Info

The Dating Den

Each week on the podcast, I’ll be interviewing the world’s top experts in attraction, dating, communication, sex, and relationships, as well as coaching real women LIVE, through their real life dating challenges… that are probably a lot like yours!
RSS Feed Subscribe in Apple Podcasts
The Dating Den
2020
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2019
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2018
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2017
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2016
December
November


All Episodes
Archives
Now displaying: January, 2019
Jan 25, 2019

Ladies, are you aware of how your actions directly impact your dating life?

 

Do you continue to date a guy even if he has said he has no long-term expectations?

 

In this one-on-one coaching session, thirty-nine-year-old Melissa has never been married and is looking for a long-term, committed relationship. She knows she wants to have a family. She wants to find someone to travel with, a confidante. She's currently an attorney and she believes her previous positions as a technical writer and a business analyst have led her to over-analyze her dating life and relationships.

 

She is validated at work for focusing on the details but it doesn’t serve her in her search for a quality guy who meets her needs.

 

She recognizes she has a natural tendency to go into her head and not consider the feelings causing her disappointment and how her heart feels.

 

A Play-By-Play of Melissa’s Last Relationship  [8:38]

 

During the first date with her latest guy, Melissa came out strong by telling him exactly what she was looking for. She told him she wanted children and of her need for a long-term, committed relationship.

 

She fears her time will be wasted based on her last 5-year relationship. She is protecting herself and attempting to keep herself safe. Her tactics may not be effective for her to reach her relationship objectives.  Marni confides that using these tactics she is more likely to attract men who are emotionally unavailable.

 

Why Melissa May Be Attracting Unavailable Men [15:43]

 

Melissa stays stuck in her head when she leads with quick, confrontational tactics. Using this method she will attract someone, like her, who leads with thoughts instead of feelings.  

 

Melissa shares the details of her most recent relationship. She tells Marni she thought this guy was different. She thought the relationship had potential because they connected on many different subjects. She felt an emotional attachment to him.

 

The catch is when she asked him what his expectations of the relationship were he said he had none.

 

So, why did Melissa continue to date him when she obviously had different intentions than he did?

 

Marni’s Coaching and Melissa’s Homework [15:43]

 

Marni breaks down the relationship story and gives Melissa an overview of what is happening. There are signs Melissa isn't seeing. Melissa realizes she may not be emotionally available.

 

When we don't feel emotionally safe we try to operationalize and systemize everything that is out of our control.

 

Marni outlines ways Melissa can shift to start feeling from her heart and stop leading with her head:

 

  1. Melissa should start looking at how often she goes into problem-solving mode to avoid feeling her feelings. Then take 20-seconds to consider how she is really feeling and what she really needs.

 

  1. She needs to start paying attention and make sure a guys words and actions match. If they don’t, she needs to move on.

 

  1. She needs to be compassionate with herself.

 

  1. She needs to consider the lesson this guy has given her and use it to figure out what to do differently next time.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Jan 18, 2019

Does the fear of rejection keep you from asking him out?

 

Would you like to know how to embrace your fear and use it to renew the spark in your life?

 

Marni’s guest is a Thought Leader, Zen Therapist and a Master Facilitator with a game-changing approach to fear that has never been utilized before. Kristen Ulmer is a professional skier who was on the US Ski Team for Moguls, a Big Mountain Extreme Skier and has spent 15 years studying Zen and instructing thousands of clients. She’s married now, but finding other people fascinating was her secret sauce method men couldn’t resist. Her new book, The Art of Fear: Why Conquering Fear Won't Work and What to Do Instead.

 

Fear, unconscious and conscious can stop you in your tracks.

 

Being Fearless in Life Doesn’t Mean Vulnerability is Easy  [3:29]

 

Often times, to be fearless in one area of our lives we repress fear in another area. Fear cannot be avoided. It is with us every single day. When you feel fearless in one area there is always a compromise in another.

 

Kristen says how we deal with fear is usually a learned behavior from a parent or influencer. She suggests when we feel fear we should ask ourselves how we process it. Do you resist fear? Ignore fear or rationalize it?

 

Whatever you resist, persists.

 

Un-dealt with or repressed fear will come back to get your attention somewhere or somehow. It will show up twice as powerful in a personal relationship.

 

Insomnia is an ever-increasing problem in the US. Because, when you are trying to sleep undealt with fear will hijack your mind and take over.

 

Fear shows up in your life in two ways:

 

  1. As an irrational, exaggerated, crazy version of itself somewhere else in your life. It can be OCD, anxiety, etc.
  2. It’s redirected into a powerful emotion such as anger or sadness.

 

95% of the time anger comes up when we feel powerless.

 

Techniques to Use Fear to Your Advantage [16:22]

 

If you find yourself trying to get rid of the negative side of life by saying positive things to counteract it you may actually be repressing your fear to a dangerous point.

 

For example, if you take your fear and lock it in the basement of your subconscious, you have emotions that are being ignored. Kristen says,  it gives your negative emotions magical powers. It's not a healthy or realistic way to live life. Fear is here to help you.

 

Would you rather feel happy or would you rather feel alive? Even in love if there is no fear there is no edge, no spice. Fear actually brings your A-game to everything you do.

 

Whenever you step out of your comfort zone and take a risk, it is a sign you are the path towards learning and growing.

 

Try this method when you feel fear come up for you:

 

  1. Feel your fear in an honest way. Don't beat yourself up about it. Fear is not a character flaw or a weakness. Say “It's natural for me to be afraid right now.”
  2. Do a body scan. Scan your body for fear. Fear is a feeling of discomfort in our body.
  3. Adjust your resistance to fear and have an organic relationship with it.
  4. Spend time feeling the fear.

 

Emotions are meant to be felt.

 

The key is to change your language around fear. Learn to say yes to fear and acknowledge fear in an honest way. If you shift your language and fear, in time you will conquer and overcome fear!

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Kristen Ulmer

Jan 11, 2019

Do you only date rich men?

 

Are you making the best decisions for your money life?

 

How much does money affect your overall happiness?

 

Marni’s guest, Brian Portnoy, Ph.D., CFA is the author of The Geometry of Wealth: How to Shape a Life of Money and Meaning and The Investors Paradox. He is the Director of Investment Education at Virtus Investment Partners and writes an investment column for Forbes.com. His goal is to simplify the complex world of money. He believes the world is noisy and filled with too much information and too much choice. JUST LIKE DATING!  Money can seem like an overwhelming and stressful topic, but better outcomes are achievable by understanding a few key concepts, and planning.

 

The Difference Between Being Rich and Being Wealthy  [4:05]

 

Brian says the assumption of most finance and the point to most investing is we want more. But, where we find true contentment is where the story gets muddled. The quest for more is a treadmill, you might be happy with something for a while but most of us revert to type and continue to chase what we want more of.

 

Being wealthy is the ability to underwrite a life that is meaningful to you. Funded contentment. We have to start thinking about living the good life.

 

The tension between wanting more and having enough defines human nature. Appreciate the tension.

 

It's Best Not to Base Relationships on Riches [7:19]

 

It’s dangerous to use money as a measuring stick for who you will or won’t date.

 

Brian says there are four broad sources of contentment which are more important than money:

 

  1. Or connections with others.
  2. The feeling that we are in control of our lives.
  3. Our being competent at something.
  4. Being attached to something outside of yourself.

 

If you don't have these four things figured out no matter how much money you or your partner have will not bring you a deep sense of contentment.

 

Our need to feel safe and connected is an inherent trait. Often when we make social comparisons, or become envious of others for what they have we are engaging in reflections of hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. Brian recommends we give ourselves a break because our brains are wired to survive in a dangerous environment. Simply knowing envy and comparisons are unhealthy things can help lighten the hold they have over us.

 

The Geometry of Wealth  [17:42]

 

Brian's book, The Geometry of Wealth is based on three simple geometric shapes, a circle, a triangle, and a square. These three shapes allow us to live our why.

 

  • The Circle — Represents the continuous process of defining our purpose.
  • The Triangle — Represents setting three broad financial priorities tied to contentment.
  • The Square — The four psychological elements of setting expectations.

 

How to Connect Money to Your Why  [22:15]

 

Brian’s least favorite word is busy. He makes an effort not to use it. He doesn't allow others around him to use the word ‘busy’. When we use the word busy we are saying that the world is overwhelming and we don't have control.

 

Once you stop using the word busy and start saying "I have competing priorities" it forces you to take accountability for the choices that you make. It may be painful in the short term to make one choice over another but it is empowering in that it allows you to focus on your true motivations.

 

Take control of your vision. Stop, breathe and think about where you are and where you want to get to. Meditate on it if you can.

 

We need to give ourselves permission to make priorities that are in our best interest.

 

The brain recognizes an infinite series of short terms that are stapled together by choice and circumstance. How we manage those short term moments is one of the major keys to happiness and success in life.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

The Geometry of Wealth

The Investors Paradox

Jan 4, 2019

Are you still stressed out even after meditating, working out, journaling, practicing self-care and eating healthy?

 

Does it feel like it is time for a reset and a new approach?

 

Are you ready to let your heart guide you?

 

Marni’s guest, Debbie Rozman is a Behavioral Psychologist, the President, and CEO of HeartMath, and an Educator and Author. She talks about Heartmath from an intellectual point of view and describes how it helped her create changes in her own life. The science shows that practicing HeartMath can accelerate your health, well-being, reduce stress and create flow in your life.

 

What is HeartMath?  [3:33]

 

Debbie was doing everything she thought she could do in terms of eating healthy, meditation, and a job she cared about but her work was growing so fast she realized she didn't have any skills for addressing the anxiety or challenges she faced. The stress was more than she could manage.

 

She thought there has to be more to life than this treadmill. She knew something was missing from her life. She was open to receiving a new direction, something different. She then met,  Doc Childre who told her it was really about accessing the intelligence of the heart and it's all about love. She knew energetically this was her new path.

 

There is a way to connect to your heart which is a higher form of intelligence!

 

HeartMath is a research institute that studies bio-feedback the emotional pull versus intuitive feelings. Heart rate variability, or beat to beat changes, show that physical changes actually match the way we feel emotionally!

 

Debbie and Doc Childre went deeper into how to shift the heart rate variability pattern quickly.

 

How to Apply HeartMath to Relationships [20:00]

 

In a new relationship or first meeting, it is hard to discern what is attracting you to another person. Is it sexual attraction, an emotional sensation or your heart’s intuition?

 

Learning to discern the difference between the signals of intuition and the signals of mind and security is the work of HeartMath. Debbie says there are specific tips and tools to help us identify what we are feeling.

 

A technological tool you can use with your smartphone is Inner Balance. It helps you to get into heart rate variability coherence, or in sync. You can see more into what the subconscious is really feeling. It's training yourself how to shift into your own personal intuitive guidance.

 

The Danger of Loneliness  [28:46]

 

Social support is critical for a human’s health. People who experience loneliness have a higher risk of cardiovascular disease, and heart disease. In fact, loneliness is more of a risk factor for disease than a lack of exercise, poor eating habits, and smoking combined!  

 

It's profound when our heart shuts down from feelings of loneliness or being brokenhearted.

 

Debbie says there are people who find fulfillment living alone but it’s very important for them to have close friendships.

 

Ladies, life is about living from the heart. You can live from your head but you will just keep banging it against the wall and wondering why you are not happy. Find coherence.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

HeartMath

1