Marni speaks with Certified Financial Planner Sean Fitts about how he works with smart, professional women to create financial freedom and independence so they can get everything they want from life. If you are single, divorced, or widowed, Sean offers important money tips and insights you need to know about.
Key takeaways from this episode:
First and foremost, no matter what their relationship status is women need to understand money basics, says Sean. It is OK to delegate more in-depth monetary transactions but knowing the basics will keep a bank account from being overdrawn and, more importantly, provide financial security.
Don't be afraid to say "I don't know what that means” when talking to a trusted advisor about financial planning.
The golden rule of financial security is to have a minimum of three months of what you spend, in cash and available to you in the event of an unintended major life event. Sean says, if you are single, protect your income with disability or job loss insurance.
Divorces and Deaths [21:04]
Sometimes life throws us relationship curveballs. And, finances can change drastically as relationships change. Sean advises women to not make any major financial decisions or changes soon after a life shift. The goal is creating financial stability to help sort through the noise of the well-meaning people in our lives. Find your own voice and refrain from making emotionally-based money decisions.
Money is important to talk about while dating. Sean says unless you want to raise a child, a man should be able to pay his own way. If you value financial security, it is important to ask money questions early because financial decisions affect every long-term relationship.
Many men believe they will work until they die. Financial planning is about more than having an income.
The right guy is willing to have money conversations because they want the same things from a relationship.
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Today, Marni speaks with a former victim of heartbreak and grief. Michael Golowyn was plagued with rejection, abandonment, and failed relationships for 20-years until he learned to transform his heartbreak into inspiration. Author of the bestselling book, Transforming Your Life V2, Michael discovered a unique solution to overcome heartache and draw in the right person.
Key takeaways from this episode:
After a devastating break-up in 2016, Michael realized he had an opportunity to work on himself. He found time to work on a process that works for heartbreak, but it also helps singles manifest their ideal partner. His process is adapted from John DiMartini’s groundbreaking work.
Michael says when we are highly emotional, we are operating from the amygdala, and when we experience a break-up, we go through withdrawal. Exactly like withdrawals from an addiction. We become addicted to certain qualities of a partner. When we break-up, we must grieve and break our addiction.
Our subconscious only sees half the data when we are emotional.
To recover, we need a substitute to latch on to. Michael says it relates to the Conservation of Energy principle, one of the most fundamental laws in physics.
One by one we must replace the addiction to our ex's attributes. It helps bring down the grief. Our survival instincts are to move away from pain and toward pleasure. We need to stop and use our intuition instead of instincts.
If the relationship you are grieving is based on sex, comfort, or safety Michael’s process works the same for every type. He says to make a list of everything you miss about your ex and consider who else in your life can replace those feelings.
Ask yourself high-quality questions to remember when your ex exhibited an attribute you were infatuated with and identify how it was a disadvantage to your life and how it harmed your life. Eventually, you recognize how bad your ex was for you.
Life has a way of evolving itself around what our values are.
Singles may be perpetually single because there is a subconscious pain associated with being in relationships they are not acknowledging.
They may have unconscious motives to stay single and unresolved baggage.
Michael says our past partners reflect everything, even issues we have with our parents. They are in our life for a time to help us wake up. It's feedback. We have all the answers we just need to know how to work it.
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In this exclusive episode of the Dating Den, Marni speaks with the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation, Connell Barrett. He teaches men to unlock their most confident and authentic selves so they can connect with wonderful women without being creepy. As a current dater, Connell is all about dating with integrity. He says he can fix any dating problem because he has been through them all!
Key takeaways from this episode:
Believe it or not, men have difficulty dating too. They may put on a brave face but lack the confidence to make the first move. Connell coaching clients say the two biggest problems they face are:
Connell says men feel like they have to be witty and funny all the time. They need to know that it is ok to lower the bar and be curious about their date. They don't have to be on all the time. It relaxes guys to know that women don’t expect a show.
Marni asks, what makes a guy feel comfortable on a date so he doesn't feel judged? Or, what if someone shows up on a date and it's not going well... What can a woman do to save it for him?
A man has to realize his value, no matter how the date goes, Connell says. And, he advised women to ask their date to drop the act and show them who he really is because the guy is acting that way because it comes from an insecure place. He is afraid to be vulnerable.
Connell shares a personal example of how a woman helped him to date better. He used to overcompensate. He was arrogant and acting cool, when she asked “why can’t you just be yourself?” It changed his dating life forever.
You can't force chemistry which is what makes it magical.
One of the worst things a guy can do is make a woman think he is interested and then just stop returning texts and never calling again. So, Marni asks the burning question we all want to know the answer to, Why Do Men Ghost?
Connell says it is basically because they are afraid to say something the other person needs to hear. Guys do it because they are trying to protect themselves from the pain or discomfort of telling a woman they have lost interest and no longer want to date them.
If you ghost someone they could interpret it as not being worthy so, do the right thing and be direct and open.
How to Move Past the Endless Texts [26:13]
When a guy sends several texts a day, it is a sign he is interested, but what if his texts are boring and mundane? Or, worse, he never gets to the asking you out on a date part. Connell advises women to take the lead in the conversation. Start a conversation that is more enjoyable for you. Start flirting and see if he follows.
If he doesn’t respond to flirting like you thought he would remember that many men are clueless. Everyone is afraid of rejection, men included. Anything a woman can do to let a guy know that if he asks her out her answer will be yes, the better.
Be flirty and playful when texting with men. What have you got to lose?
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This week’s guest originally appeared on episode three of the Dating Den podcast. Now, she is the VP of Client Success. Christine Kriner rejoins Marni on the show to share the incredible breakthroughs and relationship shifts she experienced after trusting the process.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Before joining the Institute of Living Courageously Crew, Christine worked for 20-years in the field of personal development. She helped others to develop themselves but never applied the lessons to her own life. She never experienced breakthroughs. But, after some deep listening to Marni's coachings and to the outcomes of other clients, she started applying it to her life and experienced some consequential shifts.
Christine says it changed her. She doesn't believe she would be in the amazing relationship she is in now if she hadn’t taken action and applied the lessons.
Christine says her father told her when she was young that humans aren't monogamous. So, she didn't expect it from her relationships. She would pick the wrong men, the bad boys. She thought she was attracted to the hard-to-get, handsome guy.
Marni and the other master coaches helped her go deeper to uncover some trust issues. She didn't trust herself and she never felt enough.
When Christine realized she was enough, she started setting boundaries and stopped over-giving of herself and her time. Suddenly, the energy of her relationship shifted. She expressed her needs to her partner and he would do whatever it was to make it happen. The relationship dynamic changed entirely. Christine stopped over-giving and her partner started giving of himself more.
There is no express bus to get the life you want. You have to make bold courageous moves to reach your vision.
Christine recommends trusting the process because if you do the work it pays off. She says even though she sometimes makes up a story in her head about a situation, she assesses where it came from and decides whether or not it is more about her past or a current need.
When you fail, fail forward because you learn something.
Christine’s advice for other women looking for a fulfilling relationship, ‘Look at every situation as a learning experience’. She never thought having a connected, vulnerable conversation with her partner would be the perfect Friday night date.
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