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Life Check Yourself

Each week on the podcast, hear Marni Battista, Founder and CEO of The Institute For Living Courageously, interview the world’s top experts in how to help people live more meaningful and impactful lives.
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Now displaying: Page 14
Apr 12, 2019

Marni welcomes Author Michael Sorensen into the den today to talk about the value of validation. Michael is an expert on listening and relationship skills. He uses a real-world approach when he talks with women about what they can do differently to create long-lasting relationships.

 

Michael’s award-winning and bestselling book, I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind the Extraordinary Relationships is transforming the lives of those who read it. He stumbled across relationship skills while working with a therapist and he is on a mission to share his insights with the world.

 

Why Long-Term Relationships Work [2:25]

 

Michael shares a personal dating experience that eventually led to him writing his book. In dating or in a relationship the way you respond to the other person plays a major role in how long your relationship will last. If you share interests with your date or partner and respond accordingly you are more likely to form a bond with that person.

 

Knowing how to validate others can impact your dating life. Validation is made up of two parts, one it identifies a specific emotion and two, offers justification for feeling that emotion. You have to connect with the person on some level. Effective validation requires empathy, effort, and authenticity. To practice validation even if the subject doesn’t interest you try asking a follow-up question to show effort.

 

Common Validation Mistakes [16:16]

 

Being present is super-important in today’s world. When someone wants to talk, put down your phone, turn off the tv or close your laptop. Your authenticity will shine through and the other person will feel validated from your sincere effort to hear them.

 

When someone comes to you with a difficult situation they don’t necessarily need advice or want you to fix their problem. They may just need some validation and empathy.

 

Common Validation Mistakes:

  1. Being distracted and not fully listening
  2. Trying to fix things or offer assurances.

 

Being aware of your expectations makes a huge difference, not just in dating but in every relationship in your life.

 

How to Make Someone Feel Comfortable Opening Up to You [26:00]

 

If you really want to get to connect with a person, learn how to validate. You will be shocked at how it transforms the dialogue. You can connect with anyone.

 

When we are curious about another person we ask questions in a way that doesn’t feel like an interview.

 

When we are creating relationships validation can be the skill that magically opens people up to help create chemistry and connection.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Michael Sorensen Website

I Hear You Book

Mar 29, 2019

Amy wants to become a savvy dater. She finds herself over analyzing what a guy is thinking and what clues he may be sending her about how the date is going. She also puts up her love shield in defense of her uncertainty. Marni coaches her through understanding her own motivations for succumbing to anxiety and how she can release her fear by leaning into her faith.  

 

How to Know What is on a Guy’s Mind [2:41]

 

Amy really wants to make her dating journey enjoyable but gets hung up on how the guy is feeling about her. To size up how a date is going, she searches for clues from a guy’s body language or his facial expressions. She is looking for positive feedback. She reveals she has a history of domestic violence and dating narcissists. This creates insecurity in her so she puts up her love shield. This behavior is meant to protect her but it can also push people away.

 

Marni asks Amy to reflect on what makes her feel safe.

 

Amy says when guys exhibit these behaviors or attributes she feels safe:

  • Kindness
  • Politeness
  • Family oriented
  • Shared values
  • Faith

 

Coaching Notes:

 

  • If you have questions about things that are out of your control change your inquiry into a high-quality 'me' question. Consider what is going on inside of you to make you feel a certain way.

 

  • Even if you have been hurt in the past, be open to believing someone's words as long as their behavior matches.

 

How to Trust Ourselves [11:43]

 

Amy knows the negative consequences of attaching too quickly. She admits she has a pattern of doing this and it never works in her favor. She says wants a relationship and connection. She is quick to imagine how she might fit into a guy’s life.

 

She truly desires to be more relaxed and enjoy casual dating instead of expecting a relationship quickly.

 

Marni walks her through the ways she is putting the man in charge of her emotional safety. Marni reminds her that she is in charge of herself and not the guy. So why is she trying to give up her power?

 

Amy shares her longing for validation. She gets stuck in a rut about what the little things mean. She understands she needs to trust herself more.

 

Don’t get caught up in the outcome of a date. Instead, focus on making a human connection.

 

Understanding Your Triggers [19:01]

 

Amy says she may be enjoying a date and feel comfortable sharing her life stories with someone and then she falls into her feelings of uncertainty.

 

Marni recommends:

 

  • Dissecting this moment right when it happens to find out what is triggering her fear.
  • Amy should ask herself ‘What is the feeling I have in my body before I attach a story to what is happening?’
  • She should get curious about the story she makes up about not having her happily ever after.
  • When she feels the fear come upon her she needs to relax and move back into her God connection.  
  • She should add a physical, somatic aspect to her calming practice.

 

She is activating a new muscle and breaking an old pattern. When she feels disconnected from peace and calm she should consider what story she is making up.

 

When she is not anxious Amy knows she can chill out because God will be bringing her the perfect guy. She should relax and enjoy her dates. She vows to not put up her love shield and relish in her faith in God.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dating with Dignity Love Shield Episode #104

Mar 22, 2019

The beauty of boundaries is that when we do them well it creates much more space for love and connection.

 

In this episode, Marni welcomes the queen of boundary setting, Sylvie Khoucasian into the Den.  In all aspects of our lives, whether we dating, raising our kids, communicating with friends, we all need to set boundaries. Sylvie is a master of helping struggling couples create a real connection. She has a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. She grew up in the US as an immigrant from the Middle East. She was fascinated by the critical role family cultures play in intimate relationships. She also has experience in theatrical art which allows her to use art and drama therapy to help clients reclaim lost or repressed parts of themselves.

 

What is a Boundary & How to Know When A Boundary Has Been Violated [2:52]

 

“A boundary is a limit. By the limits you set, you protect the integrity of your day, your energy and spirit, the health of your relationships and the pursuit of your heart. Each day is shaped by your choices and when you violate your own boundaries or let another person violate them the stuffing spills out of you.” — Anne Katherine

 

Sylvie describes a boundary as a membrane we surround ourselves with. We feel safe around people who respect our emotional boundaries, physical boundaries, intellectual boundaries or spiritual boundaries. When we are being violated we are being dismissed, invalidated, not respected. Its when someone is trying to push us beyond what we are capable of in a moment. 

 

We live in a time when we have exposure to so many things even dating choices. If we don't create healthy boundaries around ourselves we can get lost in what the culture around us wants to feed us.

 

We can feel mean when we are first setting boundaries with a new person in our lives. But the more we communicate our boundaries we start to soften. Healthy boundaries prevent codependency. They prevent our merging with someone in an unhealthy way. Healthy boundaries are discerning.

 

Sylvie recommends dating no more than once a week at the beginning of dating to give yourself enough time to process and check in with your boundaries.

 

Expanding our Definition of Boundaries [10:06]

 

While we are dating we want to learn what a man’s priorities and concerns are.

 

Men have 3 core vulnerabilities they show:

 

  1. 1. Fear of being a predator.
  2. 2. Fear of being incompetent.
  3. 3. Fear of rejection.
  4. The golden nugget is to have clarity around your boundaries without building a wall.  People who honor their own boundaries tend to be better at staying true to their own needs. People who struggle with this haven't given themselves permission to have boundaries.
  5. Do you feel worthy enough to set personal boundaries?
  6. Setting Boundaries for the First Time [16:00]
  7. Sylvie says it’s often women who feel guilty about setting boundaries. It can make women feel uncomfortable and counterintuitive to their nature. But it’s important we be around people who support our boundary.
  8. Tool for singles — Pick a friend you feel safe with and create a mutual agreement where you start practicing your boundaries with them. It helps you to recognize when your boundaries are not being met in other relationships.
  9. The art of boundary is a skill. It's like learning a new recipe, with practice we get better at it. Just taking the time to know when we feel our boundaries are being violated lets us bring intellect into the situation instead of counting on our emotions alone.

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Mar 15, 2019

Has personal development work made you better than you were before but you are still afraid to take it to the next level? This episode will help you to get out of your own way and show up fully to your next date.

 

In this episode, Marni sits down with President of the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC) and host of The Meaningful Way Podcast, Luke Iorio. Luke is also an entrepreneur, a blogger, a dad,  a wide-angled observer and an enthusiastic participant in the game of life. He always likes to ask and answer 'what is truly possible?’.

 

How Acceptance Reduces Stress [2:33]

 

Acceptance is the ability to embrace any situation, any moment, or any experience life happens to throw at you. Many of us have a hard time accepting things when they don’t go their way. Acceptance isn't about agreeing with or condoning what is happening, it’s about accepting the emotions you are going through.

 

We get triggered in two ways:

 

  1. When we are not getting what we want.
  2. When we are getting something we don’t want.

 

Any time life doesn't meet our expectations we react to it. But there is no reason for us to make it complex. We need to have the moment and then not add any of our stories and expectations around it.

 

Luke says when we feel we are being triggered we should take a minute, accept what we are going through, embrace it, and then allow the energy around it to settle. Then go at the situation with clarity and peace. Fighting and resistance add extra energy which can stir things up.

 

Take deep, mindful breaths you have the ability to slow down your nervous system and eliminate our stress.

 

Strategies to Relieve Discomfort [8:17]

 

Luke says it’s important for us to remember that our problems are ours. If we get triggered by something it may be only us that is affected. Someone else may not respond at all to the same thing happening to them.

 

And, it's natural for humans to move away from discomfort. We will do anything we can to push away from anything unpleasant.

 

Coping mechanisms we use to move away from discomfort are:

  1. Distraction
  2. Solving the Problem
  3. Turning a Blind Eye
  4. Grabbing onto Something Else

 

If you avoid accepting of the experience and try to rationalize it with a story you are settling.

 

Ask yourself if you are in this life to simply settle for good enough?

 

Weapons of Mass Distraction [24:26]

 

Ask yourself what is it you use to distract yourself from discomfort or something you don't want to feel. Is it social media, working too much, exercising, or wine? The problem with quieting your discomfort is that the discomfort is surfacing for a reason. Life is calling your attention to something you are meant to work through or to acknowledge.

 

We all have an inner teacher and when we distract ourselves we don't listen to them. Our teachers beg is to take action to achieve growth, not just think about our discomforts.

 

Taking action requires our ongoing mindfulness. Or, our discomfort will become an ongoing cycle that will repeat itself over and over again and show up on dates or in our relationships.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

The Meaningful Way Podcast with Luke Iorio

Mar 1, 2019

Are you sabotaging yourself early on in a relationship?

 

Is it you or your date who is emotionally unavailable?

 

In this one-on-one client session, Marni welcomes Suzanne to share her story. Suzanne can't seem to get past the first or second date with guys she is meeting. Her last date ended with a total clash in values. She has done a ton of work on herself but feels like there is some unconscious crap keeping her stuck.

 

Are You Afraid of Getting Hurt or Is It Something Else?  [1:34]

 

Suzanne describes her past relationships. She has been married and divorced twice and has had two other significant relationships in her life. Her self-worth was low when she met her first husband. Her second marriage lasted 20-years but it beat her down. And, her two relationships since have been with emotionally unavailable men.  

 

She still believes she is unworthy of having a guy who will stick with her for the long term.

 

Marni asks her to explain how is it serving her? Suzanne realizes if she feels she is always unworthy it also keeps her from committing.

 

Do you Choose to Survive or Thrive? [8:04]

 

Marni points out that by not feeling worthy Suzanne continues to attract men who won't commit. She fears rejection and limits her courage for surviving but she doesn't use it to thrive.

 

So, how does Suzanne want to experience the next part of her love life? Is it worth opening her heart again? Suzanne says she wants to experience true unabiding love. She doesn't want to leave the planet without figuring relationship stuff out.

 

When she shows up on an in-person date she is more cautious about putting herself out there. Her fear is leaking into her communications, her dates, and the rest of her life. Suzanne decides she wants to show up on a date as herself like she is with her friends.

 

She wholeheartedly agrees to bring her surfer girl attitude to the dating game.

 

Listen to the language you use. It is the key to your true feelings.

 

Are You Being Vulnerable or Firehosing Your Dates? [22:08]

 

Suzanne admits to divulging a lot of information about herself early on when dating and she says it sometimes it scares guys away. When discussing what she does for a living she brings up spiritual/religious topics early on in the relationship — but it's important to her. It’s one of her dealbreakers.

 

Marni advises her to more deeply consider the parameters she uses to rule men out. And as part of her commitment, she should make sure she doesn't sabotage herself.

 

Suzanne’s important takeaways are to look at every date as a surf trip and everything will go smoothly. And, she pledges to have deeper conversations about values and ask more important questions of her dates.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Feb 22, 2019

Are you putting your best self out there with your current online photos?

 

Are your online dating photos attracting the high-quality guys you want to date? 

 

Marni welcomes photographer extraordinaire, Mary Ann Halpin to the Den today to discuss the importance of a professional photo shoot to enhance your online presence and solidify your personal brand. Mary Ann is an acclaimed photographer and speaker who facilitates workshops based in Los Angeles, California. She has created four books including Fearless Women, the book filled entirely with badass women with swords. Her goal behind the lens is to capture inner beauty in a way that creates outer beauty. 

 

Why Professional Photos are Essential Online  [2:51]

 

Marni reminds us that an awesome online photo is the best way to get your online profile the most attention. People can feel the energy of a photo. And, if the energy doesn't project what they are looking for they will pass right by it and move on to the next. The great thing about professional portraiture is it captures the energy you are projecting. 

 

The old adage — The eyes are the window to the soul — is true. Making sure your true, authentic self is relayed in your photo is essential to finding the right guy for you. 

 

Fun shots can be, fun but they may not portray the real you. 

 

Questions to Ask Before Booking a Shoot [7:36]

 

The most important question to ask yourself before having your photos professionally done is “what are the photos for?” Or, “what is the goal these photos can help me achieve?”

 

Are you trying to attract the love of your life? 

 

Mary Ann reminds us professional photos are an investment in your life, not a frivolous expenditure. 

 

Before choosing your photographer get recommendations from people you trust who have used a professional in the past. 

 

  1. 1. Ask for a consultation.
  2. 2. Do you feel comfortable talking with this person?
  3. 3. Ask them how they work.
  4. 4. Ask them for base prices. 
  5. Putting Your Best Self Forward as a Fearless Woman [24:55]
  6. Marianne says, “It's always endearing to hear someone laughing at themselves. Good energy is contagious.” She believes women should fear less and love more. You can allow the judgment and fear of having your image captured to be debilitating or you can stand aside and let fear pass you by. 
  7. What we believe about ourselves is true and our words have power. 
  8. Give yourself permission to go for it. You have the right to find your ideal guy, so put your best self out there online to make sure you get him. 
  9. Photo Don'ts: 
  • ● Don’t Force It — Be Natural
  • ● Don’t Be Critical
  • ● Don't Mistrust the Photographer
  • ● Don’t Beat Yourself Up 
  • ● Don’t Show Up Hungover or Tired
  • Your online image is you showing your soul out in the virtual space. Make all the pieces come together in online dating. True intimacy and connection will only come when two souls connect and the right photo can help you connect. 
  • Your lovability will shine through in your images to attract the right person for you. 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Mary Ann Halpin 

Feb 15, 2019

Are you still upset about a past relationship? Does it matter how you speak about it during a date?

 

Is your online dating profile authentically you?  

 

Marni welcomes long-time Man Panel contributor, Michael Lushing into the Dating Den. Michael has worked in commercial real estate for over 35 years. He went back to University to obtain a Masters in Psychology and is one exam away from becoming a certified marriage and family counselor. At age 64, he is an open book about his three marriages, his mistakes, his lessons learned, and how he figured out what he was really looking for in a woman.  

 

Michael Shares the Lessons He Learned From Three Marriages  [3:56]

 

Michael says his first marriage was his “real” marriage. He and his first wife met in college, had kids and eventually just grew apart. His family wasn’t fond of his wife but they stayed married for 18 years. The lessons he learned from this marriage was to face his fears and start having courageous conversations about difficult subjects.

 

Wife number two lasted for less than a year and Michael admits even that was too long. His family had recommended he dated the woman and instead of following his heart, he took his family’s advice. The lesson he learned from this experience was to be true to himself.

 

Michael’s third wife started with infatuation but after two years of marriage, the passion faded. He realized she was not leading an honest life. He says he held on for longer than he should have because he feared getting back out on the dating scene because of his considerable relationship history.  

 

How Michael Figured Out the Kind of Woman He Truly Wanted [10:33]

 

Michael met Marni through her male coaching sessions. He had divorced his third wife and was looking to start dating again. Marni recommended he start a 30-day dating hiatus but Michael resisted. It was only when he took a time out from dating he had the time to really consider who he was and who he was looking for.

 

When he did start dating again he went to an online dating site. Michael says it was a struggle for him especially when a woman's profile's didn't match her character when they met for a date. He was frustrated. He found it competitive and dishonest. One of his dates even admitted she created a false story just to attract men.

 

Ladies, it is imperative to be authentic and clear in your online profile about who you are and what you are looking for.

 

When dating, there is a difference in being authentic and vulnerable on a date and just verbally vomiting your story on another person.  

 

If you have unresolved issues about a past relationship be aware there can be unconscious verbal leaking. Remember, you are sending out a vibrational energy other people can feel.

 

A quality guy may just check out. They recognize the woman is not ready for a relationship due to her unresolved issues, finish the date and decide not to see her again. Don’t be angry about your previous life. It is not attractive and it demonstrates you are not ready for a new relationship.

 

Men are Human Too [24:46]

 

Michael has learned to slow down, to be patient, and to find out who a woman is before making a commitment, not afterward. He recognizes that men have a hard time being alone so, they rush into things quickly. By slowing down, he learned what he appreciated and what he found attractive.

 

He says women shouldn’t want to change a guy.  No one can change someone else. If you don't like someone for who they are right now he isn't for you. And, the more quickly you let go the quicker you will find someone who does fit your core values.

 

Core values can't be created they already exist within the other person.

 

Ladies, ask yourself what would it look like if I was looking to rule in rather than rule out? And, how can you seek to connect and hear someone rather than make up a story about them?

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Feb 1, 2019

Are you a successful woman who doesn’t need a man BUT wants to have a man?

 

Are you pushing men away without even realizing it?

 

Do you make unjust negative judgments about your date without considering the positives?

 

Marni welcomes Sherrie Toews back into the Den. Sherrie has been a licensed therapist in California for 25 years focusing on trauma and family systems.  She is an expert in her field who works with women in the elite program, 5 Keys to Being Irresistible. Sherrie focuses in on what is causing people to be stuck in their patterns, even if they don’t realize they are stuck. She shares the little ways women are influenced by their past traumas and how we can move forward into more positive dating experiences.

 

The Love Shield  [3:00]

 

Sherrie describes the Love Shield as a collection of negative thoughts, feelings, actions or behaviors women hide behind. This negative energy and uncomfortableness lay just underneath the surface and shows up in little ways during dates, even when women believe they are having good dates.

 

Examples of the Love Shield in action:

 

  • ● Do you minimize compliments people give you?
  • ● Do you resist making eye contact?
  • If you do you may unwittingly be sending out negative energy and putting up a love shield.
  • Your Love Shield comes up because there is a part of you that is scared a previous trauma or you feel your identity is at risk.
  • Sherri says that just understanding your childhood wounds doesn't mean they are healed. It's the emotional connection with the trauma as an adult that heals them.”
  • The Hidden Dangers of Over or Under Expressing Yourself [13:43]
  • There are fragments of our lives that don't seem like they should be causing any trauma but show up in different ways. If you are stuck in your head, overanalyzing every aspect of a date, when he called last, every single word he said — you may be stuck in your head.
  • When you are stuck in your head it means your heart is not leading. And in relationships and love, it’s all about the heart! You could be missing out on queues about how he really feels about you when you think too much.
  • Think about one of your positive attributes. Do you overexpress it to the point of it becoming unsettling? Or, do you under-express it because you are scared it will be too much? It could be hurting your dating life.
  • So What? Now What? How to Move Forward. [20:29]
  • Sherrie says in order to move forward women should take care to notice their judgments. How do you judge yourself? How do you judge other people? Remember your date is a human being who wants love, wants to avoid pain and wants to be happy, just like you. 
  • She suggests journaling about the negative judgments you make about yourself. Write each judgment down and then and make a positive script to replace the negative. 
  • When you are on a date,  collect ten pieces of positive evidence.
  • ● What did you do well?
  • ● What did your date do well?
  • ● What aspects of the date went well? 
  • When you drop the love shield, you soften a bit. It opens you up to wonderful connections and intimate relationships. 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Jan 25, 2019

Ladies, are you aware of how your actions directly impact your dating life?

 

Do you continue to date a guy even if he has said he has no long-term expectations?

 

In this one-on-one coaching session, thirty-nine-year-old Melissa has never been married and is looking for a long-term, committed relationship. She knows she wants to have a family. She wants to find someone to travel with, a confidante. She's currently an attorney and she believes her previous positions as a technical writer and a business analyst have led her to over-analyze her dating life and relationships.

 

She is validated at work for focusing on the details but it doesn’t serve her in her search for a quality guy who meets her needs.

 

She recognizes she has a natural tendency to go into her head and not consider the feelings causing her disappointment and how her heart feels.

 

A Play-By-Play of Melissa’s Last Relationship  [8:38]

 

During the first date with her latest guy, Melissa came out strong by telling him exactly what she was looking for. She told him she wanted children and of her need for a long-term, committed relationship.

 

She fears her time will be wasted based on her last 5-year relationship. She is protecting herself and attempting to keep herself safe. Her tactics may not be effective for her to reach her relationship objectives.  Marni confides that using these tactics she is more likely to attract men who are emotionally unavailable.

 

Why Melissa May Be Attracting Unavailable Men [15:43]

 

Melissa stays stuck in her head when she leads with quick, confrontational tactics. Using this method she will attract someone, like her, who leads with thoughts instead of feelings.  

 

Melissa shares the details of her most recent relationship. She tells Marni she thought this guy was different. She thought the relationship had potential because they connected on many different subjects. She felt an emotional attachment to him.

 

The catch is when she asked him what his expectations of the relationship were he said he had none.

 

So, why did Melissa continue to date him when she obviously had different intentions than he did?

 

Marni’s Coaching and Melissa’s Homework [15:43]

 

Marni breaks down the relationship story and gives Melissa an overview of what is happening. There are signs Melissa isn't seeing. Melissa realizes she may not be emotionally available.

 

When we don't feel emotionally safe we try to operationalize and systemize everything that is out of our control.

 

Marni outlines ways Melissa can shift to start feeling from her heart and stop leading with her head:

 

  1. Melissa should start looking at how often she goes into problem-solving mode to avoid feeling her feelings. Then take 20-seconds to consider how she is really feeling and what she really needs.

 

  1. She needs to start paying attention and make sure a guys words and actions match. If they don’t, she needs to move on.

 

  1. She needs to be compassionate with herself.

 

  1. She needs to consider the lesson this guy has given her and use it to figure out what to do differently next time.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Jan 18, 2019

Does the fear of rejection keep you from asking him out?

 

Would you like to know how to embrace your fear and use it to renew the spark in your life?

 

Marni’s guest is a Thought Leader, Zen Therapist and a Master Facilitator with a game-changing approach to fear that has never been utilized before. Kristen Ulmer is a professional skier who was on the US Ski Team for Moguls, a Big Mountain Extreme Skier and has spent 15 years studying Zen and instructing thousands of clients. She’s married now, but finding other people fascinating was her secret sauce method men couldn’t resist. Her new book, The Art of Fear: Why Conquering Fear Won't Work and What to Do Instead.

 

Fear, unconscious and conscious can stop you in your tracks.

 

Being Fearless in Life Doesn’t Mean Vulnerability is Easy  [3:29]

 

Often times, to be fearless in one area of our lives we repress fear in another area. Fear cannot be avoided. It is with us every single day. When you feel fearless in one area there is always a compromise in another.

 

Kristen says how we deal with fear is usually a learned behavior from a parent or influencer. She suggests when we feel fear we should ask ourselves how we process it. Do you resist fear? Ignore fear or rationalize it?

 

Whatever you resist, persists.

 

Un-dealt with or repressed fear will come back to get your attention somewhere or somehow. It will show up twice as powerful in a personal relationship.

 

Insomnia is an ever-increasing problem in the US. Because, when you are trying to sleep undealt with fear will hijack your mind and take over.

 

Fear shows up in your life in two ways:

 

  1. As an irrational, exaggerated, crazy version of itself somewhere else in your life. It can be OCD, anxiety, etc.
  2. It’s redirected into a powerful emotion such as anger or sadness.

 

95% of the time anger comes up when we feel powerless.

 

Techniques to Use Fear to Your Advantage [16:22]

 

If you find yourself trying to get rid of the negative side of life by saying positive things to counteract it you may actually be repressing your fear to a dangerous point.

 

For example, if you take your fear and lock it in the basement of your subconscious, you have emotions that are being ignored. Kristen says,  it gives your negative emotions magical powers. It's not a healthy or realistic way to live life. Fear is here to help you.

 

Would you rather feel happy or would you rather feel alive? Even in love if there is no fear there is no edge, no spice. Fear actually brings your A-game to everything you do.

 

Whenever you step out of your comfort zone and take a risk, it is a sign you are the path towards learning and growing.

 

Try this method when you feel fear come up for you:

 

  1. Feel your fear in an honest way. Don't beat yourself up about it. Fear is not a character flaw or a weakness. Say “It's natural for me to be afraid right now.”
  2. Do a body scan. Scan your body for fear. Fear is a feeling of discomfort in our body.
  3. Adjust your resistance to fear and have an organic relationship with it.
  4. Spend time feeling the fear.

 

Emotions are meant to be felt.

 

The key is to change your language around fear. Learn to say yes to fear and acknowledge fear in an honest way. If you shift your language and fear, in time you will conquer and overcome fear!

 

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Kristen Ulmer

Jan 11, 2019

Do you only date rich men?

 

Are you making the best decisions for your money life?

 

How much does money affect your overall happiness?

 

Marni’s guest, Brian Portnoy, Ph.D., CFA is the author of The Geometry of Wealth: How to Shape a Life of Money and Meaning and The Investors Paradox. He is the Director of Investment Education at Virtus Investment Partners and writes an investment column for Forbes.com. His goal is to simplify the complex world of money. He believes the world is noisy and filled with too much information and too much choice. JUST LIKE DATING!  Money can seem like an overwhelming and stressful topic, but better outcomes are achievable by understanding a few key concepts, and planning.

 

The Difference Between Being Rich and Being Wealthy  [4:05]

 

Brian says the assumption of most finance and the point to most investing is we want more. But, where we find true contentment is where the story gets muddled. The quest for more is a treadmill, you might be happy with something for a while but most of us revert to type and continue to chase what we want more of.

 

Being wealthy is the ability to underwrite a life that is meaningful to you. Funded contentment. We have to start thinking about living the good life.

 

The tension between wanting more and having enough defines human nature. Appreciate the tension.

 

It's Best Not to Base Relationships on Riches [7:19]

 

It’s dangerous to use money as a measuring stick for who you will or won’t date.

 

Brian says there are four broad sources of contentment which are more important than money:

 

  1. Or connections with others.
  2. The feeling that we are in control of our lives.
  3. Our being competent at something.
  4. Being attached to something outside of yourself.

 

If you don't have these four things figured out no matter how much money you or your partner have will not bring you a deep sense of contentment.

 

Our need to feel safe and connected is an inherent trait. Often when we make social comparisons, or become envious of others for what they have we are engaging in reflections of hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. Brian recommends we give ourselves a break because our brains are wired to survive in a dangerous environment. Simply knowing envy and comparisons are unhealthy things can help lighten the hold they have over us.

 

The Geometry of Wealth  [17:42]

 

Brian's book, The Geometry of Wealth is based on three simple geometric shapes, a circle, a triangle, and a square. These three shapes allow us to live our why.

 

  • The Circle — Represents the continuous process of defining our purpose.
  • The Triangle — Represents setting three broad financial priorities tied to contentment.
  • The Square — The four psychological elements of setting expectations.

 

How to Connect Money to Your Why  [22:15]

 

Brian’s least favorite word is busy. He makes an effort not to use it. He doesn't allow others around him to use the word ‘busy’. When we use the word busy we are saying that the world is overwhelming and we don't have control.

 

Once you stop using the word busy and start saying "I have competing priorities" it forces you to take accountability for the choices that you make. It may be painful in the short term to make one choice over another but it is empowering in that it allows you to focus on your true motivations.

 

Take control of your vision. Stop, breathe and think about where you are and where you want to get to. Meditate on it if you can.

 

We need to give ourselves permission to make priorities that are in our best interest.

 

The brain recognizes an infinite series of short terms that are stapled together by choice and circumstance. How we manage those short term moments is one of the major keys to happiness and success in life.

 

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The Geometry of Wealth

The Investors Paradox

Jan 4, 2019

Are you still stressed out even after meditating, working out, journaling, practicing self-care and eating healthy?

 

Does it feel like it is time for a reset and a new approach?

 

Are you ready to let your heart guide you?

 

Marni’s guest, Debbie Rozman is a Behavioral Psychologist, the President, and CEO of HeartMath, and an Educator and Author. She talks about Heartmath from an intellectual point of view and describes how it helped her create changes in her own life. The science shows that practicing HeartMath can accelerate your health, well-being, reduce stress and create flow in your life.

 

What is HeartMath?  [3:33]

 

Debbie was doing everything she thought she could do in terms of eating healthy, meditation, and a job she cared about but her work was growing so fast she realized she didn't have any skills for addressing the anxiety or challenges she faced. The stress was more than she could manage.

 

She thought there has to be more to life than this treadmill. She knew something was missing from her life. She was open to receiving a new direction, something different. She then met,  Doc Childre who told her it was really about accessing the intelligence of the heart and it's all about love. She knew energetically this was her new path.

 

There is a way to connect to your heart which is a higher form of intelligence!

 

HeartMath is a research institute that studies bio-feedback the emotional pull versus intuitive feelings. Heart rate variability, or beat to beat changes, show that physical changes actually match the way we feel emotionally!

 

Debbie and Doc Childre went deeper into how to shift the heart rate variability pattern quickly.

 

How to Apply HeartMath to Relationships [20:00]

 

In a new relationship or first meeting, it is hard to discern what is attracting you to another person. Is it sexual attraction, an emotional sensation or your heart’s intuition?

 

Learning to discern the difference between the signals of intuition and the signals of mind and security is the work of HeartMath. Debbie says there are specific tips and tools to help us identify what we are feeling.

 

A technological tool you can use with your smartphone is Inner Balance. It helps you to get into heart rate variability coherence, or in sync. You can see more into what the subconscious is really feeling. It's training yourself how to shift into your own personal intuitive guidance.

 

The Danger of Loneliness  [28:46]

 

Social support is critical for a human’s health. People who experience loneliness have a higher risk of cardiovascular disease, and heart disease. In fact, loneliness is more of a risk factor for disease than a lack of exercise, poor eating habits, and smoking combined!  

 

It's profound when our heart shuts down from feelings of loneliness or being brokenhearted.

 

Debbie says there are people who find fulfillment living alone but it’s very important for them to have close friendships.

 

Ladies, life is about living from the heart. You can live from your head but you will just keep banging it against the wall and wondering why you are not happy. Find coherence.

 

Make a Connection:

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HeartMath

Dec 28, 2018

Women are statistically more depressed than men and depression is beginning earlier and earlier in our lives. Despite what you have been told achievement is NOT the key to happiness and well-being.

 

Marni welcomes leading happiness expert, Karen Rockind to discuss the simple daily decisions you can make to create more joy in your life. Karen is the creator of Purpose Girl, a movement that empowers purpose driven living, and Women’s Global Happiness Day. She has . taught thousand of people real-life strategies to reclaim their happiness, to live to the fullest potential of success and well-being. She is a survivor of divorce, domestic abuse, and a life-changing armed robbery which proved as a catalyst for her to finally pursue her passion of helping women thrive.

 

The Science of Happiness  [5:41]

 

For millennia, psychologists studied only illnesses including anxiety and depression even though only 30% of the population had a diagnosed mental illness. When about 20-years ago, a professor decided that instead of ignoring 70% of the population he would integrate the study of happiness into his work.

 

Now, conventional wisdom and social pressures have made many women believe they must meet a certain criteria in order to be happy. But, Carin says it’s not true. Women may have been taught achievement  will make us happier but research shows the opposite. Happiness should come first.

 

Surviving is not thriving!

 

How to Create Well-Being and Happiness [10:46]

 

Daily choices can make the biggest difference in your happiness level. Happiness is an very individual thing but there are pathways that can bring happiness and fulfillment. Happiness is a choice.

 

Pathways to Happiness:

 

  • Focus on the positive in a situation.
  • Have hobbies or work you love.
  • Have healthy, thriving relationships.
  • Do something that matters to you and gives you purpose.
  • Achievements in areas that matter to you.

 

Redefining happiness for yourself is being your whole self and going after what you desire. Get some soul sisters. Soul sisters will launch you into a whole new level of happiness, joy and support!

 

You should control your life. Don’t let your life control you.

 

Happiness and Dating  [24:49]

 

Any man will tell you, confidence and purpose is super sexy. A woman who is doing something that really matters to her, feels filled up on living which makes you show up as an empowered goddess. You can make their own fun id you are filled up by life.

 

Feel good about who you are!

 

Uncover Your Purpose By Listening to the Whisper of Your Soul  [27:58]

 

Carin says there are three questions you can ask yourself to uncover your purpose.

 

  1. What are my regrets?
  2. What am I jealous of other women about?
  3. What can I learn from my childhood dreams?

 

After exploring what gives you purpose start playing with your dreams. Picture yourself doing what you want to be doing. How does it feel to be doing it? How does your day start? Is there someone already doing what you would like to be doing? Look for mentors and call them. Little steps can help you realize big dreams.

 

You are the creator of your own life.  Make it awesome!

 

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Carin Rockind - Purpose Girl

Women’s Global Happiness Day

Dec 21, 2018

If your vision for the future includes travel and meeting someone to share magical experiences with, this is the episode for you.

 

Marni welcomes Alex Jimenez aka Travel Fashion Girl to the Den to talk about the importance of having clothes that meet your personal style when traveling. Alex shares tips for packing light, how to create a travel capsule and how traveling light can make your more irresistible to meeting a guy on the road.

 

Alex lived a nomadic lifestyle out of a single carry-on suitcase. She combined her experience with her background in business to create her company, Travel Fashion Girl. It is the number one blog for female travelers with over 1 million monthly visitors. She has been on Fox & Friends Morning Show, and featured online in Cosmo, Harper's Bazaar, New York Post, USA Today and more.

 

When the Travel Bug Bit Alex  [3:19]

 

There was a single moment when Alex was on a vacation with her mother when she was mesmerized by the beauty of the island and realized she needed to travel more. After quitting her job she kept her promise to herself and traveled full-time for almost a decade.

 

She started her journey by joining group tours but became inspired by the solo women travelers she met along the way. And then, during a solo trip around the world, she met her husband!

 

How to Make Connections When Traveling Solo [7:06]

 

Alex says traveling with other people provides a safety net because there is always someone to talk to. When traveling alone you have the opportunity to strike up conversations with strangers and to be more open.

 

Tips for Women Travelers:

 

  1. Don't travel with a friend
  2. Put your phone down
  3. Do your research
  4. Ask questions about fellow travelers

 

When you put yourself in a new environment, out of the normal bump and grind at home you become more of an approachable person. In a beautiful place, you can feel more attractive, confident, and free to be in the moment.

 

These tips can be used to meet men anywhere!

 

How to Travel Light with Travel Fashion Girl  [14:15]

 

Alex felt hindered by her heavy travel bags. She did some research and spoke with other travelers who chose to travel light before creating her unique Travel Fashion Girl blog. She recommends thinking about how excessive luggage could impact your experience.

 

You can’t hop on the back of a motorcycle when you have heavy bags!

 

The key to packing light and looking good is less about being stylish and more about feeling comfortable in your skin. Pack your favorite clothes. When you look good, your confidence will show through and you'll feel more outgoing. So, instead of packing giveaway clothes pack to enhance your personal style.

 

Travel Fashion Girl Tips:

 

  • Research the weather at your destination.
  • Start with 10 core pieces.
  • Keep it simple.
  • Pack tops that can be layered.
  • Don't take more than 3 pairs of shoes.
    • Shoes you plan to walk in — Wear stylish comfortable shoes on the plane
    • Activity shoes — hiking or work out shoes
    • Dress up or sightseeing shoes

 

Alex has been using the same backpack for years. She just doesn't want to replace her Rebecca Minkoff Julian backpack. It fits everything she needs.

 

Meet Your Man on Your Next Solo Trip  [27:32]

 

Alex wasn’t expecting to meet her husband during her round-the-world-trip but there he was seated right next to her on the plane. She says traveling is the perfect way to meet your partner because you get to see a person's true side. You can see how they react to delays, changed plans, and disappointments. If you are serious about someone, or in a new relationship go on a trip together. It is so telling about how you both will handle adversity.

 

Alex’s #1 Tip is to follow your gut and listen to your instincts!  

 

Homework: Marni asks you to consider how you can practice being your most authentic self and how can you bring adventure into your life.

 

Explore, put your phone down, and be who you really are in a new environment. Travel Solo!

 

Make a Connection:

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Travel Fashion Girl

Travel Fashion Girl on Facebook

Travel Fashion Girl on Youtube

Dec 14, 2018

In this one-on-one coaching session, Nicole, 34, shares her latest relationship struggle. She has been dating a guy who doesn’t share her relationship values but there is some magnetic connection between the two of them. She asks Marni for guidance on how to move forward and get the type of relationship she deserves.  

 

The Impact of Rejection  [2:57]

 

Nicole shares the core relationship values the right guy would embody:

 

  1. Integrity
  2. Compassion
  3. Sense of Humor
  4. Honesty
  5. Empathy for Other

 

But, when Marni dissects Nicole’s current relationship the message is clear. The guy she is currently dating doesn’t share the same values. He has been sketchy with her, starting and stopping communication when he wants it, not being where he said he would be, and sometimes not even showing up for dates.

 

His behavior is triggering trust issues for Nicole. She formed these issues in her early childhood based on her relationship with her father. She is attracting emotionally unavailable men because it feels familiar!  

 

For some people love is being a martyr and for some people love needs to be earned.

 

When Trust and Honesty are Missing in a Relationship [17:12]

 

Even though Nicole didn’t experience trauma or excessive drama in her childhood, she still only got love from her father when he was around. A behavior pattern was created when she was young that she could only get love on a man’s terms and when he was available. Many of her other past relationships, including her marriage, reflect the same behavior.

 

She recognizes there is a lack of trust in the relationship but she’s not sure how to break her life-long relationship patterns.

 

How to Break Unhealthy Relationship Patterns  [20:46]

 

Nicole considers maintaining a relationship with the guy but only as friends, no romance. But, he has already given her the disclaimer. He is getting all the boyfriend privileges without the boyfriend responsibilities. Nicole’s aha moment comes when she realizes he has already told her what the future would look like based on his actions.  She just hasn't been listening.

 

Marni recommends her that if she wants someone who has shared values and is committed to finding a true partner she needs to trust herself. And, she needs to make any guy she dates aware of her relationship goals. The guy needs to meet her expectations now, not just talk about how he might meet them in the future.  Nicole needs to tell him that he doesn't make her feel safe emotionally and make it clear to him his actions have consequences.

 

Make a Connection:

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Dec 7, 2018

In this one-on-one coaching session, Marni works with Jesse to shift her mindset and online profile. Jesse uses her online dating profile to meet men but she is not meeting the quality guys who share her same values. Marni peels back the layers to uncover that while Jesse is deeply committed to her kids and active lifestyle, her online profile doesn’t reflect her core values.

