Marni welcomes Tiffany into the Den to get some guidance on how to step up her dating game and to let go of the anxiety dating a new guy brings into her life. Tiffany shares the personal details of her latest encounter with a guy she has been dating for three weeks.
Ladies, if you have any anxiety around dating this call is an important one. It can help you step out of old patterns and find the right guy for you.
Is This Guy Just Like Every Other Guy? [2:06]
The guys Tiffany normally dates follow a similar pattern. They are hot and heavy and make it all about her early on and then they back off without her knowing why. The guy she is currently dating has just backed off after she sent a text questioning his interest. When he didn't respond in the way she wanted, she started worrying that he was about to back off too.
Could This Have Something To Do with Me? [8:00]
First things first, remember ladies it is always about you and not about the guy. Tiffany is replaying a childhood issue of abandonment over and over again in her relationships. When she is single she is fine and can take care of herself, but when she starts dating she is triggered and gets anxious,because she isn’t in 100% control of what is going to happen.
In general, if a guy thinks he is responsible for someone else’s self-love and emotional wholeness he’s going to back off.
Until we deal with our core abandonment issues we should pull a ‘Costanza’ and do the opposite of what first comes to our mind.
When you feel yourself drift into scared and anxious:
Men say what they mean and mean what they say so listen to them when they talk to you.
Takeaways & Next Steps for Tiffany [24:37]
Now that Tiffany realizes she may be reliving her childhood abandonment issues in her dating life, she can take the steps to heal and start to finally attract a different type of guy.
Marni gives her strategies for sending healthy text messages and inquiries if a future guy starts to ghost her or if she just feels as if the relationship isn’t giving her what she wants for her life.
Tip: If a man gives you a disclaimer, listen to him. He means what he says!
Make a Connection:
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Marni welcomes Communications Expert Shola Kaye into the den to share her personal experience of overcoming fear and quietness to become a communications coach, public speaker, and professional singer.
Shola’s work has been featured in Harper’s Bazaar, Marie Claire, Forbes, and on the BBC. Her mission is to help women become powerful communicators, build businesses, careers, and relationships using speaking as a tool. She is the author of How to Be A D.I.V.A. at Public Speaking and her new book, Speak Up on the Spot.
Shola’s Personal Development Journey [3:01]
Shola had always viewed herself as an introvert. Originally from the UK, she found herself working as an Account Manager in the US. She knew she was quieter and always felt tongue-tied as compared to her US colleagues. She didn't have the confidence to share her ideas. And, in our show and tell society people who don't speak up can get lost, or hide. When she was let go from a temporary contract job because of her communication skills, she knew it was time to go on a personal development journey.
Shola’s quiet demeanor even impacted her dating. Guys just assumed that because she was quiet she didn't have an opinion. Her relationships would normally end with her blowing up because she was offended by something a guy did when she had never told him it bothered her.
If Shola’s story resonates with you, know that you can be empowered to become an effective communicator.
The D.I.V.A. Framework [8:30]
In her book, How to Be a D.I.V.A. of Public Speaking, Shola created a framework to help women know when they may be over or under sharing.
Dynamic
Inspiring
Valuable
Authentic
Shola says some people have difficulty being dynamic in their communications because they fear of being judged or they fear not getting the response they intended to get.
To be more engaging and dynamic practice interacting with people more. If it’s a presentation at work, ask questions from the group. If you are on a date, be playful and ask light-hearted questions. In both cases, a little bit of humor can go a long way.
Flex your communication muscle by doing one thing every day to get you out of your comfort zone.
How to Overcome Fear & Be Your Authentic Self [18:36]
Shola works with clients to understand fully who they are, what they can be, and how they can be ‘that’ in any situation. She says it’s important to be proactive about who you can be.
She created the 10-10-10 exercise to help get women out of their negative self talk. Do this when you start falling into negative thinking:
Tip: Stuck in your head? Squeeze your butt cheeks together to bring you back to the present and slow your thoughts down!
How to Be a Good Communicator & Stay in Your Feminine [22:34]
In the workplace, many women believe that in order to compete they need to stay in their masculine but in dating this can lead to disaster. Men are with women for the softness. If we are tough all the time it makes it difficult for a man to take the masculine role and really care for us.
To exhibit your softer side, two good habits are:
Make a Connection:
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Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
Do you resonate with wanting someone who doesn’t want you?
Nicole visits the Dating Den today to ask Marni for guidance on how she can move past her current crush. For over a year she has wanted more yet he refuses to give any more than necessary to keep her around. She wants to find a guy she can have a fulfilling relationship with and who fits into her vision of the future.
The Backstory [2:16]
Nicole met Adam at the gym. He was often busy or had an excuse for why he couldn’t go out with her so she got the hint early on that he wasn't interested. But, when she started dating someone else he called her and started paying more attention to her. Then again after three weeks of him canceling dates, the relationship fizzled. They continue to have sex and stay over at each other’s houses but he shows up when he wants or when he needs something, not when she needs something.
It bothers her when she asks him to do something and he puts her off.
Why Nicole Sets Herself Up to Be Rejected [7:39]
She was hopeful, but also a little scared about asking Adam on a day trip. She wanted to share some special time with him but she knew he would probably say he was busy. She mentally prepared herself to be disappointed because he often lets her down.
Marni discovers that there is a pattern in Nicole’s life of asking for things and then being disappointed. When she was younger, she would ask her mom for things but would often get disappointed. She believed it wasn't fair so she continued to ask until she got her way. She internalized the experience as rejection, yet she persisted.
The role we take on in our early family life often bleeds into our adult life. Nicole is still trying to get her mom to say yes and to love her. She is staying in a space that is comfortable and familiar to her. Her younger brain is in control and she is addicted to rejection. This makes Adam her perfect dysfunctional partner. He leaves a trail of emotional crumbs and she feels connected with him when she picks them up. He gives her an opportunity to be of service.
Have you tried something over and over even though you know it doesn’t work? It may be because you don’t know any other way to address the situation.
How Nicole Can Get Real Connection[26:29]
In order for Nicole to achieve feelings of validation and connection instead of rejection and disappointment, she needs to recognize her patterns and ask herself high-quality questions when she feels like contacting Adam. She should make sure her actions allow her to stay committed to her visions of being in a healthy relationship within the next year.
When she shifts her beliefs and actions she will attract men that are connected to her values. Beginning a good relationship shouldn’t be hard.
Remember ladies, date with dignity!
Make a Connection:
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Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
Do you refuse to date a guy because he doesn’t make six figures?
Will your Mr. Right to take care of all of your debt?
Ladies, money and love go hand-in-hand in the den today. My guest, Kiné Corder has over 20-years experience in the field of finance, she is a financial therapist and she is the host of the Prosperity Report podcast. She is also a bestselling author, a sought-after international speaker, she has been on Good Morning America, Oprah, and Entertainment Tonight. Her wellness company just launched the ‘Presidential Lifestyle’ to help couples become a winning team in love, life, and money.
Can Money Really Buy Happiness? [4:23]
Technically yes, money can buy happiness but Kiné says, "There is a dollar sign associated with almost everything we want or need. It's the knowing what will actually make us happy that is the hard part." Getting some financial therapy can be a great way to drill down to figure out what happiness means to you and then help you to go out and grab prosperity.
The phrase ‘money can’t buy happiness’ is used so often that many people get confused about the role money plays in their lives. When people do get money they buy things that don't make them happy just to align with the programming they received about money from their parents or early influencers.
It is possible to shift your financial mindset.
Women Can Be Successful in Business & in Love [6:50]
Ladies, you can have it all just not at the same time. Everyone wants to have it all but do you really want to juggle everything at the same time. Kiné warns that if you are leaning into your profession, then you are leaning away from something else. Don't lean so far you tip over.
Are you an ambitious, independent woman who doesn’t realize she is pushing men away? Men don't marry the independent woman they just stay for a while because they are intrigued by her. Men want to share their life with a responsible woman. They want women to support them in their goals.
What is Your Money Personality? [13:34]
It’s important to recognize your money personality because it will impact how you choose a man.
There are 5 Key Elements of the Money Cycle:
● Earn
● Grow
● Protect
● Gift
● Enjoy
And, There are 7 Money Mentality Types:
● The Spender
● The Saver
● The Blamer
● The Enthusiast
● The Hero
● The Artist
● The President
How you handle money is closely related to how you give and receive love. If you want to find out which archetype you are take the online money quiz on Kiné’s website.
Love Tip - The right guy should share your values about money. It’s not all about the dollar signs.
Strategies for Healthy Money Communications [26:43]
It’s okay to have conversations about money early in a relationship, says Kiné. The more vulnerable and trusting you about your values, love and financial, the better your relationship will be.
6-Steps to having healthy conversations about money:
1. Learn your Money Mentality
2. Discover your idea of prosperity
3. Be a lifelong learner
4. Have a money day once a month
5. Delegate challenges and lean on your strengths
6. What you focus on expands
Be sure to open up about your debt too. It is perfectly normal to have healthy debt. Shift your old programming and learn for yourself what the best financial strategy for you is.
Shared values are imperative for a relationship to succeed.
Make a Connection:
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Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
Ladies this show will help you take action and gain the understanding that organizing your space makes a difference in your ability to create love in your life.
My guest today, Lisa Woodruff is the Founder of Organize 365, Creator of the 100-Day Home Organization Program, and The Sunday Basket Workshops. She is also the author of the books, The Mindset of Organization: Take Back Your House One Phase at a Time and How ADHD Affects Home Organization and the Hostess of the Organize 365 Podcast.
She helps women reclaim their homes and their lives!
Taking Charge of Your Organizational Skills [4:09]
It’s all about mindset. Lisa says, “Typically your outer world is reflective of your inner world.” If you are struggling in love know that you may be holding on to stuff based on the future you thought you would have.
It's all about the internal work. Do you use a disorganized house as an excuse for not dating? The excuse serves as a reason for you not to be vulnerable and let someone in. When you get your place clutter-free and exactly how you want it, then what?
Emotional and environmental reasons are the two biggest reasons single people don't throw stuff away. There is a lot of stuff that can’t be recycled. It's an environmental issue.
You may not know how to let go of possessions because they also serve as your memories.
The Best Rooms to Organize First [10:30]
The Kitchen or the Master Closet is the best place to start taking control of your life. As a professional organizer, Lisa starts with a client by spending 15 minutes on removing everything from a single drawer in the kitchen. They take everything out of the drawer, consider its usefulness, and get rid of whatever doesn’t make an impact in their lives. Then, they move to the closet and start with the shoes. The goal is for you to come home and enjoy yourself, your house, and your life.
How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Couples Who Combine Households [13:41]
The number one issue when a couple moves in together is making sure there is even territory. A new home is easier for couples to move into because decisions about the spaces are done together. It may be more difficult when one person moves into an existing home that the other person has occupied. In this case, Lisa recommends getting a storage unit when making the initial move, especially if there are kids involved.
Then, go space by space and discuss as a couple who will be using the space more frequently and defer to them for the tools and supplies they need in that space. It's really important that each person in the house have their own space.
Strategies, Tips, and Tricks to Overcome Excuses [21:01]
If you are making excuses for why you are not de-cluttering your life consider, has there ever been anyone in your situation who has done what you want to do? If someone has done it, then there is no excuse for you not doing it. It can be done!
Lisa’s 100-Day Organizational Program was designed to go beyond surface de-cluttering. It teaches discipline. She recommends starting in the Master Bath or the Laundry Room. Go in for 15 minutes every single day until there is nothing left to do. Once you have one done room move to the next. It doesn't matter how long it takes you because you are learning the discipline of decluttering and organizing. You are pushing yourself through the hard stuff.
And, her trademark, Sunday Basket is an organizational system for all the household paper in your life. It could be letters from school, bills, reminders, etc. It's a box that sits on your kitchen counter and everything goes in the box. Handle all of those responsibilities on one day instead of letting papers pile up.
Walk through your house as if you are going to put it on the market.
Make a Connection:
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Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
Mike Goldstein is back in the den for updated online dating advice. He is a successful private, one-on-one dating coach who has gotten 83% of his clients into a relationship! He is a public speaker, an author and has been featured on The Today Show, in Readers Digest and Shape Magazine. His unique methods for analyzing data from multiple online dating sites ensures his clients are in the top 5 % of successful daters. Ladies, heed this man’s advice!
How to Find Someone You Like on Match [2:41]
Mike says all of his methods are based on math and science. It’s basically a numbers game. With his 50/12/1 rule, the woman sends out 50 emails to men based on their profile picture. 12 men normally respond and then she chooses the 1 she likes best from the responses.
Having a quick, 10-minute phone call can help ease a woman’s mind if she doesn’t feel comfortable yet. After that, let the man know you are ready to go on the date. Mike says to limit dating to one good date a week though to avoid confusion.
Men want to know what the endgame is and are happy to get to the date as soon as possible, so ask him out!
Playing the Game & Getting the Info [11:53]
Ladies, once you get to the date enjoy yourself. Be honest and if you had a good time end the date with a heartfelt thank you and tell the guy that you had a great time. And then, DO NOTHING! Don’t text him later, don’t call him, don’t do anything. Mike says this is important information gathering time. You will find out if he likes you and how much by waiting him out.
Online Dating Photos and the Profile [17:58]
The most important thing about your photos and possibly your entire profile is that your face should only fill 8-15% of the picture box. If you have 6 amazing photos and one lifestyle photo that is enough for the guy to figure out if he is attracted to you. He checks out your photos first and then reads your profile if he is attracted.
It is key to be specific in your profile. A man wants stats, clear information, easy to understand pieces of information. Ladies, don’t use adjectives to describe yourself! Again, be specific. Try starting a sentence would be ‘A typical Friday night would be…’.
So, How Should I Respond? [36:49]
The goal of online dating is to find love and you may not have time to respond to every message. If you feel like every message deserves a response, Mike recommends crafting a simple ‘this isn’t a good fit’ reply message you can copy and paste as needed.
And, don’t get caught in the texting loop. If you are looking for love you don’t have time to waste on a guy who won’t pull the trigger.
Men are the gas women are brakes in a relationship.
Make a Connection:
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
If you’ve ever wondered why you’re still single… why you don’t have a great guy that treats you like a priority and makes you feel beautiful and loved and safe…
If you have no idea why the guys you attract don’t show up for you the way you want… or why the guys you date disappear or are afraid to commit…
I have something Uh-Maze-ing for you!
In the den today, the amazingly insightful Dr. Margaret Paul explains how we can create intimate connections based on how we feel about ourselves. And why has lead you to places you don’t want to be.
If you’re a smart, badass woman that wants an epic relationship, (and I know you are), you can’t afford to miss this life-changing episode of The Dating Den!
Dr. Paul is a best-selling author and co-creator of the Inner Bonding Self-Healing process and creator of the online Self Quest Healing Program. She has been a guest on Oprah, and her new book, Diet for Divine Connection is available now.
Blending Psychology & Spirituality Through Inner Bonding [3:05]
Inner Bonding shows you how to get to know who they really are, your soul essence. It also uncovers limiting beliefs so that you can achieve a higher love.
Dr. Paul says that most of us grew up with parents who didn’t have a connection with their higher self. So, we were never taught how to access our spirituality.
In dating, we attract in our common level of woundedness or common level of self-love. If we don’t know how to love ourselves or we abandon ourselves, we attract people who do the same thing. If we don’t have self-love we look for someone to make us feel okay.
4 Things That Keep You From Getting the Guy You Want [6:01]
Ladies, even if you feel like you have it all together you may be neglecting yourself emotionally.
Ask yourself these four questions:
When we abandon ourselves we feel empty and we try to get love through control. But when we are filled up with love, then we have lots of love to share.
Send out good vibes and you’ll get good vibes in return!
The 6 Steps of Inner Bonding [15:21]
It may not be easy to put these steps into practice but there is a relief when we are connected to our higher self.
Dating can be fun when used as part of your learning experience.
Diet for a Divine Connection [25:51]
Dr. Paul’s new book is a philosophy-based, diet guide that helps people find high-frequency foods that allow them to tune into their bodies. For the reader, it provides a complete understanding of how to take responsibility for themselves emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally.
The first part of the book focuses on micro-biomes because an unbalanced gut can cause anxiety and depression. The second part of the book shows the relationship between inner bonding and eating.
Pick up your inner child and love them with compassion.
Make a Connection:
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
Inner Bonding — Dr. Margaret Paul
Diet for Divine Connection: Beyond Junk Foods and Junk Thoughts to At-Will Spiritual Connection
In the den today, a master architect of rewiring the brain. Sherrie Toews has been a licensed therapist in California for 25 years. She works with me on the elite program, 5 Keys to Being Irresistible. Sheri focuses in on what is causing people to be stuck and creates a fool proof plan detailing how they can break through and acquire the skills to maintain a lifestyle shift.
Why Are We Addicted to Drama? [3:50]
At the root of being addicted to drama are deep-seated fears and insecurities from childhood. What didn't go well for you in childhood created your current self-limiting beliefs. Maybe you developed a tolerance for chaos but it still makes you feel emotionally unsafe. In a relationship this shows up when you overreact to normal fears, or bumps, in a relationship.
You can take back control of your life!
How to Overcome the Addiction [10:52]
Our brains fire chemical impulses constantly but the brain doesn't recognize the difference in bad stimulation and good stimulation. To the brain, any stimulation is good stimulation. If you grew up in a chaotic environment your brain got wired to want the chaos.
When the brain is craving stimulation it will text, call or go see the person you know you shouldn't.
3 Ways to Up Your Self-Esteem and Retrain Your Brain:
Get used to feeling grounded and safe!
Signs You Are Addicted to Drama [17:07]
The brain wants its next hit of Cortisol or Adrenaline so you will create an environment where it is likely to get it. If you relate to doing any of the things on the list below you may be addicted to drama.
The emotional roller-coaster is exhausting but you don’t have any frame of reference of a good relationship.
Create Your Own Emotional Safety Everyday [25:55]
Do you look to men to make you feel safe? Someone else can’t make you feel emotionally safe or good enough. It is time to heal those wounds and build trust within yourself. You are worthy of love and respect!
Take control of your love life.
Make a Connection:
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
In the den today, proof that it is possible to change your brain to create results to bring love into your life! Marni speaks with Psychologist, Dr. Rick Hanson about how to use good things to manifest more good things in simple, daily steps.
Dr. Hanson is the New York Times bestselling author of Hardwiring Happiness and Buddhist Brain. He is the host of the Being Well Podcast and his Being Well Program demonstrates how to use positive neuroplasticity to grow skills and strengths like resilience and self-compassion.
How to Change Your Brain [3:25]
Dr. Rick says that life turns out the way it does based on a combination of 3 factors:
Make a Connection:
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Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
Ladies, are you super frustrated with men right now?
Would you like to deepen your ability to connect with them?
In the den today, a man who is multilingual. He speaks both man and woman. Robert Kandell is a veteran who after spending time in Corporate America, went on to build an eight-figure business based on relationship, intimacy & sexuality.
He's a teacher, coach, and lecturer whose mission has been to help men find themselves and use their internal power to live their best life. He is the host of the Tuff Love Podcast and his book, unHIDDEN: A Book for Men and Those Confused by Them is soon to be released.
Why Men Hide Their Sensitive Side [2:45]
Robert says it's a tough time to be a man. People put a lot of expectations on men today. It creates a society of silence where men are taught to play small and to hide their feelings. There is no space for them to discuss their challenges. Men get a lot of confusing information.
Men don't have the emotional acumen or awareness to know when to bring a mix of their masculine and feminine sides to the conversation.
How a Woman Can Create a Deeper Connection with a Man [6:41]
If a man is willing to explore his feelings, he's a keeper. A man needs to feel safe before he is willing to share. Women can make a man feel safe by telling him she is ready to explore, expand and grow with him. But, she needs to make sure she doesn't become a coach to the man.
How Can Women Support Men Through the Me Too Movement? [9:43]
Men have been seeing programs for changes for women since the 1970's. But on the flip side, the powers that be didn't create complimentary programs for men to help them deal with intimacy and emotional intelligence. Girls went through and up-leveling and the unintended side effect was that programs for boys became stagnant.
The Me Too movement gave women permission to release all the rage that has been underneath the surface for generations. And, instead of men stepping up to the challenge of meeting a modern woman they decided to stand aside.
Women need to forgive the past trespasses of the patriarchy. Forgiveness can bring re-connection and intimacy!
What Does a Modern, Healthy Relationship Even Look Like? [20:16]
Robert says the way to build a modern, strong couple is:
1. Patience is important! Yelling 'Man Up' doesn't promote growth in a relationship.
2. Reward and approval instead of punishment for evolutionary changes.
3. Use humor and curiosity together.
If you are looking for a man who will give you what you need, set your boundaries. Know going in what you will put up with. Women tend to have scarcity, limit their beliefs and bypass their boundaries when dating. Create a high bar for men. If you set your bar high you tend to attract men at that level when you set bar low, you will attract a lower level man.
Men don’t think like women. Don’t get mad at a man for not acting or reacting like your girlfriends do.
Make a Connection:
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
In the den today, we empower single mommies to get out there and get the money they deserve, and the sex they really want without any shame.
Today’s guest, Emma Johnson is an award-winning financial journalist, podcaster, and author. Her book, The Kick-Ass Single Mom is THE ultimate resource for single mothers who are unsure of how to navigate the new waters they are swimming in. It guides women through achieving financial independence, positive parenting, co-parenting, healthy dating and how they can thrive as a professional, single mom.
Dating for Single Moms [10:29]
Where is it written that moms are not supposed to date? Embracing your womanhood after a broken relationship can be empowering and fun. It isn’t shameful for a single mom to date, enjoy her body or have sex. So ladies, embrace your humanity. It will be expressed to your kids in a positive way.
Remember, dating is not about finding a husband. Do not be shamed socially for having your own identity. Women should take pleasure in the fact that they are educated, and have the right to create their own happiness.
Marriage is a Risk for a Woman [17:58]
Emma answers the basic questions single mothers have about getting married again, financial impacts, and how men react to a woman’s success. She says women downplay the fact that they are able to have it all. It’s all about women owning their own lives and not focusing on external forces.
Make it work based on what you want for yourself, not what is expected of you.
How a Single Mommy Can Handle it All [25:24]
Everything else will fall into place if single moms make these three things a priority:
1. Assess where their time, energy and money are going
2. Outsource stuff and focus on running their businesses
3. Take care of themselves
Whatever your hang up is get out there and get over it.
Truth: Men love pussy more than you hate your body!
Make a Connection:
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Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates
In the den today, we discuss loving ourselves for who we are, appreciating the spectacularly ordinary things about life and living in the present. If you struggle with always wanting more and never being satisfied this episode will get you started on your path to enoughness.
Today’s guest, Geneen Roth is the author of ten books including three New York Times bestsellers. She works with people on their body image issues during retreats and has been featured on the View, Oprah, the Today Show and more. She is the Guru of Gratitude and the Siren of Satisfaction.
Janene Shares Her Personal Struggle [4:28]
Janene struggled with her weight and with food for many years starting at the tender age of 11. She always felt fat and repulsive. Then she realized it wasn't really about the food. Food was just her way of expressing her internal self-loathing and the belief that she was repulsive. At her core, she believed she was unlovable and damaged.
She would radically change her diet, switching from coffee and cigarettes to Atkins to Weight Watchers. All she really wanted was to relax and love herself but instead, she used food to express her lack of self-worth and self-respect.
If I (fill in the blank) Then I Will... [7:44]
Not everyone has a challenge with food but everybody has the 'if...then' mentality. Janene says it is a human dilemma that displays our inability to be in the present moment. Our minds are always projecting and living forward. The challenge for us is to learn how to show up today.
So, how do we move from fixing ourselves to finding ourselves? Janene advises us to stop where we are, take a breath and become aware of who and where we are. In her new book, This Messy Magnificent Life: A Field Guide, Janene writes about disengaging from our judgemental voices. Our judgemental voices are not our friends. We should ask ourselves ‘what is not wrong right now?’.
98% of us are worrying about the future instead of appreciating now.
Practicing Gratitude [24:05]
Being grateful for the ordinary, unremarkable moments in life is a surefire way to finding joy in our everyday lives. When we ask ourselves ‘what isn’t wrong right now’ we start to appreciate all the things that are right.
In our quick-fix culture, everyone seems to want everything right now. But, changing the way we think requires more than a one-time effort. Janene says we need to take small, daily steps to become comfortable with a new practice. It’s all a process in This Messy Magnificent Life.
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In the den today, How to integrate a healthy, time-proven macrobiotic diet into your existing lifestyle.
Today’s guest, Denny Waxman is a global leader in macrobiotic education. Through the Strengthening Institute he has researched the diets of humans throughout history. The one consistent reality he found in past civilizations is easily digestible whole grains and vegetables are the keys to a healthy diet.
Denny is an internationally recognized Teacher, Counselor, and Writer on health, natural healing and macrobiotics, He has empowered thousands of clients with the ability to overcome a variety of health issues including low energy and infertility. He also works with people who have cancer, type 2 diabetes, heart problems, and obesity.
What is a Macrobiotic Diet? [2:53]
When Denny’s team researched eating patterns from all over the world every culture had similarities. People have always subsisted on grains, beans, fruits and mushrooms. And, since human bodies run on glucose we need carbs. There are healthy, unrefined carbohydrates that are friendly to the body but you may not find them in a pastry.
When people say macrobiotics is a fad diet it false because it is the only way of eating that is not a fad. It's simply recorded history.
Grain eating people everywhere on the planet are thin.
Mindful Self Care Winds Back Our Biological Clock [5:45]
With a healthy diet and lifestyle practices we can literally turn back our biological clocks. If we take care of our body’s largest organ, our skin, when it renews itself every month it will serve us well for many, many years. One practice Denny recommends is rubbing the skin gently with a warm cloth to enhance circulation.
Date Foods to Reduce Bloating [19:04]
It seems to go against everything we hear in the media today but Denny says traditional Italian primavera pasta, salads, soups, and mexican foods are the best options to order on a date. Why? Because they digest easily and don’t cause that yucky bloated feeling.
When in doubt, start with a soup. Soup activates digestion and can smooth the digestive process. Plus it’s filling so we feel satisfied.
Healthy foods have complete and balanced nourishment. Healthy habits beget healthy habits!
But I’m too Busy to Cook, What Can I Do to Be Healthier? [23:17]
It’s better overall to slow down and cook a healthy meal but busy women don’t always have the time. Denny says there are healthy restaurant options, canned, organic beans, and fresh take-out options.
Healthy food choices include:
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In the den today, insights that will change the way you date!
Returning guest, Jordan Harbinger creates the life he wants to live. He offers up advice on how to deal with rejection and why it is important to trust your gut.
Jordan has been called the Larry King of podcasting but of course is younger and much better looking. He is a Social Dynamics Expert. As host of The Jordan Harbinger Show, he deconstructs the playbook of super successful people and translates it into practical, consumable pieces for those who want to learn and live the life they desire.
Listen to Your Gut [9:25]
Jordan compares his previous career break to a relationship going sour. He knew he should leave his past career but his future was uncertain. He didn't have a clear plan and was apprehensive about 'losing' what he had. Then when things started to get really bad and an amicable split was impossible, he drew on his family and friends for emotional support and successful entrepreneurs for business advice.
Make a list of your assets and what you bring to the table to reflect upon when you need encouragement.
Are You Really Being Rejected? [20:50]
If you go out with someone a few times and you like them but they don’t like you in the same way it can feel like rejection. But, rejection seems to only happen early in a relationship when we get hung up on a person. Rejection is just an illusion of having a deeper relationship than what actually exists. Sometimes, we feel rejected but the other person just has a shallow filter. Kind of like when you limit your dating to only tall guys. It’s not that short guys aren’t a good fit for you, it’s that you never give them a chance.
Men stop contacting a woman for a variety of reasons. It is not because there is anything wrong with the woman. Men either aren’t ready for a relationship at that time in their life or the woman just isn’t a good fit.
Guys want to settle down at different times. It has little to do with women.
Baggage Claim - Lose Your Luggage [30:50]
Jordan says women should be able to go out and have a good time on a date without constantly bringing up their past relationships. It can be overwhelming for a man to hear about a date’s past relationships when he just wants to have a drink and have fun.
Ladies, let your guard down! Don’t put your shield up if no one is attacking you.
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The World’s Best Sex Educator is in the den!
Today’s guest, Lou Paget has been researching human sexuality for over decades. In the early 1990's, she began organizing women's focus groups on sex. She “turns on” the world with accurate information about sex. She facilitates seminars, educates people on the merits of sexual forrays, fantasies, fallacies and fears in a safe and open forum. Her books include, How to Be a Great Lover, and How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure: Totally Explicit Techniques Every Woman Wants Her Man to Know. She has been featured in Cosmo, GQ, Jane, Real Sex TV and now she’s with Marni in the den.
What’s Up with 69? [6:59]
Lou says, the issue with 69 is that it takes women so much effort to drop off all outside stimuli to just focus on the physical. A 69 makes it hard to focus because there are so many things happening at once. Men are into it because they see it in porn, and in magazines. They have been programmed to like it.
Use 69 as foreplay and make the main course something more intimate.
The Biggest Questions Women Have About Sex [10:06]
If you are wondering why you can’t reach orgasm during intercourse you are not alone. It’s not like in the movies where couples always climax simultaneously. If you want to climax manual or oral stimulation is best. Women are more likely to reach orgasm when they are on top.
And, if you want a man to do what feels good to you, learn what you enjoy. Be open-minded about trying new things. If you want to try adult toys, ask your partner if they are open to the idea. Don’t be shy, it’s just sex.
Only about 20% of women orgasm during intercourse!
Trends in Sexual Health [23:33]
Stem cells occur naturally in the body but the use of them for sexual health is very trendy right now. Lou says if a woman has lost elasticity in her clitoris or labia during menopause, stem cells or platelet-rich plasma (PRP’s) can be injected locally to bring back the fullness of tissue and improve bladder control function. Men can use stem cells to alleviate erectile issues.
Erectile Dysfunction is Real [27:43]
For men over 40, erectile dysfunction is a very real condition that can make having an erection iffy. If they are stressed, on medication or not frequently masturbating it will be something a female partner needs to consider. The use of antidepressants can cause sexual dysfunction for both men and women.
Don’t let erectile dysfunction stop your sexual fulfillment. Touching can be as arousing as penetration. There are many other ways to achieve sexual intimacy.
You don’t have to have intercourse in order to be satisfied sexually.
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Lou Paget Books
Breaking up is a big deal. Are you doing it for the right reasons?
Have you had just about enough of his inability to talk about your relationship goals?
During this coaching session, Marni works Erin through her indecisiveness about breaking up her one-and-a-half year relationship with a nice guy. Because, it's normal to feel confident and decisive and then face fear and uncertainty.
We all have to make decisions, acknowledge the pain of change and to move on from it in the healthiest way to learn and grow from it.
The Relationship Backstory [2:42]
The guy Erin dated for approximately one-and-a-half years was unable and unwilling to share. He didn’t understand why she wanted changes in the relationship when he wanted things to stay the same. She had to make a decision to stay in the relationship and play small or get out.
Honest and open dialogue was the value piece that was missing from their relationship. It was a deal breaker and a core value for her. Her ex had a pattern of avoidance. He would get defensive and to mask the pain he would put it back on her. Bottom line, he is emotionally unavailable.
Do you feel you have to mute who you are to avoid conflicts in your relationship?
How to Work Through Communication Issues [12:55]
Marni recognized that during the couples conversations they would skip understanding each other’s feelings and would head straight from strategy. Erin would go into coaching, teaching, and fixing but her feelings never became part of the conversation. It always became geared toward her ex.
Erin realizes she would have an expectation that they would spend time together but would never gain agreement from her ex that they had a concrete plan. She would feel like she wasn’t important to him.
Erin wanted to hear that she was important to him and that he wanted to spend time with her. In the future to connect to shared values or to have a common desire with a partner she should have a curiosity conversation to find out how he feels.
Her relationship was missing these three non-negotiables:
1. The common value of open communication and dialogue.
2. No one took responsibility.
3. There were no common relationship goals.
Why He Isn’t the Guy for Erin [27:01]
Erin has a strong desire for growth and she needs a partner who can talk through conflict.
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Do you cringe at the thought of telling your new guy how much you like him?
Have you ever held something in your heart but been unable to speak it out loud?
Has someone hurt you and ten years later you wish you would have said something?
Well, today’s guest, Tristan Coopersmith, is here to help us connect and amplify our inner voices to create an authentic life. Tristan helps people unlock and unleash their true voice.
She is a licensed psychotherapist and a creative guide who helps women heal and release their past wounds so they can be free to identify, explore and share who they are. She is the Founder of Life Lab, a women's self-development sanctuary in Hermosa Beach. She conducts classes on self-love, self-awareness and personal growth. Her book, Menu Dating: Taste-Test Your Way to the Main Course is a must-have dating guide.
Our Voice is Our Portal to Freedom [4:57]
Tristan believes if we can completely unlock and fall in love with our voice, and believe that it's meant to be heard all barriers are eliminated. She says, our inner voice is our inner knowing. It's the voice you hear when your eyes are closed and your gut tells you it’s the truth. It is this voice woman tend to be scared to listen to. Women often quiet their inner voice but we should be embracing it and using it to guide us through life.
If you want to connect to your inner voice when you are indecisive, flip a coin.
Effectively Expressing Our Truths [10:39]
Listening to our inner voice and translating it into our outer voice is an actual skill. It doesn’t matter how old we are if we have never learned how to do it we will have difficulty expressing ourselves.
When our communications chakra is developed in between the ages of seven and twelve, it sets the stage for the rest of our lives. If we only hear no, no, no it can have a big impact on if we believe if speaking our voice really matters.
Dismantling Communication Blocks [13:34]
If we try to avoid conflict in the outside world we only create a conflict within ourselves. Most of us have 5 or 6 core values that we base our decisions on. When someone doesn’t honor our core values we get shaken up on the inside.
Tristan says if something has offended you, consider if it goes against one of your core values and how long will it actually bother you.
Stepping Into Integrity and Speaking Your Mind [17:51]
We can't fix other people we can only speak our truths. Tristan says it is important not to take on someone else's issue on as our own. It is easy to create stories about our worth based on other peoples actions. But, it's not healthy. We can only speak up for what we want with integrity based on our core values.
Bring forth apologies from a place of authenticity, not from a place of not feeling worthy.
Tap into your inner voice and say what you mean without being apologetic for it. Authenticity is attractive and it feels good!
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Menu Dating: Taste-Test Your Way to the Main Course, by Tristan Coopersmith and Todd Johnson
Do you buy stuff just to pass the time?
Do you keep stuff around just in case, maybe one day you will need it?
Are you the most important person in your life?
My guest, Peter Walsh is the New York Times bestselling author of Let it Go: Downsizing Your Way to a Richer, Happier Life. He offers consultations for organizations to improve employee satisfaction and effectiveness and with individuals who want to declutter their space. You can catch him and his message on television, radio, and Youtube.
How to Get the Relationship You Want by Clearing the Clutter [3:56]
Stuff maybe concealing who you really are. Whether it is physical stuff or emotional stuff it may be keeping you from the relationship you really want. If you buy stuff to pass the time or in search of the happiness it is supposed to bring you may be using it to hide your true nature.
The two main types of clutter we have in our homes are memory clutter and the ‘I might need it one day’ clutter. We often hold on to memory clutter even when it has a malignant, negative effect on our lives and our happiness. Consider all your stuff and ask yourself if those items help you create the vision of the life you want to live and the relationship you really want.
What do you want from your life, your home, and your relationship?
Stuck in the Past? [15:36]
Peter says when we hold on to our memory clutter it only serves to keep us stuck in the past. Until we can let go of the memories we can not move forward into the future we deserve.
From the time they were little girls, many women are trained to constantly try to achieve perfection. But that is in direct conflict with creating the life they really want.
Clear out the clutter and watch children dance in the open space!
Strategies to Clear the Clutter [20:06]
If you want to stop procrastinating and really work on removing your clutter, Peter recommends these three strategies.
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Have you accepted the life that’s been handed to you instead of the life you desire?
Let's get you out of meh and into marvelous.
My guest, Mary Shores is the best-selling author of Conscious Communications: Your Step by Step Guide to Harnessing the Power of Your Words to Change Your Mind, Your Choices, and Your Life. She is a Speaker and an Entrepreneur who started her empire at the age of 24. She blends her personal experience with neuroscience and human behavior to generate positive and pragmatic solutions for businesses and individuals who wish to defeat the freak-out and to create their ideal life.
Mary Openly Shares Her Story [3:10]
Mary was abandoned several times as a child. She says it planted a seed that grew into her becoming a teenage mother who lived on floors in emergency rooms with her child who had severe brain damage. As traumatic as her situation was it helped to build her strong character. She was a high-achiever who started her own business at 24. When she married she had little understanding of marriage or relationships and the relationship ended in divorce.
Dating in your early 20's is different than when you are more mature in your 30's and 40's.
Why Smart Women Do Not-So-Smart Things Around Men [7:33]
Smart women repeat patterns in their love life they would never do in their work life. When a smart woman attracts an emotionally unavailable man it may be a sign she needs to look inward to find the root cause because we attract what we are.
Women who are high-achievers often try to be something other than what they are.
Drop into your authentic and be more of who you are!
Hacks to Defeat Fear and How to Get the Life You Want [15:58]
Our journey through life is not necessarily supposed to be a graceful one. Mary suggests creating a one-page action plan for growth. Decide on the ‘Core Four’ goals you would like to achieve and then reverse engineer what you want the outcome to be. Get specific about what it is you truly want and then dissect the steps needed to get you there.
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How well do you communicate your wants and needs?
Do you nag your partner and get hyper-sensitive about differences?
My guest, Andy Horning breaks down the challenges couples face and strategies to get them to experience the beauty of a real relationship, scars and all! Andy graduated from the University of Michigan. He is a Couples Therapist (and my couples therapist). He is the host of the Elephant Talk Podcast and he is a Teacher at THE institute for personal growth, The Hoffman Institute.
The Biggest Challenges Couples Have [2:46]
Couples often say the challenge in intimate relationships are bigger, deeper, and harder to crack than in any other types of relationship. It’s because vulnerability plays a big part. When blending two lives together, it is hard to know when to give up or when to lean in and work through it.
Couples tend to make the other partner wrong in order for them to be right. Andy says it's good to separate your beliefs from the person you are dating or in a relationship with.
Do you know how to ask for what you want?
The Litmus Test of Love [10:11]
Andy encourages couples to notice and engage in differences. He says it is okay to notice and be aware of differences but not to the extreme of micro-managing your partner. The important thing is to talk about your differences with your partner from a place of understanding. Individuals in a partnership should own what they are feeling and then let go. It’s not their job to play both sides of the court, so to speak.
Vulnerability is super important, but it’s not easy.
Interest-Based Negotiations [17:46]
Going deeper into each person’s needs and interest can help couples work through difficulties or misunderstandings. When we stand shoulder-to-shoulder with our partner and put the issue in front of us, instead of between us, it is easier to work together to solve it.
The Damaging Myth of Romance and Love [22:17]
Andy says we should understand love comes with disagreements, discomfort and person growth. It doesn't come with a neverending unbridled joy. That's only in fairy tales and the mythology.
Looking at disagreements as a normal part of coupledom instead of letting differences put pressure on your relationship is key.
Couples can use intimate partnerships to create damage and pain or to get everything they want in their lives.
Are You Feeling Disconnected? [30:05]
Andy says integrity is of the utmost importance when we communicate. Our internal message should match our external message. Our needs wants and vulnerability is important to express.
If you can simply say to your partner, “I’m feeling disconnected” it can make all the difference to your relationship.
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Can you surrender your pain to a higher power?
Are you wallowing in your negative thoughts instead of preparing for your soulmate?
My guest, Arielle Ford is in the personal growth and contemporary spirituality movement. She has spent 30 years living, teaching and promoting consciousness through all forms of media. She is a brilliant speaker and co-creator and co-host of Evolving Wisdoms: Art of Love series. She is also the author of 11 books. Including the extremely influential, The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the Love of Your Life with The Law of Attraction.
Her deceased sister, Debbie Ford was internationally recognized for her work in personal transformation. She was a pioneering force in the study of the human shadow. Her recently discovered book includes deeply personal stories about her own personal journeys. It is a practical plan for transformation.
In today’s episode Arielle shares how her sister’s prayer book came into existence through the spiritual and physical realm.
How Did Debbie’s Prayer Book Evolve? [3:55]
Arielle was invited to experience a session with friend Channeler, James Van Praagh to talk with her sister Debbie's from the spirit world. Debbie requested, and then insisted, Arielle, write a prayer book with her. A few days later, Arielle contacted Debbie's office and found out Debbie had already written the manuscript for her prayer book! Your Holiness: Discover the Light Within was then published shortly after.
There is an unseen higher self we can call upon to hold our hand through life.
Manifesting Love Through Quantum Science [19:23]
For those looking to manifest a soulmate, Arielle says the law of attraction states that we draw things that match our state of being. If you are in a state of feeling unlucky in love and unlovable, you are repelling love.
The Universal Truths of Quantum Science:
There is no time
We live in the field (Divine Matrix)
So, we are already connected to our soul mates! Start the relationship you want with your soulmate right now. Don’t be judgmental or overly hard on men. For some people, attraction takes a while. Just trust and have certainty.
What is Love? Baby Don’t Hurt Me [26:29]
Arielle divulges that real, adult soulmate love is not just a feeling. It’s a behavior, a practice, and a decision. There will be days when you do not like your soulmate. They may not show up in perfect form but they may be perfect for you.
Ladies, give a guy a second chance. Love takes time.
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#certaintybitches
How do you know if you are emotionally available?
Why do you think you are responsible for both sides of the relationship?
In this coaching call with Angela, we look at some limiting beliefs she created a long time ago that are still affecting her today and strategies to help her transform her dating life and personal relationships.
She recently separated with a drawn out break up. a serious relationship from the beginning. She started online dating & has met someone she likes.
What Exactly Does it Mean When a Man is Unavailable? [3:43]
A man who is not available emotionally, may not be willing to talk about and be open to everything a relationship requires.
Angela and her past partner couldn’t move past the stressors. They were constantly in fight, flight or fright mode. Angela has her love shield up to guard her heart due to a childhood need to be accepted and loved by her father. During her parent’s divorce, she felt the same longing to be able to make it all work out well. She created a limiting belief that she wasn't important enough.
Her foundation principle is to take care of everything, including herself and that she is responsible for taking care of the people in her life. In her developmental years, Angela became a surrogate spouse instead of a daughter.
How to Have a Great Relationship with the New Guy [16:57]
Angela's new relationship seems to have all the right pieces but she is still hyper-vigilant about trying to control the situation. She fears she still needs to be responsible for everything that happens.
Angela’s homework:
Don't take responsibility for others,
Collect data about whether, or not, her partner can meet his own needs.
Recognize the triggers that make her feel not worthy.
She should get her pre-frontal cortex back online with breathing exercises.
She needs to work on her own emotionally unavailability.
She should have an unwavering confidence in who she is.
You can't be a little girl in a grown-up relationship!
Angela’s Key Lessons and Takeaways [32:53]
If Angela wants to commit to truly understanding of what a real relationship should look like she should:
Recognize her partner can handle himself,
She doesn't need to be responsible for everything and everybody.
Become aware of her own transformation.
Being emotionally available attracts emotional availability.
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Are you are tired of waiting for Prince Charming to materialize but want to be a mommy?
Do you like to party but still want to have a healthy baby?
Will having a baby make your life complete?
My guest is a Scientist specializing in reproductive health, human flourishing and the intergenerational transmission of health. She lost her mom during her own birth so she has made it her life's work to walking women through the path to motherhood.
She is head over heels in love with her partner, she is a mother of two and baby #3 is on the way! Can you feel the gestational energy?
Should I Freeze My Eggs? [6:06]
For women, freezing eggs can serve as a type of insurance policy. If you haven’t met your Prince Charming yet freezing your eggs can give you the extra time you need to meet Mr. Right. But, if you want to freeze your eggs, Dr. Cleopatra recommends doing it during your prime reproductive span rather than later in life. Women can also take steps to preserve their fertility naturally by taking care of their bodies and living life like they are already pregnant.
Dr. Cleopatra's 3-Month Plan to Pregnancy [14:25]
If you have the right tools, Dr. Cleopatra says you should get pregnant within 3-months or less. Psychological and physiological pre-conceptional preparation can make all the difference when trying to conceive.
Women are born with all the eggs they are ever going to have. Eggs start maturing while we are still in our mother's womb but there is a final process that takes shape three to four months before they are released into our bodies. The goal is to make our eggs the best they can be BEFORE you need them.
Ladies, start being conscious of your fertility. Take your dream of being a mom into your own hands. *This sense of empowerment can attract amazing partners to you.
The way you live can strengthen or weaken chances of having healthy eggs.
Stress Levels, Nutrition and Exercise [24:56]
Stress changes the hormones in our bodies and fertility is affected by every system in our bodies. One critical system is the digestive system and the digestive system is a system profoundly affected by stress.
Food is an integral part of the well-being of your mind, body, and spirit. Nutrition and exercise can be vital to fertility and to having a healthy pregnancy.
Body fat levels can affect your ability to conceive but use caution and don’t overdo workouts!
The Lifecycle of Motherhood [32:00]
Motherhood starts when you decide you want to have children. From that moment on, get clear about your priorities and take your future into your own hands. Actively create the relationships you want in your life, your health, and your fertility.
Ask yourself:
What do I want?
What do I need?
What are my values?
Empowerment is the best medicine!
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Did you know you are broadcasting your past heartbreak all over the place?
If you have chronic pain or inflammation you may be in chronic survival mode.
Lisa is the Founder of the Neurosculpting Institute. She has a Master's in Education, a Foundation Certificate in Neuroleadership. Certificates in Medical Neuroscience, visual perception in the brain, neural biology. She is the Author of New Beliefs, New Brain: Free Yourself from Stress and Fear. She is the founder of neuro sculpting modality yoga.
Neuroplasticity Trains the Brain [6:26]
Through neuroplasticity, a person is able to edit and adapt old patterns or create efficient new patterns. The brain changes its structures and functions with use. Training, repetition, exercise, focused thought, meditation, and nutrition are all tools for hacking old patterns.
The brain is designed to keep us safe. It stores all of our memories in a retrievable way. If first experiences are painful it will assume future experiences will be the same way.
Our past experiences are a blueprint for our future experiences.
How the Body Plays Its Part [12:55]
The body feels all of our emotions and can broadcast our emotions out to the world. We emit small micro-contractions in our muscles which other people’s subconscious can pick up on. They can become uncomfortable around us or even have feelings of distrust.
Emotional and physical pain share multiple neural pathways in the brain which means heartbreak is a physical pain in the body.
Fear of betrayal may elevate your heart rate!
Resolving the Story Inside of Ourselves [17:10]
Right now you may be priming your body for all the things that come with being in chronic protection mode.
If you are experiencing:
Elevated Heart Rate
Hypertension
Brain fog
ADD
ADHD
Inflammation
Chronic Pain
It is more than likely from your body existing in an undealt with states of chronic survival mode and elevated self-protection.
Hacking the Neural System [21:10]
Interrupting your thoughts requires much more than awareness. There are daily physical practices you can do to help pull you out of the repetition. Food creates all the pieces in the brain necessary for emotional regulations. Food makes neurotransmitters for emotional regulation and food gives us the fuel to push the pause button on our survival behaviors.
The minute your diet is out of balance you will reach for your initial self-protective patterns.
Lack of self-care creates unhealthy environments for ourselves.
When the foundation of our subconscious stories says that love in unsafe even the best mantras won't help our cause.
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Have you let a guy treat you like an option while you treat him as a priority?
Do you need to raise your love limit?
During today’s call, Courtney learns how to get back into integrity with herself after she has become fed up with a long-term relationship she doesn’t feel safe in. We discuss setting boundaries, feeling emotionally safe and how to live our vision.
More than a Lack of Commitment [1:52]
Courtney met James nine years ago but their relationship hasn’t progressed the way she wants it to. They are very close and she knows he has commitment issues. Courtney has made it clear to James that she wants to find a full-time partner. When she brings the subject up, James says doesn't want to get married, tells her to accept their relationship as it is and then hides for two-days before reappearing.
She doesn’t trust him and thinks he has been with other women during their nine-year relationship.
Honesty is the best policy.
Stepping into Integrity [7:41]
She doesn't feel emotionally safe in the relationship. In all other areas of Courtney's life she exudes integrity but in her relationship with James her words and actions are not matching up. She knows that she is compromising herself because she fears finding another person to date. She has an upper limit problem.
Stop Talking and Start Doing [13:14]
When James comes out of his hidey-hole, and to live in integrity with herself, Courtney is going to tell him the relationship is not what she wants. She needs to start thinking about herself, what her long-term goals are and where she wants to be in five years. She is going to set her boundaries and start living as a woman committed to her vision.
Moving Past the Pain [19:35]
Once Courtney aligns herself with what is important to her she must do what is right for the little girl that she created this pattern to protect. Even though she knows it won’t be easy, with confidence and grace she will end the relationship with James and start trusting herself and her gut again.
Find personal freedom by being integrity with yourself.
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