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Life Check Yourself

Each week on the podcast, hear Marni Battista, Founder and CEO of The Institute For Living Courageously, interview the world’s top experts in how to help people live more meaningful and impactful lives.
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Now displaying: Page 8
Sep 11, 2021

Marni and Chris discuss the dating lessons gleaned from the latest episode of Bachelor in Paradise. They touch on great basic dating tips to how to get past your childhood wounds and date like an adult.

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Rekindling with an Ex
  • Having sex on the first date 
  • Playing the victim when you don’t get what you want
  • Dealing with anxiety while dating
  • Overcoming insecurity

 

Can a Relationship Be Rekindled After a Breakup [1:02]

Kendall, Grocery Store Joe’s ex-fiance, comes back to see if the relationship can be rekindled. They obviously share a physical attraction and connect on many things, but Kendall doesn’t want to talk about why they ended things in the first place. They have goals and values that don’t match up. Joe wants to live in Chicago. Kendall likes L.A.

Chris loves that relationships can be rekindled but warns guys if they get a second shot don't chase the girl. 

Marni says rejection is God's protection. If you are dating someone and you are unable to resolve the 69% of perpetual problems and you can't manage conflict the relationship will probably not work out in the long run. Love is necessary but it's not enough. 

To get back with your ex — You have to agree about the problem you broke up over and work through it.

Stay cautiously optimistic and not rush toward exclusivity. 

Then they discuss Disaster Demi.  She gets upset when Kenny dates other people after they sleep together. She tries to seduce him again and Kenny is obviously over it. Marni notes if you make a decision to sleep with someone, communicate your expectations around it or assume it means nothing. Demi turns into a victim when she doesn't get what she wants and it is off-putting.

Leading with sex is not the way to a quality guy's heart. 

 

How to Deal with the Anxiety When You Really Like a Guy [17:11]

How Marissa acts when Riley is out with other people is an example of the ugly side of anxiety. Marissa had never been on a real date and admits she has walls up. During her date with Riley, she has sex with him. Then when Riley goes to a disco, Marissa freaks out. She likes him so much she is leaking insecurity everywhere. She doesn't feel worthy and it is not attractive. 

 

If you find yourself feeling insecure:

  1. You are not comfortable in your worthiness
  2. Wounded parts of you get triggered and you don't know how to self-soothe
  3. You don't know how to manage your emotions

 

Chris points out that we act like the worst versions of ourselves when we are most excited about getting what we want. He says it is when we tend to fall apart and self-sabotage.

If you are a woman who gets anxious when you like a guy: 

  1. Have healthy coping mechanisms, soothe yourself, and look on the bright side
  2. Consider what you are learning from the situation and focus on the adjustments you need to make. 
  3. Get advice from a trained expert.

 

Attracted to the Same Guy as Your Friend? [34:52]

In dating, until you have the exclusivity conversation, it is important to remember that you don't own a person. Many women get into trouble when they form unhealthy attachments. You have to be honest with yourself and even if you have gone out with the guy a few times you have to trust the process. If he wants to date someone else, so be it. 

Remember you are dating to try and find your person. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Sep 10, 2021

Marni welcomes the Wall Street Journal bestselling author of Battle-tested CEO Krister Ungerböck to the podcast to discuss a communication framework that can save relationships at work and home. Krister shares simple verbal shifts that can transform conversations, reduce conflict, and create intimacy within your relationships. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Ask questions without making people defensive
  • Create safety in a relationship
  • What makes words so powerful
  • Bring awareness to a relationship issue in a playful way

 

What is TalkShift? [4:03]

TalkShift is a communication framework Krister developed after watching many of his business and personal relationships fall apart. Two weeks after stepping down from his position as CEO, his wife walked out on him. He thought he was a good leader but later realized no one wanted to be in a relationship with him. 

We don't need to change people, we just need to change our words 

Krister describes what makes language powerful and how to  use the question words, how and why to ask a question without making the other person defensive. He advises using a scale to understand the true depth of a person’s feelings.

 

Solve Problems in a Playful Way [17:23]

Research shows that men tend to thrive upon the approval and encouragement from their female partners. This means when a woman criticizes or doesn't offer encouragement to a man, it feels as if he is taking an emotional hit. 

Women tend to leave a relationship twice as frequently as men. 

Marni and Krister both openly share a personal experience about a communication gap in their current relationships. In both instances, an unintentional repetitive pattern plays out during conversations. Krister says by bringing the habit into awareness and giving it a name, the issue can be resolved in a playful way without causing resentment or anger. 

A subtle, non-intentional repetitive manner of communication can erode a relationship, or someone's self-esteem in a relationship. 

 

Creating Intimacy From Conflict [30:35]

Krister points out that whenever we find ourselves angry there is always an underlying driver. There are four underlying feelings, being afraid, ashamed, guilty, or sad. A key to dissolving anger is to ask yourself what is behind your anger. Then choose one of the four underlying feelings. This will help to get to the root cause of an issue and allow us the freedom to discuss what is truly bothering us.  

 

We all have triggers. Knowing our partners triggers makes it easier to give them a pass. When our partner is triggered don’t expect to have a deep conversation right away. Let the moment pass and then have deeper conversations about what sets each other off when the situation has passed. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

TalkShift

Krister

Sep 3, 2021

Marni and Chris get together to discuss what insane people do when they are dating that they don't think they do. After watching the double episode of Bachelor in Paradise, Marni took away the obvious dating lessons to share. If you think the way to get a quality guy is to be the ‘cool girl' or you are afraid to commit because you don't want to miss out, there are great lessons for you in this episode. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Why to Date Multiple People Simultaneously
  • Break Patterns of Self-Sabotage
  • Being Resilient in Dating
  • Confidence is Attractive

 

What Makes 40 Year Old Kenny So Desirable? [2:13]

What makes Kenny the most desirable guy in this group? Kenny is 40 and relatively mature. Chris thinks all the chicks are fighting over him because he seems to be comfortable in his own skin. Kenny is dating with dignity. He is not doing douche-baggy things. He makes it clear he is ready for a long-term relationship. 

Mari tells Kenny she wants to date other people. He responds by telling her he will be doing the same. And, while dating multiple people at the same time is dignified and can help you figure out who will make a good partner. The way Mari delivered the message left a lot to be desired. 

Kenny is dating multiple people at the same time to find a long-term partner. 

Marni says if you are afraid to commit and are dating someone who has self-worth, when you tell the other person you want to see other people, you should mean it. A person who has self-worth, like Kenny, will not take it personally and do what you suggest. Kenny slept with Demi shortly after Mari spoke with him. 

  

Quality Guys Get Bored When You Self-Sabotage [20:07]

If you have a pattern of sabotaging your relationships, it is likely guys you are dating will become disinterested. Consider if you are putting all of your cards on the table, or whether you make it too hard for him to take things to the next level. He might just get bored and find someone else who is easy to date.

