Marni is joined by Chris Gillis and Dr. Emily to discuss the Hometown episode of the Bachelorette. Everyone on the internet is wondering why this season is such a letdown. What started as somewhat interesting has turned into a car wreck. You don’t want to look but you can’t turn away. Let’s find out how Gabby and Rachel navigated their guys’ families on their turf.
Takeaways from this episode:
Each contestant has the option of visiting the hometown of four guys. Gabby only chose to do three hometowns and is making quite the stir about it. She never lets on about why she didn’t meet four families but it may imply she already knows who she is choosing as her partner.
Marni questions why two of the guys, Jason and Johnny, who got all the way to this point tell their parents they don't think they can marry Gabby in the near future. Gabby insists she is ready for a long-term relationship.
When you are ambivalent or unclear about your vision and core values you will attract people who are the same.
Gabby displays a pinkish flag when she asks Jason’s family if there is a side of Jason that she isn’t seeing. Dr. Emily points out that the three guys Gabby has chosen are vastly different types of guys. Is Gabby trying on different types of guys to see what fits her best?
Marni says Gabby is amazing and needs to get over her feelings of being broken.
Gabby tells Erich she is falling in love with him!
While Rachel took advantage of all four of her hometown opportunities, she should have saved Tyler time, energy, and heartbreak and skipped his. For their date, Tyler had all of his friends at the hot dog stand and Rachel tells him goodbye. Dr. Emily thinks Rachel wanted to be interested in Tyler but just couldn't get there.
It’s a bummer Tyler said I love you before Rachel broke up with him. Her communication skills definitely need some work. She is such a people pleaser she prolonged the news for much too long. She should have given Tyler a little more respect.
If a guy is great on paper but you are not into him and this happens over and over again, you need to Life Check Yourself!
Of the three guys left, Marni and Dr. Emily believe Rachel should choose Zach. He may be plain vanilla but he shows the most promise. But she is likely to choose Tino even after the somewhat defeating hometown visit with him.
Did Tino’s family know he went on a reality show? Considering they think the concept of a reality dating show is silly. Rachel reacts victimy and takes their comments personally choosing to believe that it is more about her than the concept.
Will Gabby bow out and leave the crown to Rachel?
Make a Connection:
Marni is joined by Mindset Manifestation Coach, Efia Sulter. Efia is a content creator with good vibes. She empowers ambitious women to stop playing small and access their innate magic to have an expansive reality to live the life they want, not the life they feel they are supposed to. Fully surrender to manifest the future you’ve always wanted.
Takeaways from this episode:
Efia says as a teenager, she believed she wanted to have a “normal” life that mirrored everyone else she knew. In her 20s, she discovered she did not like living her life based on what everyone else did or had and transformed herself into a person who would live life on her own terms. She says the question that changed her life was “Who do I want to be?”
A common misconception about manifestation is that there is a reward system or end goal associated with it.
Manifestation is more than doing the things you are supposed to be doing or what other people tell you to do. It is about considering what you feel or what you want to create.
Arrival fallacy is the belief that happiness will only come when we achieve a goal or reach a destination. But, being in the moment and celebrating who we are in the present is what should be savored in life.
Efie describes the beauty of the journey IS the icing on the cake of life. Attaching personal worth and identity to outcomes, it is easy to forget the beauty of now.
Mantra: I surrender the outcome because I know whatever happens I will be okay.
The more we can tap into the feeling of trusting our intuition, trusting the guidance, and having faith in something unseen, that is how we manifest in our lives. We can unlock the codes to success and happiness.
Elia describes her Vibes method. In it, she assists clients in creating a personal manifestation blueprint. She says many people start their manifestation process by setting intentions. The first step of the Vibe method is embodying the vibe of our higher self. Doing this step first keeps us anchored to our intentions, keeps us on our path, and ensures our intentions are in integrity with what we want to create.
Everything in life can have intentionality to it!
Make a Connection:
Marni and Chris break down episodes 1‒5 of the latest season of the Bachelorette. Gabby and Rachel may not be as mature as some of the guy contestants. Tyler is young but so manly, Tino is the frontrunner, and Zach is too nice for Rachel. Eric, Jason, and Johnny are all Gabby has left. Listen in for all the other juicy nuggets derived from this season and prepare for next week’s Hometown segment.
Takeaways from this episode:
Navigating relationship conflict
The downside of self-doubt
How sexy should a date be
Using King and Queen to describe a date
Genuinely loving the person you versus just liking the attention they give you
Chris and Marni are now into week 5 of the Bachelorette and it seems to be Groundhog day. The same situations, the same conversations, and the same old issues are starting to wear on viewers. Gabby continues to stress out and Rachel still has no self-confidence. When will it end? When will the ladies work through their issues and grow up?
Understanding your wants and needs about having children is something you have clarity about before actively dating. Plus, Marni says don’t date someone who doesn’t share this value with you. This is something that can come back to bite you, no matter how much you think you made yourself clear.
Rachel is a successful career woman. She actively brings up her career but in a weird way. When she asks Tyler, he says that he will happily stay at home with the kids and let her be the breadwinner. Chris feels like Tyler was just trying to be agreeable and maybe not sincere about his offer to take care of everything.
Marni wants to know why Rachel is seemingly strong and courageous but when it comes to being rejected or in doubt about a guy she falls into “I’m not good enough” and self-doubt. Where is her resilience and fortitude in personal situations? It may be because she focuses on what she doesn’t have and not what she has. It will take a toll on her dating life.
How Sexy Should a Date Be? [23:39]
The Bachelorette took the sexy too far with the armpit-smelling and whipped cream nipple scenes. It was so uncouth that Marni admits to fast-forwarding through the scenes. Tantric sex workshops and watching sexy movies are not good first dates. Sexy talk does not set a relationship up with its best foot forward.
Based on the language of the contestants on the show, it is unnecessary to call each other King or Queen when dating. Even though these terms bleed over from the ultra-romantic Latin culture, it doesn’t fit into everyday dating situations. Marni and Chris agree that King and Queen are now throwaway words and should carry more weight.
Are you happy with the man you are with or do you just like the attention?
Make a Connection:
Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!
Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates
Marni welcomes a certified Applied Neurology Practitioner who moves people out of pain, unwanted behavior, and stress response. Elisabeth Kristof is the founder of Brain-Based Wellness, an online platform that trains your nervous system and body to resolve old patterns, improve performance, and increase your well-being.
Takeaways from this episode:
Tools to regulate the nervous system
How to modify attachment styles
What a well-functioning nervous system looks like
How to respond instead of reacting
Regulating the Nervous System [2:03]
It is normal for humans to experience stress; by design, we are not supposed to be even-keel all the time. The problem comes when we get stuck in chronic states of stress and threat responses. It causes our nervous system to pump out hormones like cortisol and adrenaline which are not intended to be long-term solutions.
Too much stress for too long comprises the nervous system.
Elisabeth describes the different fear-stress responses our bodies go into and how they are translated into everyday life, including dating. These responses are reactive. We don’t consciously consider our actions during an extreme stress response. This can make us seem CRA. It triggers unhealthy love bonds we formed in childhood.
All behavior and attachment styles are survival-driven. This is how our brain keeps us healthy and safe.
A Well-Functioning Nervous System [16:42]
A well-functioning nervous system is able to modulate and change from different states. It should be able to accurately interpret real threats from a non-threatening situation. A well-functioning nervous system properly interprets threats, then produces an appropriate output.
A dysregulated nervous system keeps us stuck. It causes us to overeat, for our thoughts to be cloudy, and other drastic responses that don’t depict who we really are and what we really feel.
What does life look like when we are not constantly regulating our nervous systems to get back to baseline?
How Applied Neurology Reduces Stress [22:21]
Elisabeth practices Applied Neurology. Applied Neurology is the latest in brain science transformed into practical, actionable practices. It helps her clients take care of their operating systems by giving them good stimuli that create a new normal. She shares a practice we can do anywhere to help us regulate our nervous systems so we don’t react in a manner inconsistent with our personality.
Giving ourselves a positive stimulus for 3‒5 minutes helps the body discharge stress.
Make a Connection:
Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!
Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates
Marni and Chris Gillis celebrate the best dating and relationship tips gleaned from the finale of Love Island and the new Bachelorette. If you haven’t finished bingeing on Love Island yet, you will hear some spoilers.
Dating takeaways from this episode:
Overcoming relationship challenges
Repairing trust
Building connections
The issues that come from taking things personally
Becoming rejection-proof
Spoiler Alert — If you are still watching Love Island episodes on Hulu, skip ahead to the Bachelorette recap!
One of the reasons Marni likes Love Island is that for eight weeks the couples get a chance to build connections, resolve conflicts, repair trust, and set boundaries. Few other reality shows allow couples to have this extended time together and it mirrors what we all might experience in real-life dating.
The last few episodes highlight how struggles or bumps in the road can bring couples closer together. It is how they navigate the conflict and resolve it that allows for a stronger bond on the other side.
Tasha and Andrew were great examples of the transformation that can happen when couples are there for each other. Tasha no longer pines for external validation because Andrew fought for her.
When dating you will encounter people who judge your choices. Having healthy boundaries and trusting your gut can help you through.
Fortunately, The Bachelorette updated the show’s format, which makes it watchable again. Marni and Chris discuss the major differences between Gabby and Rachel. Marni points out that Gabby has obviously been doing personal development work yet both ladies are leaking a bit. Chris reminds us that no matter what happened in the past it is important to hang in there and never give up.
Personal development work helps all aspects of life including dating and relationships.
This season reminds us how important it is to give a new relationship some space. If we are always trying to rule a guy out we may be missing out on a high-quality guy.
Make a Connection:
Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!
Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates