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The Dating Den

Each week on the podcast, I’ll be interviewing the world’s top experts in attraction, dating, communication, sex, and relationships, as well as coaching real women LIVE, through their real life dating challenges… that are probably a lot like yours!
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Now displaying: 2018
May 18, 2018

Do you cringe at the thought of telling your new guy how much you like him?

 

Have you ever held something in your heart but been unable to speak it out loud?

 

Has someone hurt you and ten years later you wish you would have said something?

 

Well, today’s guest, Tristan Coopersmith, is here to help us connect and amplify our inner voices to create an authentic life. Tristan helps people unlock and unleash their true voice.

 

She is a licensed psychotherapist and a creative guide who helps women heal and release their past wounds so they can be free to identify, explore and share who they are. She is the Founder of Life Lab, a women's self-development sanctuary in Hermosa Beach. She conducts classes on self-love, self-awareness and personal growth. Her book, Menu Dating: Taste-Test Your Way to the Main Course is a must-have dating guide.

 

Our Voice is Our Portal to Freedom [4:57]

 

Tristan believes if we can completely unlock and fall in love with our voice, and believe that it's meant to be heard all barriers are eliminated. She says, our inner voice is our inner knowing. It's the voice you hear when your eyes are closed and your gut tells you it’s the truth. It is this voice woman tend to be scared to listen to.  Women often quiet their inner voice but we should be embracing it and using it to guide us through life.

 

If you want to connect to your inner voice when you are indecisive, flip a coin. 

 

Effectively Expressing Our Truths [10:39]

 

Listening to our inner voice and translating it into our outer voice is an actual skill. It doesn’t matter how old we are if we have never learned how to do it we will have difficulty expressing ourselves.

 

When our communications chakra is developed in between the ages of seven and twelve, it sets the stage for the rest of our lives. If we only hear no, no, no it can have a big impact on if we believe if speaking our voice really matters.

 

Dismantling Communication Blocks [13:34]

 

If we try to avoid conflict in the outside world we only create a conflict within ourselves. Most of us have 5 or 6 core values that we base our decisions on. When someone doesn’t honor our core values we get shaken up on the inside.

 

Tristan says if something has offended you, consider if it goes against one of your core values and how long will it actually bother you.

 

Stepping Into Integrity and Speaking Your Mind [17:51]

 

We can't fix other people we can only speak our truths. Tristan says it is important not to take on someone else's issue on as our own. It is easy to create stories about our worth based on other peoples actions. But, it's not healthy. We can only speak up for what we want with integrity based on our core values.

 

Bring forth apologies from a place of authenticity, not from a place of not feeling worthy.

 

Tap into your inner voice and say what you mean without being apologetic for it. Authenticity is attractive and it feels good!

 

Make a Connection:

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Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

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Life Lab Hermosa Beach

Menu Dating: Taste-Test Your Way to the Main Course, by Tristan Coopersmith and Todd Johnson

Apr 22, 2018

Do you buy stuff just to pass the time?

 

Do you keep stuff around just in case, maybe one day you will need it? 

 

Are you the most important person in your life?

 

My guest, Peter Walsh is the New York Times bestselling author of Let it Go: Downsizing Your Way to a Richer, Happier Life. He offers consultations for organizations to improve employee satisfaction and effectiveness and with individuals who want to declutter their space. You can catch him and his message on television, radio, and Youtube.

 

How to Get the Relationship You Want by Clearing the Clutter [3:56]

 

Stuff maybe concealing who you really are. Whether it is physical stuff or emotional stuff it may be keeping you from the relationship you really want. If you buy stuff to pass the time or in search of the happiness it is supposed to bring you may be using it to hide your true nature.

 

The two main types of clutter we have in our homes are memory clutter and the ‘I might need it one day’ clutter. We often hold on to memory clutter even when it has a malignant, negative effect on our lives and our happiness. Consider all your stuff and ask yourself if those items help you create the vision of the life you want to live and the relationship you really want.

 

What do you want from your life, your home, and your relationship?

 

Stuck in the Past? [15:36]

 

Peter says when we hold on to our memory clutter it only serves to keep us stuck in the past. Until we can let go of the memories we can not move forward into the future we deserve.

 

From the time they were little girls, many women are trained to constantly try to achieve perfection. But that is in direct conflict with creating the life they really want.

 

Clear out the clutter and watch children dance in the open space! 

 

Strategies to Clear the Clutter [20:06]

 

If you want to stop procrastinating and really work on removing your clutter, Peter recommends these three strategies.

 

  1. 1. Give time to what is important to you.
  2. 2. Remove the word later from your life.
  3. 3. Do the Trash Bag Tango.
  4. Start with your physical space and it will be reflected in your emotional space. 

Make a Connection:

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Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Peter Walsh Design

31 Days to Get Organized Challenge on Youtube

Apr 15, 2018

Have you accepted the life that’s been handed to you instead of the life you desire?

 

Let's get you out of meh and into marvelous.

My guest, Mary Shores is the best-selling author of Conscious Communications: Your Step by Step Guide to Harnessing the Power of Your Words to Change Your Mind, Your Choices, and Your Life. She is a Speaker and an Entrepreneur who started her empire at the age of 24. She blends her personal experience with neuroscience and human behavior to generate positive and pragmatic solutions for businesses and individuals who wish to defeat the freak-out and to create their ideal life.

 

Mary Openly Shares Her Story [3:10]

 

Mary was abandoned several times as a child. She says it planted a seed that grew into her becoming a teenage mother who lived on floors in emergency rooms with her child who had severe brain damage. As traumatic as her situation was it helped to build her strong character. She was a high-achiever who started her own business at 24. When she married she had little understanding of marriage or relationships and the relationship ended in divorce.

 

Dating in your early 20's is different than when you are more mature in your 30's and 40's.

 

Why Smart Women Do Not-So-Smart Things Around Men [7:33]

 

Smart women repeat patterns in their love life they would never do in their work life. When a smart woman attracts an emotionally unavailable man it may be a sign she needs to look inward to find the root cause because we attract what we are.

 

Women who are high-achievers often try to be something other than what they are.

 

Drop into your authentic and be more of who you are! 

 

Hacks to Defeat Fear and How to Get the Life You Want [15:58]

 

Our journey through life is not necessarily supposed to be a graceful one. Mary suggests creating a one-page action plan for growth. Decide on the ‘Core Four’ goals you would like to achieve and then reverse engineer what you want the outcome to be. Get specific about what it is you truly want and then dissect the steps needed to get you there.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Mary Shores

Fearless Ambition Facebook Group

Heartline Retreat at the Monroe Institute

Apr 8, 2018

How well do you communicate your wants and needs?

 

Do you nag your partner and get hyper-sensitive about differences?

 

My guest, Andy Horning breaks down the challenges couples face and strategies to get them to experience the beauty of a real relationship, scars and all! Andy graduated from the University of Michigan. He is a Couples Therapist (and my couples therapist). He is the host of the Elephant Talk Podcast and he is a Teacher at THE institute for personal growth, The Hoffman Institute.

 

The Biggest Challenges Couples Have [2:46]

 

Couples often say the challenge in intimate relationships are bigger, deeper, and harder to crack than in any other types of relationship.  It’s because vulnerability plays a big part. When blending two lives together, it is hard to know when to give up or when to lean in and work through it.

 

Couples tend to make the other partner wrong in order for them to be right. Andy says it's good to separate your beliefs from the person you are dating or in a relationship with.

 

Do you know how to ask for what you want?

 

The Litmus Test of Love [10:11]

 

Andy encourages couples to notice and engage in differences. He says it is okay to notice and be aware of differences but not to the extreme of micro-managing your partner. The important thing is to talk about your differences with your partner from a place of understanding. Individuals in a partnership should own what they are feeling and then let go. It’s not their job to play both sides of the court, so to speak.

 

Vulnerability is super important, but it’s not easy.

 

Interest-Based Negotiations [17:46]

 

Going deeper into each person’s needs and interest can help couples work through difficulties or misunderstandings. When we stand shoulder-to-shoulder with our partner and put the issue in front of us, instead of between us, it is easier to work together to solve it.

 

The Damaging Myth of Romance and Love [22:17]

 

Andy says we should understand love comes with disagreements, discomfort and person growth. It doesn't come with a neverending unbridled joy. That's only in fairy tales and the mythology.

 

Looking at disagreements as a normal part of coupledom instead of letting differences put pressure on your relationship is key.

 

Couples can use intimate partnerships to create damage and pain or to get everything they want in their lives.

 

  Are You Feeling Disconnected? [30:05]

 

Andy says integrity is of the utmost importance when we communicate. Our internal message should match our external message. Our needs wants and vulnerability is important to express.

 

If you can simply say to your partner, “I’m feeling disconnected” it can make all the difference to your relationship.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Andy Horning

Apr 1, 2018

Can you surrender your pain to a higher power?

 

Are you wallowing in your negative thoughts instead of preparing for your soulmate?

 

My guest, Arielle Ford is in the personal growth and contemporary spirituality movement. She has spent 30 years living, teaching and promoting consciousness through all forms of media. She is a brilliant speaker and co-creator and co-host of Evolving Wisdoms: Art of Love series. She is also the author of 11 books. Including the extremely influential, The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the Love of Your Life with The Law of Attraction.

 

Her deceased sister, Debbie Ford was internationally recognized for her work in personal transformation. She was a pioneering force in the study of the human shadow. Her recently discovered book includes deeply personal stories about her own personal journeys. It is a practical plan for transformation.

 

In today’s episode Arielle shares how her sister’s prayer book came into existence through the spiritual and physical realm.

 

How Did Debbie’s Prayer Book Evolve? [3:55]

 

Arielle was invited to experience a session with friend Channeler, James Van Praagh to talk with her sister Debbie's from the spirit world.  Debbie requested, and then insisted, Arielle, write a prayer book with her. A few days later, Arielle contacted Debbie's office and found out Debbie had already written the manuscript for her prayer book! Your Holiness: Discover the Light Within was then published shortly after.

 

There is an unseen higher self we can call upon to hold our hand through life.

 

Manifesting Love Through Quantum Science [19:23]

 

For those looking to manifest a soulmate, Arielle says the law of attraction states that we draw things that match our state of being. If you are in a state of feeling unlucky in love and unlovable, you are repelling love.

 

The Universal Truths of Quantum Science:

 

There is no time

We live in the field (Divine Matrix)

 

So, we are already connected to our soul mates! Start the relationship you want with your soulmate right now. Don’t be judgmental or overly hard on men. For some people, attraction takes a while. Just trust and have certainty.

 

What is Love? Baby Don’t Hurt Me [26:29]

 

Arielle divulges that real, adult soulmate love is not just a feeling. It’s a behavior, a practice, and a decision. There will be days when you do not like your soulmate. They may not show up in perfect form but they may be perfect for you.

 

Ladies, give a guy a second chance. Love takes time.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Arielle Ford

Debbie Ford to Buy Your Holiness: Discover the Light Within and Get a Chance to Have a One-on-One Reading from James Van Praagh

#certaintybitches

Mar 18, 2018

How do you know if you are emotionally available?

 

Why do you think you are responsible for both sides of the relationship?

 

In this coaching call with Angela, we look at some limiting beliefs she created a long time ago that are still affecting her today and strategies to help her transform her dating life and personal relationships.

 

She recently separated with a drawn out break up. a serious relationship from the beginning. She started online dating & has met someone she likes.

 

What Exactly Does it Mean When a Man is Unavailable? [3:43]

 

A man who is not available emotionally, may not be willing to talk about and be open to everything a relationship requires.

 

Angela and her past partner couldn’t move past the stressors. They were constantly in fight, flight or fright mode. Angela has her love shield up to guard her heart due to a childhood need to be accepted and loved by her father. During her parent’s divorce, she felt the same longing to be able to make it all work out well. She created a limiting belief that she wasn't important enough.

 

Her foundation principle is to take care of everything, including herself and that she is responsible for taking care of the people in her life. In her developmental years, Angela became a surrogate spouse instead of a daughter.

 

How to Have a Great Relationship with the New Guy [16:57]

 

Angela's new relationship seems to have all the right pieces but she is still hyper-vigilant about trying to control the situation. She fears she still needs to be responsible for everything that happens.

 

Angela’s homework:

 

Don't take responsibility for others,

Collect data about whether, or not, her partner can meet his own needs.

Recognize the triggers that make her feel not worthy.

She should get her pre-frontal cortex back online with breathing exercises.

She needs to work on her own emotionally unavailability. 

She should have an unwavering confidence in who she is.

 

You can't be a little girl in a grown-up relationship!

 

Angela’s Key Lessons and Takeaways [32:53]

 

If Angela wants to commit to truly understanding of what a real relationship should look like she should:

Recognize her partner can handle himself, 

She doesn't need to be responsible for everything and everybody.

Become aware of her own transformation.

 

Being emotionally available attracts emotional availability.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Mar 11, 2018

Are you are tired of waiting for Prince Charming to materialize but want to be a mommy? 

 

Do you like to party but still want to have a healthy baby?

 

Will having a baby make your life complete?

 

My guest is a Scientist specializing in reproductive health, human flourishing and the intergenerational transmission of health. She lost her mom during her own birth so she has made it her life's work to walking women through the path to motherhood.

 

She is head over heels in love with her partner, she is a mother of two and baby #3 is on the way! Can you feel the gestational energy?

 

Should I Freeze My Eggs? [6:06]

 

For women, freezing eggs can serve as a type of insurance policy. If you haven’t met your Prince Charming yet freezing your eggs can give you the extra time you need to meet Mr. Right. But, if you want to freeze your eggs, Dr. Cleopatra recommends doing it during your prime reproductive span rather than later in life. Women can also take steps to preserve their fertility naturally by taking care of their bodies and living life like they are already pregnant.

 

 

Dr. Cleopatra's 3-Month Plan to Pregnancy [14:25]

 

If you have the right tools, Dr. Cleopatra says you should get pregnant within 3-months or less. Psychological and physiological pre-conceptional preparation can make all the difference when trying to conceive.

 

Women are born with all the eggs they are ever going to have. Eggs start maturing while we are still in our mother's womb but there is a final process that takes shape three to four months before they are released into our bodies. The goal is to make our eggs the best they can be BEFORE you need them.

 

Ladies, start being conscious of your fertility. Take your dream of being a mom into your own hands. *This sense of empowerment can attract amazing partners to you.

 

The way you live can strengthen or weaken chances of having healthy eggs.

 

Stress Levels, Nutrition and Exercise [24:56]

 

Stress changes the hormones in our bodies and fertility is affected by every system in our bodies. One critical system is the digestive system and the digestive system is a system profoundly affected by stress.

 

Food is an integral part of the well-being of your mind, body, and spirit. Nutrition and exercise can be vital to fertility and to having a healthy pregnancy.

 

Body fat levels can affect your ability to conceive but use caution and don’t overdo workouts! 

 

The Lifecycle of Motherhood [32:00]

 

Motherhood starts when you decide you want to have children. From that moment on, get clear about your priorities and take your future into your own hands. Actively create the relationships you want in your life, your health, and your fertility.

 

Ask yourself:

 

What do I want?

What do I need?

What are my values?

 

Empowerment is the best medicine!

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Dr. Cleopatra

Mar 4, 2018

Did you know you are broadcasting your past heartbreak all over the place?

 

If you have chronic pain or inflammation you may be in chronic survival mode.

 

Lisa is the Founder of the Neurosculpting Institute. She has a Master's in Education, a Foundation Certificate in Neuroleadership. Certificates in Medical Neuroscience, visual perception in the brain, neural biology. She is the Author of New Beliefs, New Brain: Free Yourself from Stress and Fear. She is the founder of neuro sculpting modality yoga. 

 

Neuroplasticity Trains the Brain [6:26]

 

Through neuroplasticity, a person is able to edit and adapt old patterns or create efficient new patterns. The brain changes its structures and functions with use. Training, repetition, exercise, focused thought, meditation, and nutrition are all tools for hacking old patterns. 

 

The brain is designed to keep us safe. It stores all of our memories in a retrievable way. If first experiences are painful it will assume future experiences will be the same way.

 

Our past experiences are a blueprint for our future experiences.

 

How the Body Plays Its Part [12:55]

 

The body feels all of our emotions and can broadcast our emotions out to the world. We emit small micro-contractions in our muscles which other people’s subconscious can pick up on. They can become uncomfortable around us or even have feelings of distrust.

 

Emotional and physical pain share multiple neural pathways in the brain which means heartbreak is a physical pain in the body.

 

Fear of betrayal may elevate your heart rate!

 

Resolving the Story Inside of Ourselves [17:10]

 

Right now you may be priming your body for all the things that come with being in chronic protection mode.

 

If you are experiencing:

 

Elevated Heart Rate

Hypertension

Brain fog

ADD

ADHD

Inflammation

Chronic Pain

 

It is more than likely from your body existing in an undealt with states of chronic survival mode and elevated self-protection.

 

Hacking the Neural System [21:10]

 

Interrupting your thoughts requires much more than awareness. There are daily physical practices you can do to help pull you out of the repetition. Food creates all the pieces in the brain necessary for emotional regulations. Food makes neurotransmitters for emotional regulation and food gives us the fuel to push the pause button on our survival behaviors.

 

The minute your diet is out of balance you will reach for your initial self-protective patterns.

 

Lack of self-care creates unhealthy environments for ourselves.

 

When the foundation of our subconscious stories says that love in unsafe even the best mantras won't help our cause.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Join Lisa's Online Community

Feb 25, 2018

Have you let a guy treat you like an option while you treat him as a priority?

 

Do you need to raise your love limit?

 

During today’s call, Courtney learns how to get back into integrity with herself after she has become fed up with a long-term relationship she doesn’t feel safe in. We discuss setting boundaries, feeling emotionally safe and how to live our vision.

 

More than a Lack of Commitment [1:52]

 

Courtney met James nine years ago but their relationship hasn’t progressed the way she wants it to. They are very close and she knows he has commitment issues. Courtney has made it clear to James that she wants to find a full-time partner. When she brings the subject up, James says doesn't want to get married, tells her to accept their relationship as it is and then hides for two-days before reappearing.

 

She doesn’t trust him and thinks he has been with other women during their nine-year relationship.

 

Honesty is the best policy.

 

Stepping into Integrity [7:41]

 

She doesn't feel emotionally safe in the relationship. In all other areas of Courtney's life she exudes integrity but in her relationship with James her words and actions are not matching up. She knows that she is compromising herself because she fears finding another person to date. She has an upper limit problem.

 

 

Stop Talking and Start Doing [13:14]

 

When James comes out of his hidey-hole, and to live in integrity with herself, Courtney is going to tell him the relationship is not what she wants. She needs to start thinking about herself, what her long-term goals are and where she wants to be in five years. She is going to set her boundaries and start living as a woman committed to her vision.

 

Moving Past the Pain [19:35]

 

Once Courtney aligns herself with what is important to her she must do what is right for the little girl that she created this pattern to protect. Even though she knows it won’t be easy, with confidence and grace she will end the relationship with James and start trusting herself and her gut again.

 

Find personal freedom by being integrity with yourself.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Feb 18, 2018

Are you a pleaser and an achiever? Does your voice get muffled by fear of conflict?

 

Do you accept your partner’s choices and then sulk about it for hours?

 

Do you put up walls to keep you from engaging in conflict?

 

This episode is about resolving conflict in relationships. Conflict is unavoidable,  so, you may as well embrace it and learn to get what you want without ruining your relationships.

 

My guests today are the founders of Thrive! They specialize in helping leaders, teams, and companies deal with ever-changing business dynamics to ignite creativity and innovation. CrisMarie and Susan are speakers and they co-authored the book, The Beauty of Conflict. In relationships, they help partners with power struggles and create healthy, resilient relationships by teaching couples how to communicate and set boundaries.

 

What Opportunities Do People Miss When They Avoid Conflict? [8:57]

 

Talking about differences can really elevate our relationships. Differences can create a spark of sexual tension, in a good way. If we can explore each other's differences we can get closer. We can reach intimacy through engaging in different opinions and ideas of our partners.

 

Make friends with the fact that conflict is happening.

 

 

Strategies to Help You Handle Conflict [11:59]

 

When faced with conflict you may want to run away from it or stand and fight it. Susan says the first step is to take a deep breath and then feel your feet and your seat. Bringing your energy back into your body and settle your nervous system by becoming conscious of some part of your physical body. Then, speak up, say how you are feeling and then ask for what you want from the other person.

 

Engage the other person in a conversation and invite a response. "I have a preference of..." is a great way to let the other person know what you want. It's time to get interested in your partner and ask them what it is about their choice interests them so much.

 

Overcoming the Need to Be Right [20:30]

 

Don't fall into to the trap of the right/wrong energy by using these three opt-out styles:

 

1. Always Right

2. The Accommodator

3. The Separator

 

Setting Boundaries that Stick! [23:36]

 

Be careful not to set boundaries that are designed to control the other person. Boundaries must be set based on your beliefs and they should be flexible. Consider if your boundaries are rules or walls that only assist you in avoiding conflict? Make your voice heard.

 

Being vulnerable doesn't always show up as soft and gentle it can also show up as angry and frustrated.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

The Beauty of Conflict by CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke

Thrive Inc.

Beyond the Right/Wrong Trap - TEDx Talk

Jan 28, 2018

Do you keep repeating old patterns even though you know it’s not what you want?

 

Do you search for a partner that helps you play out issues from your past?

 

This week I welcome Dr. Sheldon Kardener back into the Den. I am in awe of his deep understanding of how emotional complexes can be developed and how they can be treated. He currently serves as a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA and he is the Author of the incredibly insightful book, Breaking Free: How Chains From Childhood Keep Us From What We Want.

 

Dr. Kardener’s philosophy is that from the beginnings of our lives we have behaviors and patterns and emotional expectations from our early relationships and it shapes the way we function and over time we start to realize undesired outcomes. During this episode, he shares his strategies for how to get rid of the past and find a healthy relationship!

 

How are we chained to our past? [3:48]

 

If something in our past saved us emotionally we can cling to it forever even if we no longer need it in our lives. If the pattern we are clinging to is dysfunctional we will see problems in our relationships as adults. We may even recognize the issue but be unable to break free of it. 

 

Recognize the need to optimize instead of beating yourself up!

 

Steps to Get Rid of the Overplayed Script That is Your Life [10:20]

 

We have a deep emotional investment in our stories. Because we feel lost without them and we don't know how to fill in the gaps if we let that shit go. It can feel like we have lost our way of being in the world.  Even if we make a shift we may be so uncomfortable in the new situation that we try to invoke our old story in an attempt to comfort ourselves.

 

4 Strategies to Gain Connection and Intimacy [21:20]

 

1. Name the nature of the conflict you are in with the other person.

2. Consider what are you doing that maintains the ongoing conflict?

3. Quit the game and let go of the story.

4. Create a new pattern.

 

Make a Connection:

Visit Our Website

Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!

Follow us on Instagram @thedatingden

Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!

Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP

Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates

Breaking Free: How Chains From Our Past Keep Us From Getting What We Want, by Sheldon Kardener and Monika Olafsson Kardener

Jan 19, 2018

Is there a disconnect between your love life, and everything else in your life...?

 

Are you afraid that you don’t understand the whole man/love/relationship sequence as well as other women…?

 

When you do meet man you think you like, have you ever heard the feedback that he felt ‘no chemistry’...?

 

The truth is, there’s a hidden emotion that is SUPER common among high-achieving, single women…

 

And you’re probably shooting yourself in the foot with men, without even knowing it.

  

My guest today is the amazing Dolan Mayeta, author of The Shame Hack:Four Simple Questions to Help You Resolve Shame and Feel Understood.

 

He believes shame can be overcome with strategies that work within the logical brain to get to the emotional brain. This book can help you discover the truth and heal the hole in your heart.

 

Avoidance Techniques that have Become Habits or Behaviors [6:01]

 

Dolan tried feeling his feelings but he got frustrated when his shame wasn't going away. He says if you don't feel worthy, then you don't realize how much you can disregard opportunities. Smart, successful people sabotage themselves every day by:

 

  •       Rationalization - Knowing the why won't change how you feel.
  •       Distractions - If you are super busy you don't have the time to feel your feelings.
  •       Inhibiting Defensive Behaviors - If you control the situation and conversation it leaves very little room for feedback.

 

When you feel overwhelmed by emotion, take a pause to see what you are avoiding.

 

Are You Really Feeling Your Feelings? [9:43]

 

Dolan says wallowing, or sitting in your feelings, is not actually feeling your feelings. If you don't let the feeling come through your body, that is how you avoid it. If you are crying you are feeling the sadness not the reason behind what made you sad in the first place. Learn to recognize the underlying issues that make you feel a certain way.

 

Recognising Shame & Getting Over It [11:46]

 

Remember ladies, shame is a feeling. It’s when you feel not enough in some area of your life. There is a physical aspect to shame it can look like embarrassment or an elevated body response. Just like anger, there is a somatic experience that comes with shame.

 

Shame limits the depth of your connection and once you start to feel shame you will put up your defenses. You may put your burdens on others by thinking a relationship is the answer. But, others cannot fill the hole inside of you. You must do it for yourself.

 

Recognize you are in the midst of feeling shame. When you feel sad you cry and you recognize it as sadness. Do the same for shame.

 

It’s up to you. I know you can bust through all your programming and write yourself a new story!

 

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