In this lively episode, Marni and Chris discuss all the juicy Bachelor Nation drama. They question the motives of the men chosen to be on the show and spotlight Colton Underwood and Matt James’ escapades. Will this season go down in the history books as the most dramatic season ever? Probably, but there is always the next Bachelor in Paradise to look forward to.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Marni and Chris discuss the previous Bachelor, Colton Underwood. If you haven’t already heard, this 29-year-old man was enamored with a girl named Cassie even though he came out as gay on Good Morning America. Colton is accused of planting tracking devices on Cassie’s car and some other ‘light’ stalking activities.
Cassie has not reached out to him, nor made any public statement.
Chris asks Marni if guys deserve a second chance after these types of antics? He recalls a few times he did some ‘weird stuff’ after he suffered heartbreak or was under extreme emotional duress.
Chris also asks how someone can avoid staying too long in a bad relationship. Marni advises him to ask hard questions and trust his gut when it comes to the answers. Look at where you are and make adjustments. Be courageous and do what you need to do for yourself.
If someone isn't emotionally available that is a red flag.
Is Mr. Perfect only perfect on paper?
If Matt James had business cards he could confidently make his title, Player. Marni and Chris knew it from the beginning of the season. Since the season has ended a lot has come out about his no-good ways.
He texted Rachel after posting that he was breaking up with her. He then flew her to NYC to continue their relationship. It seems to be all about the social media attention with him. While this is going on, he was talking to another woman named Grace who he had dated before.
So, Rachel is heartbroken. Grace Amerling told him she wasn’t interested and then called Reality Steve and told him the whole story.
Matt James had no intention of settling down when he applied for The Bachelor.
Marni says, in the end, it is what are the values you are looking for in a person, they are consistently demonstrating through behavior over time. It doesn't matter what someone looks like on paper it is about how they are showing up. That's all you need to know.
Chris says, don't date anyone who would be on the Bachelor.
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Marni welcomes bestselling authors and professional coaches, the dynamic duo, Marc and Angel Chernoff into the Den. The couple discusses tips from their latest book, 1000+ Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships, secrets of a lasting relationship, and communication strategies to use in the dating process.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Relationships are a huge part of our lives. Therefore, the rituals and habits we build and adopt should focus on communication and relationships. A common myth is if we find the right person they will bring out the best in us and make us happy. In reality, WE are the key to our happiness, not another person.
How can we be life-giving to another human being if we are depleted?
When we are in a relationship we need to tune into the other person by checking in with them and inquiring how we can be of service to them. Asking high-quality questions can help us find a resolution before something turns into a problem.
If a couple reaches a point when a conversation is getting heated, Marc recommends putting ourselves in the right frame of mind. It is unwise to step into an argument when we are in an elevated emotional state.
It is easy to say something more harshly than we meant when we are irritated or hurt. If a partner leaks or has a moment, consciously take a pause.
How to come back to a conversation and say I am sorry in a healthy way?
After a pause, use a matter-of-fact statement such as ‘this is what I noticed, this is how it makes me feel, and this is what I need’. When talking about our feelings everyone is right.
People are attracted to energetically happy people. But, when we are meeting new people while dating there is a lot of uncertainty and discomfort. Marc reminds us that this is why it is important we find peace within ourselves.
First dates are about collecting data about the other person. What do you think of them, not what do they think of you? Often, we are partially consumed by that distraction and it pulls us away from collecting the information we should be collecting.
Our mistakes are not who we are. We learn the way, on the way.
Make a Connection:
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
Marni welcomes a sex and intimacy coach into the Den. Irene Fair helps couples make love and sex work in long-term relationships while keeping the passion alive. Irene’s work has been featured in HuffPo, Elite Daily, Bustle, and Scary Mommy.
Key takeaways from this episode:
It's important to remember sex at the beginning of a relationship is special and unique. It should not be a benchmark for the sexual expectations of a long-term relationship.
When some women become asexual as their libido drops we rarely look at what has happened in a relationship or what is different than in the beginning when the partners first experienced each other.
Irene reminds us, there are various ways to have a sexual connection between partners. Sex doesn't have to mean only traditional intercourse. When we think of sex as only one thing we pigeonhole ourselves because it robs us of the richness of connection and intimacy.
We all need to let loose and surrender to the moment.
Contrary to popular belief, Irene recommends communicating sexual needs at the beginning of a relationship. She says do not wait until problems show up to discuss them with your partner. Because it is common for men to initiate or to lead the sexual aspect of a relationship. Therefore, he leads from his perspective or what works for him without fully understanding what works best for us.
It can lead women to try to keep up with or reject their partner which can create a negative dynamic.
Having our emotional needs met is the key to a woman’s sexual desire engine. Men function differently.
While it is important to communicate your sexual needs early in a relationship, Irene warns against having sex too soon while dating. She points out that once you are being manipulated by all those crazy hormones you will be bonded to a person before you know if they are right for you.
Hormones released during sex can keep you from recognizing potential red flags in a relationship.
Staying sober (free from hormones) during the beginning of a relationship allows us to ask important questions about what the future may look like with a person.
Make a Connection:
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
Marni welcomes a fourth-generation journalist into the Den. Annie Daly has written about travel and wellness for Self, Travel + Leisure, Conde Nast, and she was the Travel Editor at Buzzfeed. During this episode, she shares key elements of her book, Destination Wellness, which includes wellness practices from six different cultures.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Annie met her husband on a camping trip. The original purpose of the trip was a girls-only weekend with the intention of escaping men. It just goes to show, you never know when or how you will meet your match.
About writing her book, Destination Wellness, Annie says she grew tired of the commercialism surrounding well-being and wellness. She knew there were ways to live in balance that had nothing to do with buying products. She decided to travel to six different cultures to learn more about their lifestyle and wellness philosophies. The countries she visited are Jamaica, Norway, Hawaii, Brazil, India, and Japan.
We don't have to buy our way into well-being.
Getting back to basics, embracing nature, and living in the moment are common threads that tie ancient wellness practices together. In other cultures, a wellness lifestyle is built into daily life from the start of life. It is a stark contrast to the U.S.
In Norway, Friluftsliv, or Free, Air, Life is practiced. It’s a shared belief that people should spend as much of their lives outside as possible. Schools are often held outside.
In Jamaica, the Ital philosophy means eating wholesome foods that were sourced locally.
In Hawaii, the spirit of Aloha is about the connection between all human beings, the love between us all. The harmonic culture believes that knowing who you are and understanding your roots helps you cultivate a greater sense of well being.
Philosophy for dating — Knowing who you are is the foundation for what you want to bring to a relationship. Date with Aloha. When you have the spirit of Aloha, you see everyone as a human who seeks and desires love, just like you.
In Japan, Ichigo Ichie means one time, one moment. This culture honors the little moments with someone and gleaning the most meaning from the moments you have.
In India, Ayurveda is a system of healing and honoring yourself as an individual. Identifying your dosha helps you better understand what foods to eat, best practices, workouts, and how to balance yourself in the world. This culture understands that wellness looks different for everyone.
In Brazil, they embrace Saudade. In its raw form, it is an emotional pain that comes from missing someone you love. If someone you love is gone, you suffer from loving them so much and not having them around. This culture holds the value of community over all else.
Make a Connection:
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates