Marni and Chris dive into the fourth season of reality series, Love is Blind, to take a look at what goes on behind the scenes of the dating world by contemplating the contestants’ behavior. The duo discusses what it means to be attracted to a certain archetype and how that reflects on you. Dating comes with its own set of etiquette, and sometimes it’s confusing, especially when you find yourself in that grey area between casually dating and being exclusive. Questions as to how to handle it surface. What situation warrants jealousy? When should you talk to the person about? Which partner should you pick? How do you navigate your significant other flirting with someone else? The questions are endless, but Marni and Chris take the example of couples on-screen to unpack all the answers.

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Don’t fall in love with potential

 - How to date from a place of confidence

 - Stand up for your self-worth

 - What you need vs what you want

 - How to figure out your type

 - Be honest with yourself

Settling for the Familiar [04:05]

Zack, one of the contestants on the series, is someone who is upfront about his baggage; he doesn’t hide his traumas. But at the same token, he doesn’t seem to want to do the internal work on himself either. And that affects his dating choices as he navigates towards the familiar, Irina, rather than the potentially healthier choice, Bliss. His behavior mimics much of our own behavior IRL. 

When faced with the choice between two women, who are essentially polar opposites, Zack picks the one whose baggage resonates with his own personal trauma. He picks Irina, who is somewhat mean, because she’s the easy choice in that she has similar issues and will accept him as he is. Whereas Bliss is grounded and career-oriented. She’s the type that sets boundaries. 

Picking the Irinas of the dating scene is a common trap we all fall into. It’s not about there not being any good men or women out there. There are. It’s just that much of the time, we’re not dating from a place of confidence. So, we lean into the person who is emotionally unavailable because that’s the stage we’re at. And unfortunately, that means we sometimes miss out on the good guy because we were too distracted with what we wanted and what we were familiar with, then what we may have needed. 

You’re just so tuned out to that frequency; you’re deflecting the possibility that someone is treating you well, that you end up attracted to someone that is emotionally unavailable like you are. It feels familiar. 

And even when we meet the good guy, it’s almost like we’re making up reasons not to choose him. It’s a form of self-sabotage. Rather than doing the work on ourselves, and standing up for our self-worth, we choose to settle for what we think we deserve. 

But why is he your type? [12:55]

When talking types, it’s vital to look at the why. If you’re someone who’s usually attracted to the emotionally unavailable, then look into the reason behind that attraction. In understanding why a certain archetype attracts you, you’ll begin to unpack what it is you actually need versus what you want. A lot of the time when dating, people go for what feels good in that particular moment but that’s not always the right decision. 

So, when it comes to figuring out what you want in a partner, go deep. Write down in a journal the things that attract you and why. Find out what is the type of person you need that brings out your higher self and inspires you. Because that’s the type you can build with. Basically, figure out your wish list. 

Marni and Chris talk about Mika and Paul. Mika admits that Paul isn’t what she usually goes for. But while he might not be her type, he could be what she needs. 

When you’re dating someone who is treating you well, and giving you what you need, not what you’re used to, you will have to be uncomfortable [for a while] and allow yourself to get to know that person. 

Don’t Search for External Validation [21:27]

Marni and Chris talk about Mika and Irina’s behaviors of flirting with men who are already taken in an effort to validate themselves – regardless of how their actions may hurt or affect someone else. They get their power from being desired physically. 

And this is an archetype that is found IRL on the dating scene. But it speaks to a lack of self-love, and stems from a place of insecurity. 

There is a certain set of beliefs that we hold on to, no matter what our age is. And it’s one many of us might be familiar with or might have gone through at one point or another. It’s this idea that if we’re sexually attractive to those around us, then we have the power; we are enough. But in most cases, men will flirt or sleep with you. But it doesn’t mean they will be attracted to you long-term. Because that isn’t where your validation should stem from, nor is it what you should derive your value from. 

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
 
Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
 
Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life?  Book A Call With Us

Marni welcomes Matt Hogan, entrepreneur, coach, and wanderer (only a few among many of his other titles), to the Life Check Yourself Studio, and they explore what it means to let go of the guilt and the shame that’s been holding you back from achieving balance in your energy and your life. The duo ponders the steps it takes to unlock the next phases in life. In a world that is constantly obsessing over productivity, and checklists, it seems human beings have forgotten how to reconnect with their authentic selves. Matt and Marni discuss what it takes to fall back in love with yourself and unleash your desires. And it starts with taking responsibility for your experiences, your past and whatever it is that’s keeping you stuck. By learning to acknowledge and forgive yourself, the whole world opens up, and what once seemed impossible becomes very much possible. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Dating is a buffet culture

 - Let your energy flow

 - How to release your guilt

 - Stop dragging your energy down

 - How to restore balance in yourself

 - Forgiveness is empowerment 

Navigating Through Dating with Transparency [02:04]

Dating can be tough; especially that we’re all coming in with our own baggage. Add to that, that there are already so many options out there, and it becomes stunting sometimes. And that makes it even scarier to open up about certain things when you’re never really quite sure if the person in front of you will accept them. 

However, when we start accepting these things ourselves, the people we attract don’t end up judging us for them. We all carry guilt or shame for certain actions in our past or certain traumas, but it’s important to remember that we’re human. In doing so, we allow ourselves the grace to fail, and subsequently forgive ourselves for those shortcomings. 

Matt, who at some point in his life had attempted suicide, speaks of the guilt that came with that, and the shame that he held around it. He explains that it was a really difficult story for him to share, partly because it came with a fear of being rejected. But essentially, these feelings stemmed from the grief that he was still carrying within himself about it; it was grief that he had never processed. 

You still hold a little bit of guilt or judgment for yourself, and you haven’t let yourself off the hook yet as a human being. 

Whatever it is that has triggered that guilt in us, if we haven’t dealt with it and processed it then we take it with us into the new relationship we’re getting into. It’s almost like we’re stuck and we’re carrying that energy with us into the next phase. Whereas when that energy can flow; when it can move, we can finally begin to let it go. And once we’ve stopped holding back, and we’ve processed it, and released it, we attract the right people who won’t hold us accountable for our past.  

It actually makes your relationship open up because you’ve opened up. 

Falling in Love with Yourself is Your Responsibility [07:40]

Start by taking responsibility. It’s about being responsible for your feelings; your actions; and your experiences. Realize that you’re not responsible for other people’s actions, or for how the world reacts. Release that need of trying to control what’s out of your hands. 

At the end of the day, it’s about restoring balance within yourself. Having all the enablements of the past – be it relationships or experiences – take a hold of your energy drags you down. 

So, to support yourself in all the parts that make you, you, stop and recognize what's happening within you. If you find difficulty getting out of bed, or you feel like you keep running and running without ever getting anywhere, then that’s the first thing you need to draw your awareness to. That’s where you start from. 

Nature is always trying to balance itself out, and we are a part of nature. 

If you look at the planet around us, it’s trying to balance the system so that it functions. Our bodies, because we are nature, do the same thing. We always want to rebalance, whether that’s on a mental, physical, emotional or spiritual level. And they all work together. 

Being able to take responsibility by pressing pause, and saying to yourself, ‘this is where I’m at’, ‘this is how I feel’ is how you start to fall back in love with yourself. And once that’s done, you can attract what you desire most. 

It takes a lot of courage to have that awareness and really listen to the whisper. 

Claim Your Desires [17:16]

Women, in today’s culture (and historically), are almost not expected to want and to desire. But desires are healthy; they are beautiful. 

It’s healthy and beautiful for women to desire. Let your desires fly and find peace and balance within yourself as you open up to your desires. 

It’s not about shutting down the desires that you haven’t claimed yet but rather about finding out what is that feeling that you’re chasing after, what is that feeling that you want in your life, and actually inviting that into your daily life. If you can trace back the feeling that you want, then you can look at the space between who you are now and who you are becoming. And once you get clear on the feeling associated with who you’re becoming, you can get clear on the balance you need. It’s then a matter of deciding what that looks like for you and taking responsibility. 

Ultimately, it’s about how do you decorate the inside house that is you?

And that could be through stability, or security, or safety or balance. It depends on you. But search for it internally, not externally. 

Make a Connection:

 - Matt Hogan’s Website

 - Matt Hogan’s Free Guided Workbook

 - 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*

 - Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*

 - Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life?  Book A Call With Us

Marni welcomes Jay Fields, who is an educator, a coach and an author, in the Life Check Yourself studio, to talk about how you can have your own back and learn to process your feelings instead of taking unhealthy coping mechanisms from childhood into your adulthood. Jay also gives Linked learning courses on managing your emotions at work and practices for regulating your nervous system and reducing stress. In this episode, the duo discuss how it is we can regulate ourselves and hold our feelings in a healthy way that we can then communicate to those around us. And it starts from an internal standpoint.

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Give people the right read

 - How to train your body to have a different reaction

 - Don’t pretzel yourself

 - How to differentiate between awareness and transformation

 - What are the practices that help you regulate?

 - Take responsibility

Do You Have Your Own Back? [01:53]

Having your own back is essential, especially in a society that rather teaches us to be smart, and to do what needs to be done without confronting our own experiences. 

When you don’t have your own back, the experience is more external, almost like you’re looking to someone else to tell you how you should act or react. It’s when you experience situations in terms of what you think people expect of you, and adapt to that expectation. Rather than setting boundaries, you turn into a chameleon to please those around you, be it socially or at work. 

Having your own back is first knowing that you have an experience that you can track, and then knowing how to be an advocate for that; and soothe yourself in that, whatever it is you need in that moment. 

The embodiment of not having your own back looks like you’re leaning outside of yourself; you’re not holding your own energy but rather you’re more concerned with what’s going on externally. And what happens is that you’re not quite there. And people, whether or not they’re aware of it, can feel it. It’s about how we hold ourselves from an energy standpoint. 

A person that doesn’t have their own back tends to have a dysregulated nervous system, and that can manifest in several ways. For an immobilized or a down regulated system, the person is like a turtle in a shell, they’re withdrawing. 

Be Soft [ 11:05]

When you’re dysregulated, one of the things to look at is what are the practices that help you regulate? And this differs from one person to the other. But a step towards regulating is bringing yourself back down enough, so that you have access to your thinking brain. 

When a person is dysregulated, they’re in survival mode. And the key to fixing it is tracking what’s happening within your own body. Once you’ve managed to do that and be aware of it, then you can use that knowledge to craft what you might want to say in the way that you want to say it. 

It’s about understanding what you felt at any given moment, and acknowledging that feeling. It’s about how you can soothe it, which is different than actually regulating. Soothing is speaking truth to power. 

A lot of women tend to skip the soothing step and either try to get it from someone else, or decide to become super self-sufficient with an’I don’t need anyone, I can take care of myself’ attitude. 

You’ve regulated, you’ve soothed then it’s the do I need to advocate in some way?

When it comes to advocating for it, being mindful of exactly what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it will go a long way in helping you communicate it to the person in front of you. 

We want some softness in this. And the softness is, I can be there for myself and I know how to then speak from that to the person. 

Acknowledge Those Big Feelings [18:10]

A lot of us when faced with an uncomfortable or a difficult feeling tend to go down two routes; either how can I fix this? Or what can I do to distract myself from this? 

These are templates that were ingrained in us from childhood through one of our caregivers. And it wasn’t done with ill-intent. It’s the scenario when a child goes to their caregiver with a problem, and the immediate reaction is how can they fix this for them? Or what can they do to make them feel better?

Whereas when the first response to your feelings is acknowledgment, and the space to talk about how a particular situation made you feel, you learn to be able to understand that feeling and take a different approach with you into adulthood, rather than jumping into action. 

You get met in the feeling first, you take a bit and then you realize you’re not weird for having this feeling, and it’s not uncommon. 

Make a Connection:

 - Jay Fields’ Website

 - 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*

 - Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*

 - Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life?  Book A Call With Us

Marni welcomes Sherianna Boyle, best-selling author of Emotional Detox and founder of Emotional Detox Cleansing, to Life Check Yourself to delve into the process of manifestation and what it actually means. Sherianna’s book the Four Gifts of Anxiety was also endorsed by the National Association of Mental Health, and she’s helped thousands of people on their journey to process and detox their emotions. In this episode, the pair look at what it actually means to manifest, and how our energies work in synergy towards that. Human beings are actually in a state of manifestation 24/7, and when it comes to the process, two things are required: energy and action. But what does action in that framework mean? And how do we define it?

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Your emotions are important

 - Manifesting as energy and action

 - How to hold your emotions

 - We’re always manifesting

 - Don’t attach yourself to outcome

 - We’re conditioned to action

We’re in Constant State of Change [04:18]

Energy is consciousness; it’s inner movement. When your energy is in motion, you feel more relaxed. And when your energy is in action, things are moving internally, from a vibrational standpoint. 

Growing up, society teaches us that we need to control our emotions. Whether it’s at work, at home, or within the context of social interaction, we’re taught that we almost need to suppress our emotions and get on with the day. If you’re having a bad day, it doesn’t matter; there’s no time to process because you need to pick up the kids from school or you have a deadline at work, and so on and so forth. 

What happens then is that you don’t allow your emotions to go into the processing stage, and you end up suppressing whatever you’re feeling and sweeping it under the rug. However, when you allow your emotions to be in flow, you’re giving them permission to exist. These emotions then give you information about your life, because that’s when naturally, your intuition quicks in and acts as a guide. When both your energy is in flow and your intuition is in flow, that’s your energy in action. 

There is no such thing as being stuck; energy is always in motion; it’s always reshaping and reforming itself. 

Human beings are always in a state of change. As human beings, when we don’t see things moving on the outside, in terms of action, we assume nothing is happening. But that’s not true. There is constantly something happening beneath the surface. It's just that it hasn’t made its way to the physical plane yet. 

A lot happens when we allow our energy to move; when we allow our emotions to be processed. Intuition starts kicking in. A lot is at work underneath the scene because manifesting takes place on another plane, so we’re on another level of consciousness, it just hasn’t trickled down to the physical yet. 

Let’s Manifest [ 14:08]

Everything that’s happening outside of you is actually happening inside of you. It’s like a mirror. One of the laws Sherianna discusses is the law of correspondence which is that the external is mimicked within the internal. 

If you’re going through a busy period in your life, internally you might feel less settled, you might have some chaotic energy. The author goes on to explain that energy is in action when we begin to work on the inside. And the laws that she delves into in her books cover how you can learn to understand these energies and process those emotions. 

The thing about manifesting is that these laws all work together. 

You can transform any emotion, whether its frustration or anger, into a sense of calm, peace, and grounded-ness. It’s the law of transmutation. It’s in understanding the role of energy and learning through certain practices how to process these emotions that you reach that space. And part of the journey is understanding the energy of faith, which is having faith and trusting the process. 

Now we’re talking frequency and vibration, so what I’m feeling around this whole thing is that as you download trust, have faith. You have to trust your intuition, you follow it. And it’s not always comfortable to follow your intuition. 

Reconnecting with the Source Energy [21:30]

A big part of manifesting requires faith. It also requires, as per the law of detachment, to not attach ourselves to outcomes – a mistake a lot of us make. 

A lot of times, we put ourselves on a timeline with a deadline for our healing, or our growth. But there is no timeline, healing and growth looks different for different people. The law of polarity teaches that we can experience the opposite of something else. So, the opposite of having a timeline is space, it’s having freedom. And when you’re in alignment with the spiritual law of polarity, you’re going to find that you’ve loosened your grip a bit on those timelines. 

It’s important to acknowledge and remind ourselves that it’s all based on source energy. It’s about going back to that source energy which some people call God, others call the creator or the universe. When we’re feeling like something’s not working or like we keep checking to see when it’ll happen, it’s because we’re separated from the source energy. 

Because when we’re with the source, we’re in oneness and it just is. There is no this or that, no us or them. It’s just we’re all one. 

Make a Connection:

Sherianna Boyle's Good Enough Program

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
 
Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
 
Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life?  Book A Call With Us

Marni and Chris look at the relationships, from beginning to end, that define reality series, Love is Blind, in an effort to glean the take-aways that can be applied within our own dating lives. As the series comes close to its end, the duo discusses episodes 43 to 50 where we see more drama unraveling with relationships coming to an end, and new ones blossoming, while others persist still. Navigating through the early stages of a relationship isn’t easy. What should you do when he all of a sudden loses interest? Do you confront him? Do you speak to your friends when you’ve already gotten the answer you need? A big part of dating is taking cues and being able to pick up on the actions of your partner, and what they mean for you. Understanding how to react to this person, your own insecurities, and theirs is part and parcel of the dating world. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Don’t wait around for him to decide

 - How to be rejection-proof?

 - Don’t Give Him All the Power

 - The roots create the fruit

 - Relationships are season

 - Don’t overcompensate 

Act Like it, Don’t Say it [01:35]

Using the example of Cassie and Claudia, Marni explains that telling a man you’re not an option is different than acting it. Claudia waited around for Cassie to make his decision then confronted him, which pushed him even further away and right into Rosie’s arms. She made the decision easy for him. Now, that’s not to say that we shouldn’t confront someone who's hurt us but there’s a way to do it. And that’s not to say that the outcome would’ve been different for Cassie and Claudia, but she would’ve saved herself a lot of pain had she done it differently. 

If someone has shown you, through their actions, that they’re not interested or they’re interested in someone else, don’t wait around for them to make it clearer. What happened with Claudia is that she started to overcompensate and lean in too much. 

If you’re going to get the same result anyway, hold your head up high, and actually act like you’re not a second option. Don’t just say it, act it. 

We’ve all been in similar situations where we’ve dated or been with someone who can’t make up their mind. And the way forward isn’t necessarily to avoid talking to them about it, but it’s about confronting them with the notion that you’re not going to stick around, and that you don’t need them. 

What we mean by leaning in is that you’re able to be vulnerable but like a red wood tree where you’re grounded, confident, and your worthiness isn’t based on anyone else’s behavior or judgment. So, you have this resilience. 

Trees can lean; they can sway but they never topple over. Regardless of the outcome, Claudia could have saved herself the extra heartache and the time had she removed herself from the situation earlier. And that’s a trap a lot of women fall into, where they don’t always know when it’s time to leave. And even when they do, they stay a little longer out of hope or the idea they’ve built of that person. 

Consensus Building; Just Don’t [10:53]

It’s something we’re all guilty of, where we’ll speak to our partner then go speak to all of our friends, our social circles, our friend’s boyfriends and so on. We turn to so many people for advice, and end up confused by all the different answers. It becomes a medley of what we want to do; what we know what we should do; and what so and so thinks we should do.  

An example of this is when Rosie speaks to Cassie about how he’s being with her, to which he gives an answer that seems to appease her. She then goes on to talk to her social circle and is given an opinion that may or may not work for her. 

When you’re consensus building, take stalk of who you’re asking. 

Different people have different opinions, it’s normal. Rosie got her opinion from Ron, who’s M.O in the beginning was to not communicate, whereas she seems like someone who’s communicative. With that being said, if you’re someone who has the courage to be direct and have the conversation then do it, and see what your partner says. And then from that, see how he behaves as things progress. Rather than going to so many different people to ask their opinion. 

Consensus building is probably one of the biggest mistakes you could ever make. If you see yourself doing it, just notice that you’re doing it to soothe your hypervigilant amygdala that is scared and triggered. 

Does Your PDA Style Say Something? [22:05]

Everyone has a different way of showing affection. For some, a kiss in public is great; for others it’s uncomfortable. It’s important to get these questions out of the way early on in the relationship so that you know your partner’s style. 

When discussing Ron and Lana, Marni points out that they don’t partake in a lot of PDA. But does your partner not being into public displays of affection actually mean something about the relationship? Christ points out that women are usually the ones who define the relationship vibe. When it comes to Ron and Lana, that’s just the pace they’re going at and who they are. But they might actually be the ones to make it do the end even if they kiss like pensioners. 

Either way, know what your partner’s PDA style is and that it doesn’t necessarily speak to how much they care about you on a deeper level. Some people are comfortable with PDA and others aren’t! That’s just how it is.  

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
 
Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
 
Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life?  Book A Call With Us

Marni welcomes Crystal Ware, podcast host and former fortune 500 corporate leader who left it all behind to pursue her dreams, at the Life Check Yourself studio. The pair looks at what it means to actually pursue your goals, and the barriers that stop us from being that version of ourselves. Crystal delves into the process that puts us on the path of achieving our vision, whatever it may be. A step towards getting there is asking the hard questions, learning to let go of that fear, and getting clear on where it is that we want to be. They discuss the journey with its ups and downs, and how the failures and rejections actually shape the destination. It’s not about having that golden streak, or getting it right from the first go, but rather about shifting our self-belief and putting in the work. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Courage comes before commitment 

 - Keep showing up 

 - It starts with one decision

 - How to deal with the illusion of time

 - Work on your self-belief

 - How to recognize your value

Ask The Big Questions [01:45]

Crystal, who had a shining career in corporate, speaks from experience when she narrates her journey towards pursuing her dream. In today’s world, we’re distracted by everything that sparkles and shines; we’ve all ended up chasing the comfortable set-up thinking that’s what we’re meant to be doing. And it works for some but not everyone. When you feel stunted, stuck, and it almost feels like you were meant for more, or for something else; it’s time to ask the hard questions. 

For Crystal, the seed was born during the pandemic. While she was happy with her life in general, there were aspects of her professional life that stopped being fulfilling – a situation that a lot of us can relate to where confinement forced us inwards, and pushed us to introspect on our lives. 

And that’s what it was, a chance to look inwards. But where and how do you start? It’s by taking the time to ask the big questions, looking into what you actually want and what you want your life to look like. What are the things you need to be investing in more, be it in terms of energy or time, to get to that dream?

It’s easy to forget how profoundly that time [the pandemic] impacted all of us. 

Sit and reflect on what you want out of life; figure out what is the legacy you want to leave behind. It’s not necessarily going to be an easy shift but it is worth it. It requires work. And once you’ve taken a step back and looked at how you can progress towards that goal you eventually want to reach, then you can take actionable steps. It’s not about right now, it’s not even about tomorrow, it’s about where you want to be in 10 years. 

So, break away from the stereotypes that you’ve had of yourself in order to become the person you want to be and are destined to be. 

It wasn’t just about saying, ‘okay I know I want to go somewhere different but [looking at] where that was headed. And that helped a lot in defining my vision for my life, my goals and how I was actually going to go about achieving them. 

The Three C’s [ 11:15]

Get clarity, get confident and find the courage. You get clarity by being clear on what it actually is that you want to do. You build the confidence to take action. And then you find the courage to do it. It’s a process; it’s not magic. 

Where is the internal shift to say that I don’t need to keep recreating from the patterns of that lack of belief in myself? That is the thing to say, that’s the defining moment. 

What stands in the way of clarity is fear. It’s a fear we’ve either had built in from our childhood, our past experience or our view of ourselves. It’s being able to break free from the shackles of our past patterns that’ll eventually lead us to take the first step towards that goal. Being unable to vocalize or envision that dream sometimes stems from a fear of saying out loud. 

Crystal talks about the iceberg impact, and she uses the example of social media where we only see the surface of what’s going on, not what went into getting to that stage. There’s hard work behind success, there’s belief in one’s self, there’s also sleepless nights figuring out what you want, moments of doubts where you’re not sure you’ve made the right decision. But all these moments, good and bad, are part of the journey. 

The journey is as important, if not more, than the actual getting there.

90% of people make it look easy because they’ve worked hard at it, but it’s a process. At the end of the day, letting go of that fear, getting clear on what you want, and vocalizing is part of the journey. Whether or not it sounds possible to someone else doesn’t matter. If that’s what you want, then own it, put in the work and go for it. And say it out loud. 

Find Your Cheerleader [18:21]

A support system is important regardless of who it is. Sometimes, you’ll find it within your inner circle, and sometimes you won’t. But that being said, even those closest to you, be it your partner, your sibling, or your family, are not setting out to hold you back. They care for you, and perhaps don’t understand what you’re doing, and what may be perceived as negativity on their part is more about looking out for you. It’s about having a fear of getting your feelings hurt; or being devastated by rejection or failure. But failure and rejection are part of the process. It doesn’t mean everyone is going to understand that. So, find the person who does, and keep them close. It matters. 

Understand that growth is coming from the things that don’t work, and having to confront that. 

You are able to achieve what you want, but it’s a question of having someone to remind you in the moments where you forget. It could be a friend or a coach, but that support system is one of the things that’ll help you get to where you need to be. 

It’s grounding for me to know that I can truly be who I am, in all forms and shapes, and there’s not going to be judgment there. 

Make a Connection:

Crystal’s Website

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
 
Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
 
Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life?  Book A Call With Us

Marni and Chris take a deep dive into the interpersonal relationships that define the reality series, Love is Blind, to unveil what is sometimes said (or unsaid) through your partner’s actions. A person will tell you exactly who they are or what they want by how they behave with you. As the series nears its end, and the couples are the pivotal point of whether they’ll make it or break it, the duo ponder what we can learn from our reality series’ cohorts. They look at the nifty tips that we can take into our own dating lives by studying the lows and the highs, the ups and downs, and all the drama that unfolds between the couples. Part of navigating the dating world is being able to read the person in front of you and to pick up on what they’re telling you either through their actions (or lack thereof). 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - He’s a good communicator

 - Don’t dive in head first 

 - The first cut is the deepest 

 - How to be secure in your attachment style 

 - Is he consistent in how he shows up? 

 - Don’t be an option

I Met The Most Amazing Guy Syndrome [05:15]

We’ve all fallen into this trap at some point or other. We meet a guy; we’re taken with him; he seems to be everything we’d ever dreamed of; we’re all in emotionally before ever being all in, in reality. We’ve decided this person is our knight in shining armor, our prince charming. And that’s when we begin to write off everyone else, and miss out on opportunities in exchange for the idea of the person that we’ve built in our heads. We envision our whole future with them, and as a result, we end up closing ourselves to other potentially better-suited partners. 

There’s only one way you can fall when you push a guy up to this magical, mythical prince charming [pedestal]. No way is he living up to that fairytale. 

Putting someone on a pedestal and expecting them to live up to it is unfair for both you and the person. It ends with disappointment, because it’s an ideal and not the reality of the situation. It’s these unrealistic expectations of who this person could be rather than who they are. 

When comparing the couples on Love Island, Marni points out that Shaq and Tanya get together from the get-go, and a whole lot of drama ensues. Whereas Ron and Lana take their time to actually get to know each other. Granted, Ron was more vocal about still wanting to date other people while Lana wasn’t too thrilled about it. Ultimately though, they chose each other, not by looking through that rose-tinted lens of who a person could be but rather the knowledge of who the person actually is. 

Know When to Leave [08:20]

Cassie and Claudia are an example of not knowing when to leave. Claudia keeps getting her feelings hurt by Cassie in that he’s wishy-washy when it comes to choosing her. And she still ends up taking him back. 

That doesn’t necessarily mean that Cassie is the bad guy; it just means that he’s shown her who he is, what he wants, and how he operates. Chris points out that Claudia lacks confidence and that it’s in these particular situations that her insecurities seem to surface, which is understandable. It’s a situation we’re all prone to be in. 

When a partner isn’t giving you what you want, leave. If he’s treating you like an option, rather than telling him you won’t be treated as such, show him that you won’t. 

At the end of the day, no one should be a second option. 

Don’t Get Involved in the Drama, Period [17:29]

It’s tempting to want to come to your partner’s rescue, especially when it’s a friend that’s hurt them. But should you actually get involved when it’s something that’s been told to you in confidence? 

When you’re dating someone, you want to see how they show up consistently over time, and when you start to introduce someone you’re dating to your friends, then you can start to see how they interact with your friends, and your family. 

Marni and Chris discuss the example of Will and his partner, Jessie. Will tells her in confidence that one of his friends has hurt him. What she then does is confront the friend. That tactic backfires when Will calls her out for not keeping what he told her between them. 

Sometimes, the person you’re with just wants to vent; they just need a shoulder to cry on; or someone to listen to them. Your partner confiding in you about drama between his friends or family isn’t necessarily an opening for you to take action and come to their defense. Because sometimes it ends up doing more damage than good. Case in point: Will and Jessie. 

Chris clarifies that perhaps there are certain things that should remain unsaid especially considering the context where everyone is in a close space, and maybe a few drinks are involved. What ends up happening is that in the heat of the moment, your partner may react in a certain way that aggravates the situation. 

At the end of the day, Jessie had a natural reaction but she probably shouldn’t have acted on it. Just stay out of your man’s drama. 

Make a Connection:

 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
 
Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
 
Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life?  Book A Call With Us

Marni and Chris put the relationships of the contestants on reality series, Love Island, under the microscope to see how their interpersonal dynamics mimic dating IRL. Diving into questions like how to recognize a real connection, and what dating etiquette dictates, the duo ponders the meaning of love in the 21st century. Much of the way in which the contestants behave towards each other on the series is an imitation of our own actions when we’re falling for someone, or trying to suss them out. It’s about knowing when and how to let go; and whether or not the person in front of you is actually interested. Defining the context of your relationship seems relatively easy in theory, but when feelings are involved, things inevitably get a little messy. And nowhere is that more apparent than on Love Island. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - How to earn back trust

 - Have appropriate expectations 

 - Beware of the self-fulling prophecy

 - Should you forgive him?

 - Don’t shut down

 - Have the exclusivity conversation

But I Thought We Had a Connection… [02:56]

Dating is, for the most part, all about figuring out what you want and how the person in front of you is responding to those wants. Is it reciprocated? And if it is, what actually is it? A lot of us fall into the trap where we feel a connection with someone, and then realize the other person is out there dating while we’ve decided to give them all of our attention. At that point, we start second-guessing whether the connection was real. 

But at the end of the day, having the conversations that matter are what will guide you in the right direction. When you’ve not discussed being exclusive, or if it’s early on in the relationship, that’s when the lines sometimes get blurry. That’s not to say that the person in front of you is a bad person or doesn’t care. And that’s also not to say that you should invalidate your own feelings. What’s important is looking at the intention behind that person’s action; it’s figuring out why you felt hurt by a particular behavior, and get clear on what that means for you. Because it’s then that you’re able to understand the context and the nature of that relationship, and what boundaries should or shouldn’t be set. 

Instead of the rules of the game, I like to say the context of the world that dating is. It’s a culture in and of itself. 

Dating can be messy, and it has its own set of etiquette that’s different from relationship etiquette. While Cassie and Claudia had a connection on the series, they went into Casa Amor with the understanding that they would see what happens. Meanwhile Cassie flirted and kissed someone else. But does that mean their connection wasn’t real? 

While some women might feel uncomfortable going on different dates with other people when they’ve felt a connection with a person; it doesn’t necessarily mean that if the person doesn’t follow suit, that they don’t care. What’s more is that it’s important to go on dates with different people, because it’s a learning curve. It’s a chance for you to find out what it is you want (or don’t want) in your own relationship. And it is possible to have several connections with several people. But the goal is that you’re searching for the best kind. And when you limit yourself, you end up missing out on understanding what you actually need and what works best for you. 

It’s about taking the time to see those through, and figuring out which is the best connection for your actual relational needs: your intimacy, your emotions, your mind. Because not all men are going to meet all those requirements. And that’s why we have non-negotiables. 

Every Little Thing That We Do, Should be Between Me and You [12:40]

Dating according to what other people expect from you is not only exhausting for you but for your partner as well. A lot of the time, we somehow become more concerned with what the people around us think of our relationship, and how being with that certain person will reflect on us, rather than how we feel about the relationship itself. It’s that energy where you’re more interested in what your parents, your friends and your general environment think of your relationship. 

Chris emphasizes that men, for the most part, already find dating confusing, without having to bring outsiders into the mix as well. It inevitably complicates things.

We can’t solve one side of the rubik’s cube, don’t be a million-sided rubik’s cube. 

And this happens in the dating world, where you’re not just dating your partner but a whole other set of people who indirectly dictate how you’ll act and react within the confines of the relationship. You could end up missing out on something potentially great if you don’t learn to tune out all the white noise.

In The Doghouse [20:46] 

A lot of people are guilty of this behavior where they’ll get hurt and just shut down. And rather than talking to their partner, they’ll end up withholding and stone-walling the person in front of them 

It’s an easy pattern to fall into. It’s almost like they’re punishing the person for their behavior, and then waiting for them to come back with a grand gesture that proves how much they actually want them. Rather than just confronting the person.

It’s so easy. It’s important to acknowledge that’s the safe place, we go down-under, we dive out so that we’re protected, and it’s silent, it kind of clears out the noise, and it’s a temporary respite from that scariness. 

Most of the time it’s because you need clarity on the relationship. It’s more important though to be honest with yourself, and dissect what you felt when XYZ happened and why you felt it. And communicate it to the person involved. 

Will was a great example of the knight in shining armor who realized he’d hurt his partner, and wanted to make it right. On the other hand, his partner did verbalize her feelings without necessarily adding blame. However, you choose to communicate your feelings in that situation though, it’s important to resolve the issue before diving back in. 

To just feel the chemistry or that pull with someone without dealing with the core issue is why we end up getting in these ruts over and over again. 

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
 
Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
 
Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life?  Book A Call With Us

Marni welcomes Whitney Goodman, the psychotherapist behind the widely popular Instagram account Sit With Whit, to look into why toxic positivity should be dismantled and what methods should be put into place instead. Having just released her debut book, Toxic Positivity: Keeping it Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy, Whitney breaks down the psychology behind toxic positivity and society’s need to constantly be happy. The duo discusses how learning to speak to yourself or someone going through a challenging situation is one of the first steps to pulling apart this constant need to be in a good place. In allowing ourselves to feel what we feel, even when it’s negative, we begin to live authentically. A life well-lived is not one without suffering or pain, contrary to popular belief. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - What are empathy blockers?

 - Validation is key

 - Why do we always feel the need to look on the bright side?

 - Happiness isn’t a destination 

 - How to eliminate toxic positivity

 - Throw out the positive platitudes

Learn to Sit With the Discomfort [02:26]

Our go-to when we’re feeling down or when someone we love is hurting is to immediately try and fix the situation by convincing ourselves or them to look on the bright side. It’s something that’s done, almost as a reflex both internally and within our relationships. And it can be toxic.  

It’s this notion of wanting to get back to that happy place, rather than actually feel what we’re feeling. And it’s that foundational belief that drives us to immediately force ourselves to look at the positives or minimize whatever it is that’s bothering us. Enter toxic positivity.

I think that’s what drives most of the toxic positivity. It’s that ‘I want to be helpful; I want to help the other person feel better, and I want to get out of this uncomfortable space.’ We have to learn to sit with discomfort. 

Whitney iterates that for the most part, a person going through something just wants their partner, or their friend to be with them in their experience, and let them know that they’re not going anywhere. Letting the person in front of you know that you’ve got their back, and that they don’t have to go through it alone is ultimately what matters. But as a society, we need to learn to be okay with not being okay sometimes. It’s understanding that life is about living meaningfully, which comes with feelings of sadness or angst at certain points. It’s not about being happy 24/7. 

The Road to Toxic Positivity is Paved With Good Intentions [ 09:49]

While most of us revert to (toxic) positivity with good intentions, the damages are palpable. Repeating these positive platitudes that we’ve all grown accustomed to hearing and giving is not necessarily what a person going through a rough time is looking for. It’s important rather to validate the difficulty of the situation, and try to understand how that person feels. Asking how they want you to show up for them goes a long way, and that’s bearing in mind that sometimes they won’t necessarily have the answer themselves. And that’s okay, too. 

These positive statements that we’re constantly saying on loop, are not necessarily negative in and of themselves, but it’s in relation to the context and the timing in which they’re being said. Because hearing “it’ll turn out okay”, or “everything happens for a reason” when you’re going through a bout of depression, or struggling with feelings of grief, won’t make a difference when it comes to the weight you currently feel like you’re carrying on your shoulders. 

How to Show up [18:50]

When your partner or someone you love is going through a challenge, they sometimes can’t verbalize their needs at that particular moment, simply because they don’t know what they want or what would alleviate the situation. It’s something we’ve all felt at one point or another. Asking too many questions can be aggravating when you don’t even have the answer to one. So, how do you show up for them in the way you’re supposed to?

In these instances, Whitney explains that it’s important to regulate yourself and your reaction. Rather than think, ‘I’ve done this exactly the way I’m supposed to, why isn’t it working?”, remind yourself that it isn’t about you. The person in front of you is the one feeling dysregulated. 

Take a step back and understand that people are allowed to feel their feelings, and in whichever way suits them. And that applies to you, too. It’s this concept of allowing the person to be where they are in that moment. And reminding yourself that it’s got nothing to do with you. 

You taking care of you when someone is not feeling great is just as important as you not trying to silver-line it or make them feel better. Control the things you can control. 

This is especially the case in relationships, when one partner comes home and has just had a bad day, and their spouse immediately goes into “fix it” mode, then gets upset when they don’t manage to actually fix it. Sometimes, your partner is just having a bad day because they are. And we’re all allowed to have moments when we’re in a bad mood, or just not feeling the day. That’s life. 

Make a Connection:

Whitney’s Good Enough Program: https://sitwithwhit.substack.com/

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
 
Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
 
Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life?  Book A Call With Us

Marni and Chris examine the dynamics in the relationships that make up the reality series, Love Island, to get a grasp on the faux-pas when it comes to dating. Dissecting the little tricks that we all do when out in the dating world, the duo ponders questions of love, betrayal, conflict and loyalty. Much of the way in which the contestants behave on the series is mimicked in our own behavior IRL. The insecurities that rear their heads just as soon as we’ve started to get comfortable with someone or the constant worry of whether or not we should trust him, are some of the questions that keep us all up at night when falling in love. How the contestants on Love Island interact with each other is a treasure trove of lessons as to the dos and don’ts in our own dating lives. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Be aloof, but not too aloof

 - How to hit that spot between sexy and sweet 

 - Don’t compare him to your ex

 - How does he handle an issue?

 - How to deal with conflict

 - Vulnerability is never easy

Does Making Him Jealous Actually Work? [01:50]

We’ve all been there at one point or other; hurt and ready for retaliation. The go-to move for a lot of women is to make him jealous. But does that tactic actually work? Perhaps sometimes but for all the wrong reasons. It is a strategy of manipulation, jealousy and insecurity. 

When discussing the jealousy tactic, Marni brings up Cassie, whom Lana uses to make Ron jealous. But to what end? The thing is with that particular tactic, other than the obvious unethicality of using someone else as a means to an end, is that the issues that made you break-up in the first place aren’t resolved. Making him jealous won’t make him treat you better the second time around.  

However, answering the questions that made you resort to that strategy in the first place might: Why aren’t you together? Why didn’t he treat you right from the beginning? Do you really want to be with someone who only appreciates you when you’re with someone else? 

Don’t Bring Your Girls Into It [11:00]

Dragging your girlfriends or a friend into a conflict that you have with your partner is never a good idea. Not only will it seem like you’re ganging up on him but it’s also quite hurtful. 

Referring to the example of Tanya and Shaq, where Tanya calls in her friend as she confronts him, Chris clarifies that that type of behavior, albeit prone to happen, is not acceptable. What happens in this scenario is that Shaq then goes on to tell Tanya never to put him in this type of situation again. Tanya in turn takes this as a sign of Shaq restricting the way she chooses to communicate. But was Shaq actually in the wrong? 

There really is never a reason to criticize or correct your mate in front of a third party. It’s more effective to pull him aside. 

Rather than put him on blast, it makes more sense to confront him privately and not corner him. It’s just in bad taste and won’t resolve the issue. While Shaq in this situation did a good job of setting the tone, it could’ve been articulated better. He wasn’t precise about the part that actually hurt him, which was Tanya calling him out in front of other people. And it’s a common mistake, we all get into situations where we’re unable to express ourselves in the exact manner we’d like to. 

Russian Roulette But Make it Vulnerability [16:45]

Being vulnerable is scary; it’s hard; and it’s stressful. You’re required to put your insecurities out there and hope that the person in front of you is able to hold them, or at the very least, not run for the hills. And actually, crossing that line where we end up putting ourselves out there, while liberating, can sometimes make us act out of character. 

Marni mentions Will and Jessie’s relationship in that it was going smoothly, but then once they made it to Casa Amor, it seemed like Will was leaning towards exploring his options. These were two people who shared their vulnerabilities with each other. And yet…

We get into a relationship and we’re afraid of getting hurt. We’re afraid of overextending. We’re sharing our vulnerability. 

We’re all imperfect human beings carrying a load of insecurities and fears. And the more we let someone in, the easier it is to panic. Questions like have they deleted their dating apps? Do I love them more than they love me? start infiltrating our psyche. 

I always want people to look at the energy he’s sort of bringing and meet their energy. 

Whether he’s the serious type or not, believe his actions, believe his energy. And once you’ve figured that out, check in with yourself and from there decide what you should do. 

I think that if someone likes you more than you like them, you want to check in with yourself and really figure out what’s either in the way or what you need to do to get on the same page. 

Make a Connection:

 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
 
Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
 
Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life?  Book A Call With Us

Marni welcomes Dr. Shawn Haywood, founder and owner of Reimagine Love, in the Life Check Yourself studio, to discuss how to reignite the spark, and adopt a conflict-free relationship. Dr. Shawn, who’s worked in the field for over 23 years, delves into the tools and tips for learning to reverse-engineer your relationship and get back to that happy place. In this episode, the duo talks about what it takes to make a relationship work and how we, sometimes, self-sabotage by constantly repeating the same patterns on an individual level. This behavior inevitably seeps into our romantic life. By setting up certain systems with your partner, to undo what years of unconscious habit-building have brought on, couples can find that fight-free space together. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - How to break bad habits 

 - Create your own unique system

 - Start a problem list 

 - How to reconnect when you’re disconnecting 

 - Let go of blame 

 - Don’t manage conflict, outgrow it 

Lay Down Your Emotional Weapons [03:32]

It’s not about managing the conflict; it’s about outgrowing it both on an individual level and as a couple. Outgrowing it doesn’t mean ignoring it, or overwriting it, or even putting it in your hidden little black box. It requires you to actually identify and grow out of it. By putting your weapons, in this case emotional weapons, aside, you begin to grow within the relationship. 

Dr.Shawn clarifies that 80% of the work she does with couples begins with the person themselves. Identifying your emotional weapons, and what triggers them, and then putting them down, opens up room for you to not only to communicate better, but to pick up other skills you otherwise wouldn’t have. 

Sharing a personal anecdote, the doctor talks about an incident when her partner had done the dishes but hadn’t cleaned out the sink. Instead of thanking him for the dishes, she shamed him, and the fight went on to spiral into an argument about other issues. In this scenario, her emotional weapon was shame – one we’ve all been guilty of doling out at one point or another. Learning to put that down meant that she grew to become more appreciative and grateful for the things that were actually there. In outgrowing the conflict, you’re also growing on an internal level. 

These things are patterns, and if we don’t repair them or revise how we hold these conflicts, we’ll just keep repeating them. And it’s repetition that causes the problems. 

With relationships, it’s just as important to look inwards as it is to look outwards. Identifying and getting out of your own patterns allows you to shift your outlook. Every fight has blame, and letting go of that blame is a good starting point. Take accountability and realize it’s not about blame but rather about resolution. 

Stop Trying Harder [ 11:01]

Yup, this isn’t a typo. Stop.Trying.Harder. Practice makes perfect is a sentence that has been repeated to us over and over again. We were constantly told that in order to achieve something, we need to keep trying harder, and harder, and harder. 

But does that always work? And does practice actually make perfect? Or rather does it allow us to make certain traits or mistakes more permanent? 

The concept of practice makes permanent, as per Dr.Shawn, stems from the belief that repeating the same thing over and over again, even when it’s a mistake, makes it stick; makes it permanent. It’s almost like we’ve mastered that mistake or that character trait. And that’s part of the reason, we find it so hard to break out of habits. 

From a neurological perspective, anger elicits the release of a number of chemicals, like dopamine, serotonin and adrenaline. Our bodies then crave that release constantly. Unless we learn how to manage these chemicals and unwire them from these negative emotions or behaviors, we start forming a pattern in chase of that “feeling.” 

Our brain is designed for sameness, because [staying the same] uses the least amount of energy.

Women in society, especially perfectionists and high-achieving women, have been socialized into believing that the solution is to constantly try harder at the same thing. However, that tactic is in some cases counterproductive and holds us back. Being intentional in the habits we want to keep requires intentionality and repetition; it requires setting up systems that help us achieve that goal whether that’s to add permanence to a certain trait or decrease permanence to another one. 

[With a system], we have something that we can count on so that our body, mind and spirit can get out of this trap, this pattern that we stay in. 

Catching More Flies With Honey, Not Vinegar [18:27]

Sometimes it’s the medium not the message. That’s to say the way with which you present an idea or concept goes a long way. When setting up systems as a couple, it’s important for both involved to be on the same wavelength in terms of the effort being put in. When one person is intentionally growing, while the other isn’t doing the work, the process starts stagnating and even veering towards a trouble zone. But who can you convince your partner?

Men respond to logic. If what’s being told to them makes sense, and is framed as more of an invitation rather than a demand, they’re more likely to be on board. 

There has to be an opportunity that is more about an invitation to join the party, whatever the party is. Doing it in a way that’s inviting and loving is all about radical self-responsibility. 

Radical self-responsibility is the notion of taking accountability in how you choose to experience your life, and that extends to how you choose to approach your partner as well. 

Make a Connection:

Shawn’s Website

Shawn’s Living For Love book

Find Shawn on IG: @DrShawnHaywood

 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
 
Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
 
Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life?  Book A Call With Us

Marni and Chris look at the relationships and friendships that define the reality series, Love is Blind, to better understand our own behavior on the dating scene.  The contestants on the series are archetypes of dating that we are prone to meet when out in the world on our quest to find love. What are the tell-tale signs of the man who’ll break your heart? Is the mysterious type so attractive? And how can you pick up on the warning signs before walking into yet another train wreck? The duo ponders over the do’s and don’ts of coupling up, and what the traits we should be looking out for by taking a deep-dive into the contestants most obnoxious and most loveable characteristics. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - He’s not straightforward

 - How to tell if he’s an F-boy 

 - Does he act the same with everyone else?

 - Don’t dismiss the goofball

 - What are Boomerang boys?

 - How to tell if he’s actually a good listener 

Are You Actually Seen or Is He Just That Good? [06:50]

We’ve all been duped by an F-boy. We know the type: when you’re with him, it almost seems like you’re the only one he has eyes for; his attention is undivided; and he knows just what to say and how to look at you. Enter Love is Blind contestant, Tom. 

Tom says all the right things (on a superficial level) and looks at you in a way that makes your heart melt. He has a knack for making all the women on the series feel valued, at first glance. But is he actually giving anything of himself?

Chris argues that Tom never actually reveals anything of himself, going so far as to say that he’s actually the opposite of what the women perceive him to be. He’s the archetype of the man who knows how to make you feel seen and heard, without ever actually seeing or hearing you. What he’s said to you is most likely what he’s saying to other women in his life. 

He says so little, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a great listener. And, if he talks so little, it doesn’t mean that he’s the strong silent type. It could mean that he’s giving so little because he’s afraid to be seen. Because if you find out who he really is, you won’t like him. 

Tom keeps reeling you in without ever really giving you anything of substance. Sound familiar? Then you’ve probably been with a Tom. When he makes you feel like you’re his favorite and yet it seems like everyone else around is his favorite, too, it’s time to cut him loose. Or don’t, that’s up to you. The point is, it’s an archetype we’ve run into over and over again on our dating adventures, and maybe it’s time to switch it up, and go for the nice guy. 

He wants to be the most popular boy in the room. 

What Kind of A Friend Is He? [20:55]

From the get-go, Will comes off as a goofball on the series, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But at first encounter, the goofy type tends to be a turn-off, or written off. However, as the series progresses, it turns out that the goofy types are sometimes also the stand-up guys. But how can you tell? 

Hint: look at how he treats his friends. 

Marni points out that Will is not only a good friend to the women on the show, but to his guy friends as well. He’s not someone who plays games. He’s loyal, upfront and available. Looking at someone’s behavior with the people in their environment is a good indicator of their character. Chances are if he treats the people around him with respect and value, he’ll extend that same behavior to you. 

Not only do the bros like him, but all the people do. And it’s not because he’s supplicating, but he’s there for people, and he’s genuine, and he’s honest. 

The contestants on the show may not all want to date Will, but they trust him and they open up to him because he’s genuine and honest. So, keep your eyes peeled for the ones who treat people well even if they don’t have all the traits that make them the “It” boys. But traits like honesty, and loyalty are the ones that get you to the finish line when it really counts. 

The One Who Keep His Options Open [26:25]

What are the boomerang boys? Well, they’re the ones who have one foot in the door and one out. They’re unclear. Instead of walking away, they come back, snog you some more, and then head back out again, as put by Marni, and coined by Chris. 

When discussing the concept, Marni points out that while some women may put their foot down, a vast majority will give that type of man space in the hopes that he will make up his mind. But what makes these men so irresistible? 

That archetype is best exemplified in Kai and Ron. Ron, who is blind in one eye, seems to emanate confidence and ease wherever he goes. Taking something that may seem like an imperfection, he almost turns it into a strength and he does so, charismatically. It’s something in the way that he carries himself. However, that doesn’t change that, that perceived comfortability could actually be a form of cockiness where he expects that he’ll always have options. And in turn, he’s unbothered with making up his mind over who to choose.

Marni adds that he’s someone who doesn’t divulge his feelings or open up, even though he likes Lana. He’ll tell her that he’s making her a priority or speak about the spark they have between them, but hasn’t come out and said how he actually feels about her. 

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
 
Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
 
Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life?  Book A Call With Us

Marni welcomes Matthew Coast, author and dating expert, to ponder what makes men tick, and how you can attract the right men without compromising on your value system. Matthew has worked with both men and women to guide them on their dating journey. With a podcast that reaches millions of listeners, Mathew helps women shift their mindset to attract a high-quality man and high-value relationship. In this episode, the pair talk about what it means to know your value, and how to convey that. How your partner reacts to you is an indicator of his character, and his character is a good sign as to how this relationship will grow (or not grow). So, what is it that resonates with men? And how can you assert your value? 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - It’s about your mindset

 - Be Direct

 - How to be valued by your partner

 - What drives him wild?

 - Don’t obsess over your checklist 

 - His character is a good indicator

Your Clothes Don’t Need to be Gucci, as Long as Your Mindset is [02:15]

It all begins with the mindset. It’s not about what’s happening on the outside, but about what’s happening on the inside. Matthew speaks of the law of belief transference, which essentially stipulates that the person with the strongest belief will most likely transfer it to the people around them. That is, if you want to be respected and valued by a man, then you need to truly respect and value yourself. 

The problem is if you don’t actually value yourself. So, what you want to think about is, ‘Do I value my own voice? Do I think what I have to say is important?

Once you shift your mindset to one that gives importance to how you value yourself, that feeling is mimicked in your external behavior. Being aware of how you value your time and your entire being, will push you to have the conversations that matter. Don’t shy away from confronting him if it’s about something that’s important to you. 

Ultimately how he reacts once you voice your grievances is indicative of his character. And his character is a good sign of whether or not this will blossom into the relationship you want. If he’s someone who cares, he’ll listen and accommodate your feelings. If not, then….

Break Out From the Crowd [07:47]

Chances are if you’re in the early stages of dating, he’s been on a few other dates and had a few painful experiences. Some dates honestly feel more like interviews than what they’re actually meant to be, a fun night out where you get to connect with another human being. 

Matthew explains that a lot of women come to him and they’re in a different emotional state. That is, one which is relatively extreme, where rather than go out on a date and enjoy it, they’ll interrogate their date to get an idea if this person matches their checklist. Going into something with a fun and exciting attitude with an intent to connect and see where it goes, is what will make you stand out from all his other dates. And that’s not to say that you shouldn’t be yourself but yourself is that fun, excited woman who is as happy to be on that date as he is. 

Be the person you want to attract. 

Voice Your Permission [11:20]

A lot of us struggle with the right way to approach a man, and whether or not we’re meant to give him straight-up permission rather than those little hints we’ve been throwing for the past month. Well, they’re as confused as we are. 

Women are really good at giving hints, and guys are really bad at receiving them. 

In the current climate, men aren’t always quite sure what line they’re allowed to cross and which ones they aren’t. It’s a mixture of confusion, frustration and fear in terms of what they can and can’t do. And it’s based on your permission. If you haven’t given it explicitly, sometimes things get lost in translation. That’s not to say that you need to make the first move, if you don’t want to. But extending an invitation and letting him then take the reins, clears up a lot of misconceptions and avoids time wasted. Being direct is empowering.

A lot of times, women will shut off when the person in front of them hasn’t gotten the hint. And what tends to happen as humans, according to Matthew, is that we jump to extremes because it’s easier to do so, rather than explore the middle. These extremes are where most of the problems happen, though.  

The magic is almost always in the middle. 

Make a Connection:

Work with Matthew Coast

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
 
Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
 
Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life?  Book A Call With Us

Marni welcomes Bobbi Palmer in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they delve into the journey (read: trek) that is relationships, and love. The duo look at the little self-sabotaging traps we all find ourselves in and what we can learn from them. Bobbi is the founder of Date Like a Grownup. She’s a mentor and dating coach, who’s been helping women understand themselves and their dating patterns for the past 15 years. She was a first-time bride at 47 who found her happy-ever-after at an unconventional age. In this episode, Marni and Bobbi discuss how women create patterns that they keep returning to over and over again. These detrimental patterns then turn into the cycles that go on to define their relationship behavior and their general outlook on love. Bobbi encourages women to look inwards even when the fear of rejection and failure stares back at you.  

Takeaways from this episode:

 - How to break the cycle

 - It takes courage 

 - Visualize what you want, it’s out there

 - Tip the balance 

 - Why do you have trust issues?

 - Look inwards to break the patterns 

It’s Not You, It’s Your Pattern [03:50]

Bobbi explains that most of us create patterns, perhaps without even realizing it. As we continuously repeat them, even though they’re yielding negative results, we end up feeling hopeless and shift the blame onto ourselves when things don’t work out the way we envisioned them. This notion of “there’s something wrong with me” is the story we’ve told ourselves because we’ve been unable to break free of our patterns. And as we get older, we get stuck in the destructive cycle. You are the one creating these patterns, and they, in turn, are creating your results. 

Understanding them and looking inwards is the first step, and it takes fearlessness to be conscious of the thought process or behavior holding you back when it comes to dating. But it does start with you. 

Finding your partner as you go through life becomes more about courage rather than how many men there are in your age range, or whether or not you’re still in shape or what app you use.  

Are You Afraid of … (Fill in the Blank) [06:10] 

A lot of the time, we prefer not even trying rather than attempting and failing. It’s a trap that many of us fall into where we hold on to the mantra of all men suck, or I want to be single. Because if it’s a choice we’re making, rather than an imposition, it somehow makes it okay. 

This is a form of self-protection born of a fear of rejection, failure and perhaps repeating the same mistakes again. We’ve all been through an iteration of this. Bobbi elaborates on how we should look at it, where it’s almost like a balance between all the fear that’s holding us back set up against the vision we have of what a loving relationship looks like. And for a lot of us, we have trouble with the second part of the balance, because we’ve never been in such a relationship and envisioning it is difficult. 

There’s nothing wrong with you, there’s just some things you don’t yet know.

Once the balance tips more towards the other side, the dream of what a relationship looks like for you, that’s when it’s time to take action, bearing in mind that it’s not always going to be 100% in par with your vision. And that’s okay, too. 

Make a Connection:

Bobbi’s Website

Bobbi’s Book

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
 
Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
 
Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life?  Book A Call With Us

Marni welcomes world renowned author and life relationship coach, Bryan Reeves, in the Life Check Yourself studio, to discuss the dynamics in a relationship. The author of the recently released book, Choose Her Every Day (or Leave Her), Bryan delves into the semantics of how men perceive things versus how women perceive them. In this episode, the pair talk about what connection actually means, and how it is defined in relation to a person’s experiences throughout life. Men and women aren’t wired the same, but that doesn’t mean that men don’t desire intimacy just as much as women do, they just go about it differently. Marni and Bryan look into the misconceptions and stereotypes that have given men a bad rep; and how women have interacted with these preconceived notions ingrained in us by society. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Is he an F-boy or actually profoundly sensitive?

 - Men perceive connection differently than women

 - How to communicate your needs

 - A relationship of invitation vs a relationship of obligation

 - How to meet in the middle

 - He wants intimacy too

Women Are From Venus, Men Are From… [01:37]

There’s a far-reaching misconception, when it comes to dating, that men don’t want intimacy. Society has continually fed into that narrative that men don’t care about forming a connection with their partner, and that intimacy isn’t their thing. But is that actually the case?

Men and women are wired differently. But at the end of the day, we’re all human beings, and we all crave the same basic things. We just perceive it in different forms. Bryan explains that contrary to popular belief, men are actually profoundly sensitive. But due to years of programming instilling in them the notion that insecurities or feelings are a weakness, it’s become a habit they’ve taken into adulthood. 

We do come at things very differently. Men [do] want connection, too. That’s a fact. 

That’s not to say that some men aren’t F-boys. But every human being has insecurities; has a need to belong; and a need to be understood. Men are not exempt from wanting connection. They just have a different picture of what that looks like.

If the house isn’t on fire, you’re doing something right [05:17]

Bryan elaborates that a majority of men view connection in a larger spectrum. If everything is running smoothly, the bills are paid, and the house isn’t on fire, then all’s good, and you’re good. Whereas for a majority of women, connection means something entirely different. 

Quoting Terry Real, the successful podcast host breaks it down in laymen terms. He explains that for some, mainly men, connection is experienced shoulder to shoulder, which means that it’s you and your partner experiencing the world together side by side. Rather than, nose to nose, which is more internal. Whereas one gender views connection as doing activities together and facing the external together; the other views it as experiencing each other and connecting on a face to face, or soul to soul level. The latter being more intimate. But the way we translate intimacy is intertwined to how we’ve experienced it growing up, within our own lives. 

A lot of us grew up in homes where intimacy wasn’t practiced in that way. For a lot of people, that was even unsafe to be nose to nose, or face to face, because that meant I could get crushed. 

For many men, as long as everything is functional, then everything is good regardless of what’s actually going on in the relationship. 

However we practice intimacy, balance is a key component. While it is pivotal for a relationship to include both types of connection, space and knowing when to give it and when to receive it is important. That’s where balance comes into play. 

We get into relationships with the fantasy that ‘I’m going to get my needs met, and my desires met just as I want them to be.’  And even then, when we do get them met, there’s a part of us that has a visceral repulsion because actually that’s not balanced. It’s just me getting a fantasy of something that’s unsustainable. 

How to Make Him Understand You [ 09:52]

There’s a distinction that Bryan makes which is invitation versus obligation. If you’re coming from a relationship as invitation, then that might fare better for you. 

We’re adults, it’s human nature to want autonomy over our wants and our desires. No one wants to feel obligated. So, coming to your partner from a space that makes him feel obligated isn’t always the right way to take up your complaints. Whereas when it’s framed as an invitation, it’s indirectly telling your partner that this is where you’d like for them to meet you, and it’s up to them to choose. It restores their sense of freedom. 

I think a relationship done well is an endless invitation; it’s an endless series of invitation. 

To get to that balance and that level within a relationship takes years, and doesn’t happen overnight. But understanding the foundation of what connection means to each person is indispensable. 

A Relationship done well is a paradox. It is an obligation that I am freely choosing to step into. 

Make a Connection:

Bryan’s Website

Bryan’s Book

 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
 
Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
 
Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life?  Book A Call With Us

Marni, Chris and Dr.Emily use reality tv show, Love is Blind, as a blueprint for the behaviors and habits that should have you running for the hills. The contestants’ actions and reactions echo much of the dos and don’ts that we fall into when dating IRL. The trio ponder the signs that could be used as a warning hazard when it comes to jumping into the dating pool. They take a deep dive into the interpersonal interactions that are part and parcel of the reality show and much of the time, our own lives. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Collect your own data before making a snap judgment

 - Forgiveness is important

 - No one’s agreeable round the clock

 - His transparency is a good sign

 - Does he avoid conflict at all costs?

