Marni welcomes Emyrald Sinclaire into the Dating Den to discuss how women can manifest the man they have always wanted. Emyrald is a Love and Manifestation Coach, a Speaker, a self-love expert, and author of the book, Destination Soulmate. Her mission is to help 500,000 women manifest the love of their life.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Many women rely on their stories to guide them in their search for love. We say things like “there are no good men in my town” or “I’m too successful” or “there are no men worth my time”. Some of us argue for our limitations and unwittingly block ourselves from relationships.
Emyrald busts the myth that finding love in a remote place is difficult. She shares her story of consciously manifesting 3 men in her life. She even started a four-year relationship with a guy in a tiny, backwater town in Ecuador.
It doesn't matter where you are, you can manifest everything you want in a partner.
To manifest the guy you desire, Emyrald says it all comes down to getting clear about what you want and removing what is blocking you. And, for many women, the blocks are just the stories they are telling themselves. Is your story serving you?
Feel into what a partnership would look like and ask yourself if you can embody that level of commitment in all aspects of your life.
Be ready to commit with your mind, body, and soul.
To figure out what your limiting beliefs or blocks to finding love are, Emyrald suggests writing a letter to God. She recommends asking God to let her guidance work through your pen. Then, let the answers within your heart spill out onto the page.
Feelings caused by fear have excited angst about them. Intuition has a loving tone to it.
Remember that nothing anyone else does is about you. If you are triggered by something a partner does it is about your wounds, not theirs. Use the opportunity to grow and connect with them at a deeper level.
It seems difficult at the moment, but we can use ‘regrettable incidents’ in a relationship to grow closer to our partner. We can also learn not to be triggered by external stressors that create knee jerk reactions.
Emyrald says, open and honest communication is key.
For women, it is important they use their emotional intelligence and speak up about what is important to them from the very beginning of the dating process. Women tend to play the 'cool' girl. We act like things don't bother us because we don't want to be the crazy woman that is overly emotional. But, if we are communicative and truly understand our needs, your partner will respond accordingly.
Marni says that when we are with someone who is equally committed to the relationship bumps in the road become opportunities to grow closer.
Emotional Intelligence is a skill that can be learned.
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Marni welcomes Sex, Love, and Relationship Coach, Nicole Crane into the Dating Den to discuss flirting and consent. Nicole is Woman's Empowerment Mentor who is passionate about holistic healing including sexuality. She is a polyamorous, pansexual, sex worker who has a fetish for talking about consent and boundaries.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Women have a tendency to be uncomfortable talking about boundaries, consent, and things that make us feel unsafe due to the conflicting messages in the media and society. For decades, we have been told to be flirty, but not too flirty, be sexy, but don’t lead a man on. It’s downright confusing!
Nicole says the most important thing a woman can do it trust her gut. No matter what someone is saying verbally, trust what you are feeling. It's important to cultivate trust with yourself. If a woman knows what she wants and trusts herself she doesn’t worry about what other people say.
But, men can be confused too. Consent is very polarized. A man may want to follow a woman’s lead and respect her boundaries but if she is unclear about what she wants, they pick up on it. A lot of good men are leaning away from embracing sexuality and making the first move.
The way forward is to normalize consent and make it sexy. Practice having conversations in the mirror until it feels comfortable.
What happens when women don't speak with an open heart when they intend to set a boundary? Nicole says it can muddy the water if you say things you don't mean or you are not being clear or true. Marni calls this leaking.
If a woman feels she wants or needs something sensually, sexually, or when setting a boundary, she needs to audaciously ask for it. Don’t worry about appearing needy. It’s your experience too. If you are unsure, Nicole recommends practicing in front of a mirror until you get a full-body yes from yourself. This will prime you with confidence when with a partner.
Vulnerability is a total turn on.
It's good to embrace the things that make you feel confident. Just don't go over the top. The best choice is to be feminine, open, and flirty. If heels make you feel good wear them, if your favorite dress makes you feel curvy, put it on, just remember there is a middle ground.
Nicole, who works with men all the time, says “Men get overloaded if you come out with your A-game. They can get overloaded with desire and their brain forces them to objectify you.”
For women who feel they are not being valued for who they are and believe men just want to sleep with them, trust your gut. If someone does not value you as a human being and isn't looking for a deeper connection, trust your feelings. Say what is on your mind. If you are super attracted to the person and they explain the miscommunication, it is ok to give them a second chance.
Setting a boundary does not create a conflict. It lets a man know what you want and allows him to be honest about what he wants.
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Marni welcomes Development Coach, Author, Speaker, and Podcast Host Anahita Joon into the Dating Den. On her God, S*x, & Everything in Between podcast and in her book, Beauty Unleashed Anahita helps women restore their energy and feel more lovable. She has 27 years in personal development work and is known as a modern priestess and medicine woman.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Anahita reminds us of the unnecessary pressure put on women because of societal expectations. We are constantly bombarded with what others think real beauty is. Our beauty is not found in make-up. Everything in life is sourced from your relationship with yourself.
She recommends we learn how to see through new eyes to see our magnificence. Once you see it there is no way to unsee it. Think about the women you see that are exuding confidence and joy. It doesn't matter what they look like they are beaming.
Can you look at the mirror and love yourself?
We don't live in our bodies, we live in our minds. Most women don't feel safe to live fully in their bodies. By magnifying your sacred feminine you can radically change your life and learn to love yourself deeply.
Mother Nature doesn't make mistakes.
Anahita says that everything is vibration. There is a unique vibration that comes through your hair, skin, and eyes. It's the sacred triad. It forms a unique frequency. In her work, she studies 3500 colors to find the 50-75 colors that harmonize with a woman. Her work helps women discover the sacred feminine, the goddess part of themselves.
We have been taught that we have to mold ourselves into certain roles, to be respectable, to get ahead, or to be seen as virtuous. But, it is such a lie. We use our vital energy to fulfill someone else's expectations. Let's start directing our energy to the pleasurable things in life.
70% of all communication is visual. If we dress in harmony with our essence people will see our true nature. When you wear the colors that are in harmony with your sacred triad you get in harmony with yourself.
If your natural hair color is brown and your eyes are brown, learn to love brown. It’s the color essence of who you are. There is an opportunity to come into congruence. Fall in love with who you are.
When it comes to aging the best we can do for each other is to honor each other's choices.
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In this episode of the Dating Den, Marni has a one-on-one coaching session with Jennifer. Jennifer has decided that she would rather be alone than continue dating men who don’t fit her mold of Mr. Right for her. Marni helps Jennifer to identify what she can do to shift her paradigm.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Jennifer never thought she would be alone when she turned 50. Everyone she knows asks her how is it that she is still single. She meets possible dates online, she has done all the personal development work yet she can’t seem to find the right guy for her. When she does date someone she gives up after 3-4 dates.
She admits to being independent, knowing her worth, and her resolve to not settle for anyone who doesn’t check all of her boxes. She has recovered from some tough stuff in life and is prepared to go it alone if need be.
Marni bluntly asks Jennifer what she is protecting herself from. Jennifer opens up a bit and reveals she doesn't want to get hurt again and she feels that if she cuts off the contact first she feels in control of the situation. Marni reminds her that she is protective of her emotional safety. She puts up a giant shield to protect herself.
Is your mask of independence really an unhealed wound?
Jennifer realizes she put up a barrier to protect herself and moves quickly away when she is triggered by things she thinks will hurt her. She is attracting men who prove her right and she instinctively rules guys out when she could be collecting more data.
Marni says she will attract a whole different set of men when she is energetically, consciously, emotionally,and unconsciously more open.
The fact that she is dating guys who are dating other women shows that they are emotionally unavailable just like she is. She is consistently attracting the same thing over and over again.
Until she is 100% emotionally available she won't attract the kind of guy she is looking for.
Jennifer’s takeaways are:
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In this episode of the Dating Den, Marni speaks with International Transformational Leader, Tantra Educator, and Author of Liberation into Orgasm, Sophia Sundari.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Sophia explains that Tantra is not something crazy hippies did in the 1970s. Tantra is a spiritual path that includes all types of expressions of life. In Tantra, everything is looked at as energy, and sex is the energy of creation.
We are all spiritual beings and we all are souls incarnated. Sex is where all life begins. It is the beginning of our spiritual path. Even for those who may have trauma around sex or haven’t fully stepped into their sexual energy yet.
Sexual energy is loud because it is the root energy of life itself.
The inability to connect to our feminine energy is the root cause of so many issues in life. Tantra can help us deepen our connection and embrace our feminine energy.
Most of our sexual education comes from pornography and Sophia says it is a shame because it causes people to believe they must perform or manifest something outwardly. On top of that, women are wired to be in a multi-awareness space. We can get stuck in our heads during a sexual experience.
A conscious sexual experience when we are fully present in the moment. It’s a high form of meditation. Inviting and inspiring our partners into a conscious sexual experience is a gift of the feminine.
When we are filled up from within we don’t have to work hard to find a partner. Partners are automatically attracted to us.
Sophia shares the top 3 tips for how women can have a deep connection with their femininity:
If you are vibrating at full frequency you will attract a man that is right for you.
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In this episode of the Dating Den, Marni speaks with Speaker, Coach, and Branding Expert, Amy Ogden about genuine ways to make human connections during and beyond the COVID pandemic. Amy is the brainchild behind ‘How to Catch a Human in the Wild’ and the ‘Sufficiency is Sexy’ TedX Talk.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Amy believes in making simple 30-second connections with other humans as she traverses NYC. She makes a commitment for the day to not use her phone during her idle times and instead focuses on the humans around her. Her intention is to make someone else’s day just a little bit better.
During this pandemic, people are realizing just how alone they really are. They are begging for connection right now. She says if you are at home behind a screen, love on people through social media. If you get out of the house, love on people with a compliment.
The key to making human contact is compliments and questions. It gives you something to talk about.
Catching human connection is a social muscle you develop over time. Be fearless with love and be fearless with kindness.
As a woman, it is impossible for you to be creepy, so be the hero and start a conversation. Get rid of the boundaries and barriers you've been creating for years. Use exploratory energy to make the human connections you so greatly deserve. What if your new friend has a brother or co-worker who would be perfect for you?
Remember, it’s about collecting data to rule a person in, not rule them out. It’s so easy to get stuck in our self-imposed status quo.
Amy’s Tips for Making Connections:
In Amy’s TedX Talk, Sufficiency is Sexy: The Rest is House Money, she describes how fun life can be when you take chances. Her advice is to quit holding on to what you think is going to make you happy. When you look back, you will realize that you set a bunch of goals, achieved the goals, and then set new ones. When do you take the time to celebrate?
Imagine sitting with your younger self and telling them how great their life turns out. Take a moment to savor how awesome you have become.
You are a human being living a human experience. Don't live your life looking at screens and ignoring the beautiful souls around you.
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In this episode of the Dating Den, Marni coaches Allison, who is living in Italy trying to avoid the ‘I give up’ syndrome because she is not attracting the right guys online. She asks Marni for guidance about how to filter through her options faster and how to create a more focused approach to her dating life. Her goal is to find a guy who shares her values and vision.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Before COVID Allison was dating online and going out with people she met a few times a month. But she was overwhelmed by meeting so many guys that were different than who she thought they would be. She is really hoping for in-person chemistry.
Marni gives Allison permission to ask for an in-person date faster. She warns that Allison may be creating pseudo-intimacy with a person because the chatting back and forth mimics interest and connection. But by the time Allison actually meets the guy, it is disappointing because the connection isn’t real.
There is nothing to fear. We are all just human beings who want to find a partner.
If someone isn't willing to make a plan, it lets you know about his interest level and his integrity. Traditional gender roles don't apply until you meet. There is too much to do in today’s world. You don't need a penpal or to create a false sense of connection.
Allison says she is cautious about adding that she wants a long-term relationship and kids to her profile. Marni encourages her to be clear, direct, and her authentic self. She uses the analogy of a department store not marketing to its target market. The point hits home with Allison, who is tired of wasting time.
Your online brand should be creative, engaging, flirty, and fun.
If you create a better online brand for yourself, you are going on dates curious, open, and optimistic about whether the person you are with has the same vision and values as you. The bottom line is that you want to rock the boat and shake out the guys who aren’t what you are looking for more quickly.
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Are you ready to release your magic? In this episode of the Dating Den, Marni welcomes Intuitive Transformational Coach Stephanie Dawn to discuss how-to awaken, embody, and amplify the magic you already have inside of you. Stephanie is on a soul mission to change the idea that magic is something outside of ourselves.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Many of us seek magic in other people, a job, or something outside of us. It’s as if we expect something external to ignite the fire within us. But, what if we focused on listening to our inner magic, our intuition that tells us when we are on the right path?
Before her breakthrough, Stephanie says she was the type of woman who was always in a relationship. Her self-worth was based on what other people thought it was. But, 2 years ago, she realized her life wasn’t what it was supposed to be. She was working toward checking off all the boxes. She was engaged, she was working to create a successful business but something was off.
My intuition was trying to tell me that something wasn’t right.
“We've been conditioned to think and feel the same way. It’s deep programming about what supposedly will bring women fulfillment” she says. To fully bring forth our inner magic we need to ask the deep questions of ourselves similar to the questions we ask of others.
How much do I trust myself?
Am I doing something that will make me whole?
The ascension path is getting in touch with your magic. It is stepping into who you are and who you truly are. Uncovering your soul path and purpose can carry some weight and seem daunting, but just getting in touch with your magic and stepping into who you are is attainable.
During the 2020 pandemic is a good time to look at your life and be honest with yourself. Ask yourself, what you need, and what has changed for you. What beliefs don’t feel right for you anymore?
Stephanie reminds us that the big struggle is when we try to look at what everyone else is doing. If you have never actually listened to what is going on in your head, or your intuition, it can be hard to honor it. But, resisting it is harder over the long term.
It’s important to follow through with what comes through when tapping into our intuition and use the energy we feel.
Communicating Your Magic [25:14]
Don't minimize your reactions or feelings. It's important to talk about it. If something affects you positively or negatively show it and discuss it with your partner. It’s not healthy to be the cool girl.
Know that what you have to say is worth hearing. If you are in a relationship the other person wants to know. Any conversation that tells your partner what you need is a good conversation.
Being specific really helps a guy. Remember ladies, there is no manual.
It all comes down to you and your magic. You wouldn't just set magic on a shelf, you would nurture it and show it off.
Love is the most magic thing but it can only be magic if you recognize your magic in it.
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In preparation for the Ignite Your Life Conference, Marni welcomes President and CEO of iPEC Coaching, Luke Iorio, back into the Den. Luke shares the a-ha moments that changed his life and shifted his mindset, how we can get out of our head to tap into greater consciousness and align with our inner knowing, and why this is the best time to invest in ourselves.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Luke went on an inward journey about why he was out of alignment with who he truly was. It made him who it was today. As a child, his father was a devout studier of personal development. Luke had access to books about finding out who he was.
“I spent a lot of time trying to manipulate and control my relationships in an effort to keep myself safe.”
Luke says if you resonate with living a flat experience and you want to get in touch with your aliveness, your spark then you need to wake up, express, and get in alignment with your inner knowing.
When you start to look at yourself objectively and you will get in touch with your intuition and know when you are caught up in your old story or the drama of situations.
There is power in shifting how you look at life.
It can be tough to start a relationship with someone else. New feelings, thoughts, and emotions come to the forefront of your mind. If you find yourself ruminating on the possible reasons he didn’t call, or what a guy meant by what he said, you may be too narrowly focused. Be aware that those triggers are messages from your unconscious that can help you better understand yourself. It's your past programming. Luke says the more you recognize the roots of your thought process you can decide what version of yourself you want to show to other people.
Give yourself the opportunity to get out of your head and be more natural and genuine.
After this inner work, regardless of the situation you find yourself in you will know you are making decisions that resonate with who you really are. The more self-aware you are, you have more peace and you stay centered and grounded.
The Time is Right, Now [32:11]
During these uncertain times, people are reassessing their values and pinpointing what is important to them. Many are wondering why they didn’t enrich their lives more often and what they can do to make significant changes. Marni asks Luke why right now is a good time to invest in the future and attend the Ignite Your Life Conference.
Luke says now is an important time to be devoted to personal development and to turn down influences that distract us or don't benefit us. A person’s development journey should start from within the flow of their usual lives. This way we build stronger roots and start making decisions from a place of inner knowing.
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To celebrate Ignite Your Life (IYL) month, Marni welcomes former IYL attendee and Dating With Dignity client, Marie into the Den. Marie shares why this experience was significant for her, why women should prioritize this aspect of their lives, and how her dating life changed after attending the event.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Marie was floored when her eldest niece got engaged. She had been excelling in all other parts of her life except dating. It was the kick she needed to make her take action. She says she happened upon one of Marni’s early videos and it eventually changed her life.
At first, she didn’t want to be one of the women who needed to attend the Ignite Your Life event. She felt like a loser in love. Yet, when she arrived she noticed everyone there looked like her, a sharp, successful, and single woman.
The community I met at Ignite Your Life made me realize I was not an outcast and I was not alone.
Marie experienced an awakening during the 3-day investment that was well worth the time. The lessons were efficient and effective. From the style consultant, she realized she had been hiding her feminine side under her business casual clothes. From the belief exercise, she learned what long-held beliefs were holding her back.
She realized, in dating, it is not about whether men liked her. It was a monumental shift when it registered that dating was to find out if I liked them.
You deserve to be happy.
A Powerful Journey [23:50]
Marie continues to learn that the only way to deepen her connections is for her to be vulnerable. She still reminds herself to ask for what she needs without worrying about a guy’s reaction. She used to categorize it as needy, now she knows it is just information. Needy used to be labeled as bad but really it is just being human.
Asking for what you need from your heart space is like a roadmap for your partner.
Marie says she met some lifelong friends at the Ignite Your Life event and it was worth the time and monetary investment.
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Marni welcomes Master Breakthrough Coach, Sherrie Toews back into the Den to talk about how to stop letting life's circumstances keep you from your destiny. The dynamic duo discusses the negative limiting beliefs that lead us to feel unworthy, strategies for overcoming childhood wounding, and the skills and tools available to ignite your life.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Automatic negative limiting beliefs keep us from being fully self-actualized. These limiting beliefs are, in essence, the false acceptance of certain truths or FACTs. They feel real to us because on some level, over time we have made these beliefs our truths.
Sherri asks us ‘what if they aren’t true? What if they are stories we are making up about who we are?’.
To shift our mindsets we have to implement the information our brains take in. This is the implementation phase. We need visceral and somatic reinforcers. But, Sherri says this is where people get tripped up. They fear the unknown and they fear asking for help. So little by little limiting beliefs regain their hold over us.
The little ‘whos’ are the younger parts of us that suffered wounds in childhood. If we were overwhelmed psychologically when we were young, we turned inward and decided there was something wrong with us or that we were not good enough. We make adult decisions based on childhood wounds. It’s the little 'whos' who trip up our progress when we are trying to shift our lives.
Our little ‘whos’ don't like uncertainty and in dating, nothing is guaranteed.
To take control of your life you have to learn to live courageously and release your fears. Because there is something beyond the fear which stretches our capacity to implement and grow.
Many women share a common fear of not being worthy or of being too much.
Simple steps to ignite your life
Ignite Your Life Now! [27:23]
Marni and the Dating with Dignity team are ready, willing, and able to ignite your life, now.
Get the skills and tools you need to create a robust fire in your heart:
Make the choice to stop letting life's circumstances stop you from being fully actualized.
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Marni welcomes an experienced therapist and gender equality victim’s rights advocate Kelley Anne Bonner into the Den to talk about how burnout affects your body, dating, and work. Kelley is an expert in burnout and created Burn Bright, a company dedicated to helping creative, big-hearted ‘helping’ professionals battle burnout. She helps the people who take care of the world to take care of themselves.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Kelley hit bottom when she was in her 20s and working in the largest maximum-security prison in New York state. She kept smiling for the people she served but would find in herself figuratively in a puddle on the floor, drained of her joy. She quit her job before she had another lined up.
Kelley says many people have burnout but don’t even realize they have it.
Burnout is a state of emotional and physical exhaustion. The person experiencing burnout has no joy and feels hopeless.
The cost of frantically running around is that you lose yourself and once you’ve lost yourself it’s a countdown to imploding.
When you are in burnout your body and your nervous system are in dysregulation. Mindfulness and meditation can help. The first step to move passed burnout is to regulate your nervous system. The second step is to shift your mindset. Get your body in a relaxed state so your body can receive information.
When your mindset is tapped into your authentic self, you are going to automatically get all the things in life that you want.
Are you pushing yourself to be engaging with toxic people or people who don't match the criteria you want? When people get burnout in dating they are not being true to themselves. There is a difference in discernment and being picky.
Kelley encourages us to be clear about what we want, in dating and date people who are authentic. Because when we date a guy a second time who wasn't a good fit on the first date it can cause burnout. The joy/authenticity piece is missing.
When you are true to yourself joy naturally comes from it. The minute you stray away from authenticity you are heading toward burnout.
How-to Stave Off Burnout While Dating [26:16]
There is nothing beneficial about beating yourself up, especially when a date or series of dates doesn’t work out. It causes you to stay paralyzed at best or go backward. Have compassion for yourself because of course, you want to give someone a second chance, of course, you want to find love, you are a big-hearted person.
Tips for eliminating dating burnout:
We are all good people just trying to figure it all out.
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Marni welcomes longtime listener Anita into the Den to talk about how to update her online profile to get more high-quality dates. Anita has been single for 5-and-a-half years and is positive she is ready to meet her soul mate. Yet, Marni intuits a block that could be keeping her from attracting the right type of guy.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Anita has been studying love, dating, and relationships for over 4-years. She is excited and ready to find her soulmate then get engaged. She believes she can manifest the right man for her, but she fears being ghosted again.
She tells Marni that over a year ago, she was going out on 2-3 dates a week. But, she has a history of being ghosted by men she met online and agreed to meet in person. She is looking to Marni for guidance on how to finally find her quality guy.
Marni dissects Anita’s current online dating profile that a previous dating coach helped her to write. Marni points out that while it has a decent structure it may make men wonder if they are good enough. If they question themselves they may not reach out. The profile is more of a push-away, not a draw-me-in type of profile.
Always choose quality over quantity when it comes to dating.
Anita says she wants her profile to reflect that she is looking for someone who has integrity and follows through. Marni reminds her that her profile has to reflect her values and her brand. The message she sends needs to be solid.
Positivity Doesn’t Trump Feelings [26:56]
Anita seems to cover up her disappointment with positivity instead of feeling her feelings. She wants to focus on the good. Marni recognizes a nugget of emotional unavailability.
Anita needs to acknowledge her disappointment, fear, and frustration. She shares a story from her past where she felt abandoned by a family member. It created an emotional suit of armor and explains why she is stuck right now.
Anita’s homework is:
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Episode #25 with Mike Goldstein — Find a Boyfriend in Less Than 7 Dates
Episode #53 — How to Do an Overhaul of Your Online Dating Profile
Marni welcomes Lisa Erickson into the Den to talk about chakras, our body’s energy centers, and how our energetic body relates to our emotional, mental, and physical body. Lisa is an Energy Worker who specializes in women’s energetics and sexual trauma healing. She is the author of Chakra Empowerment for Women and she helps women balance and maximize their energy during key parts of their lives.
Key takeaways from this episode:
We all have an energy body. If you have ever felt ‘bad vibes’ or heebie-jeebies from someone, you are intuitively using your energy body. There are ways to shift our mental and emotional states including the vibrations we send out to the world. Shifting our energy can shift who we attract into our lives and how we feel.