 

Dating with Kids  [5:59]

 

Jesse admits she may have been a tad naive about going into the dating world with kids. She thought it wouldn't be an issue because everyone has a past. When several attempts with traditional dating methods didn’t pan out, Jesse joined an online dating site hoping to filter through guys who were not in her same family situation.

 

She created her online dating profile to focus on the things she thought would be fun to do on a date. What she left out were her core values around her family life. So, it makes sense that she is attracting men who don't have the same values.

 

If you want to attract your perfect partner, your online dating profile should reflect your top 5 core values.

 

The Importance of Marketing Your True Self Online [15:03]

 

Marni says not putting your values in your profile will cause unnecessary dating and sifting through men who won't fit into your life. If you make your values known, the right guy who has the same core values will be attracted to your profile.

 

Whoever you are dating, especially if they have never had kids, they will never understand what it is like to be a mom. The guy needs to understand that no matter how good the relationship is, their wants and needs may become a secondary.

 

To Write the Best Online Dating Profile:

 

  1. Lean in to your true self and your core values. What it is like to be a good parent?
  2. Make sure the right guy knows he needs to share your values.
  3. Let him know that you will make time to make him feel special.
  4. Paint a picture of what the relationship will look like.

 

Market Yourself to the RIGHT Guy: Jesse’s Homework  [23:58]

 

Marni gives Jesse some homework that will improve her dating life and increase her chances to meet Mr. Right.

 

  1. She needs to write down her core values.
  2. She needs to consider what she is doing in her life that reflects those core values.
  3. She needs to remove her current online profile and write a new one that paints a picture of her core values.
  4. She needs to forget her old story and lean into who she really is.
  5. She needs to shift her mindset from having kids while dating is an asset, not an issue.

 

To all the ladies out there who are struggling with the same dilemma —

 

The more self-accepting and authentic you are the higher your chances are to find the right guy who knows you are his dream girl.  

 

Make a Connection:

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Nov 30, 2018

Do you need help dating and understanding men?

Do want insights on what real quality men do, think and feel?

Would you like to meet a quality guy NOW?  

 

Marni welcomes Chris G. to the podcast to walk women through what a man is thinking when he is looking for more than a hookup. Chris helped build the awesome manimal profile and is an active member of the man panel.

 

Don’t You Forget About Me: Why Men Orbit [4:54]

 

Orbiting is when a guy stops calling and texting but still likes your social media posts and pics. So, why would a guy do this? It can be frustrating, especially if you liked him.

 

Chris says men like to keep women on tap until another option becomes available. If a woman has made her intentions clear and the guy doesn’t share the same relationship values then by not blocking him she is just contributing to the behavior. Chris believes that women are masters at keeping men available to them and maybe women want men to stalk them.

 

If a woman truly wants to move on she:

 

  1. Removes the things that may trigger her past.
  2. Remembers that guys don't change even if they see how awesome you are.
  3. Contemplates why she is keeping her options open?

 

If you want to move on make yourself un-orbital!

 

The Secret to Getting a Man’s Attention [12:45]

 

Even in beauty soaked Los Angeles, Chris and his friends put less value on physical attractiveness when using Bumble or Tinder. He says “beauty always wears off.” He loves intelligent conversations and laughing with the right girl, the right combination is important.

 

But, THE best and most empowering way to meet a woman, for a man, is for him to go up to her ‘live’ and start a conversation.

 

That’s why Marni and team teach the special secret sauce to women which helps them to really stand out online. They create photos that are evocative of who the woman really is.

 

Chris’s advice —

 

  • Don't be vanilla in the corral of online dating. Stand out.
  • Use your real life smile. No duck lips.
  • An authentic smile is sexier and more attractive to a man.
  • Be real, be you.

 

A man’s goal ultimate goal is to attain a sustainable relationship where the woman and man have integrity and shared common values.

 

Make Yourself Available for a Real Life Encounter with a Quality Man  [23:41]

 

If a real-life connection is what a woman truly wants then why do women close themselves off? Sitting with resting bitchface, arms closed, acting uninterested are all ways to block communication attempts from a quality guy.

 

Chris wants to see a woman who isn't fake or blocked off. It shouldn't be a trial by fire for someone to approach you. No one wants to fight through the armor. He says women are about love. It's their feminine energy that men will fight wars and build temples for. Because men need a woman’s love.

 

Make a Connection:

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Nov 9, 2018

In this special one-year later coaching update episode, client Julie shares the positive direction her life has taken since following the Release, Reveal, and Rejuvenate process. Julie is a smart, successful woman who thought that leaning into her feminine would be perceived as weak. She is now in a relationship with a man who shares her passions and values.

 

It’s Now or Never [2:21]

 

Before contacting Marni, Julie had been dating a guy on and off for about 5-months. Just keeping the relationship alive was costing her her friends and her self-worth. If he called she would drop whatever plans she had just to see him. She felt if she didn’t take the time and the effort with this guy she would never meet another high-quality guy.  She felt like it was her last chance to find true love.

 

She felt like she was leading and pushing the relationship towards where she wanted it to go. She started struggling with depression. All of her thoughts became consumed with him.  She was doing things for him but nothing for herself. On the outside, Julie looked like she had it all together. The rest of the world had no idea Julie was losing herself over a guy.

 

The crisis point came when he canceled a weekend trip with little to no explanation.

 

After being coached by Marni on the podcast, Julie had the verbal framework and the courage to have the conversation she needed to have. But, she waited two months to get the words out because she was afraid of what the outcome would be. She knew it would be a game changer for her. She truly believed there were no high-quality men in her future.

 

Reveal, Release, Rejuvenate [14:27]

 

Julie realized she was in her masculine and trying to control and create instead of going with the flowing and being the person she truly is. There was no room for the guy to be in her life or to get to know her. She recognized she needed ongoing support. She joined the Reveal, Release, Rejuvenate process.

 

What made the reveal, release rejuvenate process different than other personal development work she had done is that in just 10-weeks she was able to overcome her limiting beliefs for the long-term. By focusing on finding herself instead of finding a man, she was able to let herself be seen in all aspects of her life.  

 

Spending time in her feminine allowed Julie’s core essence to blossom and be comfortable with being seen.   

 

Then Versus Now: How Julie Changed Her Life  [21:47]

 

In just one year after working with Marni’s program, Julie says she is no longer on antidepressants, her work life is amazing, and she has multiple opportunities to do the things she loves. She is now in a relationship with a man she calls emotionally intelligent and kind. They share common values and passions.

 

So, what changed for Julie?   

 

When Julie started changing her beliefs about herself and showing more of her true self to the world she started attracting things and people she deserved. She used to think that being in her feminine and being vulnerable made her weak. But, after the Reveal, Release, and Rejuvenate process she feels comfortable sharing her hopes and fears.

 

Six months ago, Julie says she never would have believed that she could be in a relationship that feels so natural.  

 

Make a Connection:

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Nov 2, 2018

On dating sites, do you just look at profile pics and pass up guys before even reading their profiles? Are you attracted to guys who only contact you sporadically or worse, stand you up? In this coaching session, Marni unravels the reasons why Susan always falls for the wrong guy, why she doesn’t truly feel safe dating, and how she can create an emotionally safe space for herself.

 

Where Are the High-Quality Guys? [1:17]

 

Susan started online dating four months ago and has chatted with a lot of guys but isn't finding men she feels match her. She did like two guys but they were both emotionally unavailable. The last guy she dated stood her up three times. She knows he doesn’t bring anything to the table. He is basically a crumbs guy.

 

Susan asks Marni these key questions about online dating:

 

  • There are plenty of men online but none she believes are high-quality men. Are her expectations too high?
  • How do you start communication with a virtual stranger?
  • What are the right questions to ask potential dates to qualify or disqualify them?

 

Susan’s limiting beliefs are:

 

  • She is too much.
  • She has lost the feminine energy.
  • She likes being in a powerful position.

 

Vulnerability is Not a Weakness [6:35]

 

Susan shares her experience of chatting up someone who she finds incredibly sweet but she has already envisioned the challenges they would possibly face in the future. She is afraid of being hurt, rejected, or disappointed.

 

Susan doesn’t truly feel safe dating and is showing up as being emotionally unavailable. Marni points out that it may stem from her early childhood when her father died when she was only 11-years-old. She learned that love isn’t safe and being in control is important for her.

 

The problem is when you are emotionally unavailable you attract other emotionally unavailable people.  

 

Creating Emotional Safety [19:50]

 

Marni asks Susan to be reflective of her choices when dating. What is driving her decisions? Does she just want what she can’t have due to the losses she endured in her life?

 

When Susan creates her own emotional safety she won’t need to control every situation and she can show up in dating feeling really good about who she is.

 

The most self-loving thing she can do is to put her dating on hold and focus on her own emotional needs right now.  

 

How Important is Physical Attraction in Online Dating [30:05]

 

How important is a potential date’s physical appearance when browsing profiles online?  

 

Marni recommends reading a guy’s profile first. If his core values match your core values then consider how attracted you are to him. Studies have shown that if a man meets a woman’s core values his attractiveness automatically increases.

 

When dating online, screen a profile for values first then consider the photos.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Oct 26, 2018

Ladies, learn to market yourself online and off and treat your online dating profile as your personalized dating service. Image and Flirting Coach, Kim Seltzer joins Marni to share her top tips for attracting the high-caliber man you’ve been looking for. Sexy isn’t an accident. You will want to update your profile immediately after listening to this episode!

 

Are Your Limiting Beliefs Getting in the Way of You Finding an High-Caliber Guy? [3:34]

 

There are many things women tell themselves that get in the way of them finding the right guy.

 

Do you have these limiting beliefs?:

 

  • Are you confident on the inside and you don’t think you need to worry about your outward appearance?
  • You don’t make the most of your sexiness because you want a man who wants you for your intelligence.
  • You discount how beautiful your body is by wearing clothes that are too big for you.

 

If you want to change your life then ditch these limiting beliefs and change your image. Image is — how you are perceived by other people.

 

Are you sending guys mixed messages about who you are and what you want by hiding yourself under the wrong clothes?

 

To attract a male, a sexual partner exudes a sexy, feminine image.

 

How-to Portray a Sexy Image Online [10:17]

 

A Match.com survey found that women should look directly into the camera and smile because if you look in another direction you may be perceived as aloof or bitchy.

 

Kim’s Top Tips for Your Online Dating Pics:

 

  • Have a full body shot in a dress.
  • Less is more. You are only as good as your best picture.
  • Pics should show your beautiful, feminine self.
  • Be approachable in your pics. Body language is key.
  • Consider what a guy would like.

 

At the end of the day, men love women who love themselves. So, let your best self shine through!

 

How-to Portray a Sexy Image Offline [25:53]

 

Sure sweatpants are comfy but is that what you want a guy’s first impression of you to be? Research shows that a first impression is made within 30-seconds of meeting a person. So, if you only have 30-seconds to attract a high-caliber guy what should you do?

 

  1. Wear a dress. Men love it and you will feel feminine and sexy.
  2. Wear heels. Big, chunky heels can show off your calves just as much as stilettos.
  3. Wear something that makes you feel good and showcases your best features.

 

Ultimately, you want to be the person you want to attract. If what you are doing currently isn’t working you need to change it up and marinate in your feminine.

 

If you want to find the high-caliber man you desire, make an appointment with the Dating Den experts at DWDVIP.com.  

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

The Charisma Quotient Podcast

The Charisma Quotient Website

Oct 19, 2018

The Host of the New Man Podcast, Tripp Lanier joins Marni to tell us how we can finally learn how to understand men!

 

Tripp coaches people to start doing what they were put on this earth to do. He is a self-proclaimed Personal Development Jackass. He experiments with life by doing 10-day silent meditation retreats, plant medicine journeys, he designs businesses to support a simple lifestyle and he is in connection with really important people!  He imparts the truth today so listen up ladies.

 

Why Do We Still Act Like Children When We Should Be Mature by Now? [3:19]

 

The acting like a child mentality is not specific to men, women can be guilty of this too. It stems from our childhoods. We come into this world completely helpless. Someone else nurtures us when we cry, bitch and moan. And, some of us never get past that. This is why Tripp is on a mission to make people aware of this trap as he offers advice on how to pull them out of it.

 

If this is a pattern we all fall into, how do we recognize it and snap out of it? Tripp says, taking full responsibility for our own actions based on the kind of relationships we want can be a big step in the right direction. The hard part for most people is they attract a certain type of person based on the type of person they are. If you attract someone who needs fixing, you may have a need to be in control. If you want to attract the kind of person you desire in your life you may need to open up and be vulnerable.

 

Do Quality Guys Wait Around for a Woman to Open Up and Be Trusting? [10:51]

 

Men find walled-up women painful to be with. It doesn't feel good to them to be with someone whose heart is closed. Only guys looking for a project will date fixer-uppers,  the rest will go home with the fun, flirty type of girl.

 

When dating, are you being playful, accessible, and do you take risks? Or, are you trying to be safe and control the situation?

 

Just be yourself is age-old and sage advice but it’s the best way to enter a relationship.

 

Is He Relationship Ready? [17:32]

 

There is no telltale sign that a guy is ready for a relationship. Tripp says when the dynamic is right then a guy is ready. It's not aforethought. He doesn't think "OK, today I will find someone to have a relationship with."

 

Men want to be loved and appreciated for who they truly are. And wants to feel alive in a relationship.

 

Why Do Men Ghost or Refuse to Commit?  [21:52]

 

Men are humans and as humans, they fear discomfort and pain. When faced with an uncomfortable task, like calling someone to say they are not interested, they avoid it. That is why men ghost.

 

There is no winning when we make assumptions about someone.

 

If your guy refuses to commit or never brings the subject of commitment up, Tripp says he probably just doesn’t like you enough to commit.

 

Ladies, don’t block yourself from having a great man by putting him in a box before you really get to know him.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Tripp Lanier

The New Man Podcast

Oct 12, 2018

Marni welcomes Tiffany into the Den to get some guidance on how to step up her dating game and to let go of the anxiety dating a new guy brings into her life. Tiffany shares the personal details of her latest encounter with a guy she has been dating for three weeks.  

 

Ladies, if you have any anxiety around dating this call is an important one. It can help you step out of old patterns and find the right guy for you.  

 

Is This Guy Just Like Every Other Guy? [2:06]

 

The guys Tiffany normally dates follow a similar pattern. They are hot and heavy and make it all about her early on and then they back off without her knowing why. The guy she is currently dating has just backed off after she sent a text questioning his interest. When he didn't respond in the way she wanted, she started worrying that he was about to back off too.   

 

Could This Have Something To Do with Me?  [8:00]

 

First things first, remember ladies it is always about you and not about the guy. Tiffany is replaying a childhood issue of abandonment over and over again in her relationships. When she is single she is fine and can take care of herself, but when she starts dating she is triggered and gets anxious,because she isn’t in 100% control of what is going to happen.

 

In general, if a guy thinks he is responsible for someone else’s self-love and emotional wholeness he’s going to back off.

 

Until we deal with our core abandonment issues we should pull a ‘Costanza’ and do the opposite of what first comes to our mind.

 

When you feel yourself drift into scared and anxious:

 

  1. Instead of being mean to yourself, talk to your little girl and talk yourself through your feelings.
  2. Realize that one person not texting back or showing up has nothing to do with why you are feeling anxious.
  3. Pivot away from taking control of the relationship and instead take care of yourself.

 

Men say what they mean and mean what they say so listen to them when they talk to you.  

 

Takeaways & Next Steps for Tiffany [24:37]

 

Now that Tiffany realizes she may be reliving her childhood abandonment issues in her dating life, she can take the steps to heal and start to finally attract a different type of guy.

 

Marni gives her strategies for sending healthy text messages and inquiries if a future guy starts to ghost her or if she just feels as if the relationship isn’t giving her what she wants for her life.

 

Tip: If a man gives you a disclaimer, listen to him. He means what he says!

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Shola Kaye Website

Oct 5, 2018

Marni welcomes Communications Expert Shola Kaye into the den to share her personal experience of overcoming fear and quietness to become a communications coach, public speaker, and professional singer.

 

Shola’s work has been featured in Harper’s Bazaar, Marie Claire, Forbes, and on the BBC. Her mission is to help women become powerful communicators, build businesses, careers, and relationships using speaking as a tool. She is the author of How to Be A D.I.V.A. at Public Speaking and her new book, Speak Up on the Spot.   

 

Shola’s Personal Development Journey [3:01]

 

Shola had always viewed herself as an introvert. Originally from the UK, she found herself working as an Account Manager in the US. She knew she was quieter and always felt tongue-tied as compared to her US colleagues. She didn't have the confidence to share her ideas. And, in our show and tell society people who don't speak up can get lost, or hide. When she was let go from a temporary contract job because of her communication skills, she knew it was time to go on a personal development journey.   

 

Shola’s quiet demeanor even impacted her dating. Guys just assumed that because she was quiet she didn't have an opinion. Her relationships would normally end with her blowing up because she was offended by something a guy did when she had never told him it bothered her.  

 

If Shola’s story resonates with you, know that you can be empowered to become an effective communicator.  

 

The D.I.V.A. Framework  [8:30]

 

In her book, How to Be a D.I.V.A. of Public Speaking, Shola created a framework to help women know when they may be over or under sharing.

 

Dynamic

Inspiring

Valuable

Authentic  

 

Shola says some people have difficulty being dynamic in their communications because they fear of being judged or they fear not getting the response they intended to get.

 

To be more engaging and dynamic practice interacting with people more. If it’s a presentation at work, ask questions from the group. If you are on a date, be playful and ask light-hearted questions. In both cases, a little bit of humor can go a long way.

 

Flex your communication muscle by doing one thing every day to get you out of your comfort zone.  

 

How to Overcome Fear & Be Your Authentic Self [18:36]

 

Shola works with clients to understand fully who they are, what they can be, and how they can be ‘that’ in any situation. She says it’s important to be proactive about who you can be.

 

She created the 10-10-10 exercise to help get women out of their negative self talk. Do this when you start falling into negative thinking:

 

  1. Write down a negative statement about what could happen in a given situation.
  2. Write down a neutral statement about what could happen in the same situation.
  3. Write a positive statement about what could happen in that situation.
  4. Now focus on the positive statement and release those negative thoughts!

 

Tip: Stuck in your head? Squeeze your butt cheeks together to bring you back to the present and slow your thoughts down!

 

How to Be a Good Communicator & Stay in Your Feminine [22:34]

 

In the workplace, many women believe that in order to compete they need to stay in their masculine but in dating this can lead to disaster. Men are with women for the softness. If we are tough all the time it makes it difficult for a man to take the masculine role and really care for us.

 

To exhibit your softer side, two good habits are:

 

  1. Let other people speak first and really listen and acknowledge them before sharing your perspective.
  2. When asking someone for something you want be sure not to assign blame and don't create drama when you react to something.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Shola Kaye Website

Sep 28, 2018

Do you resonate with wanting someone who doesn’t want you?

 

Nicole visits the Dating Den today to ask Marni for guidance on how she can move past her current crush. For over a year she has wanted more yet he refuses to give any more than necessary to keep her around. She wants to find a guy she can have a fulfilling relationship with and who fits into her vision of the future.  

 

The Backstory [2:16]

 

Nicole met Adam at the gym. He was often busy or had an excuse for why he couldn’t go out with her so she got the hint early on that he wasn't interested. But, when she started dating someone else he called her and started paying more attention to her. Then again after three weeks of him canceling dates, the relationship fizzled. They continue to have sex and stay over at each other’s houses but he shows up when he wants or when he needs something, not when she needs something.

 

It bothers her when she asks him to do something and he puts her off.

 

Why Nicole Sets Herself Up to Be Rejected  [7:39]

 

She was hopeful, but also a little scared about asking Adam on a day trip. She wanted to share some special time with him but she knew he would probably say he was busy. She mentally prepared herself to be disappointed because he often lets her down.  

 

Marni discovers that there is a pattern in Nicole’s life of asking for things and then being disappointed. When she was younger, she would ask her mom for things but would often get disappointed. She believed it wasn't fair so she continued to ask until she got her way. She internalized the experience as rejection, yet she persisted.

 

The role we take on in our early family life often bleeds into our adult life. Nicole is still trying to get her mom to say yes and to love her. She is staying in a space that is comfortable and familiar to her. Her younger brain is in control and she is addicted to rejection. This makes Adam her perfect dysfunctional partner. He leaves a trail of emotional crumbs and she feels connected with him when she picks them up. He gives her an opportunity to be of service.

 

Have you tried something over and over even though you know it doesn’t work? It may be because you don’t know any other way to address the situation.

 

How Nicole Can Get Real Connection[26:29]

 

In order for Nicole to achieve feelings of validation and connection instead of rejection and disappointment, she needs to recognize her patterns and ask herself high-quality questions when she feels like contacting Adam. She should make sure her actions allow her to stay committed to her visions of being in a healthy relationship within the next year.

 

When she shifts her beliefs and actions she will attract men that are connected to her values. Beginning a good relationship shouldn’t be hard.  

 

Remember ladies, date with dignity!

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Sep 21, 2018

Do you refuse to date a guy because he doesn’t make six figures?

 

Will your Mr. Right to take care of all of your debt?

 

Ladies, money and love go hand-in-hand in the den today. My guest, Kiné Corder has over 20-years experience in the field of finance, she is a financial therapist and she is the host of the Prosperity Report podcast. She is also a bestselling author, a sought-after international speaker, she has been on Good Morning America, Oprah, and Entertainment Tonight. Her wellness company just launched the ‘Presidential Lifestyle’ to help couples become a winning team in love, life, and money.

 

Can Money Really Buy Happiness? [4:23]

 

Technically yes, money can buy happiness but Kiné says, "There is a dollar sign associated with almost everything we want or need. It's the knowing what will actually make us happy that is the hard part." Getting some financial therapy can be a great way to drill down to figure out what happiness means to you and then help you to go out and grab prosperity.

 

The phrase ‘money can’t buy happiness’ is used so often that many people get confused about the role money plays in their lives. When people do get money they buy things that don't make them happy just to align with the programming they received about money from their parents or early influencers.

 

It is possible to shift your financial mindset.

 

Women Can Be Successful in Business & in Love [6:50]

 

Ladies, you can have it all just not at the same time. Everyone wants to have it all but do you really want to juggle everything at the same time. Kiné warns that if you are leaning into your profession, then you are leaning away from something else. Don't lean so far you tip over. 

 

Are you an ambitious, independent woman who doesn’t realize she is pushing men away?  Men don't marry the independent woman they just stay for a while because they are intrigued by her. Men want to share their life with a responsible woman. They want women to support them in their goals.

 

What is Your Money Personality? [13:34]

 

It’s important to recognize your money personality because it will impact how you choose a man.

 

There are 5 Key Elements of the Money Cycle:

● Earn

● Grow

● Protect

● Gift

● Enjoy

 

And, There are 7 Money Mentality Types:

 

● The Spender

● The Saver

● The Blamer

● The Enthusiast

● The Hero

● The Artist

● The President

 

How you handle money is closely related to how you give and receive love. If you want to find out which archetype you are take the online money quiz on Kiné’s website.

 

Love Tip - The right guy should share your values about money. It’s not all about the dollar signs.

 

Strategies for Healthy Money Communications [26:43]

 

It’s okay to have conversations about money early in a relationship, says Kiné. The more vulnerable and trusting you about your values, love and financial, the better your relationship will be. 

 

6-Steps to having healthy conversations about money:

 

1. Learn your Money Mentality

2. Discover your idea of prosperity

3. Be a lifelong learner

4. Have a money day once a month

5. Delegate challenges and lean on your strengths

6. What you focus on expands

 

Be sure to open up about your debt too. It is perfectly normal to have healthy debt. Shift your old programming and learn for yourself what the best financial strategy for you is.

 

Shared values are imperative for a relationship to succeed.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Kiné Corder

Prosperity Report Podcast

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