work, and date but we all still crave connection and relationship. Our approach to dating apps and, dating in general, requires a gentle shift to accommodate the isolative guidelines. To inform us of how we can still find a high-quality man online and build more connection through a process of virtual dates Marni welcomes the #1 online dating expert in America, Mike Goldstein to the Den. Mike is a private dating coach, public speaker, and author. His work has been featured on the Today show and in Reader’s Digest. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • Should you change your online profile to accommodate quarantine?
  • The step-by-step process of how to have a fun virtual date
  • How to create connection during the pandemic
  • How to use your time wisely by collecting data
  • How to find love in the time of corona

 

Dating During Distancing [2:32]

Mike and Marni both recommend staying away from the doom and gloom. You can keep yourself informed without drowning in the negative aspects of what is happening. You can let your circumstances dictate your vision or you can let your vision guide you during this time. 

 

Marni thinks that for women this is an especially awesome time to do virtual dating. Mike says it's a great opportunity to use virtual dating to focus on connection. When dating or meeting someone new, women often want connection before sex. The pandemic and quarantine are forcing us to go through the dating process. It gives us the time to find out if you are compatible with the other person. 

 

Make an effort to really get to know each other on your virtual dates.

 

Mike shares an example of how the corona pandemic is giving one of his clients the time she always wanted. Use your time wisely and ask yourself what your future self wants? 

 

During the coronavirus pandemic, single men and women are craving connection because we are not getting it.  



What has Changed with Virtual Dating During Corona? [10:21]

 It is still recommended to follow Mike’s 50/12/1 strategy on Match.com, OK Cupid,  or eHarmony. Send 50 messages to guys you are interested in, 12 will say yes, and then narrow it down to one. The new ‘pandemic’ process includes asking for a 15-minute Facetime/Zoom/Skype, etc. call. Even if the call is going great, get off the call at the 15-minute mark, Mike says. Setting a boundary will give you a sense of control. 

 

The ‘pandemic’ dating process includes some tweaks: 

 

  1. Change your intro message. A good example is... "Would you like to hop on a virtual call to get to know each other?" If you felt a connection ask for a second virtual connection.

 

  1. Your second virtual date should be limited to 1-hour or 90 minutes to get to know each other. Focus on having fun. Ladies, don’t hold back. If you think of a creative idea for a virtual date let him know. Be fun and playful but set a time boundary. It builds anticipation and leaves him wanting more. 

 

  1.  If you believe the person has potential during the third virtual date get a copy of the 36 questions to fall in love. Mike recommends the questionnaire and says it's a great tool that really works. It makes for a fun, playful date. 

 

Just because you are not going ‘out’ on a date, put your best foot forward. Men are visual. Dress the way that makes you feel the best! 

 

Making the Most of Virtual Dating [32:57]

Data collecting is an important aspect of dating so why not use the time of extended virtual interactions to collect as much data as possible. Studies show that one of the top four things in terms of people getting together is proximity. So, be strategic and centralize your search radius to find a man closer to you.  Mike points out that dating is already hard and it gets harder when people live far away.

 

Use your time wisely, try to avoid talking about the pandemic. Be different and change the topic if it comes up to something fun. 

 

Remember, we are all going through this pandemic together for the first time. Get creative with your connection options. Suggest fun dating ideas you both can share virtually. 

 

  • Netflix offers a new service where you can watch a movie together with someone and includes a chat feature so you can discuss the film or show. 

 

  • Write down your top 3 goals. If finding connection and a relationship is one of them, it’s OK to be aggressive about it. Everyone is craving connection right now. 



Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

36 Questions to Fall In Love

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