Marni welcomes former Hustle Culture Devotee, Sara McElroy to the Life Check Yourself Studio. Sara is an ex-Chief Marketing Officer, the WSJ poster girl for a pandemic career burn-out, and a two-time member of the great resignation. After a stress-induced shingle diagnosis in 2021, Sara decided to hit the reset button on her life. While looking for alignment in her life, she created Raze to Rise to amplify women’s voices, and inspire others to blaze new trails.
Takeaways:
Sara reveals that during the beginning of her corporate career she didn’t have self-trust. She was the quintessential corporate soldier. She outsourced her power and agency and put her future in the hands of the corporation she worked for.
Sara says we get to the breaking point more quickly when we know what we are willing to tolerate and what we are not. Our dissatisfaction becomes a muscle that flexes when something is not in alignment.
Good-girl conditioning is very real. We are rewarded for being obedient and not asking troublesome questions.
We get stuck in unfulfilling jobs if we have not been taught to make choices that are good for us. She knew she wasn’t the only woman mired in cycles of burn-out.
Sara created the phrase Raze to Rise when she rebuilt her life based on what she wanted, not what she was told to want. She says the belief system we pick up from others can be insidious because we operate our lives based on someone else's belief of what success is.
And, while it is important not to require external validation in general, it is exceptionally important not to have it in your career because it can create a pseudo-addiction to the meaningless atta-girls.
There is nothing wrong with taking baby steps in the direction you want to go.
Marni asks what is driving women to quietly quit. Is it a passive-aggressive maneuver or is it the beginning of a movement toward change? Sara says while it seems counterproductive to some it is a step forward for those who haven’t built up their self-confidence yet.
Sara created a six-stage journey for people ready to go through the process of walking away. The rumbling of quiet quitting can be akin to disillusionment, or not being in alignment with what you are doing at the moment. She says while some people have a lightbulb moment and others approach it as quietly quitting. It is just the first step toward enlightenment.
It is beautiful when we acknowledge the bars of the cage we created for ourselves.
Make a Connection:
Marni and Chris discuss the fired-up season finale of the Bachelorette 2022. Marni is a bit perturbed about how it seems women on the show can do no wrong and making the guys look like villains is acceptable. Rachel tears into Tino after learning of an indiscretion and then breaks up with him. Then, Gabby turns the other cheek and gives Erich a fighting chance even after learning about his offenses.
Takeaways:
Tips for breaking up when it is the right thing to do
How to question someone with empathy
Owning up to an indiscretion
Compassion and Forgiveness
The Rachel-Tino Breakup [2:39]
The projection of Rachel as the queen and making Tino appear to be the villain undermines all the good communication and healthy relationship advice Marni has ever taught. Rachel didn’t handle the breakup with dignity. Tino was trying so hard to express himself but he just couldn’t get there. Rachel was emotionally unavailable and Tino felt insecure. So Tino goes out and kisses someone else.
It is not OK that Tino kissed someone else.
Rachel couldn't identify the problem to work with Tino to solve it. She was triggered and couldn't communicate.
People on Twitter are beating up Tino about having a journal. Marni says Tino acknowledged what he did, validated Rachel, and then apologized for his actions. When she doesn’t accept his apology she breaks up with him and then instantly regrets her actions. It was unnecessarily painful.
Sometimes people need to break up. All relationships are not meant to be. Chris reminds everyone the contestants are real people with real feelings. Most people, especially online, have disregarded Tino’s feelings. Did Tino just want to win and crush it? As one user observed, did he realize he wouldn’t become the Bachelor?
Rachel had a unique opportunity to be empathic and asked Tino what was going on. She could have questioned his motives for kissing the other girl, but she didn’t. Chris says Rachel took it personally and was angry. Neither Rachel nor Tino could regulate themselves or manage their emotions.
If you are going in a circle with your partner and can’t seem to resolve your issues, maybe it is time to do work independent of each other.
The producers of the show needed a hero so badly that they ignored all of Erich’s misgivings. Luckily Erich and Gabby seem like they like each other. Gabby appreciated Erich’s honesty and told him so. Rachel should have had a similar conversation with Tino.
Gabby accepts that Erich isn’t perfect but is still willing to have a relationship.
Compassion and forgiveness are the keys to love.
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Marni welcomes Eva Selhub into the Life Check Yourself Studio. Beyond having explanatory superpowers, Eva is a Board Certified Physician, Speaker, Scientist, Author, and Executive Leadership and Performance Coach who served as an Instructor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School. She specializes in Corporate Wellness and Resilience. She provides clients the guidance to use their powerful gifts to translate complex information and make it practical and usable.
Takeaways:
Six Pillars to Cultivating Resilience
How to make decisions in your best interest
Choosing joy and curiosity
Accepting the dark and light sides of ourselves
The Keys to Faith & the Mechanics of Resilience
In Eva’s books, she describes her struggles and how she looks at them as opportunities for growth, and change. It’s what resilience is all about, she says. Feeling knocked down for being a woman in academia, she found herself in a male-oriented, structured box. She recognized others were threatened by her and her ideas. They thought she was too much, too loud, too everything.
Eva says for her it is about growth, exploration, love, richness, curiosity, and creativity. She chose joy, and passion, and was smart about it.
Eva says the question of what we are supposed to be doing is a construct created by a man. In the past, men thought women were supposed to be domesticated, wear dresses, have children, and play a certain role.
Women can get caught up in doing everything they believe will help them get what they want, but do they really know what they want?
It’s important to honor and have compassion for your feelings, both positive and negative. In a negative mindset, we lose access to our acquired skill set and inherent tools. We lose access to the support that can raise us up and out of the negativity.
6 Pillars to Help Cultivate Resilience
Resilience is a double-edged sword. It has a dark side and a bright side. The dark side is burnout. It is when we keep getting hit over and over again (much like we did during the pandemic). The bright side of resilience is called flourishing, or a state of flow. Eva created the Six Pillars to Help Cultivate Resilience to help people understand how to make opportunities out of their struggles.
Ask yourself — Am I fueling myself to thrive or die?
The body whispers before it screams and it whispers through our senses.
Energy & Vibration Are Everything
If we believe in the law of attraction, or manifestation, then we know everything is about vibration, aka energy. Eva says if we want to find out why we might be stuck in old-seated beliefs that either come from our upbringing, meditations and healings can reprogram our underlying belief system until it no longer exists.
When we embrace the light we begin attracting different circumstances and relationships.
Make a Connection:
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Marni, Chris Gillis, and Dr. Emily discuss the emotional trainwreck that was last week’s Bachelorette. Beyond Rachel and Gabby needing therapy, they believe the guys who are left to be high-quality guys. Lessons strained out of the cold soup that was this episode include being realistic about what makes a good, long-term relationship and being present when important milestones are happening.
Takeaways from this episode:
Be clear about what you want early in a relationship
Always ask the follow-up question — What do you mean exactly?
How to spot a high-quality guy
Feeling lovable even when you have childhood trauma
It’s All About Expectations [1:30]
Marni points out that this episode brings to light something many people struggle with — Making sure the person they are interested in has the same expectations and is looking for the same thing as they are. And, the importance of always asking the follow-up question — What do you mean by that exactly?
During this episode, we find out that five of the six guys don’t want to be engaged. The contestants seem to believe that winning is what is important and the connection with the other person doesn’t seem to matter. Case in point, Rachel’s mind is melting because she just wants a proposal.
Sometimes we get attached to what we think we want and we are not being present to what is actually happening.
There are two seemingly high-quality guys making a reasonable ask of Rachel. They want to see where she lives first. Aven passionately says he is not rejecting Rachel but she doesn't seem to be listening to him. Rachel told her family she was not going home until she was engaged. Dr. Emily says Aven seemed like the perfect guy but Rachel rejected him because he wouldn’t decide within 48 hours.
Rachel needs some training on how to be empathetic, how to be more direct, and how to speak her needs without manipulating guys.
Conflict in a relationship can be healthy but you need to know how to get back to compatibility.
Gabby Can’t Prove She is Lovable [18:51]
Just the slightest bit of love and attention becomes overwhelming to Gabby. Even though she seems hell-bent on proving how unlovable she is, Dr. Emily says Gabby's identity is so tightly tied to her trauma and wounding that every action she takes is colored by her limiting core belief.
It’s impossible to find someone to fill the hole in your soul.
Gabby regurgitates her limiting beliefs too many times for her to ever break free of them. Chris says she may need too many hours of therapy before she can handle her 50% of a relationship.
Why Did Gabby and Rachel Not Find Love? [29:35]
Marni poses the question — Why did Rachel and Gabby end up with guys who are not ready to commit to a relationship?
Chris thinks it was rushed. He says that everyone loves Gabby but she can’t shake her issues of not knowing what to make of being loved. Marni thinks Rachel only chooses guys who choose her. It may feel safe to her because she knows the guys are already interested. Dr. Emily thinks Aven is a high-quality dude that Rachel isn’t ready for.
Be clear about what you want and ask for it early on in a relationship.
Make a Connection:
Marni welcomes Certified Master Coach Angie Hooper into the Life Check Studio to talk about letting things go. Angie shows professionals proven strategies to get to the roots of their stress, make values-based decisions, and make great relationships with their customers. She worked 20-plus years in corporate America for international publicly-traded companies. She shares how we can let go of past regrets, build mastery over stress, and unlock our intuition.
Takeaways from this episode:
The path to forgiveness
How to say I’m sorry
Transform a pain story into a hero’s story
Waiting for an apology is a waste of time
Is justice really revenge?
Angie created the forgiveness path when she was working with a client who was extremely angry at her ex-husband. The client couldn’t focus on the task at hand because a cloud of anger was getting in the way. Angie says we all may know that “forgive and forget” is commonly suggested during times of resentment; many people don’t realize how freeing it is.
Her client was putting all of her spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical energy into the past. It left very little energy left for the present or the future. She was giving someone else her power.
Our suffering does not impact the amount of suffering someone else endures.
Waiting for an Apology is a Waste of Time [13:19]
Waiting for an apology gives away control over our emotional state. We often give away our power to someone who has proven they don’t have our best interest at heart. They don’t deserve our power! When we get on the forgiveness path we pull back our power.
We judge apologies and the sincerity level of the apologizer.
When we are the injured party, insincere apologies can reinjure us. We judge the size of our pain against the size of the apology. When we do the forgiveness work we can make a clear decision about a path forward. A myth people have about forgiveness is thinking that it involves more than just them.
Angie says that a good way to get clear about what we need to forgive is to remember that the person we want to forgive probably remembers the same story differently.
Transform a pain story into a hero’s story.
Letting go of our need to be right will get us unstuck more deeply and faster than anything else we can do. We need to be willing to free ourselves by separating ourselves from our need to be right or win.
Make a Connection:
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Watch a free preview of The Leadership HABIT on Onest Network
Chris Gillis and Dr. Emily join Marni to talk about what could be the best episode of the Bachelorette in a decade. Marni was at the edge of her seat. When the characters don’t play by the rules it causes conflict and breaks the format in a new way. Gabby’s plan is upended by her own insecurities, Jason just wants followers, and Rachel doesn’t have an authentic bone in her body.
Takeaways from this episode:
Quit sabotaging your relationships
How to spot a player who thinks he is a quality casual.
Rachel becomes the female Clayton.
Don’t make excuses, just tell a guy you are not interested.
Gabby claims she is looking for a long-term relationship but she can’t seem to get out of her own way. While she recognizes her fear of being unlovable, she is creating her reality by wallowing in self-doubt.
Johnny and Jason are both out. Johnny freely admits he is a player who is not looking to be engaged. Jason, on the other hand, is a player who pretends he is a quality casual guy.
Chris’s theory is that Gabby got what was coming to her. She accepted the crumbs Jason tossed out and didn’t ask for more because she doesn’t feel worthy of love. She led with her guard up and almost predicted that guys would leave her and that is what is happening.
Gabby is a poster child for what not to do in dating.
Even though the internet doesn’t agree, Marni and Chris understand that Rachel is the female Clayton. Zach calls her inauthentic, probably because she oozes fakeness. She has led Zach on only to call him out about his age at the rose ceremony.
It is clear Rachel will not choose Zach. Dr. Emily questions what Rachel gets out of it and why she leads him on if she is not into him. Chris sternly advises women to not put a guy through that type of run-around. Don’t make lame excuses or put insincere obstacles in his way. Just be honest about how you feel and let a guy heal.
Rachel needs to get over herself. She wants everyone to be in love with her.
Rachel will probably choose Tino. Marni thinks he has been in love with Rachel since their first kiss.
Make a Connection:
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Marni welcomes Dr. Megan Rossi, aka The Gut Health Doctor, into the Life Check Yourself studio. As a Registered Dietician, Dr. Rossi is one of the most influential gut health specialists in the world. She is a nutritionist, a leading research fellow at King’s College in London, and the founder of the Gut Health Clinic. Her book, The Gut Health Doctor: An Easy-to-Digest Guide to Health from the Inside Out, is a must-read for those looking to be their best self.
Takeaways from this episode:
Nourishing the brain through the gut
Health benefits of pre and probiotics
Should we eat superfoods?
Tips for adding plants to a diet
How Food Connects to Our Emotional Wellbeing [2:10]
Nutrition has systemic benefits for every organ in our body. Gut bacteria do more than people realize. So what we feed them has a direct cause on how they can help us. Nutritionists today understand much better than in the past the connection between the gut and the brain. Hence the term gut instinct.
Food can not only taste amazing it can also do amazing things for the body.
Megan shares the key principles of her book, How to Eat More Plants, and explains the difference between prebiotics and probiotics.
30-Plant Points a Week [12:07]
Megan shares findings from a U.S. research study that found people who ate more than 30 different plants a week had better gut health than those that ate the same ten veggies on repeat. It didn’t matter if the person was a vegan or omnivore. It was the plant diversity that made the difference. Each different type of plant has hundreds of benefits for different gut bacteria.
If you only ate superfoods you would limit your bacterial diversity.
Tips for Adding Extra Plants to a Diet [22:19]
In her book, The Gut Health Doctor: An Easy-to-Digest Guide to Health from the Inside Out, Megan offers tips and tricks that help add more plants to a diet. It includes a 28-day plant challenge, how to consume legumes without bloating, and recipes that add plants to everyday meals without a hassle.
Make a Connection:
Join our Ignite Your Life event! Happening October 14‒16 2022! Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
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How to Eat More Plants: Transform Your Health with 30 Plant-Based Foods per Week (and Why It’s Easier Than You Think)
Marni and Chris Gillis break down the ad-laden, commercial-driven, brand partner extravaganza that was this week’s Bachelorette. Fortunately, there were some important dating nuggets in the show for Marni to extract but for the most part, after watching viewers felt compelled to book a cruise with a Kardashian.
Takeaways from this episode:
Dating 101: Lead with you, not your children if you have them
Say what you feel when you feel it
Get rejection-proof
Men aren’t as well-versed in being emotionally vulnerable
During the episode, Gabby breaks up with Nate because she doesn’t want to be a mom or think she will be a good mom. Marni gives kudos to Nate for not trying to change Gabby’s mind. That is just not something you can change somebody’s mind about. Nate said that his daughter is his light and he wants someone who will share that. He wants someone who wants to be a mom.
