Marni and Chris Gillis dissect the dating games on this week’s physical-chemistry-laden episode of the Bachelor. The man-mountain who is Clayton, seems unable to lean into his feelings. Is he Matt James #2? Cassidy teaches us that sexual aggression is unattractive and that a friends with benefits scenario offers little space to date with dignity. And, Elizabeth can’t wait to spit her ADHD on people.
Key takeaways from this episode:
There is one contestant who makes Marni cringe. It’s Cassidy. Cassidy is over-aggressive and actively tries to make out with Clayton every second they are together. She is obviously going for the sexual connection but her vulnerability feels fake. She says I like you and she attempts to mount him. She crosses a line that is not attractive.
Clayton’s technique needs a little work. Is he a quality guy? Marni says he might have Matt James syndrome. When a contestant opens up to him and shares about her family. He speaks from his head and not his heart. He doesn't share and wasn't vulnerable. Chris says his response felt like a job interview.
When dating someone new, listen to them with an open heart. It’s not a job interview.
Victimy or Vulnerability [10:38]
Shenae calls Elizabeth out and asks her why she didn’t respond to a question or comment she made. Instead of calmly explaining that she has ADHD, Elizabeth snaps back that she processes information differently. She uses it as an excuse for her behavior instead of vulnerable sharing.
Don’t overshare your medical history, especially on a first date. It’s not being vulnerable. It’s a canned story you are using to elicit a common response. Be discerning about what you share and when you share it. You don't need to put everything out there on the first date.
Taking ownership and responsibility for a miscommunication is sexy.
Friends with Benefits [25:21]
In the episode, Cassidy offers up the unsolicited information that she has a guy she hooks up with at home. It begs the question, can you bang your friend with benefits and also date with dignity?
Marni says for women it may be a little harder. She tries to discourage clients from having an FWB on the side because it causes women to compartmentalize their feelings. It requires rigorous honesty. and it's difficult. Chris says it is easier for men to compartmentalize it and not let it bleed over into their dating life.
Cassidy just needs too much attention and she asks for it in an unattractive way.
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