Abigail is an example of someone who doesn’t open up and reciprocate feelings. She admits to being a self-sabotager but she can’t seem to break the pattern. Noah says he will try to break down her walls but after a while, he will become disinterested. It is tragic.  

 

How to Be Resilient in Dating [29:28]

Aaron displays a great example of resilience after Tammy dumps him.  Even though he was really bummed out he did not let it impact his ability to stay true to his goal. He didn’t take it personally, he didn’t go into victim, and he shifted his energy.

If someone informs you they want to stop dating, give yourself time to be bummed out but get over it. Stay in the game and make another connection.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Aug 27, 2021

Marni and Chris hunker down in the Den to talk about the dating lessons learned from following the recent Bachelor episode. There were some real no-nos this week and some great examples of the issues many of us have when dating. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Why fake it ‘til you make it doesn't work in dating
  • Become rejection-proof
  • Don’t take things personally
  • When women lead with sex
  • Dating multiple people

 

Confidence or Overcompensation? [2:19]

Marni and Chris break down how Demi’s obnoxiousness is probably a cover-up for her low self-worth, keeping in mind that the producers may have prodded her to stir up some trouble. They think Tammy is displaying real confidence but she may enjoy getting attention from drama. 

Marni shares an observation from her years of experience coaching clients — Many women believe they are confident and they are not meeting a man who is at their level. 

When faking confidence it comes across that you are uncomfortable in your skin, and people feel it.

Demi led with sex, overtly kissing Brendan and making it well known she was interested in him physically. Brendan did a great job in telling her that he was exploring all of his options but to save face Demi talked poorly about him and called him a Player.

Marni says that yes, men want to have sex with you considering they think about sex every seven seconds but when you lead with sex what vibe are you giving off? If you make yourself available sexually it does not increase your opportunities with men. Chris says it is not attractive for a woman to make it clear she is interested in sex over and over. A great sexual connection does not mean you are made for each other.

  

Become Rejection-Proof [20:03]

If you have a great date with a guy, give things a chance to unfold. If you don't hear from a guy for a couple of days there are some dignified things you can do to reach out, but remember it was just one date. 

People date other people, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Don’t take it personally. 

Rejection is not personal. It is just that you and the other person are not a match. Be the person you want to attract, don’t take things personally, and you will become rejection-proof. Chris adds, that once you are rejection-proof you probably won't get rejected because it is so sexy. 

Everyone wants to be loved for who they are if they are emotionally available and want to be in a relationship. 

Ladies, it is fine to date more than one person at once. There is no shame in it. If a guy asks if you are dating other people, respond with kindness and honesty. You can not screw up a new relationship with the right guy.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Aug 20, 2021

Marni welcomes a former Bachelor winner and Dating with Dignity client into the Den. In 2016, Estella Renee was chosen by Bachelor Bob only to find out he was dating someone else. Today, she is happily engaged and runs a successful health and wellness business. She shares what she needed to shift before finding the man she has always wanted.

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Healing from past heartbreak
  • Learning to unlock your heart
  • Why your online dating profile should reflect your non-negotiables
  • When you do the work, the right guy will find you

 

When Everyone Knows You Have Been Hurt [3:15]

Shortly before the Bachelor, Estella suffered a two-fold heartbreak. Her father passed away, then the man she was dating broke up with her. Then to top things off, after Bachelor Bob chose her, it was revealed that he was dating someone else when they were supposed to be working toward a relationship. The rejection was televised and she felt embarrassed by it.  

Estella bottled up her vulnerability and put up her love shield.

But, she was determined to find her man. She searched dating coaches and found Marni. She believes divine intervention was at play. She was 40, she had not yet met her partner, and she wanted a family. She asked God for guidance and she made the call that changed her life.

      

Doing the Work [20:36]

After working with Marni for just a short time she had her first breakthrough. It had become clear to her that she was attracting emotionally unavailable men because she was emotionally unavailable. She felt she wanted to commit, but she was not prepared to fully open her heart, and men could sense it.

We are all humans and while men like the pursuit, everyone wants to feel safe when dating. 

Her biggest hurdle, she says, was signing up for an online dating site. She felt the chance of her meeting someone there was impossible. Marni told her to choose her five non-negotiables and she could not negotiate her non-negotiables. 

If you break a promise to yourself early on it will be the thing that breaks the relationship down the road.

During COVID, Estella scheduled three to four facetime dates in one day. 

Trusting in the Process [34:26]

Estella was only on Match.com for two weeks. Her fiance was one of the first people to contact her after reading her lengthy, but clear profile. He was intrigued by her ability to relay what she wanted from a relationship.

Soon to be married, she and her fiance are also opening a new studio focused on recovery and repair in addition to sculpting the body.

Estella says the difference she feels after doing the work is that she is the best version of herself in this relationship.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Estella Renee

Aug 14, 2021

This Bachelorette recap features real-life dating advice taken from the most recent episodes of the show. Marni and Man Panelist Chris Gillis talk about the trainwreck finale that includes angry family members, Katie and Blake getting engaged and some of the worst hosting in TV history.

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • How to step back from an argument
  • Why it is wrong to label someone 
  • Vulnerability or oversharing?
  • Take responsibility for your half of a relationship

 

Are You Ready to Date Again? [1:55]

One thing for sure is you must be emotionally free of past relationships before you are ready to date again. Marni points out that Katie did not have time to get past her relationship with Greg Grippo before getting engaged to Blake Moynes. Chris thinks Greg was treated unfairly. 

During the episode, the audience meets Katie's mom and her aunt Lindsey, who was very angry and disconnected. Marni says it explains why Katie can go from being fun and playful to stone-cold quickly. Marni hypothesized that there may be a lot of secrets in the family based on their actions and remembers back to a past episode when Katie finds out that her father was not her biological father.

Katie looked belittled by her family.

      

Oversharing is Not Vulnerability [24:03]

When Katie and Blake performed the burning ceremony, Katie opened up about her insecurities and her need for safety. Later, Blake said it was too much pressure and it scared him to have that responsibility on his shoulders. Marni points out that Katie shouldn't put her emotional safety in the hands of another person. 

It’s hard to believe Blake is Katie’s soul mate after seeing the breakup with Greg and all in such a short time.

 

Katie Should Apologize to Greg [36:48]

Greg accused Katie of wanting to play the part of the Bachelorette and he may have been right even though he is an actor. Marni is a big fan of Greg and how he maintained a mature stance during the finale. He seems to be a genuine guy who had genuine feelings for Katie.

If someone rails on you, don't go back so they can do it again.  

In real-life dating, if you get into a heated argument ask the other person for a break. It is better to pause and excuse yourself until things calm down than to say something you don’t mean. Agree on a time to reconvene and start over. 

And, Marni believes Katie should apologize to Greg. As it was inappropriate to put a psychological label (Gaslighter) on Greg just because she was pissed off. 

In the end, everyone just wants love.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Aug 13, 2021

Marni welcomes Michael Tennant, the Founder of the conversation card game, Actually Curious, into the Den to discuss how to create connection and conversation through empathy and curiosity. Michael is an advocate for diversity, mental well-being, and empathy. His workshops and the card game have been featured in the New York Times, Goop, Forbes, Cosmopolitan, and others. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Create connection through empathy
  • Sample questions to ask a date
  • Tips for preparing for a date
  • How to shift the energy of a conversation

 

How Actually Curious Creates Connection Through Empathy [1:39] 

Michael describes his previous life when coming from the ‘get’ energy. He says he didn't know much about himself. He went out seeking his self-confidence and self-worth through dating. Then after discovering his empathy energy he realized what was missing within himself and learned how to love himself fully.

With Actually Curious, Michael knew he had created a game that enhanced trust-building. The card game helps people ask thoughtful questions to other people to understand where they are coming from. In dating, people can decide if they want to start dating casually or get into the topics that matter in long-term relationships and use the knowledge to bridge gaps. 

When playing Actually Curious, it starts light and levels up as trust is created.

 

Understanding Ourselves Helps Us Understand Others [15:40]

Fear can close us off energetically. The nervous system holds on to trauma and can create a physical response when we are confronted by a trigger. The Actually Curious cards offer people tools to practice responding to certain stimuli. They can also be used to build muscle memory around the physical aspects of trauma. It can be used when prepping for a date to help us understand why we feel the way we do. 

You have to be connected to yourself before you can connect to someone else. 

 

Creating Harmony from Conflict [23:33]

Michael says when people are aware and use a more evolved language with each other empathy and understanding can be products of conflict. Learning how to resolve conflict can create a deeper connection between couples and family members.  

Michael asks Marni some of the questions from the game. As soon as they start talking about what they are passionate about the energy of the conversation shifts and they create a deeper connection to each other. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Actually Curious Cards

Aug 7, 2021

This Bachelorette recap features real-life dating advice taken from the most recent episodes of the show. Marni and Man Panelist Chris Gillis talk about the mesmerizing episode where Greg Grippo breaks up with Katie! Does Katie have her love shield up? Is Greg too ‘real' for TV?

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Navigating conflict in a relationship
  • Ask higher-quality questions
  • How to have a successful long-term relationship
  • Gaslighting or authenticity?

 

Were There Off Camera Communication Between Katie and Greg? [2:06]

When Greg declared his love it was the rawest and most memorable moment in Reality TV. Greg Grippo was supposed to be THE guy for Katie. He was always more focused on the relationship, not the drama the producers prodded. Marni points out several instances when Katie pleaded for Greg not to go but ‘on camera’ Greg never mentioned he was going anywhere. 

Does Katie have an unwarranted fear of abandonment that she pushed on Greg?   

Where is the Katie we knew and loved from the beginning of the season? Did she turn into a robot? She barely responded when Greg said he loved her. Things heated up quickly. The thing that killed Katie and Greg was their inability to deal with conflict in a relationship. 

  

Team Greg [19:29]

Marni thinks Greg is in love with Katie but he does not care about the theatrics of the show. She thinks he got scared about falling in love with Katie. Chris thinks Greg dated with dignity, and once the game show aspect of the show was over he wanted to get real but Katie couldn't commit. Men love being the knight in shining armor but Katie wouldn’t allow herself to accept it.

Katie has a hard time receiving love. She has her love shield up. 

To have a successful long-term relationship: 

  • Both parties need to be committed to individual growth.
  • Both parties need to be committed to the growth of the relationship. 

Greg was honorable. He collected data and the data he collected was not a good match for him. Both Marni and Chris believe Greg will not agree to be in the spotlight after the show ends. They believe he was in it to find love.

 

Do the Guys Who Said Goodbye Still Want Katie? [49:51]

Marni asks Chris if he thinks the guys Katie asked to leave the show feel they dodged a bullet, or do they want to be with Katie now that she is free? Both Chris & Marni think the good guys Katie let go feel like they dodged a bullet. 

Katie told the producers off camera she loved Greg but never told Greg to his face. 

You are going to have issues in a relationship at some point but when you are dating with intention and self-worth you will have established trust and commitment and be able to work through conflict. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Aug 6, 2021

This week Marni welcomes Guy Shahar into the Den. Guy is the co-founder and lead facilitator of the Tantra Institute and the originator of Tantra Speed Date. He is an advanced certified Tantra educator, writer, and entrepreneur. With decades of experience, he teaches people how to become better lovers and how to heal the rift between masculine and feminine energies. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Surrender into your feminine
  • Form more intimate connections 
  • Allow a man to make mistakes
  • How to have fulfilling dating experiences

 

Tantra Speed Dating [2:55]

If you cringe when you think of speed dating, Tantra Speed Dating may be just what you are looking for. Guy explains how Tantra Speed Dating can offer deeper connections between a man and a woman while eliminating the preconceived ideas and judgment normally present when dating. 

Dating should be a shared spiritual experience, Guy says. It is designed to help people healthily relate to each other from the beginning of a relationship.

What we think we want may not be in alignment with what we are attracted to. 

Asking high-quality questions such as how you feel about yourself in the presence of a particular man is key. Could you feel safe with him if you surrendered into your feminine?

 

Dropping into Feminine [18:57]

In modern times, women have been taught to be more masculine, maybe too much so. They often feel they have to take care of everything themselves and can’t completely relax or surrender. Guy says when it comes to relationships people can be in different roles. Men want to serve women and understand how to make a woman happy but the woman has to be open to receiving. 

The more a woman surrenders into her feminine the more it energetically encourages a man to step up into his masculine because we naturally polarize each other.

On a date, if a woman shows up in her masculine a man might have to alpha compete to see who will be in the masculine or it can polarize him into his feminine.  If you want a man in his masculine it being in your masculine will sabotage your efforts.

 

  • Allow a man a few mistakes while he gets to know you.
  • Encourage a man to be in his masculine role.
  • Develop a relationship with your body.
  • Give a man a mission, then reward him for carrying it out.
  • Stop believing the cultural rhetoric about men



Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Jul 31, 2021

This Bachelorette recap features real-life dating advice taken from the most recent episodes of the show. Marni and Man Panelist Chris Gillis talk about what is going on behind the scenes with Katie. She was extremely guarded, unlike the authentic, likable character she displayed on previous shows.

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Internal strife shows in your body language
  • The show is just a game after all
  • Single parents have different dating rules
  • How vulnerability can soften tough blows

 

Maybe Love Doesn’t Conquer All? [2:10]

When Midwesterner, Michael A. had to break up with Katie we all understood. He says he needs to be a great dad first and this dating show is just a game. He bails but for all the right reasons. He is a genuinely cool dude with a lot at stake. He is a business owner, who is responsible for people other than himself. 

Katie didn’t leave with him. Maybe reality set in and she realized he, and his situation, wasn’t right for her. It is a great example of being in a relationship with someone who has kids to consider. 

Marni and Chris agree that Katie went into game-playing mode since she knows she will choose Greg anyway. The question is… why is she suddenly showing up like Fembot 3000? Her body language displayed annoyance and she had her guard up. All the things that made her likable seemed to have disappeared.

Finally, the producers found a fun group of high-quality guys to be on the Bachelorette. 

         

Get Rid of Bad Energy with Honesty [16:57]

What should you do if you are having a crappy day and have to deal with something you don’t want to do? Or deal with someone you don’t want to date? Marni says if you find yourself in a similar situation try dipping into your vulnerability and articulate how you are feeling. Honesty and integrity go hand-in-hand when it comes to these kinds of situations. 

 

Greg, Blake, or Justin? [27:45]

Chris predicts Katie is keeping Justin around as a place-holder and will ultimately choose Greg. But, he thinks Greg may not want to be had after how his phone blew up with other offers. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Jul 30, 2021

This week Marni welcomes Daniel Herrold into the Den. Daniel is the co-founder of Divorced Over 40, a group that provides community to divorced men and women the world over who are in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. The community intends to foster and cultivate relationships and friendships organically. Divorced Over 40 has over 10,000 virtual members in 50 cities in 7 countries. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Benefits of people who understand what you are going through
  • Preparing yourself for a new life, post-divorce
  • Meeting people in a group setting takes the edge off
  • Cultivating friendships with members of the opposite sex
  • Navigating dating without apps

 

Dating After Divorce is a Process [2:13]

Daniel was inspired to create Divorced Over 40 because he lost many of his friends when he got divorced. He needed time to heal and figure out who he was but still needed connection. He wanted to create a way for people to connect and build friendships post-divorce without the stigma of a culture that implies one must jump into the next relationship, or to date right away. 

He says there is a season after divorce when people aren’t ready to date again. If they are healing or trying to figure out who they are. Even though the platform can be utilized as a springboard into dating, it is designed to create connections first.

People are at the height of their attractiveness when they don't need a plus one.

Everyone is yearning for connection and many people are disenfranchised with the dating process and apps, Daniel says. His community provides an alternative for people to meet in a non-pressured way to build friendships.

Getting divorced offers the opportunity to reconnect with who you are. 

It is possible to create a new life of rebirth and rediscovery after you have done the healing work. Daniel says many people start dating before they figure themselves out. Which ultimately wastes time because you end up with a lot of unaligned connections. 

 

Navigating New Friendships [16:59]

It is important to have good intentions when investing in creating new connections. Go out and meet people more often. Daniel says consistency is the key growth factor of his community-building events. 

Practice being open-hearted and having fun during your transition time after a divorce.  

People can hold on to their old life because they are scared. Daniel says the common denominator is that everyone requires true connection. He adds that it is beneficial to have people who understand what you are going through because they have gone through similar things. They are likely more empathetic and understanding. because they get it. 

Using Divorce Over 40’s connection tool to cultivate friendships post-divorce allows you to cultivate platonic friendships with the opposite sex. Something you may not have been able to do during a marriage. Know that after divorce it is possible to have healthy relationships with the opposite sex and share thoughts on dating, and relationships. 

 

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Divorced Over 40

Divorced Over 40 on Instagram

Jul 24, 2021

This Bachelorette recap features real-life dating advice taken from the most recent episodes of the show. Marni and Man Panelist Chris Gillis talk about ‘Machete’ Katie. She is a break-up artist. Is she breaking up with guys quickly because she has already chosen Greg? 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Examples of how mature, high-quality guys act
  • TV is made for drama
  • Do women want vulnerable men?
  • Has Katie already made her choice?

 

Guys Try to Get to First Date [2:10]

Marni and Chris make note that not all the guys are getting one-on-one time with Katie. There are 5 or 6 guys left and not all of them have even gotten to their first date. If the show is designed to end in engagement the producers better get on it. 

Tip — don't get engaged to someone to whom you have never been on a date. 

Brendan is an example of a quality guy. He never got a date card and he wanted to know why. He went directly to Katie and asked. Marni thinks it should have been the other way around and Katie should have said something to Brendan before he felt it necessary to go to her.

A quality person lets the other person know how they are feeling and why something is not working. 

When you break up with someone, mimic what Andrew did. Don't send the one last thing text. Go to the other person and say “let's end this with a smile.” Marni reiterates that actions are important. If you don't want to be the backup person, bow out when it's appropriate. 

Look for a guy who has the mature qualities Andrew S. displays. 

 

Katie & Greg Forever [22:08]

Marni has a theory about what is going on behind the scenes. She thinks Katie sat down with the producers and let them know she has already made her decision to choose Greg. But, the producers still have some weeks to fill with content so they are giving her easy break-ups so she can go through the motions. 

 

Bachelorette Predictions? [31:01]

Marni and Chris both agree it will be Greg. Although Chris believes Katie is choosing Greg for different reasons than Marni. Chris says Katie is like a nurse to Greg and she is addicted to his resting, sad face. When he is unsure and wavering, Katie enjoys reassuring him. Chris thinks the relationship will get stale after a little while. 

Marni, on the other hand, thinks Greg signed up for the Bachelorette thinking the show is stupid. But, he likes Katie so he is trying to ignore the TV/entertainment aspects. He feels out of integrity with himself to keep the show going. And, Katie doesn’t want him to leave the show before she chooses him. 

 

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Jul 23, 2021

In this intriguing episode, Marni welcomes Misa Hopkins into the Den. Misa has been a pioneer in the field of feminine consciousness for over 20 years. She is a five-time bestselling author and appears in the newly released documentary, The Spark. We discuss her ability to balance consciousness through mystical initiations in masculine and feminine energies. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • How to tap into emotional wisdom
  • Be truly seen for who you are
  • Healing through emotions
  • Find a partner to grow with
  • How to bless and release someone

 

Emotional Wisdom & Healthy Relationships [1:31]

 Emotional wisdom is anchored in sacred feminine consciousness. Women go through cycles of intense emotions starting from their first menstruation. For centuries, women have been taught that emotions are a problem to be suppressed. But that is incorrect, Misa says. Our emotions are gateways to our inner wisdom, intuition, and ultimately to our awakening. 

All of your emotions are valid. 

The emotional walls we built to protect us from early hurts may be hindering growth and relationships. Misa says when doing internal work you don't have to relive all the pain. When emotions of anger and sorrow bubble up into consciousness, be compassionate toward them.

It is self-honoring to love yourself through the emotion. 

When we map an energy onto a man by looking to them to help us through our emotional journey, we strip them of who they are. 

 

How to Get Out of Your Own Way [25:14]

Misa says she pushed away plenty of beautiful people from her life because she expected them to be what she needed to be for herself. Marni adds many women are looking for a male version of themselves. 

In dating, be present and find out who a man is without imposing your wants and needs on to him.

Misa asks us to remember there is no growth if we find ourselves with a duplicate of ourselves. Why not be with a man who stretches you or who gets you to try new things in life? 

When someone new comes into your life, ask why the universe sent them. If the two of you don't completely sync up, use the time as an opportunity to bless someone else in their journey. 

 

Bless & Release [30:14]

If a person you meet is not aligned with your desires, direct your thoughts toward how you will feel when you are with a partner who is suited for you. You can't be aware of or attract a potential partner when you are in the wrong headspace. 

 

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Misa Hopkins 

Sacred Feminine Awakening

Jul 17, 2021

This Bachelorette recap features real-life dating advice taken from the most recent episodes of the show. Marni and Man Panelist Chris Gillis talk about how much they like Katie, why kissing shouldn’t be the end of a relationship, and the importance of getting the important, lifestyle questions out at the beginning of the dating process. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Less is more when it comes to physical alterations
  • When to ask tough questions in the dating process
  • Guys wank off all the time
  • Predictions about Katie’s frontrunners

Katie Narrows Down the List [2:23]

Connor, aka the Cat Guy, took a big hit after what seemed to be a great date. Katie says goodbye to him and when he asks why she twists the knife and says it was his kiss. Marni says Katie has other guys to choose from so she can be picky but in real life dating if you meet your version of Connor, don’t let kissing be the end all be all. Katie should have been gentler with Connor.

It IS possible to instruct and work with men who have challenges in the kissing department. 

In a long-term relationship, the amount of kissing dwindles over the years. Don’t judge someone based on a few kisses. 

Marni and Chris agree the double date with Kaitlyn’s new face was unnecessary. Why would the producers do it? And as far as changing your face or body because you think guys like it, Marni’s advice is less is more, including spider-like eyelashes. 

If you change your appearance to be what you think guys find attractive you are wrong. 

 

The WOWO Challenge [13:43]

The guys of the Bachelorette were given a challenge to not masturbate. The producers aired conversations about how much each one wanks off. Marni has a hard time believing some guys do it three times a day until Chris clarifies that it’s true. He says it is important to get rid of all the bullets in your gun before a date, especially if you like a girl. He adds that men can turn primal and become dumb animals looking at T&A. 

If the guy you are dating looks at porn, don’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with you, men think about sex every 7 seconds. 

 

Bachelorette Predictions: Who Will Katie Choose? [17:43]

Katie can not keep a villain on the show. It is probably driving the producers crazy. As soon as there is drama Katie shuts it down and says goodbye to the guy causing it. When she discovered Hunter lied twice she asked him about it. He seemed disinterested in defending himself so she said goodbye.

Chris predicts Katie will choose between Greg, Blake, and Andrew. He feels like she wants to hurry up and make a decision. Marni thinks Greg is the frontrunner. 

 

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Jul 16, 2021

Marni welcomes the Authors of Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stupid: Changing Feelings About Technology from Telegraph to Twitter, Dr. Susan Matt, and Luke Fernandez into the Den. Luke is an Assistant Professor at Weber State School of Computing and Susan is a Professor of History at Weber State. Both have been published in the Washington Post.

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Emotions are created by culture
  • Effects of technology on expectations
  • Reframing ideas and feelings
  • Enjoying solitude versus fear of loneliness

How Technology is Changing People [2:08]

Our personalities and emotions are changing due to social media. Past generations didn’t quantify their worth with how many friends they had. They didn’t get bored as easily because no one was pressuring them to use their time. Susan points out the word boredom didn’t exist until the 19th century.

Luke encourages us to think of emotions and feelings as not just biological but as things that are shaped by the world around us. By technologies and language. 

Technology companies lead us to believe that happiness is being connected all the time.

 

Unrealistic Expectations  [15:39]

There is an entire 'loneliness' industry that touts the message that we need more friends. As advertisements began to saturate through new media outlets, people started believing the hype. 

We may be more connected than our ancestors but the amount of loneliness we are prone to is the same. 

Luke reminds us that in the past people would admit to being lonely and join loneliness clubs. In the current environment, many people feel shame due to not having the ‘right’ amount of friends or FOMO. But, it is all based on conditioning and language. Enjoying solitude connotes something different than suffering loneliness.

 

How Did the Pandemic Change Us? [25:36]

During the pandemic, technology was extremely useful in keeping us connected with our loved ones and offered us a sense of community even though we were restricted to our homes. Luke is optimistic about how technology can help us in these ways and says it shouldn’t be vilified. 

 

Change How We React [33:12]

Luke and Susan didn’t intend for their book to be a self-help guide. But, Luke says just being aware of how we use technology and how we react to our feelings can shift our perspectives and remove the stigma of loneliness. Ultimately, it is up to us and the language we use with ourselves.

 

Emotions are not set in stone. We can change the way we feel about something. 

 

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Luke Fernandez

Dr. Susan Matt

Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stupid: Changing Feelings about Technology, from the Telegraph to Twitter

Jul 9, 2021

Marni welcomes the Creator of the Cooch and Gooch Ball, Jana Danielson. Jana’s health issues were the catalyst for her career shift. She transformed her life and became a wellness entrepreneur. She runs a series of integrated health therapy clinics and educates clients on pelvic floor fitness tools, including the Cooch Ball.  

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Holistic caring for the body as a system
  • The importance of breathing properly
  • Maintaining structural integrity
  • How the Cooch Ball can release your inner vixen

Integrated Health: Systems, Not Pieces [2:47]

Jana is passionate about teaching people to increase their health and wellness. She is all about being inspired by real women, understanding our bodies, and taking action to change the body from the inside out. 

She says health and wellness have been a 'pieces' approach. When we approach it this way we create asymmetries and dysfunction in the body. She adds that it is beneficial to consider our bodies as a series of systems. If we work on our systems, we can bring our mindset, our spirit, and our self-love into alignment. It starts from the inside and permeates out.

 

Pelvic Floor Fitness [7:25]

The diaphragm is the muscle that breathes for us. It is in the crest of the rib cage. And, the pelvic floor is the floor of our core, it is sexy and functional. They work in conjunction with each other. 

The more we suck in our guts and try to look a certain way we can disrupt normal body function.

Jana says one simple thing we can do is to become aware of our diaphragmatic breathing. Being conscious of our breath helps our bodies to function at an optimal level.

When inhaling, envision yourself picking up a grape with your vagina, and on the exhale set the grape down. Jana says it can change your life. Look beyond the Kegel, because it is a forced clench and release. This can play into the dysfunction because it creates tightness in the body.

How to maintain structural integrity and fitness as we age: 

  • Posture is critical to our musculature. 
  • Many constrictions are fitness issues, not medical issues. 

 

Cooch Ball [22:32]

Ten years ago Jana worked with a gynecologist in Reno to compare notes on how women could reveal, release, and rejuvenate themselves after childbirth or surgery. They worked together on the basic principles of a muscle needs nutrient-rich blood flow to flourish, and rewiring patterns and habits can be achieved through neuroplasticity, 

Jana played around with different-sized balls and rollers to create a tool and platform she could use to educate people about pelvic floor issues. She says the name Cooch Ball was designed to grab their attention. 

A pelvic floor tool is like a best friend. It helps to connect with your body spiritually and consciously. 

 

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Metta District

Cooch & Gooch Ball

Jul 2, 2021

Marni welcomes the Founder of the Fioneers into the Den. Jessica is a writer, speaker, coach, and author of the award-winning personal finance lifestyle blog, The Fioneers. Her lifestyle design program helps clients discover their values, design the life they want, and attain financial freedom.  Today, she shares the practices and strategies her clients use to shift their lives. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • How to discover your values
  • The formula for financial freedom
  • Rediscover joy
  • Get off auto-pilot to design the life you want

You Can Have the Life You Want [2:34]

Jessica describes lifestyle design as an iterative process, not a linear goal. It is the process of figuring out who you are, what you want, what your values are, and your strengths and limitations. This process allows you to dream big and then make a plan to make your dreams a reality.

She shares her journey of pivoting from a job she didn’t enjoy to becoming financially independent. When she started suffering emotional turmoil and panic attacks, she knew she had to leave her toxic job.

Ask yourself ‘What can I get my money to do to have the life I want right now?’ 

After ingesting as much financial information as could, Jessica realized she could use her money to live the life she wanted. 

You can have a lot of money or a little money and still know nothing about it.

 

Lifestyle Design [24:11]

Jessica started the process of making it a reality in her life. She took six months off from work. She removed everything from her life and then decided what she put back in. She made a financial plan and built up her emergency fund.

She advises starting by asking yourself what percentage of your day or week is doing something that you love and getting off auto-pilot.   

We don’t honor ourselves by doing the things we think we should be doing instead of what we want to be doing. 

 

Powerful tools to evoke action: 

  1. Meditation practice — Journaling and Yoga are useful.
  2. Rediscover joy — Do something every day that makes you happy.
  3. Make a list of the things you eliminate from your life to make your life better.

If you weren't burned out how would you be spending your time? 

 

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The Fioneers

Fioneers Coaching Program Waitlist

Jun 26, 2021

This episode of the Bachelorette features a never-before-seen moment in TV history. Fans who watched were able to celebrate Katie saying goodbye to the villain before the lame drama started, Nick Viall shows up for no reason, and guys expose vulnerable moments from their past.

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • The right time to discuss your past
  • Ask follow up questions for clarity
  • Why believe a guy when he tells you who he is
  • Guys getting vulnerable makes for good television

Sharing is Caring [1:44]

In this episode, Katie had a second date with a group of guys and asked them to share something vulnerable. Marni and Chris agree it was a great segment. Most of the guys sincerely shared very personal things they were ashamed of or bad choices they made. One guy got emotional and cried. 

Katie was compassionate and shared a vulnerable moment from her past. She explained why she is #sexpositive. 

When is it the right time to share your back story? Marni recommends sharing vulnerabilities on the third or fourth date. Don’t wait until you are six months to a year into a relationship. It’s too late.

 

Getting Rid of the Villian [11:24]

Even if the producers wanted to keep the drama high, Katie dumped Carl before he had a chance to wreak havoc.  A new contender for the dislikeable character award reared his head up though, Thomas. Instead of sharing something vulnerable, Thomas pushed his agenda by saying he is only on the show to build his platform. Both Marni and Chris agree that he put his cards on the table and was truthful about who he was but who he is doesn’t make good partner material.  

A mistake many women make is thinking they can change a guy or the chemistry is so amazing they don't really listen to when a guy tells them who he is. 

 

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Jun 25, 2021

In this episode of the Dating Den, Marni speaks with bestselling author Matthew Coast about what it takes to be a forever woman. In his book, The Forever Woman: Make Him See You as the Woman He Wants Forever,  he outlines the top three ways women become a person of value. He shares the important details in this conversation.  

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • How to be a woman of value
  • #1 things women do to not show their value
  • Biggest hurdles for men
  • Moving past your past
  • Dating in abundance

The Forever Woman Formula [2:51]

Guy after guy Matthew speaks with says they doubt they will ever find their forever woman. A poll shows that 87% of men want to find a woman they can settle down with but, they don't believe they will ever find her. 

One of the biggest hurdles for men is that they have other things in their way such as insecurities and stagnant patterns. It is difficult to break patterns that have been in place for decades. Men may avoid commitment or they may be scared to open up and not believe someone will love them for who they are. 

You can normally see someone's future if you look at the patterns of their past.

A man is more likely to put in extra effort if a woman seems valuable to him. The Forever Woman Formula is all about value:

  1. Believe in your value
  2. Position yourself in value
  3. Communicate your value

A woman who knows her value doesn’t get taken advantage of.           

What is a High-Value Woman  [25:18]

Matthew says it is obvious when a woman values herself. He recommends being in a position where men are competing for your love, attention, time, and commitment. He says when most women come to him they are concentrated on just one guy. Something that when gender-flipped, men call it 'one-itis' a disease for being stuck on one person who doesn't like you as much as you like them or isn't reciprocating in the way you want them to. 

Live in abundance, meaning being open to dating more than just one man.

 

  #1 Communication Issue for Women [31:14]

Matthew says many women are afraid to communicate what they want because they are scared they don't deserve it, or a man will freak out and run away. But, what women ultimately find is when they do speak their value certain guys run off but others, the high-quality guys step up.  

 

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Matthew Coast on Youtube

The Forever Woman: Make Him See You as the Woman He Wants Forever by Matthew Coast

Jun 19, 2021

This episode of the Bachelorette features a virgin, a best lover contest, and lots of tongue tennis. Marni and Chris discuss Katie’s questioning style, why it’s important not to rule someone out too soon, and early predictions of the challenges Katie faces this season. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Kissing and sex on TV, good or bad?
  • How to use open-ended questions to collect more data
  • Dating a guy with a fetish
  • It is refreshing to see people kiss with their eyes closed

I Wanna Be Your Lover  [1:13]

 In this episode, Katie played the ‘Best Lover’ game with the guys. Each guy had the opportunity to turn her on and to share an example of how they would be the best lover to her if they had a future together. 

Marni and Chris have different views about all of the spit swapping taking place on the show. Marni doesn’t mind watching the intimate moments but Chris thinks the kissing was gross. He says it is equivalent to watching fish in a barrel fighting over food pellets. He leans into the possibility that Greg is a good kisser, but watching the cat guy suck face was more than he could bear. At least, they both agree, that everyone closed their eyes unlike Matt James of the Bachelor.

Doesn’t it seem like these guys are nerdier than past Bachelorette studs of previous seasons?

Katie ended up giving the rose to Mike P., the virgin of the group and the honor of being tagged the greatest lover of all time. 

 

The 3 Date Rule  [10:16]

It’s not for everyone, but Katie goes camping with Greg for their first date. Chris and Marni agree it is a long time to spend with someone, especially if red flags appear. But, this is the Bachelorette and not exactly real-life dating. 

At Dating with Dignity, the team recommends clients go on three dates before ruling someone out. Everyone deserves a second chance and even if you are not enjoying yourself try using the date to practice and hone your dating skills. Maintain eye contact, practice listening, and be optimistic about the other person.  

On the show, Katie brings up her father’s death during the camping trip. Greg's reaction to what she shared was sweet but extremely subtle. Marni thought it was sweet. Chris and the guys watching the show with them thought his reaction meant Greg wasn’t into Katie, saying that the way he pulled back seemed like a red flag. Then later, Greg revealed his Dad also passed, changing Chris’ perception. Maybe Greg didn’t want to cry on camera? 

Going on three dates offers a guy the chance to open up and be vulnerable. Remember, there may be stuff below the surface we don't see at first glance.

 

  Questions and Curiosities [29:35]

Marni and Chris discuss the hard interview style Katie used when asking Cody about his character. Marni points out that ‘yes’ and ‘no’ questions only get you ‘yes’ and ‘no’ answers. So, say no to the checklist! A better dating strategy is to share a little something about yourself then ask a curious question, such as ‘Do you relate to that at all?’. Open-ended questions will extract more information and make the guy more willing to share his feelings.

Early predictions about Katie on this season of the Bachelorette:

  • She may have trouble collecting data about the guys.
  • She may be protecting herself and have her guard up.

 

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Jun 18, 2021

Marni welcomes body language and presence expert, Rachel Coosar into the Den to learn more about what men are thinking by reading their body language and non-verbal expressions. Rachel is responsible for the Choreography for Business program helping business leaders with performance in extremely high-pressure contexts. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • What non-verbal cues are you leaking
  • Better dates through body language
  • Aligning your body with how you feel 
  • Recognizing a player 
  • Dating after COVID

Non-verbal Cues and Leaking  [2:07]

Rachel shares how she uses her superpower of being a body language expert by taking people watching to the next level. She describes the process she uses to know more about the couples she sees in the wild. 

She says many people hyperfocus on the face and eye contact but when you can see someone's full body other cues are happening that provide more information. 

There are 7 Universal Expressions: 

  • Happiness
  • Sadness
  • Anger
  • Shock
  • Disgust
  • Contempt 
  • Surprise 

While people-watching, look for these cues to practice the art of reading a person’s body language. Do people lean in toward each other? Are the people relaxed, or are they over-exaggerating their body language trying to make their interest known? Rachel says women tend to use their upper body while men look deep into the woman’s eyes. 

Are the non-verbal cues you are exhibiting congruent with how you feel?

 

How to Align Your Body Language with How You Feel [9:45]

Marni’s leaking theory turns out to be a wider practice done by experts. Unconscious beliefs about ourselves or other people do leak into our conscious life. If we are insecure our insecurities can show up in our non-verbal expressions. and being guarded. 

If you are on a date and you are nervous, figure out where it is showing in your body. Are you fiddling with your jewelry, picking your nails, playing with a napkin or glass? Rachel says self-touch is something we can do to soothe ourselves. If you notice yourself fidgeting, express the energy you want by giving yourself some reassurance. Try stroking your arm while mentally noting that all is well. 

Myths about reading body language: 

  1. You can tell exactly what people are thinking.
  2. You can not adopt gestures or actions that send a specific message.

If it's not authentic, subconsciously people will notice something is off. 

 

Body Orientation for Better Dating [43:07]

Sitting directly across from the person you are dating is taking an adversarial position. Rachel says if that person is potentially a partner try sitting at the bar so you both are shoulder to shoulder facing inward. Or, if you are at a table, orient your body a little sideways, angled toward the other person.  If your intuition makes you angle away from them it could be a red flag. 

 

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Rachel Cossar's Links:

Website 

Programs 

Free Communication Power Hour workshops

Amazon book page

Jun 12, 2021

Marni and Chris are back to dish about the newest season of the Bachelorette. Katie Thurston was a contestant on the Matt James Bachelor season and is now in the hot seat and looking for a life-long partner. She is authentic, playful, and #SexPositive. Let’s dive into the dating lessons that came out of the first episode of the new season.

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • What being #sexpositive means
  • How to be gracious when a guy is awkward
  • Getting clear about your type
  • The thoughtful gimmicks that worked on Katie

What Being #SexPositive Means  [1:51]

Bachelorette Katie Thurston was on the Matt James Bachelor season. She brought the vibrator to the limo introduction. Know we get to know more about Katie and what she means when she declares herself #SexPositive. 

Marni and Chris discuss how #SexPositive means you can do what you want and still feel good about being you. There is still resistance from some groups who hold on to the double standard that men can sleep around but, if a woman does it, she is slutty. 

If you sleep with someone on the first date, does it ruin your chances at a long-term relationship?

Marni says when you wake up the next day and you still love yourself no matter what happened the night before, that is #SexPositivity. But, she cautions having sex with someone for the wrong reasons such as you think you will get them, you think that if you don't they will not want to see you again, or you feel shitty afterward, or he doesn't call and you beat yourself up. That is not dating with dignity. 

 

          Guys Get Awkward on First Dates Too [11:14]

Chris admits guys get nervous before first dates too. And, it is especially scary for guys to reach over and make the first kiss. He advises giving the guy a break much like Katie did with the guys who were nervous and sweating when meeting her. Remember, it is a produced show with lights, cameras, and crew all standing around. It can be unnerving. 

The rule of thumb is to rule people in before you rule people out. 

 

Does Bachelorette Katie Have a Type? [20:19]

At the beginning of the show, Katie says doesn't really have a type and  she is open to meeting all types of people but Marni recalls when one of the bachelors got out of the limo Katie said, “OMG, that guy is totally my type.” 

Marni questions Chris about possible predictions about Katie’s type based on her backstory and childhood. It was clear she longs to fit in, Chris says. He adds, she might act tough or be secretly sensitive and then asks Marni if she feels Katie is ready to identify, appreciate, and nurture a long-term partner.

Marni likes Katie’s authenticity and playfulness but it is simply too early to tell how she will date. She says we, the audience, had our first date with Katie last night too. Marni speculates that Katie may want someone to fall in love with her because of her desire to belong or she may be interested in the fixer-upper type of guy. 

 

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Jun 11, 2021

Marni speaks with an expert in love and intimacy who is known as the queen of juicy love. Stacey Murphy is a recovering perfectionist who helps professional women get out of the competitive self and integrate love, sex, and money into a powerful cocktail.

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • Top 3 reasons relationships fail
  • How dating and relationships can be fun
  • Feminine and masculine dynamics
  • Nature versus nurture

Top 3 Reasons Relationships Fail [2:01]

 

Both men and women have masculine and feminine energies. As women, it is in our nature to lean more into our feminine and for males to lean more into their masculine. Modern society has conditioned and programmed many women to lean into their masculine in order to further their career aspirations.

 

Expert, Stacey Murphy says these three things are the top reasons relationships fail: 

 

  1. Incompatibility — People not understanding their true nature or the nature of other people when entering a relationship. 

 

  1. Money — Many people go into a relationship with existing money issues. 

 

  1. Sex — People can be closed off sexually, have a fetish, or are afraid of being truly seen. 

 

When we get hunkered down into only seeing things the way we see them and neither partner wants to budge, but we still want to be in a relationship with our partner it can cause incompatibility. To overcome this, Stacey recommends trying to understand the other person’s nature versus their nurture.

 

The need to be right. It can prevent us from hearing the truth. When we come from a place of unhealed wounds, we can be anchored in our beliefs but it may not be our true nature. 

 

As a woman are you in your feminine power, or your nature? Are you reacting to your conditioning, programming, or environment? Or, are you in your true nature? 

 

          Lead with Your Strengths [17:21]

 

It may be a generalization, but men view money as a stepping stone to get them to the next part or phase of life. Men gamble with money more, they invest it differently and they have a different attitude about the role money plays in their life. 

 

Many women view money from the viewpoint of safety and security. They want to hold on to it. Stacey advises women not to hoard their money or hold on to it because the scarcity mentality can cause strife in a relationship. 

 

Professional women, earn whatever you want to earn just be careful not to emasculate your partner if you earn more money. Because it can torpedo your relationship toward incompatibility and money issues. 

 

Relationships are about collaboration, not competition. 

 

The 4 Pillars of Love [17:21]

 

Stacey explains how the four pillars of love connect to the man code formula and the secret to understanding men. And, how women can match themselves to a man. 

 

The four pillars of love are:

 

  1. Mental
  2. Emotional
  3. Physical
  4. Sexual

 

Just like the four legs of a chair, the ‘legs’ of a relationship can be a little off-balance or off-kilter,  but if one leg is broken the chair or relationship will fall. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

The Vixen Academy

Jun 9, 2021

Marni speaks with an expert in love and worthiness, former Miss USA, Terri Britt. Terri is a spiritual coach who works with women to increase their worthiness quotient. She is an award-winning author of the book, The Enlightened Mom and offers Dating Den listeners a free ebook. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Why women feel not good enough
  • Raise emotional vibrations to feel worthy of love
  • Attract a loving and supportive partner
  • Unblock your passion

Getting Off the Hamster Wheel [3:01]

As children, we closely observe our parents, and we mimic them. Most parents unknowingly use statements that make children feel not enough. Statements such as, in order to get that you must do this. Children then subconsciously take on the belief they are not enough.  We grow up believing we have to prove our worth. 

Terri shares her journey through relationships and love. She dated Wayne Newton at the height of his career and gave him power over her because she was grasping for love. After her personal transformation, when she finally took a stand for loving herself and clearing out old energy, she saw all the reasons he was bad for her.

Marni makes the point that when we start to do the inside work, all of our exes seem to come back into our lives. It’s a kind of litmus test where we have to make better choices for ourselves. The unhealthy dynamic is gone and we can see how much we have developed personally. 

Our spirits are here to go on a journey. People come into our lives to show us things we need to learn. 

 

Raising Vibrations & Worthiness [21:04]

Terri says our thoughts emit vibrations. Whatever vibrations we hold are what the universe sends us in return.  It is what we attract. Terri wanted passion in her life so she kept holding the vision, even though she didn’t know how it would manifest. 

If we want to feel worthy, we have to love and nurture ourselves. We have to get rid of the belief that something is wrong with us. 

Terri says women tend to grasp at trying to find a person to be in our lives. They put up a facade because we do not feel enough. But, she adds, we are missing the boat because we are energetically sending out that who we are is not enough. We send mixed vibrations out into the world. If we perform, believing we need to act a certain way to be worthy of love, we attract things that are not loving, supportive, nurturing, or beautiful. 

When you stop performing, you take back the authority of your life and you become a woman leader. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

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Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Terri Britt

Terri Britt on Facebook

Women Leaders of Love — Free Ebook

May 28, 2021

Marni speaks with Certified Financial Planner Sean Fitts about how he works with smart, professional women to create financial freedom and independence so they can get everything they want from life. If you are single, divorced, or widowed, Sean offers important money tips and insights you need to know about.

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Understanding money basics
  • Be confident about money
  • The freedom of making smart financial decisions
  • Asking questions about money when dating
  • Must-have money conversations with potential partners

Understanding the Basics [2:24]

First and foremost, no matter what their relationship status is women need to understand money basics, says Sean. It is OK to delegate more in-depth monetary transactions but knowing the basics will keep a bank account from being overdrawn and, more importantly, provide financial security. 

 

Don't be afraid to say "I don't know what that means”  when talking to a trusted advisor about financial planning. 

The golden rule of financial security is to have a minimum of three months of what you spend, in cash and available to you in the event of an unintended major life event. Sean says, if you are single, protect your income with disability or job loss insurance.

 

Divorces and Deaths [21:04]

Sometimes life throws us relationship curveballs. And, finances can change drastically as relationships change. Sean advises women to not make any major financial decisions or changes soon after a life shift. The goal is creating financial stability to help sort through the noise of the well-meaning people in our lives. Find your own voice and refrain from making emotionally-based money decisions. 

 

Dating and Money Fundamentals [21:04]

Money is important to talk about while dating. Sean says unless you want to raise a child, a man should be able to pay his own way. If you value financial security, it is important to ask money questions early because financial decisions affect every long-term relationship.  

 

Many men believe they will work until they die. Financial planning is about more than having an income. 

 

The right guy is willing to have money conversations because they want the same things from a relationship.  

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Sean Fitts

Sean Fitts on LinkedIn

Your Wealth 360

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