Marni and Chris are joined by Reality Rayna aka Marni’s daughter Rayna Battista to recap Love on the Spectrum, a reality dating show with neurodiverse contestants. This is Chris’s favorite reality dating show because the daters are obsessed with the truth and are authentic. Marni says neurotypical daters do the same things but it’s all happening on the inside.
Key takeaways from this episode:
The beauty of honesty in relationships
How to be coachable
Finding something fun to do for a first date
Not taking things personally
Dani has her own business, loves animation, and is dead set on finding someone. She holds high standards for herself and others. She is high-functioning on the autism scale. She says she wants a business partner, lover, and best friend!
Solomon is attractive, into spirituality, and also high-functioning on the autism scale. On their first date, Dani & Solomon have crazy physical chemistry. They kiss a lot! But it throws Dani off. She wasn’t prepared for so much physical attraction. She got overwhelmed.
Dani exhibits every inner feeling of any woman going on a date with a hot guy. But she has no inner monologue, so she says to Solomon “You are so hot. I love you” and, “I think you are my person” on their first two dates. Then after date number two, she puts on the brakes. She may have sabotaged the relationship and put her guard up because it was too much, too fast.
We sabotage great possibilities because we get emotionally attached and scared. It’s a protective mechanism. We need to get clear about what we really want.
Next, Dani goes on a date with Adan. He seems to be everything she is looking for but she doesn’t find him attractive.
Subodh, Abbey, Rachel, & David [17:58]
A giant dating lesson from these dates is that dinner is not the best way to get to know another person. Subodh and Abbey went on really fun dates. They both love animals so they went to the zoo. They both enjoyed themselves and it got them out of their comfort zones in a nice way.
Also, the couples used a basic communication style which is what creates connection. Sure, Abbey got nervous when she went out with David because we all get nervous on a date when sharing things about ourselves.
Just because you are neurotypical, doesn’t mean you are supposed to know how to make connections and create intimacy.
A great example of how not to take things personally is when David asks Abbey for some of the candy he brought her and she tells him no. He says “OK. It’s probably not good for me anyway.” Abbey knows how to say no at the moment which is monumental for not feeling resentment later.
Breaking Up with Dignity and Respect [28:58]
A high-quality person will communicate even when it is bad news. For example, Dani knows it is going to hurt Solomon’s feelings when she tells him she isn’t interested in dating him again. It is hard for her to do but she respects him enough to tell him.
It is important to be forthright and treat your date the way you want to be treated.
Another example is after the medieval date, James asks Emma if she wants to go out on another date and she says “No. I think we should just be friends.” It is so brave. There are no excuses, only truth.
When you don’t say what you feel. You are assuming the other person can’t handle the truth. It’s disrespectful.
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