Do you resonate with wanting someone who doesn’t want you?
Nicole visits the Dating Den today to ask Marni for guidance on how she can move past her current crush. For over a year she has wanted more yet he refuses to give any more than necessary to keep her around. She wants to find a guy she can have a fulfilling relationship with and who fits into her vision of the future.
The Backstory [2:16]
Nicole met Adam at the gym. He was often busy or had an excuse for why he couldn’t go out with her so she got the hint early on that he wasn't interested. But, when she started dating someone else he called her and started paying more attention to her. Then again after three weeks of him canceling dates, the relationship fizzled. They continue to have sex and stay over at each other’s houses but he shows up when he wants or when he needs something, not when she needs something.
It bothers her when she asks him to do something and he puts her off.
Why Nicole Sets Herself Up to Be Rejected [7:39]
She was hopeful, but also a little scared about asking Adam on a day trip. She wanted to share some special time with him but she knew he would probably say he was busy. She mentally prepared herself to be disappointed because he often lets her down.
Marni discovers that there is a pattern in Nicole’s life of asking for things and then being disappointed. When she was younger, she would ask her mom for things but would often get disappointed. She believed it wasn't fair so she continued to ask until she got her way. She internalized the experience as rejection, yet she persisted.
The role we take on in our early family life often bleeds into our adult life. Nicole is still trying to get her mom to say yes and to love her. She is staying in a space that is comfortable and familiar to her. Her younger brain is in control and she is addicted to rejection. This makes Adam her perfect dysfunctional partner. He leaves a trail of emotional crumbs and she feels connected with him when she picks them up. He gives her an opportunity to be of service.
Have you tried something over and over even though you know it doesn’t work? It may be because you don’t know any other way to address the situation.
How Nicole Can Get Real Connection[26:29]
In order for Nicole to achieve feelings of validation and connection instead of rejection and disappointment, she needs to recognize her patterns and ask herself high-quality questions when she feels like contacting Adam. She should make sure her actions allow her to stay committed to her visions of being in a healthy relationship within the next year.
When she shifts her beliefs and actions she will attract men that are connected to her values. Beginning a good relationship shouldn’t be hard.
Remember ladies, date with dignity!
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Do you refuse to date a guy because he doesn’t make six figures?
Will your Mr. Right to take care of all of your debt?
Ladies, money and love go hand-in-hand in the den today. My guest, Kiné Corder has over 20-years experience in the field of finance, she is a financial therapist and she is the host of the Prosperity Report podcast. She is also a bestselling author, a sought-after international speaker, she has been on Good Morning America, Oprah, and Entertainment Tonight. Her wellness company just launched the ‘Presidential Lifestyle’ to help couples become a winning team in love, life, and money.
Can Money Really Buy Happiness? [4:23]
Technically yes, money can buy happiness but Kiné says, "There is a dollar sign associated with almost everything we want or need. It's the knowing what will actually make us happy that is the hard part." Getting some financial therapy can be a great way to drill down to figure out what happiness means to you and then help you to go out and grab prosperity.
The phrase ‘money can’t buy happiness’ is used so often that many people get confused about the role money plays in their lives. When people do get money they buy things that don't make them happy just to align with the programming they received about money from their parents or early influencers.
It is possible to shift your financial mindset.
Women Can Be Successful in Business & in Love [6:50]
Ladies, you can have it all just not at the same time. Everyone wants to have it all but do you really want to juggle everything at the same time. Kiné warns that if you are leaning into your profession, then you are leaning away from something else. Don't lean so far you tip over.
Are you an ambitious, independent woman who doesn’t realize she is pushing men away? Men don't marry the independent woman they just stay for a while because they are intrigued by her. Men want to share their life with a responsible woman. They want women to support them in their goals.
What is Your Money Personality? [13:34]
It’s important to recognize your money personality because it will impact how you choose a man.
There are 5 Key Elements of the Money Cycle:
● Earn
● Grow
● Protect
● Gift
● Enjoy
And, There are 7 Money Mentality Types:
● The Spender
● The Saver
● The Blamer
● The Enthusiast
● The Hero
● The Artist
● The President
How you handle money is closely related to how you give and receive love. If you want to find out which archetype you are take the online money quiz on Kiné’s website.
Love Tip - The right guy should share your values about money. It’s not all about the dollar signs.
Strategies for Healthy Money Communications [26:43]
It’s okay to have conversations about money early in a relationship, says Kiné. The more vulnerable and trusting you about your values, love and financial, the better your relationship will be.
6-Steps to having healthy conversations about money:
1. Learn your Money Mentality
2. Discover your idea of prosperity
3. Be a lifelong learner
4. Have a money day once a month
5. Delegate challenges and lean on your strengths
6. What you focus on expands
Be sure to open up about your debt too. It is perfectly normal to have healthy debt. Shift your old programming and learn for yourself what the best financial strategy for you is.
Shared values are imperative for a relationship to succeed.
Make a Connection:
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
Ladies this show will help you take action and gain the understanding that organizing your space makes a difference in your ability to create love in your life.
My guest today, Lisa Woodruff is the Founder of Organize 365, Creator of the 100-Day Home Organization Program, and The Sunday Basket Workshops. She is also the author of the books, The Mindset of Organization: Take Back Your House One Phase at a Time and How ADHD Affects Home Organization and the Hostess of the Organize 365 Podcast.
She helps women reclaim their homes and their lives!
Taking Charge of Your Organizational Skills [4:09]
It’s all about mindset. Lisa says, “Typically your outer world is reflective of your inner world.” If you are struggling in love know that you may be holding on to stuff based on the future you thought you would have.
It's all about the internal work. Do you use a disorganized house as an excuse for not dating? The excuse serves as a reason for you not to be vulnerable and let someone in. When you get your place clutter-free and exactly how you want it, then what?
Emotional and environmental reasons are the two biggest reasons single people don't throw stuff away. There is a lot of stuff that can’t be recycled. It's an environmental issue.
You may not know how to let go of possessions because they also serve as your memories.
The Best Rooms to Organize First [10:30]
The Kitchen or the Master Closet is the best place to start taking control of your life. As a professional organizer, Lisa starts with a client by spending 15 minutes on removing everything from a single drawer in the kitchen. They take everything out of the drawer, consider its usefulness, and get rid of whatever doesn’t make an impact in their lives. Then, they move to the closet and start with the shoes. The goal is for you to come home and enjoy yourself, your house, and your life.
How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Couples Who Combine Households [13:41]
The number one issue when a couple moves in together is making sure there is even territory. A new home is easier for couples to move into because decisions about the spaces are done together. It may be more difficult when one person moves into an existing home that the other person has occupied. In this case, Lisa recommends getting a storage unit when making the initial move, especially if there are kids involved.
Then, go space by space and discuss as a couple who will be using the space more frequently and defer to them for the tools and supplies they need in that space. It's really important that each person in the house have their own space.
Strategies, Tips, and Tricks to Overcome Excuses [21:01]
If you are making excuses for why you are not de-cluttering your life consider, has there ever been anyone in your situation who has done what you want to do? If someone has done it, then there is no excuse for you not doing it. It can be done!
Lisa’s 100-Day Organizational Program was designed to go beyond surface de-cluttering. It teaches discipline. She recommends starting in the Master Bath or the Laundry Room. Go in for 15 minutes every single day until there is nothing left to do. Once you have one done room move to the next. It doesn't matter how long it takes you because you are learning the discipline of decluttering and organizing. You are pushing yourself through the hard stuff.
And, her trademark, Sunday Basket is an organizational system for all the household paper in your life. It could be letters from school, bills, reminders, etc. It's a box that sits on your kitchen counter and everything goes in the box. Handle all of those responsibilities on one day instead of letting papers pile up.
Walk through your house as if you are going to put it on the market.
Make a Connection:
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
Mike Goldstein is back in the den for updated online dating advice. He is a successful private, one-on-one dating coach who has gotten 83% of his clients into a relationship! He is a public speaker, an author and has been featured on The Today Show, in Readers Digest and Shape Magazine. His unique methods for analyzing data from multiple online dating sites ensures his clients are in the top 5 % of successful daters. Ladies, heed this man’s advice!
How to Find Someone You Like on Match [2:41]
Mike says all of his methods are based on math and science. It’s basically a numbers game. With his 50/12/1 rule, the woman sends out 50 emails to men based on their profile picture. 12 men normally respond and then she chooses the 1 she likes best from the responses.
Having a quick, 10-minute phone call can help ease a woman’s mind if she doesn’t feel comfortable yet. After that, let the man know you are ready to go on the date. Mike says to limit dating to one good date a week though to avoid confusion.
Men want to know what the endgame is and are happy to get to the date as soon as possible, so ask him out!
Playing the Game & Getting the Info [11:53]
Ladies, once you get to the date enjoy yourself. Be honest and if you had a good time end the date with a heartfelt thank you and tell the guy that you had a great time. And then, DO NOTHING! Don’t text him later, don’t call him, don’t do anything. Mike says this is important information gathering time. You will find out if he likes you and how much by waiting him out.
Online Dating Photos and the Profile [17:58]
The most important thing about your photos and possibly your entire profile is that your face should only fill 8-15% of the picture box. If you have 6 amazing photos and one lifestyle photo that is enough for the guy to figure out if he is attracted to you. He checks out your photos first and then reads your profile if he is attracted.
It is key to be specific in your profile. A man wants stats, clear information, easy to understand pieces of information. Ladies, don’t use adjectives to describe yourself! Again, be specific. Try starting a sentence would be ‘A typical Friday night would be…’.
So, How Should I Respond? [36:49]
The goal of online dating is to find love and you may not have time to respond to every message. If you feel like every message deserves a response, Mike recommends crafting a simple ‘this isn’t a good fit’ reply message you can copy and paste as needed.
And, don’t get caught in the texting loop. If you are looking for love you don’t have time to waste on a guy who won’t pull the trigger.
Men are the gas women are brakes in a relationship.
Make a Connection:
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates