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The Dating Den

Each week on the podcast, I’ll be interviewing the world’s top experts in attraction, dating, communication, sex, and relationships, as well as coaching real women LIVE, through their real life dating challenges… that are probably a lot like yours!
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Now displaying: July, 2020
Jul 31, 2020

Marni welcomes an experienced therapist and gender equality victim’s rights advocate Kelley Anne Bonner into the Den to talk about how burnout affects your body, dating, and work. Kelley is an expert in burnout and created Burn Bright, a company dedicated to helping creative, big-hearted ‘helping’ professionals battle burnout. She helps the people who take care of the world to take care of themselves. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • The signs of being burnt out
  • Being true to your authentic self
  • How to avoid burnout in dating
  • What happens after burnout
  • How to have compassion for your big-hearted self 

 

ABC’s of Burnout Prevention [2:55]

Kelley hit bottom when she was in her 20s and working in the largest maximum-security prison in New York state.  She kept smiling for the people she served but would find in herself figuratively in a puddle on the floor, drained of her joy. She quit her job before she had another lined up. 

Kelley says many people have burnout but don’t even realize they have it. 

Burnout is a state of emotional and physical exhaustion. The person experiencing burnout has no joy and feels hopeless.  

The cost of frantically running around is that you lose yourself and once you’ve lost yourself it’s a countdown to imploding. 

When you are in burnout your body and your nervous system are in dysregulation. Mindfulness and meditation can help. The first step to move passed burnout is to regulate your nervous system. The second step is to shift your mindset. Get your body in a relaxed state so your body can receive information. 

When your mindset is tapped into your authentic self, you are going to automatically get all the things in life that you want.  

 

Have Dating Burnout?  [21:49]

Are you pushing yourself to be engaging with toxic people or people who don't match the criteria you want? When people get burnout in dating they are not being true to themselves. There is a difference in discernment and being picky. 

Kelley encourages us to be clear about what we want, in dating and date people who are authentic. Because when we date a guy a second time who wasn't a good fit on the first date it can cause burnout. The joy/authenticity piece is missing. 

When you are true to yourself joy naturally comes from it. The minute you stray away from authenticity you are heading toward burnout. 

 

How-to Stave Off Burnout While Dating [26:16]

There is nothing beneficial about beating yourself up, especially when a date or series of dates doesn’t work out. It causes you to stay paralyzed at best or go backward. Have compassion for yourself because of course, you want to give someone a second chance, of course, you want to find love, you are a big-hearted person. 

 

Tips for eliminating dating burnout:

  • Be in your best mental state and highest vibration when dating. 
  • Make sure you have boundaries. Don't hang with people who drain your energy and dim your light. 
  • Be clear and honest about where you are and if you are ready to date.

 

We are all good people just trying to figure it all out. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Burn Bright Website

Jul 24, 2020

Marni welcomes longtime listener Anita into the Den to talk about how to update her online profile to get more high-quality dates. Anita has been single for 5-and-a-half years and is positive she is ready to meet her soul mate. Yet, Marni intuits a block that could be keeping her from attracting the right type of guy. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • How-to rewrite an online dating profile to get quality dates
  • Why a telling-type profile does not work
  • Why it is important to acknowledge possible emotional blocks
  • What personal development work can and can not do 

 

Looking for Love [1:56]

Anita has been studying love, dating, and relationships for over 4-years. She is excited and ready to find her soulmate then get engaged. She believes she can manifest the right man for her, but she fears being ghosted again. 

She tells Marni that over a year ago, she was going out on 2-3 dates a week. But, she has a history of being ghosted by men she met online and agreed to meet in person. She is looking to Marni for guidance on how to finally find her quality guy. 

 

Tips for Writing Your Online Dating Profile  [10:08]

 Marni dissects Anita’s current online dating profile that a previous dating coach helped her to write. Marni points out that while it has a decent structure it may make men wonder if they are good enough. If they question themselves they may not reach out. The profile is more of a push-away, not a draw-me-in type of profile. 

Always choose quality over quantity when it comes to dating.

Anita says she wants her profile to reflect that she is looking for someone who has integrity and follows through. Marni reminds her that her profile has to reflect her values and her brand. The message she sends needs to be solid.

 

Positivity Doesn’t Trump Feelings [26:56]

Anita seems to cover up her disappointment with positivity instead of feeling her feelings. She wants to focus on the good. Marni recognizes a nugget of emotional unavailability. 

Anita needs to acknowledge her disappointment, fear, and frustration. She shares a story from her past where she felt abandoned by a family member. It created an emotional suit of armor and explains why she is stuck right now. 

 

Anita’s homework is: 

  • To rewrite her online profile based on Marni’s tips 
  • Update her photos to new professional photos
  • Giver her inner teenager some love and acknowledgment
  • Assess what she wants to manifest and adjust- 



Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Episode #25 with Mike Goldstein — Find a Boyfriend in Less Than 7 Dates

Episode #53 — How to Do an Overhaul of Your Online Dating Profile

Jul 17, 2020

Marni welcomes Lisa Erickson into the Den to talk about chakras, our body’s energy centers, and how our energetic body relates to our emotional, mental, and physical body. Lisa is an Energy Worker who specializes in women’s energetics and sexual trauma healing. She is the author of Chakra Empowerment for Women and she helps women balance and maximize their energy during key parts of their lives. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Shifting into your feminine energy before a date
  • Releasing old trauma
  • How to stop leaking precious energy
  • The differences between men and women’s energy bodies

 

What is an Energetic Body? [2:28]

 We all have an energy body. If you have ever felt ‘bad vibes’ or heebie-jeebies from someone, you are intuitively using your energy body. There are ways to shift our mental and emotional states including the vibrations we send out to the world. Shifting our energy can shift who we attract into our lives and how we feel. 

There are healing modalities that are connected to the energetic body that are related to energy medicine traditions all around the world. Reiki and acupuncture, for example, are becoming widely adopted. Humans have an energy anatomy that can be mapped. Our chakras are energy centers that relate to different physical body parts and to unique emotions and psychological states. 

We intuitively feel the chakras but don't always know it. When you are broken hearted it is in the heart chakra.

 

Marni asks Lisa about the 10% energy leakage many women experience. Lisa says we have different levels of our psyche and each level has a certain vibration. If we have unresolved feelings of anxiety or unworthiness, desperation, or people-pleasing, that will come through in our presentation to others. People will feel it the way we can feel the vibes of others. 

 

Men’s and Women’s Energy Bodies Are Different [12:41]

 Lisa says men tend to be anchored in the root chakra. This energy center is linked to the physical body. If men have baggage, they have a tendency to become emotionally rigid and unempathetic. In its best expression, the root chakra is grounded, stable, and protective. Men, in general, need to work on fluidity and empathy.

Women, however, are anchored in their second chakra which is fluid and linked to water and emotions. Women are also more empathic. We have a tendency to adopt other people’s emotions as our own without realizing it. On the energetic level, it means women need to work on boundaries and grounding.

The second chakra is also related to a woman’s reproductive cycle. Peri-Menopause is considered a spiritual transit in cultures that deal with energy consciously. Women receive bursts of energy to deal with things from our past at a time when our intuitive gifts are flowering. Boundaries become more important. It's time to push away other people’s energy in favor of your own. 

In holistic medicine, the mind and body are not separate. Your energy body is the glue that holds them together. 

 

How to Work With Energy [21:31]

Each of the chakras has different colors and visuals related to them. Lisa says we can work with energy centers through memories or affirmations. Try to simply state what you want to feel and focus on the related chakra and the part of the body. 

If you are going to start dating and it feels uncomfortable for you to get into your feminine or to be sensual. Or, you have a hard time flirting or you don't feel safe being sexual. Shift your energy in your second chakra. 

It's about connecting to your feminine energy in a positive way. In dating, visualize an avatar and focus on which chakras you want to bring forth. Visualize yourself putting your energetic parts into the foreground. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Lisa Erickson Website

Chakra Empowerment for Women by Lisa Erickson

Jul 10, 2020

Marni welcomes Lori Dennis into the Den to talk about finding balance in four quadrants of your life. Lori runs a top LA interior design firm, and she is an HGTV celebrity. Lori decided to write Quadrant Life: Balancing Relationships, Finances, Wellness, and Your Spiritual Life as a result of the constant questions others asked her about how she always seemed to have it all. She is a TED speaker and has been featured in the Wall Street Journal and on Bravo and Oxygen.

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Making happiness a choice
  • How to find balance in your life
  • Strategies for cleaning up your messes
  • Figure out what happiness means for you

 

Living the Quadrant Life [3:56]

 One of the biggest misconceptions/excuses women believe is that they can't have it all. Lori says this is ridiculous. Women can have it all. They only need to get everything into balance. She says happiness comes when you wake up every single day and no matter what happens you know you can handle it. 

 

But, if happiness is a choice, why do many of us try to make things more challenging? Lori recommends asking yourself what happiness looks like for you. It's all about your perceptions and your experiences. Being happy is one of the best decisions you can make for yourself. 

Find balance in these four quadrants:

  • Relationships
  • Finances
  • Wellness
  • Spiritual 

Once you stop being afraid, you have the ability to clean up your messes. 

 

Tips for Finding Balance in the Quadrants [19:17]

 To attain proper balance in the four quadrants, Lori says, it's like cleaning your house. Her personal approach is to attack the thing that is scary or hard first. Once she accomplishes what she believes to be the hardest thing it gives her confidence to tackle the less stressful items in her life.

 

Marni shares an example of how she took a deep dive to uplevel her spiritual practice and it up-leveled everything else in her life. 

 

Lori says, focusing in one area is a good approach because if you just change one thing that isn't working for you it will change every other part of your life. Small positive changes automatically affect every other quadrant. 

 

Tips for Up-leveling each Quadrant: 

  • Relationships — Learn how to say no. 
  • Finance — Consider purchases for 2 days before taking action.
  • Wellness — Get up and move.  
  • Spirituality — Pay it forward once a week.

 

Changing Your Environment [31:45]

 

Instead of wishing you had different things in life, it is up to you to make your life exactly the way that you want it. You can have it all. Having freedom in your environment will affect you in a good way. Remove excess material stuff you don’t need and be thoughtful about your environment. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Lori Dennis Website

Quadrant Life: Balancing Relationships, Finances, Wellness, and Your Spiritual Life by Lori Dennis

Jul 3, 2020

Marni welcomes Ryan Haddon into the Den to discuss the role your subconscious plays in dating. Ryan is a certified Life Coach and Spiritual Mentor, a licensed Hypnotherapist, a certified Meditation Teacher, and a public speaker who facilitates retreats and promotes work-life balance. She is here to share her expertise and life-changing approach to spiritual mentoring during the major transition we are all experiencing. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Make changes in your subconscious mind
  • Breaking negative patterns
  • Finding emotional safety
  • Cultivating stillness
  • Calming techniques

 

How your Subconscious Hijacks Your Brain and Your Life [3:02]

 The subconscious mind runs 95% of your life. It stores every memory, every emotion, and the imagination in your brain. Its primary function is to keep us comfortable but it also houses phobias and fears. Unfortunately, we become slaves to it. It should be the opposite. It should be there to serve us. 

When it hijacks our conscious mind it is counterproductive. We habitually tend to keep doing the same things over and over. While it is trying to protect us from past experiences and future mistakes, it stays stuck in familiar patterns that in the past brought us comfort. 

The best time to transform your subconscious thoughts is while falling asleep and waking up. 

 

Tips for Getting Out of a Funk [13:13]

 Ryan says if you want to break a cycle and get yourself out of a funk, try to pinpoint your feelings and reframe your story. Move into acceptance. If you find yourself at the end of a bad date have a go-to positive phrase or affirmation, such as "My guy is finding his way to me". It will help you shift.

Feelings are not facts. If you find yourself in a moment when you are feeling hopeless or in a funk, it's about being mindful of the present moment. Learn self-hypnosis techniques. Take a meditative walk in nature. Anything to get yourself into emotionally safe territory. 

Life consistently challenges us. Cultivate and curate stillness so you are prepared for the next round. 

 

Anxiety is Creeping In What Do I Do? [23:46]

What can you do to heal past issues that may still be held in your subconscious? Ryan recommends self-care practices such as a bath or a massage. She says you can also soothe yourself by giving yourself a hug or tapping. Say "I've got you. I'm not going to abandon you." while you rock back and forth to clear negative energy that may be stuck in the body.  

Other physical movements that will soothe a habitual pattern forged by the subconscious are 3 deep abdomen breaths with your feet flat on the floor, writing something down on paper to release it from your body. As soon as you notice a pattern, leverage a new dynamic, and keep trying until you find what is best for you. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Ryan Haddon 

'How to Get Yourself Out of a Funk' by Ryan Haddon

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