Marni welcomes renowned financial guru and the founder of HealthyLoveandMoney.com, Ed Coambs into the Life Check Yourself studio. Ed helps couples deal with their money stuff. He is recognized as a thought leader who offers financial therapy. He has been cited in the WSJ, AP, NYT, and CNBC. He leads couples through therapy from financial despair and frustration into financial intimacy and connection.
Key takeaways from this episode:
How to practice financial empathy
Solving money issues in a healthy way
Discover your money attachment style
The best time to talk about money when dating
Practicing Financial Empathy [1:54]
Ed says money conflict is not equal to other types of conflict. Money conflicts are more damaging to relationships than other types of conflict. Money represents security, safety, and freedom and it means different things to different people. Money can take on any meaning we give it. We use money for so many different purposes, psychologically speaking, it makes it a loaded topic.
Ed recommends having money conversations before couples commit. As a couple, we need to feel we are doing money the right way otherwise we are out of alignment. In the search for financial empathy, gather your money memories from childhood.
Money shame doesn't ever go away; it is more about what you do about it once you are in it.
We did not choose most of our early money situations. We were born into them. Those starting financial points left indelible impressions that will be with us for our entire life. If we don't reconcile and deal with them.
Money Attachment Styles [20:49]
Ed says he didn't believe that attachment style had anything to do with money issues when he first began his business. But, when he began reflecting on his money history, upbringing, and spending or saving habits he recognized the cause and effect. He says it is a challenging journey to go on, but it is liberating.
Every time you talk about money you activate the attachment system.
Early money influences can turn into a shopping habit or be the motivation to become a workaholic or avid spender if you felt you didn’t have enough as a child. Or, if you fear being rejected you may try to hide your spending habits.
For adults who are trying to form and maintain loving, safe, and intimate relationships it is important for them to form new patterns.
Make Healthy Emotional Money Decisions [29:58]
Ed says the first step into shifting your relationship with money is to become aware that you have a relationship with money. Then, work with someone qualified to help you work through it. You won't unearth your money story and shift it on your own. Make self-examination a way of life versus self-criticism and shame. And, for the love of God, enjoy your life.
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The Couples Guide to Financial Intimacy
The Healthy Love & Money Way: How The Four Attachment Styles Impact Your Financial Well-Being