Marni welcomes Kiné Corder back into the Den to talk about navigating your way through an existential midlife crisis. Kiné is a bestselling author, international keynote speaker, national certified counselor, and a clinical hypnotherapist specializing in financial therapy and stress management. As the CEO of Presidential Lifestyle Inc., a wellness company focused on wealth in all of its forms, Kiné helps high achievers navigate through the existential midlife crisis. During this conversation she shares a step-by-step process to living your prosperity.
Key takeaways from this episode:
With the advent of transitioning roles for women from home to the workplace, we are starting to experience a midlife crisis just as men always have. Women sacrifice some things we want for ourselves in our early career and sometime during our midlife the dreams we may have put on the backburner ask to be revisited.
Once we become aware that we may have lost some freedoms in lieu of responsibility it is time to take the steps to get to where we want to be and to find harmony.
This is the formula for navigating your way through midlife with purpose.
Trial and error your way to purpose. We need to figure out what we want or don’t want by testing the waters.
To find personal harmony you can read books, or delve into all the free information available online but if you really want to be prosperous in an efficient and quality way you have to hire a guide. Someone who knows the ropes and has gained experience from all the people she has helped to attain harmony.
Ladies, there is nothing wrong about taking the long way through this process. A guide simply helps you make the most of the time you have available.
Finding common ground with someone whose idea of prosperity slightly overlaps with yours is important. Or, if there is no common ground both partners should consent to compromise and blending their two ideas of prosperity.
If the similarities are hidden at first, Kiné says partners should talk through it without making anyone wrong. There is no right or wrong when it comes to visions of prosperity. Follow the process of one partner talking about their ideas all the way through without interruption from the listener. Then, in a day or a week, the other person discusses their ideas about prosperity. Both partners should be curious, open, and optimistic.
Kiné recommends asking yourself how you want to show up in the world. If you get clear about this every footstep with this in mind is a step forward.
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Marni welcomes Master Coach for the Hoffman Institute and Licenced Marriage and Family Counselor, Ed McClune into the Den. Ed is also the relationship therapist for Dating with Dignity’s one-year program. During this episode, he shares information about the physical effects of grief and how to keep a relationship healthy.
Key takeaways from this episode:
When something we invest our heart in doesn't work out it hurts us emotionally and physiologically. For many of us, we marinate in pain for a long time. When we become impatient with the grieving process and don’t give ourselves the time we need to heal we add to the hurt. We spend a lot of time in the 'no one will ever love me again' story.
Ed says that it is easy and natural to make up a narrative about sadness. We create a ‘woe is me’ story, or we believe something is wrong with us. We wastefully spend a lot of time in the 'no one will ever love me again' story.
But, when we change our internal narrative we can move through the pain and gain a healthy lesson from past relationships. It’s a good idea to give grief time even schedule it. Why allow pain to bleed into your entire day? It’s healthy to allow sadness to flow through you but at a scheduled time so the body can heal itself.
Learning from our mistakes is what helps us to become a better offer to the next potential lover.
Ed uses the analogy of the Good Queen to describe what doesn’t work in relationships. To be a good partner, we can’t just sit back in our thrones and let things come to us. We need to play an active role and train a man to be what we need him to be. He says that women often think that if a man loves them he will do ‘X’ but the guy probably needs to be trained to do it first. In general, a man just doesn't know.
We come into relationships with different needs and skill levels. None of us are wrong or defective. There is so much pressure on a man to know what to do and how to take care of his partner. Men don't have any relationship education and there is no formula
How responsible are women to train their guy?
Marni asks Ed how a woman can take a leadership role without being masculine, bossy, or over-functioning.
Ed says women should own their dignity, beauty, and soulfulness and help their partners love them. Maturity in a relationship is key.
The right guy, the quality guy wants to know how to make you happy, not just in the bedroom but in the relationship.
For the sake of maintaining your own dignity, if there is chemistry in a relationship but a guy is unwilling to step up and take responsibility for how a relationship is evolving women need to pull their hand away from the cookie jar and say chemistry is not enough. When you tire of surrendering your dignity to a recurring breakdown you have to say enough is enough.
Both people go in blind when starting to date. Trust and commitment must be built as we incrementally let the other person in. Partners have different talents and different skill levels. We date people to bring more into our lives. Every time we fall in love it happens with a ton of variables and as learners, we are going to get some things wrong.
A healthy relationship is one in which each partner is committed to their individual growth and the growth of the relationship.
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Marni welcomes a fellow Podcast Host and Man Panelist, Michael O’Neal into the Dating Den. Mike is a single man who in addition to his entrepreneur podcast also hosts his YouTube channel, Rennch where he shares tips for restoring vintage Porsches. During this episode, he shares some Q&A from the most recent Man Panel discussion, a real-life example of when a woman ghosted him, and how some men just want a pizza girlfriend.
