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Life Check Yourself

Each week on the podcast, I’ll be interviewing the world’s top experts in attraction, dating, communication, sex, and relationships, as well as coaching real women LIVE, through their real-life dating challenges… that are probably a lot like yours!
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Sep 24, 2022

Marni and Chris discuss the fired-up season finale of the Bachelorette 2022. Marni is a bit perturbed about how it seems women on the show can do no wrong and making the guys look like villains is acceptable. Rachel tears into Tino after learning of an indiscretion and then breaks up with him. Then, Gabby turns the other cheek and gives Erich a fighting chance even after learning about his offenses.

 

Takeaways:

 

  • Tips for breaking up when it is the right thing to do

  • How to question someone with empathy

  • Owning up to an indiscretion

  • Compassion and Forgiveness

 

The Rachel-Tino Breakup [2:39]

 

The projection of Rachel as the queen and making Tino appear to be the villain undermines all the good communication and healthy relationship advice Marni has ever taught. Rachel didn’t handle the breakup with dignity. Tino was trying so hard to express himself but he just couldn’t get there. Rachel was emotionally unavailable and Tino felt insecure. So Tino goes out and kisses someone else.

 

It is not OK that Tino kissed someone else.

 

Rachel couldn't identify the problem to work with Tino to solve it. She was triggered and couldn't communicate.

 

People on Twitter are beating up Tino about having a journal. Marni says Tino acknowledged what he did, validated Rachel, and then apologized for his actions. When she doesn’t accept his apology she breaks up with him and then instantly regrets her actions. It was unnecessarily painful.

 

Break Up Tips [24:59]

 

Sometimes people need to break up. All relationships are not meant to be. Chris reminds everyone the contestants are real people with real feelings. Most people, especially online, have disregarded Tino’s feelings. Did Tino just want to win and crush it? As one user observed, did he realize he wouldn’t become the Bachelor?

 

Rachel had a unique opportunity to be empathic and asked Tino what was going on. She could have questioned his motives for kissing the other girl, but she didn’t. Chris says Rachel took it personally and was angry. Neither Rachel nor Tino could regulate themselves or manage their emotions.

 

If you are going in a circle with your partner and can’t seem to resolve your issues, maybe it is time to do work independent of each other.

 

Gabby and Erich [40:28]

 

The producers of the show needed a hero so badly that they ignored all of Erich’s misgivings. Luckily Erich and Gabby seem like they like each other. Gabby appreciated Erich’s honesty and told him so. Rachel should have had a similar conversation with Tino.

 

Gabby accepts that Erich isn’t perfect but is still willing to have a relationship.

 

Compassion and forgiveness are the keys to love.

 

Make a Connection:

 

Sep 23, 2022

Marni welcomes Eva Selhub into the Life Check Yourself Studio. Beyond having explanatory superpowers, Eva is a Board Certified Physician, Speaker, Scientist, Author, and Executive Leadership and Performance Coach who served as an Instructor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School. She specializes in Corporate Wellness and Resilience. She provides clients the guidance to use their powerful gifts to translate complex information and make it practical and usable.

 

Takeaways:

 

  • Six Pillars to Cultivating Resilience

  • How to make decisions in your best interest

  • Choosing joy and curiosity

  • Accepting the dark and light sides of ourselves

 

The Keys to Faith & the Mechanics of Resilience

 

In Eva’s books, she describes her struggles and how she looks at them as opportunities for growth, and change. It’s what resilience is all about, she says. Feeling knocked down for being a woman in academia, she found herself in a male-oriented, structured box. She recognized others were threatened by her and her ideas. They thought she was too much, too loud, too everything.

 

Eva says for her it is about growth, exploration, love, richness, curiosity, and creativity. She chose joy, and passion, and was smart about it.

 

Eva says the question of what we are supposed to be doing is a construct created by a man. In the past, men thought women were supposed to be domesticated, wear dresses, have children, and play a certain role.

 

Women can get caught up in doing everything they believe will help them get what they want, but do they really know what they want?

 

It’s important to honor and have compassion for your feelings, both positive and negative. In a negative mindset, we lose access to our acquired skill set and inherent tools. We lose access to the support that can raise us up and out of the negativity.

 

6 Pillars to Help Cultivate Resilience

 

Resilience is a double-edged sword. It has a dark side and a bright side. The dark side is burnout. It is when we keep getting hit over and over again (much like we did during the pandemic). The bright side of resilience is called flourishing, or a state of flow. Eva created the Six Pillars to Help Cultivate Resilience to help people understand how to make opportunities out of their struggles.

 

Ask yourself — Am I fueling myself to thrive or die?

 

The body whispers before it screams and it whispers through our senses.

 

Energy & Vibration Are Everything

 

If we believe in the law of attraction, or manifestation, then we know everything is about vibration, aka energy. Eva says if we want to find out why we might be stuck in old-seated beliefs that either come from our upbringing, meditations and healings can reprogram our underlying belief system until it no longer exists.

 

When we embrace the light we begin attracting different circumstances and relationships.

 

Make a Connection:

 

Sep 17, 2022

Marni, Chris Gillis, and Dr. Emily discuss the emotional trainwreck that was last week’s Bachelorette. Beyond Rachel and Gabby needing therapy, they believe the guys who are left to be high-quality guys. Lessons strained out of the cold soup that was this episode include being realistic about what makes a good, long-term relationship and being present when important milestones are happening.

 

Takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Be clear about what you want early in a relationship

  • Always ask the follow-up question — What do you mean exactly?

  • How to spot a high-quality guy

  • Feeling lovable even when you have childhood trauma

 

It’s All About Expectations [1:30]

 

Marni points out that this episode brings to light something many people struggle with — Making sure the person they are interested in has the same expectations and is looking for the same thing as they are. And, the importance of always asking the follow-up question — What do you mean by that exactly?

 

During this episode, we find out that five of the six guys don’t want to be engaged. The contestants seem to believe that winning is what is important and the connection with the other person doesn’t seem to matter. Case in point, Rachel’s mind is melting because she just wants a proposal.

 

Sometimes we get attached to what we think we want and we are not being present to what is actually happening.

 

There are two seemingly high-quality guys making a reasonable ask of Rachel. They want to see where she lives first. Aven passionately says he is not rejecting Rachel but she doesn't seem to be listening to him. Rachel told her family she was not going home until she was engaged. Dr. Emily says Aven seemed like the perfect guy but Rachel rejected him because he wouldn’t decide within 48 hours.

 

Rachel needs some training on how to be empathetic, how to be more direct, and how to speak her needs without manipulating guys.

 

Conflict in a relationship can be healthy but you need to know how to get back to compatibility.

