Marni coaches a self-proclaimed chronically single woman who used to run a Jewish singles company. Even though Susan has organized meet-ups and networking events there is still something holding her back from meeting a guy with the qualities she wants. This episode is for the ladies who don’t attract men at their level.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Pre-COVID, Susan used to go on 3-5 first dates a month. But, since the pandemic, she feels that many guys are just looking for hookups right now. She even had to deal with someone who chastised her for what they believed to be her political stance.
Her pattern is to go through a series of short relationships for a few months and then return to being single again. She wants someone who is driven and passionate about life.
Marni uncovers that Susan may be intellectually confident her unconscious beliefs that she is not worthy may come into play when she meets a guy.
When dating, if your worthiness is dependent on external validation then how likely is it you can be resilient, show up confident, and be rejection proof?
Susan’s love shield is marred by the shame message, or the internalized negative parent voice, that she is not enough. When we have a message instilled into us in childhood, we either attract people or experiences into our life that reinforce the message because it's familiar.
As children, we believe what our parents tell us about ourselves even if it doesn’t sit well with us. Because our brains aren’t able to support independent thought at that time. If our parents don’t supply us with unconditional love we feel unworthy of it.
Susan attracts men who are not at her level because she knows she can be in control and not have to worry about being enough. Unconsciously, she thinks ‘what does it matter’ this isn’t going anywhere anyway.
We attract people or experiences into our lives based on our childhood wounding.
She is not doing it from a place of intention. She is leaking. To shift her outcomes in dating, she needs to heal her childhood wounding. Intellectually, she believes she is worthy of a fabulous person to love and that she will find the person for her but her wounded inner child is still running the show.
To be with someone who is at your level is to expose your vulnerability.
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