Marni asks the Master Coach of the Institute for Living Courageously, Sherrie Toews, to explain ways to fix your online dating process to increase your chances of finding real love. For 25 years, Sherrie has been a licensed therapist in California. Her work focuses on what causes people to be stuck, and she creates a foolproof plan detailing how they can break through and acquire the skills needed to maintain a long-term lifestyle shift.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Marni and Sherrie share that they see attractive, reasonably smart people sabotaging relationships every day. Even if they think they are not sabotaging a relationship, they unconsciously are.
It all goes back to our belief system. In childhood, when we hurt or had to deal with something that wounded us we formed little Who's as coping mechanisms to keep us from getting hurt again. This can also happen in our teenage and early adult lives when the hurts and wounds were profound. Think once bitten, twice shy. The little Who's form negative beliefs about ourselves, our worthiness, and our lovability. Or, negative messages about other people, aka men.
If we don’t become clear about what we want from life, the little Who's will still be making our decisions unconsciously. When they appear, they can seem like the truth, but they are sabotagers that keep us stuck!
Even if you think you have read everything there is about getting unstuck, there still may be unconscious pieces that can wreck your dating results and block your path to finding real love.
An example of a limiting belief is — Men just want to have sex. Sherrie reminds us that when a high-quality guy is giving us a compliment about our beauty or shape, we will whittle it down to a derogatory comment. But, remember, men are physical, visual creatures.
No matter how smart you are you may still be a victim of limiting beliefs.
Shifting Your Mindset [9:17]
Are you too picky when you discount a guy after only seeing his profile? Sherrie says, making snap judgments about men is a way you are collecting evidence to fit into your limiting belief. The little Who is influencing your decisions!
Instead, if you look through the lens of being open-hearted, values-based, and extending men goodwill, and credit there is no such thing as settling. Be curious about who the picture you are looking at truly is.
We are made for connection. If you are looking for a man online you are searching for a connection.
Stop These Online Dating Mistakes Now! [17:57]
Promiscuous self-disclosure is a mistake many women make when messaging men before physically meeting them. They give out too much personal information such as family drama, medical trauma, or personal dharma. Throwing out issues to see what resonates with someone else is not healthy dating. It is not vulnerable.
Dating is a process. There is no need to tell someone everything about you on a first date, or worse, before ever meeting in person.
Other common mistakes are creating a false sense of connection through endless messages back and forth, not responding to date requests, and not dating more than one guy.
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