 

Gabby Can’t Prove She is Lovable [18:51]

 

Just the slightest bit of love and attention becomes overwhelming to Gabby. Even though she seems hell-bent on proving how unlovable she is, Dr. Emily says Gabby's identity is so tightly tied to her trauma and wounding that every action she takes is colored by her limiting core belief.

 

It’s impossible to find someone to fill the hole in your soul.

 

Gabby regurgitates her limiting beliefs too many times for her to ever break free of them. Chris says she may need too many hours of therapy before she can handle her 50% of a relationship.

 

Why Did Gabby and Rachel Not Find Love? [29:35]

 

Marni poses the question — Why did Rachel and Gabby end up with guys who are not ready to commit to a relationship?

 

Chris thinks it was rushed. He says that everyone loves Gabby but she can’t shake her issues of not knowing what to make of being loved. Marni thinks Rachel only chooses guys who choose her. It may feel safe to her because she knows the guys are already interested. Dr. Emily thinks Aven is a high-quality dude that Rachel isn’t ready for.

 

Be clear about what you want and ask for it early on in a relationship.

 

Make a Connection:

Sep 16, 2022

Marni welcomes Certified Master Coach Angie Hooper into the Life Check Studio to talk about letting things go. Angie shows professionals proven strategies to get to the roots of their stress, make values-based decisions, and make great relationships with their customers. She worked 20-plus years in corporate America for international publicly-traded companies. She shares how we can let go of past regrets, build mastery over stress, and unlock our intuition.

 

Takeaways from this episode:

 

  • The path to forgiveness

  • How to say I’m sorry

  • Transform a pain story into a hero’s story

  • Waiting for an apology is a waste of time

  • Is justice really revenge?

 

The Forgiveness Path [3:10]

 

Angie created the forgiveness path when she was working with a client who was extremely angry at her ex-husband. The client couldn’t focus on the task at hand because a cloud of anger was getting in the way. Angie says we all may know that “forgive and forget” is commonly suggested during times of resentment; many people don’t realize how freeing it is.

 

Her client was putting all of her spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical energy into the past. It left very little energy left for the present or the future. She was giving someone else her power.

 

Our suffering does not impact the amount of suffering someone else endures.

Waiting for an Apology is a Waste of Time [13:19]

 

Waiting for an apology gives away control over our emotional state. We often give away our power to someone who has proven they don’t have our best interest at heart. They don’t deserve our power! When we get on the forgiveness path we pull back our power.

 

We judge apologies and the sincerity level of the apologizer.

 

When we are the injured party, insincere apologies can reinjure us. We judge the size of our pain against the size of the apology. When we do the forgiveness work we can make a clear decision about a path forward. A myth people have about forgiveness is thinking that it involves more than just them.

 

Achieving Forgiveness [23:10]

 

Angie says that a good way to get clear about what we need to forgive is to remember that the person we want to forgive probably remembers the same story differently.

 

Transform a pain story into a hero’s story.

 

Letting go of our need to be right will get us unstuck more deeply and faster than anything else we can do. We need to be willing to free ourselves by separating ourselves from our need to be right or win.

 

Make a Connection:

 

 

Sep 10, 2022

Chris Gillis and Dr. Emily join Marni to talk about what could be the best episode of the Bachelorette in a decade. Marni was at the edge of her seat. When the characters don’t play by the rules it causes conflict and breaks the format in a new way. Gabby’s plan is upended by her own insecurities, Jason just wants followers, and Rachel doesn’t have an authentic bone in her body.

 

Takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Quit sabotaging your relationships

  • How to spot a player who thinks he is a quality casual.

  • Rachel becomes the female Clayton.

  • Don’t make excuses, just tell a guy you are not interested.

 

Gabby Sabotages Herself

 

Gabby claims she is looking for a long-term relationship but she can’t seem to get out of her own way. While she recognizes her fear of being unlovable, she is creating her reality by wallowing in self-doubt.

 

Johnny and Jason are both out. Johnny freely admits he is a player who is not looking to be engaged. Jason, on the other hand, is a player who pretends he is a quality casual guy.

 

Chris’s theory is that Gabby got what was coming to her. She accepted the crumbs Jason tossed out and didn’t ask for more because she doesn’t feel worthy of love. She led with her guard up and almost predicted that guys would leave her and that is what is happening.

 

Gabby is a poster child for what not to do in dating.

The Fakest Faker — Rachel

 

Even though the internet doesn’t agree, Marni and Chris understand that Rachel is the female Clayton. Zach calls her inauthentic, probably because she oozes fakeness. She has led Zach on only to call him out about his age at the rose ceremony.

 

It is clear Rachel will not choose Zach. Dr. Emily questions what Rachel gets out of it and why she leads him on if she is not into him. Chris sternly advises women to not put a guy through that type of run-around. Don’t make lame excuses or put insincere obstacles in his way. Just be honest about how you feel and let a guy heal.

 

Rachel needs to get over herself. She wants everyone to be in love with her.

 

Rachel will probably choose Tino. Marni thinks he has been in love with Rachel since their first kiss.

 

Make a Connection:

 

Sep 9, 2022

Marni welcomes Dr. Megan Rossi, aka The Gut Health Doctor, into the Life Check Yourself studio. As a Registered Dietician, Dr. Rossi is one of the most influential gut health specialists in the world. She is a nutritionist, a leading research fellow at King’s College in London, and the founder of the Gut Health Clinic. Her book, The Gut Health Doctor: An Easy-to-Digest Guide to Health from the Inside Out, is a must-read for those looking to be their best self.

 

Takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Nourishing the brain through the gut

  • Health benefits of pre and probiotics

  • Should we eat superfoods?

  • Tips for adding plants to a diet

 

How Food Connects to Our Emotional Wellbeing [2:10]

 

Nutrition has systemic benefits for every organ in our body. Gut bacteria do more than people realize. So what we feed them has a direct cause on how they can help us. Nutritionists today understand much better than in the past the connection between the gut and the brain. Hence the term gut instinct.

 

Food can not only taste amazing it can also do amazing things for the body.

Megan shares the key principles of her book, How to Eat More Plants, and explains the difference between prebiotics and probiotics.

 

30-Plant Points a Week [12:07]

 

Megan shares findings from a U.S. research study that found people who ate more than 30 different plants a week had better gut health than those that ate the same ten veggies on repeat. It didn’t matter if the person was a vegan or omnivore. It was the plant diversity that made the difference. Each different type of plant has hundreds of benefits for different gut bacteria.

 

If you only ate superfoods you would limit your bacterial diversity.

 

Tips for Adding Extra Plants to a Diet [22:19]

 

In her book, The Gut Health Doctor: An Easy-to-Digest Guide to Health from the Inside Out, Megan offers tips and tricks that help add more plants to a diet. It includes a 28-day plant challenge, how to consume legumes without bloating, and recipes that add plants to everyday meals without a hassle.

 

Make a Connection:

 

 

Sep 3, 2022

Marni and Chris Gillis break down the ad-laden, commercial-driven, brand partner extravaganza that was this week’s Bachelorette. Fortunately, there were some important dating nuggets in the show for Marni to extract but for the most part, after watching viewers felt compelled to book a cruise with a Kardashian.

 

Takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Dating 101: Lead with you, not your children if you have them

  • Say what you feel when you feel it

  • Get rejection-proof

  • Men aren’t as well-versed in being emotionally vulnerable

 

Nate the Great [4:03]

 

During the episode, Gabby breaks up with Nate because she doesn’t want to be a mom or think she will be a good mom. Marni gives kudos to Nate for not trying to change Gabby’s mind. That is just not something you can change somebody’s mind about. Nate said that his daughter is his light and he wants someone who will share that. He wants someone who wants to be a mom.

 

But, in the past, Nate dated someone and didn’t tell them he had a kid. Chris asks Marni what a good time frame is for people dating to bring up their children and strategies for how to weave it into the conversation.

 

Marni shares why she loved Nate’s response when he was asked about it and her thoughts on DWC or Dating with Children.

 

If you have kids and are dating, lead with yourself.

What Are You Waiting For? [18:25]

 

Everyone, including the producers, is trying to make Logan a bad guy. All he did was regret not saying how he felt when he felt it. Should he have bowed out before the rose ceremony? Yes, probably. But, based on the preview for next week’s episode, Johnny and Jason are more guilty for not sharing what they are feeling. Will they really tell Gabby they are not ready for a relationship? They signed up for The Bachelorette!

 

Ladies, make sure the guy you are with has the same relationship goals.

 

Logan did leave the rose ceremony to go and talk with Gabby. Rachel took it personally. If Logan had told her before the ceremony, it wouldn’t have been such a huge deal. If you can date and be rejection-proof to the point of being rejected and knowing it is not about you, then you are gold.

 

Men Need Support Too [27:15]

 

Chris definitely has an issue with the double standards on the show. Tyler is feeling particularly safe and shows his vulnerability, only to be rejected by Rachel and then everyone asks if the girls are okay. The men need some support too. They are putting themselves out there and trying to be emotionally vulnerable. Chris says “give them a break.”

 

Reality TV audiences can be unforgiving when it comes to giving men a break after making relationship mistakes. Men are good at a lot of things but navigating emotional waters is difficult.

 

Make a Connection:

 

 

Sep 2, 2022

Marni is joined by a client who had her entire life change in six months. Sherry was a self-proclaimed type-A perfectionist who would beat herself up. She admits that before last year’s Ignite Your Life event, she couldn’t envision how good her life could be. Now she has a partner who shares her vision.

 

Takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Inner child work

  • Raising the bar of what is possible

  • Becoming rejection-proof

  • Leaning into a vision

  • How to live courageously

 

That Was Then [1:26]

 

Sherry says she had done a lot of personal development work before discovering the last Ignite Your Life 3-day workshop. She was not in a content place. She had been dating someone from work who ghosted her despite them seeing each other every day.

 

She couldn’t seem to let go of the hurt and rejection she felt. She was stuck. She knew she needed to get over it but couldn’t quite get there no matter how much she tried. She went to different coaches to try to shift things until she signed up for Ignite Your Life.

 

Sherry made a mental commitment to make the most of the program. She recalls Marni telling her the program would work if she allowed it to work. Marni made it clear that it was an internal job even though Sherry often sought external solutions.

 

Sherry admits to struggling with self-worth and self-confidence. She had previously been in a relationship with someone emotionally abusive, then was single for eight years. She had a fear of getting into a relationship and being trapped, coping strategies from her childhood.

 

Don’t look for an external solution for an internal job.

In Just Six Months, Sherry’s Life was Ignited [10:55]

 

Some people may sign up for the Ignite Your Life event with the sole purpose of attracting love and finding a partner. It was something Sherry often thought of. After the first day, Sherry realized it was bigger than that. It would be more about falling in love with herself, being comfortable in her skin, and becoming rejection-proof.

 

She created a profile on Match.com even though she was opposed to online dating. She decided to be open to everyone because she didn’t know if her old patterns were still leading her life. She knew she had to trust her intuition.

 

Sherry Life Checked Herself [21:45]

 

Marni asks Sherry to offer one piece of advice to other women, Sherry says to consider how mean you are to yourself. Are you showing up as a sum of your core wounds?

 

When we are in a place of limitation and have a low bar about what is possible we can’t see how good life can be.

 

Sherry now has a reference point and knows what her vision feels like in her body. Without the learnings, she gained from the event, everything would have felt out of reach. She became empowered to bridge the gap between where she was and where she wanted to go.

 

Make a Connection:

 

 

Aug 27, 2022

Marni is joined by Chris Gillis and Dr. Emily to discuss the Hometown episode of the Bachelorette. Everyone on the internet is wondering why this season is such a letdown. What started as somewhat interesting has turned into a car wreck. You don’t want to look but you can’t turn away. Let’s find out how Gabby and Rachel navigated their guys’ families on their turf.

 

Takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Get clear about your values and vision
  • Trying on guys to see what fits
  • Things to communicate early in dating
  • Stop taking things personally

 

Gabby Hometown [1:50]

 

Each contestant has the option of visiting the hometown of four guys. Gabby only chose to do three hometowns and is making quite the stir about it. She never lets on about why she didn’t meet four families but it may imply she already knows who she is choosing as her partner.

 

Marni questions why two of the guys, Jason and Johnny, who got all the way to this point tell their parents they don't think they can marry Gabby in the near future. Gabby insists she is ready for a long-term relationship.

 

When you are ambivalent or unclear about your vision and core values you will attract people who are the same.

 

Gabby displays a pinkish flag when she asks Jason’s family if there is a side of Jason that she isn’t seeing. Dr. Emily points out that the three guys Gabby has chosen are vastly different types of guys. Is Gabby trying on different types of guys to see what fits her best?

 

Marni says Gabby is amazing and needs to get over her feelings of being broken.

 

Gabby tells Erich she is falling in love with him!

 

Rachel Hometown [15:18]

 

While Rachel took advantage of all four of her hometown opportunities, she should have saved Tyler time, energy, and heartbreak and skipped his. For their date, Tyler had all of his friends at the hot dog stand and Rachel tells him goodbye. Dr. Emily thinks Rachel wanted to be interested in Tyler but just couldn't get there.

 

It’s a bummer Tyler said I love you before Rachel broke up with him. Her communication skills definitely need some work. She is such a people pleaser she prolonged the news for much too long. She should have given Tyler a little more respect.

 

If a guy is great on paper but you are not into him and this happens over and over again, you need to Life Check Yourself!

 

Of the three guys left, Marni and Dr. Emily believe Rachel should choose Zach. He may be plain vanilla but he shows the most promise. But she is likely to choose Tino even after the somewhat defeating hometown visit with him.

 

Did Tino’s family know he went on a reality show? Considering they think the concept of a reality dating show is silly. Rachel reacts victimy and takes their comments personally choosing to believe that it is more about her than the concept.

 

Will Gabby bow out and leave the crown to Rachel?

 

Make a Connection:

Aug 26, 2022

Marni is joined by Mindset Manifestation Coach, Efia Sulter. Efia is a content creator with good vibes. She empowers ambitious women to stop playing small and access their innate magic to have an expansive reality to live the life they want, not the life they feel they are supposed to. Fully surrender to manifest the future you’ve always wanted.

 

Takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Common myths about manifestation
  • Why setting intentions is the second step in manifestation
  • Creating strong boundaries
  • Balancing masculine and feminine energy
  • Don’t fake it til you make it

 

Circumstance Does Not Define Us [1:40]

 

Efia says as a teenager, she believed she wanted to have a “normal” life that mirrored everyone else she knew. In her 20s, she discovered she did not like living her life based on what everyone else did or had and transformed herself into a person who would live life on her own terms. She says the question that changed her life was “Who do I want to be?”

 

A common misconception about manifestation is that there is a reward system or end goal associated with it.

 

Manifestation is more than doing the things you are supposed to be doing or what other people tell you to do. It is about considering what you feel or what you want to create.

 

Arrival Fallacy & Manifesting What You Want [8:19]

 

Arrival fallacy is the belief that happiness will only come when we achieve a goal or reach a destination. But, being in the moment and celebrating who we are in the present is what should be savored in life.

 

Efie describes the beauty of the journey IS the icing on the cake of life. Attaching personal worth and identity to outcomes, it is easy to forget the beauty of now.

 

Mantra: I surrender the outcome because I know whatever happens I will be okay.

 

The more we can tap into the feeling of trusting our intuition, trusting the guidance, and having faith in something unseen, that is how we manifest in our lives. We can unlock the codes to success and happiness.

 

The Vibes Method [19:40]

 

Elia describes her Vibes method. In it, she assists clients in creating a personal manifestation blueprint. She says many people start their manifestation process by setting intentions. The first step of the Vibe method is embodying the vibe of our higher self. Doing this step first keeps us anchored to our intentions, keeps us on our path, and ensures our intentions are in integrity with what we want to create.

 

Everything in life can have intentionality to it!

 

Make a Connection:

Aug 20, 2022

Marni and Chris break down episodes 1‒5 of the latest season of the Bachelorette. Gabby and Rachel may not be as mature as some of the guy contestants. Tyler is young but so manly, Tino is the frontrunner, and Zach is too nice for Rachel. Eric, Jason, and Johnny are all Gabby has left. Listen in for all the other juicy nuggets derived from this season and prepare for next week’s Hometown segment.

 

Takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Navigating relationship conflict

  • The downside of self-doubt

  • How sexy should a date be

  • Using King and Queen to describe a date

  • Genuinely loving the person you versus just liking the attention they give you

 

Bachelorette [3:25]

 

Chris and Marni are now into week 5 of the Bachelorette and it seems to be Groundhog day. The same situations, the same conversations, and the same old issues are starting to wear on viewers. Gabby continues to stress out and Rachel still has no self-confidence. When will it end? When will the ladies work through their issues and grow up?

 

Understanding your wants and needs about having children is something you have clarity about before actively dating. Plus, Marni says don’t date someone who doesn’t share this value with you. This is something that can come back to bite you, no matter how much you think you made yourself clear.

Rachel & Her Career [18:20]

 

Rachel is a successful career woman. She actively brings up her career but in a weird way. When she asks Tyler, he says that he will happily stay at home with the kids and let her be the breadwinner. Chris feels like Tyler was just trying to be agreeable and maybe not sincere about his offer to take care of everything.

 

Marni wants to know why Rachel is seemingly strong and courageous but when it comes to being rejected or in doubt about a guy she falls into “I’m not good enough” and self-doubt. Where is her resilience and fortitude in personal situations? It may be because she focuses on what she doesn’t have and not what she has. It will take a toll on her dating life.

 

How Sexy Should a Date Be? [23:39]

 

The Bachelorette took the sexy too far with the armpit-smelling and whipped cream nipple scenes. It was so uncouth that Marni admits to fast-forwarding through the scenes. Tantric sex workshops and watching sexy movies are not good first dates. Sexy talk does not set a relationship up with its best foot forward.

 

Based on the language of the contestants on the show, it is unnecessary to call each other King or Queen when dating. Even though these terms bleed over from the ultra-romantic Latin culture, it doesn’t fit into everyday dating situations. Marni and Chris agree that King and Queen are now throwaway words and should carry more weight.

 

Are you happy with the man you are with or do you just like the attention?

 

Make a Connection:

 

 

Aug 19, 2022

Marni welcomes a certified Applied Neurology Practitioner who moves people out of pain, unwanted behavior, and stress response. Elisabeth Kristof is the founder of Brain-Based Wellness, an online platform that trains your nervous system and body to resolve old patterns, improve performance, and increase your well-being.

 

Takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Tools to regulate the nervous system

  • How to modify attachment styles

  • What a well-functioning nervous system looks like

  • How to respond instead of reacting

 

Regulating the Nervous System [2:03]

 

It is normal for humans to experience stress; by design, we are not supposed to be even-keel all the time. The problem comes when we get stuck in chronic states of stress and threat responses. It causes our nervous system to pump out hormones like cortisol and adrenaline which are not intended to be long-term solutions.

 

Too much stress for too long comprises the nervous system.

 

Elisabeth describes the different fear-stress responses our bodies go into and how they are translated into everyday life, including dating. These responses are reactive. We don’t consciously consider our actions during an extreme stress response. This can make us seem CRA. It triggers unhealthy love bonds we formed in childhood.

 

All behavior and attachment styles are survival-driven. This is how our brain keeps us healthy and safe.

A Well-Functioning Nervous System [16:42]

 

A well-functioning nervous system is able to modulate and change from different states. It should be able to accurately interpret real threats from a non-threatening situation. A well-functioning nervous system properly interprets threats, then produces an appropriate output.

 

A dysregulated nervous system keeps us stuck. It causes us to overeat, for our thoughts to be cloudy, and other drastic responses that don’t depict who we really are and what we really feel.

 

What does life look like when we are not constantly regulating our nervous systems to get back to baseline?

 

How Applied Neurology Reduces Stress [22:21]

 

Elisabeth practices Applied Neurology. Applied Neurology is the latest in brain science transformed into practical, actionable practices. It helps her clients take care of their operating systems by giving them good stimuli that create a new normal. She shares a practice we can do anywhere to help us regulate our nervous systems so we don’t react in a manner inconsistent with our personality.

 

Giving ourselves a positive stimulus for 3‒5 minutes helps the body discharge stress.

 

Make a Connection:

 

Aug 12, 2022

Marni and Chris Gillis celebrate the best dating and relationship tips gleaned from the finale of Love Island and the new Bachelorette. If you haven’t finished bingeing on Love Island yet, you will hear some spoilers.

 

Dating takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Overcoming relationship challenges

  • Repairing trust

  • Building connections

  • The issues that come from taking things personally

  • Becoming rejection-proof

 

Love Island Recap

 

Spoiler Alert — If you are still watching Love Island episodes on Hulu, skip ahead to the Bachelorette recap!

 

One of the reasons Marni likes Love Island is that for eight weeks the couples get a chance to build connections, resolve conflicts, repair trust, and set boundaries. Few other reality shows allow couples to have this extended time together and it mirrors what we all might experience in real-life dating.

 

The last few episodes highlight how struggles or bumps in the road can bring couples closer together. It is how they navigate the conflict and resolve it that allows for a stronger bond on the other side.

 

Tasha and Andrew were great examples of the transformation that can happen when couples are there for each other. Tasha no longer pines for external validation because Andrew fought for her.

 

When dating you will encounter people who judge your choices. Having healthy boundaries and trusting your gut can help you through.

 

The Bachelorette

 

Fortunately, The Bachelorette updated the show’s format, which makes it watchable again. Marni and Chris discuss the major differences between Gabby and Rachel. Marni points out that Gabby has obviously been doing personal development work yet both ladies are leaking a bit. Chris reminds us that no matter what happened in the past it is important to hang in there and never give up.

 

Personal development work helps all aspects of life including dating and relationships.

 

This season reminds us how important it is to give a new relationship some space. If we are always trying to rule a guy out we may be missing out on a high-quality guy.

 

Make a Connection:

 

 

Jul 30, 2022

Marni and Chris Gillis are celebrating two million downloads of Life Check Yourself! During the conversation, they reflect on some of the biggest hot takes and lessons derived from the amazing episodes of Love Island, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Love on the Spectrum, and other reality dating shows.

 

Dating takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Doing the inside work to find your authentic self

  • How judging others creates a love shield

  • Finding joy amidst the chaos

  • Balancing feminine and masculine energy

  • The power of vulnerability

 

Build a Dating Strategy From the Inside Out [2:24]

 

Some people believe that what they don’t have is what is keeping them from finding a partner but no matter how beautiful and successful someone is if they don’t have core foundational self-worth they will not be able to attract the right person for the long-term. One thing the reality shows teach us is that beautiful people still really struggle.

 

When we listen to our critical inner voice it can steer us into uncertain territory.

 

Many women think they need to play a game or pretzel themselves into being someone that guys want when real attractiveness is just being yourself. It’s an inside job.

 

Reveal, Release, Rejuvenate, and Resource [12:17]

 

Healing the unconscious part of ourselves by rewiring our neural pathways allows us to release our perceived limitations and express our authentic selves. When we continue to resource our groundedness and sense of self, we become in tune with our inner knowing.

 

The False Protection of a Love Shield [20:57]

 

Marni reminds us that our brains want to protect us from being hurt but it is just an illusion of safety. Every day, even in a good relationship, won’t be butterflies and rainbows. There are real concrete skills to having a successful, fulfilling relationship.

 

It is possible to share all the love in your heart with another person.

 

Being Vulnerable to Create Connection [20:57]

 

Being vulnerable is a keystone of connection. Vulnerability is not just sharing a sad story. It is about being honest with yourself and sharing your truth with others EVEN when you don’t know how it will be received by others.

 

When we are rejection-proof we have the energy of attraction.

 

Make a Connection:

 

Jul 29, 2022

Marni welcomes credentialed Life Coach, Hypnotherapist, Speaker, Personal Empowerment Expert, and Podcaster, Amy Green Smith to the show. Through her work, Amy helps move individuals to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-worth. She helps people find their voice in her guide, How to Find Your Voice Without Being a Dick. She is highly sought out because of her uncommon style of irreverence, wisdom, and humor.

 

Dating takeaways from this episode:

 

  • How to stop yourself from people-pleasing

  • Finding your voice and your truth

  • Direct communication skills

  • How women can speak up for themselves

  • Change the trajectory of your life

 

Finding Your Voice [1:56]

 

Amy says if we look at our biological makeup we are programmed to people-please in order to survive. Most of us have heard of the flight, fight, freeze, and fawn instincts. People-pleasing fits into the fawn defense. Fitting in is a fundamental human need because our ancestors needed a group to stay safe and survive. In modern times, it doesn't seem to make sense, but from childhood, we learn that people-pleasing is a safe behavioral tactic.

 

Finding our voice requires more than a quick fix. Amy says we must incorporate new patterns and habits to make the necessary wiring changes to our brains before we can experience true transformation.

 

Becoming aware that you are people-pleasing is the first step to finding your voice, but more importantly, you must take action to make a change.

 

How to Speak Up for Yourself Without Being A D*ck [14:03]

 

Amy reminds us that we cannot make someone feel something. 93% of our communication with another person is paraverbal and nonverbal, which leaves only 3% being the actual words we use. Heightening our emotional intelligence is the path forward when speaking up for ourselves. We must learn to be OK with someone else feeling something different than what we feel.

 

You are responsible for your intention, not your reception.

 

When we speak out of malice, are more combative, or we people-please, we are reacting to a sense of threat. We feel like we are in danger so we revert to what we feel will keep us safe. We must be sure we are in a safe situation; then we can be clear about our truth.

 

Hypnotherapy [29:49]

 

As part of her personal empowerment work, Amy uses hypnotherapy to reprogram the limiting inner critic most of us have. Slowing down our brain waves allows us to embed new belief systems that better serve us.

 

Make a Connection:

 

Jul 22, 2022

Is your heart telling you to say YES instead of maybe, while your brain is putting on the brakes? Marni welcomes the inspirational Ken Bechtel into the Life Check Yourself studio. Ken is a podcast host and is the author of the recently released book, Follow Your YES. In his book and his program, Ken provides people with guidance on how to build confidence and eliminate overwhelm across all areas of their lives.

 

Dating takeaways from this episode:

 

  • The true meaning of maybe

  • How to listen to our hearts

  • Failures are our friends

  • How to draw the right people to us

 

Your YES Comes from the Heart

 

Ken felt drawn to the message of Following Your YES when he realized that people weren’t setting themselves up to win. He felt compelled to write a book about it to help people lead their lives with it instead of getting around to it when there was time and space. There are a whole host of things that try to keep people from following their YES and he said enough is enough!

 

Ken believes YESes are like stepping stones. The trick is you won’t know what the next yes is until you take the first one. We can never know what is going to happen before it all starts.

