Marni, Chris Gillis, and newcomer clinical psychologist, Dr. Emily Owens attempt to make heads or tails of the season finale of The Bachelorette 2021. It seems All-American girl Michelle Young has a bad picker. She chose Nayte who struggles with communications over emotionally well-versed Brandon. She may need to Life Check herself.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Michelle can’t go back and have a do-over. She chose Nayte, a guy who has never been in a relationship in his life and doesn't talk about his feelings. But, Marni says, this happens in real life to intelligent, savvy, professional women every day.
Dr. Emily notes that Michelle’s body language told the story. She obviously has more of an attraction to Nayte. But, this isn’t in line with what Michelle said about needing to find someone who loves her more than she loves him. She is probably setting herself up to fail.
Brandon and Michelle’s hug looked tender, soft, and authentic. The Nayte and Michelle hug didn't give off the same energy.
After the rose ceremony, the network tells Nayte he has to move to Minnesota and the couple will receive $200,000 to buy a house. Does the money come with stipulations?
Dr. Emily says Michelle may be trying to fit Nayte into a mold that he has professed isn’t for him. What you see is what you get with men. The relationship may not last very long.
Brandon the Break Up King [14:24]
Brandon exhibited an emotionally mature communication style when Michelle broke up with him. He truly knows how to communicate his feelings. He said he wanted Michelle to be happy even if it wasn’t with him. He had a spiritual point of view. Marni hopes he stays true to being a nice, sweet kid. Chris agreed, saying that for a guy he articulated exceptional wisdom.
Even the Twitterverse is poking fun at the discrepancy in Nayte’s inability to express himself and Brandon’s communication skills.
Ladies, when you are dating, be committed to your deal breakers and make sure you are looking for the right things.
Emily says the thing about values is that they are a long-term game. In dating, if you play the short-term game you set yourself up to fail. Over the long term, you will feel more connected if you stay true to your values.
What is your game plan and how can you date to win?
Marni thinks Michele may not be emotionally available enough to receive the kind of love Brandon has to offer.
Bachelor 2021 & 2022 [35:43]
The barriers to the contestants finding healthy, romantic love for Bachelor 2021 were:
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Marni speaks with Dr. Colin Wilford, a Clinical Psychologist with 27 years in dating and relationship counseling. Dr. Wilford enjoys studying mind-personality dynamics, the power of influence, and leadership. He helps companies with leadership, relationships, and people concerns. During the conversation, he shares his 4 Pillars to Higher Emotional Intelligence and his early-dating ConeXions assessment tool.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Marni asks Dr. Wilford about how a woman can determine what motivates the man they are dating or a team member they manage. Dr. Wilford says it is all about passion. He says be upfront and right to the point and ask “What blows your hair back? What gets you up in the morning?”
We all have a passion for something and unless we ask the questions we don't know what motivates people. Most people are thinking about themselves and what they want instead of the other person.
In a relationship, people want to feel attracted to one another, they want to be loved, validated, and accepted.
Dr. Wilford’s 4 Key Pillars to Emotional Intelligence
Making ConeXsions [22:58]
Dr. Wilford has been thinking about what makes relationships successful, what makes some compatible, and what makes them fall apart. So, he designed a tool that assesses compatibility between people who are starting to connect and starting to date. The tool helps filter through possible issues the pair may have if they couple up.
ConeXsions:
It points to the things that create compatibility and gives couples something to come back to when they hit a rough patch.
Most relationships fall apart because one person can not handle the stress.
How-to Grow Emotional Intelligence [35:02]
Dr. Wilford reveals that human beings have the wonderful privilege of receiving a stimulus and then having time to think about what to do about it. The rest of the animal kingdom doesn't have this ability. To grow emotionally, it is important to increase the time between what is triggering you and what you believe you need to do in the situation based on your perception, understanding, and what you think the results will be based on the action you take.
Don't be an animal, be a human being.
The key is to increase the time. When we have a knee-jerk reaction it is normally destructive to our relationship.
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Marni and Chris break down this week’s Bachelorette and filter out all the golden nuggets of real-life dating advice. It looks like it is down to Brandon and Nayte and Michelle seems to be attracted to the guy who has difficulty communicating. Marni discusses what this means and what you can do if you find yourself in a similar situation.
Key takeaways from this episode:
This episode highlights how mean people can be to each other when they are triggered. Either a lot of the guys on the show have a low emotional intelligence or they are being triggered by TV producers who bring out the worst in them. Marni says that when we get activated, especially when one of our core values is triggered, it can be hard to hit the pause button and be our best adult selves. And being on national TV puts it in the spotlight.
The human brain is naturally attracted to drama. Chris says people get attached to having someone validate them. When they don't do it, it can be maddening. That ongoing drama keeps our attention and we continue to spend time trying to figure out why someone is not giving us what we want. It's a game you can never win, Marni says. If you find yourself in this situation, do yourself a favor and run away.
Addicted to the Chase [9:38]
If you are someone who leans more toward a guy you want to like you more than he does versus the guy you are dating who likes you a lot this Bachelorette holds some good lessons.
Brandon is in love with Michelle and tells her will love her until her last dying breath. Michelle seems to shift in her seat and is obviously uncomfortable with him professing his undying love. Then when Nayte, who is 27 and has never had a girlfriend, says he is catching feelings for her she gets all giddy. Michelle wants to be chosen instead of doing the choosing.
Chris adds that the internet thinks Michelle is the greatest thing since sliced bread but he thinks she displays some red flags when she interacts with the guys. She is a teacher and she might feel needed when trying to help or change them. Marni and Chris have different opinions about whether Michelle has had physical relations with some of the guys during their sleepovers.
If you are never attracted to the guy who is really into you, consider why that is.
Predictions [32:35]
Marni believes Michelle will choose chancy 6-foot-8 Nayte over smitten Brandon. If she picks Nayte? Chris says within 3-6 months the couple will find a reason to break it off. Michelle wants to save the world, and it will not be Nayte’s style. Marni says Nayte is a player and not marriage material. Only time will tell.
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In this inspirational coaching episode, Marni speaks with Tarah. Tarah was part of the 5-Keys to Becoming Irresistible program in May of 2020. She is a 38-year-old, single, Professional Marketing and PR Communications expert. Tarah describes how she created the life she wanted by using the foundational principles of the program.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Tarah was put into a position of leadership within the craft brewing community of Charleston, SC. She moved from NYC after providing financial and human resource services to a fast-paced company. She had traveled, changed jobs, and cities but still didn’t have a partner.
When Tarah thought about it she realized she didn’t know how to date. She knew she needed help because what worked for her in the past didn't really work for her. She was aware enough to know that there must be a better way. So, she reached out to Marni and the team then joined the 5-Keys to Becoming Irresistible program in May of 2020.
Previous to joining the program, Tarah had spent years in therapy, studied her attachment style, read books, and had even tried to travel it out but none of these things empowered her to get the life she wanted. One of her biggest takeaways from the 5-Keys program was to create, communicate, and implement boundaries.
Transform Your Dating Life [10:32]
Many people believe they are stuck in their attachment style and patterns. But it is possible to rewire our brains to overcome, shift, and shed existing patterns. Tarah describes how she shifted her attachment style.
She says it will always be work. She has to constantly remind herself that she put her boundaries in place for a reason. She knows if she breaks her promise to herself she will go back into the behavior that doesn't allow her to get her needs met.
Tarah started a new relationship using what she learned from the program and while it didn't work out with the guy, it did get her closer to where she wants to be. She says she wanted to believe that love conquers all but it just isn't realistic. People need to have some values in alignment but they have to be bigger than the areas of contention.
Whether it is an App or a Pub, You Have to Put Yourself Out There [28:18]
Tarah says she put out to the universe that she wants to meet someone organically. A couple of days later she went to a pub for a late lunch. A guy sat down beside her and they have been together for two months. She knows she wants a partner she can do things with but she doesn't have to have a ring on her finger. It's more important, for her, to have shared values with someone.
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Marni speaks with Institute of Living Courageously graduate Stacy McAlpine. Stacy is the founder and CEO of Journey Fuel and Host of the Ignite Your Day daily podcast. Before transforming her life, Stacy spent 20-years consulting for some of the top financial corporations. Today, she helps others start their journey to freedom. If you are ready to live a life on your terms, this episode is for you.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Stacy shares a bit of her history from before attending the Institute of Living Courageously. At 45, she decided it was time to wake up and change her life. After her divorce, she felt as if life had beaten her up. She realized she was now responsible for her own choices instead of depending on someone else.
She initially called Marni for dating advice after being heartbroken by a guy she was dating. But instead of simple dating advice, Marni advised her that she needed to heal herself before she could live a life of love with someone else. Stacy’s intellectual brain had been running the show. And, to untangle all the pieces that were keeping her stuck, she had to go back to basics and invest in herself. She invested in programs with Marni and then into her business, Journey Fuel.
Finding Personal and Professional Freedom [12:06]
To create a shift in her life, Stacy had to look to her past to connect the dots. She realized there were little things in her life that got her to where she was now; she just didn't know they were stepping stones.
She feared she wouldn't succeed. But, the team at the Institute of Living Courageously gave her the confidence to rely on herself. Stacy needed to pause when she was triggered by fear, then remember all the self-development tools and knowledge she had accumulated in her lifetime.
When you are mired in a struggle it is hard to tap into your true consciousness and awareness.
Design the Life You Want [28:04]
Stacy knew she wanted to live near the ocean so she moved herself and her girls to California. She got caught up in the how of changing her life instead of the why. Without knowing it, she was engineering in the wrong direction.
So she took a pause and decided to leave her job. Her ‘why’ was calling out to her. What Stacy wanted was to wake up every morning and do work she loved. She realized she could stand up for herself. She could go after something she wanted instead of being stuck in something she didn’t want.
Stacy created Journey Fuel. The point of Journey Fuel was to create a life that she loved waking up to and to help women to create a similar spark in themselves.
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The Journey Fuel — Ignite Your Day Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/35Z3vxxsv1y5M4Gw8n3ujK?si=bd5c3b15a2e4416f…
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Marni and Chris deconstruct the latest Bachelorette episode to siphon every last drop of real-life dating advice out of it. This week, Michelle was a tad too condescending when giving sweet Rodney the boot. So, Marni offers tips for breaking up with a guy without belittling him, plus why Clayton was chosen for the new Bachelor.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Marni and Chris have a difference of opinion when it comes to Brandon. Marni thinks he is a genuinely nice guy while Chris calls him out as a player. So, how do you know if a guy is honestly falling for you or if he is a low-key hidden narcissist?
Chris says Brandon is good at pushing the ball down the field and seems to be talking Michelle into a relationship. He cleverly shows up at certain times and asks for a separate conversation with her parents. Chris thinks Brandon is doing it with a purpose and eventually we will see he is a hunter. Marni thinks he is the kind of guy a lot of women would fall for.
Both agree that Michelle got rid of Rodney because she doesn't want to sleep with him, that there was no sexual chemistry. She didn't try to create chemistry because there were other guys to choose from who she did have chemistry. Chris thinks Rodney would be a generous lover.
Ladies, reminder, there is nothing wrong with dating multiple guys at once. Marni recommends it!
Nayte [16:55]
Michelle is interested in Nayte even though he has never been in a long-term relationship. Marni thinks Nayte is emotionally stunted but gives him a pass because most humans are. She gives him credit for having the conversation with his step-dad.
Nayte has a great smile and has a lot going for him. He told Michelle she inspires him to be a better man. Nayte has feelings for her but as his Stepdad reminds him, having feelings is different than making a commitment to get married.
Marni’s Hot Takes [31:27]
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Marni speaks with professional storyteller, World-class Producer, and Founder and CEO of The Support System, Sheri Salata during this episode of the Life Check Yourself podcast. In her past life, she was the Executive Producer of the Oprah show and President of Harpo Studios. Sheri shares the keys to manifesting the life of your dreams and how to call in what is next for you from her memoir, The Beautiful No: And Other Tales of Trial, Transcendence, and Transformation.
Key takeaways from this episode:
For 20-years, Sheri ran one of the most beloved brands in the world, Oprah. When the gig ended she had to strip away her identity to transform into an entrepreneur. Describing the process, Sheri says, when the thing that has defined you changes you have to decide who you are without it. It was her middle-of-life-reckoning.
Being someone else's mother, right-hand-gal, wife, etc. is not enough. Women need to sit with themselves to discover who they want to be. It will summon you. We can all get caught up in falling apart in our own way. But our soul speaks to us. We just need to pay attention.
To go to the next level of reckoning, Sheri placed her hands on her heart, spoke to herself in her most tender voice, and said ‘no matter what you find it will be ok’.
Most women have no idea what kind of rut they are in, but when you turn on the lights the freedom starts to shine in.
A Beautiful No [15:57]
In Sheri’s book, The Beautiful No: And Other Tales of Trial, Transcendence and Transformation she describes how all the no's she received in her life led her to the moment when the universe conspired with her.
If you can convince yourself that every rejection, every betrayal, and every no you have received is pushing you in a different direction you become open to the greatness you deserve.
Sheri shares an example of when she got a 'no' on a job she really wanted. Shortly after, she got a call from the Oprah show. Look back at your life and find your beautiful no's and then put your hands on your heart and be curious when something doesn't turn out the way you wanted.
Accept what happens in life then tune into your spiritual self and await the next surprise.
Two hacks that make it easier to accept the no’s you receive:
Following Your Spirit to Find Your Purpose [26:04]
Sheri reminds us that there is no such thing as work/life balance because the concept of balance is basically to tip over and come back to center. Eliminate the words in your life that are not in your favor such as have to and no choice.
Start listening to signals that confirm you are on your divine path in your work and finding your purpose. Sheri says she had no idea she was going to do everything she does today that drives revenue one year ago. And, to top it off, she loves everything she does. Her life is lining up as it is supposed to because she is following her spirit.
Set yourself free in your own mind about what is possible for yourself. Stir your dream pot and tune into your divine feminine.
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