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The Dating Den

Each week on the podcast, I’ll be interviewing the world’s top experts in attraction, dating, communication, sex, and relationships, as well as coaching real women LIVE, through their real life dating challenges… that are probably a lot like yours!
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Now displaying: 2018
Dec 28, 2018

Women are statistically more depressed than men and depression is beginning earlier and earlier in our lives. Despite what you have been told achievement is NOT the key to happiness and well-being.

 

Marni welcomes leading happiness expert, Karen Rockind to discuss the simple daily decisions you can make to create more joy in your life. Karen is the creator of Purpose Girl, a movement that empowers purpose driven living, and Women’s Global Happiness Day. She has . taught thousand of people real-life strategies to reclaim their happiness, to live to the fullest potential of success and well-being. She is a survivor of divorce, domestic abuse, and a life-changing armed robbery which proved as a catalyst for her to finally pursue her passion of helping women thrive.

 

The Science of Happiness  [5:41]

 

For millennia, psychologists studied only illnesses including anxiety and depression even though only 30% of the population had a diagnosed mental illness. When about 20-years ago, a professor decided that instead of ignoring 70% of the population he would integrate the study of happiness into his work.

 

Now, conventional wisdom and social pressures have made many women believe they must meet a certain criteria in order to be happy. But, Carin says it’s not true. Women may have been taught achievement  will make us happier but research shows the opposite. Happiness should come first.

 

Surviving is not thriving!

 

How to Create Well-Being and Happiness [10:46]

 

Daily choices can make the biggest difference in your happiness level. Happiness is an very individual thing but there are pathways that can bring happiness and fulfillment. Happiness is a choice.

 

Pathways to Happiness:

 

  • Focus on the positive in a situation.
  • Have hobbies or work you love.
  • Have healthy, thriving relationships.
  • Do something that matters to you and gives you purpose.
  • Achievements in areas that matter to you.

 

Redefining happiness for yourself is being your whole self and going after what you desire. Get some soul sisters. Soul sisters will launch you into a whole new level of happiness, joy and support!

 

You should control your life. Don’t let your life control you.

 

Happiness and Dating  [24:49]

 

Any man will tell you, confidence and purpose is super sexy. A woman who is doing something that really matters to her, feels filled up on living which makes you show up as an empowered goddess. You can make their own fun id you are filled up by life.

 

Feel good about who you are!

 

Uncover Your Purpose By Listening to the Whisper of Your Soul  [27:58]

 

Carin says there are three questions you can ask yourself to uncover your purpose.

 

  1. What are my regrets?
  2. What am I jealous of other women about?
  3. What can I learn from my childhood dreams?

 

After exploring what gives you purpose start playing with your dreams. Picture yourself doing what you want to be doing. How does it feel to be doing it? How does your day start? Is there someone already doing what you would like to be doing? Look for mentors and call them. Little steps can help you realize big dreams.

 

You are the creator of your own life.  Make it awesome!

 

Make a Connection:

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Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

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Carin Rockind - Purpose Girl

Women’s Global Happiness Day

Dec 21, 2018

If your vision for the future includes travel and meeting someone to share magical experiences with, this is the episode for you.

 

Marni welcomes Alex Jimenez aka Travel Fashion Girl to the Den to talk about the importance of having clothes that meet your personal style when traveling. Alex shares tips for packing light, how to create a travel capsule and how traveling light can make your more irresistible to meeting a guy on the road.

 

Alex lived a nomadic lifestyle out of a single carry-on suitcase. She combined her experience with her background in business to create her company, Travel Fashion Girl. It is the number one blog for female travelers with over 1 million monthly visitors. She has been on Fox & Friends Morning Show, and featured online in Cosmo, Harper's Bazaar, New York Post, USA Today and more.

 

When the Travel Bug Bit Alex  [3:19]

 

There was a single moment when Alex was on a vacation with her mother when she was mesmerized by the beauty of the island and realized she needed to travel more. After quitting her job she kept her promise to herself and traveled full-time for almost a decade.

 

She started her journey by joining group tours but became inspired by the solo women travelers she met along the way. And then, during a solo trip around the world, she met her husband!

 

How to Make Connections When Traveling Solo [7:06]

 

Alex says traveling with other people provides a safety net because there is always someone to talk to. When traveling alone you have the opportunity to strike up conversations with strangers and to be more open.

 

Tips for Women Travelers:

 

  1. Don't travel with a friend
  2. Put your phone down
  3. Do your research
  4. Ask questions about fellow travelers

 

When you put yourself in a new environment, out of the normal bump and grind at home you become more of an approachable person. In a beautiful place, you can feel more attractive, confident, and free to be in the moment.

 

These tips can be used to meet men anywhere!

 

How to Travel Light with Travel Fashion Girl  [14:15]

 

Alex felt hindered by her heavy travel bags. She did some research and spoke with other travelers who chose to travel light before creating her unique Travel Fashion Girl blog. She recommends thinking about how excessive luggage could impact your experience.

 

You can’t hop on the back of a motorcycle when you have heavy bags!

 

The key to packing light and looking good is less about being stylish and more about feeling comfortable in your skin. Pack your favorite clothes. When you look good, your confidence will show through and you'll feel more outgoing. So, instead of packing giveaway clothes pack to enhance your personal style.

 

Travel Fashion Girl Tips:

 

  • Research the weather at your destination.
  • Start with 10 core pieces.
  • Keep it simple.
  • Pack tops that can be layered.
  • Don't take more than 3 pairs of shoes.
    • Shoes you plan to walk in — Wear stylish comfortable shoes on the plane
    • Activity shoes — hiking or work out shoes
    • Dress up or sightseeing shoes

 

Alex has been using the same backpack for years. She just doesn't want to replace her Rebecca Minkoff Julian backpack. It fits everything she needs.

 

Meet Your Man on Your Next Solo Trip  [27:32]

 

Alex wasn’t expecting to meet her husband during her round-the-world-trip but there he was seated right next to her on the plane. She says traveling is the perfect way to meet your partner because you get to see a person's true side. You can see how they react to delays, changed plans, and disappointments. If you are serious about someone, or in a new relationship go on a trip together. It is so telling about how you both will handle adversity.

 

Alex’s #1 Tip is to follow your gut and listen to your instincts!  

 

Homework: Marni asks you to consider how you can practice being your most authentic self and how can you bring adventure into your life.

 

Explore, put your phone down, and be who you really are in a new environment. Travel Solo!

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Travel Fashion Girl

Travel Fashion Girl on Facebook

Travel Fashion Girl on Youtube

Dec 14, 2018

In this one-on-one coaching session, Nicole, 34, shares her latest relationship struggle. She has been dating a guy who doesn’t share her relationship values but there is some magnetic connection between the two of them. She asks Marni for guidance on how to move forward and get the type of relationship she deserves.  

 

The Impact of Rejection  [2:57]

 

Nicole shares the core relationship values the right guy would embody:

 

  1. Integrity
  2. Compassion
  3. Sense of Humor
  4. Honesty
  5. Empathy for Other

 

But, when Marni dissects Nicole’s current relationship the message is clear. The guy she is currently dating doesn’t share the same values. He has been sketchy with her, starting and stopping communication when he wants it, not being where he said he would be, and sometimes not even showing up for dates.

 

His behavior is triggering trust issues for Nicole. She formed these issues in her early childhood based on her relationship with her father. She is attracting emotionally unavailable men because it feels familiar!  

 

For some people love is being a martyr and for some people love needs to be earned.

 

When Trust and Honesty are Missing in a Relationship [17:12]

 

Even though Nicole didn’t experience trauma or excessive drama in her childhood, she still only got love from her father when he was around. A behavior pattern was created when she was young that she could only get love on a man’s terms and when he was available. Many of her other past relationships, including her marriage, reflect the same behavior.

 

She recognizes there is a lack of trust in the relationship but she’s not sure how to break her life-long relationship patterns.

 

How to Break Unhealthy Relationship Patterns  [20:46]

 

Nicole considers maintaining a relationship with the guy but only as friends, no romance. But, he has already given her the disclaimer. He is getting all the boyfriend privileges without the boyfriend responsibilities. Nicole’s aha moment comes when she realizes he has already told her what the future would look like based on his actions.  She just hasn't been listening.

 

Marni recommends her that if she wants someone who has shared values and is committed to finding a true partner she needs to trust herself. And, she needs to make any guy she dates aware of her relationship goals. The guy needs to meet her expectations now, not just talk about how he might meet them in the future.  Nicole needs to tell him that he doesn't make her feel safe emotionally and make it clear to him his actions have consequences.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dec 7, 2018

In this one-on-one coaching session, Marni works with Jesse to shift her mindset and online profile. Jesse uses her online dating profile to meet men but she is not meeting the quality guys who share her same values. Marni peels back the layers to uncover that while Jesse is deeply committed to her kids and active lifestyle, her online profile doesn’t reflect her core values.

 

Dating with Kids  [5:59]

 

Jesse admits she may have been a tad naive about going into the dating world with kids. She thought it wouldn't be an issue because everyone has a past. When several attempts with traditional dating methods didn’t pan out, Jesse joined an online dating site hoping to filter through guys who were not in her same family situation.

 

She created her online dating profile to focus on the things she thought would be fun to do on a date. What she left out were her core values around her family life. So, it makes sense that she is attracting men who don't have the same values.

 

If you want to attract your perfect partner, your online dating profile should reflect your top 5 core values.

 

The Importance of Marketing Your True Self Online [15:03]

 

Marni says not putting your values in your profile will cause unnecessary dating and sifting through men who won't fit into your life. If you make your values known, the right guy who has the same core values will be attracted to your profile.

 

Whoever you are dating, especially if they have never had kids, they will never understand what it is like to be a mom. The guy needs to understand that no matter how good the relationship is, their wants and needs may become a secondary.

 

To Write the Best Online Dating Profile:

 

  1. Lean in to your true self and your core values. What it is like to be a good parent?
  2. Make sure the right guy knows he needs to share your values.
  3. Let him know that you will make time to make him feel special.
  4. Paint a picture of what the relationship will look like.

 

Market Yourself to the RIGHT Guy: Jesse’s Homework  [23:58]

 

Marni gives Jesse some homework that will improve her dating life and increase her chances to meet Mr. Right.

 

  1. She needs to write down her core values.
  2. She needs to consider what she is doing in her life that reflects those core values.
  3. She needs to remove her current online profile and write a new one that paints a picture of her core values.
  4. She needs to forget her old story and lean into who she really is.
  5. She needs to shift her mindset from having kids while dating is an asset, not an issue.

 

To all the ladies out there who are struggling with the same dilemma —

 

The more self-accepting and authentic you are the higher your chances are to find the right guy who knows you are his dream girl.  

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Nov 30, 2018

Do you need help dating and understanding men?

Do want insights on what real quality men do, think and feel?

Would you like to meet a quality guy NOW?  

 

Marni welcomes Chris G. to the podcast to walk women through what a man is thinking when he is looking for more than a hookup. Chris helped build the awesome manimal profile and is an active member of the man panel.

 

Don’t You Forget About Me: Why Men Orbit [4:54]

 

Orbiting is when a guy stops calling and texting but still likes your social media posts and pics. So, why would a guy do this? It can be frustrating, especially if you liked him.

 

Chris says men like to keep women on tap until another option becomes available. If a woman has made her intentions clear and the guy doesn’t share the same relationship values then by not blocking him she is just contributing to the behavior. Chris believes that women are masters at keeping men available to them and maybe women want men to stalk them.

 

If a woman truly wants to move on she:

 

  1. Removes the things that may trigger her past.
  2. Remembers that guys don't change even if they see how awesome you are.
  3. Contemplates why she is keeping her options open?

 

If you want to move on make yourself un-orbital!

 

The Secret to Getting a Man’s Attention [12:45]

 

Even in beauty soaked Los Angeles, Chris and his friends put less value on physical attractiveness when using Bumble or Tinder. He says “beauty always wears off.” He loves intelligent conversations and laughing with the right girl, the right combination is important.

 

But, THE best and most empowering way to meet a woman, for a man, is for him to go up to her ‘live’ and start a conversation.

 

That’s why Marni and team teach the special secret sauce to women which helps them to really stand out online. They create photos that are evocative of who the woman really is.

 

Chris’s advice —

 

  • Don't be vanilla in the corral of online dating. Stand out.
  • Use your real life smile. No duck lips.
  • An authentic smile is sexier and more attractive to a man.
  • Be real, be you.

 

A man’s goal ultimate goal is to attain a sustainable relationship where the woman and man have integrity and shared common values.

 

Make Yourself Available for a Real Life Encounter with a Quality Man  [23:41]

 

If a real-life connection is what a woman truly wants then why do women close themselves off? Sitting with resting bitchface, arms closed, acting uninterested are all ways to block communication attempts from a quality guy.

 

Chris wants to see a woman who isn't fake or blocked off. It shouldn't be a trial by fire for someone to approach you. No one wants to fight through the armor. He says women are about love. It's their feminine energy that men will fight wars and build temples for. Because men need a woman’s love.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Nov 9, 2018

In this special one-year later coaching update episode, client Julie shares the positive direction her life has taken since following the Release, Reveal, and Rejuvenate process. Julie is a smart, successful woman who thought that leaning into her feminine would be perceived as weak. She is now in a relationship with a man who shares her passions and values.

 

It’s Now or Never [2:21]

 

Before contacting Marni, Julie had been dating a guy on and off for about 5-months. Just keeping the relationship alive was costing her her friends and her self-worth. If he called she would drop whatever plans she had just to see him. She felt if she didn’t take the time and the effort with this guy she would never meet another high-quality guy.  She felt like it was her last chance to find true love.

 

She felt like she was leading and pushing the relationship towards where she wanted it to go. She started struggling with depression. All of her thoughts became consumed with him.  She was doing things for him but nothing for herself. On the outside, Julie looked like she had it all together. The rest of the world had no idea Julie was losing herself over a guy.

 

The crisis point came when he canceled a weekend trip with little to no explanation.

 

After being coached by Marni on the podcast, Julie had the verbal framework and the courage to have the conversation she needed to have. But, she waited two months to get the words out because she was afraid of what the outcome would be. She knew it would be a game changer for her. She truly believed there were no high-quality men in her future.

 

Reveal, Release, Rejuvenate [14:27]

 

Julie realized she was in her masculine and trying to control and create instead of going with the flowing and being the person she truly is. There was no room for the guy to be in her life or to get to know her. She recognized she needed ongoing support. She joined the Reveal, Release, Rejuvenate process.

 

What made the reveal, release rejuvenate process different than other personal development work she had done is that in just 10-weeks she was able to overcome her limiting beliefs for the long-term. By focusing on finding herself instead of finding a man, she was able to let herself be seen in all aspects of her life.  

 

Spending time in her feminine allowed Julie’s core essence to blossom and be comfortable with being seen.   

 

Then Versus Now: How Julie Changed Her Life  [21:47]

 

In just one year after working with Marni’s program, Julie says she is no longer on antidepressants, her work life is amazing, and she has multiple opportunities to do the things she loves. She is now in a relationship with a man she calls emotionally intelligent and kind. They share common values and passions.

 

So, what changed for Julie?   

 

When Julie started changing her beliefs about herself and showing more of her true self to the world she started attracting things and people she deserved. She used to think that being in her feminine and being vulnerable made her weak. But, after the Reveal, Release, and Rejuvenate process she feels comfortable sharing her hopes and fears.

 

Six months ago, Julie says she never would have believed that she could be in a relationship that feels so natural.  

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Nov 2, 2018

On dating sites, do you just look at profile pics and pass up guys before even reading their profiles? Are you attracted to guys who only contact you sporadically or worse, stand you up? In this coaching session, Marni unravels the reasons why Susan always falls for the wrong guy, why she doesn’t truly feel safe dating, and how she can create an emotionally safe space for herself.

 

Where Are the High-Quality Guys? [1:17]

 

Susan started online dating four months ago and has chatted with a lot of guys but isn't finding men she feels match her. She did like two guys but they were both emotionally unavailable. The last guy she dated stood her up three times. She knows he doesn’t bring anything to the table. He is basically a crumbs guy.

 

Susan asks Marni these key questions about online dating:

 

  • There are plenty of men online but none she believes are high-quality men. Are her expectations too high?
  • How do you start communication with a virtual stranger?
  • What are the right questions to ask potential dates to qualify or disqualify them?

 

Susan’s limiting beliefs are:

 

  • She is too much.
  • She has lost the feminine energy.
  • She likes being in a powerful position.

 

Vulnerability is Not a Weakness [6:35]

 

Susan shares her experience of chatting up someone who she finds incredibly sweet but she has already envisioned the challenges they would possibly face in the future. She is afraid of being hurt, rejected, or disappointed.

 

Susan doesn’t truly feel safe dating and is showing up as being emotionally unavailable. Marni points out that it may stem from her early childhood when her father died when she was only 11-years-old. She learned that love isn’t safe and being in control is important for her.

 

The problem is when you are emotionally unavailable you attract other emotionally unavailable people.  

 

Creating Emotional Safety [19:50]

 

Marni asks Susan to be reflective of her choices when dating. What is driving her decisions? Does she just want what she can’t have due to the losses she endured in her life?

 

When Susan creates her own emotional safety she won’t need to control every situation and she can show up in dating feeling really good about who she is.

 

The most self-loving thing she can do is to put her dating on hold and focus on her own emotional needs right now.  

 

How Important is Physical Attraction in Online Dating [30:05]

 

How important is a potential date’s physical appearance when browsing profiles online?  

 

Marni recommends reading a guy’s profile first. If his core values match your core values then consider how attracted you are to him. Studies have shown that if a man meets a woman’s core values his attractiveness automatically increases.

 

When dating online, screen a profile for values first then consider the photos.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Oct 26, 2018

Ladies, learn to market yourself online and off and treat your online dating profile as your personalized dating service. Image and Flirting Coach, Kim Seltzer joins Marni to share her top tips for attracting the high-caliber man you’ve been looking for. Sexy isn’t an accident. You will want to update your profile immediately after listening to this episode!

 

Are Your Limiting Beliefs Getting in the Way of You Finding an High-Caliber Guy? [3:34]

 

There are many things women tell themselves that get in the way of them finding the right guy.

 

Do you have these limiting beliefs?:

 

  • Are you confident on the inside and you don’t think you need to worry about your outward appearance?
  • You don’t make the most of your sexiness because you want a man who wants you for your intelligence.
  • You discount how beautiful your body is by wearing clothes that are too big for you.

 

If you want to change your life then ditch these limiting beliefs and change your image. Image is — how you are perceived by other people.

 

Are you sending guys mixed messages about who you are and what you want by hiding yourself under the wrong clothes?

 

To attract a male, a sexual partner exudes a sexy, feminine image.

 

How-to Portray a Sexy Image Online [10:17]

 

A Match.com survey found that women should look directly into the camera and smile because if you look in another direction you may be perceived as aloof or bitchy.

 

Kim’s Top Tips for Your Online Dating Pics:

 

  • Have a full body shot in a dress.
  • Less is more. You are only as good as your best picture.
  • Pics should show your beautiful, feminine self.
  • Be approachable in your pics. Body language is key.
  • Consider what a guy would like.

 

At the end of the day, men love women who love themselves. So, let your best self shine through!

 

How-to Portray a Sexy Image Offline [25:53]

 

Sure sweatpants are comfy but is that what you want a guy’s first impression of you to be? Research shows that a first impression is made within 30-seconds of meeting a person. So, if you only have 30-seconds to attract a high-caliber guy what should you do?

 

  1. Wear a dress. Men love it and you will feel feminine and sexy.
  2. Wear heels. Big, chunky heels can show off your calves just as much as stilettos.
  3. Wear something that makes you feel good and showcases your best features.

 

Ultimately, you want to be the person you want to attract. If what you are doing currently isn’t working you need to change it up and marinate in your feminine.

 

If you want to find the high-caliber man you desire, make an appointment with the Dating Den experts at DWDVIP.com.  

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

The Charisma Quotient Podcast

The Charisma Quotient Website

Oct 19, 2018

The Host of the New Man Podcast, Tripp Lanier joins Marni to tell us how we can finally learn how to understand men!

 

Tripp coaches people to start doing what they were put on this earth to do. He is a self-proclaimed Personal Development Jackass. He experiments with life by doing 10-day silent meditation retreats, plant medicine journeys, he designs businesses to support a simple lifestyle and he is in connection with really important people!  He imparts the truth today so listen up ladies.

 

Why Do We Still Act Like Children When We Should Be Mature by Now? [3:19]

 

The acting like a child mentality is not specific to men, women can be guilty of this too. It stems from our childhoods. We come into this world completely helpless. Someone else nurtures us when we cry, bitch and moan. And, some of us never get past that. This is why Tripp is on a mission to make people aware of this trap as he offers advice on how to pull them out of it.

 

If this is a pattern we all fall into, how do we recognize it and snap out of it? Tripp says, taking full responsibility for our own actions based on the kind of relationships we want can be a big step in the right direction. The hard part for most people is they attract a certain type of person based on the type of person they are. If you attract someone who needs fixing, you may have a need to be in control. If you want to attract the kind of person you desire in your life you may need to open up and be vulnerable.

 

Do Quality Guys Wait Around for a Woman to Open Up and Be Trusting? [10:51]

 

Men find walled-up women painful to be with. It doesn't feel good to them to be with someone whose heart is closed. Only guys looking for a project will date fixer-uppers,  the rest will go home with the fun, flirty type of girl.

 

When dating, are you being playful, accessible, and do you take risks? Or, are you trying to be safe and control the situation?

 

Just be yourself is age-old and sage advice but it’s the best way to enter a relationship.

 

Is He Relationship Ready? [17:32]

 

There is no telltale sign that a guy is ready for a relationship. Tripp says when the dynamic is right then a guy is ready. It's not aforethought. He doesn't think "OK, today I will find someone to have a relationship with."

 

Men want to be loved and appreciated for who they truly are. And wants to feel alive in a relationship.

 

Why Do Men Ghost or Refuse to Commit?  [21:52]

 

Men are humans and as humans, they fear discomfort and pain. When faced with an uncomfortable task, like calling someone to say they are not interested, they avoid it. That is why men ghost.

 

There is no winning when we make assumptions about someone.

 

If your guy refuses to commit or never brings the subject of commitment up, Tripp says he probably just doesn’t like you enough to commit.

 

Ladies, don’t block yourself from having a great man by putting him in a box before you really get to know him.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Tripp Lanier

The New Man Podcast

Oct 12, 2018

Marni welcomes Tiffany into the Den to get some guidance on how to step up her dating game and to let go of the anxiety dating a new guy brings into her life. Tiffany shares the personal details of her latest encounter with a guy she has been dating for three weeks.  

 

Ladies, if you have any anxiety around dating this call is an important one. It can help you step out of old patterns and find the right guy for you.  

 

Is This Guy Just Like Every Other Guy? [2:06]

 

The guys Tiffany normally dates follow a similar pattern. They are hot and heavy and make it all about her early on and then they back off without her knowing why. The guy she is currently dating has just backed off after she sent a text questioning his interest. When he didn't respond in the way she wanted, she started worrying that he was about to back off too.   

 

Could This Have Something To Do with Me?  [8:00]

 

First things first, remember ladies it is always about you and not about the guy. Tiffany is replaying a childhood issue of abandonment over and over again in her relationships. When she is single she is fine and can take care of herself, but when she starts dating she is triggered and gets anxious,because she isn’t in 100% control of what is going to happen.

 

In general, if a guy thinks he is responsible for someone else’s self-love and emotional wholeness he’s going to back off.

 

Until we deal with our core abandonment issues we should pull a ‘Costanza’ and do the opposite of what first comes to our mind.

 

When you feel yourself drift into scared and anxious:

 

  1. Instead of being mean to yourself, talk to your little girl and talk yourself through your feelings.
  2. Realize that one person not texting back or showing up has nothing to do with why you are feeling anxious.
  3. Pivot away from taking control of the relationship and instead take care of yourself.

 

Men say what they mean and mean what they say so listen to them when they talk to you.  

 

Takeaways & Next Steps for Tiffany [24:37]

 

Now that Tiffany realizes she may be reliving her childhood abandonment issues in her dating life, she can take the steps to heal and start to finally attract a different type of guy.

 

Marni gives her strategies for sending healthy text messages and inquiries if a future guy starts to ghost her or if she just feels as if the relationship isn’t giving her what she wants for her life.

 

Tip: If a man gives you a disclaimer, listen to him. He means what he says!

 

Make a Connection:

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Shola Kaye Website

Oct 5, 2018

Marni welcomes Communications Expert Shola Kaye into the den to share her personal experience of overcoming fear and quietness to become a communications coach, public speaker, and professional singer.

 

Shola’s work has been featured in Harper’s Bazaar, Marie Claire, Forbes, and on the BBC. Her mission is to help women become powerful communicators, build businesses, careers, and relationships using speaking as a tool. She is the author of How to Be A D.I.V.A. at Public Speaking and her new book, Speak Up on the Spot.   

 

Shola’s Personal Development Journey [3:01]

 

Shola had always viewed herself as an introvert. Originally from the UK, she found herself working as an Account Manager in the US. She knew she was quieter and always felt tongue-tied as compared to her US colleagues. She didn't have the confidence to share her ideas. And, in our show and tell society people who don't speak up can get lost, or hide. When she was let go from a temporary contract job because of her communication skills, she knew it was time to go on a personal development journey.   

 

Shola’s quiet demeanor even impacted her dating. Guys just assumed that because she was quiet she didn't have an opinion. Her relationships would normally end with her blowing up because she was offended by something a guy did when she had never told him it bothered her.  

 

If Shola’s story resonates with you, know that you can be empowered to become an effective communicator.  

 

The D.I.V.A. Framework  [8:30]

 

In her book, How to Be a D.I.V.A. of Public Speaking, Shola created a framework to help women know when they may be over or under sharing.

 

Dynamic

Inspiring

Valuable

Authentic  

 

Shola says some people have difficulty being dynamic in their communications because they fear of being judged or they fear not getting the response they intended to get.

 

To be more engaging and dynamic practice interacting with people more. If it’s a presentation at work, ask questions from the group. If you are on a date, be playful and ask light-hearted questions. In both cases, a little bit of humor can go a long way.

 

Flex your communication muscle by doing one thing every day to get you out of your comfort zone.  

 

How to Overcome Fear & Be Your Authentic Self [18:36]

 

Shola works with clients to understand fully who they are, what they can be, and how they can be ‘that’ in any situation. She says it’s important to be proactive about who you can be.

 

She created the 10-10-10 exercise to help get women out of their negative self talk. Do this when you start falling into negative thinking:

 

  1. Write down a negative statement about what could happen in a given situation.
  2. Write down a neutral statement about what could happen in the same situation.
  3. Write a positive statement about what could happen in that situation.
  4. Now focus on the positive statement and release those negative thoughts!

 

Tip: Stuck in your head? Squeeze your butt cheeks together to bring you back to the present and slow your thoughts down!

 

How to Be a Good Communicator & Stay in Your Feminine [22:34]

 

In the workplace, many women believe that in order to compete they need to stay in their masculine but in dating this can lead to disaster. Men are with women for the softness. If we are tough all the time it makes it difficult for a man to take the masculine role and really care for us.

 

To exhibit your softer side, two good habits are:

 

  1. Let other people speak first and really listen and acknowledge them before sharing your perspective.
  2. When asking someone for something you want be sure not to assign blame and don't create drama when you react to something.

 

Make a Connection:

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Shola Kaye Website

Sep 28, 2018

Do you resonate with wanting someone who doesn’t want you?

 

Nicole visits the Dating Den today to ask Marni for guidance on how she can move past her current crush. For over a year she has wanted more yet he refuses to give any more than necessary to keep her around. She wants to find a guy she can have a fulfilling relationship with and who fits into her vision of the future.  

 

The Backstory [2:16]

 

Nicole met Adam at the gym. He was often busy or had an excuse for why he couldn’t go out with her so she got the hint early on that he wasn't interested. But, when she started dating someone else he called her and started paying more attention to her. Then again after three weeks of him canceling dates, the relationship fizzled. They continue to have sex and stay over at each other’s houses but he shows up when he wants or when he needs something, not when she needs something.

 

It bothers her when she asks him to do something and he puts her off.

 

Why Nicole Sets Herself Up to Be Rejected  [7:39]

 

She was hopeful, but also a little scared about asking Adam on a day trip. She wanted to share some special time with him but she knew he would probably say he was busy. She mentally prepared herself to be disappointed because he often lets her down.  

 

Marni discovers that there is a pattern in Nicole’s life of asking for things and then being disappointed. When she was younger, she would ask her mom for things but would often get disappointed. She believed it wasn't fair so she continued to ask until she got her way. She internalized the experience as rejection, yet she persisted.

 

The role we take on in our early family life often bleeds into our adult life. Nicole is still trying to get her mom to say yes and to love her. She is staying in a space that is comfortable and familiar to her. Her younger brain is in control and she is addicted to rejection. This makes Adam her perfect dysfunctional partner. He leaves a trail of emotional crumbs and she feels connected with him when she picks them up. He gives her an opportunity to be of service.

 

Have you tried something over and over even though you know it doesn’t work? It may be because you don’t know any other way to address the situation.

 

How Nicole Can Get Real Connection[26:29]

 

In order for Nicole to achieve feelings of validation and connection instead of rejection and disappointment, she needs to recognize her patterns and ask herself high-quality questions when she feels like contacting Adam. She should make sure her actions allow her to stay committed to her visions of being in a healthy relationship within the next year.

 

When she shifts her beliefs and actions she will attract men that are connected to her values. Beginning a good relationship shouldn’t be hard.  

 

Remember ladies, date with dignity!

 

Make a Connection:

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Sep 21, 2018

Do you refuse to date a guy because he doesn’t make six figures?

 

Will your Mr. Right to take care of all of your debt?

 

Ladies, money and love go hand-in-hand in the den today. My guest, Kiné Corder has over 20-years experience in the field of finance, she is a financial therapist and she is the host of the Prosperity Report podcast. She is also a bestselling author, a sought-after international speaker, she has been on Good Morning America, Oprah, and Entertainment Tonight. Her wellness company just launched the ‘Presidential Lifestyle’ to help couples become a winning team in love, life, and money.

 

Can Money Really Buy Happiness? [4:23]

 

Technically yes, money can buy happiness but Kiné says, "There is a dollar sign associated with almost everything we want or need. It's the knowing what will actually make us happy that is the hard part." Getting some financial therapy can be a great way to drill down to figure out what happiness means to you and then help you to go out and grab prosperity.

 

The phrase ‘money can’t buy happiness’ is used so often that many people get confused about the role money plays in their lives. When people do get money they buy things that don't make them happy just to align with the programming they received about money from their parents or early influencers.

 

It is possible to shift your financial mindset.

 

Women Can Be Successful in Business & in Love [6:50]

 

Ladies, you can have it all just not at the same time. Everyone wants to have it all but do you really want to juggle everything at the same time. Kiné warns that if you are leaning into your profession, then you are leaning away from something else. Don't lean so far you tip over. 

 

Are you an ambitious, independent woman who doesn’t realize she is pushing men away?  Men don't marry the independent woman they just stay for a while because they are intrigued by her. Men want to share their life with a responsible woman. They want women to support them in their goals.

 

What is Your Money Personality? [13:34]

 

It’s important to recognize your money personality because it will impact how you choose a man.

 

There are 5 Key Elements of the Money Cycle:

● Earn

● Grow

● Protect

● Gift

● Enjoy

 

And, There are 7 Money Mentality Types:

 

● The Spender

● The Saver

● The Blamer

● The Enthusiast

● The Hero

● The Artist

● The President

 

How you handle money is closely related to how you give and receive love. If you want to find out which archetype you are take the online money quiz on Kiné’s website.

 

Love Tip - The right guy should share your values about money. It’s not all about the dollar signs.

 

Strategies for Healthy Money Communications [26:43]

 

It’s okay to have conversations about money early in a relationship, says Kiné. The more vulnerable and trusting you about your values, love and financial, the better your relationship will be. 

 

6-Steps to having healthy conversations about money:

 

1. Learn your Money Mentality

2. Discover your idea of prosperity

3. Be a lifelong learner

4. Have a money day once a month

5. Delegate challenges and lean on your strengths

6. What you focus on expands

 

Be sure to open up about your debt too. It is perfectly normal to have healthy debt. Shift your old programming and learn for yourself what the best financial strategy for you is.

 

Shared values are imperative for a relationship to succeed.

 

Make a Connection:

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Kiné Corder

Prosperity Report Podcast

Sep 14, 2018

Ladies this show will help you take action and gain the understanding that organizing your space makes a difference in your ability to create love in your life.

 

My guest today, Lisa Woodruff is the Founder of Organize 365, Creator of the 100-Day Home Organization Program, and The Sunday Basket Workshops. She is also the author of the books, The Mindset of Organization: Take Back Your House One Phase at a Time and How ADHD Affects Home Organization and the Hostess of the Organize 365 Podcast. 

 

She helps women reclaim their homes and their lives!

 

Taking Charge of Your Organizational Skills [4:09]

 

It’s all about mindset. Lisa says, “Typically your outer world is reflective of your inner world.” If you are struggling in love know that you may be holding on to stuff based on the future you thought you would have.

 

It's all about the internal work. Do you use a disorganized house as an excuse for not dating? The excuse serves as a reason for you not to be vulnerable and let someone in. When you get your place clutter-free and exactly how you want it, then what?

 

Emotional and environmental reasons are the two biggest reasons single people don't throw stuff away. There is a lot of stuff that can’t be recycled. It's an environmental issue.

 

You may not know how to let go of possessions because they also serve as your memories.

 

The Best Rooms to Organize First [10:30]

 

The Kitchen or the Master Closet is the best place to start taking control of your life. As a professional organizer, Lisa starts with a client by spending 15 minutes on removing everything from a single drawer in the kitchen. They take everything out of the drawer, consider its usefulness, and get rid of whatever doesn’t make an impact in their lives. Then, they move to the closet and start with the shoes.  The goal is for you to come home and enjoy yourself, your house, and your life.

 

How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Couples Who Combine Households [13:41]

 

The number one issue when a couple moves in together is making sure there is even territory. A new home is easier for couples to move into because decisions about the spaces are done together. It may be more difficult when one person moves into an existing home that the other person has occupied. In this case, Lisa recommends getting a storage unit when making the initial move, especially if there are kids involved.

 

Then, go space by space and discuss as a couple who will be using the space more frequently and defer to them for the tools and supplies they need in that space. It's really important that each person in the house have their own space.

 

 

Strategies, Tips, and Tricks to Overcome Excuses [21:01]

 

If you are making excuses for why you are not de-cluttering your life consider,  has there ever been anyone in your situation who has done what you want to do? If someone has done it, then there is no excuse for you not doing it. It can be done!

 

Lisa’s 100-Day Organizational Program was designed to go beyond surface de-cluttering. It teaches discipline. She recommends starting in the Master Bath or the Laundry Room. Go in for 15 minutes every single day until there is nothing left to do. Once you have one done room move to the next. It doesn't matter how long it takes you because you are learning the discipline of decluttering and organizing. You are pushing yourself through the hard stuff.

 

And, her trademark, Sunday Basket is an organizational system for all the household paper in your life. It could be letters from school, bills, reminders, etc. It's a box that sits on your kitchen counter and everything goes in the box. Handle all of those responsibilities on one day instead of letting papers pile up.

 

Walk through your house as if you are going to put it on the market.

 

Make a Connection:

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Organize 365

Organize 365 Podcast

Sunday Basket Workshops

Sep 7, 2018

Mike Goldstein is back in the den for updated online dating advice. He is a successful private, one-on-one dating coach who has gotten 83% of his clients into a relationship! He is a public speaker, an author and has been featured on The Today Show, in Readers Digest and Shape Magazine. His unique methods for analyzing data from multiple online dating sites ensures his clients are in the top 5 % of successful daters. Ladies, heed this man’s advice!  

 

How to Find Someone You Like on Match [2:41]

 

Mike says all of his methods are based on math and science. It’s basically a numbers game. With his 50/12/1 rule, the woman sends out 50 emails to men based on their profile picture. 12 men normally respond and then she chooses the 1 she likes best from the responses.

 

Having a quick, 10-minute phone call can help ease a woman’s mind if she doesn’t feel comfortable yet. After that, let the man know you are ready to go on the date. Mike says to limit dating to one good date a week though to avoid confusion.

 

Men want to know what the endgame is and are happy to get to the date as soon as possible, so ask him out!  

 

Playing the Game & Getting the Info  [11:53]

 

Ladies, once you get to the date enjoy yourself. Be honest and if you had a good time end the date with a heartfelt thank you and tell the guy that you had a great time. And then, DO NOTHING! Don’t text him later, don’t call him, don’t do anything. Mike says this is important information gathering time. You will find out if he likes you and how much by waiting him out.

 

Online Dating Photos and the Profile [17:58]

 

The most important thing about your photos and possibly your entire profile is that your face should only fill 8-15% of the picture box. If you have 6 amazing photos and one lifestyle photo that is enough for the guy to figure out if he is attracted to you. He checks out your photos first and then reads your profile if he is attracted.

 

It is key to be specific in your profile. A man wants stats, clear information, easy to understand pieces of information. Ladies, don’t use adjectives to describe yourself! Again, be specific. Try starting a sentence would be ‘A typical Friday night would be…’.

 

So, How Should I Respond? [36:49]

 

The goal of online dating is to find love and you may not have time to respond to every message. If you feel like every message deserves a response, Mike recommends crafting a simple ‘this isn’t a good fit’ reply message you can copy and paste as needed.

 

And, don’t get caught in the texting loop. If you are looking for love you don’t have time to waste on a guy who won’t pull the trigger.

 

Men are the gas women are brakes in a relationship.

 

Make a Connection:

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Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

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Aug 31, 2018

If you’ve ever wondered why you’re still single… why you don’t have a great guy that treats you like a priority and makes you feel beautiful and loved and safe…

 

If you have no idea why the guys you attract don’t show up for you the way you want… or why the guys you date disappear or are afraid to commit…

 

I have something Uh-Maze-ing for you!

 

In the den today, the amazingly insightful Dr. Margaret Paul explains how we can create intimate connections based on how we feel about ourselves. And why has lead you to places you don’t want to be.

 

If  you’re a smart, badass woman that wants an epic relationship, (and I know you are), you can’t afford to miss this life-changing episode of The Dating Den!

 

Dr. Paul is a best-selling author and co-creator of the Inner Bonding Self-Healing process and creator of the online Self Quest Healing Program. She has been a guest on Oprah, and her new book, Diet for Divine Connection is available now.

 

Blending Psychology & Spirituality Through Inner Bonding [3:05]

 

Inner Bonding shows you how to get to know who they really are, your soul essence. It also uncovers limiting beliefs so that you can achieve a higher love.

 

Dr. Paul says that most of us grew up with parents who didn’t have a connection with their higher self. So, we were never taught how to access our spirituality.

 

In dating, we attract in our common level of woundedness or common level of self-love. If we don’t know how to love ourselves or we abandon ourselves, we attract people who do the same thing. If we don’t have self-love we look for someone to make us feel okay.

 

4 Things That Keep You From Getting the Guy You Want [6:01]

 

Ladies, even if you feel like you have it all together you may be neglecting yourself emotionally.

 

Ask yourself these four questions:

 

  • Do you ignore your feelings by staying in your head?  
  • Do you criticize yourself or judge yourself?
  • Do you turn to addictions to avoid feelings and numb pain?
  • Do you make other people responsible for your feelings?

 

When we abandon ourselves we feel empty and we try to get love through control. But when we are filled up with love, then we have lots of love to share.

 

Send out good vibes and you’ll get good vibes in return!

 

The 6 Steps of Inner Bonding [15:21]

 

  1. Be willing to feel your painful feelings
  2. With intention consciously learn to adopt wisdom and love for ourselves
  3. Discover what you may be doing to create pain for yourself and why
  4. Access the truth about what is loving to you
  5. Take a loving action
  6. Consider the results

 

It may not be easy to put these steps into practice but there is a relief when we are connected to our higher self.

 

Dating can be fun when used as part of your learning experience.

 

Diet for a Divine Connection [25:51]

 

Dr. Paul’s new book is a philosophy-based, diet guide that helps people find high-frequency foods that allow them to tune into their bodies. For the reader, it provides a complete understanding of how to take responsibility for themselves emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally.

 

The first part of the book focuses on micro-biomes because an unbalanced gut can cause anxiety and depression. The second part of the book shows the relationship between inner bonding and eating.

 

Pick up your inner child and love them with compassion.

 

Make a Connection:

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Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

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Inner Bonding — Dr. Margaret Paul

Diet for Divine Connection: Beyond Junk Foods and Junk Thoughts to At-Will Spiritual Connection

Aug 24, 2018

In the den today, a master architect of rewiring the brain. Sherrie Toews has been a licensed therapist in California for 25 years.  She works with me on the elite program, 5 Keys to Being Irresistible. Sheri focuses in on what is causing people to be stuck and creates a fool proof plan detailing how they can break through and acquire the skills to maintain a lifestyle shift.  

 

Why Are We Addicted to Drama? [3:50]

 

At the root of being addicted to drama are deep-seated fears and insecurities from childhood. What didn't go well for you in childhood created your current self-limiting beliefs. Maybe you developed a tolerance for chaos but it still makes you feel emotionally unsafe. In a relationship this shows up when you overreact to normal fears, or bumps, in a relationship.

 

You can take back control of your life!

 

How to Overcome the Addiction [10:52]

 

Our brains fire chemical impulses constantly but the brain doesn't recognize the difference in bad stimulation and good stimulation. To the brain, any stimulation is good stimulation. If you grew up in a chaotic environment your brain got wired to want the chaos.

 

When the brain is craving stimulation it will text, call or go see the person you know you shouldn't.

 

3 Ways to Up Your Self-Esteem and Retrain Your Brain:

 

  • Replace limiting beliefs with empowered beliefs.
  • Re-learn what a healthy relationship looks like.
  • Retrain your nervous system to recognize you are emotionally safe.

 

Get used to feeling grounded and safe!

 

Signs You Are Addicted to Drama [17:07]

 

The brain wants its next hit of Cortisol or Adrenaline so you will create an environment where it is likely to get it. If you relate to doing any of the things on the list below you may be addicted to drama.

 

  • Arguing and then feeling relief afterward
  • You feel empty or lost without your guy
  • You jump to conclusions
  • You don’t know when enough is enough
  • Blaming or demonizing your guy
  • Being hypercritical or hyper-aware

 

The emotional roller-coaster is exhausting but you don’t have any frame of reference of a good relationship.

 

Create Your Own Emotional Safety Everyday  [25:55]

 

Do you look to men to make you feel safe? Someone else can’t make you feel emotionally safe or good enough. It is time to heal those wounds and build trust within yourself. You are worthy of love and respect!

 

Take control of your love life.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Schedule A Breakthrough Session With Us

Aug 17, 2018

In the den today, proof that it is possible to change your brain to create results to bring love into your life! Marni speaks with Psychologist, Dr. Rick Hanson about how to use good things to manifest more good things in simple, daily steps.   

 

Dr. Hanson is the New York Times bestselling author of Hardwiring Happiness and Buddhist Brain. He is the host of the Being Well Podcast and his Being Well Program demonstrates how to use positive neuroplasticity to grow skills and strengths like resilience and self-compassion.

 

How to Change Your Brain [3:25]

 

Dr. Rick says that life turns out the way it does based on a combination of 3 factors:

 

  • ● The challenges that wear on you
  • ● The vulnerabilities that pierce through
  • ● The resources you draw upon to deal with challenges and vulnerabilities.
  • The greatest opportunity to change our brains is to grow psychological resources like mindfulness, compassion, self-worth, and interpersonal skills for navigating the dating world. We always have influence over our minds.
  • To develop more happiness inside and feel more confident you need to fundamentally change your brain for the better.
  • To become a happier, wiser, more resilient person involves changes between your ears!
  • There is nothing we can do about the past but we can always grow more resources for the future. There may be conditions in our lives that are outside of our control but our brains can help us control the outcomes we have from those experiences.
  • The Fundamentals of Personal Growth [8:33]
  • The brain is the regulator of the body. For us to take on a new outlook or to create flow, creativity, possibility, and peace, the brain needs to change. Each neuron is a microprocessor in our brains and we have several hundred trillion microprocessors computing in our favor. The brain is the Enchanted Loom that continually weaves the tapestry of our experience. We are full of possibilities. We can use it to feel more worthy of love, less vulnerable, and entitled to good treatment from other people.
  • To reprogram your brain follow this 3 step process:
  • ● Stay with the experience for a few seconds longer. Don't let the world distract you. Sink into good experiences.
  • ● Feel it in your body - Get a sense of action related to each experience. Internalization is critical!
  • ● Pay attention to what is rewarding about the experience.
  • Look for the good in something, have good feelings about it and take in the good experiences. 
  • A good opportunity to internalize the benefits is during your self-care practice.
  • The Brain’s Negativity Bias [22:44]
  • Dr. Rick reflects back on early history to describe why our brains are alert and naturally hold on to negative experiences. Those processes were a helpful tool in the past but in today’s world they may work against us creating ‘learned helplessness’.
  • The harder your life is, and the less the world is helping you the more important it is to look for opportunities that are under your control and take them in. Internalize them
  • 3 Ways to Deal When You Are Upset [26:34]
  • When feeling upset Dr. Rick recommends:
  • ● Feel your feelings and observe them mindfully
  • ● Release what is negative or painful. Let it out!
  • Grow the good.
  • Then we can welcome in something good to replace the released feeling.
  • Let the bad pass you by but hold on to the good until it fills you up! 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Rick Hanson

The Being Well Podcast

Foundations of Well Being

Aug 3, 2018

Ladies, are you super frustrated with men right now?

 

Would you like to deepen your ability to connect with them?

 

In the den today, a man who is multilingual. He speaks both man and woman. Robert Kandell is a veteran who after spending time in Corporate America, went on to build an eight-figure business based on relationship, intimacy & sexuality.

 

He's a teacher, coach, and lecturer whose mission has been to help men find themselves and use their internal power to live their best life. He is the host of the Tuff Love Podcast and his book, unHIDDEN: A Book for Men and Those Confused by Them is soon to be released.

 

Why Men Hide Their Sensitive Side [2:45]

 

Robert says it's a tough time to be a man. People put a lot of expectations on men today. It creates a society of silence where men are taught to play small and to hide their feelings. There is no space for them to discuss their challenges. Men get a lot of confusing information.

 

Men don't have the emotional acumen or awareness to know when to bring a mix of their masculine and feminine sides to the conversation.

 

 

How a Woman Can Create a Deeper Connection with a Man [6:41]

 

If a man is willing to explore his feelings, he's a keeper. A man needs to feel safe before he is willing to share. Women can make a man feel safe by telling him she is ready to explore, expand and grow with him. But, she needs to make sure she doesn't become a coach to the man.

 

How Can Women Support Men Through the Me Too Movement? [9:43]

 

Men have been seeing programs for changes for women since the 1970's. But on the flip side, the powers that be didn't create complimentary programs for men to help them deal with intimacy and emotional intelligence. Girls went through and up-leveling and the unintended side effect was that programs for boys became stagnant. 

 

The Me Too movement gave women permission to release all the rage that has been underneath the surface for generations. And, instead of men stepping up to the challenge of meeting a modern woman they decided to stand aside.   

 

Women need to forgive the past trespasses of the patriarchy. Forgiveness can bring re-connection and intimacy!

 

What Does a Modern, Healthy Relationship Even Look Like? [20:16]

 

Robert says the way to build a modern, strong couple is:

 

1. Patience is important! Yelling 'Man Up' doesn't promote growth in a relationship.

2. Reward and approval instead of punishment for evolutionary changes.

3. Use humor and curiosity together.

 

If you are looking for a man who will give you what you need, set your boundaries. Know going in what you will put up with. Women tend to have scarcity, limit their beliefs and bypass their boundaries when dating. Create a high bar for men. If you set your bar high you tend to attract men at that level when you set bar low, you will attract a lower level man.

 

Men don’t think like women. Don’t get mad at a man for not acting or reacting like your girlfriends do.

 

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Tuff Love Podcast

Kandell Consulting

Jul 15, 2018

In the den today, we empower single mommies to get out there and get the money they deserve, and the sex they really want without any shame.

 

Today’s guest, Emma Johnson is an award-winning financial journalist, podcaster, and author. Her book, The Kick-Ass Single Mom is THE ultimate resource for single mothers who are unsure of how to navigate the new waters they are swimming in. It guides women through achieving financial independence, positive parenting, co-parenting, healthy dating and how they can thrive as a professional, single mom.

 

Dating for Single Moms [10:29]

 

Where is it written that moms are not supposed to date? Embracing your womanhood after a broken relationship can be empowering and fun. It isn’t shameful for a single mom to date, enjoy her body or have sex. So ladies, embrace your humanity. It will be expressed to your kids in a positive way.   

 

Remember, dating is not about finding a husband. Do not be shamed socially for having your own identity. Women should take pleasure in the fact that they are educated, and have the right to create their own happiness.

 

Marriage is a Risk for a Woman [17:58]

 

Emma answers the basic questions single mothers have about getting married again, financial impacts, and how men react to a woman’s success. She says women downplay the fact that they are able to have it all. It’s all about women owning their own lives and not focusing on external forces.

 

Make it work based on what you want for yourself, not what is expected of you.

 

How a Single Mommy Can Handle it All  [25:24]

 

Everything else will fall into place if single moms make these three things a priority:

 

1. Assess where their time, energy and money are going

2. Outsource stuff and focus on running their businesses

3. Take care of themselves

 

Whatever your hang up is get out there and get over it.

 

Truth: Men love pussy more than you hate your body!

 

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Wealthy Single Mommy

The Kick-Ass Single Mom

Jun 24, 2018

In the den today, we discuss loving ourselves for who we are, appreciating the spectacularly ordinary things about life and living in the present. If you struggle with always wanting more and never being satisfied this episode will get you started on your path to enoughness.

 

Today’s guest, Geneen Roth is the author of ten books including three New York Times bestsellers. She works with people on their body image issues during retreats and has been featured on the View, Oprah, the Today Show and more. She is the Guru of Gratitude and the Siren of Satisfaction.

 

Janene Shares Her Personal Struggle [4:28]

 

Janene struggled with her weight and with food for many years starting at the tender age of 11. She always felt fat and repulsive. Then she realized it wasn't really about the food. Food was just her way of expressing her internal self-loathing and the belief that she was repulsive. At her core, she believed she was unlovable and damaged.

 

She would radically change her diet, switching from coffee and cigarettes to Atkins to Weight Watchers.  All she really wanted was to relax and love herself but instead, she used food to express her lack of self-worth and self-respect.

 

If I (fill in the blank) Then I Will... [7:44]

 

Not everyone has a challenge with food but everybody has the 'if...then' mentality. Janene says it is a human dilemma that displays our inability to be in the present moment. Our minds are always projecting and living forward. The challenge for us is to learn how to show up today.

 

So, how do we move from fixing ourselves to finding ourselves? Janene advises us to stop where we are, take a breath and become aware of who and where we are. In her new book, This Messy Magnificent Life: A Field Guide, Janene writes about disengaging from our judgemental voices. Our judgemental voices are not our friends. We should ask ourselves ‘what is not wrong right now?’.

 

98% of us are worrying about the future instead of appreciating now.

 

Practicing Gratitude  [24:05]

 

Being grateful for the ordinary, unremarkable moments in life is a surefire way to finding joy in our everyday lives. When we ask ourselves ‘what isn’t wrong right now’ we start to appreciate all the things that are right.

In our quick-fix culture, everyone seems to want everything right now. But, changing the way we think requires more than a one-time effort. Janene says we need to take small, daily steps to become comfortable with a new practice. It’s all a process in This Messy Magnificent Life.

 

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This Messy Magnificent Life: A Field Guide

Geneen Roth

Jun 17, 2018

In the den today, How to integrate a healthy, time-proven macrobiotic diet into your existing lifestyle.

 

Today’s guest, Denny Waxman is a global leader in macrobiotic education. Through the Strengthening Institute he has researched the diets of humans throughout history. The one consistent reality he found in past civilizations is easily digestible whole grains and vegetables are the keys to a healthy diet.

 

Denny is an internationally recognized Teacher, Counselor, and Writer on health, natural healing and macrobiotics, He has empowered thousands of clients with the ability to overcome a variety of health issues including low energy and infertility.  He also works with people who have cancer, type 2 diabetes, heart problems, and obesity.

 

What is a Macrobiotic Diet? [2:53]

 

When Denny’s team researched eating patterns from all over the world every culture had similarities. People have always subsisted on grains, beans, fruits and mushrooms. And, since human bodies run on glucose we need carbs. There are healthy, unrefined carbohydrates that are friendly to the body but you may not find them in a pastry.

 

When people say macrobiotics is a fad diet it false because it is the only way of eating that is not a fad. It's simply recorded history.

 

Grain eating people everywhere on the planet are thin.

 

Mindful Self Care Winds Back Our Biological Clock [5:45]

 

With a healthy diet and lifestyle practices we can literally turn back our biological clocks. If we take care of our body’s largest organ, our skin, when it renews itself every month it will serve us well for many, many years. One practice Denny recommends is rubbing the skin gently with a warm cloth to enhance circulation.

 

Date Foods to Reduce Bloating [19:04]

 

It seems to go against everything we hear in the media today but Denny says traditional Italian primavera pasta, salads, soups, and mexican foods are the best options to order on a date. Why? Because they digest easily and don’t cause that yucky bloated feeling. 

 

When in doubt, start with a soup. Soup activates digestion and can smooth the digestive process. Plus it’s filling so we feel satisfied.

 

Healthy foods have complete and balanced nourishment. Healthy habits beget healthy habits!

 

But I’m too Busy to Cook, What Can I Do to Be Healthier? [23:17]

 

It’s better overall to slow down and cook a healthy meal but busy women don’t always have the time. Denny says there are healthy restaurant options, canned, organic beans, and fresh take-out options.

 

Healthy food choices include:

 

  • ● Miso Soup
  • ● Raw, organic sauerkraut
  • ● Umeboshi Plums
  • The modern lifestyle and most of our food choices are acidic. This can cause unnecessary stress in our bodies. When we alkalize our bodies with healthy food options we feel clearer, positive and energetic. 
  • It takes a little effort to be healthier but it is totally worth it.

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Denny Waxman

The Strengthening Health Institute

Jun 10, 2018

In the den today, insights that will change the way you date!

 

Returning guest, Jordan Harbinger creates the life he wants to live. He offers up advice on how to deal with rejection and why it is important to trust your gut.  

 

Jordan has been called the Larry King of podcasting but of course is younger and much better looking. He is a Social Dynamics Expert. As host of The Jordan Harbinger Show, he deconstructs the playbook of super successful people and translates it into practical, consumable pieces for those who want to learn and live the life they desire.

 

Listen to Your Gut [9:25]

 

Jordan compares his previous career break to a relationship going sour. He knew he should leave his past career but his future was uncertain. He didn't have a clear plan and was apprehensive about 'losing' what he had. Then when things started to get really bad and an amicable split was impossible, he drew on his family and friends for emotional support and successful entrepreneurs for business advice.

 

Make a list of your assets and what you bring to the table to reflect upon when you need encouragement.

 

Are You Really Being Rejected? [20:50]

 

If you go out with someone a few times and you like them but they don’t like you in the same way it can feel like rejection. But, rejection seems to only happen early in a relationship when we get hung up on a person. Rejection is just an illusion of having a deeper relationship than what actually exists. Sometimes, we feel rejected but the other person just has a shallow filter. Kind of like when you limit your dating to only tall guys. It’s not that short guys aren’t a good fit for you, it’s that you never give them a chance.

 

Men stop contacting a woman for a variety of reasons. It is not because there is anything wrong with the woman. Men either aren’t ready for a relationship at that time in their life or the woman just isn’t a good fit.   

 

Guys want to settle down at different times. It has little to do with women.

 

Baggage Claim - Lose Your Luggage [30:50]

 

Jordan says women should be able to go out and have a good time on a date without constantly bringing up their past relationships. It can be overwhelming for a man to hear about a date’s past relationships when he just wants to have a drink and have fun.

 

Ladies, let your guard down! Don’t put your shield up if no one is attacking you.

 

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The Jordan Harbinger Show

Jun 3, 2018

The World’s Best Sex Educator is in the den!

 

Today’s guest, Lou Paget has been researching human sexuality for over decades. In the early 1990's, she began organizing women's focus groups on sex. She “turns on” the world with accurate information about sex. She facilitates seminars, educates people on the merits of sexual forrays, fantasies, fallacies and fears in a safe and open forum. Her books include, How to Be a Great Lover, and How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure: Totally Explicit Techniques Every Woman Wants Her Man to Know. She has been featured in Cosmo, GQ, Jane, Real Sex TV and now she’s with Marni in the den.

 

What’s Up with 69? [6:59]

 

Lou says, the issue with 69 is that it takes women so much effort to drop off all outside stimuli to just focus on the physical. A 69 makes it hard to focus because there are so many things happening at once. Men are into it because they see it in porn, and in magazines. They have been programmed to like it.

 

Use 69 as foreplay and make the main course something more intimate.

 

The Biggest Questions Women Have About Sex [10:06]

 

If you are wondering why you can’t reach orgasm during intercourse you are not alone. It’s not like in the movies where couples always climax simultaneously. If you want to climax manual or oral stimulation is best. Women are more likely to reach orgasm when they are on top.

 

And, if you want a man to do what feels good to you, learn what you enjoy. Be open-minded about trying new things. If you want to try adult toys, ask your partner if they are open to the idea. Don’t be shy, it’s just sex.

 

Only about 20% of women orgasm during intercourse!

 

Trends in Sexual Health [23:33]

 

Stem cells occur naturally in the body but the use of them for sexual health is very trendy right now. Lou says if a woman has lost elasticity in her clitoris or labia during menopause, stem cells or platelet-rich plasma (PRP’s) can be injected locally to bring back the fullness of tissue and improve bladder control function. Men can use stem cells to alleviate erectile issues.

 

Erectile Dysfunction is Real [27:43]

 

For men over 40, erectile dysfunction is a very real condition that can make having an erection iffy. If they are stressed, on medication or not frequently masturbating it will be something a female partner needs to consider. The use of antidepressants can cause sexual dysfunction for both men and women.

 

Don’t let erectile dysfunction stop your sexual fulfillment. Touching can be as arousing as penetration. There are many other ways to achieve sexual intimacy.

 

You don’t have to have intercourse in order to be satisfied sexually.

 

Make a Connection:

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The Establishment

Lou Paget Books

Lou Paget Website - Free E-Book

May 20, 2018

Breaking up is a big deal. Are you doing it for the right reasons?

 

Have you had just about enough of his inability to talk about your relationship goals? 

 

During this coaching session, Marni works Erin through her indecisiveness about breaking up her one-and-a-half year relationship with a nice guy. Because, it's normal to feel confident and decisive and then face fear and uncertainty.

 

We all have to make decisions, acknowledge the pain of change and to move on from it in the healthiest way to learn and grow from it.

 

 

The Relationship Backstory [2:42]

 

The guy Erin dated for approximately one-and-a-half years was unable and unwilling to share. He didn’t understand why she wanted changes in the relationship when he wanted things to stay the same. She had to make a decision to stay in the relationship and play small or get out.

 

Honest and open dialogue was the value piece that was missing from their relationship. It was a deal breaker and a core value for her. Her ex had a pattern of avoidance. He would get defensive and to mask the pain he would put it back on her. Bottom line, he is emotionally unavailable.

 

Do you feel you have to mute who you are to avoid conflicts in your relationship?

 

How to Work Through Communication Issues [12:55]

 

Marni recognized that during the couples conversations they would skip understanding each other’s feelings and would head straight from strategy. Erin would go into coaching, teaching, and fixing but her feelings never became part of the conversation. It always became geared toward her ex.

 

Erin realizes she would have an expectation that they would spend time together but would never gain agreement from her ex that they had a concrete plan. She would feel like she wasn’t important to him.

 

Erin wanted to hear that she was important to him and that he wanted to spend time with her. In the future to connect to shared values or to have a common desire with a partner she should have a curiosity conversation to find out how he feels.

 

Her relationship was missing these three non-negotiables:

 

1. The common value of open communication and dialogue.

2. No one took responsibility. 

3. There were no common relationship goals.

 

Why He Isn’t the Guy for Erin [27:01]

 

Erin has a strong desire for growth and she needs a partner who can talk through conflict.

  • ● She wants someone with similar values and relationship goals.
  • ● Her desire for connection and intimacy could not be met with avoidance.
  • ● She values growth which is the very thing that is holding her back.
  • ● She needs to understand and feel her feelings.
  • It is possible to feel pain BUT it’s okay!

Make a Connection:

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