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Life Check Yourself

Each week on the podcast, hear Marni Battista, Founder and CEO of The Institute For Living Courageously, interview the world’s top experts in how to help people live more meaningful and impactful lives.
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Now displaying: December, 2020
Dec 25, 2020

Marni welcomes Dr. Thomas Jordan into the Den to discuss the revolutionary way to change the behavioral patterns that keep you single. His book, Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life, is a culmination of his 33-years as a psychotherapist who has helped individuals and couples enjoy more satisfying and longer-lasting relationships. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • What determines a healthy, successful love life 
  • A 3-step guide to learn to love
  • How to identify repeating patterns in your love life
  • The role of communication skills in your love life
  • A person will tell you who they are if you are listening

 

3-Steps to Learning to Love [2:41]

Dr. Jordan is devoted to the topic of love and love life difficulties. In working with individuals and couples, he noticed patterns. Many of the people made the same mistakes over and over again but were not conscious of their own patterns. 

When a difficulty arose in his love life, he corrected it and wrote his book, Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life to help others.

Most people don't consciously know what they have learned about the love relationships in their lives.  

 

Dr. Jordan’s 3-step Learning to Love Method 

  1. Become conscious of what you have learned
  2. Strengthen your ability to challenge the pattern 
  3. Move your love life in a new direction 

 

How the Brain Tries to Protect Us From Pain [14:03]

Dr. Jordan says it is common for people to generalize, aka the ‘all men are this’ statement, after getting hurt repeatedly. It is a defense mechanism the brain uses to protect us from future pains. How to release this and put an end to the repeating patterns is to ask yourself “What have I learned about love relationships that might be recreating some of this pattern in my love life that's not working?”

If you repeat something over and over in your love life and it is not working, chances are you learned something unconsciously and it is unhealthy.

If you identify a pattern that is causing repetitive disappointment, take a break. Take time to ponder what is moving your love life in the wrong direction. Once you have a conscious awareness you can venture back out into the dating scene.

 

Healthy Communication is Key [26:33]

Communication is the foundation of a healthy love relationship. Dr. Jordan says communication is how you get to know the person you are with and how they get to know you. Good communication is key to solving problems if/when they arise in the relationship. 

 

All human beings have issues and faults. 

It is impossible to change another person. Trying to change people in your love life is a bad idea. Dr. Jordan says in his 33-years of practice he has never met a person who successfully changed another person. If you want a healthy, long-lasting love life you must make the decision that the thing you want to change about the other person is not important enough to sacrifice the relationship. 

If it is not, practice acceptance.  

 

People tell you a lot about themselves when you first meet them but you have to be listening.

 

Make a Connection:

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Love Life Learning Center

Dec 21, 2020

On this week's Bachelorette recap, Marni and Chris react differently to the high stakes emotional capital that was spent. Chris teared up at homecoming but Marni didn't shed a tear. The guy who should be crying is Ben because he was sent home, but he doesn’t seem to have the emotional capacity to feel anything about it. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Can a woman change a man’s mind about having a family?
  • Why many women want  a ‘dangerous’ guy
  • Which guy might be husband material

 

Instant Inspiration to Commit [4:40]

It is obvious that Tayisha is an amazing lady. She is mature and makes a solid effort to get to know the guys. Marni is surprised she let Ben go. The new front runner seems to be Zac, but neither Marni, no Chris care much for him. Chris believes Zac needs to stop reverting to making out when Tayisha asks him deep questions.

After Zac and Tayisha’s New-York-inspired date Zac tells his mother that he does want a family and does want a wife, since meeting Tayisha. Marni asks Chris if this is a real thing.  

 

Does a guy just suddenly make major decisions about having a wife and family? 

Chris says, yes it is true. The right lady has a way of opening stuff up within a guy and she can inspire him to be a different version of who he is. He says it is a crazy feeling when you are dating someone and a seal is broken. Then, you realize you are open to more possibilities. BUT, a woman can't change a man, it has to be the man’s idea. 

 

Danger is His Middle Name [19:08]

 Zac seems to keep Tayisha interested by being the most dangerous choice. Chris asks Marni why girls always seem to go for the dangerous guy. Marni explains that many women have an attachment style, like ‘anxious’ attachment. Basically, it means that if a woman didn't get the love she needed from a parent when she was a child you recreate the longing or tension in relationships. A woman will keep trying to get love from someone who does not want to open up. It's a familiar feeling that creates a pattern. 

So, even though Ivan is a solid guy, sweet, fun, and playful, Tayisha doesn't seem to be attracted to him. Is there such a thing as a guy being too nice?

 

What Type of Guy is Husband Material? [24:12]

Chris said he enjoyed watching the interactions with the guys’ family members. He agrees that valuable information can be ascertained from meeting the family of the person you are dating. 

But to whom will make the best groom? The choice is clear, at least to Marni and Chris. Both agree that Brendan seems to be husband material. He is genuine, he listens, he has a ‘real’ job, he is handsome, etc. What’s not to like? But, does Tayisha feel the same?

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dec 18, 2020

Marni welcomes renowned Researcher and published Author, Dr. Richard Davidson into the Den to discuss how to increase connectedness and wellbeing during the COVID pandemic and beyond. Dr. Davidson offers daily practices to help transform our emotions and alter our ability to give and receive love and compassion.   

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • How to access and connect to emotions
  • Overcoming loneliness during the pandemic
  • Increase your self-compassion
  • Tips for bringing more love into the world

 

Insights From His Holiness [1:50] 

For years, Dr. Davidson studied the adverse effects of stress and depression. He was interested in how to nudge people toward resilience, vulnerability,  and other positive qualities but there was no baseline for the scientific research. His Holiness, The Dalai Lama called him out and asked him why he didn’t use his tools to study compassion. It was a wake-up call for Dr. Davidson. He began studying the positive side of the equation.

His Holiness had the orientation of figuring out what was right with people, not what is wrong with them. 

It is difficult to conduct serious scientific research on emotions because they are complex human qualities.

 

Consulting Our Emotions Through the Four Pillars of Wellbeing [5:56]

 The brain plays an important role in our emotions. If the brain has been damaged in some way it can impair emotions. It can have debilitating consequences in many areas of our lives. In dating, the decision to partner with someone is a huge decision. It is not a decision that is made only by calculation, it is made by consulting our emotions. 

 

Four Key Pillars of Wellbeing

  1. Awareness — Important for the development of personal transformation.
  2. Connection — The qualities important for healthy social relationships.
  3. Insight — Self-knowledge.
  4. Purpose — Aligning behavior with a sense of purpose.

 

Research shows when we cultivate healthy habits it changes our brain in ways that allow wellbeing to endure. 

 

If we spent as much time nurturing the positive qualities of our mind, as we do brushing our teeth, this world would be a different place.

 

Bringing Love Into Our Physically-Distanced World [28:11]

We can transform our brains, they are not static. Every day our brains are changing based on the input it is receiving. When we have practices that focus on compassion and kindness we can alter and increase our wellbeing. 

Dr. Davidson says we are in the midst of an epic struggle between the forces of fear and the forces of love. He believes love will win because love is at the core of who we are as human beings. We are socially connected creatures, and at the core of social connection is love. 

We can socially connect to others during this pandemic and continue to follow the safety guidelines. Taking precautions by physically distancing and wearing masks is contributing to the greater good. 

We have an opportunity to reclaim our true nature of love, kindness, and compassion.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Healthy Minds Program App

Dec 12, 2020

On this week's Bachelorette recap, Marni and Chris discuss Bennett’s triumphant return, Noah’s spry cleverness, Zach and Ben’s emotional struggles, and Tayshia’s confusing behavior when it comes to choosing a partner. While Tayshia seems to be doing a great job of extracting a guys’ true nature she appears to be leaning toward the guys most in need of repair.    

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • How to apologize with heart
  • Why no one likes to date a crybaby
  • How to date someone who is smarter than you
  • It is perfectly OK to date more than one person at the same time
  • Why being critical is a relationship killer

 

Don’t Call it a Comeback [1:42]

Remember Bennett,  the Harvard guy who is really sensible and smart but comes off a bit condescending when he tries to be vulnerable? Well, he is back to woo Tayshia. After his tumultuous departure, he comes back to apologize to Tayisha for judging her. Chris says he missed the big opportunity to explain the entire situation but it was a kind gesture. The question is does Bennett want to win or is he falling in love? The guy at the center of the controversy, Noah, is very clever and has more emotional intelligence than Bennett. But, Noah lies. 

Another Tayshia favorite, Ben. has Marni a tad worried. Ben reveals he has tried to kill himself a couple of times in the last few years. He is being vulnerable but Marni questions his ability to be a long-term, reliable partner. His perfectionism may cause him to focus on what is wrong in life instead of what is right. 

Ivan seems to be the most stable and emotionally available of all the guys.  

Both Zach and Ben have struggled with demons in their past. Marni advises ‘if a guy is working on something be sure to give the relationship some time to see how it pans out. Don't rule someone out because they are dealing with a hardship”. 

 

Not Every Woman Can Deal with a Super Smart Guy [29:31]

The Noah/Bennett clash gets heated when Noah points out that Bennett may be talking down to Tayshia. Chris asks Marni about dating someone who is superior in some aspects. Bennett is smart but instead of coming off as superior, most of the guys like him. 

Some women love to date super smart guys while others are intimidated by them. Self-confidence is a factor. 

 

Marni recalls the Gottman Institute’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse relationship red flags. One is being critical of your partner. It makes it hard to have a successful long-term relationship. If you get into a major tiff with a partner, engage in apologies, seek mutual understanding, then explore how you can improve interactions in the future. 

Are you critical of the people you date?

 

Is it OK to Date More Than One Person at a Time? [29:31]

Chris reveals his thoughts about when men date more than one person and how it differs from when women do it. He says “men are notorious for not having a disconnect about what goes on below the belt but women get attached.” He asks Marni’s opinion about women having several physical relationships at once. 

 

Marni is all about dating multiple people at once. She says that women don’t need to tell guys they are dating other people. She adds “as long as you have your dignity, you can do what you want”. 

 

Ladies, date at least two guys at a time so you don't feel like all your eggs are in one basket. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dec 11, 2020

Marni welcomes two ladies from the Dating with Dignity community who attended the Ignite Your Life virtual conference, Connie and Annette. The pair share their dating experiences before attending the conference, what they learned at the conference, and tips for other women who are considering enrolling in the upcoming Ignite Your Life virtual event. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Why it’s important to be with others going through the same thing
  • The unconscious thoughts and actions holding you back
  • Moving past fear and getting vulnerable
  • How a 3-day event can change your life

 

Community is Everything [2:26]

Annette and Connie both listened to the Dating Den Podcast before deciding to take the plunge and enroll in the Ignite Your Life Program. 

Annette had been on a self-imposed 2-year dating hiatus before joining. She was frustrated with dating because she wasn't meeting quality men. The last few guys she dated before her “break” turned her off of dating. She was okay by herself for a while but the pandemic made it clear to her that she wanted someone in her life. 

Connie was married for a long time. She was hoping her guy would just magically show up when the elevator doors opened. She was dating and meeting a lot of nice guys, but she would rule guys out before she would rule them in. She felt like she was going around in circles. She would consult with her married girlfriends about what was normal while dating, but they didn't know. She admits she was clueless about dating. It was scary for her to put herself out there and be vulnerable. After being married for so long, she felt exposed out in the world. 

 The pandemic gave single ladies a chance to focus on their priorities and decide what they wanted from life and love. 

Annette decided to attend the Ignite Your Life event because she was intrigued to be with other women who were going through the same thing she was. 

When you downplay your singleness or find shame in being alone, events can be an opportunity to connect. 

Connie wanted to uncover something she wasn't seeing. She trusted it when something inside of her said ‘sign up for this’. Once she was in it, she felt open and excited. She had a great time. She says she felt 3-feet higher every day. She did not realize how she was acting and reacting on dates. Listening to other women made her feel not alone. Being part of the community offered her much more than a book, or a video.

 

Shifting Unconscious Behaviors [22:36]

Annette says her biggest shift, after the IYL event,  is that she started showing up for herself and applying what she learned. It gave her a chance to think about the things she was struggling with. It gave her the tools to help her to move forward. 

Connie found it uncomfortable on the first day to reveal what may have been holding her back and to be vulnerable. While it was hard for her, she knew she had to keep going. She uses the analogy of popping a zit. It wasn't fun but it was necessary. 

Both women were able to unbottle their emotions and trust the process. 

What you reveal, you can heal. 

 

Spk [32:07]

Marni asks if Connie and Annette have any tips for other ladies who are thinking about enrolling in the event. Connie says she is thankful that it showed up in her life and she would have done it sooner had she known about it. Annette’s response mirrors Connies. She wouldn't have waited as long if she had heard about it earlier and she definitely would not have taken the break from dating. 

 

You are worth the investment so jump in with both your head and your heart. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dec 5, 2020

Marni and Chris discuss Tayshia’s brilliant idea to extract the guys' vulnerability by asking them to create a physical representation of themselves in the form of an art project. This revealing episode of the Bachelorette divulges secrets and sensitive information the guys may not have been comfortable sharing before.    

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • When a guy likes a girl he will bare his soul
  • What you can do to inspire a guy to be his best self
  • Is a rocky past a dealbreaker?
  • How to spot a control freak

 

When a Guy Gets Vulnerable [3:18] 

Chris admits this episode made him nervous because the guys had to get super vulnerable during the art project. But, surprisingly, they shed their protective layers and even bonded with each other. Most of the guys talked about how uncomfortable it was to talk about their feelings, but they did it for Tayshia. 

The key to a quality guy is that he will get uncomfortable because he wants to make you happy or create a connection with you.

In an unusual move, during the art project, Ben drops his robe to the floor and, with a hand over his private parts, says to Tayshia ‘I want you to see all of me’. It was received well by Tayshia, but to the other guys and viewers, it may have seemed a little douchey. What we learned later was that Ben struggled with bulimia and this was an extremely vulnerable move. 

Marni says she likes Brené Brown’s definition of vulnerability. “When you say or do something and you don't know what the outcome will be, but you say or do it anyway.”  

If you are an irresistible woman you will inspire a guy to be his best self. 

 

Is a Rocky Past a Red Flag? [16:27]

Should a girl rule out a guy because they are recovering from an addiction or has had bad relationships? Chris and Marni are on the fence about the issue. Chris says it depends on whether or not the guy is still stuck in the victim mentality or whether he is actively working on his issues.

Marni says that we are all humans and most people have baggage but if we are truly interested in the person it is important to consider how the person is navigating through it and ultimately what their core values are. 

Ladies, if a guy has secrets, be curious, but cautious. 

 

Spotting the Control Freak [29:26]

Bennet was one of those in the early episodes that came on strong as a possible winner. He is the smart, handsome Harvard guy. But in this episode, he just won’t leave young Noah alone. Marni says he shows his true colors and while he might seem like the ideal date he comes off like a bad boss who does more harm than good. 

Chris adds that even though Bennet is handsome, he is no Clark Kent. Superman wouldn't pick a battle with a lesser opponent. 

 

Take it ‘Eazy’ When You Share Your Feelings [39:27]

Bachelorette, Tayshia is confident and mature, so when Eazy shared his strong feelings early in the game she looked a tad uncomfortable. Why would Eazy say that he could see Tayshia as his wife and that he was falling in love with her instead of waiting it out?

It may have seemed nice at first but the pair had not yet talked about their values. Chris and Marni agree that it was way too early for Eazy to share his feelings of love. His being sent home afterward was almost expected. 

In dating, it is not about hooking a fish. A relationship is about the long play. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dec 4, 2020

Marni welcomes a leading expert in women's wellness and menopause Dr. Mache Seibel into the Den. Dr. Mache is a member of the Harvard Medical Faculty, author of the bestselling book, The Estrogen Fix, and editor of the #1 magazine for midlife women, Hot Years Mag.com.

As a gynecologist, Dr. Mache was a leading expert in infertility. He has published over 200 scientific articles and 17 books.  

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • What symptoms to expect during menopause
  • How to lessen the symptoms of menopause
  • What to do if you don’t feel sexy or sex hurts during menopause
  • Why some women gain weight during menopause

 

Physical, Mental, and Emotional Effects of Menopause [3:10]

Regardless of who you are, as a woman, there is no getting away from menopause. No matter how you try to avoid it, it is going to happen. It is part of the normal cycle of life. The trick, says Dr. Mache, is to be prepared. Many women believe menopause is something that happens to older women,  but the average age in the U.S. is 45-55. And, up to 10% of women go into menopause before the age of 45. 1% of women hit menopause before the age of 40! 

For most women, they suddenly begin having foggy brain, hot flashes, lack of libido, sleep problems, etc. But, the medical definition of menopause is one year of no menstruation.  

Dr. Seibel says women who figure out how to ease or reduce the symptoms of menopause are more likely to have a smoother transition. Healthy foods, time spent with friends, and plenty of sleep are all effective ways of reducing symptoms. 

Ladies, figure out menopause, don’t tough it out!  For almost every symptom there is a partial solution to ease it. 

 

Dry Lady Parts Are Nothing to Be Ashamed of [26:15]

If you do not feel motivated to date or don't feel sexy, Dr. Mache says it is common for vaginal tissues to get drier and thinner as women age. These symptoms can be remedied with local treatments. Nobody should have to endure painful sex! If it causes stress within your relationship, it is a problem. It is a medical condition that should be addressed.

Sexual issues or hypo-active sexual desire disorder means you are still interested in sex but it isn’t pleasurable. 

The good news is, if you feel apathetic or disinterested in sex, you can do something about it. It's a medical problem. But, there are treatments for you to get your mojo back. Explain how you are feeling to your doctor. Don’t be timid. That is what a doctor is there for.

The most important organ for sex is your brain. 

 

Why Some Women Gain Weight During Menopause [31:44]

Many women believe menopause equals weight gain, but do reduced hormones really cause them to gain weight? Studies show estrogen limits the amount of weight gain. As a woman goes through menopause, she loses about 3% of her metabolism every decade. If she eats the same calories every decade of her life, slowly, she will gain a dress size. 

Dr. Mache shares that fat cells migrate from where they are to new locations like the thighs and hips, or causing muffin tops. Maintaining a certain weight requires great control. Women in menopause should pay more attention to the foods they eat. 

When you do not get enough sleep, you make more of the hormone that tells you you are hungry. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dr. Mache

Dr. Mache Books

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