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The Dating Den

Each week on the podcast, I’ll be interviewing the world’s top experts in attraction, dating, communication, sex, and relationships, as well as coaching real women LIVE, through their real life dating challenges… that are probably a lot like yours!
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Now displaying: 2016
Dec 18, 2016

Are you one of those women…

You know, you’re a badass in every other part of your life but…

When it comes to attracting men, flirting and dating…

You feel like the red-headed step child and you lose your mojo? (Yes, women have mojo!)

Then this is definitely for you!

Do you feel helpless and frustrated because the men you

date disappear and it makes you doubt yourself… even though normally you would never give it a second thought?

Do you, for some unknown reason, lack the confidence to attract the men you really want... or they feel like they're out of your league?

Relax. You are definitely NOT the only one!

Many women have incredible jobs, are adventurous, take risks and are confident in most areas of their lives. So, with all that confidence and prowess why do they find it so hard to communicate with a guy on a date?

Today’s coaching session is with Julie. Julie is a smart, well-traveled woman who lives in Europe. She was previously married for 4 years to an alcoholic, who passed away two days after their divorce was final. Julie is stuck and during our call, realizes she is afraid of being vulnerable and she shuts down when she really likes someone. I coach Julie through changing her story and learning to lean into her authenticity.

 

Battling the Fear of Rejection  [5:30]

 

Julie has an aha moment when she realizes she never really fit in when she was younger. She didn’t have a boyfriend and she wasn’t invited to parties. She now fears rejection so she tries to protect herself by thinking too much. She considers each answer she gives on a date and finds it hard to come from an authentic place. When she likes a guy she gets nervous and sometimes clams up completely in an attempt to make him prove that he likes her.

Everything we take in and send out is filtered through our own personal perspectives.

 

Getting Out of the Phone Booth and Reinforcing Your Barstool [12:17]

 

A lot of smart women find validation and worthiness through their work.  Julie gets a lot of her validation through her adventures, travels and risks.  

Julie is like a three-legged bar stool. One well-supported leg of the stool is how she confidently lives her life. The second strong leg of the stool is Julie’s confidence in her work life. The third leg of Julie’s stool is wobbly and that is her fear of rejection.

 

Get Rejection Proof [25:41]

 

Rejection proof is not fearing rejection. Julie practicing little ways to be more vulnerable without worrying about what happens.

 

In order for Julie to get rejection proof in her dating life. She needs to:

Change her language when she talks about her availability.

Change her language when she talks about her previous relationship.

Make sure she is not ‘spotlighting’ or oversharing.

Be authentic Julie at home, work and on dates.

 

Just telling someone you are excited to hear from them is sharing a small vulnerability.

 

Creating a Safety Net [33:11]

 

Women’s brains are constantly looking for control and safety. On a date, Julie should stay present in the moment, take guys off the pedestal and collect data about her companion.  

When she feels like she might be screwing it all up Julie should ask herself “How true is that really?”

The story you make up about yourself impacts what and how you do things.

 

Julies Key Takeaways are:

She is afraid to be vulnerable because she might screw things up.

In the future, she will remember she is a strong confident woman who is open to possibilities.

She is going to lean into her authenticity.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dec 11, 2016

You want and deserve a great man… right?

A real man that adores you and genuinely cares about you...

Not some commitment-phobic, quality casual guy that loses interest after you have sex and doesn’t answer your texts...

Are you sick of wasting your time on an unavailable man?

You invest a whole bunch of time and effort into him, then suddenly you discover he’s “not looking for commitment” or “too busy at work” or “still getting over someone else.”

Have you dated the guy who tries to make you see reason when you are feeling emotional?

Or, do you ever feel dismissed by your partner? In this episode, we learn how to create the relationship of our dreams by knowing our attachment style. This method is so cool because it gives you the power to take care of yourself!

Today’s guest expert is Iris Benrubi. She is a Mensan with Masters Degree in Counseling Psychology. She has spent the last 16 years coaching and counseling women and men from all over the world on how to find love. She authored the #1 Amazon best-selling book, Lonely and Single to Loved and Adored.  I just love her because she has a no-nonsense approach and she is humorous and witty! Her work has been featured on Slice TV, Women’s Network TV and she is the host of the Awakened Relationship Summit.

 

The Attachment Model  [2:45]

Most people’s Attachment Style is learned from the type of relationship they had with their parents. It shows up in adult relationships. People end up mimicking what they learned from their family.

What are the Attachment Styles?

 

1. The Secure Attachment Style

a. Mainly children who grew up with consistent, emotionally available parents.

b. These people find a mate and work on relationships.

c. 15% of people in the general population.

 

2. The Anxious Attachment Style

a. Children with inconsistent parents.

b. These people are constantly assessing the relationship.

c. These people become cling-ons.

d. They keep trying and trying to make a relationship work.

 

3. The Avoidant Attachment Style

a. Children with consistently emotionally unavailable parents.

b. These people often pull back.

c. These people make up a large percentage of the dating pool.

 

4. The Disorganized Attachment Style

a. Children who had a parent with whom they could never succeed or measure up.

b. These people constantly push and pull.

 

Focus on how you manage anxiety in a relationship.

 

Is My Relationship Just An Unhealthy Attachment?  [16:50]

People have a need to belong. They want to attach to someone who can see them, hear them and understand them but sometimes they attach to unhealthy people.

We are ultimately trying to be connected with our primary love person.

Look at your attachment style, if you get too needy or clingy, your partner can’t deal with you, because you are too big of a burden.

The more you understand you are valuable, lovable, and you know you want the relationship to work out, the easier it is for you to deal with the anxiety that happens in new relationships. YOUR job is to manage your anxiety.

 

How Do I Manage My Anxiety? [24:29]

By identifying your attachment style a person can manage their own emotions. It is also important to articulate your needs, so your partner knows how to help. The key is to be responsible for yourself. Your partner is not responsible for your distress. If they love you enough, they may shift and do something different to help you manage your anxiety.

 

Understanding Your Level of Attachment  [25:33]

Find someone who is really important to you and see how you react when they don’t text you back. How do you feel? How do you handle your anxiety?

People don’t shift dramatically from one attachment style to another.  As you evolve, unhealthy and insecure attachment diminishes and secure attachment increases.

 

How Do I Use This Information to Make My Dates Better? [27:46]

On the first few dates, gauge the other person’s attachment style. This will tell you how they will respond if there is ever tension in the relationship. Be transparent and simply say, “I do best with daily communication,” then you can see if they can step in and give you what you need.

The biggest cause of tension in a relationship is when your partner is not willing to step in when you are feeling uncomfortable or unhappy.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Let Love In

Dec 7, 2016

I get this question all the time...

Let’s say you’ve been seeing this great guy for a minute... you really like each other and things have been progressing,

but lately things have slowed down or even stopped moving forward...

How long should you wait for him to make a commitment??

If you are wondering the same thing ...

You are definitely not alone!

That’s why it’s the subject of this week’s Dating Den podcast with my awesome co-host Christian Anderson!

The thing is, your man may have different ideas about the progression of your relationship...

How quickly (or not) things should be moving...

So, what does a good progression look like from a man’s point of view [1:10]?

Actually, slow from the beginning is healthy for both of you!

Big jumps in the timeline are usually red flags [1:35]

Over the first few months you might be moving toward having at least one date a week…

Eventually spending time with each others friends..

Maybe even spending the holiday’s together!

But what does it mean when the progression stops [2:30]?

Is there a right to have the commitment conversation?

To decide if you want to stay in or get out...

What is the end of the honeymoon phase [3:22]?

Find out all these answers and more on today’s Dating Den Podcast.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dec 3, 2016

Ahh the magical ‘First Date’....

Even hearing the words can fill your body with a sense of HOPE...

Your veins work overtime to send a rush of dopamine to your brain....

You literally can’t wait!

You spend a long time getting ready, choosing the right outfit...

You get all your grooming done and maybe even break out something special... a specific piece of jewelry or a new perfume...

You’re excited but nervous...

Could this be it?

Are you going to start dating this great guy and become the envy of your friends?

Will this be the last ‘first date’ you ever go on?

It’s okay – we all do it!

You remind yourself to have an open mind... to not let the mistakes and missteps of the past weigh you down...

And yet... there they are.

Every time you felt judged, criticized, or even rejected...

The last time you got hurt...

You tell yourself this time is going to be different...

This time you are going to leave your baggage behind and have an open mind...

This time you are going to find LOVE…

 

My guest today, Sam, is a Human Rights lawyer.  She dates a lot but can’t seem to find anyone she is interested in.

 

If a man is interested in her she runs away or isn’t attracted to him.  And when she is interested, she has a tendency to sabotage her first dates.

 

In this episode we dive into what Sam needs to do to get the man and relationship her heart desires--a deeply committed relationship with a soulmate who has a passion for good causes and wants to change the world.

 

 

Dating Emotionally Unavailable Men [2:15]

 

Sam’s last serious relationship ended with her feeling like she gave more than received. She admits she struggles with communicating her needs and getting her needs met.

 

Even though Sam’s father supported her career goals and encouraged her to be the best person possible he was still emotionally unavailable. When Sam goes on a date her inner child is still searching for the love she never received from her father.

 

Sam needs to break free from her unhealthy patterns.

 

There is no such thing as perfect parenting.  

 

You Are Worthy of Receiving Love & You Are Enough!  [11:11]

 

Staying in the ‘Giver’ role is an unconscious game Sam plays with herself because it’s easy. Deep down she is afraid to receive love because she believes she isn’t worthy of it.

 

The safety of the giving role is that you never have to be vulnerable.  

 

Sam has an imagined fear of being judged, criticized and getting hurt. Rejection feels very personal and makes her feel like she is not enough. If she did put herself out there she would feel like she failed.

 

She has made herself a vulnerability trap. -She is collecting evidence that is working against her.

 

Practice Receiving Love [17:50]

 

Sam says she gets an out of control feeling that she is not safe. It feels like ice in her chest. She pushes away and gets defensive. She dismisses men’s affection and she gets critical of them.  

 

  1. 1. When this happens she is having a reaction to a childhood experience.
  1. a. Sam should practice a self-nurturing exercise of holding  her own hand.
  2. b. Embody her highest adult self.
  3. c. Take a deep breath.
  4. d. Say something over and over until she moves past it.

 

When you are in self-perpetuating thoughts they are strong. They have been building up strength since your childhood. If you activate the amygdala part of your brain through breathing it can be like hitting the brakes on your car.

 

You Are an Adult, So Act Like One   [27:00]

 

Sam’s limiting beliefs and her need to be right is getting her the opposite of what she really wants.

 

Her unmet childhood needs will always supersede her adult wants. It’s human nature to follow the rules.

 

Parent your emotional child by being an adult.

Sam’s homework is to re-assure her inner child that she will keep her safe. And, to not let the child in her get in the way of her having a deeply committed relationship.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Nov 30, 2016

So you're dating a guy...

And things seem to be going fine.

Actually, it’s kind of great.

You meet, you talk, you enjoy each other’s company. The attraction is building inside you.  

You're starting to like him.

But something else is going on that’s making you a little uncomfortable...

While he is showing interest, he’s also acting distant... and you want to know what the heck it means, right?

This situation is all too common and can be oh-so confusing! It’s usually not a good sign [1:12]

In this episode of The Dating Den Podcast, Marni and co-host Christian Anderson offer some important tips on how to stay strong and true to yourself while not blowing any chance there might actually be with this guy!

Here’s the thing... when a guy acts like this, it’s totally natural for you to take it personally, but you can’t!

The truth is, it’s not about you!

At 1:36, Marni reveals her rule to help you feel empowered and stay in control in this situation...

But how do you know if he’s really ready... or if he’s trying to figure it out?

At [2:18] Marni and Christian show you how to have a conversation about what you’re both looking for, without scaring him off!

So if you ever wondered why guys will show interest and act distant at the same time... and you want to know what to do if they start pulling away, don’t miss this episode!

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Nov 27, 2016

There’s a great new guy in your life and you think he can become part of your family....

He’s met your kids and it went well... or well enough...

You have given it time, and you think now it’s time to start to blend your two worlds...

In your happy place, you allow yourself to think... Wouldn’t it be great IF the two most important parts of your life could come together...

What happens when (and I mean when) your kids resist... how should you handle it?

Is it ever okay to bargain with your child... like, just do this one thing for me and you can, get that really short skirt you want... or play video games at the dinner table? (the answer will surprise you)

Should you, the parent, ever have to compromise with your child... or is it my way or the highway?

What if you don’t have your own kids but... that great guy you met has kids...?

How do you make sure your relationship survives the ‘blending’... and how can you be a great partner in that situation?  

Get all of these questions answered on today’s podcast, as I explore dating and blending families during the holidays with the super smart and amazing Susan Stiffelman.  Susan is a marriage and family therapist, a credentialed speaker, and a licensed psychotherapist. She is the Huffington Post’s Parent Coach and has devoted 30 years to working with families to create greater harmony and deeper connections between parents and their children.

 

Be the Captain of the Ship  [2:51]

 

Susan says the most important thing for a single parent to do is to set boundaries in their relationship so the child does not become a partner or a companion.

Single parenting can take the form of a Captain, Lawyer or Dictator.

The Captain - The steady, sturdy person in charge. The child feels heard, understood and comforted especially when there is upheaval in their life.

The Lawyer - The negotiator who allows the child to believe there is no one in charge.

The Dictator - The authoritarian who deals in fear and intimidation.

So when your child says “I don’t know why you have to go on that date” or “I don’t like that guy you’ve been dating, He’s such a loser”,  know that they are in feeling mode. They are masking what they are feeling in words that may have nothing to do with what they truly feel.

When a child is upset don’t engage them. Frustrated children become aggressive or they adapt. Help the child to feel their sadness by listening to them.

 

Is it OK to Bargain or Compromise? [21:55]

 

When parents are longing for companionship and starting to date it can prompt compromises in parenting. When responding to a child with a compromise or an uncomfortable fix you are undermining the development of resilience. It is basically telling the child you don’t have faith in their capacity to cope with this.

 

You can’t be afraid of your children. Kids need you to be solid and sturdy.

 

What if Your Ex Spends an Insane Amount of Money on Your Kid?[28:01]

 

The stories we tell ourselves is what derails most single parents. Kids are looking for a simple way to be with mom and dad. We know what nurtures kids and feeds them at the soul level are small demonstrations of affection, not money and gifts. A real connective moment with a child may be what they remember above all else.

 

Wealthy kids aren’t any happier than kids whose parents earn a baseline revenue.

 

How to Be a Great Partner to a Parent During the Holidays  [32:25]

 

Realize the holidays are not an easy time for kids. It’s just a matter of adjusting your expectations. Kids should come first.

Don’t ask a man to choose between you and his children and don’t make them feel guilty. It announces you as inflexible and not so good partner for the long term. But, also don’t be a doormat or let it be ok if he breaks every date!

 

Tips for Blended Families [38:14]  

 

Go slowly when establishing relationships with stepchildren.

Don’t force yourself on your stepkids and don’t need them to like you.

Stepparents should view themselves as a caring uncle or aunt instead of another parent.

Biological parents should always do the disciplining.

Let the child know you like to be around them.

Don’t force yourself on your stepkids and don’t need them to like you.

Understand the nasty comments they make are not personal.

Cut the kids some slack.

 

Children do best when parents are living a balanced and full life!  

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Susan Stiffelman

Susan’s Books

Nov 23, 2016

Don’t you love an alpha-guy?

A lot of women do - and why not.

He’s got it going on.

He’s got swagger, he has charisma, he’s got confidence up the wazoo...

On this episode of The Dating Den podcast, Marni and Christian Anderson give you the secret to attracting the alpha-male!

The one thing for sure is, you have to be in your feminine – otherwise he will disappear in a flash!

There’s only room for one alpha in the dating paradigm... and he has no interest in battling for it.

So how do you do it – how do you get into your feminine after you’ve expressed a lot of masculine energy at work ...[1:07]

The truth is, if you’re not conscious of it - the energy you use to make yourself successful could easily sabotage your love life.. [1:51]

If you are super-successful, you could be an alpha-female – and that’s okay!

But you need to know what alpha-female energy is and how it affects men...[6:16]

It’s really about allowing the guy to play the male role...[3:01] and that doesn’t mean you have to dumb yourself down.

You just have to become more comfortable receiving love...[4:30] you’re probably just out of practice!

You’ll be glad you set aside a few minutes to listen to this podcast –

Come learn how you can slip quickly and easily into your feminine so that you can let him be the alpha-male that you desire!

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Nov 19, 2016

Have you ever thought....

You know I’d like to meet a great guy but dating is hard.

How about...

Dating is work and I already have a job.

And then there’s...

Dating takes too much time. I’m really busy. Maybe I have to accept that love with a great guy is just not in the cards for me.

Even...

I like being alone all weekend. I don’t have to deal with sharing the remote or varying my routine.

Seriously...??

There are so many reasons not to try, not to make an effort. But you and I both know they’re all crap.

And when you do make an effort, are you dating with a laundry list? 

He must do this

He must be that

He must not do this and he must not do that.

Always looking for out for red flags, for men’s mistakes, for their faults... any reason to say “no thanks”?

Dangerous behavior. 

Here is the deal... 

It’s all a smoke screen. A way to keep yourself from being vulnerable, a way to keep yourself single (yep I said it)

My guest today,  Julie has been on 30 dates since blocking the number of her on again, off again boyfriend of 5-years. She really believes she has a “broken picker” because she wonders if there were 100 good men in a room she would pick the one bad apple. Julie wants to find a man who ranks “family” high on his list of priorities and she reached out to me to figure out…

 

“What limiting beliefs are getting in the way of having the amazing relationship she really wants?”

 

Believing She Must Be Perfect [2:27]

Julie felt like she had to be perfect in her previous relationship. When he was critical she would transform herself into the person he wanted her to be. She pretended to be someone else she thought was better than who she really was.

Julie was familiar with this type of behavior because her older sister used to beat her down by saying she was a bad person and was always critical. At an early age, Julie formed an opinion of herself which led her to believe no one would want to be with her because she is a bad person.

Julie would return her ex’s calls because she thought the next time would be different. It was a pattern she was comfortable with even though it wasn’t what she wanted. 

Julie’s Limiting Beliefs [8:49]

In her family life,  Julie was adaptable and a chameleon. She received positive reinforcement for being the best at everything she did. She can act her way through any situation. She is so used to be inauthentic she may not know who she is anymore.

 

Julie fears that if someone really got to know her she wouldn’t be good enough for them. 

 

Julie has been dating frequently. She enjoys the dates but afterward she makes up things about each guy so it doesn’t move forward. She says there is no problem getting a second date but no one ever makes the cut.

Feelings 101 [13:59]

I want Julie to feel her feelings so we use my SMOG method to uncover that she is scared that if someone finds out who she really is men won’t want to date her.

 

Julie is scared of rejection and she is scared of being out of control.

 

She is playing an unconscious game with herself by going to a familiar pain instead of taking a risk. She numbs her feelings of fear by playing the role of an actress for each guy she dates.

Julie’s big opportunity is to use this time to make an adjustment in her life by changing her patterns.

 

Julie should stay on the Right Road, which is the road of truth.

 

Julie’s 3-Month Homework Assignment [23:13]

  1. Notice when her limiting beliefs come up
  2. Notice vulnerability gaps when she is on a date
  3. Ask herself  “What am I feeling?”
  4. Ask herself  “What do I need?”
  5. Ask herself “What do I want?”
  6. Integrate each aspect of herself into one person.
  7. Set boundaries in a loving way.

 

She needs to step into her courage and power and explore all of her feelings, knowing she will be ok. It will soon become her default pattern if she does it over and over. And, starting with baby steps will help her create the confidence she needs to find her family man. 

Julie realized being her all the time is ok and we were all born lovable, we don’t have to earn it.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Nov 17, 2016

One question I hear all the time is...

“How do I know if a guy is hitting on me?”

I get why it’s an important question…

You don’t want to feel silly flirting with a guy, and then find out he’s just being friendly.

An even better question is...

“How do I get a guy to approach me, flirt a little... then leave him wanting more?”

That’s what we cover on today’s episode of the Dating Den, with the ultimate high-quality man and dating expert Christian Anderson.

If you want to learn how to spot a guy that definitely IS into you...

PLUS learn a few ‘soft ball’ comments you can casually mention to a man that will inspire him to ask you out...

You don’t want to miss what Christian has to say.

The truth is, a breakdown in communication is the reason why more connections are missed, than made.

Most guys, even the good ones, are reluctant to strike up a conversation. The truth is they’re afraid of rejection, which is funny because as women, we think… “Well, he’s not coming over - guess he’s not into me.”

But the reality is, you couldn’t be more wrong!

So when a guy DOES come talk to you, the single most important thing you can do is,...

Give him a sign that you might be interested!

That doesn’t mean you have to go on on and on - actually quite the opposite!

Check out 1:25 on How To Keep The Conversation Short and Sweet.

And if you’re talking to a shy guy that can’t pull the trigger and ask you out, at 2:17 of the podcast I go over the quickest and easiest way to get him to do just that.

So if you really want a guy to approach you, flirt a little, then leave him wanting more…

Check out these insider secrets men won’t tell you -- but they definitely want you to know!

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Nov 13, 2016

Today, I am talking with one of the most sought after dating coaches and relationship experts in the world. Mat Boggs is the Best Selling author of Project Everlasting and co-founder of the Life Mastery Institute.  He has been featured on the Today show, CNN and Oprah and Friends.

Mat shares how we can generate a state of being open to a loving relationship, he gives us a morning ritual to make sure we are taking care of ourselves (so we can attract what we want into our lives) and he outlines the 7 steps of the Sweaty 10-Minute Conversation. 

 

Are You Happy with the Results You Are Getting?  [4:35]

With family holiday parties are right around the corner, I ask Matt what should single girls do when cornered in the kitchen and asked about their love life.

Mat says, the question of how your relationship is going doesn’t have to bring up feelings of shame. If you are single - There is nothing wrong with you. Let people know you are enjoying your time being single!

Get to the root of why you feel like we are flawed or a loser for not having a partner. It’s because you are not self-loving yourself enough. It takes a level of awareness to decide what you really want. It’s all about shifting your results to create and attract love.

 

“Match the frequency of the reality you want and it must be yours.” ~ Albert Einstein

 

Creating Meaning Out of Any Connection, Even A Negative One [14:36]

When people reach out to you or comment about your love life you can feel uncomfortable or you can create meaning for their questions. Once you realize any connection is a call for love, it puts their query in a different light.

Any action is a call for love no matter how unskilled.

Maybe, ask Grandma to do the ring check when hot men visit their family at the nursing home. The more eyes you have on the prize the more likely you will win! Remember, to use the opportunity to connect more deeply with people.

 

Personal Development Tools:

● Become aware of your thoughts as you are thinking them. 

● Just because you are thinking something doesn’t mean you have to act on it.

● Practice advanced decision making by body position.

● Self-care can be practiced when you need it to shift your vibration.

 

7 Tools for the 10 Minute Sweaty Conversation[28:04]

Unspoken expectation bring up a lot of issues in relationships. Plus, it is not always easy to bring up your unmet expectations without adding a little fuel to the fire. If the relationship is meant to be your communication will be accepted. If you are uncomfortable bringing it up with your man it may be time to take a closer look at who he is on the inside.

Squeeze the orange early and often.

  • Matt created this set of tools from a concept Gaye Hendricks originally designed. Follow these steps to have more effective conversations with your partner about your expectations, met or unmet:

1. Teach this system to your partner when things are good.

2. Make sure your man will hear you by asking him when is a good time to have the conversation.

3. Give your man the intention or the outcome you want. 

4. Here is what I see…

5. Here is how I feel…

6. Here is what I want…

7. Seek common ground.

If you don’t like the result, take the responsibility for communicating differently. Give your man a path to be the man you want him to be.

Remove the words “never” and “always” from your conversations!

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

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Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

The D-Factor Assessment

Cracking The Man Code

Nov 13, 2016

Wouldn’t it be awesome if there was a dating app to let you see what was going on in men’s brains? 

Well, you won’t need an app if you follow the advice of my amazing guest Marni Kinrys. Marni is the creator of the Wing Girl Method. She is a best-selling author, a radio and tv personality and she hosts the Wing Girl Method Podcast.  She has spent the last 10-years helping men (and now women) meet and attract and understand each other through her top rated blog Wing Girl Method.

If you are wondering if Marni is one of those coaches that help men become douchebags? She’s not. Marni teaches men how to attract, date, seduce and get the women they want, without being a douchebag or a creep. Her goal is to teach men to be more confident so they can make women happy!

 

What are Men Thinking When It Comes to Dating? — [4:12]

Men want to be able to bring quality women into their lives. They do want to be in a relationship. Time and time again men say they want a good girl, who respects them, who they don’t have to chase over and over, who they don’t have to convince to be with them and a woman who doesn’t put them in the ‘friend zone’ for months at a time.

 

95% of the time men are not thinking like women are thinking. 

 

Men haven’t had much information available to them about dating and how to find a quality woman. And, the materials that were available to them were pickup artist stuff and objectifying women articles. Women have had relationship based magazines, books and programs for much longer.

 

What Keeps A Quality Guy Up at Night?[7:51]

Men have fears of rejection or that they will build up an attraction and then lose it by saying something stupid. They are afraid to make an approach unless they believe it will be a sure thing. Men are not as confident as they once were.

 

Help A Brother Out [13:34]

It’s important for women to remember that men have a filter which is based from their past experiences with women. Women should know subtle communication does not come across to men. They must be more overt than they are with other females.  Touching a man’s arm or smiling and engaging in conversation with him give him subtle hints and normally won’t be construed as aggressive.

Often, men are so confused about what women want or what is acceptable right now they become frozen by the confusion. They become edited, polite, meek versions of themselves.

 

Just Tell Me How to Make You Happy[16:08]

Men are good at following direct paths. If a woman tells a man what they want and not just expect him to do it a man will know exactly what path to follow. They can feel wonderful about themselves because they are making their woman happy. And, the next time they can do it again on their own.

If you want to see a man on a regular basis you can tell him it makes you happy and that you would love to see him.

 

A man needs clear communication from a woman. 

 

So, Why Do Guys Disappear? [27:17]

Both men and women have disappearing acts. When a man disappears it’s a clear indication of what he thinks about you. It means they are not invested in the relationship. 

 

Are Men Intimidated By Strong Women? [30:54]

A man’s masculinity is very closely associated with how much money he makes, how much power he has and what kind of women are in his life. Financial stability is attached to a man’s ego and what their definition of being a man is.

 

Questions to Ask a Guy on a First Date [35:37]

If a woman wants know if the guy she is meeting is a quality guy there are ways to find out on the first date. Marni says to talk about your own experiences to see how a man responds.

 

Women should think about what they are looking for before going on a date.

 

A man is likely to be nervous on a first date with a woman. Men can get flustered too. If you want to help make a man feel more comfortable you can subtly let them know they are winning. A woman can say “I’m having a great time” to help a man through a date. This way he doesn’t have to do all the work.

Men are wonderful and if they have clear direction are given they can be anything we want them to be.

 

Make a Connection:

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Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

The D-Factor Assessment

Wing Girl Method

Ask Women Podcast

Nov 13, 2016

Do you always seem to fall for the wrong guy?

Do online chats start out showing promise, but then the next morning you wake up to a dick pic?

Do you wonder if all men want is to get in your pants?

This is what happened to my guest, Christine. She’s a smart, self-sufficient woman who can’t seem to find a guy she can trust. Recently, she met someone online, she sent him a picture of her new kitten and how does he respond? By sending her a video of himself in the shower!

 

But I’m Doing All the Right Things — Christine Shares Her Dating Life [1:35]

Christine is about to turn 46. She thinks she has it all together, except for relationships. In an effort to find a man with similar interests, she joined a Triathlon Club in Southern California. She dated a few of the men she met and even dated one guy for 3 years. Her intuition told her to stay away, yet she ignored it — even though she knew he had a history of cheating. 

Of course, the relationship ended up in a brutal breakup.

 

Marni — Use the Dating with Dignity Magic Wand to Help Me Find A Guy I Can Trust! [6:17]

Christine asks Marni to tell her how to find a quality guy and she wants a no holds barred level of relationship coaching. 

Based on D-Factor Assessment results, 95% of women find themselves stuck in their dating problem because they have an unconscious need to be right about their own limiting beliefs.

At a young age, Christine’s father told her men are animals and animals are not meant to be monogamous — making it clear he was never committed. Her parents divorced when Christine was 5 years old.

What message could Christine possibly have gotten about emotional safety and love?

Emotional safety is a big issue which is hard to think your way out of. Christine has some unhealed childhood wounds that cause her to put up walls to protect herself. When there was no one to take care of her, she decided she needed to take care of herself. 

There is an emotional safety Christine needs to have control over, and the minute she is interested in someone she puts her walls up. So, she keeps attracting guys who make her self-fulfilling prophecy ‘true’.

 

The Right Road is the Road to Your Vision[23:54]

I asked Christine, “If you found the right guy, are you willing to let your guard down and be open?”

Christine has a ‘gremlin’ which makes her continually take the rougher road. The rougher road is a familiar path so it feels safer. It is a pattern she has had for a long time, which allows her to use her hard-earned self-reliance.

I gave Christine tools so she can collect evidence, enabling her to trust her own judgment.

 

Tools in the Toolbox

● Collect data to see if men meet your non-negotiables.

● Don’t solve a man’s problem or run to his rescue.

● Listen and trust your intuition.

● Be curious and respond, not react.

 

Ask yourself  — Has this person earned the right for me to take one more step forward?

 

Dating Hacks & Homework [35:00]

Christine’s homework will be to validate herself by sending a message to the guy who sent the shower video. She should be honest and direct, but not bitchy and tell him how confused she was by his response. It offers the possibility of a corrective experience, but more importantly it allows Christine to break her patterns.

 

The 3 R’s

1. Recognize Flags

2. Red - What color is the flag?

3. Respond Appropriately

 

Ask yourself — Does this choice take me to my vision or does it not?

 

Make a Connection:

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Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

The D-Factor Funnel

Nov 13, 2016

Do you want to know how to get devotion, intimacy and passion from your ideal guy, for the long-term AND get him to commit?

My guest today is Adam Gilad. He is an expert in the field of attraction, dating and relationships. He is here to help you turbo charge your journey to find love, online. He shares the exact steps you need to take to make an amazing profile to attract the man you want in your life. 

Adam is the Co-Founder of the Dailydater.com and is a genuinely nice guy. He is well-known for his transformational life development workshops where he teaches men and women the language of each gender to the other, to cultivate a dance of the sexes, rather than a battle. Adam is a former Stanford Humanities Graduate Research Fellow and an Emmy nominated Executive Producer and Screenwriter. Adam’s online dating techniques are so amazing he even met his new bride online!

 

Tell Me About It Stud — Adam Shares Tips on How to Inspire Devotion in a Man [4:17]

Adam says the word ‘commit’ doesn’t feel very good to a man. Men would rather devote themselves to something or someone. Devotion calls out a man’s inner hero. When a man is inspired by a woman they don’t treat her like a convenience.

Ask yourself do I feel honored or do I feel like a convenience?

*Reward - Adam calls men Pavlov’s gender - If women ring a bell men salivate. If women reward men for a particular behavior, they continue doing that behavior. Most men need training and intimacy.

 

Acknowledge and Reward! Words are Not Enough

Rewards should be physical in nature. Try:

● Lingerie at the door.

● Blow Jobs later.

● Feel him up and let him feel you.

 

Online Dating - Set the Bar for What You Really Want [10:58]

Adam says men don’t care about you online. All they need to know is:

● You are a woman of value.

● They have a chance with you.

● You will be a victory in their lives.

 

A woman’s online profile should start with a call out to the character of the man they want, and be done with positivity and a promise of reward. Start with I love men who….

A man wants to win a prize, so market yourself. Here is a sample profile starter you can use. 

“I am looking for you if, you are xxx (ask for a man of character) and nothing is sexier than that to me (reward).”

If you are afraid you will sound too sexy, flirtatious and playful. Remember, you are saying you are sexy, confident, and playful BUT only for a man of high character.

 

Make sure you put out there that:

● You are a prize catch.

● You admire and respect a man of a certain character.

● What a big reward he will get if he is that man of character.

 

What Should My Profile Picture Look Like? [23:52]

Men want a prize on their arms. Men judge each other by the woman they have on their arms. It’s real! When they see your profile picture they need to think ‘this woman could bring a light into my life’.

 

The best profile pics are taken by a professional photographer. You need at least three photos in your profile. They are:

● One picture where you look ravishing.

● One picture that shows your body.

● One picture of you having fun and smiling directly at the camera.

 

Men’s eyes go to cleavage - It’s ok, to show off your assets. You are a woman after all.

 

The Digital Handkerchief - Over 40’s, Read This! [30:56]

The digital hanky is letting a man know you are interested without emasculating him. If you really want to meet somebody, you don’t have to wait for them to write you. Write him first and tell him about his character, not his picture. Men love when a woman loves who he is, what his purpose is. Start with something like...My sense is that you seem like a high-quality man. If you wrote me, I would be interested in talking to you…

 

Homework[33:42]

1. Read the poem When Death Comes by Mary Oliver.

2. Read Adam Gilad’s The Right Man online - Get the first chapter FREE  “How to Approach Men Online”.

 

A Quote for Adam [38:46]

“I was never really insane except upon occasion when my heart was touched.” ~ Edgar Allan Poe

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Let’s Talk Dating Website

Let’s Talk Dating on Facebook

@LetsTalkDating on Twitter

Nov 13, 2016

Have you ever met a man, flirted with him, and then he does absolutely nothing?

You think to yourself; “Was I in the same conversation as he was, because I swore the guy was interested?”

You’re definitely not alone, it happens every single day!

By now you’ve all heard that men are natural hunters. They want to pursue their women (we want it too!)

So, what do you do if you’re in one of these situations, I mean….Is it okay to ask a man out?

Can you pursue a man without being over aggressive or coming off as desperate?

On this episode of The Dating Den Podcast. I take a deep dive into this red-hot topic with Christian Anderson - who happens to be deliciously handsome, smart and successful (aka a quality man). You may know Christian as my co-host of our Dating Den YouTube show.

It's an important issue for strong successful, independent women who are frustrated by waiting for men to take the lead.

So on this episode, we talk about who should pursue a man and who should not based on what it is you’re looking for in a long-term relationship.

 

Tell Me About It Stud — Christian Shares Why He’s Here [1:20]

After a Twitter war, Christian was asked to debate another male relationship coach on whether or not women should pursue men. The other coach has very different views than he does. Christian was raised by two very strong Lebanese women, his mother and his older sister. He understands the difficulty women have in the midst of the changing gender roles of society today. So, he accepted the challenge.

 

Can It Work If A Woman Asks A Man Out? [6:24]

Christian says it can work but you need to ask yourself what kind of man are you looking to attract in your life. He says first impressions are huge.

 

If a woman takes the lead:

● She will probably end up with a man who leads with his feminine energy.

● It’s likely she will end up as Miss Right Now.

● You can’t teach an old dog new tricks — A man won’t suddenly turn alpha.

 

What Does A Woman Pursuing a Man Actually Look Like? [13:35]

The woman basically does all the preliminary work, Christian says. She sets up the date, she sets the location and she orders the food. Christian shares a date gone wrong story about a woman who pursued him. He says it was fun and exciting to be courted. He met her at the place she chose, and during the evening she was slightly assertive. The woman stirred up a lot of hormonal energy in Christian which made it hard for him to go into provider mode. When she called again, he realized it was he who wanted to be leading the relationship.

From a female perspective, it’s a choice. It’s about knowing what you are likely to get when you do pursue a man.

 

Dating Hacks & Homework[24:12]

These tips are a powerful woman’s best friend. They allow you to make the first move and still let the man feel challenged. Christian says to throw a man a softball. Throwing a softball is as simple as making eye contact and if you are feeling saucy, add a smile. This way a man can respond to the nice, soft pitch you threw him and get out his bat to swing for a home run.

Or, try the tried and true, man-empowering HACK:

● Help — Asking a man for help makes him feel needed and men love to feel needed.

● Advice — Ask a man for advice.

● Compliment — Men don’t receive a lot of compliments from women so by doing so you make him feel really good.

● Kangaroo — You’ll just have to listen in to hear this one for yourself. 

 

Your homework ladies is to use the hack, 3 times for 7 days in a row, to practice. If you want to be pursued you have to be engaged in the process. 

 

Tips to Get a Guy to Ask You Out:

- Know who you are

- Know what you want

- Don’t be afraid to share yourself

- A softball goes a very long way

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

The D-Factor Funnel

Let’s Talk Dating Website

Let’s Talk Dating on Facebook

@LetsTalkDating on Twitter

Nov 13, 2016

I am so excited to let you know that I am re-launching my Dating Den Podcast!


Each week on the podcast, I’ll be interviewing the world’s top experts in attraction, dating, communication, sex, and relationships, as well as coaching real women LIVE, through their real life dating challenges… that are probably a lot like yours!

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

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