 

So many people are frozen because they have fear of the unknown and too many what-ifs.

 

To identify our YES, Ken says we can’t think into it. Our YES is a feeling. It is not intellectual. It comes from our hearts. It is our divine guidance. And, who has a better view of what is possible, us or the divine? It sees the big picture.

 

Our brains are hardwired to fear the unknown because it only focuses on survival. If we haven’t done something yet, it wants to keep us from danger and effectively keeps us from taking the next step.

 

Missteps Are Our Friends

 

In his book, Follow Your YES, Ken has what looks to be a crazy acronym but is some great advice. YDKWYWUYKWYW stands for you don’t know what you want until you know what you don’t want. What Ken means by this is that knowing what we don’t want helps us know what we do want. It is an invitation to narrow things down and refine our targets.

 

Missteps and failures are our friends. They are helpful when refining our targets.

 

When we are following our YES, living our best life, and listening to our hearts, we become a radio station that broadcasts our favorite music. Other people on the same wavelength pick up on our signal and it leads them to us.

 

The Key to Getting Unstuck

 

Ken says the key to getting unstuck so we can follow our YESes with confidence starts with making a list of our maybes. A maybe is something you think you want but figure it will happen eventually. The next step is the big one and that is to put all of your energy into things that are YESes right now!

 

Make a Connection:

 

Jul 16, 2022

Marni welcomes two young women who are close to her heart to assist in Chris Gillis’ absence. Her daughters Rayna and Kloey Battista add their perspectives to the real-life dating examples dished up on this season of Love Island.

 

Dating takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Is it OK to explore others while dating someone else?
  • Collecting data on a first date without it being an interview
  • Being present and vulnerable in a relationship
  • Recognizing yellow and red flags
  • Approaching dating with emotional intelligence

 

The Love Island Plot Twist [4:44]

 

In the middle of the season, the producers wait until everyone is coupled up and then send the women off to meet a set of new guys and the guys become introduced to other women. It caused a ton of drama and good dating lessons.

 

Tasha and Andrew have been paired together for four weeks. Andrew seems enamored by Tasha, but he tries to be chill. Tasha tells Andrew he is her person yet tells other guys that she is open and willing to get to know them.

 

Marni asks Kloey and Rayna how this relates to dating in real-life. Is Tasha being on the level?

 

  • Kloey — The most important thing in life is that your actions and words have to match up. So, Tasha is dating with dignity.

 

  • Rayna — There are feelings and pressure in the Villa, which is different from dating in real life. There was a double standard presented in the last few episodes. Andrew and Tasha aren’t judged the same.

 

Andrew has girls telling him he is being screwed over so he acts vengefully. They were just trying to get him interested in them. They were gaslighting to some extent and he fell into the trap.

 

Remember ladies It’s OK to date multiple people and you don’t need to tell the other people unless they ask.

 

Dating Lessons from Paige & Jacques [15:44]

 

Kloey says she finds the relationship between Paige and Jacques interesting because Paige says she doesn’t have time to train a man but then talks about the chemistry and connection they have. Jacques has shown yellow and red flags when he manipulates Paige. In real life, if Jacques would leave the villa without fighting for Paige, he doesn’t deserve her.

 

Rayna thinks he could have made up for leaving but he immediately went on the defensive. It seemed as if he tried to make her believe it was her fault. Jacques’ note was kind but it didn't seem genuine. Rayna found it disrespectful. Why should Paige wait for him?

 

Marni had a different reaction. She suggests that Jacques may have realized he was rude to Billy and needed to get out of there to cope with his feelings. Maybe Jacques has never let himself be vulnerable? Marni thinks he may love Paige but he is a child and can’t manage his emotions.

 

Does Danica Have an Agenda? [22:22]

 

Marni and the ladies dissect the super attractive, smart, professional, big-hearted, and direct girl who is Daneeka. Daneeka hasn’t been able to make a solid connection with any of her guys. She has an interview-style approach to first dates. Marni asks the ladies why she isn’t connecting.

 

  • Rayna — Danica is gracefully shouldering rejection. Maybe she isn’t ready for her next relationship because she isn’t over her old one?

 

  • Kloey — It is important to be vulnerable. She seems too focused on getting certain answers than on being present with her dates.

 

On first dates, it is possible to navigate collecting data to make a connection without it seeming like an interview.

 

Marni says Danica is trying to fit the guys she dates into the role she already has planned for them. Which can be a turn-off and limit true vulnerability.

 

Make a Connection:

 

Jul 15, 2022

Marni welcomes the best-selling author of Project Everlasting and founder of the revolutionary Manifest Your Man program, Mat Boggs into the Life Check Yourself studio. Mat has been helping millions of people around the world attract love and have fun finding fulfilling relationships. He is a sought-after dating and relationship expert. He's been featured on the Today Show, CNN, Headline News, and Oprah & Friends.

 

Dating takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Identifying a shared vision with the Magic Wand question

  • What Mat means by Rehearse, Nurse, and Curse

  • Overcoming your limiting beliefs

  • Your history does not determine your destiny

  • Rejection is just a step closer to what you want

 

Intention Vs. Impact

 

A human’s purpose on this planet is to learn how to give and receive love. Growth comes when we make mistakes and change the actions we take in the future. One of the best ways we can grow is to ask others for feedback. In Mat’s case, his goal was to write a book people absolutely loved or didn't. When he enlisted Beta Readers, the readers who didn't like his book at first, gave him better feedback about how he could make the book better.

 

Mat says there is a difference between intention and impact. And he uses this lesson over and over again. If you know someone’s heart is in the right place, but something they do creates a negative outcome for you, it is important to have a ten-minute sweaty-palmed conversation to clear the air without attacking the other person.

 

Do not take things personally because, often, people don’t do things with bad intentions.

 

Labels & Overcoming Limitations

 

We all use labels because they fast-track conversations and help people identify us better. Another reason is that some people want to commiserate and want attention.

 

If we get too attached to our labels, the label can then turn into our identity.

 

Mat reminds us that where our intention goes, energy flows. Research rooted in neuroscience shows that our brains make connections based on repetition. The more we label ourselves as “something” we will eventually start to identify with that label.

 

If we can put more attention on where we are going and where we want to be, it is much easier to overcome the place we have been when we focus on where we want to be.

 

Rise above the old definition of you and create something beautiful for your life.

 

Four Questions to Manifest a Loving Relationship Now!

 

A person’s ability to manifest what they want comes down to their ability to be clear about what they want, understand what may be holding them back and the actions they need to take to get what they want, and accept their desires once they achieve them.

 

Mat offers four high-quality questions to ask yourself once you become clear about what you want. They are:

 

  • Fear — What have you been resisting about opening your heart and having a relationship?

  • Accept — What do you need to face about the situation to make peace?

  • Choice — What choice could I make to move in that direction?

  • Take Action — What actions do you need to take to move you forward?

 

Your history does not determine your destiny.

 

To figure out if you and a guy have a common vision about relationships, there is a magic wand question you can ask during a date. The question is — If you had a magic wand, what would you create for your love life?

 

Make a Connection:

 

Jul 9, 2022

Marni and Chris Gillis are back to fish out all the best real-life dating lessons from the watery depths of Love Island. The show pairs up singles and then injects new, hot singles into the mix every so often just to keep things juicy. The love lessons in this surreal show may not be readily apparent to the naked eye, but Marni and Chris know just where to look.

 

Dating takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Dating more than one person at a time

  • Expressing vulnerability and commitment

  • Why the experiment doesn’t paint a clear picture of what is possible in early dating

  • When you should be cautiously optimistic

 

Should We Play the Field [3:05]

 

When Marni and her team coach clients, creating a funnel and dating multiple people is promoted. Of course, until they figure out who their best person is. On Love Island, they start to build connections and then they bring in new people.

 

Marni finds herself conflicted. The contestants have core relationships but they are flirting or kissing the singles who were recently added. Should they be a tad more committed or are they doing the right thing by playing the field?

 

It's less about the number of dates and more about the quality. Does the other person have the same vision or values? Are they looking for the same things?

 

Casa Amor * Spoiler Alert [12:21]

 

If you haven’t seen the Casa Amor episode yet, don’t read this part. Regarding Andrew and Tasha; Andrew was working hard to make Tasha feel loved and safe because she is insecure. He obviously likes her a lot. The other guys are saying he is getting played, but Marni doesn’t see it. When new girls, aka B-team, are introduced, they also reinforce the idea that Tasha has been treating Andrew poorly because she is talking to other guys. He starts dating someone else right away.

 

We all want to feel special. Are you making your partner feel special?

 

Casting Their Lines [19:29]

 

Marni and Chris discuss the cast and how they seem to be unable to get vulnerable and express what they like to each other. Plus, they note that the Casa Amor is a tough experiment to gauge a relationship on because contestants didn’t get a chance to create a solid foundation beforehand. Most of them stayed in cautiously optimistic mode and no one really clarified their feelings for another person.

 

When a guy says he is really interested in you and his words and actions match, be cautiously optimistic. Because everyone can say that you are everything they want, but true compatibility is proven sustainable over time.

 

Make a Connection:

 

Jul 1, 2022

Marni welcomes Shoshana, a graduate of The 5 KEYS to Becoming Irresistible program, into the studio to share the amazing relationship journey she has had since she invested in herself and the course. She credits the course for the major mindset shifts and healed relationships she has had in the last three years.

 

Key takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Investing in yourself pays off

  • The benefits of being clear about what you want

  • Being empowered to ask for what you want

  • Using the relationship tools in real life

 

The Big Payoff

 

Before investing in the 5 KEYS program, Shoshana says she was a butterfly who kept telling herself she wanted a relationship but wasn’t taking the necessary actions to be ready for one. The one phrase that stuck out to her during the course was:

 

The common denominator in all of your relationships is you.

 

The phrase really impacted her. She had never thought about how she was showing up in the world when it came to intimate relationships or what her view of partnerships was before then.

 

The course made her recognize her avoidant tactics. They were:

 

  • She didn’t take dating seriously

  • She would quickly get intimate with men she didn’t really know

  • She never expressed her needs

  • She wasn’t clear about what she wanted from a relationship

 

At first, she was hesitant to pay for a course for something she thought she should already know how to do but she had to let go of the shame. She realized she had to humble herself to ask for help.

 

As it turns out, the program filtered into her entire life. It empowered her to have a better life on her terms.

 

What Was Different About Dating

 

Shoshana was on the beach with her family on the 4th of July. She met a guy who was at a nearby party and it turns out they had many things in common. They hit it off and stayed together chatting on the beach long after everyone else left.

 

During the early days of her relationship, Shoshana had the courage to tell her guy that if she slept with him too soon she would become insecure. She reveals that having the courage to say that to someone, to date at her own pace, and tell the person why she didn’t want to sleep with them yet was super empowering.

 

Knowing your non-negotiables allows you to have the relationship you have always wanted.

 

Empowering Tools Not Rules

 

Shoshana says she realized that it wasn’t about trying to win someone over and get them to be in a relationship with her. It was about what she wanted and her non-negotiables. In this relationship, they both acknowledged their attraction to each other and talked about how they were showing up in the initial dating process.

 

You don’t have to make it work with everyone you date, and you probably don’t want to.

 

She is now living with her French boyfriend who lives in the U.S. They travel together frequently.

 

Make a Connection:

 

Jun 24, 2022

Marni welcomes the CEO of Marriage Helper and Host of the podcast, It Starts with Attraction, Kimberly Beam Holmes to the Life Check Yourself studio. Kimberly has a Master's in Psychology and for over 10 years she has been researching the ways attraction affects people personally and the relationships they hold near and dear to their hearts.

 

Key takeaways from this episode:

 

  • How to dig deep into another person through curiosity

  • The Love Path method

  • Be compassionate before you rule a guy out

  • How to reignite the attraction of a spouse or significant other

 

The Phases of Falling and Staying in Love [2:43]

 

Most people don’t know that there is a process to falling in love. They often think it is just chemistry or a pre-destined soulmate but in reality, any two people who follow Kimberly's process will fall in love. On the flip side of that, if a couple steps away from the process they could start falling out of love.

 

At Marriage Helper, Kimberly’s team helps couples fall back in love. The Love Path method is researched-based and time-tested. There are four steps in the Love Path:

 

  1. P.I.E.S. Attraction

  2. Acceptance

  3. Attachment

  4. Aspiration

 

The more people focus on body appearance the more their self-worth decreases.

 

Trust is paramount in a relationship. We can’t break down our protective walls until we know that another person loves us for who we truly are. We all need to be accepted for our true selves.

 

Long-term relationships are made up of people who share visions, aspirations, and goals for their future together. When we start dating we tend to have shared goals but after time as we achieve our goals, many couples get bogged down in careers, kids, and chores.

 

Life can pull us apart if we are not intentional about keeping our relationship together.

 

Make a Connection:

 

Jun 18, 2022

Marni welcomes Sex and Relationship Coach Melanie Curtin into the Life Check Yourself studio. Melanie is a writer with a Master’s from Stanford. She has been featured on the Today show, New York Observer, and she hosts the Dear Men Podcast: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women.

 

Key takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Four reasons women are afraid to give men feedback about sex

  • Can chemistry be created when none exists

  • Tips for speaking up about what feels good

  • Where most men get their sexual training and why it’s bad for women

 

Research Says To Have Better Sex… [1:06]

 

Melanie started collecting data about feelings and communication with surveys embedded in her articles. She wanted to hear from other women about their sexual experiences with men, specifically if they had ever broken up with a man because of the sex.

 

Many of the women she surveyed said yes they did break up with men because of the sex. When asked if they offered feedback to the men they broke up with they said no, they were afraid to give men feedback.

 

There are four reasons women are afraid to give men feedback about sex. Melanie shares three:

 

  1. They are afraid they will be attacked or shamed.

  2. The man will withdraw and leave.

  3. The man will compare them to another woman.

 

Consider feedback as an opportunity to make an adjustment rather than to take it personally. Many men feel that they should already know what they are doing. But, men are also getting most of their sexual examples from porn and porn is severely inaccurate when it comes to the time it takes a woman to achieve arousal.

 

It can take women over three times longer to reach full physiological arousal than men.

 

Can Chemistry in a Relationship Be Created? [29:28]

 

Melanie works with a lot of men. She says, in our culture, many men don’t show up in their full vitality and are disconnected from their power. If there isn’t chemistry at first kiss Melanie says to make sure you are fully in your feminine first and then try again. She doesn’t have a strong opinion either way on whether women should give it a second chance.

 

How a Woman Can Tell a Man What Feels Good [36:36]

 

Melanie offers up two ways women can help guide men into having a better sexual experience for both partners.

 

1. Mention what works for you aka positive reinforcement.

2. Let men say what works for them and ask them what their favorite part of sex was.

 

Figuring out your partner and how they get turned on is an act of love.

 

Make a Connection:

 

Jun 10, 2022

Marni welcomes fellow podcast dating host Amber Grubenmann to the Life Check Yourself studio. Amber is the creator of the highly-rated Women’s Dating and Confidence Podcast plus she helps ladies go from just dating to exclusive through her coaching programs.

 

Key takeaways from this episode:

 

  • Why women have sex before they are ready

  • Tips for creating a long-term, meaningful relationship

  • Exploring your inner sexiness

  • Men’s expectations around sex

 

Set the Stage for the Type of Relationship You Want [1:50]

 

Amber shares some of the most common comments she hears from the women she works with about their mindset around why they have had sex early in a relationship or when they may not be ready:

 

  • If he has sex with me it means he likes me.

  • I need to show him how good it is.

  • If he doesn’t get it from me, he’s going to get it from someone else.

  • I need to see if we are sexually compatible.

  • If I don’t have sex with him, I will disappoint him.

 

Amber tells her clients that if they want to go from dating to exclusive, to introduce sex once they feel confident and secure in a relationship.

 

There are things you can do in dating that increase the probability of a certain type of relationship.

 

How to Cultivate the Right Mindset [10:28]

 

Relationships are a human need and men really want them. Taking the time in the early stages of a relationship to see if a man has the emotional qualities you are looking for will give you the opportunity to explore the sexual connection.

 

Clarifying your intentions can make the relationship road smoother throughout the entire journey. So explore the person you are dating through conversation. If a relationship starts to feel amazing and you don’t have the conversation, the guy may not be on the same page.

 

To get what you want, you have to talk about it and ask for it.

 

Bringing Sexy Back [18:02]

 

Everyone wants to feel sexy. But, often we have things that hold us back from feeling fully into our sexuality. Amber offers some tips women can use to get comfortable with their bodies and their sexuality.

 

  • Have a self-pleasure practice to learn what you like and what turns you on.

  • Consider what are the factors that allow you to enhance or disrupt your feeling sexual? What factors allow your nervous system to relax?

 

Inner sexiness is unconditional and different for all of us.

 

Many women believe that men have certain expectations around sex because some have felt the pressure to have sex at some point in their lives. But, sex will never create security in a connection. So, if you are looking for a long-term commitment, leading with sex doesn’t give you the emotional security you need for long-term happiness.

 

If you want a meaningful relationship, don’t treat it casually.

 

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Womens Dating And Confidence Podcast

 

 

Jun 4, 2022

Marni and Chris are joined by Reality Rayna aka Marni’s daughter Rayna Battista to recap Love on the Spectrum, a reality dating show with neurodiverse contestants. This is Chris’s favorite reality dating show because the daters are obsessed with the truth and are authentic. Marni says neurotypical daters do the same things but it’s all happening on the inside.

 

Key takeaways from this episode:

 

  • The beauty of honesty in relationships

  • How to be coachable

  • Finding something fun to do for a first date

  • Not taking things personally

 

Dani & Solomon [4:26]

 

Dani has her own business, loves animation, and is dead set on finding someone. She holds high standards for herself and others. She is high-functioning on the autism scale. She says she wants a business partner, lover, and best friend!

 

Solomon is attractive, into spirituality, and also high-functioning on the autism scale. On their first date, Dani & Solomon have crazy physical chemistry. They kiss a lot! But it throws Dani off. She wasn’t prepared for so much physical attraction. She got overwhelmed.

 

Dani exhibits every inner feeling of any woman going on a date with a hot guy. But she has no inner monologue, so she says to Solomon “You are so hot. I love you” and, “I think you are my person” on their first two dates. Then after date number two, she puts on the brakes. She may have sabotaged the relationship and put her guard up because it was too much, too fast.

 

We sabotage great possibilities because we get emotionally attached and scared. It’s a protective mechanism. We need to get clear about what we really want.

 

Next, Dani goes on a date with Adan. He seems to be everything she is looking for but she doesn’t find him attractive.

 

Subodh, Abbey, Rachel, & David [17:58]

 

A giant dating lesson from these dates is that dinner is not the best way to get to know another person. Subodh and Abbey went on really fun dates. They both love animals so they went to the zoo. They both enjoyed themselves and it got them out of their comfort zones in a nice way.

 

Also, the couples used a basic communication style which is what creates connection. Sure, Abbey got nervous when she went out with David because we all get nervous on a date when sharing things about ourselves.

 

Just because you are neurotypical, doesn’t mean you are supposed to know how to make connections and create intimacy.

 

A great example of how not to take things personally is when David asks Abbey for some of the candy he brought her and she tells him no. He says “OK. It’s probably not good for me anyway.” Abbey knows how to say no at the moment which is monumental for not feeling resentment later.

 

Breaking Up with Dignity and Respect [28:58]

 

A high-quality person will communicate even when it is bad news. For example, Dani knows it is going to hurt Solomon’s feelings when she tells him she isn’t interested in dating him again. It is hard for her to do but she respects him enough to tell him.

 

It is important to be forthright and treat your date the way you want to be treated.

 

Another example is after the medieval date, James asks Emma if she wants to go out on another date and she says “No. I think we should just be friends.” It is so brave. There are no excuses, only truth.

 

When you don’t say what you feel. You are assuming the other person can’t handle the truth. It’s disrespectful.

 

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