There are healing modalities that are connected to the energetic body that are related to energy medicine traditions all around the world. Reiki and acupuncture, for example, are becoming widely adopted. Humans have an energy anatomy that can be mapped. Our chakras are energy centers that relate to different physical body parts and to unique emotions and psychological states.
We intuitively feel the chakras but don't always know it. When you are broken hearted it is in the heart chakra.
Marni asks Lisa about the 10% energy leakage many women experience. Lisa says we have different levels of our psyche and each level has a certain vibration. If we have unresolved feelings of anxiety or unworthiness, desperation, or people-pleasing, that will come through in our presentation to others. People will feel it the way we can feel the vibes of others.
Lisa says men tend to be anchored in the root chakra. This energy center is linked to the physical body. If men have baggage, they have a tendency to become emotionally rigid and unempathetic. In its best expression, the root chakra is grounded, stable, and protective. Men, in general, need to work on fluidity and empathy.
Women, however, are anchored in their second chakra which is fluid and linked to water and emotions. Women are also more empathic. We have a tendency to adopt other people’s emotions as our own without realizing it. On the energetic level, it means women need to work on boundaries and grounding.
The second chakra is also related to a woman’s reproductive cycle. Peri-Menopause is considered a spiritual transit in cultures that deal with energy consciously. Women receive bursts of energy to deal with things from our past at a time when our intuitive gifts are flowering. Boundaries become more important. It's time to push away other people’s energy in favor of your own.
In holistic medicine, the mind and body are not separate. Your energy body is the glue that holds them together.
How to Work With Energy [21:31]
Each of the chakras has different colors and visuals related to them. Lisa says we can work with energy centers through memories or affirmations. Try to simply state what you want to feel and focus on the related chakra and the part of the body.
If you are going to start dating and it feels uncomfortable for you to get into your feminine or to be sensual. Or, you have a hard time flirting or you don't feel safe being sexual. Shift your energy in your second chakra.
It's about connecting to your feminine energy in a positive way. In dating, visualize an avatar and focus on which chakras you want to bring forth. Visualize yourself putting your energetic parts into the foreground.
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Marni welcomes Lori Dennis into the Den to talk about finding balance in four quadrants of your life. Lori runs a top LA interior design firm, and she is an HGTV celebrity. Lori decided to write Quadrant Life: Balancing Relationships, Finances, Wellness, and Your Spiritual Life as a result of the constant questions others asked her about how she always seemed to have it all. She is a TED speaker and has been featured in the Wall Street Journal and on Bravo and Oxygen.
Key takeaways from this episode:
One of the biggest misconceptions/excuses women believe is that they can't have it all. Lori says this is ridiculous. Women can have it all. They only need to get everything into balance. She says happiness comes when you wake up every single day and no matter what happens you know you can handle it.
But, if happiness is a choice, why do many of us try to make things more challenging? Lori recommends asking yourself what happiness looks like for you. It's all about your perceptions and your experiences. Being happy is one of the best decisions you can make for yourself.
Find balance in these four quadrants:
Once you stop being afraid, you have the ability to clean up your messes.
To attain proper balance in the four quadrants, Lori says, it's like cleaning your house. Her personal approach is to attack the thing that is scary or hard first. Once she accomplishes what she believes to be the hardest thing it gives her confidence to tackle the less stressful items in her life.
Marni shares an example of how she took a deep dive to uplevel her spiritual practice and it up-leveled everything else in her life.
Lori says, focusing in one area is a good approach because if you just change one thing that isn't working for you it will change every other part of your life. Small positive changes automatically affect every other quadrant.
Tips for Up-leveling each Quadrant:
Changing Your Environment [31:45]
Instead of wishing you had different things in life, it is up to you to make your life exactly the way that you want it. You can have it all. Having freedom in your environment will affect you in a good way. Remove excess material stuff you don’t need and be thoughtful about your environment.
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Quadrant Life: Balancing Relationships, Finances, Wellness, and Your Spiritual Life by Lori Dennis
Marni welcomes Ryan Haddon into the Den to discuss the role your subconscious plays in dating. Ryan is a certified Life Coach and Spiritual Mentor, a licensed Hypnotherapist, a certified Meditation Teacher, and a public speaker who facilitates retreats and promotes work-life balance. She is here to share her expertise and life-changing approach to spiritual mentoring during the major transition we are all experiencing.
Key takeaways from this episode:
The subconscious mind runs 95% of your life. It stores every memory, every emotion, and the imagination in your brain. Its primary function is to keep us comfortable but it also houses phobias and fears. Unfortunately, we become slaves to it. It should be the opposite. It should be there to serve us.
When it hijacks our conscious mind it is counterproductive. We habitually tend to keep doing the same things over and over. While it is trying to protect us from past experiences and future mistakes, it stays stuck in familiar patterns that in the past brought us comfort.
The best time to transform your subconscious thoughts is while falling asleep and waking up.
Ryan says if you want to break a cycle and get yourself out of a funk, try to pinpoint your feelings and reframe your story. Move into acceptance. If you find yourself at the end of a bad date have a go-to positive phrase or affirmation, such as "My guy is finding his way to me". It will help you shift.
Feelings are not facts. If you find yourself in a moment when you are feeling hopeless or in a funk, it's about being mindful of the present moment. Learn self-hypnosis techniques. Take a meditative walk in nature. Anything to get yourself into emotionally safe territory.
Life consistently challenges us. Cultivate and curate stillness so you are prepared for the next round.
Anxiety is Creeping In What Do I Do? [23:46]
What can you do to heal past issues that may still be held in your subconscious? Ryan recommends self-care practices such as a bath or a massage. She says you can also soothe yourself by giving yourself a hug or tapping. Say "I've got you. I'm not going to abandon you." while you rock back and forth to clear negative energy that may be stuck in the body.
Other physical movements that will soothe a habitual pattern forged by the subconscious are 3 deep abdomen breaths with your feet flat on the floor, writing something down on paper to release it from your body. As soon as you notice a pattern, leverage a new dynamic, and keep trying until you find what is best for you.
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Marni reached out to her Facebook group to find someone who is actively dating online but not getting the desired results. Monica responded. She is on two different dating apps but receives very few responses. Those who do respond end up ghosting her. Marni provides her with quick fixes and tips on how to increase the amount of dates she gets and elevate the quality of her dating experiences.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Monica is a successful film-industry professional who is winding down her career. She is having difficulty finding love again after her divorce. She did have one 8-month relationship since then, but it ended in heartbreak. She says she just wants to go on a damn date. Like many successful women, Monica has done the personal development work and is serious about finding a partner to share life with.
Monica spends 20-30 minutes every morning checking her dating apps and responding to messages. She has telephone conversations but hasn't had a first date in 6 months. On top of that, she only went out on 4 dates in 2019. She says she gets ghosted a lot.
Marni dissects Monica’s current online dating profile pointing out tips for improvement in the first paragraph. She points out that Monica is a little too much in her masculine and if she was interviewing for a job all of her points are valid, BUT she is not looking for a job she is looking for a relationship.
Reread your online dating profile. What would a strong, high-quality guy think about it?
Quick Fixes for Your Dating Profile:
How Monica Can Move Forward [6:22]
Marni offers different ways to pull more information out of the men who send messages and ask for dates. Her advice is for Monica to be vulnerable and to “show him the yolk”.
Monica’s Biggest Takeaways from the coaching:
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Marni welcomes author and dating after divorce expert Holly Martyn into the Den to discuss her dating manual and memoir, Would It Kill You to Put on Some Lipstick?. Her book was inspired by an advice column by Joan Rivers and tells the story of Holly’s poignant journey of finding a high-quality guy in 100 or fewer dates. It's a manual on how to navigate love, life, and happiness in midlife.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Joan Rivers started the conversation in an advice column. She told a single mother to put on some damn lipstick and get out there and date. Holly wondered if finding a high-quality guy really was a numbers game and decided to try it out for herself and journal her journey. She was in her 40s, had been in two long term relationships and it wasn't working.
She didn't want her daughter to grow up knowing her mother stayed in a bad relationship. Holy says demonstrating to our children about what works and what doesn't when finding love is a teachable moment. It’s ok for our children to know that we are human beings and we are still learning.
3 Ways to Get a Date:
All three options worked for Holly. She met men and women. One woman set her up on a blind date with a guy she dated for two years.
Whatever it is we prioritize in our lives we can make it happen. including our social lives.
You just have to keep going on dates. It's like looking for a job. The dating process is a great way to know about men. Use the time to notice possible red flags.
The adage is true ‘If we don’t change, nothing changes’. Holly had to examine relationships from her childhood and her previous marriages to see why those relationships broke down. Eventually, she became stronger and more confident in what she was looking for and how she wanted to be treated and she became more efficient in weeding out the wrong people upfront.
Women, especially women in their 40s and 50s need to ask a man what he is looking for within the first three dates. Figuring out if a guy is looking for the same thing as you is nothing to be ashamed of. Your time is important don’t waste it on a guy who doesn’t want a relationship if that is what you want.
Men will show you who they are very quickly.
One of the wonderful things about dating in your 40s, 50s, and beyond is something is freeing about not having the pressure of looking for a provider, a father, or someone our parents will approve of. Look for character more than characteristics.
Holly reaches out to all the women who stay in relationships or marriages but have doubts about it, she says it’s more important to be a model for your children about the beauty of contentment and satisfaction.
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Marni welcomes the formidable Elle Russ into the Den to talk about how women, especially Alpha females, can be Confident As F*ck while embracing their vulnerability to attract connection and intimacy. As a coach and author, Elle helps people reclaim their health. She is a TV and film writer and host of the Primal Blueprint podcast. During this conversation, she shares the inspiration for writing her book, Confident As Fu*k: How to Ditch Bad Vibes, Clean Up Your Past, and Cultivate Confidence in Order to Make Your Dreams a Reality and key concepts to help women be confident in all areas of their life including dating!
Key takeaways from this episode:
Elle says that there is a theme to the type of people you attract into your life. Clients would come to her for help building their confidence. These were people who could speak to a room of 200+ people but couldn’t be vulnerable in an intimate or private environment. Marni adds that women won't admit to having a confidence issue but when it comes to relationships they have self-doubt or they need validation.
Alpha females have pitfalls and one of those is being vulnerable. We don't, on a primal level, want to appear weak. But, in dating it makes us inaccessible. People crave our external confidence but they never see our human side. When you are not vulnerable and open you can not have emotional intimacy with someone. How can someone love you if they don't see you.
Elle carried shame because her hands became permanently disabled in her 20's. She thought 'who would want her with the disability?' She didn't tell the guys she dated. She wanted to wait until they said I love you. She was held back. She knew she had to get over the shame of her disability. Shame can be more disabling than a disability. Shame disables confidence.
You always stay on the fringe of social connections when you are afraid to be vulnerable.
Elle considers people who project a lack of confidence ‘Downers’. When people have bad vibes toward you you feel it. Stay away from these people, she advises. You can share your experiences with some people over and over and they will consistently reply with negativity.
While Elle gets inspired by negative naysayers it can feel like a hit to your confidence. She recommends choosing your battles wisely. At some time in our lives, we have all been a downer and have had negative thoughts. Self-examination can help negative thoughts go away quickly and help us not to simmer in them.
Indicators that you may be the ‘Downer’:
Marni recommends every woman look at the five people they talk to and share with to consider if they are being encouraging or negative. If they are being negative, change your five people.
Why do women worry about what someone else might think of them and allow it to change their attitude? All that matters is how you think of you.
When you walk into a date wonder if that person is worth your time. It’s empowering.
Elle coined the term nonversation for conversations that are a waste of time and they go nowhere. We have to stop having them! Fishing for a compliment or giving voice to our ego isn’t necessary.
Women have to start encouraging other women. - envy and jealousy is rooted in self-loathing and low self-esteem. It’s important to limit your time with jealous people. Jealousy is hoping the person you are jealous of fails.
Wishing failure on someone else will always come back to haunt you.
Stop sharing stuff with negative people. You will never win. People should be worth your time or you shouldn’t hang with them.
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Marni welcomes Susan into the Dating Den. Susan is a client who was new to dating after the loss of her husband. She knew she wanted a relationship but found herself attracting guys who only threw her breadcrumbs. During this conversation, she shares her transformation, insights about what was missing in her previous approach to dating, and how the process has changed all parts of her life.
With Susan: How to Break the Pattern of Attracting Guys That Breadcrumb You
Key takeaways from this episode:
Susan had lost her husband to cancer about a year before she started dating again. She realized she was attracting 'crumbs' guys and she wanted to attract men that were more her caliber. She was choosing the wrong guys who were caught up inside themselves and still dealing with their emotional baggage.
She felt confused and the pattern was chipping away at her self-worth and her self-esteem. Maybe, she wasn't the catch she thought she was? But, she knew she wanted to be in a relationship.
The ‘crumbs’ guy was seeing someone else at the time. She felt like the other woman or his second choice. He did however help Susan to recognize a pattern she had before she met her husband.
The problem was she was trying to think her way out of the situation. She did online research and read books but nothing was shifting.
Susan knew that she wouldn’t break free of her pattern on her own. She was ruling guys out before she would rule them in. She realized she was ruling guys out because it gave her a sense of control and protected her from getting hurt. She was also unclear about what she really wanted.
She says that working with Marni’s team helped because they provided her with a process. She wrote down her non-negotiables and got clear about what she was looking for. It was time for her to have a mature adult relationship.
It's scary to be rejected by a guy who you perceive to be a catch opposed to a guy you don't think is a catch.
Susan started dating a friend of a friend who she was ready to write off early on. One of her non-negotiations is communications and he doesn't communicate as frequently as she does but she admits to not being clear about her values around communication. Working with the Dating with Dignity team helped her to redefine what she needs versus what she wants.
Marni says many men are trainable when it comes to communication. They want to make us happy and will adapt because they are committed to the relationship.
For a lot of men communicating is challenging. They have been hurt and pasts’ to reconcile.
Susan says she would never have chosen her current boyfriend prior to taking Marni's course. She recommends being open to the process and allowing it to unfold organically. The process helped her investigate her wounds and what triggered her. She now uses the processes in all areas of her life and everything is coming together for her.
You can have anything you want as long as you are mentally aligned and committed.
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Marni welcomes Kiné Corder back into the Den to talk about navigating your way through an existential midlife crisis. Kiné is a bestselling author, international keynote speaker, national certified counselor, and a clinical hypnotherapist specializing in financial therapy and stress management. As the CEO of Presidential Lifestyle Inc., a wellness company focused on wealth in all of its forms, Kiné helps high achievers navigate through the existential midlife crisis. During this conversation she shares a step-by-step process to living your prosperity.
Key takeaways from this episode:
With the advent of transitioning roles for women from home to the workplace, we are starting to experience a midlife crisis just as men always have. Women sacrifice some things we want for ourselves in our early career and sometime during our midlife the dreams we may have put on the backburner ask to be revisited.
Once we become aware that we may have lost some freedoms in lieu of responsibility it is time to take the steps to get to where we want to be and to find harmony.
This is the formula for navigating your way through midlife with purpose.
Trial and error your way to purpose. We need to figure out what we want or don’t want by testing the waters.
To find personal harmony you can read books, or delve into all the free information available online but if you really want to be prosperous in an efficient and quality way you have to hire a guide. Someone who knows the ropes and has gained experience from all the people she has helped to attain harmony.
Ladies, there is nothing wrong about taking the long way through this process. A guide simply helps you make the most of the time you have available.
Finding common ground with someone whose idea of prosperity slightly overlaps with yours is important. Or, if there is no common ground both partners should consent to compromise and blending their two ideas of prosperity.
If the similarities are hidden at first, Kiné says partners should talk through it without making anyone wrong. There is no right or wrong when it comes to visions of prosperity. Follow the process of one partner talking about their ideas all the way through without interruption from the listener. Then, in a day or a week, the other person discusses their ideas about prosperity. Both partners should be curious, open, and optimistic.
Kiné recommends asking yourself how you want to show up in the world. If you get clear about this every footstep with this in mind is a step forward.
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Marni welcomes Master Coach for the Hoffman Institute and Licenced Marriage and Family Counselor, Ed McClune into the Den. Ed is also the relationship therapist for Dating with Dignity’s one-year program. During this episode, he shares information about the physical effects of grief and how to keep a relationship healthy.
Key takeaways from this episode:
When something we invest our heart in doesn't work out it hurts us emotionally and physiologically. For many of us, we marinate in pain for a long time. When we become impatient with the grieving process and don’t give ourselves the time we need to heal we add to the hurt. We spend a lot of time in the 'no one will ever love me again' story.
Ed says that it is easy and natural to make up a narrative about sadness. We create a ‘woe is me’ story, or we believe something is wrong with us. We wastefully spend a lot of time in the 'no one will ever love me again' story.
But, when we change our internal narrative we can move through the pain and gain a healthy lesson from past relationships. It’s a good idea to give grief time even schedule it. Why allow pain to bleed into your entire day? It’s healthy to allow sadness to flow through you but at a scheduled time so the body can heal itself.
Learning from our mistakes is what helps us to become a better offer to the next potential lover.
Ed uses the analogy of the Good Queen to describe what doesn’t work in relationships. To be a good partner, we can’t just sit back in our thrones and let things come to us. We need to play an active role and train a man to be what we need him to be. He says that women often think that if a man loves them he will do ‘X’ but the guy probably needs to be trained to do it first. In general, a man just doesn't know.
We come into relationships with different needs and skill levels. None of us are wrong or defective. There is so much pressure on a man to know what to do and how to take care of his partner. Men don't have any relationship education and there is no formula
How responsible are women to train their guy?
Marni asks Ed how a woman can take a leadership role without being masculine, bossy, or over-functioning.
Ed says women should own their dignity, beauty, and soulfulness and help their partners love them. Maturity in a relationship is key.
The right guy, the quality guy wants to know how to make you happy, not just in the bedroom but in the relationship.
For the sake of maintaining your own dignity, if there is chemistry in a relationship but a guy is unwilling to step up and take responsibility for how a relationship is evolving women need to pull their hand away from the cookie jar and say chemistry is not enough. When you tire of surrendering your dignity to a recurring breakdown you have to say enough is enough.
Both people go in blind when starting to date. Trust and commitment must be built as we incrementally let the other person in. Partners have different talents and different skill levels. We date people to bring more into our lives. Every time we fall in love it happens with a ton of variables and as learners, we are going to get some things wrong.
A healthy relationship is one in which each partner is committed to their individual growth and the growth of the relationship.
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Marni welcomes a fellow Podcast Host and Man Panelist, Michael O’Neal into the Dating Den. Mike is a single man who in addition to his entrepreneur podcast also hosts his YouTube channel, Rennch where he shares tips for restoring vintage Porsches. During this episode, he shares some Q&A from the most recent Man Panel discussion, a real-life example of when a woman ghosted him, and how some men just want a pizza girlfriend.
Key takeaways from this episode:
For a woman who makes critical decisions all day at work turning down her masculine energy can be trying especially when dating. Mike observes that it must be hard for women to switch between the two energies. “When you become a successful, badass woman you get in your masculine and it's hard to get back into the feminine. If you are in 65% masculine energy then a guy can only be in 35% of his masculine. You may end up with a guy you are not attracted to.” Mike says.
The masculine energy can also bleed into a woman’s online dating profile. Mike says that when a woman’s profile starts with the woman saying ‘just swipe past me if you ____ ‘ turns him off. He says it’s proof that the woman is somehow damaged. He automatically swipes to the next person.
When it comes to sex, Mike says that women should not feel weird about giving a man directions. If something is working or not working that is something men want to know. Men are normally more than willing to do whatever it takes, even if it hurts, to make sure a woman is satisfied.
But, it is hard to teach passion and sensuality. Kissing is the hardest physical, sexual act to address with someone else. If a guy is a bad kisser and there is nothing else that really hooks you then say goodbye. But, if you think there might be a deeper connection, try giving him a helpful hint or try moving your head into a different position.
We, men, are like your favorite labrador retriever. We’ll do whatever you tell us to.
Times have changed, Mike says men are looking for someone to show if they are interested. After the first date, if a guy is into you he will be sending you a message. And, if he asks you for a second date he has probably already considered if you could be his forever girl.
Mike shares a story of how he pursued a girl he met. He liked the girl but she kept putting him off. She responded to him several times but always with confusing messages. Then she just ghosted him.
Marni believes that if you are getting ghosted you should consider it a blessing because now you know what type of person you would have been dating. You are more than likely dating the wrong type of people.
If you are not interested in a person don’t ghost them. Just tell them. It doesn’t have to be awkward.
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Marni welcomes speaker, author, self-described change junkie, Monica Berg into the Dating Den. Monica is the Chief Communications Officer of the Kabbalah Center. Her books, Fear is Not an Option and Rethink Love are guidebooks for those who desire transformation in their relationships and life. During this episode, she shares how knowing what we want for ourselves can help us to have better relationships and to make deeper connections with those we love.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Relationships are meant to grow and get better every year and it's all about perspective, says Monica. Even during quarantine, when we may be with our partners for 24-hours a day, she believes this is a great opportunity for us to look at the state of our lives and how we are living. Before the pandemic we all had the luxury of escape by going shopping or out for drinks with a friend. Now, we should take stock of the things we love about our lives.
In her book, Rethink Love, Monica notes that relationships are not stable. There are supposed to be ups and downs, she says. Fighting is important in a relationship because it shows that you care and are passionate about it.
Where people get stuck is that they have different fighting styles. If they are different they need to find one that works for both of them.
We need to have a healthy respect for change because change is the only constant. In relationships there are two distinct personalities involved. This can add fun, opportunities, and excitement. But this also means there are a lot of differences. Take fighting styles for example. What kind of fighting style was each person exposed to when they were a child? How has that influenced their fighting style?
Each person should look at what they want in their life. What is currently working and what is not? Monica recommends getting clear about what it is that you really want for yourself. Then create a To-Be list and a To-Do list.
When fighting goes wrong you add a lot of hurt into a relationship.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage your emotions and those of the people around you. Many of us don’t realize how our emotions affect other people. But, when you value someone and love them at their core you will find ways to have compassion and be generous.
If you are stuck in a relationship, go back to friendship. Forget about it being romantic and what your traditional roles are. Think about how you treat a friend and are you treating your partner in the same manner.
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Beth is a divorced, single mother who almost moved her family and business because she was convinced she would never meet a high-quality man she could connect with in her community. She has listened to the Dating Den podcast for years and when Marni offered to rewire her brain she decided to invest in herself and signed up for the program. During this episode, she tells Marni about her limiting beliefs and how the team helped her to overcome them. She is now dating someone she really connects with.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Beth had been doing self-development work for some time but admits she was having difficulty changing her core thoughts and beliefs about what she deserved. She is a single mother who consistently took care of others before herself. She wanted to find a partner but didn’t think she would ever meet anyone she could connect with in her area.
She decided she needed outside help to rewire her brain and contacted the team at Dating with Dignity. Working with Marni and Sherrie made her feel heard and enabled her to identify her limiting beliefs and blocks. She committed to the 10-week program and gave it her all.
“I feel liberated because I now have the tools to calmly move through things that trigger me.”
Beth encountered her first opportunity to use her new relationship tools when a guy she met on a dating app removed a ‘tag’ of them together on Facebook. Beth admits that in the past she probably would have pulled away from the situation because she didn’t understand the move and didn’t want to appear needy. But since she was armed with healthy boundaries she approached the issue from a calm, vulnerable place.
“The program helped me realize that I am lovable and I am enough.”
Beth reveals that the program 100% worked for her. It will change your brain in a way that you will never go back to the way you used to operate. She says she learned that her wants and needs are valid. And, that she is now attracting the life she wants because she is being more of who she wants to be and she loves being liberated.
Even her friends have commented about the calm, peaceful place she is in now that she feels safe and doesn’t worry about being rejected.
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