Life Check Yourself 436 – How to Navigate the world of relationship and dating when you’re neurodivergent with Jeremy Hamburg and Ilana Frank
Marni welcomes Friendship and Dating coaches, Jeremy Hamburg and Ilana Frank. Having worked for years towards creating strategies that empower autistic and neurodivergent adults, Jeremy and Llana give in-depth insight on the dating world. The duo has come up with a program, dubbed Social Life 360, that teaches clients to confidently meet new people. In this conversation, they touch on our basic need to connect as humans and what that really means. They delve into the struggles faced when dating and making friends as a neurodivergent person. Much of the advice is applicable to people across the board.
* How to open your mind
* Why is timing important?
* The Impact of words
Are You Rigid? [11:10]
This rigidity in thinking when it comes to dating is not just limited to neurodivergent individuals. It is something we are all guilty of. And it reduces the dating pool and with it the likelihood of success.
One of the diagrams we have in our program is a diagram that shows how limited your dating pool is when you don’t open your mind.
How to be Present [15:03]
Many of us get overwhelmed by the unpredictability that comes with dating. However, there are little ways around it that help you spend mental energy on enjoying yourself and the person rather than getting anxious. By knowing what to expect and having your date in a more familiar setting, you’re freeing up that energy to really be present in the moment.
They’re going to know the sensory impact that that date is going to have. So, they’re in control. They’re prepared.
Recognizing That Inner Critic [25:27]
That inner critic voice in your head? Don’t listen to it. It stems from a history of rejections. Many individuals, neurodivergent or otherwise, face challenges as a result of past rejections. By identifying and understanding that inner voice, you can start working on changing it and moving forward in social and dating situations.
Part of it is understanding that recognition. There’s an inner critic voice in my head that’s keeping me stuck.
Make a Connection:
· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
· Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
· Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life? Book A Call With Us
· My Best Social Life Official Website
· Schedule a No Cost Family Strategy Session
· Autistic and neurodivergent adults can schedule a no cost Family Strategy Session Here!
Marni welcomes transformational speaker and relationship coach, Stephen Muiriri to the Life Check Yourself studio where the duo discusses why women feel trapped in certain relationships and how to overcome that feeling and find their authentic value. Stephen has helped thousands of women overcome dating challenges and find true love. In this conversation, he talks about the importance of finding your value and harnessing that energy to communicate it to yourself and those around you. And that value isn’t just limited to the physical, it is much deeper than that. What do you stand for? What are your values? What are your principles? That is where the beauty really is.
How to let go of the past
Rediscover yourself
Take a step back and reassess
The Sum Cost Policy [06:47]
When you continue to invest in something that is failing, the cost starts outweighing the benefits in your mind. And that’s where the challenge lies. It’s what keeps you there despite knowing better.
They think about what they have put in and what they hoped to get, they still hold on to the hope that things will get better.
Why do we Underestimate our Value? [14:39]
Most of the time, we underestimate our value and who we are as a people. But when you give yourself the value you deserve, those around you pick up on that energy.
Just being a woman is valuable enough for you to command respect.
The Life we Created is A Shield [21:24]
One of the biggest obstacles women face is their lack of clarity. Your identity is who you are; it is your values; it is your principles. To be your authentic self, you need to be clear on those values.
When you know your value, you can express it, you can communicate it. You’re not ashamed or afraid of getting rejected.
Make a Connection:
· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
· Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
· Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life? Book A Call With Us
· IDEAL REALIZED INTERNATIONAL- IRI.org
· The I Am Factor Program: For Building Successful Relationships _Book a call NOW!
Marni welcomes one of her clients, Rebecca Purnell to the Life Check Yourself studio. Rebecca shares how she found love. Having had a fulfilling career and what she describes as a great life, she felt something was missing: she couldn’t find her person. Rebecca explains the journey she went through to find her person and the lessons that she learnt along the way. How to date on online apps? Who deserves a second chance and who doesn’t? are just a few of the questions that Marni and Rebecca discuss as they delve into the details of a love story in the digital age.
Take a step back
Ask yourself the right questions
Be curious
Define it then Tear it Down [09:52]
It’s important to look into what are the factors in your past that have created that wall around you. Before tearing it down, you must first define it. When you look into the reasons behind some of your actions, it empowers you to solve them and move forward.
When you just take a pause and find a safe container to revisit those things that you’ve been avoiding, the answer is there.
Give Him a Chance [20:27]
Maybe the first date didn’t go exactly as planned. But if you had a good feeling, there’s no harm giving the person another chance. You never know what this person might have to offer and sometimes it’s worth it.
Always give them a couple of chances based on one day.
He’s Lucky if he Gets You [26:27]
Show the person in front of you that they’d be lucky to have you because you have options. When you show your date that you’re here because you want to be and not because they’re the only person there, it makes a world of difference.
You’re not in that scarcity mentality.
Make a Connection:
· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
· Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
· Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life? Book A Call With Us
Marni welcomes strategic dating coach, also known as the OG of online dating, Mike Goldstein in the Life Check Yourself studio, where the duo dive into the male perspective of dating and what men are actually looking for when it comes to a partner. What makes them tick? How do they date? Men, like women, are looking for a safe space where they can be themselves. But what does that actually mean? Their conversation touches on cornerstones of what it means to be in a relationship and how to get there.
How to be his safe space
Speak your mind
How to date right
What Does He Really Want? [16:30]
Men want to feel needed, appreciated, and accepted. They want to show their partner off. But for each man, the definition of that varies. And that definition evolves with age as men start to look at what they really want in a life partner.
So then it’s still showing off, but it becomes less vain. And it’s what would really feel good if a woman has these amazing qualities.
Don’t be the Competition, Be the Prize [20:14]
Your partner is at work all day, fighting his own demons, dealing with his own battles and obstacles. When he comes home, he’s not looking to compete with you. He’s looking to just be with you, let his guard down, and be himself. You’re his safe space, not his battlefield.
Maybe I can be feminine with her. Maybe I’ll be masculine. Whatever I want to do in that moment, she accepts me and doesn’t make it more battle, more conflict. It’s just acceptance.
Breaks Aren’t a Bad Thing [30:31]
This isn’t a race. When it feels overwhelming or demotivating, it’s important to take breaks and just take your distance from the dating scene. Give yourself that space to get excited again.
You’re going to get someone quick when you’re in the right mindset.
Make a Connection:
· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
· Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
· Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life? Book A Call With Us
· Men (Over 40) Choose Women Based on THESE 4 FEELINGS (My Best Advice)
Marni welcomes award-winning podcast host and author Damona Hoffman to the Life Check Yourself Studio, where the duo takes a deep dive into what the dating scene looks like today and what are some of the myths that need to be debunked. They delve into the importance of forging genuine connections by slowing down and reflecting on our dating beliefs. Touching on some of the misleading notions that many of us need to dismantle like the chemistry myth or the soulmate myth, the conversation serves as a new-age manifesto for how to make dating more hopeful and authentic.
Take a good, hard look at your dating beliefs
How to rewrite your own love stories
How to show up with intention
F the Fairytale [10:09]
While it may not be evident, the way we date is passed down from generation to generation. That is, the dos and the don’ts, the etiquette and all that comes with the courting stage. Take a good hard look at your dating beliefs and question them. Why can’t you send the first message? Why can’t you, as a woman, initiate things?
Now our dating pools have expanded everywhere, and yet we’re still playing by these old rules that no longer fit.
Why Are We So Obsessed with Chemistry? [18:05]
Chemistry when dating is a myth that can be damaging. Being curious about the person in front of you rather than holding on to that notion of chemistry is more likely to lead to better results or at the very least a genuine connection, if not a lasting one.
For the chemistry myth, the antidote is clear communication.
Dump the Pick-Me Attitude [23:47]
We all have this deep need to be liked, and it’s a feeling that we’re constantly chasing. It’s been aggravated by social media where we’re constantly trying to one-up each other and prove that we’re better than this or that person.
We don’t have to do all that if we are focusing on authentic connection. First of all, it’s going to be a more interesting date for you. Second of all you’re going to show up differently.
Make a Connection:
Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life? Book A Call With Us
F the Fairytale (Rewrite the Dating Myths and Rewrite Your Love Story)
Marni welcomes well-being life coach, trainer and consultant Jamie Heberlein where the duo discuss how to eliminate anxieties when it comes to dating. Having been through it herself, Jamie shares nuggets of wisdom in the form of tips that helped her break free from expectations, pressure, and disappointment when it comes to dating. Part of it is learning that one person’s reaction or action is not a negative reflection of you as a person.
· Transformation through self-compassion
· How to balance your approach to life
· Getting rid of external validation
Are You Forcing it? [10:34]
With the whole manifestation trend, it’s a thin line separating between actually putting that energy out there and obsessing over it. It’s a trap many women fall into, which only ends up making them feel worse about themselves. What happens is that you put yourself down when what you had in mind doesn’t manifest in the way you wanted.
I start going negative. So, it really helped change my mind set to say that I’m going out into the world to have experiences and meet people, and that’s kind of it.
Slow Down [14:11]
It’s sometimes a good idea to take pause when immersed in the hectic environment that is the dating scene. People often forget but take a minute to step back and figure out what are the things you’re not being true to yourself about. Give yourself permission to do the behind-the-scenes work. That’s usually the work that helps you figure yourself out.
I think the non-negotiables of what are the things that I will not negotiate just helped me ground who I am. And I think that even gave me confidence.
Switching from Subjective to Objective[22:08]
It’s the stories we tell ourselves that matter. When it comes to someone not calling us back or canceling a date, it’s important not to attach too much meaning to that. Instead, sit back and look at it objectively before thinking negatively about yourself.
It will happen when it’s supposed to happen. Trust the process. Do the steps to reach out to different guys, they reply…Or they don’t. Then they’re not my person.
Make a Connection:
· 3 Secrets Men Wish You Knew *Free Download*
· Are You Making These Unconscious Mistakes With Men? *Free Training*
· Ready To Take Control Of Your Dating Life? Book A Call With Us
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