 - Love takes work

Should You Listen to His Friends? [12:18]

When his friends tell you he’s flaky, should you believe them? Or maybe they’ve convinced you that he’s selfish, should that be a warning sign for you to run for the hills? 

It’s natural for your instinctive reaction to lean towards believing them. After all, they are his friends. And in some cases, they might be right. But context is everything. Your experience with him should count for something. Collecting data on the person from your own firsthand experience, in the grand scheme of things, should carry more weight than what someone says or doesn’t say about your partner. If what they’re saying rings true, then that to a certain extent, has been your experience with him. It also depends on what it is that’s being said.  

Marni brings up Matt and Coleen as an example of this. Matt’s character is somewhat aggressive, and he projects onto the person he’s dating. And his friends seem to corroborate that by adding that he has big emotions, which is not completely inaccurate in this particular case. 

Mark was also completely unforgiving towards Coleen in certain instances, in that he didn’t have the ability to hear her out before choosing to react. So, maybe his friends weren’t completely off-base. And that’s what Coleen’s experience with him brought to light. 

That being said, ultimately, regardless of whether or not you choose to believe his friends, trust what he’s showing you, and do your own digging before dismissing. 

Transparency is Key [20:30]

A common mistake couples make IRL is lack of transparency. A lot of times, people aren’t transparent with their emotions, or their feelings towards certain behaviors coming from their partner. With SK and Raven, he never addressed any of the issues he had within the relationship, even when some of her demands seemed outrageous. SK didn’t even make an effort to discuss them. 

And that’s not dissimilar to what happens on the dating scene. Chris adds that it’s borderline selfish. Because when your partner doesn’t speak up in an effort to avoid conflict at all cost; they end up hurting you anyway in most cases. For any relationship to work, you need to be honest with each other, even when your lack of transparency is in an effort to protect your partner. Trust that they can handle the truth, and that you can sort it out together, rather than going off and making decisions on your own, on both your behalf. And not being honest about them. 

You think you’re protecting somebody but you’re actually setting them up for a really devastating experience. That’s not kind; that’s not helping your partner; that’s not being supportive. 

Sometimes he’s not a jerk; he’s just oblivious [25:35]

Marni points to a scene on Love is Blind that is a perfect example of taking things out of context, where Cole’s words are misconstrued by Zanab, and he’s accused of commenting negatively on her weight. The scene leaves viewers wondering if Cole was in fact body-shaming Zanab. Upon getting the full picture, it’s apparent that Zanab was projecting her own insecurities onto him. Zanab’s insecurities run so deep that she almost sees the world through that lens.

She’s filtering the entire world in such a way that she’s only hearing what is kind of resounding with her own fears.  

That being said, Cole has also proven over and over again throughout the season that he's oblivious, not just in terms of Zanab’s relationship with food and her own body but in general. 

In this particular situation, Dr.Emily clarifies that she feels for both of them. On the one hand, Cole is completely unaware of how deep his partner’s issues run, and on the other hand, Zanab is so completely drowned by her own insecurities that she may not even realize she’s projecting. Both these behaviors can, and do happen with all of us. 

It’s important to note the difference between when we’re self-projecting and when the person has actually done something to offend us. And this confusion usually happens when we’re not self-aware. 

Make a Connection:

3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
 
Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
 
Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life?  Book A Call With Us

Marni welcomes Sarah Baldwin, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Trauma Coach in the Life Check Yourself studio, to inspect the system that controls all of our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Sarah was trained at the Polyvagal Institute, and has worked with different modalities including attachment and nervous system regulation. In this episode, the pair look at the driver, or rather the soldier behind our anxieties; our stress; our fear; our rage; as well as our feelings of joy, creativity, wonder, intimacy and peace. Sarah breaks down the role our nervous system plays in the wide spectrum of human emotion. It is a system that plays a pivotal role in the regulation of our sensations, our thoughts and our relationship with ourselves and the world. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - How to change your behavior 

 - What’s the autonomic nervous system got to do with it?

 - Shutting down is your body’s way of protecting you

 - Where does it all begin? 

 - Your past informs your present behavior

 - Why doesn’t your nervous system understand you?

It’s not You, it’s Your Autonomic Nervous System [03:00]

The foundation of everything that happens within us is a system that lives inside each one of us. It’s the autonomic nervous system. Whether we feel happy, sad, anxious, stressed or excited, it can all be traced back to the nervous system.  

It’s the system that is responsible for how we feel, the sensations in our body, our behaviors, our thoughts, and the way with which we perceive ourself and the world around us. Everything is decided upon by what’s happening in that system. 

But how does it work? Sarah explains that everybody has a database of information that has been acquired throughout the years. This storage unit has a collection of the good, the bad, the dangerous and the inter-generational experiences in your life. And our autonomic nervous system has a threat detector, that basically sifts through the data to analyze the level of danger in any situation unfolding in the present. It is doing this constantly and consistently. Whether you’re at the supermarket, at the beach, or at a friend’s house, your threat detector is looking at the receptacle of past information to gauge potential threat in any given situation. It’s your threat detector that decides, based on past experiences, whether you are safe, or in danger in the moment. If it decides you’re safe, then that’s what is termed as a state of regulation. 

Understanding your nervous system and how it works, is the first step in your healing journey. 

Your Nervous System is Stuck in the Past [ 06:22]

Where does chronic anxiety come from? Or stress? These states of panic manifest when your nervous system takes a deep dive into your past experiences to assess the current situation. When your threat detector finds the current event to be unsafe, the nervous system goes into protection mode, which results in three states. It is at that moment where we experience rage, panic, racing thoughts, anxiety and so on. 

The reason we become dysregulated when we’re actually in safety is because our system doesn’t know the past is over. 

From past traumas, Sarah adds, our system ends up experiencing a form of chronic anxiety even though we’re actually safe. That’s how you end up dysregulated. This extends to your relationships with the people around you, and how you attach yourself to them. Your nervous system dictates much of your interactions in a relationship. But it’s not enough to just acknowledge this information. After acknowledgment comes action. 

We’ve got this vehicle inside of us, we have to learn about the vehicle, and then we need to get in the driver’s seat. 

When our nervous system tells us we’re unsafe, we become dysregulated. Learning how to address our nervous system is the first step to learning how to self-regulate. 

Nervous systems read each other, so a calm nervous system calms another nervous system down. 

Your Nervous System is Not Out to Get you [18:27]

Our body is constantly trying to protect us. This extends to our nervous system. It’s not trying to cause us harm, it’s not dysfunctional and it’s not confused. 

If you find yourself dysregulated, or if you’ve got relationship dynamics that are problematic for you – which causes you to become dysregulated – your nervous system is basically saying ‘you’re not safe right now’, based on past informational data. 

Your nervous system is always working towards trying to avoid pain and suffering. When it has identified that a particular situation or trigger, as per its collection of past experiences, has caused you harm before, it signals danger. It’s constantly working towards identifying all the possibilities of how a past trauma might occur again and as such overwhelm or hurt you. That’s its job.  

That does not mean that you’re broken, nor does it mean that your system isn’t working right. It actually means the opposite. 

Make a Connection:

 - Sarah Baldwin’s Website

 - Sarah Baldwin’s Quiz

 - Sarah Baldwin’s Free Workbook

 - Visit Our Website

 - Subscribe to our Youtube Channel

 - Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

 - Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

 - Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

Marni welcomes mindfulness and soulfulness coach, and podcast host of On This Walk, Luke Iorio, and they delve into what it takes to lead a purposeful life. The former CEO and president of the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC) shares his own personal journey with finding his way back to himself, and as a result to leading a life of inner balance and connection. Having helped thousands of clients and listeners in their quest for meaning, Luke divulges the tools to help you reconnect with your true self. It’s about awareness, rather than blame; courage rather than shame; and owning your role within your own life. 

Takeaways from this episode:

- What are the questions you should be asking yourself?

- How you can live life on your own terms

- Change is fluid

- The universe is constantly conspiring to make you whole

- Awareness is the first step

- How to own your role in the situation

It’s Not About Making Lemonade Out of Those Lemons [08:47]

When you bear in mind that whatever rough spot you’re in, is either your transformation moment, or it’s preparing you for a transformation, your perspective starts to shift. And this isn’t about positivity for the sake of positivity. Luke shares the insights he’s gained from his own journey, and years of experience in the field by explaining that the universe is always conspiring to return you to wholeness through the experiences it hands you.  

It’s through these traumas, negative experiences and losses, that we begin to understand what is within us. That’s how you begin to decipher what the universe is trying to tell you.

These are hardships are what lead us to the questions that matter: what are the parts of you that you feel like you’ve disowned? what are the corners of you that you feel have shut-down? And that’s not to shift blame, but rather to acknowledge that there is a reason, you closed off certain areas of yourself; there’s a reason for everything you’ve done. The journey begins when you start finding out why. 

At any given moment, the experience I’m having is returning me to wholeness. 

Life isn’t trying to beat you down; it’s trying to lead you back to yourself. All you have to do is listen. And to do that takes faith and humility. 

We get fragmented through all these different little experiences, we leave little pieces of ourselves in our histories, in our traumas, in our hurts and pains. And life is always trying to return them to us.

Step Out of the Moment and Look at the Whole Picture [13:42]

You’re not broken; you’re whole. That’s something we often forget to remind ourselves of. But being aware of your role in any given situation isn’t about putting yourself down, it’s about understanding where that decision came from. 

When we look at a situation unfolding before us, we assume that it’s happening in the present, explains Luke. But, that’s actually not the case, it is the culmination of all the perceptions, beliefs, attitudes, patterns and conditioning that we’ve absorbed and built over the past decade or so. Ultimately the recurring conflicts that appear consistently as we interact with the world are a result of our histories. Exploring that is what informs our decisions. That’s where awareness comes into play. 

When we recognize our role in a certain situation, the whole picture begins to get a little clearer. 

What you’re doing is opening that window of taking responsibility where you can start taking responsibility and begin changing the way you’re relating to your participation in whatever is going on. 

Life Moves in Cycle [23:00]

It’s not news; life is in a state of perpetual change. And yet, we tend to forget the fluidity that is the very nature of life. Everything in life goes through cycles. Luke elaborates that the reason for discomfort and unhappiness is that very often we hold on to the things that are trying to be let go of. 

Change doesn’t work that way, it’s meant to be more fluid. It’s not meant to be controlled. 

Being aware of that means being able to ebb and flow rather than attempt to change the very nature of life. Because resisting ends up creating rigidity. Whereas leaning into it, and understanding that universal truth eventually leads to a deeper change within you. 

Make a Connection:

 - Luke's Website

 - Luke's Facebook Group

 - Luke's Free Alignment Workbook

 - Visit Our Website

 - Subscribe to our Youtube Channel

 - Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

 - Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

 - Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

Marni, Chris and Dr.Emily, get into the sticky business that is money, especially when it comes to couples. They point out the issues that surface (or don’t for some) with the couples on reality TV show, Love is Blind, and ponder what we can learn from them. The situations that arise on the show mimic much of what goes on with us in our own personal lives, and we’re forced to take a hard look at our own values surrounding money. When is it the right time to start talking about it? Is a prenup a no-no? Is there a deeper meaning to be gleaned from asking for one? We all wonder about how to broach the topic once things start taking a turn for the serious, but it remains a sensitive subject where we’re required to tread carefully. 

Takeaways from this episode:

- When to set a financial plan with your partner

- Disagreeing isn’t the same thing as gaslighting 

- What’s the code of conduct when it comes to talking money?

- Leave Open-casting in 2022

- Instagram isn’t a good indicator of who a person is

- Financial infidelity is a thing

Does a Prenup Undermine the Commitment? [08:03]

On Love is Blind, Marni draws our attention to two couples, Nancy and Bartiste, and Brenon and Alexa. Now with the first couple, Nancy is older and more well-established. When discussing money, she speaks of sharing their assets, and Bartiste’s reaction is almost like that of the cartoon character whose eyes morph in dollar signs at the mention of money. A little worrying, but okay. 

With the second couple, Alexa mentions a prenup, and Brenon is open to the idea. But whether you relate more to the first couple (Bartiste’s reaction was a bit of a red flag, though) or the second couple, when it comes to relationships, a financial plan needs to be set in place. At the very least, you need to be in alignment where your values are concerned. 

It’s about looking at your non-negotiables and the core values you have surrounding money, and then discussing them with your partner. When it comes to prenups, there’s no right or wrong route to take. It depends on what you feel more comfortable with. And let’s break the taboo around prenups. 

Having a prenup isn’t saying that the marriage won’t work. It’s more about talking openly in terms of how you’d like the income and the assets to be split, in a way that makes everyone comfortable. Because that’s what’ll save you from arguments around finances in the future. 

Is He Cheating Financially? [13:26]

Hiding your wealth, or not being transparent in terms of your assets when in a relationship is financial infidelity. It’s a form of deceit where you’ve kept a secret in the form of a hidden account, or a credit card, let’s say. If you’re going to share your life with someone; you’re going to have to have these conversations regardless of how uncomfortable they are. And be transparent about them. 

You have to be courageous about it. 

Let’s face it, talking about money isn’t always pleasant but if this is the person you choose for yourself, then it’s probably a good idea to get insight on their relationship with money. How did they grow up around money? What were their beliefs in relation to that? How did their parents handle the finances? Because all of this comes back as the relationship progresses.

The you that’s afraid today is going to be different than the you in 10, 20, or 30 years.

Marni shares her own personal experience with forming a financial plan with her partner. And she elaborates that while they’d already set up a plan when they’d first started out, fast-forward to 30 years later, where they’ve built a whole life together, and it’s time to revisit that plan. Your initial plan doesn’t have to be set in stone. It changes as your relationship evolves, much like everything else. 

When Gender Roles Come into Play [20:35]

Gender roles are constantly morphing with women gaining more independence financially, and a prominent presence within the working force. So, inevitably that plays a role in the dynamics. How you navigate that, however, is between you and your partner. But it needs to be discussed. 

Marni points to Raven who almost seems to expect SK to pay for everything. Even though she hammers on about being an independent woman, she expects SK, who’ll be doing grad school in Berkley, to pay for both her apartment in Texas and his apartment in Berkley. She doesn’t want to move in with him, but at the same time, she seems to be saying that once they’re engaged, he’ll have to pay for everything for her. The host and guests agree that her behavior is extreme. You can’t really have your cake and eat it. Well, unless you’ve discussed it with your partner and he’s okay with it but it’s still a red flag. So…maybe don’t do that. 

In any case though, it is important to acknowledge that your financial plan will evolve as your relationship does. And there’s no one-size fits all because every couple, family, and relationship is different, but you get to choose what works for you, even if it means bringing in a professional to help you sort it out. 

These conversations evolve as dating progresses. So, we’re talking about communication, negotiation and compromise.

Make a Connection:

 - Visit Our Website

 - Subscribe to our Youtube Channel

 - Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

 - Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

 - Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

Marni and Chris take a look at the interactions between the contestants on reality show, Love is Blind, to decipher the ranking code men have for women. Should it be abolished? What even is it based on? And why do we allow men to rank us to begin with? As they navigate through the show’s hottest drama, the duo discusses whether there is such a thing as too much honesty; why men do the things they do; and how women should respond to certain behavior. They ponder whether women are indeed from Venus, and men from Mars. Spoiler alert: they are, respectively. 

Takeaways from this episode:

• Down with the ranking system
• How much honesty is too much honesty?
• How to optimize what you have 
• The medium is the message
• Should you give stock to his intentions?
• What’s the open-casting approach?

The Open-casting Approach Should be a Lifestyle, Not a Trend [01:52]

First things first. The title, open-casting should be abolished, but the approach itself stays. So, what is the open-casting approach? It’s what Life Check Yourself podcaster Marni, and her many guests, have been preaching for over a decade now. And apparently, it’s recently become a trend on the dating scene. 

The approach entails dating with an open mind, rather than only dating according to your type. In keeping an open mind, and an open heart, while sticking to your core values, you cast a wider net. By doing that, you won’t miss out on meeting incredible people that might otherwise fly under your radar, if you’re too rigid with your criteria. 

It shouldn’t be a trend for 2023, I think that’s how you should be living your life; to be open, curious and optimistic. 

Open-casting should be a way of life when it comes to falling in love. Because when you start adding too many filters in terms of what you want in a person, inevitably your dating pool shrinks. And you could be missing out on great opportunities, regardless of their final outcome. 

Is He Too Honest? [04:45]

Bartiste and Cole are two men that are super honest on the show. But sometimes too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. So, how do we know where the balance lies and where the line is? 

It’s all about intention. Chris explains that a lot of the time, men don’t intend the comment to come off offensively. And that’s why it’s important to look at the intention behind the comment your partner is making. He goes on to note that a lot of men by nature are competitive, so when they’re compared to someone else, or given a certain criticism, it actually motivates them to do better. In turn, that’s the tactic they’ll use when trying to nudge their partner in the right direction. However, with women, that approach doesn’t necessarily work. So, how do we meet in the middle? It’s more about how you say something as opposed to what you’re actually saying. And of course, whether you’re saying it to put the person down, or to lift them up. 

The unavoidable truth is men and women are different in a lot of ways, which is what makes our interactions together that more interesting. Even when it comes to compliments, women don’t go about it the same way men do. Women are good with the subtle things, adds Chris. Men? Not so much. 

We’re so incredibly direct and blunt. And it’s just tough for us to articulate and dance that intricate beautiful dance that women just seem inherently good at. 

Abolish the Ranking System; Let Them Eat Cake [14:28]

While we all rank the person in front of us to a certain extent, this specific ranking system is more detrimental than it is constructive or even accurate. 

When discussing Cole and Bartiste, Marni points out that the way they offered rankings for the different women on the show was simply offensive. Because once you’ve put it out there; it becomes difficult for your partner to unsee it. Obviously, there’ll always be someone more attractive, just like there’ll be someone less attractive. But in this particular discussion, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. When dating, it should be more about the person you’re with being who they are; their ranking – if we must have one – should automatically be a 10. And it’s not just because they’re physically attractive. It’s so much more than that. 

Like obviously I know when a woman is drop dead gorgeous, yeah, she’s a 10. But I’m your 10. 

Chris adds that men, himself included, will sometimes date a woman not necessarily because they see her as a 10, but because they know their friends will see her as such. And they’ll want to show off that they can get that 10. But regardless, the way men rank is binary and superficial. When it comes down to it, the actual ranking should come from knowing the person and should include so much more than the physical. Conclusion? Dump the ranking system – and the ones still using it while you’re at it. 

Make a Connection:

 - Visit Our Website

- Subscribe to our Youtube Channel

 - Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

 - Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

 - Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

Marni welcomes Dave Neal in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they discuss what some of us could be doing wrong when it comes to dating. Using the contestants on the Bachelor as a point of reference, they talk about the different types of men (and women), and how they come off versus who they really are. Dave is a podcaster dubbed by Marni as the “King of Bachelor Nation”, and a stand-up comedian. Marni and Dave ponder why the behavior of some of the contestants hits so close to home. Falling in love is tough business, and sometimes you need to put in the work and accept that maybe you’re letting your ego get in the way. In this episode, the duo talks about how to look past the superficial, and who to give a chance to and when. And more importantly, why no one is living up to the idea you’ve built for yourself of the right person. Because sometimes it really is you, and not him. 

• Even pretty people have insecurities
• How to keep your ego from getting in the way
• Who are the ones you should root for?
• Get to know the person, not his CV
• How he handles rejection is a good indicator of who he is
• Intimidating and bossy isn’t a good color on you

What’s Your Security Currency [03:30]

Think of the word security. What images does it drum up? Each one of us has a specific perception of what security looks like. For some, it might be the high-paying job; for others it might be compassion. We each define security through our own unique lens, and that’s why it looks different for different people. 

Dave explains that regardless of all the varying definitions of the concept of security, it all boils down to energy and power. He goes on to paint a picture of the woman with the high-paying job, who for her, finding someone more creative is what she yearns for. Dave emphasizes that while we don’t always know exactly what we can do to be more attractive to someone else; we can glean much of what we do wrong by observing the behavior of the contestants on the Bachelor. And one of them is accepting that we’re all attracted to different things. What security looks like for one person, looks completely disparate to someone else.    

What’s more is that women also sometimes forget that men have the same fears, doubts, and worries that we all do. 

Women are dating and they have this illusion that if the guy is out of their league or really good-looking, that he’s not going to have insecurities and be human. 

This is a trap a lot of us fall into, where we need to remind ourselves that we’re all human; we’ve all got insecurities; we all second-guess ourselves; and we all fall short sometimes. 

Fall in Love with Values, Not a Bank Account [10:16]

A lot of women want it all and don’t want to make a compromise. They’re hyper focused on the financials rather than the values the person in front of them holds. At the end of the day, you’re building a life with a person, not with a bank account. We’ve seen this scenario unfold over and over again, not just on the bachelor but IRL, where women won’t give the person the time of day unless they’ve made it. 

Dave uses the example of Kate and Logan from the Bachelor, where she’s somewhat shallow and only looking for financial security. Logan is a filmmaker and a musician; he’s a creative. And he knows how to hold his own in a conversation. And yet Kate doesn’t find him “successful” enough. It’s not only about dating someone who’s made it, sometimes it’s about going through the journey with him, and believing in the person standing in front of you.

That’s one of the biggest mistakes that women make where the list of what they want is so high, and it’s not about values or who someone really is. 

People are multifaceted, and while it’s important to fall in love with the person and not the potential, it’s equally vital to look past the superficial, and really get into what this person has to give and who they are. We can’t all be billionaire hedge-fund scions, and maybe that’s a good thing. 

The Good Ones Know How to Handle Rejection [17:08]

How he handles rejection is a good indicator of who he is. Danny notes that with the women (and the men on the show), they’re all very good-looking. And for the women, IRL they probably don’t get rejected that often. Going off that, he explains that how you handle rejection, as a man or a woman, shows a different side of you. 

When talking about men specifically, the podcaster emphasizes that the ones who handle rejection well are more likely than not, one of the good ones. They’ve been rejected before; it’s not the end of the world. And to a certain extent, rejection humbles them. It allows them to put their ego aside.

Make a Connection:

 - Dave Neal's Bachelor Rush Hour Podcast

 - Visit Our Website

 - Subscribe to our Youtube Channel

 - Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

 - Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

 - Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

Marni and Chris analyze the couples on reality TV show, Love is Blind, and dig into how and why their behaviors change once they’re out of the pods. They draw parallels between the contestants’ actions on the reality show, and our own interactions with our partners when we’re dating IRL. Marni and Chris ponder why our insecurities manifest when we’re dating, and how they, in turn, affect the person in front of us. Asking the questions that matter, and giving us the answers, of course, the duo delve into the intricacies of romancing and all that comes with. 

Takeaways from this episode:

 - Get crystal clear on what you need

 - Is honesty always the best policy? 

 - Why are second dates scarier than first dates?

 - His words need to match his actions

 - How to let him tear that wall down

 - When to accept his apology 

He’s Projecting His Baggage Unto You [04:20]

After a certain age, we’ve all got baggage. And in a lot of scenarios, we project that baggage onto the person in front of us. That being said, sometimes what he says is not about you at all, but about his own insecurities. This was clearly the case with Shake and Deepti. Shake was consistently projecting his own baggage on Deepti. And it’s not necessarily that he was a D-bag; he just had low self-worth. Marni points out the time that Shake tried to find out Deepti’s weight by subtly asking if she’d be able to get up on his shoulders at the concert. However, it wasn’t so much that he was worried about her weight or size, but rather about his own size. It became clear that Shake felt like he was small, and projected that onto his partner on the reality show. 

This is the case IRL: the people with the lowest self-esteem are, a lot of the times, the same ones who are constantly picking apart someone else. In that case, it’s not you, it really is him. 

Why is Dating so Scary? [07:45]

Once out of the pods, it almost seemed like a lot of the contestants wanted to go back to how things were in their pods. And that’s not so different from real life, where we’re constantly wondering why our partner can’t be more like how they were in the beginning, when it all first started.  

Chris draws a similarity between leaving the pod and going on a second date. Leaving the pod is kind of like getting past the first date and actually realizing that the person likes you. He explains that the reason second dates are scarier than first dates is because of the expectation we put on ourselves. On a first date, it doesn’t really matter what happens. But once you make it to that second one, the takeaway from the first date is that you and that person like each other; they’re going to start finding out who you really are. It’s time to get deeper; it’s time for you to show up and get to know one another. And that can be terrifying, because it’s at that point that you’re scratching the surface of who the person really is. 

It’s almost like they want to climb back in that womb, and have that pod, that safety. It’s a safer place.  

Let Him to Tear Down That Wall [09:28]

Most of us have a wall built up; one that we’ve carefully cemented over the years after having our hearts broken over and over. But, how do we know when it’s time to let our partner break it down? 

When Alexa eventually decided to lean into Brennon, it was after she’d repeatedly put her flaws and insecurities out there.  She was constantly searching for validation from him, and it almost seemed like she was pushing him away. Once she realized that Brennon was here to stay, she eventually started trusting him and opening up. It was only when Brennon proved to be patient, and showed his vulnerability, that she, in turn, did the same. He didn’t get discouraged and he didn’t run for the hills. His actions matched his words. And Alexa heard him and gave in. There is a caveat though, it’s that line that we need to carefully tread between being upfront about who we are versus constantly droning on about our insecurities and whether the person can handle us. Marni explains that pushing someone away too much, and consistently, might sometimes go too far and you end up missing out. 

There comes a moment where you have to lean in and you have to trust yourself enough to know that even if it doesn’t work out, you’re going to be okay. 

When dating, going in with an open heart and mind sometimes pays off. Being curious and optimistic is difficult but worth it. That doesn’t have to be the case with every single guy, but trust yourself enough to know the difference, and that you’ll get back up if it doesn’t work out. After all, isn’t part of the beauty of falling in love is the risk that comes with it?

Make a Connection:

 - Visit Our Website

- Subscribe to our Youtube Channel

 - Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

 - Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

 - Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

Marni welcomes award-winning food and health journalist Carolyn Williams in the Life Check Yourself studio, to discuss a topic that has long plagued women (and men): our bodies. The author, dietician and mother of two, shares her own journey with food and discusses the culprit behind many of our physical ailments. Marni and Carolyn delve into what a healthy diet actually means and how to get on the right track when it comes to eating clean. And good news is that restriction isn’t, contrary to popular belief, not the way to go. Winner of the 2017 James Beard Foundation Award, Carolyn traces much of today’s health issues back to low-grade chronic inflammation. The journalist breaks down what inflammation actually is and how it contributes to conditions like diabetes. 

Takeaways from this episode:

• Forget the diet mentality
• How you can cure bloating
• Throw out the stereotypes associated with food
• Our eating habits are part of our identity
• What exactly is inflammation and why should you care?
• Be conscious of how food makes you feel

Carbs Aren’t The Enemy [04:31]

Carbs aren’t actually bad for you; what is bad is the way you consume them. According to Carolyn, we tend to overdo carbs and ignore a lot of the foods that have the nutrients we need. These foods include beans, fruits and vegetables. However, the dietician explains that rather than paint carbs as the villain, it’s more about changing our mindset and re-shifting the way we look at carbs. That being said, deprivation isn’t the answer to our diet.

To change our mindset, we need to take notice of what we eat and how it makes us feel. If there are certain foods that make us feel heavy or lethargic, then we take note of that. Once we’re conscious of the way in which our body interacts with certain foods, it becomes easier to leave behind the bad diet rules. And each person, each body is different. 

If you’re going to be who you really are in the world, and be really present for you, then why would you not fill the container in a way that allows you to express who you are? 

Chronic Inflammation is Always Running in the Background [07:18]

Carolyn’s own journey with food is what led to her discovery and subsequent deep-dive into the subject of inflammation. By exploring and asking the right questions, the journalist studied how inflammation actually affects our body (and inevitably our mind) and to what extent. While low-grade chronic inflammation might not be the cause of auto-immune diseases, diabetes and a myriad of other conditions, it is a contributor to the development of these ailments. Carolyn likens it to a silent motor constantly running in the background. And the food we eat is what contributes to inflammation. 

Inflammation is Actually a Reaction of Your Immune System [13:28]

At its core, inflammation is designed to protect us; it’s not technically bad. When we run a fever (inflammation), for example, it’s our body’s way of defending itself. But inflammation is meant to be acute and short-acting – once the job is done, it bids our body farewell. However, with chronic inflammation it’s constant and subtle. And that’s where the issue is. 

A little bit of low-grade chronic inflammation is a small contained fire. And maybe it looks like you haven’t been able to exercise, or you’re more sedentary, that kind of thing. 

Carolyn explains that chronic inflammation is a result of our modern lifestyle, the way we ingest food and the type of food we ingest. Unlike acute inflammation, chronic inflammation won’t disappear unless you actively take the steps necessary to eliminate it. It’s constantly there wreaking havoc on our bodies, slowly, silently and stealthily. Unless you make active changes to your diet, it’ll continue on. That’s not to say that we need to cut out everything labeled “bad” or deprive ourselves. But rather, to make a conscious effort to get in the nutrients that we need.

Make a Connection:

• Carolyn Williams’ Website
• Visit Our Website
• Subscribe to our Youtube Channel
• Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
• Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!
• Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

Marni and Chris break down the dos and don’ts of dating. The duo takes a look at the behavior of the single men and women on reality tv show, Love Is Blind, as they navigate through the messy game that is love. Much of what the contestants do on the show mimics our real-life interactions with each other in today’s dating scene. Marni and Chris consider why it is that people act the way they do in certain situations. They dissect the personas we all put on when meeting someone for the first time; and they question the little quirks we all bring to the table and how they affect the way we present ourselves. 

Takeaways from this episode:

• Show who you are, don’t yell it
• Too much mystery isn’t a thing, find a balance
• It’s not about what you do as much as it is about who you are
• Meet your date’s energy
• Don’t lay it all out on the first date

When He Tells You Who He is, Believe Him [13:04]

Your non-negotiables are your lifeline when it comes to dating. That being said, falling in love with potential isn’t the same as falling in love with a person. Marni draws a comparison between the couples on both the Bachelor Paradise and Love is Blind, and the way women, sometimes, behave IRL when dating. Many of us go into a relationship - knowing that our partner doesn’t meet our non-negotiables - out of this conviction or hope that one day they’ll somehow meet our checklist. And that is despite the fact that our partner has been upfront about who they are from the get-go. We just chose not to believe them. What ends up happening is that we waste time; and to add insult to injury, we’re upset when they act in par with who they’ve told us they are. Listen to your partner when they tell you who they are. It’ll save both of you time, energy, and unnecessary disappointment. 

Don’t do Jumping-Jacks as Someone Pours Their Heart Out [16:40]

As Bartiste was sharing stories from his childhood and opening up, Raven seemed to think it was the most opportune moment for her to get her work-out in. It seems obvious, but maybe keep your donkey kicks until after your date is done telling you about their childhood traumas. 

How Raven behaved was not only rude, but dismissive and borderline mean. While she may, at first, come off as aloof, Marni argues that she’s actually someone who seems emotionally unavailable and not attuned to the person in front of her. And honestly, it really is cringe when the person you’re opening up to, decides to do something else, while you pour your heart out to them. Just don’t do it. 

Put Your Best Foot First, Don’t Shove it Through the Door [18:52]

We all have passions, hobbies, skills and things that we’re good at it. And it’s normal for everyone to want to present their best self when first dating. But there is a point when it becomes too much, as was apparent with several of the personalities on Love Is Blind. Both Colleen and Raven, made it a point throughout much of their encounters, to hammer in the fact that one is a ballerina and the other is into fitness. Marni believes that to a certain extent, constantly talking about what you do or what you’re good at on first dates shows a lack of confidence and self-worth. And quite frankly, it can be a turn-off. 

Rather than leading with what you do, Marni suggests leading with who you are. The fun thing about dating is you get to know the person as you go on more and more dates. So, instead of laying it all out, sometimes giving little bits and pieces without honing in on one particular skill (over and over) is the way to go. 

That’s what dating is, it’s to get to know if the idea of the person you have is really who the person is.

Make a Connection:

• Visit Our Website
• Subscribe to our Youtube Channel
• Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
• Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!
• Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

Marni welcomes Marc Sholes in the Life Check Yourself studio where they have an in-depth conversation about the human mind. The pair delve into existential questions we all have. Why do we act a certain way in our relationships? Why do we get obsessive when the person we like takes days to respond to a text? Why do we form certain patterns and how can we break them? Marc, who has over 25 years of experience in psychotherapy, is the author of “Reset Your Romantic GPS: Why You Steer Toward the Wrong Partners and How to Change Direction for the Better.” The psychoanalyst, and licensed clinical social worker who has helped individuals, couples and groups to get to the root of their ailments. In this episode, Marc and Marni look into attachment theory, and the different attachment styles that we develop as infants, and then take with us into our adult relationships. They discuss the tools and methods used in our road to recovery, and the sense self-empowerment that comes from standing still and being comfortable in the discomfort of our feelings. 

• What’s attachment theory all about? 
• Discomfort is not your enemy
• It all starts in infancy
• Your attachment style is your love language
• Can another person make you whole?
• How to change the patterns that don’t serve you

Internalized Feelings of Security are Your Lifejacket [04:04]

Marc paints a picture of two infants; one born having had their needs met consistently and the other having had their feelings ignored or neglected by their primary caretaker. It is at that stage that our attachment styles begin to take shape. 

The successful psychoanalyst explains that an infant who’s had their feelings responded to in a healthy fashion, will go on to internalize a sense of security and safety. And that internalized system is what they will go on to use in their interaction with the outside world. In the opposite scenario, the child will grow up with the crutch of constantly trying to create a bond with a partner, as a result of having had to do that as an infant. How an infant is responded to by their primary caretaker influences their own self-regulation and self-validation as an adult. Those of us with insecure attachment styles have had to find security outside of ourselves, whereas those with secure attachment styles have learned to internalize those feelings.   

That person becomes much more preoccupied with the other; how do I meet the other’s needs? What can I do to accommodate the other so the other will love me?

Marnie adds that the reason why people with insecure attachment styles stay in unhealthy relationships is because it feels familiar. It mimics those first few years as an infant where needs weren’t being met, and where the child felt insecure. 

Chasing Chemistry is an addiction [13:27]

In a relationship, you’re chasing that chemistry high. You’re pulled back again towards an intensity that you felt at a certain moment with your partner, and you’re willing to do anything to feel it again. The insecure individuals want to hold on to that feeling even though, in essence, it’s fleeing. In attempt to not lose the intensity with their partner, they start accommodating them, at times to their own detriment. Feelings from infancy resurface as they struggle to keep that connection with their partner. 

Their value has been what they can do for the other, not what the other can do for them.

Change the coordinates on your Romantic GPS [16:45]

All hope is not lost, though. An insecure attachment style can be altered, but it takes work. Marc divulges that the key to change that insecurity is to actively train yourself to become your own regulator, rather than being dependent on your significant other. Through mindful meditation, you’ll manage to change your attachment style. Only by being able to sit with your feelings, and embrace them, can you then begin to accept that it’s actually okay to have them. Discomfort is something that the experienced psychiatrist invites people to feel. Because discomfort is a healthy choice; it means that we’re putting in the work. 

It’s a way of realizing that you have it in you to be able to be that regulator and that the other doesn’t have to be that regulator - you have it inside of you.

Another practice that Marc encourages is taking note of your cravings. Understanding why you’re hankering for a certain food, and at what particular moment that manifests, helps with the why. It’s not about abstaining from your cravings but about understanding them and bringing them into your consciousness. Once you’re aware of why you’re making a certain choice, you can begin to change it. The questions you’re asking yourself at this point are empowering. 

Make a Connection:

• Visit Our Website
• Subscribe to our Youtube Channel
• Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
• Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!
• Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates