Are you a pleaser and an achiever? Does your voice get muffled by fear of conflict?
Do you accept your partner’s choices and then sulk about it for hours?
Do you put up walls to keep you from engaging in conflict?
This episode is about resolving conflict in relationships. Conflict is unavoidable, so, you may as well embrace it and learn to get what you want without ruining your relationships.
My guests today are the founders of Thrive! They specialize in helping leaders, teams, and companies deal with ever-changing business dynamics to ignite creativity and innovation. CrisMarie and Susan are speakers and they co-authored the book, The Beauty of Conflict. In relationships, they help partners with power struggles and create healthy, resilient relationships by teaching couples how to communicate and set boundaries.
What Opportunities Do People Miss When They Avoid Conflict? [8:57]
Talking about differences can really elevate our relationships. Differences can create a spark of sexual tension, in a good way. If we can explore each other's differences we can get closer. We can reach intimacy through engaging in different opinions and ideas of our partners.
Make friends with the fact that conflict is happening.
Strategies to Help You Handle Conflict [11:59]
When faced with conflict you may want to run away from it or stand and fight it. Susan says the first step is to take a deep breath and then feel your feet and your seat. Bringing your energy back into your body and settle your nervous system by becoming conscious of some part of your physical body. Then, speak up, say how you are feeling and then ask for what you want from the other person.
Engage the other person in a conversation and invite a response. "I have a preference of..." is a great way to let the other person know what you want. It's time to get interested in your partner and ask them what it is about their choice interests them so much.
Overcoming the Need to Be Right [20:30]
Don't fall into to the trap of the right/wrong energy by using these three opt-out styles:
1. Always Right
2. The Accommodator
3. The Separator
Setting Boundaries that Stick! [23:36]
Be careful not to set boundaries that are designed to control the other person. Boundaries must be set based on your beliefs and they should be flexible. Consider if your boundaries are rules or walls that only assist you in avoiding conflict? Make your voice heard.
Being vulnerable doesn't always show up as soft and gentle it can also show up as angry and frustrated.
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The Beauty of Conflict by CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke