Marni welcomes the CEO of Marriage Helper and Host of the podcast, It Starts with Attraction, Kimberly Beam Holmes to the Life Check Yourself studio. Kimberly has a Master's in Psychology and for over 10 years she has been researching the ways attraction affects people personally and the relationships they hold near and dear to their hearts.
Key takeaways from this episode:
How to dig deep into another person through curiosity
The Love Path method
Be compassionate before you rule a guy out
How to reignite the attraction of a spouse or significant other
The Phases of Falling and Staying in Love [2:43]
Most people don’t know that there is a process to falling in love. They often think it is just chemistry or a pre-destined soulmate but in reality, any two people who follow Kimberly's process will fall in love. On the flip side of that, if a couple steps away from the process they could start falling out of love.
At Marriage Helper, Kimberly’s team helps couples fall back in love. The Love Path method is researched-based and time-tested. There are four steps in the Love Path:
P.I.E.S. Attraction
Acceptance
Attachment
Aspiration
The more people focus on body appearance the more their self-worth decreases.
Trust is paramount in a relationship. We can’t break down our protective walls until we know that another person loves us for who we truly are. We all need to be accepted for our true selves.
Long-term relationships are made up of people who share visions, aspirations, and goals for their future together. When we start dating we tend to have shared goals but after time as we achieve our goals, many couples get bogged down in careers, kids, and chores.
Life can pull us apart if we are not intentional about keeping our relationship together.
Make a Connection:
Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!
Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates
Marni welcomes Sex and Relationship Coach Melanie Curtin into the Life Check Yourself studio. Melanie is a writer with a Master’s from Stanford. She has been featured on the Today show, New York Observer, and she hosts the Dear Men Podcast: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Four reasons women are afraid to give men feedback about sex
Can chemistry be created when none exists
Tips for speaking up about what feels good
Where most men get their sexual training and why it’s bad for women
Research Says To Have Better Sex… [1:06]
Melanie started collecting data about feelings and communication with surveys embedded in her articles. She wanted to hear from other women about their sexual experiences with men, specifically if they had ever broken up with a man because of the sex.
Many of the women she surveyed said yes they did break up with men because of the sex. When asked if they offered feedback to the men they broke up with they said no, they were afraid to give men feedback.
There are four reasons women are afraid to give men feedback about sex. Melanie shares three:
They are afraid they will be attacked or shamed.
The man will withdraw and leave.
The man will compare them to another woman.
Consider feedback as an opportunity to make an adjustment rather than to take it personally. Many men feel that they should already know what they are doing. But, men are also getting most of their sexual examples from porn and porn is severely inaccurate when it comes to the time it takes a woman to achieve arousal.
It can take women over three times longer to reach full physiological arousal than men.
Can Chemistry in a Relationship Be Created? [29:28]
Melanie works with a lot of men. She says, in our culture, many men don’t show up in their full vitality and are disconnected from their power. If there isn’t chemistry at first kiss Melanie says to make sure you are fully in your feminine first and then try again. She doesn’t have a strong opinion either way on whether women should give it a second chance.
How a Woman Can Tell a Man What Feels Good [36:36]
Melanie offers up two ways women can help guide men into having a better sexual experience for both partners.
1. Mention what works for you aka positive reinforcement.
2. Let men say what works for them and ask them what their favorite part of sex was.
Figuring out your partner and how they get turned on is an act of love.
Make a Connection:
Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!
Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates
Marni welcomes fellow podcast dating host Amber Grubenmann to the Life Check Yourself studio. Amber is the creator of the highly-rated Women’s Dating and Confidence Podcast plus she helps ladies go from just dating to exclusive through her coaching programs.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Why women have sex before they are ready
Tips for creating a long-term, meaningful relationship
Exploring your inner sexiness
Men’s expectations around sex
Set the Stage for the Type of Relationship You Want [1:50]
Amber shares some of the most common comments she hears from the women she works with about their mindset around why they have had sex early in a relationship or when they may not be ready:
If he has sex with me it means he likes me.
I need to show him how good it is.
If he doesn’t get it from me, he’s going to get it from someone else.
I need to see if we are sexually compatible.
If I don’t have sex with him, I will disappoint him.
Amber tells her clients that if they want to go from dating to exclusive, to introduce sex once they feel confident and secure in a relationship.
There are things you can do in dating that increase the probability of a certain type of relationship.
How to Cultivate the Right Mindset [10:28]
Relationships are a human need and men really want them. Taking the time in the early stages of a relationship to see if a man has the emotional qualities you are looking for will give you the opportunity to explore the sexual connection.
Clarifying your intentions can make the relationship road smoother throughout the entire journey. So explore the person you are dating through conversation. If a relationship starts to feel amazing and you don’t have the conversation, the guy may not be on the same page.
To get what you want, you have to talk about it and ask for it.
Bringing Sexy Back [18:02]
Everyone wants to feel sexy. But, often we have things that hold us back from feeling fully into our sexuality. Amber offers some tips women can use to get comfortable with their bodies and their sexuality.
Have a self-pleasure practice to learn what you like and what turns you on.
Consider what are the factors that allow you to enhance or disrupt your feeling sexual? What factors allow your nervous system to relax?
Inner sexiness is unconditional and different for all of us.
Many women believe that men have certain expectations around sex because some have felt the pressure to have sex at some point in their lives. But, sex will never create security in a connection. So, if you are looking for a long-term commitment, leading with sex doesn’t give you the emotional security you need for long-term happiness.
If you want a meaningful relationship, don’t treat it casually.
Make a Connection:
Plug Into Your Superpower Retreat — Apply at DatingwithDignity.com/pluginform
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book — How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
Women’s Dating And Confidence Podcast
Marni and Chris are joined by Reality Rayna aka Marni’s daughter Rayna Battista to recap Love on the Spectrum, a reality dating show with neurodiverse contestants. This is Chris’s favorite reality dating show because the daters are obsessed with the truth and are authentic. Marni says neurotypical daters do the same things but it’s all happening on the inside.
Key takeaways from this episode:
The beauty of honesty in relationships
How to be coachable
Finding something fun to do for a first date
Not taking things personally
Dani has her own business, loves animation, and is dead set on finding someone. She holds high standards for herself and others. She is high-functioning on the autism scale. She says she wants a business partner, lover, and best friend!
Solomon is attractive, into spirituality, and also high-functioning on the autism scale. On their first date, Dani & Solomon have crazy physical chemistry. They kiss a lot! But it throws Dani off. She wasn’t prepared for so much physical attraction. She got overwhelmed.
Dani exhibits every inner feeling of any woman going on a date with a hot guy. But she has no inner monologue, so she says to Solomon “You are so hot. I love you” and, “I think you are my person” on their first two dates. Then after date number two, she puts on the brakes. She may have sabotaged the relationship and put her guard up because it was too much, too fast.
We sabotage great possibilities because we get emotionally attached and scared. It’s a protective mechanism. We need to get clear about what we really want.
Next, Dani goes on a date with Adan. He seems to be everything she is looking for but she doesn’t find him attractive.
Subodh, Abbey, Rachel, & David [17:58]
A giant dating lesson from these dates is that dinner is not the best way to get to know another person. Subodh and Abbey went on really fun dates. They both love animals so they went to the zoo. They both enjoyed themselves and it got them out of their comfort zones in a nice way.
Also, the couples used a basic communication style which is what creates connection. Sure, Abbey got nervous when she went out with David because we all get nervous on a date when sharing things about ourselves.
Just because you are neurotypical, doesn’t mean you are supposed to know how to make connections and create intimacy.
A great example of how not to take things personally is when David asks Abbey for some of the candy he brought her and she tells him no. He says “OK. It’s probably not good for me anyway.” Abbey knows how to say no at the moment which is monumental for not feeling resentment later.
Breaking Up with Dignity and Respect [28:58]
A high-quality person will communicate even when it is bad news. For example, Dani knows it is going to hurt Solomon’s feelings when she tells him she isn’t interested in dating him again. It is hard for her to do but she respects him enough to tell him.
It is important to be forthright and treat your date the way you want to be treated.
Another example is after the medieval date, James asks Emma if she wants to go out on another date and she says “No. I think we should just be friends.” It is so brave. There are no excuses, only truth.
When you don’t say what you feel. You are assuming the other person can’t handle the truth. It’s disrespectful.
Make a Connection:
Plug Into Your Superpower Retreat — Apply at DatingwithDignity.com/pluginform
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast — Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book — How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
Marni speaks to a 5 Keys to Becoming Irresistible program graduate about how she found the love of her life in her 40s. After finishing the program, Naomi met her fiance and soon-to-be father of her child on a dating app. She shares what she was missing before joining the program, what she learned during the program, and how she applied the knowledge to meet the love of her life.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Don’t give up on your dreams.
All men are not the same.
Reach out for help when you have tried everything.
Stop sabotaging yourself.
Giving Up Without Putting Your Best Self Out There [2:11]
Naomi remembers she was 43 and in a rough place. She had been in a long-term relationship that couldn’t last. She got really attached to a guy she had only dated for a week. She knows she wanted kids but her biological clock was ticking. She was even trying to get pregnant on her own with some of the guys she dated.
When you realize you are starting to accept that you may not be able to achieve your dreams, that's when it's time to double down.
Be All You Can Be [6:28]
Naomi had looked online but what drew her to the 5 Keys to Becoming Irresistible program was the vibe that this program was going to be about how she could be the best person she could be to draw in the right person at the right time. She wanted to be in the right headspace to navigate a solid relationship.
There comes a time when you are the common denominator.
During the program, Naomi found the narrowing down of the qualities she was truly looking for super helpful and how to get vulnerable during the dating process. She even got help from Helen, so she could text just the right thing after the program ended.
Biggest Takeaways from the Program [28:48]
Naomi says she may have missed out on THE guy if you generalize all men as the same. Her advice for other ladies who may be ready to give up:
Have an open mind.
Don't make excuses.
Don’t want something so badly that you try to make someone something they are not.
Be brave enough to wait for the right person.
Her biggest takeaways from the 5 Keys program:
She has a greater sense of who she is.
She gained clarity about what she wanted.
She put herself in situations where she would meet more people.
Make a Connection:
Plug Into Your Superpower Retreat — Apply at DatingwithDignity.com/pluginform
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Learn how to attract your perfect equal… watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast — Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book — How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates