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Life Check Yourself

Each week on the podcast, hear Marni Battista, Founder and CEO of The Institute For Living Courageously, interview the world’s top experts in how to help people live more meaningful and impactful lives.
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Now displaying: February, 2022
Feb 26, 2022

Chris Gillis joins Marni to discuss the juicy dating nuggets from this week’s ho-hum The Bachelor episode. Clayton uses the show’s credit card to Pretty Womanize the contestants, but he is no Richard Gere. The Producers force therapy on the women whether they like it or not, and the probable frontrunner shares too much.

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Meaningful gifts mean more than extravagant gifts
  • Couples don’t go to therapy at the beginning of a relationship
  • Some women stay too long with men who drain their energy
  • Share how you feel without expounding

 

The Pretty Woman Date [2:03] 

The pretense of the Pretty Woman date is to mimic the 1990s classic but falls short on entertainment value because we have evolved into 2022. Clayton, the handsome guy takes women to a fancy store and treats them like princesses. Marni wonders if buying clothes for a woman is really the royal treatment.  

Chris questions whether women like this tactic or not. Marni says women just want to be treated like they are special. That is the key, not the stuff. Attention to detail and thoughtfulness go a long way in wooing a woman.  

Women want to feel special, not bombarded with expensive gifts.

 

Couples Therapy in Vienna [17:52]

In another completely ridiculous setup, Clayton and company are whisked off to Vienna to attend therapy and psychoanalyze each other. Marni points out that couples don’t go to counseling at the beginning of a relationship when they are still happy. The women were expected to open up in front of the cameras and crew, yet Clayton didn't have to share anything. He is given the golden gavel and evaluates them. This type of stunt is merely theatrics. It would never occur in real life.

Genevieve, the contestant who has never had a one-on-one date with Clayton, is asked to blurt out her feelings about him. She says she doesn't like talking about things that make her upset or crying. Even if she is not comfortable with her feelings, she wasn't set up to win. 

When dating there has to be context to be vulnerable. Don't beat yourself up if you can't talk about your feelings on first dates or surprise encounters. 

Marni thinks Genevieve should B-N-R (bless and release) Clayton. Women stay too long with guys who drain their energy. He didn't take time with her therefore she doesn't owe him anything. 

 

Sharing Feelings Without Ultimatums [32:40]

Marni thinks Rachel, the pilot, is the frontrunner. Or at least, it will come down to Rachel and Susie. Rachel is good at reading physical queues and she notices that Clayton lights up when someone says she loves him. It builds him up. Is he just a dufus who needs affirmation? 

Maybe, I love you shouldn't be shared over plastic food with a rose? 

Rachel did a good job of taking responsibility for her 50%. Marni says Rachel shared her feelings with dignity, while Chris felt she went a little too far. 

 

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Feb 25, 2022

Marni welcomes the creator of the everchanging The Adventure Challenge game, Bryant Ellis. He is a risk-taking, rule-breaking high school dropout, entrepreneur, and newly-minted millionaire. As host of The Fail Journal podcast, he is determined to help people process failure as a lesson, not trauma. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Changing the way we process failure
  • Why boundaries are important
  • Releasing shame around failure
  •  Rediscovering passion

 

The Adventure of Failing [1:48]

Bryant had the desire to create a game that was different every time he played it. When he landed on The Adventure Challenge he continued to drill down to make the game more adventurous and make different versions for dating, family, etc. To date, he has sold millions of copies around the world.

His side hustle became The Fail Journal podcast where he talks with people about their failures and how they process them. For Bryant,  failure has always been a numbers game in his head. He says if you process failure as trauma you may not be as willing to take risks again. 

Redirect how you think about failure to set you up for success. 

 

How to Build a Strong Fail Muscle [7:47]

Bryant says to process failure differently we must work at it. It is a journey, not a destination. Releasing the shame is a good place to start. When we change the meaning we give to our failures, we release the fear of taking another risk. Without risk, there is no success.

No opinion should be too precious to change. Approaching life with curiosity is the best way to grow. Do we really have to follow someone else's rules? Bryant thinks the experimentation process is beautiful but many are afraid of it because of potential failure or rejection. 

 

If Bryant Was a Man-Panelist [29:20]

Marni asks — What makes a guy want to go on a second or third date? Bryant wants to have a moment of connection and have fun. First dates can be awkward so he avoids dinner dates. He opts for a nice leisurely stroll instead. He wants to connect with a woman who is independent, meaning she wants to be in a relationship but doesn't need it to feel complete. 

Marni asks Bryant if a woman sleeps with him on the first date, does it send the wrong message? He thinks there is something instinctive in men that they need to pursue or work for something. A guy generally perceives a woman has more value if she has boundaries. He adds that guys notice when women don't adhere to their boundaries. Hollywood romance scenarios rarely take hold. Brian wants to woo and chase. 

The fear of being alone caused him to stay in a relationship for too long. You can use people to meet a need you have instead of actively trying to pursue a connection with intention. His biggest failure was being afraid of being alone. Now, he would rather be alone than be lonely with someone. 

It is healthier to be alone than being lonely in a relationship.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

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Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

@bryant_s_Ellis on Instagram

@thefailjournal on Instagram

The Fail Journal Podcast

Feb 19, 2022

Chris Gillis is back from vacation and rejoins Marni to discuss another episode of this extremely overproduced season of The Bachelor. Several of the main players are emotionally immature, including the leading man. Conversations seem canned, there is a lot of needless crying, and now that Clayton finally gave Shanae the boot, who will keep the drama alive?

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Clayton plays follow the leader
  • How to ask high-quality questions with follow up
  • Crying as a default strategy is not communication
  • Age truly is just a number

 

Clayton is Not a Leading Man [2:25]

In being cast as the title role on The Bachelor, one might assume that Clayton would take on a leadership role and embody some leadership qualities. Unfortunately, his chameleon-like persona doesn’t allow him to take control of anything. He seems lost and unprepared for engagement or marriage. 

In this episode, he finally gives Shanae the boot and then acted embarrassed that he didn’t do it sooner. It is as if he lacks the nads to stand behind his decisions. Showing once again that a handsome beefcake may not be a perfect match.

When Mara talks to Clayton about Sarah’s age, instead of asking Sarah directly if she thinks she is ready to be in a relationship, he poses it as if someone has been putting doubts in his head about her. Of course, Sarah starts crying instead of answering. No one really knows what her objective was for crying so much. Was it because she thinks she is losing? 

Asking direct high-quality questions, no matter how uncomfortable, is always the best course of action.

 

Defaulting to Victim [11:55]

Some women cry as a default strategy when they don’t want to answer a question or face up to their feelings. Crying is not always connected to sadness. Sarah could have expressed herself but she just cried. Therefore, Clayton doesn't know what to do with it. 

Crying can be a healthy expression and release our emotions and tension. It may be being used as a manipulation tool in the case of this show. It shows immaturity and a lack of communication skills. 

In relationships, there are important conversations that need to be had. You should be able to answer your own truth.  

When you say something in line with your values or boundaries and the other person has an emotional reaction, it may be difficult but you are not responsible for how they feel. 

 

The Age Factor [18:33]

No matter what your age or circumstance, you have the potential to be the best catch in the room. We are all just a few mindset shifts away from having it all. Stories and prejudgments stop us from really getting to know people. 

On the show, Mara, 32, continues to bring up her age as if that is why she is not the frontrunner. Then asks Clayton if 23-year-old Sarah is truly ready for a long-term relationship. The truth is Clayton is not into Mara. He may sense that Mara is not truly happy with where she is. She has age dysmorphia and it is unattractive.

Anything is possible no matter how old you are when you are being true to yourself and living your best life. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Feb 18, 2022

Marni welcomes author and personal development expert Gary John Bishop into the Life Check Yourself studio to discuss the impacts of his books and teachings. Gary John describes how we can uncover our personal truth and venture into relationships without blame or baggage. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Let go of the need to be right
  • Living an authentic life
  • How to accomplish extraordinary things
  • Forgiveness equals progress

 

Writing Unfu*k Yourself [1:47]

Gary John did not want to write a book. He resisted when a marketing representative approached him with the idea. He didn't want to write a book called 'Be Great' because that is not his style. He was self-publishing, so he thought who cares what the title is. He was unwilling to do anything or write anything that felt inauthentic. 

If you want to live an extraordinary life, you have to do something extraordinary. 

Most people look at others who do extraordinary things and believe the other people have something special that propels them forward. But people who do extraordinary things are just people who were called to do something bigger and then took the necessary actions to get it done. 

For those called to do extraordinary stuff but don't act, they have to tell themselves the truth. That is when they start to identify how full of shit they have become. When we embrace who we are and what we are about we chip away at the conditioning and programming to expose our authenticity.

It's not about how successful you are with your venture. It's about taking the steps for yourself. Get clear about who you are and what you care about. This is what unfu*king yourself means. People will be drawn to your authenticity. 

 

Love Unfu*ked [14:51]

In relationships, most of us are trying to fix something about ourselves from our past.  We believe a relationship will be the answer we are looking for. Gary John says it is a big part of what draws us to people. It is not that a person is the love of our lives, it is that they are the solution of our lives. They solve something for us. Sometimes they solve problems for us we didn't know we had. 

The first thing to do before you get in any relationship is to get clear about the kind of ‘you’ that is getting into the relationship. You can't go into a new relationship with junk from the past. Consider what you are walking in the door with and what things trigger you? It's not rocket science. When we look back at all of our crappy relationships the common denominator is always us. 

If you take away the bullsh*t you can figure out what drives you to do what you do. 

 

The Life You Are Willing to Put Up With [19:20]

Marni questions Gary John about people who claim to have done the work but just don't implement what they have learned? Gary John says that knowing something doesn't really mean sh*t. Knowledge does not equal awareness. You can know something but still not have come to terms with it or understand the ways it impacts your life. 

You have the life you are willing to put up with. 

We can move, evolve, and change in the face of anything. The secret ingredient is us. If we want our life to be different, we have to be different.  

The only thing that keeps us rooted in the past is blame. We become attached to being right, but we need to move past it. 

It is not hard to forgive ourselves. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Love Unfu*ked

Feb 12, 2022

Dating coach Robbie Kramer joins Marni to share insights and take a deep dive into the dating lessons from the last episode of The Bachelor. Are the producers keeping Shanae around just to make sure fans are awake? If they left it to the dull-edged sword, Clayton, fans might fall asleep. Is bagging a bore enough incentive to keep these beautiful women in the game?

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

 

  • Vulnerability or sob story?
  • Can rugged good looks trump a dull bore
  • What high emotional intelligence looks like
  • Physical touch below the belt during sad conversations

 

             Was That Really Vulnerable? [1:37]

 

When Gaby speaks with her mother reflects on the major difference between vulnerability and telling a sob story. Makes one wonder if the conversations were contrived based on a certain formula the producers put together? Real vulnerability is organic. 

 

Dating tip —  Don’t get stuck in your head while dating. You can be emotionally prepared without being strategic about it. You don't ‘DO’ vulnerability. You can’t put it on like a jacket. 

 

Vulnerability is a natural state of being. 



Vulnerability isn't a sob story or the worst thing that has ever happened to you. Vulnerability is letting the other person know you had a great time on the date. Or, that you really enjoy their company. 

 

Robbie has a soft spot for Gaby because he likes silly jokesters. Marni says the way she presented her vulnerability — blurting out that she has low self-esteem was inappropriate. She could have described examples of the things her low self-esteem has brought about in her life which would have softened the blow for Clayton.

 

Marni recommends sharing in a way that creates connection instead of leaking.  Robbie predicts Clayton will eventually use the information as a get-out-of-jail-free card. Gaby may be regretting saying it. It wasn't a problem before she brought it up but now, it's a thing. 

 

  1. Be authentic
  2. Make a good impression
  3. Don't tell all your deep dark secrets on the first date

 

Boring Hot Guy Syndrome [16:04]

 

Robbie and Marni agree that Clayton is a mix of careful and vanilla. Marni can not imagine that some of these amazing women will be satisfied with someone so plain. Robbie works with good-looking clients who are worse in bed than they think they are. They got laid in HS and college because they were hot but when they start dating women of substance they don't understand why relationships don't pan out.

 

Some ladies stay with a boring hot guy because they think there is potential. Why are these women still dating this dud? 

 

Marni thinks Clayton presents well and he is a bit of a chameleon. There is very little that is unique about him. If a guy is always playing the mirror or being the chameleon and just doing what they need to get by, he robs himself of the opportunity of being authentic. 

 

Clayton is the perfect candidate for a desk job. Where is his stapler?

 

High Emotional Intelligence [23:44]

 

The frontrunner as far as Marni and Robbie see it is the Olympian, Marlena. She didn't get the rose date but she seems to be winning. She shows up authentically. Marni doesn't think Marlena would ever date Clayton IRL. He just doesn't measure up to her. She is funny and cool and handles conflict well which means she has a high level of emotional intelligence.

 

When your vibe or emotional availability isn't at the level of a high-quality person you are not going to attract those people. Clayton may be on the show for the wrong reasons. He can't make decisions, he has low self-esteem, and he gets swayed by whatever is going on around him. He is definitely not ready for a long-term relationship.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Feb 11, 2022

Marni is joined in the Life Check Yourself studio by the author and founder of Careers with Wings, Marcy Morrison. Marcy supports hundreds of people to live the life they love and to create a career from their passion. She also is a speaker at corporate conferences and a facilitator of life coaching workshops. Marcy shares her personal journey and steps for how we can form careers around what makes us happiest.

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • How to make what is important to you first in life
  • Creating more than two options for your career
  • You don’t have to blow up your old life to create a new one
  • Having a create short-term strategy

 

Save the World or Sell Your Soul? [2:22]

Marcy didn't feel she fit into her generation. She always wanted more than the two paths others took.  She felt she only had two options. One, work for a corporation and sell her soul or save the world and live in poverty. She slowly realized that she could do more to save the world with a degree in business than on volunteer journeys.  Shortly after beginning her career, she got pregnant and created Careers with Wings so she could do what she loved at work and at home. 

Many people get caught in the —  I wish I would have —  It’s too late for me now —  I just have to suffer through five more years of this —  syndrome. Marcy says if you don’t change your life no one else will do it for you. Start making a plan now.

 

How to Get Started Living Your Passions [8:26]

Give yourself permission to get your wings and gain your freedom. Marcy thinks many people think of career transitions backward. When you focus on what career you will have and think of your vision for happiness second, you get off on the wrong foot. That is where regrets come from. 

When you know you want to spend more time with your children but your work schedule doesn’t allow it, you are not living your truth. Marcy asks her clients to flip the process and consider what they want in their life,  and then how they can get a career that plays into it. 

Marcy says you can get creative with a short term strategy that doesn’t pigeon hole you into deciding one way or another. Maybe it is a mix of things that will feed your passion. 

Stability is the backbone of exploration. 

Reevaluating what makes you happy and what is important to you at each stage of your life is the number one thing you can do to begin following your passions. Also, keep a journal for flashes of inspiration. What things do you enjoy? What do you have fun doing? Are you doing enough of those things?

Looking for happiness outside of yourself is a waste of time.  You have to love yourself. 

Some people believe they need to blow up everything in their lives and make drastic changes because they don't know how to make incremental changes toward what they want. Marcy’s advice, give yourself a break and take time off to think about it. Make a list and put the simple things at the top. Turn the old way outside down and fill your tank up first.

Put together the pieces of your passion puzzle. 

Life is short. Give yourself the space to dream because the dream is where the magic is. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Careers with Wings

Feb 5, 2022

Dating coach Robbie Kramer joins Marni to share his insights and dive into the dating details from the last episode of The Bachelor, the “Shrimp Gate/Mean Girls” episode. Shanae gets aggressive, again. Clayton seems pretty well put together, yet the producers continue to show a clip of him crying about how broken he is, and no one understands why Rachel is a contestant.

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Guys lose interest in girls who do all the work
  • Being aggressive might get you laid but won’t land a long-term relationship
  • Are men afraid you will outshine them?
  • Being blinded by attraction

 

Look at How Attractive I Am [1:14]

Shanae’s out for blood approach may be catching Clayton’s attention for now, but both Marni and Robbie agree that it is a short-term strategy. If she continues to lead with sex after the oats are sewn, she will be left with unanswered texts and no flowers on Valentines’ Day.

If a guy is grounded in his masculinity, overly aggressive physical behavior will be a turn-off. 

Many women lead with their physical selves because they know it is a sure-fire way to get a man’s attention. Men need much more than that to enter a long-term relationship with someone. The physical invitations lose their value because the guy isn’t required to make an effort. Robbie says a man has to be invested in a woman to make the relationship valuable to him. 

Is some guy you barely know who you want to get validation from? 

 

Being Blind to What Everyone Else Sees [12:40]

Most women have been through the ‘I don’t know what you see in him’ or the ‘Are you sure you want to go through with this?’ conversations with friends and family members. Why do we not see when someone is bad for us when everyone else can?

We get blinded by attraction, which is a stronger emotion than our logic telling us what is good or bad for us in the long run. In the beginning, attraction is so strong it feels like it is the only thing that matters. 

 

Why Do Some Women Love Drama? [28:17]

What is it that makes women jump into the drama and why is there such a need for them to be right? Insecurities and inferior communication skills are what make some women involve themselves in every little argument and sink themselves into the drama.

If a woman creates tension when there doesn't need to be it is a red flag, Robbie says. 

In the episode, Genevieve was pulled into the shrimp-fueled clash, Elizabeth gracefully bowed out, says Robbie. He believes Elizabeth just wants to let it go and Shanae is creating something out of nothing. 

Overall, Marni thinks Clayton is not ready for a quality relationship and he is only keeping Shanae around because he wants to bang her. 

Robbie’s prediction — Watch out for Susie. He likes her vibe and personality. He says she is a great example of how to be cute and adorable.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Feb 4, 2022

Marni welcomes Choyo Wilson-Daniels into the Life Check Yourself studio to discuss what is holding women back from making more money. Choyo is a premier mindset coach who founded Loveshift Coaching for women who want to run their business on their terms. Choyo is a seasoned entrepreneur who teaches her truth from her past struggles as a business owner. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • Removing money blocks
  • Moving from scarcity to abundance
  • Overcoming a fear of money
  • Releasing old programming around money

 

What Holds Women Back from Making More Money? [2:08]

The biggest thing holding women back from not making more money is their belief that they are not enough, they are too old, they need to lose weight, or any other belief that they are not enough. Choyo says many women don’t make decisions until they feel the conditions are just right but then use excuses of why the time isn’t right.

Sometimes the smarter we are, the gap gets wider between what we want and what we actually have in our lives. A lot of women struggle with dreaming big and typically when children come into the picture many women let their dreams die. 

So, where can women start when they feel their circumstances are keeping them stuck? Suspend your conditions. Turn off the programming and act like the roadblocks are not there. 

Go to your imagination (the 4th dimension) and get a clear vision of who and where you want to be, and what you want to be doing. Choyo says to tap into your imagination and go there in your mind. Because once you see the beautiful picture of who you can become it creates emotions and when you feel good you act differently. 

 

Money Blocks [9:04]

Money blocks are generational and develop by the time we are seven or eight years old, Choyo says. If you are an adult who has never re-evaluated their money beliefs you are operating from your parents money beliefs. It is critical to do an evaluation, because many family members were raised during the great depression. They probably have a scarcity mindset which has been passed on from generation to generation. 

If we aren't careful we can pass a scarcity mindset on to our children as well. 

Money beliefs, blocks, paradigms, whatever you want to call it came from your childhood environment. 

 

How to Shift into Abundance [17:50]

The first thing is to become aware of the limiting money beliefs. Then, build a new belief. We have to reverse engineer the beliefs. We need to create a brand new model of what we do want. All of the intention should be focused on your new model. 

Change our relationship with failure. We need to look at failure like we look at success, it is all necessary. De-emphasize failure. Thomas Edison failed 10k times - you have to be willing to fail and take risk again. Tuning into the signal. 

Set a money goal and create an affirmation around it. Repeat the affirmation all day and get comfortable with it in your life. 

See yourself as who you want to be to make it so. 

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Choyo Daniel 

Loveshift Coaching on Facebook

Choyo Wilson-Daniel on LinkedIn

@Loveshift_Coaching on Instagram

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