Marni welcomes credentialed Life Coach, Hypnotherapist, Speaker, Personal Empowerment Expert, and Podcaster, Amy Green Smith to the show. Through her work, Amy helps move individuals to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-worth. She helps people find their voice in her guide, How to Find Your Voice Without Being a Dick. She is highly sought out because of her uncommon style of irreverence, wisdom, and humor.
Dating takeaways from this episode:
How to stop yourself from people-pleasing
Finding your voice and your truth
Direct communication skills
How women can speak up for themselves
Change the trajectory of your life
Amy says if we look at our biological makeup we are programmed to people-please in order to survive. Most of us have heard of the flight, fight, freeze, and fawn instincts. People-pleasing fits into the fawn defense. Fitting in is a fundamental human need because our ancestors needed a group to stay safe and survive. In modern times, it doesn't seem to make sense, but from childhood, we learn that people-pleasing is a safe behavioral tactic.
Finding our voice requires more than a quick fix. Amy says we must incorporate new patterns and habits to make the necessary wiring changes to our brains before we can experience true transformation.
Becoming aware that you are people-pleasing is the first step to finding your voice, but more importantly, you must take action to make a change.
How to Speak Up for Yourself Without Being A D*ck [14:03]
Amy reminds us that we cannot make someone feel something. 93% of our communication with another person is paraverbal and nonverbal, which leaves only 3% being the actual words we use. Heightening our emotional intelligence is the path forward when speaking up for ourselves. We must learn to be OK with someone else feeling something different than what we feel.
You are responsible for your intention, not your reception.
When we speak out of malice, are more combative, or we people-please, we are reacting to a sense of threat. We feel like we are in danger so we revert to what we feel will keep us safe. We must be sure we are in a safe situation; then we can be clear about our truth.
Hypnotherapy [29:49]
As part of her personal empowerment work, Amy uses hypnotherapy to reprogram the limiting inner critic most of us have. Slowing down our brain waves allows us to embed new belief systems that better serve us.
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