This Bachelorette recap features real-life dating advice taken from the most recent episodes of the show. Marni and Man Panelist Chris Gillis talk about what is going on behind the scenes with Katie. She was extremely guarded, unlike the authentic, likable character she displayed on previous shows.
Key takeaways from this episode:
When Midwesterner, Michael A. had to break up with Katie we all understood. He says he needs to be a great dad first and this dating show is just a game. He bails but for all the right reasons. He is a genuinely cool dude with a lot at stake. He is a business owner, who is responsible for people other than himself.
Katie didn’t leave with him. Maybe reality set in and she realized he, and his situation, wasn’t right for her. It is a great example of being in a relationship with someone who has kids to consider.
Marni and Chris agree that Katie went into game-playing mode since she knows she will choose Greg anyway. The question is… why is she suddenly showing up like Fembot 3000? Her body language displayed annoyance and she had her guard up. All the things that made her likable seemed to have disappeared.
Finally, the producers found a fun group of high-quality guys to be on the Bachelorette.
Get Rid of Bad Energy with Honesty [16:57]
What should you do if you are having a crappy day and have to deal with something you don’t want to do? Or deal with someone you don’t want to date? Marni says if you find yourself in a similar situation try dipping into your vulnerability and articulate how you are feeling. Honesty and integrity go hand-in-hand when it comes to these kinds of situations.
Greg, Blake, or Justin? [27:45]
Chris predicts Katie is keeping Justin around as a place-holder and will ultimately choose Greg. But, he thinks Greg may not want to be had after how his phone blew up with other offers.
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This week Marni welcomes Daniel Herrold into the Den. Daniel is the co-founder of Divorced Over 40, a group that provides community to divorced men and women the world over who are in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. The community intends to foster and cultivate relationships and friendships organically. Divorced Over 40 has over 10,000 virtual members in 50 cities in 7 countries.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Daniel was inspired to create Divorced Over 40 because he lost many of his friends when he got divorced. He needed time to heal and figure out who he was but still needed connection. He wanted to create a way for people to connect and build friendships post-divorce without the stigma of a culture that implies one must jump into the next relationship, or to date right away.
He says there is a season after divorce when people aren’t ready to date again. If they are healing or trying to figure out who they are. Even though the platform can be utilized as a springboard into dating, it is designed to create connections first.
People are at the height of their attractiveness when they don't need a plus one.
Everyone is yearning for connection and many people are disenfranchised with the dating process and apps, Daniel says. His community provides an alternative for people to meet in a non-pressured way to build friendships.
Getting divorced offers the opportunity to reconnect with who you are.
It is possible to create a new life of rebirth and rediscovery after you have done the healing work. Daniel says many people start dating before they figure themselves out. Which ultimately wastes time because you end up with a lot of unaligned connections.
Navigating New Friendships [16:59]
It is important to have good intentions when investing in creating new connections. Go out and meet people more often. Daniel says consistency is the key growth factor of his community-building events.
Practice being open-hearted and having fun during your transition time after a divorce.
People can hold on to their old life because they are scared. Daniel says the common denominator is that everyone requires true connection. He adds that it is beneficial to have people who understand what you are going through because they have gone through similar things. They are likely more empathetic and understanding. because they get it.
Using Divorce Over 40’s connection tool to cultivate friendships post-divorce allows you to cultivate platonic friendships with the opposite sex. Something you may not have been able to do during a marriage. Know that after divorce it is possible to have healthy relationships with the opposite sex and share thoughts on dating, and relationships.
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This Bachelorette recap features real-life dating advice taken from the most recent episodes of the show. Marni and Man Panelist Chris Gillis talk about ‘Machete’ Katie. She is a break-up artist. Is she breaking up with guys quickly because she has already chosen Greg?
Key takeaways from this episode:
Marni and Chris make note that not all the guys are getting one-on-one time with Katie. There are 5 or 6 guys left and not all of them have even gotten to their first date. If the show is designed to end in engagement the producers better get on it.
Tip — don't get engaged to someone to whom you have never been on a date.
Brendan is an example of a quality guy. He never got a date card and he wanted to know why. He went directly to Katie and asked. Marni thinks it should have been the other way around and Katie should have said something to Brendan before he felt it necessary to go to her.
A quality person lets the other person know how they are feeling and why something is not working.
When you break up with someone, mimic what Andrew did. Don't send the one last thing text. Go to the other person and say “let's end this with a smile.” Marni reiterates that actions are important. If you don't want to be the backup person, bow out when it's appropriate.
Look for a guy who has the mature qualities Andrew S. displays.
Katie & Greg Forever [22:08]
Marni has a theory about what is going on behind the scenes. She thinks Katie sat down with the producers and let them know she has already made her decision to choose Greg. But, the producers still have some weeks to fill with content so they are giving her easy break-ups so she can go through the motions.
Bachelorette Predictions? [31:01]
Marni and Chris both agree it will be Greg. Although Chris believes Katie is choosing Greg for different reasons than Marni. Chris says Katie is like a nurse to Greg and she is addicted to his resting, sad face. When he is unsure and wavering, Katie enjoys reassuring him. Chris thinks the relationship will get stale after a little while.
Marni, on the other hand, thinks Greg signed up for the Bachelorette thinking the show is stupid. But, he likes Katie so he is trying to ignore the TV/entertainment aspects. He feels out of integrity with himself to keep the show going. And, Katie doesn’t want him to leave the show before she chooses him.
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In this intriguing episode, Marni welcomes Misa Hopkins into the Den. Misa has been a pioneer in the field of feminine consciousness for over 20 years. She is a five-time bestselling author and appears in the newly released documentary, The Spark. We discuss her ability to balance consciousness through mystical initiations in masculine and feminine energies.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Emotional wisdom is anchored in sacred feminine consciousness. Women go through cycles of intense emotions starting from their first menstruation. For centuries, women have been taught that emotions are a problem to be suppressed. But that is incorrect, Misa says. Our emotions are gateways to our inner wisdom, intuition, and ultimately to our awakening.
All of your emotions are valid.
The emotional walls we built to protect us from early hurts may be hindering growth and relationships. Misa says when doing internal work you don't have to relive all the pain. When emotions of anger and sorrow bubble up into consciousness, be compassionate toward them.
It is self-honoring to love yourself through the emotion.
When we map an energy onto a man by looking to them to help us through our emotional journey, we strip them of who they are.
How to Get Out of Your Own Way [25:14]
Misa says she pushed away plenty of beautiful people from her life because she expected them to be what she needed to be for herself. Marni adds many women are looking for a male version of themselves.
In dating, be present and find out who a man is without imposing your wants and needs on to him.
Misa asks us to remember there is no growth if we find ourselves with a duplicate of ourselves. Why not be with a man who stretches you or who gets you to try new things in life?
When someone new comes into your life, ask why the universe sent them. If the two of you don't completely sync up, use the time as an opportunity to bless someone else in their journey.
Bless & Release [30:14]
If a person you meet is not aligned with your desires, direct your thoughts toward how you will feel when you are with a partner who is suited for you. You can't be aware of or attract a potential partner when you are in the wrong headspace.
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This Bachelorette recap features real-life dating advice taken from the most recent episodes of the show. Marni and Man Panelist Chris Gillis talk about how much they like Katie, why kissing shouldn’t be the end of a relationship, and the importance of getting the important, lifestyle questions out at the beginning of the dating process.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Connor, aka the Cat Guy, took a big hit after what seemed to be a great date. Katie says goodbye to him and when he asks why she twists the knife and says it was his kiss. Marni says Katie has other guys to choose from so she can be picky but in real life dating if you meet your version of Connor, don’t let kissing be the end all be all. Katie should have been gentler with Connor.
It IS possible to instruct and work with men who have challenges in the kissing department.
In a long-term relationship, the amount of kissing dwindles over the years. Don’t judge someone based on a few kisses.
Marni and Chris agree the double date with Kaitlyn’s new face was unnecessary. Why would the producers do it? And as far as changing your face or body because you think guys like it, Marni’s advice is less is more, including spider-like eyelashes.
If you change your appearance to be what you think guys find attractive you are wrong.
The WOWO Challenge [13:43]
The guys of the Bachelorette were given a challenge to not masturbate. The producers aired conversations about how much each one wanks off. Marni has a hard time believing some guys do it three times a day until Chris clarifies that it’s true. He says it is important to get rid of all the bullets in your gun before a date, especially if you like a girl. He adds that men can turn primal and become dumb animals looking at T&A.
If the guy you are dating looks at porn, don’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with you, men think about sex every 7 seconds.
Bachelorette Predictions: Who Will Katie Choose? [17:43]
Katie can not keep a villain on the show. It is probably driving the producers crazy. As soon as there is drama Katie shuts it down and says goodbye to the guy causing it. When she discovered Hunter lied twice she asked him about it. He seemed disinterested in defending himself so she said goodbye.
Chris predicts Katie will choose between Greg, Blake, and Andrew. He feels like she wants to hurry up and make a decision. Marni thinks Greg is the frontrunner.
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Marni welcomes the Authors of Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stupid: Changing Feelings About Technology from Telegraph to Twitter, Dr. Susan Matt, and Luke Fernandez into the Den. Luke is an Assistant Professor at Weber State School of Computing and Susan is a Professor of History at Weber State. Both have been published in the Washington Post.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Our personalities and emotions are changing due to social media. Past generations didn’t quantify their worth with how many friends they had. They didn’t get bored as easily because no one was pressuring them to use their time. Susan points out the word boredom didn’t exist until the 19th century.
Luke encourages us to think of emotions and feelings as not just biological but as things that are shaped by the world around us. By technologies and language.
Technology companies lead us to believe that happiness is being connected all the time.
Unrealistic Expectations [15:39]
There is an entire 'loneliness' industry that touts the message that we need more friends. As advertisements began to saturate through new media outlets, people started believing the hype.
We may be more connected than our ancestors but the amount of loneliness we are prone to is the same.
Luke reminds us that in the past people would admit to being lonely and join loneliness clubs. In the current environment, many people feel shame due to not having the ‘right’ amount of friends or FOMO. But, it is all based on conditioning and language. Enjoying solitude connotes something different than suffering loneliness.
How Did the Pandemic Change Us? [25:36]
During the pandemic, technology was extremely useful in keeping us connected with our loved ones and offered us a sense of community even though we were restricted to our homes. Luke is optimistic about how technology can help us in these ways and says it shouldn’t be vilified.
Change How We React [33:12]
Luke and Susan didn’t intend for their book to be a self-help guide. But, Luke says just being aware of how we use technology and how we react to our feelings can shift our perspectives and remove the stigma of loneliness. Ultimately, it is up to us and the language we use with ourselves.
Emotions are not set in stone. We can change the way we feel about something.
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Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stupid: Changing Feelings about Technology, from the Telegraph to Twitter
Marni welcomes the Creator of the Cooch and Gooch Ball, Jana Danielson. Jana’s health issues were the catalyst for her career shift. She transformed her life and became a wellness entrepreneur. She runs a series of integrated health therapy clinics and educates clients on pelvic floor fitness tools, including the Cooch Ball.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Jana is passionate about teaching people to increase their health and wellness. She is all about being inspired by real women, understanding our bodies, and taking action to change the body from the inside out.
She says health and wellness have been a 'pieces' approach. When we approach it this way we create asymmetries and dysfunction in the body. She adds that it is beneficial to consider our bodies as a series of systems. If we work on our systems, we can bring our mindset, our spirit, and our self-love into alignment. It starts from the inside and permeates out.
Pelvic Floor Fitness [7:25]
The diaphragm is the muscle that breathes for us. It is in the crest of the rib cage. And, the pelvic floor is the floor of our core, it is sexy and functional. They work in conjunction with each other.
The more we suck in our guts and try to look a certain way we can disrupt normal body function.
Jana says one simple thing we can do is to become aware of our diaphragmatic breathing. Being conscious of our breath helps our bodies to function at an optimal level.
When inhaling, envision yourself picking up a grape with your vagina, and on the exhale set the grape down. Jana says it can change your life. Look beyond the Kegel, because it is a forced clench and release. This can play into the dysfunction because it creates tightness in the body.
How to maintain structural integrity and fitness as we age:
Cooch Ball [22:32]
Ten years ago Jana worked with a gynecologist in Reno to compare notes on how women could reveal, release, and rejuvenate themselves after childbirth or surgery. They worked together on the basic principles of a muscle needs nutrient-rich blood flow to flourish, and rewiring patterns and habits can be achieved through neuroplasticity,
Jana played around with different-sized balls and rollers to create a tool and platform she could use to educate people about pelvic floor issues. She says the name Cooch Ball was designed to grab their attention.
A pelvic floor tool is like a best friend. It helps to connect with your body spiritually and consciously.
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Marni welcomes the Founder of the Fioneers into the Den. Jessica is a writer, speaker, coach, and author of the award-winning personal finance lifestyle blog, The Fioneers. Her lifestyle design program helps clients discover their values, design the life they want, and attain financial freedom. Today, she shares the practices and strategies her clients use to shift their lives.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Jessica describes lifestyle design as an iterative process, not a linear goal. It is the process of figuring out who you are, what you want, what your values are, and your strengths and limitations. This process allows you to dream big and then make a plan to make your dreams a reality.
She shares her journey of pivoting from a job she didn’t enjoy to becoming financially independent. When she started suffering emotional turmoil and panic attacks, she knew she had to leave her toxic job.
Ask yourself ‘What can I get my money to do to have the life I want right now?’
After ingesting as much financial information as could, Jessica realized she could use her money to live the life she wanted.
You can have a lot of money or a little money and still know nothing about it.
Lifestyle Design [24:11]
Jessica started the process of making it a reality in her life. She took six months off from work. She removed everything from her life and then decided what she put back in. She made a financial plan and built up her emergency fund.
She advises starting by asking yourself what percentage of your day or week is doing something that you love and getting off auto-pilot.
We don’t honor ourselves by doing the things we think we should be doing instead of what we want to be doing.
Powerful tools to evoke action:
If you weren't burned out how would you be spending your time?
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