Key takeaways from this episode:
For a woman who makes critical decisions all day at work turning down her masculine energy can be trying especially when dating. Mike observes that it must be hard for women to switch between the two energies. “When you become a successful, badass woman you get in your masculine and it's hard to get back into the feminine. If you are in 65% masculine energy then a guy can only be in 35% of his masculine. You may end up with a guy you are not attracted to.” Mike says.
The masculine energy can also bleed into a woman’s online dating profile. Mike says that when a woman’s profile starts with the woman saying ‘just swipe past me if you ____ ‘ turns him off. He says it’s proof that the woman is somehow damaged. He automatically swipes to the next person.
When it comes to sex, Mike says that women should not feel weird about giving a man directions. If something is working or not working that is something men want to know. Men are normally more than willing to do whatever it takes, even if it hurts, to make sure a woman is satisfied.
But, it is hard to teach passion and sensuality. Kissing is the hardest physical, sexual act to address with someone else. If a guy is a bad kisser and there is nothing else that really hooks you then say goodbye. But, if you think there might be a deeper connection, try giving him a helpful hint or try moving your head into a different position.
We, men, are like your favorite labrador retriever. We’ll do whatever you tell us to.
Times have changed, Mike says men are looking for someone to show if they are interested. After the first date, if a guy is into you he will be sending you a message. And, if he asks you for a second date he has probably already considered if you could be his forever girl.
Mike shares a story of how he pursued a girl he met. He liked the girl but she kept putting him off. She responded to him several times but always with confusing messages. Then she just ghosted him.
Marni believes that if you are getting ghosted you should consider it a blessing because now you know what type of person you would have been dating. You are more than likely dating the wrong type of people.
If you are not interested in a person don’t ghost them. Just tell them. It doesn’t have to be awkward.
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Marni welcomes speaker, author, self-described change junkie, Monica Berg into the Dating Den. Monica is the Chief Communications Officer of the Kabbalah Center. Her books, Fear is Not an Option and Rethink Love are guidebooks for those who desire transformation in their relationships and life. During this episode, she shares how knowing what we want for ourselves can help us to have better relationships and to make deeper connections with those we love.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Relationships are meant to grow and get better every year and it's all about perspective, says Monica. Even during quarantine, when we may be with our partners for 24-hours a day, she believes this is a great opportunity for us to look at the state of our lives and how we are living. Before the pandemic we all had the luxury of escape by going shopping or out for drinks with a friend. Now, we should take stock of the things we love about our lives.
In her book, Rethink Love, Monica notes that relationships are not stable. There are supposed to be ups and downs, she says. Fighting is important in a relationship because it shows that you care and are passionate about it.
Where people get stuck is that they have different fighting styles. If they are different they need to find one that works for both of them.
We need to have a healthy respect for change because change is the only constant. In relationships there are two distinct personalities involved. This can add fun, opportunities, and excitement. But this also means there are a lot of differences. Take fighting styles for example. What kind of fighting style was each person exposed to when they were a child? How has that influenced their fighting style?
Each person should look at what they want in their life. What is currently working and what is not? Monica recommends getting clear about what it is that you really want for yourself. Then create a To-Be list and a To-Do list.
When fighting goes wrong you add a lot of hurt into a relationship.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage your emotions and those of the people around you. Many of us don’t realize how our emotions affect other people. But, when you value someone and love them at their core you will find ways to have compassion and be generous.
If you are stuck in a relationship, go back to friendship. Forget about it being romantic and what your traditional roles are. Think about how you treat a friend and are you treating your partner in the same manner.
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Beth is a divorced, single mother who almost moved her family and business because she was convinced she would never meet a high-quality man she could connect with in her community. She has listened to the Dating Den podcast for years and when Marni offered to rewire her brain she decided to invest in herself and signed up for the program. During this episode, she tells Marni about her limiting beliefs and how the team helped her to overcome them. She is now dating someone she really connects with.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Beth had been doing self-development work for some time but admits she was having difficulty changing her core thoughts and beliefs about what she deserved. She is a single mother who consistently took care of others before herself. She wanted to find a partner but didn’t think she would ever meet anyone she could connect with in her area.
She decided she needed outside help to rewire her brain and contacted the team at Dating with Dignity. Working with Marni and Sherrie made her feel heard and enabled her to identify her limiting beliefs and blocks. She committed to the 10-week program and gave it her all.
“I feel liberated because I now have the tools to calmly move through things that trigger me.”
Beth encountered her first opportunity to use her new relationship tools when a guy she met on a dating app removed a ‘tag’ of them together on Facebook. Beth admits that in the past she probably would have pulled away from the situation because she didn’t understand the move and didn’t want to appear needy. But since she was armed with healthy boundaries she approached the issue from a calm, vulnerable place.
“The program helped me realize that I am lovable and I am enough.”
Beth reveals that the program 100% worked for her. It will change your brain in a way that you will never go back to the way you used to operate. She says she learned that her wants and needs are valid. And, that she is now attracting the life she wants because she is being more of who she wants to be and she loves being liberated.
Even her friends have commented about the calm, peaceful place she is in now that she feels safe and doesn’t worry about being rejected.
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