Marni welcomes Adele Spraggon in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they get into the nitty gritty of how to train your brain and break down patterns that have been influencing your relationships. Adele is an award-winning author, an international trainer and the recipient of the 2022 Women of Inspiration accolade. In this episode, Marni and Adele discuss the reasons why we react to our partners the way we do, how to recognize certain patterns in ourselves, and how to break the cycle of emotional distress that sometimes manifests in relationships. It’s a journey of self-empowerment wrapped in a 4-step process that starts by looking inwards, without judgment. Winner of the 2021 Top Behavioral expert title, Adele’s book, “Shift: 4 Steps to Personal Empowerment” has won several awards.
You’re Interacting with a Pattern, Not a Partner [05:38]
Adele explains that when meeting or interacting with a person, we’re actually interpreting them through our own set of past experiences. We’re not reacting to them, but to a pattern we’ve formed for them.
Let’s think about the brain. It’s inside a dark silent room called a skull. It has no access to the outside world, so I can’t really know you.
We’re interacting to our own brain, rather than to the person standing in front of us. Adele goes on to emphasize that the brain is in a continuous process of rewiring itself. And to break certain cycle, repatterning – which is unearthing, understanding, and changing the internal patterns that are obstructing the relationship – is key. Reminding ourselves that we’re actually interacting with our own pattern, is an introspective process that allows us to find out why we’ve reacted to our partner’s behavior in a certain way. This eventually leads to the understanding that our reaction has more to do with us, than with them.
A pattern is an intertwined physical sensation, emotion and thought.
It is the patterns within us that we need to identify, deconstruct and reconstructed, in order to understand the why. And that’s part of the 4-step process that the award-winning author uses when working with couples.
Your Mind is just Along for the Ride [ 12:14]
Triggers stem from the physical and emotional state, rather than from the mind. What a person’s mind essentially does, is take whatever sensory data it’s given, and weave a story out of it.
If we could slow everything down, you would see the mind just following along.
The mind is there to justify the emotions. But in order to recognize these patterns and start deconstructing them, we need to slow down, and ask ourselves the right questions. The first step in Adele’s process for training the brain, is being unapologetically honest with ourselves about our feelings. In a world that’s constantly putting pressure on us to alter ourselves, the expert explains that this process is not about changing or fixing a particular emotion but rather about embracing and understanding it.
A Little Less Conversation, a Little More Introspection [18:57]
We’re not saying communication isn’t important, but rather how you’re communicating. Constantly trying to fix your partner or tell them what to do - something we’re all guilty of at one point or other - doesn’t work. Whereas, understanding the pattern that makes you react to them in a certain way, does. Your reaction to your partner’s behavior is a reflection of one of your patterns. Explaining those feelings to your partner, once you’ve explored them yourself, is the road to healing.
It’s when someone needs to justify or defend how they’re feeling, or fix how they’re feeling, it causes the other brain, your partner’s brain, to also want to defend, justify and fix.
The four traps Adele says need to be avoided, and the same ones that keep those triggering behaviors cemented in the relationship, are justifying, analyzing, catastrophizing and rebelling. Our brains have been, throughout our lives, conditioned to analyze, and justify. So, don’t justify. Unless you’ve taken a moment to stand still, and accept how you feel, and what pattern that belongs to, the relationship becomes a vicious cycle that is constantly repeating itself, with no end in sight.
What’s happening to your partner’s brain is every time you go down one of those traps, you’re pushing them into one of their traps.
Marni and Chris join forces to untangle the real-life dating lessons from this Hunger Games version of Bachelor in Paradise (BIP for the cool kids). Next week is the season finale so a lot of relationships are meeting their breaking point. And, Chris makes a BIG announcement about how to upgrade your male partner!
Takeaways from this episode:
The biggest mistake women make in relationships
Is it too soon to start dating again?
Finding someone new will not lessen your heartbreak
The success rate of ultimatums
One of the biggest mistakes women make in dating and relationships happens twice in this episode. As Marni points out, you can’t get under someone else before you are healed from your last relationship. For example; Eliza chooses Rodney but it doesn’t feel right so she runs to the next boy, and keeps chasing different men because she doesn't know what will make her happy. Marni’s advice for her is to take a pause to get her mind straight.
Then, Andrew reveals that he can’t get over Teddi breaking up with him in the second season. He just dates other people to try to feel better. He needs to deal with his feelings before going any farther with Ency, who apparently loves him after spending less than 24 hours with him. In a very short time, Ency’s leaking low self-esteem gave Marni the icks.
Many guys, when heartbroken, will try to find someone else. The idea that dating someone else will make you feel better or get over your heartbreak is immature.
Chris asks if it is not healthy for someone to get under someone else soon after a breakup, how will I know when it is time?
Marni says relationship readiness depends on when you are emotionally free from the past. There are no thoughts of your ex coming back, no resentment, and no dark thoughts. Your heart should be healed.
Only after getting back to normal should you test the waters to see if you are able to be with another person without comparing them to the ex.
Ency chooses the ultimatum strategy to try and get Aaron to give her love. By threatening to leave him she used an age-old manipulative strategy that comes from a place of fear and control. It is an immature and volatile way to handle conflict. It’s a horrible way to try to get someone to love you.
During the show, Aaron and Genevieve have an off-camera fight. Aaron tells her that her feeling impatient and stressed is the same thing and that she shouldn’t feel that way. In a time when she needed empathy, he didn’t know how to give it. Ultimately, they don’t know how to resolve conflict. He is a mansplainer who deflects issues instead of dealing with them.
Marni shares a spoiler and some juicy gossip about Aaron!
Both Aaron and Genevieve have an anxious attachment style. Their interactions show the unhealthy ways people try to express themselves when they want to experience love. Somewhere deep down in her gut, Genevieve knows Aaron is not the right guy but she ignores her intuition over and over.
“Fight for me” and ultimatum strategies are NOT ways to create connection or resolve problems.
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Marni welcomes the head of Global Communications at OkCupid, Michael Kaye to the Life Check Yourself Studio. OkCupid is one of the world's largest dating apps. Previously, Michael served as a Product Communications Manager at LinkedIn and as a Sr. Global Communications Manager with OkCupid. He is an industry award winner who has been featured on ABC NEWS, Business Insider, Bustle, Cosmo, NYT, and more. He shares insider tips and best practices to help you find someone special.
Takeaways from this episode:
Insider tips for making the algorithm find the right match
How much time to spend dating online
Who should message first
How to get offline and into each other's arms
Big dating profile turn-offs
How Michael Became a Connection Guru [2:21]
In college, Michael didn't know how to find other men in his area. He found the safest and most discreet way was through dating apps. The great news is that he is still dating the person he met online eight and a half years later. One day, he received a DM from someone at OkCupid to see if he was interested in interviewing for a position. He accepted and the rest is history. He says he loves working for a company that helps people find love all over the globe.
Dating apps work because people aren't attending gatherings like they used to.
Marni says the pandemic helped make online dating mainstream and shifted people's perception about trying to find someone online. Michael adds that the pandemic trends were that people wanted a stronger emotional connection before a physical connection. Another trend was that women started to take control of their dating lives. They were sending more first messages than ever before and it paid off for them.
Women Should Send the First Message [10:18]
Michael’s advice is to really take some time into drafting the first message to someone with a profile you find intriguing. He shares the data on how to make your first message the best. He says if you don't have a positive outlook, then you shouldn’t reach out. Take some time for yourself because what you put into online dating is what you get out of it. If you don't put the time in, you won't get quality matches, you won't find that special someone.
Dating is a part-time job.
Insider Secret Tips:
There is a way to trick the system but you have to spend the time doing it.
Go online for a few minutes every day or every other day. If not, you may be missing connections.
Change something about your profile every few weeks.
Login every Sunday as it is the busiest day of the week.
Learn to work the algorithm and educate it about who you are interested in.
Data shows that more than 9 in 10 people on OK Cupid have average or higher than average self-confidence. It's important to be confident in who you are when dating. If not those insecurities will filter into any relationship. It creates an unhealthy relationship if you don't.
How to Move Things Offline [19:58]
Michael says that it is easy to get frustrated with online dating because so many first messages are just Hey or What's Up. He says to move the conversation from the app to an in-person meeting, is to not be shy and say something like … this app is killing my battery, here is my number, this moves the conversation from the app to a phone call, e-mail, or even face-to-face.
30% of OkCupid daters want to move the conversation off the app asap.
Biggest Red Flags in Online Dating:
53% of daters on OkCupid say that being controversial or saying offensive things is a red flag.
27% of daters say mentioning an ex on first dates is a red flag,
20% of daters don't like it when the other person gets too drunk on a first date.
The biggest turn-off for people on an online dating app is people who put ---swipe left if - on their profile. Micheal advises that instead of focusing on deal breakers, highlight the dealmakers.
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Marni and Chris analyze the relationship styles of the remaining Bachelor in Paradise contestants and contemplate what effect the new singles dropping in next week will have on a season that is almost over. And, even though the contestants are hot-bodied, 20‒30 somethings, we find out that their dating mistakes are not so far off from the rest of us.
Takeaways from this episode:
Trying to find love without a good foundation of what healthy love is
Why checking boxes isn’t enough for some women
What exactly is love-bombing?
Setting boundaries
Don’t Waste Your Precious Time on the Wrong Person [1:04]
Handsome Alex is a great example of how checking boxes isn’t enough. Chris Gillis thinks Alex left the show because he didn’t offer any of the super-cool, put-together ladies anything to dwell on. He didn’t have any emotional response and he wasn’t fun enough. He was a plain vanilla type of guy.
Marni points out that one of the people in a relationship must be responsible for asking questions that evoke emotions or lead to getting to know someone better. Alex didn’t do that.
Logan, Johnny, and Alex just didn’t have what it takes to fulfill Victoria or Kate’s desire to set up a house and eventually have children. Marni adds that empowered women know what they want.
If you want to fix him, don’t date him. A guy is going to be the same guy no matter how long you date him.
Recognizing that a guy doesn’t meet your non-negotiables is a clear sign to end it. There is no sense in prolonging a relationship because you think a guy is going to change. He won’t.
The Big Story on the Beach [10:36]
The big story of the show was Rodney, Eliza, and Justin. Eliza gave Rodney the rose and sent Justin home. Marni says if she were to coach Rodney, she would tell him not to say such creepy things as Eliza stood there crying. It was probably what turned her off.
Both Rodney and Justin seem like typical good guys. Even as Justin left, he was supportive and in dignity. Eliza said she wanted to be fought for and then when it happened she didn’t know how to handle it.
Eliza may not have a healthy idea of what love is, or what a healthy relationship is. This is what happens when someone can’t manage their feelings. When Eliza’s feelings got overwhelming, she shut down.
That being said, it is also not fair to think you can choose between two men in only four dates.
Some women sabotage a great guy because they like the bad-for-you guys.
When someone says they got love-bombed, what exactly does it mean? Marni clarifies that love-bombing is when someone tells you how amazing you are and begins future-based conversations without really knowing you. Then shortly after, they get critical about the things they ignored. It is a total F-boy tool.
When you are grounded in your self-worth and not dating from a place of scarcity you don’t get love-bombed or gaslit.
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Marni welcomes Brett Parker to the show. Brett walked away from his former career as a successful Hollywood director in LA. The burnout and overwhelm created a disconnect from everything he valued including his five-year-old son. He discovered a simple, elegant process to break free from the feeling of disconnect. He has since devoted his life to helping clients find their dream careers with passion, focus, and impact.
Takeaways from this episode:
Creating the life you want
Stop making decisions from fear
Get clear about your why
Living your million-dollar story
Create the Life You Want [2:21]
Ladies, use this convo with Brett to remind you that every guy you meet has his own crazy going on in his life. After his divorce, Brett found it challenging, but in a good way. He focused on how he could show up to be the best dad because that was the most important thing to him. He was so burned out he felt as if he had no choice but to leave his previous life.
During a dark night on the couch, Brett decided to forget about all the limitations and create a list of his absolute wants and his non-negotiables. He says, we all have a choice and we either choose love or fear. The first step is to decide what we want. If we don’t know what we want, we remain stuck.
When we feel stuck it is because we have made decisions out of fear.
Brett’s Steps to Get Unstuck:
Walk down the road of fear. Consider the worst possible thing that can happen if you make a change.
Embody the emotions you want to feel now.
Get clear about what you want in your life.
Be committed to living your why.
If you are waiting for the fear to pass you may be waiting forever.
The Process of Reframing [11:46]
Marni asks Brett what to do when we can’t get clear about what it is we truly want. For example, when we know what we don’t want but can’t put our finger on what would make our future amazing.
Brett took the leap even though he was afraid he wasn’t going to be there for the people important to him. Yet, in taking action, he was the happiest he had ever been in his life. He began embracing everything that came his way. He was learning new things and he was beginning to embody his why. He started to feel like the luckiest person in the world.
Success or love may not look like what you think it should look like. Reimagine your future.
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Marni welcomes an award-winning international dating and relationship expert. Hunt Ethridge has over 15 years of helping people become the best, most datable versions of themselves. He helps his clients empirically become more datable. His company trains matchmakers and dating coaches. You may have seen him on one or more than 100 media outlets, including Playboy and CNN.
Takeaways from this episode:
How to communicate with Men about sex
Use special phraseology to get what you want
Get empirically better at dating
How to give a compliment
How Do Men Learn to Be Good at Sex [3:29]
Many women ask Marni why they are not excited about having sex with their boyfriend or how they can get their partners to be better at sex. Hunt says men don’t have a lot of resources to go to for information about relationships and sex. It is hard for them to know what to do.
For men, sex is tied up with ego. And, the male ego is fragile. This is what makes it difficult to ask for relationship advice and not take the feedback as criticism. A magazine or porn isn’t the greatest way to learn about sex because of the stereotypical roles they portray.
There are ways for women to get what they want in bed without being critical or frustrated with their guy. Hunt says it’s all about the phraseology. Adding a positive aspect can make a guy feel comfortable enough to adapt to what his woman wants.
Every woman has a different manual when it comes to physical touch.
Get Empirically Better at Dating [9:22]
Marni asks how women and men optimize themselves to find the right person. Hunt says luck favors the prepared mind. The essence of dating is to understand the value systems of your culture and try to exemplify them.
Empirically better dating is just a series of little extra skills that make you a more interesting, likable, person.
When dating, it is normal for people to ask logical questions hoping to get some conversation starter nuggets. But, in doing that Hunt says, we don’t set the stage for chemistry to flourish. We ask logical questions expecting to get an emotional result. Hunt offers examples of how logical questions can be asked emotionally.
Reframing a question can lead to emotional responses and help put us in a positive light.
Compliments are low-hanging fruit. But, if you give a compliment with a personalized touch it will mean so much more to the person.
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Marni and Chris are joined by Dr. Emily to dish about what went terribly wrong on this week’s Bachelor in Paradise. In addition to extracting the real-life dating lessons demonstrated on the show, they share the contestants they identify with, and who their favorite contestants are.
Takeaways from this episode:
Power dynamics in relationships
Settling for the guy who shows you attention
The importance of shared values
Age-gap relationships
Gender Role Confusion on BIP [2:18]
Eliza and Rodney decided they were made for each other then Justin came back. Uh oh! Eliza asks if she can go on a date with Justin and Rodney says yes, but why? In the real world, many women are confused about power dynamics. They send confusing messages to men about how much power they want in a relationship because they were taught conflicting messages about what masculine and feminine dynamics are in a relationship.
Direct and honest communication is the best gift you can give another person.
Just because a guy says he is falling for you doesn’t make him “the one.” Almost all of the women on the show are emotionally fragile. They seem to be stuck on the guy that chooses them instead of weighing out their options. A lack of self-worth is what makes us settle for every guy that gives us attention.
Victoria Falls for Johnny [17:07]
What is it about Johnny that made Victoria crumble this week? Does he have F-boy kryptonite, or is it because he hangs out with the popular kids? He told Victoria he wasn’t good enough for her and he clearly doesn’t have the same values. Yet, as soon as she saw his brokenness and puppy dog face, she was hooked.
Toxicity [25:54]
Genevieve and Aaron are an example of how NOT to resolve conflict and how NOT to move forward in a relationship. These two are toxic together. Getting angry and defensive doesn’t solve anything. They both seem to have emotional issues and like drama.
Chris says this tactic won’t last. Eventually, one partner is going to give up and stop chasing the drama.
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Marni and Chris chew on all the juicy morsels that were this week’s Bachelor in Paradise which was hands-down the most interesting and real-life episode so far. The examples on the show prove you can have an amazing date one night and have another amazing date with someone else the next night.
Takeaways from this episode:
Learn not to take things personally
It takes some people longer to process how they feel
What real-life Dating with Dignity looks like #BeAVictoria
Infatuation and chemistry are not values
The big switch took place in Casa Amor this week. Contestants have shuffled around and landed with different people to date. Surprisingly, none of the guys said anything negative about the girl they decided to quit seeing.
When you are contemplating why someone didn’t ask you out on another date, maybe it’s not that all men are malicious or there is something wrong with you, it could just be they found a better connection with someone else. Don’t take it personally.
Shanae perfectly portrays what not to do when someone doesn’t want to date you anymore. Hint… she went ballistic.
Chris asks Marni why some people take themselves emotionally out of the market too early, like Jill who is leaving. Could be the producers asked her to leave since she has dated most of the guys already and there is no love connection with Jacob.
Both Marni and Chris agree Victoria is the quintessential Dating with Dignity woman. She keeps her cool. She knows what she wants and she stays open to listening to what a guy wants. If every woman dated like Victoria is dating there would be peace on earth.
She knows Johnny is an F-boy who doesn’t want to be engaged at the end of the season. Yet, she asks him open-ended questions that seem to make him uncomfortable. She is listening for the truth. This helps her weed out guys who don’t share her values and don’t check her boxes and allows her to move on to find someone whom she can have a future with.
Ladies, when you feel a strong physical attraction to someone or become unnerved when they don’t text, ask yourself if you are feeling a healthy adult love or an unmet childhood need for love.
Sometimes people confuse physical chemistry with 6th-grade butterflies or high school drama.
Ladies, if someone says no to you, don’t take it personally. Think about if he is really even your person before getting emotional. Is he a person of value? Is he your equal? How is he treating you? Slowly going through these questions will make things clearer and take the emotion out of the equation.
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Glenn Sandifer joins Marni in the Life Check Yourself studio to help successful women find a man that matches their drive, ambition, and expectations. Glenn has over 20 years of experience in field sales and marketing. He says success in the workplace is often at odds with intimate relationships. He understands how busy people can enjoy their work but fail to build or maintain healthy personal connections outside of office hours. They discuss his book, Middle Ground: How to Get Great Dating Outcomes in a Modern World.
Takeaways from this episode:
How to define your type
Relationship expectations of high-quality, successful women
How to find a HENRY (high-earner not rich yet)
How to identify seasons in a relationship
Is it time to take the lead or be the helper?
Empowered at Work, Disempowered in Relationship [1:50]
Many women express their concerns about dating in the workplace. The challenge these high achievers have is they get tangled up in relationships that don’t meet their expectations.
Successful women often find themselves lingering with F-boys or the modern man. Modern women usually get with modern men but most modern women don’t want a modern man, they want a traditional man. Modern women are uncertain about what they want in a relationship. They believe they want a relationship to be 50-50, yet they have certain expectations about what role the man should play. And, traditional men generally don’t look for modern successful women.
High-value men are HENRYs: High-Earners Not Rich Yet.
In his book, Glenn defines a male persona as someone who takes care of a successful woman but doesn’t have any drive of his own. A successful woman will wait around for the male to step up but it simply wastes her time. The spirit of sacrifice and the spirit of duty necessary for a sustainable relationship are things most 25-year-old guys don’t have.
Glenn notes that some of the best relationship outcomes occur when there is a Leader and a Helper in all aspects of a relationship. At times, a woman leads and other times she helps, and vice-versa. Marni shares an example of clients who have difficulty shifting old paradigms of the leader/helper roles. Clients may say things like, “He is supposed to take this role.” Often, women have expectations that men should always take the lead.
Glenn’s personal view is that a lot can be learned from the Bible. He says there is a set of beliefs in the Bible, to guide us toward relationship success.
To be in a long-term, sustainable, committed relationship, we have a long view. There are seasons we go through but everything shifts and changes with time.
We all need to be intentional about our communication. Generally, when there is trouble in a relationship, we find that communication has been inauthentic and unclear.
Many times women want men to lead the conversation about where things stand in a relationship.
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The Middle Ground: How To Get Great Dating Outcomes in a Modern World, by Glenn Sandifer
Marni and Chris Gillis shine a light on the often hidden dating lessons from the latest episode of Bachelor in Paradise. This episode is a treasure trove of real-life riches for people who want a successful, long-term relationship.
Takeaways from this episode:
The difference between telling your sad tale and being vulnerable
How to avoid activating your unmet childhood needs
Be rejection-proof
Don’t chase a man
Be the person you want to attract
You Are More Than Your Trauma [3:40]
To dispel the common dating no-no of making a tragedy the basis of your connection, especially on the first date, BIP producers brought in a woman they thought would have something in common with Michael. The move made Marni physically cringe. The theory is that BIP producers really liked Michael A., who lost his wife four years ago to breast cancer, and in an effort to get him to stay on the show, they brought in Danielle. Danielle lost her husband to suicide eleven years ago. It is an unhealthy way to start a relationship!
Trauma dumping is not being vulnerable.
Michael A., your supposed vulnerability is really lightly-veiled manipulation. Not cool brother. If you resonate with Danielle’s plight to not be a therapist for the rest of her life, run away from sad tale singles.
The ‘big switch’ in this episode led to an overabundance of tears and the hysteria the ladies produced is insane. They have only known the guys for a short period and have already formed the idea that the guys are “theirs.”
Chris admits that even though males get involved in fast-forward relationships without thinking it through, the women who live in scarcity and need to fall in love are sabotaging their dating life.
You have to be engaged and interested in a man without getting attached. If you are not careful you will activate your unmet childhood needs.
Having self-worth makes you rejection-proof and resilient.
During the BIP episode, when the new women are introduced, the original women seemed overly distraught, but none as much as Lace. She walks down to the beach looking for Rodney, only to find him with a new girl. Ladies, big lesson here, if a guy does not respond to a message, Do Not chase him down.
This show is a great example of how to cultivate relationships when your ego-self is leading the way. Resolving your core issues is key to improving your dating life.
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Marni and Chris Gillis break down the double-whammy that was Bachelor in Paradise. So many juicy lessons in this episode about non-negotiables, emotional unavailability, prima donnas, and F-boys! If you are in the dating pool and consistently not meeting the right guys, tune in and chill out.
Takeaways from this episode:
Beauty fades and money is never enough
Love language connection
How to express what you need
Being more than your story
What to do when a date is not a match
This episode of Bachelor in Paradise revealed some perfect examples of ladies who have unrealistic expectations about what a guy needs to do in dating. A guy can be interested in a woman without being a slobbering mess and falling all over her. A woman who needs constant validation of her lovability and worth doesn’t make a good partner.
Hey Genevieve and Shanae, if a guy doesn’t treat you like Disney princesses you don’t have to turn into witches!
When starting to date someone and they don’t show up as “perfect,” understand that “perfect” is not realistic and realize that now is the time to train the person how you want to be treated.
Both Marni and Chris agree that Michael A. is an emotionally unavailable jerk. If you don’t remember, Michael was on the Bachelor but left because his son missed him and now he is on Bachelor in Paradise.
In the very first episode, Michael seemingly lays his soul on the line to Sierra. He got emotionally naked with her and then when she opened up to him he put on the brakes saying the relationship was moving too fast and that he just wants to be friends.
Marni says it clearly demonstrates that Michael is emotionally unavailable. Chris says Michael slammed his foot down on the vulnerability pedal and it’s bullsh*t. He started by speaking her love language and then pulled an f-boy move.
Even if Sierra was coerced into just leaving the relationship, she should have asked what Michael meant when he said things were moving too fast.
Don’t let your story be all you have to offer a partner.
How to Put on the Brakes [31:17]
There is no way to reform an F-Boy. So, when it is time to bow out after a date how do you do it? Marni explains how a girl can control the pace of dating and the overall relationship. She says — if you are on a date and it is not going well, you do not owe the other person anything. Even if they paid for the meal, brought flowers, etc.
The best way to bow out after dating is to be direct and tell the other person they are not your match.
Make a Connection:
Marni and Chris Gillis break down the insecurities, easy hookups, and control struggles that were all over this week’s Bachelorette. Marni shares the solid takeaways from the show, especially the importance of remembering that dating is a process, and there is value in the entire process.
Takeaways from this episode:
Stop romanticizing the perfect man
Show up strong, not insecure
Keep your cool when dating around
Focusing on externals doesn’t fix internal insecurities
The Pitfalls of Romanticizing Someone You’ve Never Met [3:55]
Chris calls fantasizing about someone you’ve never met a delicious pitfall, but it isn’t one that you can risk falling for. It only sets you up for disappointment and a lack of a true fresh start. After Teddi’s date with Andrew, she takes a step back to realize that maybe her romantic fantasies about him sabotage any chance for a relationship before they even meet. Marni thinks that the fact that she ran away means she is emotionally unavailable and has serious avoidant attachment. She didn’t want to deal with Rodney or Andrew, and she basically set herself up to fail.
Marni asks Chris about the issue that Teddi revealed in Clayton’s season. Nate reminds listeners that Teddi — and all of the contestants — are real people with real backstories who have to protect their own mental health. Marni lays out the bottom line — don’t make up romantic fantasies about your date before you’ve met them in real life.
Let them show you who they are, don’t make up a story about who they are.
Jill describes herself as painfully single, but Chris thinks that is a solid turnoff for a few reasons. It presents you in a negative light and makes it sound like no one wants you — even if that’s not really true!
Marni thinks Jill handled Romeo in the best way possible, but she spends way too much time painting herself as insecure. She needs to come off as a confident, strong, independent woman, but Chris wonders why she bounces between quirky and fun and then back to insecure.
Chris asks Marni if she thinks Romeo or Jill is more difficult dating-wise. Romeo has a bad reputation that he’s going to have a hard time overcoming, but Jill doesn’t present the energy that will attract the good guy.
Victoria, on the other hand, isn’t aggressive but is definitely open to possibilities, which is much more attractive. She keeps things light and fun, which is attracting all of the men straight to her.
Rule guys in until they rule themselves out.
Guys Aren’t Always Looking for Easy Women [18:05]
Tarzan Jacob is going to have his pick of three women, and he’s made it clear that it’s not going to be the women that are the most willing to sleep with him. Even he doesn’t pick Kira. Chris says no one wants to date the girl that is so easy that she’s obviously willing to hook up with anyone that looks at her twice.
Even if you are still trying to figure out your sexuality, sleeping around is not the way to get what you want most. Over and over again the guys on the show are most attractive to the women who don’t sacrifice their self-respect for anyone else.
Chris and Marni talk about who keeps their cool best when contestants start dating around, and what it means about your own insecurities. Remember, you may feel like you don’t have control when the guy you like goes on a date with someone else, but you always have plenty of choices until you decide to go exclusive.
Make a Connection:
Marni welcomes Tessa Alburn to the Life Check Yourself Studio. Tessa is a certified master coach at the Institute for Living Courageously and has been working on the You’re Courageous Life VIP program. She has helped countless women connect with the essential self, let go of limiting beliefs, and start to write the blueprint for the whole self life that they really want to live.
Takeaways:
Tessa reveals the reasons that so many women come to the ILC and the core change that allows them to finally start creating a life of meaning. Core change means understanding and being your essential self and recognizing how it expresses energetically in the world.
Tessa reminds us that there is nothing wrong with us, but we have to be able to express our true self. We have to learn what needs to shift and then get the essential self expressed in a way that is received and heard by others.
Too many women are missing the pieces around how to communicate from their true self, the part of them that wants to be loved.
You might have a great life, but still feel a disconnect between true gratitude and the gratitude that is in your mind, leaving you feeling stuck and angry. At the ILC campus, we work to help women bridge that gap.
Marni asks why your essential self matters in your efforts to live a meaningful life, attract the right partner, be a powerful leader and create impact in your relationships. Why should we care about that? When we own that it matters to us, we can come into a fullness of life that is freed up to have a more meaningful life experience. That also results in connection with the divine, the universe, and with others.
When we know we are living our purpose in life, we have such deep gratification, deep fulfillment, and deep satisfaction.
Our clients experience breakthroughs when they start asking themselves high-quality questions. Tessa shares some of these questions, like How did my reaction connect to the past? How did I learn to react like this? How might I love myself even though I’m upset?
If you’re not able to come into your adult self, you will constantly feel hurt and rejected.
Marni shares the example of choosing not to text men back. Being a quiet woman who doesn’t use her voice is just a script that is holding you back, and holding onto outdated, limiting advice is not the way to get what you really want!
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Marni and Chris gather the Dating Dos and Don’ts from this season’s first episode of Bachelor in Paradise. There were some great lessons about what to share on the first and second dates. FYI, IBS isn’t one of those things, Hunter!
Takeaways:
In the episode, Hunter offers us a great Dating Don’t opportunity. She talks about her IBS with Johnny. It made Marni uncomfortable when she heard it. Her advice is not to share this type of information too soon. Romeo became overwhelmed by all of Hunter’s issues.
Dating Don’t — Don’t share all of your medical conditions on the first date.
This season seems to be the geriatric version of Bachelor in Paradise boasting several over 30 contestants. Chris Gillis warns against accepting social labels as our own. Age normally doesn’t become an issue until we make it mean something about us.
Romeo, Kira, and Jill show us an example of Dating Dos and Don’ts if a person you are dating is dating other people. In the show, we are aware that Romeo kissed Kira in a club. Kira comes off like she has a weird ownership of Romeo after just the kiss and some texts. The issue is Romeo tells Jill he likes her. But then totally weirds out when it comes to telling Kira he is not interested in her. The art of the breakup is not his forte.
Dating Do — If you are not interested in someone, tell them swiftly, simply, and succinctly.
And, ladies, watch Kira try to get validation through sex. Marni says if you make up the story that all guys want is sex and then you come across as sexually aggressive a guy WILL take you up on it. He will not be considering you for a long-term commitment because he will be wondering how many other dudes you are playing the same game with.
Dating Do — Be honest about what you want from a relationship and lead with your values.
Serene and Brandon demonstrate a big Dating Don’t. Marni says it is a big don’t to reveal too much when texting as it creates a pseudo-intimacy. It is impossible to create an intimate connection without ever being face-to-face. Save the juicy stuff for when you meet in person.
Make a Connection:
Marni welcomes former Hustle Culture Devotee, Sara McElroy to the Life Check Yourself Studio. Sara is an ex-Chief Marketing Officer, the WSJ poster girl for a pandemic career burn-out, and a two-time member of the great resignation. After a stress-induced shingle diagnosis in 2021, Sara decided to hit the reset button on her life. While looking for alignment in her life, she created Raze to Rise to amplify women’s voices, and inspire others to blaze new trails.
Takeaways:
Sara reveals that during the beginning of her corporate career she didn’t have self-trust. She was the quintessential corporate soldier. She outsourced her power and agency and put her future in the hands of the corporation she worked for.
Sara says we get to the breaking point more quickly when we know what we are willing to tolerate and what we are not. Our dissatisfaction becomes a muscle that flexes when something is not in alignment.
Good-girl conditioning is very real. We are rewarded for being obedient and not asking troublesome questions.
We get stuck in unfulfilling jobs if we have not been taught to make choices that are good for us. She knew she wasn’t the only woman mired in cycles of burn-out.
Sara created the phrase Raze to Rise when she rebuilt her life based on what she wanted, not what she was told to want. She says the belief system we pick up from others can be insidious because we operate our lives based on someone else's belief of what success is.
And, while it is important not to require external validation in general, it is exceptionally important not to have it in your career because it can create a pseudo-addiction to the meaningless atta-girls.
There is nothing wrong with taking baby steps in the direction you want to go.
Marni asks what is driving women to quietly quit. Is it a passive-aggressive maneuver or is it the beginning of a movement toward change? Sara says while it seems counterproductive to some it is a step forward for those who haven’t built up their self-confidence yet.
Sara created a six-stage journey for people ready to go through the process of walking away. The rumbling of quiet quitting can be akin to disillusionment, or not being in alignment with what you are doing at the moment. She says while some people have a lightbulb moment and others approach it as quietly quitting. It is just the first step toward enlightenment.
It is beautiful when we acknowledge the bars of the cage we created for ourselves.
Make a Connection:
Marni and Chris discuss the fired-up season finale of the Bachelorette 2022. Marni is a bit perturbed about how it seems women on the show can do no wrong and making the guys look like villains is acceptable. Rachel tears into Tino after learning of an indiscretion and then breaks up with him. Then, Gabby turns the other cheek and gives Erich a fighting chance even after learning about his offenses.
Takeaways:
Tips for breaking up when it is the right thing to do
How to question someone with empathy
Owning up to an indiscretion
Compassion and Forgiveness
The Rachel-Tino Breakup [2:39]
The projection of Rachel as the queen and making Tino appear to be the villain undermines all the good communication and healthy relationship advice Marni has ever taught. Rachel didn’t handle the breakup with dignity. Tino was trying so hard to express himself but he just couldn’t get there. Rachel was emotionally unavailable and Tino felt insecure. So Tino goes out and kisses someone else.
It is not OK that Tino kissed someone else.
Rachel couldn't identify the problem to work with Tino to solve it. She was triggered and couldn't communicate.
People on Twitter are beating up Tino about having a journal. Marni says Tino acknowledged what he did, validated Rachel, and then apologized for his actions. When she doesn’t accept his apology she breaks up with him and then instantly regrets her actions. It was unnecessarily painful.
Sometimes people need to break up. All relationships are not meant to be. Chris reminds everyone the contestants are real people with real feelings. Most people, especially online, have disregarded Tino’s feelings. Did Tino just want to win and crush it? As one user observed, did he realize he wouldn’t become the Bachelor?
Rachel had a unique opportunity to be empathic and asked Tino what was going on. She could have questioned his motives for kissing the other girl, but she didn’t. Chris says Rachel took it personally and was angry. Neither Rachel nor Tino could regulate themselves or manage their emotions.
If you are going in a circle with your partner and can’t seem to resolve your issues, maybe it is time to do work independent of each other.
The producers of the show needed a hero so badly that they ignored all of Erich’s misgivings. Luckily Erich and Gabby seem like they like each other. Gabby appreciated Erich’s honesty and told him so. Rachel should have had a similar conversation with Tino.
Gabby accepts that Erich isn’t perfect but is still willing to have a relationship.
Compassion and forgiveness are the keys to love.
Make a Connection:
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Marni welcomes Eva Selhub into the Life Check Yourself Studio. Beyond having explanatory superpowers, Eva is a Board Certified Physician, Speaker, Scientist, Author, and Executive Leadership and Performance Coach who served as an Instructor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School. She specializes in Corporate Wellness and Resilience. She provides clients the guidance to use their powerful gifts to translate complex information and make it practical and usable.
Takeaways:
Six Pillars to Cultivating Resilience
How to make decisions in your best interest
Choosing joy and curiosity
Accepting the dark and light sides of ourselves
The Keys to Faith & the Mechanics of Resilience
In Eva’s books, she describes her struggles and how she looks at them as opportunities for growth, and change. It’s what resilience is all about, she says. Feeling knocked down for being a woman in academia, she found herself in a male-oriented, structured box. She recognized others were threatened by her and her ideas. They thought she was too much, too loud, too everything.
Eva says for her it is about growth, exploration, love, richness, curiosity, and creativity. She chose joy, and passion, and was smart about it.
Eva says the question of what we are supposed to be doing is a construct created by a man. In the past, men thought women were supposed to be domesticated, wear dresses, have children, and play a certain role.
Women can get caught up in doing everything they believe will help them get what they want, but do they really know what they want?
It’s important to honor and have compassion for your feelings, both positive and negative. In a negative mindset, we lose access to our acquired skill set and inherent tools. We lose access to the support that can raise us up and out of the negativity.
6 Pillars to Help Cultivate Resilience
Resilience is a double-edged sword. It has a dark side and a bright side. The dark side is burnout. It is when we keep getting hit over and over again (much like we did during the pandemic). The bright side of resilience is called flourishing, or a state of flow. Eva created the Six Pillars to Help Cultivate Resilience to help people understand how to make opportunities out of their struggles.
Ask yourself — Am I fueling myself to thrive or die?
The body whispers before it screams and it whispers through our senses.
Energy & Vibration Are Everything
If we believe in the law of attraction, or manifestation, then we know everything is about vibration, aka energy. Eva says if we want to find out why we might be stuck in old-seated beliefs that either come from our upbringing, meditations and healings can reprogram our underlying belief system until it no longer exists.
When we embrace the light we begin attracting different circumstances and relationships.
Make a Connection:
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Marni, Chris Gillis, and Dr. Emily discuss the emotional trainwreck that was last week’s Bachelorette. Beyond Rachel and Gabby needing therapy, they believe the guys who are left to be high-quality guys. Lessons strained out of the cold soup that was this episode include being realistic about what makes a good, long-term relationship and being present when important milestones are happening.
Takeaways from this episode:
Be clear about what you want early in a relationship
Always ask the follow-up question — What do you mean exactly?
How to spot a high-quality guy
Feeling lovable even when you have childhood trauma
It’s All About Expectations [1:30]
Marni points out that this episode brings to light something many people struggle with — Making sure the person they are interested in has the same expectations and is looking for the same thing as they are. And, the importance of always asking the follow-up question — What do you mean by that exactly?
During this episode, we find out that five of the six guys don’t want to be engaged. The contestants seem to believe that winning is what is important and the connection with the other person doesn’t seem to matter. Case in point, Rachel’s mind is melting because she just wants a proposal.
Sometimes we get attached to what we think we want and we are not being present to what is actually happening.
There are two seemingly high-quality guys making a reasonable ask of Rachel. They want to see where she lives first. Aven passionately says he is not rejecting Rachel but she doesn't seem to be listening to him. Rachel told her family she was not going home until she was engaged. Dr. Emily says Aven seemed like the perfect guy but Rachel rejected him because he wouldn’t decide within 48 hours.
Rachel needs some training on how to be empathetic, how to be more direct, and how to speak her needs without manipulating guys.
Conflict in a relationship can be healthy but you need to know how to get back to compatibility.
Gabby Can’t Prove She is Lovable [18:51]
Just the slightest bit of love and attention becomes overwhelming to Gabby. Even though she seems hell-bent on proving how unlovable she is, Dr. Emily says Gabby's identity is so tightly tied to her trauma and wounding that every action she takes is colored by her limiting core belief.
It’s impossible to find someone to fill the hole in your soul.
Gabby regurgitates her limiting beliefs too many times for her to ever break free of them. Chris says she may need too many hours of therapy before she can handle her 50% of a relationship.
Why Did Gabby and Rachel Not Find Love? [29:35]
Marni poses the question — Why did Rachel and Gabby end up with guys who are not ready to commit to a relationship?
Chris thinks it was rushed. He says that everyone loves Gabby but she can’t shake her issues of not knowing what to make of being loved. Marni thinks Rachel only chooses guys who choose her. It may feel safe to her because she knows the guys are already interested. Dr. Emily thinks Aven is a high-quality dude that Rachel isn’t ready for.
Be clear about what you want and ask for it early on in a relationship.
Make a Connection:
Marni welcomes Certified Master Coach Angie Hooper into the Life Check Studio to talk about letting things go. Angie shows professionals proven strategies to get to the roots of their stress, make values-based decisions, and make great relationships with their customers. She worked 20-plus years in corporate America for international publicly-traded companies. She shares how we can let go of past regrets, build mastery over stress, and unlock our intuition.
Takeaways from this episode:
The path to forgiveness
How to say I’m sorry
Transform a pain story into a hero’s story
Waiting for an apology is a waste of time
Is justice really revenge?
Angie created the forgiveness path when she was working with a client who was extremely angry at her ex-husband. The client couldn’t focus on the task at hand because a cloud of anger was getting in the way. Angie says we all may know that “forgive and forget” is commonly suggested during times of resentment; many people don’t realize how freeing it is.
Her client was putting all of her spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical energy into the past. It left very little energy left for the present or the future. She was giving someone else her power.
Our suffering does not impact the amount of suffering someone else endures.
Waiting for an Apology is a Waste of Time [13:19]
Waiting for an apology gives away control over our emotional state. We often give away our power to someone who has proven they don’t have our best interest at heart. They don’t deserve our power! When we get on the forgiveness path we pull back our power.
We judge apologies and the sincerity level of the apologizer.
When we are the injured party, insincere apologies can reinjure us. We judge the size of our pain against the size of the apology. When we do the forgiveness work we can make a clear decision about a path forward. A myth people have about forgiveness is thinking that it involves more than just them.
Angie says that a good way to get clear about what we need to forgive is to remember that the person we want to forgive probably remembers the same story differently.
Transform a pain story into a hero’s story.
Letting go of our need to be right will get us unstuck more deeply and faster than anything else we can do. We need to be willing to free ourselves by separating ourselves from our need to be right or win.
Make a Connection:
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Watch a free preview of The Leadership HABIT on Onest Network
Chris Gillis and Dr. Emily join Marni to talk about what could be the best episode of the Bachelorette in a decade. Marni was at the edge of her seat. When the characters don’t play by the rules it causes conflict and breaks the format in a new way. Gabby’s plan is upended by her own insecurities, Jason just wants followers, and Rachel doesn’t have an authentic bone in her body.
Takeaways from this episode:
Quit sabotaging your relationships
How to spot a player who thinks he is a quality casual.
Rachel becomes the female Clayton.
Don’t make excuses, just tell a guy you are not interested.
Gabby claims she is looking for a long-term relationship but she can’t seem to get out of her own way. While she recognizes her fear of being unlovable, she is creating her reality by wallowing in self-doubt.
Johnny and Jason are both out. Johnny freely admits he is a player who is not looking to be engaged. Jason, on the other hand, is a player who pretends he is a quality casual guy.
Chris’s theory is that Gabby got what was coming to her. She accepted the crumbs Jason tossed out and didn’t ask for more because she doesn’t feel worthy of love. She led with her guard up and almost predicted that guys would leave her and that is what is happening.
Gabby is a poster child for what not to do in dating.
Even though the internet doesn’t agree, Marni and Chris understand that Rachel is the female Clayton. Zach calls her inauthentic, probably because she oozes fakeness. She has led Zach on only to call him out about his age at the rose ceremony.
It is clear Rachel will not choose Zach. Dr. Emily questions what Rachel gets out of it and why she leads him on if she is not into him. Chris sternly advises women to not put a guy through that type of run-around. Don’t make lame excuses or put insincere obstacles in his way. Just be honest about how you feel and let a guy heal.
Rachel needs to get over herself. She wants everyone to be in love with her.
Rachel will probably choose Tino. Marni thinks he has been in love with Rachel since their first kiss.
Make a Connection:
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Marni welcomes Dr. Megan Rossi, aka The Gut Health Doctor, into the Life Check Yourself studio. As a Registered Dietician, Dr. Rossi is one of the most influential gut health specialists in the world. She is a nutritionist, a leading research fellow at King’s College in London, and the founder of the Gut Health Clinic. Her book, The Gut Health Doctor: An Easy-to-Digest Guide to Health from the Inside Out, is a must-read for those looking to be their best self.
Takeaways from this episode:
Nourishing the brain through the gut
Health benefits of pre and probiotics
Should we eat superfoods?
Tips for adding plants to a diet
How Food Connects to Our Emotional Wellbeing [2:10]
Nutrition has systemic benefits for every organ in our body. Gut bacteria do more than people realize. So what we feed them has a direct cause on how they can help us. Nutritionists today understand much better than in the past the connection between the gut and the brain. Hence the term gut instinct.
Food can not only taste amazing it can also do amazing things for the body.
Megan shares the key principles of her book, How to Eat More Plants, and explains the difference between prebiotics and probiotics.
30-Plant Points a Week [12:07]
Megan shares findings from a U.S. research study that found people who ate more than 30 different plants a week had better gut health than those that ate the same ten veggies on repeat. It didn’t matter if the person was a vegan or omnivore. It was the plant diversity that made the difference. Each different type of plant has hundreds of benefits for different gut bacteria.
If you only ate superfoods you would limit your bacterial diversity.
Tips for Adding Extra Plants to a Diet [22:19]
In her book, The Gut Health Doctor: An Easy-to-Digest Guide to Health from the Inside Out, Megan offers tips and tricks that help add more plants to a diet. It includes a 28-day plant challenge, how to consume legumes without bloating, and recipes that add plants to everyday meals without a hassle.
Make a Connection:
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How to Eat More Plants: Transform Your Health with 30 Plant-Based Foods per Week (and Why It’s Easier Than You Think)
Marni and Chris Gillis break down the ad-laden, commercial-driven, brand partner extravaganza that was this week’s Bachelorette. Fortunately, there were some important dating nuggets in the show for Marni to extract but for the most part, after watching viewers felt compelled to book a cruise with a Kardashian.
Takeaways from this episode:
Dating 101: Lead with you, not your children if you have them
Say what you feel when you feel it
Get rejection-proof
Men aren’t as well-versed in being emotionally vulnerable
During the episode, Gabby breaks up with Nate because she doesn’t want to be a mom or think she will be a good mom. Marni gives kudos to Nate for not trying to change Gabby’s mind. That is just not something you can change somebody’s mind about. Nate said that his daughter is his light and he wants someone who will share that. He wants someone who wants to be a mom.
But, in the past, Nate dated someone and didn’t tell them he had a kid. Chris asks Marni what a good time frame is for people dating to bring up their children and strategies for how to weave it into the conversation.
Marni shares why she loved Nate’s response when he was asked about it and her thoughts on DWC or Dating with Children.
If you have kids and are dating, lead with yourself.
What Are You Waiting For? [18:25]
Everyone, including the producers, is trying to make Logan a bad guy. All he did was regret not saying how he felt when he felt it. Should he have bowed out before the rose ceremony? Yes, probably. But, based on the preview for next week’s episode, Johnny and Jason are more guilty for not sharing what they are feeling. Will they really tell Gabby they are not ready for a relationship? They signed up for The Bachelorette!
Ladies, make sure the guy you are with has the same relationship goals.
Logan did leave the rose ceremony to go and talk with Gabby. Rachel took it personally. If Logan had told her before the ceremony, it wouldn’t have been such a huge deal. If you can date and be rejection-proof to the point of being rejected and knowing it is not about you, then you are gold.
Chris definitely has an issue with the double standards on the show. Tyler is feeling particularly safe and shows his vulnerability, only to be rejected by Rachel and then everyone asks if the girls are okay. The men need some support too. They are putting themselves out there and trying to be emotionally vulnerable. Chris says “give them a break.”
Reality TV audiences can be unforgiving when it comes to giving men a break after making relationship mistakes. Men are good at a lot of things but navigating emotional waters is difficult.
Make a Connection:
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Marni is joined by a client who had her entire life change in six months. Sherry was a self-proclaimed type-A perfectionist who would beat herself up. She admits that before last year’s Ignite Your Life event, she couldn’t envision how good her life could be. Now she has a partner who shares her vision.
Takeaways from this episode:
Inner child work
Raising the bar of what is possible
Becoming rejection-proof
Leaning into a vision
How to live courageously
Sherry says she had done a lot of personal development work before discovering the last Ignite Your Life 3-day workshop. She was not in a content place. She had been dating someone from work who ghosted her despite them seeing each other every day.
She couldn’t seem to let go of the hurt and rejection she felt. She was stuck. She knew she needed to get over it but couldn’t quite get there no matter how much she tried. She went to different coaches to try to shift things until she signed up for Ignite Your Life.
Sherry made a mental commitment to make the most of the program. She recalls Marni telling her the program would work if she allowed it to work. Marni made it clear that it was an internal job even though Sherry often sought external solutions.
Sherry admits to struggling with self-worth and self-confidence. She had previously been in a relationship with someone emotionally abusive, then was single for eight years. She had a fear of getting into a relationship and being trapped, coping strategies from her childhood.
Don’t look for an external solution for an internal job.
In Just Six Months, Sherry’s Life was Ignited [10:55]
Some people may sign up for the Ignite Your Life event with the sole purpose of attracting love and finding a partner. It was something Sherry often thought of. After the first day, Sherry realized it was bigger than that. It would be more about falling in love with herself, being comfortable in her skin, and becoming rejection-proof.
She created a profile on Match.com even though she was opposed to online dating. She decided to be open to everyone because she didn’t know if her old patterns were still leading her life. She knew she had to trust her intuition.
Sherry Life Checked Herself [21:45]
Marni asks Sherry to offer one piece of advice to other women, Sherry says to consider how mean you are to yourself. Are you showing up as a sum of your core wounds?
When we are in a place of limitation and have a low bar about what is possible we can’t see how good life can be.
Sherry now has a reference point and knows what her vision feels like in her body. Without the learnings, she gained from the event, everything would have felt out of reach. She became empowered to bridge the gap between where she was and where she wanted to go.
Make a Connection:
Join our Ignite Your Life event! Happening October 14‒16 2022! Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
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Marni is joined by Chris Gillis and Dr. Emily to discuss the Hometown episode of the Bachelorette. Everyone on the internet is wondering why this season is such a letdown. What started as somewhat interesting has turned into a car wreck. You don’t want to look but you can’t turn away. Let’s find out how Gabby and Rachel navigated their guys’ families on their turf.
Takeaways from this episode:
Each contestant has the option of visiting the hometown of four guys. Gabby only chose to do three hometowns and is making quite the stir about it. She never lets on about why she didn’t meet four families but it may imply she already knows who she is choosing as her partner.
Marni questions why two of the guys, Jason and Johnny, who got all the way to this point tell their parents they don't think they can marry Gabby in the near future. Gabby insists she is ready for a long-term relationship.
When you are ambivalent or unclear about your vision and core values you will attract people who are the same.
Gabby displays a pinkish flag when she asks Jason’s family if there is a side of Jason that she isn’t seeing. Dr. Emily points out that the three guys Gabby has chosen are vastly different types of guys. Is Gabby trying on different types of guys to see what fits her best?
Marni says Gabby is amazing and needs to get over her feelings of being broken.
Gabby tells Erich she is falling in love with him!
While Rachel took advantage of all four of her hometown opportunities, she should have saved Tyler time, energy, and heartbreak and skipped his. For their date, Tyler had all of his friends at the hot dog stand and Rachel tells him goodbye. Dr. Emily thinks Rachel wanted to be interested in Tyler but just couldn't get there.
It’s a bummer Tyler said I love you before Rachel broke up with him. Her communication skills definitely need some work. She is such a people pleaser she prolonged the news for much too long. She should have given Tyler a little more respect.
If a guy is great on paper but you are not into him and this happens over and over again, you need to Life Check Yourself!
Of the three guys left, Marni and Dr. Emily believe Rachel should choose Zach. He may be plain vanilla but he shows the most promise. But she is likely to choose Tino even after the somewhat defeating hometown visit with him.
Did Tino’s family know he went on a reality show? Considering they think the concept of a reality dating show is silly. Rachel reacts victimy and takes their comments personally choosing to believe that it is more about her than the concept.
Will Gabby bow out and leave the crown to Rachel?
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