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The Dating Den

Each week on the podcast, I’ll be interviewing the world’s top experts in attraction, dating, communication, sex, and relationships, as well as coaching real women LIVE, through their real life dating challenges… that are probably a lot like yours!
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Nov 2, 2018

On dating sites, do you just look at profile pics and pass up guys before even reading their profiles? Are you attracted to guys who only contact you sporadically or worse, stand you up? In this coaching session, Marni unravels the reasons why Susan always falls for the wrong guy, why she doesn’t truly feel safe dating, and how she can create an emotionally safe space for herself.

 

Where Are the High-Quality Guys? [1:17]

 

Susan started online dating four months ago and has chatted with a lot of guys but isn't finding men she feels match her. She did like two guys but they were both emotionally unavailable. The last guy she dated stood her up three times. She knows he doesn’t bring anything to the table. He is basically a crumbs guy.

 

Susan asks Marni these key questions about online dating:

 

  • There are plenty of men online but none she believes are high-quality men. Are her expectations too high?
  • How do you start communication with a virtual stranger?
  • What are the right questions to ask potential dates to qualify or disqualify them?

 

Susan’s limiting beliefs are:

 

  • She is too much.
  • She has lost the feminine energy.
  • She likes being in a powerful position.

 

Vulnerability is Not a Weakness [6:35]

 

Susan shares her experience of chatting up someone who she finds incredibly sweet but she has already envisioned the challenges they would possibly face in the future. She is afraid of being hurt, rejected, or disappointed.

 

Susan doesn’t truly feel safe dating and is showing up as being emotionally unavailable. Marni points out that it may stem from her early childhood when her father died when she was only 11-years-old. She learned that love isn’t safe and being in control is important for her.

 

The problem is when you are emotionally unavailable you attract other emotionally unavailable people.  

 

Creating Emotional Safety [19:50]

 

Marni asks Susan to be reflective of her choices when dating. What is driving her decisions? Does she just want what she can’t have due to the losses she endured in her life?

 

When Susan creates her own emotional safety she won’t need to control every situation and she can show up in dating feeling really good about who she is.

 

The most self-loving thing she can do is to put her dating on hold and focus on her own emotional needs right now.  

 

How Important is Physical Attraction in Online Dating [30:05]

 

How important is a potential date’s physical appearance when browsing profiles online?  

 

Marni recommends reading a guy’s profile first. If his core values match your core values then consider how attracted you are to him. Studies have shown that if a man meets a woman’s core values his attractiveness automatically increases.

 

When dating online, screen a profile for values first then consider the photos.

 

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