But, in the past, Nate dated someone and didn’t tell them he had a kid. Chris asks Marni what a good time frame is for people dating to bring up their children and strategies for how to weave it into the conversation.
Marni shares why she loved Nate’s response when he was asked about it and her thoughts on DWC or Dating with Children.
If you have kids and are dating, lead with yourself.
What Are You Waiting For? [18:25]
Everyone, including the producers, is trying to make Logan a bad guy. All he did was regret not saying how he felt when he felt it. Should he have bowed out before the rose ceremony? Yes, probably. But, based on the preview for next week’s episode, Johnny and Jason are more guilty for not sharing what they are feeling. Will they really tell Gabby they are not ready for a relationship? They signed up for The Bachelorette!
Ladies, make sure the guy you are with has the same relationship goals.
Logan did leave the rose ceremony to go and talk with Gabby. Rachel took it personally. If Logan had told her before the ceremony, it wouldn’t have been such a huge deal. If you can date and be rejection-proof to the point of being rejected and knowing it is not about you, then you are gold.
Chris definitely has an issue with the double standards on the show. Tyler is feeling particularly safe and shows his vulnerability, only to be rejected by Rachel and then everyone asks if the girls are okay. The men need some support too. They are putting themselves out there and trying to be emotionally vulnerable. Chris says “give them a break.”
Reality TV audiences can be unforgiving when it comes to giving men a break after making relationship mistakes. Men are good at a lot of things but navigating emotional waters is difficult.
Make a Connection:
Join our Ignite Your Life event! Happening October 14‒16 2022! Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!
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Marni is joined by a client who had her entire life change in six months. Sherry was a self-proclaimed type-A perfectionist who would beat herself up. She admits that before last year’s Ignite Your Life event, she couldn’t envision how good her life could be. Now she has a partner who shares her vision.
Takeaways from this episode:
Inner child work
Raising the bar of what is possible
Becoming rejection-proof
Leaning into a vision
How to live courageously
Sherry says she had done a lot of personal development work before discovering the last Ignite Your Life 3-day workshop. She was not in a content place. She had been dating someone from work who ghosted her despite them seeing each other every day.
She couldn’t seem to let go of the hurt and rejection she felt. She was stuck. She knew she needed to get over it but couldn’t quite get there no matter how much she tried. She went to different coaches to try to shift things until she signed up for Ignite Your Life.
Sherry made a mental commitment to make the most of the program. She recalls Marni telling her the program would work if she allowed it to work. Marni made it clear that it was an internal job even though Sherry often sought external solutions.
Sherry admits to struggling with self-worth and self-confidence. She had previously been in a relationship with someone emotionally abusive, then was single for eight years. She had a fear of getting into a relationship and being trapped, coping strategies from her childhood.
Don’t look for an external solution for an internal job.
In Just Six Months, Sherry’s Life was Ignited [10:55]
Some people may sign up for the Ignite Your Life event with the sole purpose of attracting love and finding a partner. It was something Sherry often thought of. After the first day, Sherry realized it was bigger than that. It would be more about falling in love with herself, being comfortable in her skin, and becoming rejection-proof.
She created a profile on Match.com even though she was opposed to online dating. She decided to be open to everyone because she didn’t know if her old patterns were still leading her life. She knew she had to trust her intuition.
Sherry Life Checked Herself [21:45]
Marni asks Sherry to offer one piece of advice to other women, Sherry says to consider how mean you are to yourself. Are you showing up as a sum of your core wounds?
When we are in a place of limitation and have a low bar about what is possible we can’t see how good life can be.
Sherry now has a reference point and knows what her vision feels like in her body. Without the learnings, she gained from the event, everything would have felt out of reach. She became empowered to bridge the gap between where she was and where she wanted to go.
Make a Connection:
Join our Ignite Your Life event! Happening October 14‒16 2022! Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!
Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates