On this week's Bachelor recap, Marni and Chris relate the on-screen drama to real-life dating scenarios. Michelle takes off as a front runner, Sarah does the right thing, and Queen Victoria overreacts, again. Chris cites examples from the man-panelist segment of the previous Ignite Your Life event.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Whether we realize it or not we all have cognitive bias. Many women automatically think that all men are this, or all men are like that. This type of thinking comes from our limiting beliefs. So, when we search for information online about a guy, you will view it through the lens of what your limiting belief is.
Chris shares an example of a man panel experience where a woman's limiting belief was guys were intimidated because she does very well financially. But, that was the story she told herself. Her limiting beliefs were leaking. There is an armor that comes up to protect us from whatever the limiting belief is attempting to protect us from.
Don't stalk someone online just let them show up as who they are.
During the Bachelor, Queen Victoria felt ignored by Matt. Her reaction to feeling ignored came off as vulnerable and needy. Marni says a better strategy would be to do what Bri did. The entire concept of the show is for a guy to leave a series of breadcrumbs, but the ladies do not have to take the bait.
If you are in a situation where a guy is breadcrumbing for two months, try saying, “I'm in a place where I am looking to meet people, see if there is a connection, and date them. What are you looking for? If you would ask me out, I would say yes."
If you approach the situation like above and the guy needs more than that, get the heck out of there. You don't want to be with someone so wishy-washy! Be direct. Tell him you are done with the BS but in a nice way.
If you are putting yourself in front of a guy and he is not picking up what you are putting down, just say no. Then, ask yourself why you are doing it. What do you need to learn that keeps you attracted to or interested in that
Marni and Chris talk about Matt's date with Michelle. They both agree that she didn’t stand out as a front runner before the great date. Michelle is not the glamoury, Instagram-type model with a traditional sense of beauty. But, being irresistible isn't just about what size you are, your ‘prettiness’ level, etc. Being fun with playful energy goes a long way.
At first, Chris says he was watching the Matt/Michelle date with his guy eye. He didn’t think much about her but by the end of watching the date, he found her gorgeous. Marni says it is because Michelle is authentic and she is genuinely trying to find out if Matt is the guy for her.
When you are in 'I hope you pick me' mode you are self-moderating to try and be who you think the person would like.
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As we settle into the long-haul of this pandemic, online dating and app dating are a must. Even if you had a not-so-perfect experience with online dating, what’s the harm in giving it another go? Marni and online dating expert, Mike Goldstein, discuss what men need from the women they date to be truly interested, the best and worst online platforms to find what you are looking for, and how dating has changed in the modern era.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Mike created an acronym to describe the four feelings men need to feel to fall in love with a woman, NAAB.
In the modern era, women are much more independent. Many men feel like they are losing their spot and they need to feel needed. Marni says, the older ideas of romance still exist for women even though times have changed. It is a confusing time for both men and women. Mike offers up some advice on when and how to make a man feel needed.
Your ideal guy may make a lot less money than you.
If you ask a man to do a small favor to make him feel needed, thank him for what he did. He needs something to do and reinforce how great it was that he did it. It doesn’t have to be over-the-top just a simple thank you to let him know you noticed.
Mike reveals that we all have minor trauma from our past dating experiences. When we started dating it was probably just based on the way the other person looked. Immaturely, we thought we would change people because we liked the way they looked but they didn't match what we wanted in a partner.
Marni had a major epiphany about this. It is sneaky to try and change someone but we all resist having the hard conversations. Women have to decide if the thing they want to change about a man is a gamechanger or deal breaker.
If the person you are dating does not embody the top five things you want in a person stop dating them.
Boundaries are telling a man what you want and doing it in a happy, nice way. Mike reminds us that men need clear direction in everything. People are not mind readers. Men and women should respect each other by telling the other exactly what they want in a clear way. Dating is so much better when there are open lines of communication.
You can't say the wrong thing to the right person.
The first piece of advice Mike offers for online dating is that you must be on the major sites. In the past, he says, apps like Bumble and Hinge did not have many users. But during this pandemic, if you are in your fifties or sixties, you will likely find a person you are attracted to.
Even if you tried online dating in the past and hated it, Marni says, her clients are having fun with it. It's easier than ordering clothes online.
Mike wishes there were more people on OK CUPID. He raves about the algorithm they use but says, hardly any one is on it any more. Most women listening to this podcast will not find their equals there.
People using the Hinge app are a bit more serious about finding a long-term relationship.
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On this week's Bachelorette recap, Marni and Chris discuss Matt James’ personality or the lack of it. They question whether this season is poorly scripted or if Matt is simply stale. Dissecting his actions towards the women offers an abundance of lessons. Marni sees the signs and shares how to maintain dignity if you encounter a man like Matt in the wild.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Be on the lookout, the best hunters dress up and look and present themselves just like Matt James. He shows very little humor, kindness, empathy, depth, or personality. Plus, they dress him like a Patagonia ad or beer commercial.
Marni is not a fan. Chris, on the other hand, thinks he is hot. This is a good lesson about getting caught up on looks. If a guy is super-hot we can confuse chemistry with intimacy. When dating, delve deeper into the person underneath the wrapping.
That being said, Matt was abandoned by his father. He may be missing the ability to set boundaries because he wants to be liked and loved. It's about him. The girls are presenting themselves to him but he barely notices the gestures they attempt to get his attention.
Classic hunter behavior is giving you crumbs and then pretending you don’t matter.
Marni says to observe a hot guy like a silent movie. Notice his actions and behaviors. Matt doesn’t seem to be interested in any one of the thirty-two ladies. He doesn't make anyone feel special or give any indication of a front runner. He may be attracted to someone who is broken. Marni sees through the smoke and mirrors but a lot of the girls have accepted that they are in a one-sided relationship.
If you find yourself in a relationship where you feel insecure or are feeling triggered and start to doubt yourself, be aware of what is happening. With a clear head, say, ‘I'm getting triggered’ or ‘This is making me insecure and I'm starting to doubt myself.’
Will you do the same shit or will you change it? Will you choose dignity over validation? Marni advises us to make the courageous move and choose dignity over validation.
If you are dating and you have a couple of great conversations it is easy to lose sight of collecting data and having fun. It’s OK to have fun when dating and take your time before passing judgment. Let someone show you who they are over a period of time. Everyone can be awesome for a few weeks or months.
Matt James realizes he has thirty-two women waiting in the wings. He is reacting by being physical and emotionally unavailable.
If you are into a guy too much, too fast, too soon… it will be too intense. There is a fine line between being interested but not being obsessed. Dating a couple of people at once will keep your options open and your energy up.
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Did you know that stress could be turning away potential mates? Cortisol, the chemical released during stressful periods can build up in your body and cause anxiety and depression. To discover a natural, daily way to lower stress levels, Marni speaks with the founder of Vibrant Blue Oils, Jodi Sternoff Cohen, about how essential oils can help you take control of your nervous system and date from a healthy place.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Jodi shares her personal journey of anxiety and stress. Her ex-husband was severely depressed. She walked on eggshells 24/7. After he attempted suicide, her friends told her she shouldn’t be handling the situation alone. When he was placed in a doctor’s care, she thought she would feel better but her energy was depleted and she still felt the pain of chronic stress. Her cortisol level had been high for such a long time, it was wreaking havoc in her body.
A friend introduced her to essential oils and that day she accomplished more in one day than she had in the previous three weeks. She wondered if there was something she could do with the oils to help her sleep. She started creating all of her own blends and sharing with friends who all had positive experiences.
Nutritional therapy and essential oils can be part of your healing process.
Much like a computer, our bodies have an operating system that controls our automatic functions, such as breathing, digestion, heart rate, and anxiety. The system allocates resources to where we need them. If the nervous system is on high-alert it changes our ability to connect with other people. Our pupils dilate and our sympathetic nervous system keeps us from connecting with other people.
Essential oils can help us shift gears to reach a space where it is easier to connect to others and attract the high-quality guy we desire.
The vagus nerve is the main communication highway between your brain and your body. It passes through your heart and lungs. Right behind your ear is where the nerve is most accessible. It switches on your parasympathetic nervous system. That is the place to put the oil.
If things are crazy around you, it is your choice how you respond. Oils can help you shift your response.
The challenge with illnesses is that it is hard to get remedies into the brain due to the blood-brain barrier. Essential oils are fat-soluble and pass easily through the blood-brain barrier.
When we get enough sleep, calm our nervous systems, and eliminate the waste in our bodies we are healthier and happier. When we are happier we attract people to us because our pheromones are released without impurities.
Research of the olfactory center of the body and the study of pheromones tells us why we are attracted to people, how we smell danger, and how we can boost our mood through smells.
Applying rose oil over the heart is the fastest way to boost your mood, feel better, and stop fear.
Jodi shares gems from her newest book, Essential oils: Boost the Brain and Heal the Body, including nerve stimulation techniques.
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If you had seven seconds to make the best impression possible, would you take the extra time to update your wardrobe and makeup? If not, you should. Marni and Man-panelist Chris Gillis discuss their thoughts on this week’s Bachelor episode and glean important lessons from what went wrong and what went right.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Did you notice Victoria’s dress had puffy sleeves and her bra was showing? If you are dating and haven't in a while, it is important to make an awesome first impression by optimizing your look. Make your clothes reflect who you are now and not who you were the last time you went on a date. You should feel comfortable in your clothes, but also look good. Ultimately, it is about how you feel.
One of the girls on the show kissed Matt and left a makeup stain on him. If you are wearing that much makeup, it is too much! It is important to make sure your makeup is appropriate for the venue or the event. On the flip side, Victoria chose not to wear makeup and it was a disaster.
You have 7 seconds to make a first impression. If people notice your makeup or clothes they aren't noticing you.
Most of the girls asked Matt if they could kiss him. Marni and Chris debate whether this is appropriate or not. Marni says it's romantic when a man does it, but women may have the belief that they have to be sexual for a man to like them. This belief is false!
The right guy will wait. The right guy will be a gentleman. If you are dating someone and there is chemistry, it's worth having a conversation before making the first move.
On a date and there is chemistry, instead of ‘can I kiss you?’ try ‘I wouldn’t say no to a kiss’.
Marni recalls the ATV date. Matt invites Bri to an adventure date where they are riding separate ATVs. Marni says that this is a red flag a guy is trying to be macho. On separate quads, Matt couldn't get romantic even if he wanted to. A date can be an adventure but make it something that you can appreciate together.
Outside your comfort zone is great but not on the first date.
Chris has not been super impressed with how all the girls are falling all over Matt and no one has gotten mad at him for anything. Matt admits he has not dated in a long time which means he is probably just along for the ride and may not be interested in a long-term relationship.
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Yay, Season 25 of The Bachelor is finally here! Marni and Man-panelist Chris Gillis join forces to extract the dating and relationship lessons from the interactions between the new Bachelor and the 30-women vying for his attention. Does 29-year-old, real-estate broker Matt James have what it takes to sift through the throng of amazingly diverse women and find his love?
Key takeaways from this episode:
Matt James voices the pressure he feels in being the first bi-racial Bachelor. With a black father and white mother, Matt says he must represent both black and white people. Marni describes this as a great dating lesson because when we date we find that we feel pressure, or have expectations about who we are supposed to be with. Often, this predisposition to date a certain type of person is based on our religion, economic status, or our parents.
We don't realize the ‘shoulds’ that have been passed down to us. When dating, it is important to excavate these thoughts because we need to be looking for our right partner, not the partner we think we are supposed to have.
We all tend to type-cast people and then only date within those boxes.
Dating exercise:
Marni does not think any of the women have the same level of ‘wow’ factor that Bachelorette’s Tayisha or Hannah had but she admits that it is early in the season. Time will tell. Chris says no one stuck out to him as a front runner either.
Others thought Katie, the girl who brought out the vibrator in a comic effort would get the first impression rose because she seemed to be carefree. Chris says he completely understands why she did not get the rose. He thought it was lame and that she was hiding behind the humor.
Bachelor Matt James chose to give Abigail the first impression rose.
If you have something you perceive as a flaw, figure out how to vulnerably share it sooner than later.
Marni questions whether Bachelor Matt James is ‘relationship-ready’ after his comment about not knowing what love is and wondering if one of the women can help him break down his walls. Chris concurs saying, it is as if Matt wants the women to do his personal development work for him.
Will one of the women be accepting of his challenge? Will Matt be able to recognize love when it is offered? Next week’s recap will have additional insights.
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Do you wait to check the mood of the room before becoming playful and flirty? Do you let your date set the tone of the evening first? If you are not stepping into your sensuality every day when you do get frisky may feel fake. To delve deep into how to create desire Marni welcomes Founder of Sensuality Secrets and Dance Consultant, Patty Contesta into the Den. Patty shares tips on how to embrace your sensuality and create desire.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Many women are looking for a man to be playful first before opening up and embracing their own playfulness. Patty says in order to create the right energy, we have to bring our playfulness to the table first. A date should be fun for us regardless of what happens with the other person.
Just because your date picks a fancy restaurant doesn't mean you can not bring your flirty feminine side to the structured environment. Make the environment your playground by being present and using all your senses to turn up the dial.
Making the most of being real and in-the-moment is allowing your walls to come down, to be curious and open. The guy may or may not respond in kind but it is the perfect opportunity to collect data about him.
Our physical bodies are like antennas. They are always sending and receiving energetic messages. When we allow ourselves to use non-verbal communication we can fire up feelings of desire. Small physical movements throughout the day can get us out of our heads and relax our bodies.
Desire relates to the feeling of yearning for something to happen. It ignites the imagination and allows us to savor experiences. On dates, many women are afraid to feel desire because they get stuck in their heads and are trying to measure up.
The ingredients to create desirability are:
Sensuality — The ability to elevate the senses.
Managing Sexual Energy — Triggering a sense of vitality and vibrancy.
Embracing Feminine Energy — Asking for what you want.
Women often underestimate the power of asking a man for something they want.
Patty says that when you verbalize what you want it causes connection with a guy because all he wants is instructions and feedback.
The best way to shift into your most sensual self is to modify simple daily tasks, such as walking, and incorporate sensuality into it. For example, sauntering down a hallway may take an extra five seconds but the extra time gives our senses a chance to appreciate our environment.
Patty says that people seem to have forgotten how to take their time and to do things with intention. She says in order for our bodies to fully calibrate and integrate the information our minds know, we need daily practice. It reminds both our bodies and our minds that we are sensual beings.
We have to love being with ourselves because if we don't create the playful, sensual being in our own time we will feel like we are faking it when we attempt to embody it. If we practice a little every day, we build our confidence and we own the feeling when we want to be playful.
There is a way to walk that creates a bit more mystery and adds rhythm to our day. Having inner thigh awareness can shift the entire vibe of our body. The sensual, seductive feminine walks with inner thigh awareness.
Inner thigh awareness is considering every step you take has more to do with your behind than your front.
Women need to balance their mental, physical, and emotional selves. Our bodies are more than a transportation system for our heads. A slow drip is what allows us to appreciate a thing’s deliciousness. It is not wise to rush through everything.
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What kind of guys do you attract? Are you constantly attracting high-caliber guys? Or do you attract emotionally unavailable guys who keep you guessing about where the relationship is going or how they feel about you? In this episode of the Dating Den, Marni speaks with Brooke about the revelations she experienced during the 3-day Ignite Your Life event and how her life has changed since.
Key takeaways from this episode:
In August, Brooke invested in herself and joined the virtual Ignite Your Life event. She was self-aware enough to realize that emotionally available men were her type. She did not necessarily want that type of relationship in her life, but she recognized she kept attracting the same type of guy. This behavior allowed her to keep up her bad-ass facade and not get vulnerable with men.
Patterns from childhood were deeply ingrained, and as she worked on her non-negotiables she realized she could be completely vulnerable and still be safe. It made her feel stronger as a woman.
During Ignite Your Life, Brooke couldn’t get over the amount of support from the other women. They were women she had never met before, but they reached out to her and let her know she was not alone. Their feedback overwhelmed her.
“I was afraid to be vulnerable, but I figured I didn't have anything left to lose.” — Brooke
Brooke realized:
Brooke says when she enrolled in the event she was skeptical because she did not know she could live any other way. But, after day three, she came to some important realizations. She realized she needs positive affirmation, it is OK to ask for help and be vulnerable. She discovered an entire part of herself that got buried when she was a child. Brooke knows she can live a more stable and happy life.
Brooke says there may always be the part of her that will worry about being rejected, but now she understands being rejected is not so bad. Rejection means that person wasn't right for her. She is doing more to take care of herself to resurrect her true nature.
Brooke says she is still a work in progress but she is dating and dating with intention and vulnerability. People spend money on material things but they don't spend money on their interior, or self-care. It takes courage to crack yourself open and face the things that have been hidden.
Doing maintenance on your interior pays off in all other aspects of your life.
Brooke says she has fallen back into her old habits from time to time but the community from Ignite Your Life keeps her on track and offers her accountability.
She is currently dating two men. She is figuring out how she feels about each. She is dating to find someone who meets her non-negotiables. She says she finds dating more rewarding now that she does it with intention.
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Marni welcomes Dr. Thomas Jordan into the Den to discuss the revolutionary way to change the behavioral patterns that keep you single. His book, Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life, is a culmination of his 33-years as a psychotherapist who has helped individuals and couples enjoy more satisfying and longer-lasting relationships.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Dr. Jordan is devoted to the topic of love and love life difficulties. In working with individuals and couples, he noticed patterns. Many of the people made the same mistakes over and over again but were not conscious of their own patterns.
When a difficulty arose in his love life, he corrected it and wrote his book, Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life to help others.
Most people don't consciously know what they have learned about the love relationships in their lives.
Dr. Jordan’s 3-step Learning to Love Method
Dr. Jordan says it is common for people to generalize, aka the ‘all men are this’ statement, after getting hurt repeatedly. It is a defense mechanism the brain uses to protect us from future pains. How to release this and put an end to the repeating patterns is to ask yourself “What have I learned about love relationships that might be recreating some of this pattern in my love life that's not working?”
If you repeat something over and over in your love life and it is not working, chances are you learned something unconsciously and it is unhealthy.
If you identify a pattern that is causing repetitive disappointment, take a break. Take time to ponder what is moving your love life in the wrong direction. Once you have a conscious awareness you can venture back out into the dating scene.
Communication is the foundation of a healthy love relationship. Dr. Jordan says communication is how you get to know the person you are with and how they get to know you. Good communication is key to solving problems if/when they arise in the relationship.
All human beings have issues and faults.
It is impossible to change another person. Trying to change people in your love life is a bad idea. Dr. Jordan says in his 33-years of practice he has never met a person who successfully changed another person. If you want a healthy, long-lasting love life you must make the decision that the thing you want to change about the other person is not important enough to sacrifice the relationship.
If it is not, practice acceptance.
People tell you a lot about themselves when you first meet them but you have to be listening.
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On this week's Bachelorette recap, Marni and Chris react differently to the high stakes emotional capital that was spent. Chris teared up at homecoming but Marni didn't shed a tear. The guy who should be crying is Ben because he was sent home, but he doesn’t seem to have the emotional capacity to feel anything about it.
Key takeaways from this episode:
It is obvious that Tayisha is an amazing lady. She is mature and makes a solid effort to get to know the guys. Marni is surprised she let Ben go. The new front runner seems to be Zac, but neither Marni, no Chris care much for him. Chris believes Zac needs to stop reverting to making out when Tayisha asks him deep questions.
After Zac and Tayisha’s New-York-inspired date Zac tells his mother that he does want a family and does want a wife, since meeting Tayisha. Marni asks Chris if this is a real thing.
Does a guy just suddenly make major decisions about having a wife and family?
Chris says, yes it is true. The right lady has a way of opening stuff up within a guy and she can inspire him to be a different version of who he is. He says it is a crazy feeling when you are dating someone and a seal is broken. Then, you realize you are open to more possibilities. BUT, a woman can't change a man, it has to be the man’s idea.
Zac seems to keep Tayisha interested by being the most dangerous choice. Chris asks Marni why girls always seem to go for the dangerous guy. Marni explains that many women have an attachment style, like ‘anxious’ attachment. Basically, it means that if a woman didn't get the love she needed from a parent when she was a child you recreate the longing or tension in relationships. A woman will keep trying to get love from someone who does not want to open up. It's a familiar feeling that creates a pattern.
So, even though Ivan is a solid guy, sweet, fun, and playful, Tayisha doesn't seem to be attracted to him. Is there such a thing as a guy being too nice?
Chris said he enjoyed watching the interactions with the guys’ family members. He agrees that valuable information can be ascertained from meeting the family of the person you are dating.
But to whom will make the best groom? The choice is clear, at least to Marni and Chris. Both agree that Brendan seems to be husband material. He is genuine, he listens, he has a ‘real’ job, he is handsome, etc. What’s not to like? But, does Tayisha feel the same?
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Marni welcomes renowned Researcher and published Author, Dr. Richard Davidson into the Den to discuss how to increase connectedness and wellbeing during the COVID pandemic and beyond. Dr. Davidson offers daily practices to help transform our emotions and alter our ability to give and receive love and compassion.
Key takeaways from this episode:
For years, Dr. Davidson studied the adverse effects of stress and depression. He was interested in how to nudge people toward resilience, vulnerability, and other positive qualities but there was no baseline for the scientific research. His Holiness, The Dalai Lama called him out and asked him why he didn’t use his tools to study compassion. It was a wake-up call for Dr. Davidson. He began studying the positive side of the equation.
His Holiness had the orientation of figuring out what was right with people, not what is wrong with them.
It is difficult to conduct serious scientific research on emotions because they are complex human qualities.
The brain plays an important role in our emotions. If the brain has been damaged in some way it can impair emotions. It can have debilitating consequences in many areas of our lives. In dating, the decision to partner with someone is a huge decision. It is not a decision that is made only by calculation, it is made by consulting our emotions.
Four Key Pillars of Wellbeing
Research shows when we cultivate healthy habits it changes our brain in ways that allow wellbeing to endure.
If we spent as much time nurturing the positive qualities of our mind, as we do brushing our teeth, this world would be a different place.
We can transform our brains, they are not static. Every day our brains are changing based on the input it is receiving. When we have practices that focus on compassion and kindness we can alter and increase our wellbeing.
Dr. Davidson says we are in the midst of an epic struggle between the forces of fear and the forces of love. He believes love will win because love is at the core of who we are as human beings. We are socially connected creatures, and at the core of social connection is love.
We can socially connect to others during this pandemic and continue to follow the safety guidelines. Taking precautions by physically distancing and wearing masks is contributing to the greater good.
We have an opportunity to reclaim our true nature of love, kindness, and compassion.
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On this week's Bachelorette recap, Marni and Chris discuss Bennett’s triumphant return, Noah’s spry cleverness, Zach and Ben’s emotional struggles, and Tayshia’s confusing behavior when it comes to choosing a partner. While Tayshia seems to be doing a great job of extracting a guys’ true nature she appears to be leaning toward the guys most in need of repair.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Remember Bennett, the Harvard guy who is really sensible and smart but comes off a bit condescending when he tries to be vulnerable? Well, he is back to woo Tayshia. After his tumultuous departure, he comes back to apologize to Tayisha for judging her. Chris says he missed the big opportunity to explain the entire situation but it was a kind gesture. The question is does Bennett want to win or is he falling in love? The guy at the center of the controversy, Noah, is very clever and has more emotional intelligence than Bennett. But, Noah lies.
Another Tayshia favorite, Ben. has Marni a tad worried. Ben reveals he has tried to kill himself a couple of times in the last few years. He is being vulnerable but Marni questions his ability to be a long-term, reliable partner. His perfectionism may cause him to focus on what is wrong in life instead of what is right.
Ivan seems to be the most stable and emotionally available of all the guys.
Both Zach and Ben have struggled with demons in their past. Marni advises ‘if a guy is working on something be sure to give the relationship some time to see how it pans out. Don't rule someone out because they are dealing with a hardship”.
The Noah/Bennett clash gets heated when Noah points out that Bennett may be talking down to Tayshia. Chris asks Marni about dating someone who is superior in some aspects. Bennett is smart but instead of coming off as superior, most of the guys like him.
Some women love to date super smart guys while others are intimidated by them. Self-confidence is a factor.
Marni recalls the Gottman Institute’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse relationship red flags. One is being critical of your partner. It makes it hard to have a successful long-term relationship. If you get into a major tiff with a partner, engage in apologies, seek mutual understanding, then explore how you can improve interactions in the future.
Are you critical of the people you date?
Chris reveals his thoughts about when men date more than one person and how it differs from when women do it. He says “men are notorious for not having a disconnect about what goes on below the belt but women get attached.” He asks Marni’s opinion about women having several physical relationships at once.
Marni is all about dating multiple people at once. She says that women don’t need to tell guys they are dating other people. She adds “as long as you have your dignity, you can do what you want”.
Ladies, date at least two guys at a time so you don't feel like all your eggs are in one basket.
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Marni welcomes two ladies from the Dating with Dignity community who attended the Ignite Your Life virtual conference, Connie and Annette. The pair share their dating experiences before attending the conference, what they learned at the conference, and tips for other women who are considering enrolling in the upcoming Ignite Your Life virtual event.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Annette and Connie both listened to the Dating Den Podcast before deciding to take the plunge and enroll in the Ignite Your Life Program.
Annette had been on a self-imposed 2-year dating hiatus before joining. She was frustrated with dating because she wasn't meeting quality men. The last few guys she dated before her “break” turned her off of dating. She was okay by herself for a while but the pandemic made it clear to her that she wanted someone in her life.
Connie was married for a long time. She was hoping her guy would just magically show up when the elevator doors opened. She was dating and meeting a lot of nice guys, but she would rule guys out before she would rule them in. She felt like she was going around in circles. She would consult with her married girlfriends about what was normal while dating, but they didn't know. She admits she was clueless about dating. It was scary for her to put herself out there and be vulnerable. After being married for so long, she felt exposed out in the world.
The pandemic gave single ladies a chance to focus on their priorities and decide what they wanted from life and love.
Annette decided to attend the Ignite Your Life event because she was intrigued to be with other women who were going through the same thing she was.
When you downplay your singleness or find shame in being alone, events can be an opportunity to connect.
Connie wanted to uncover something she wasn't seeing. She trusted it when something inside of her said ‘sign up for this’. Once she was in it, she felt open and excited. She had a great time. She says she felt 3-feet higher every day. She did not realize how she was acting and reacting on dates. Listening to other women made her feel not alone. Being part of the community offered her much more than a book, or a video.
Annette says her biggest shift, after the IYL event, is that she started showing up for herself and applying what she learned. It gave her a chance to think about the things she was struggling with. It gave her the tools to help her to move forward.
Connie found it uncomfortable on the first day to reveal what may have been holding her back and to be vulnerable. While it was hard for her, she knew she had to keep going. She uses the analogy of popping a zit. It wasn't fun but it was necessary.
Both women were able to unbottle their emotions and trust the process.
What you reveal, you can heal.
Marni asks if Connie and Annette have any tips for other ladies who are thinking about enrolling in the event. Connie says she is thankful that it showed up in her life and she would have done it sooner had she known about it. Annette’s response mirrors Connies. She wouldn't have waited as long if she had heard about it earlier and she definitely would not have taken the break from dating.
You are worth the investment so jump in with both your head and your heart.
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Marni and Chris discuss Tayshia’s brilliant idea to extract the guys' vulnerability by asking them to create a physical representation of themselves in the form of an art project. This revealing episode of the Bachelorette divulges secrets and sensitive information the guys may not have been comfortable sharing before.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Chris admits this episode made him nervous because the guys had to get super vulnerable during the art project. But, surprisingly, they shed their protective layers and even bonded with each other. Most of the guys talked about how uncomfortable it was to talk about their feelings, but they did it for Tayshia.
The key to a quality guy is that he will get uncomfortable because he wants to make you happy or create a connection with you.
In an unusual move, during the art project, Ben drops his robe to the floor and, with a hand over his private parts, says to Tayshia ‘I want you to see all of me’. It was received well by Tayshia, but to the other guys and viewers, it may have seemed a little douchey. What we learned later was that Ben struggled with bulimia and this was an extremely vulnerable move.
Marni says she likes Brené Brown’s definition of vulnerability. “When you say or do something and you don't know what the outcome will be, but you say or do it anyway.”
If you are an irresistible woman you will inspire a guy to be his best self.
Should a girl rule out a guy because they are recovering from an addiction or has had bad relationships? Chris and Marni are on the fence about the issue. Chris says it depends on whether or not the guy is still stuck in the victim mentality or whether he is actively working on his issues.
Marni says that we are all humans and most people have baggage but if we are truly interested in the person it is important to consider how the person is navigating through it and ultimately what their core values are.
Ladies, if a guy has secrets, be curious, but cautious.
Bennet was one of those in the early episodes that came on strong as a possible winner. He is the smart, handsome Harvard guy. But in this episode, he just won’t leave young Noah alone. Marni says he shows his true colors and while he might seem like the ideal date he comes off like a bad boss who does more harm than good.
Chris adds that even though Bennet is handsome, he is no Clark Kent. Superman wouldn't pick a battle with a lesser opponent.
Bachelorette, Tayshia is confident and mature, so when Eazy shared his strong feelings early in the game she looked a tad uncomfortable. Why would Eazy say that he could see Tayshia as his wife and that he was falling in love with her instead of waiting it out?
It may have seemed nice at first but the pair had not yet talked about their values. Chris and Marni agree that it was way too early for Eazy to share his feelings of love. His being sent home afterward was almost expected.
In dating, it is not about hooking a fish. A relationship is about the long play.
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Marni welcomes a leading expert in women's wellness and menopause Dr. Mache Seibel into the Den. Dr. Mache is a member of the Harvard Medical Faculty, author of the bestselling book, The Estrogen Fix, and editor of the #1 magazine for midlife women, Hot Years Mag.com.
As a gynecologist, Dr. Mache was a leading expert in infertility. He has published over 200 scientific articles and 17 books.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Regardless of who you are, as a woman, there is no getting away from menopause. No matter how you try to avoid it, it is going to happen. It is part of the normal cycle of life. The trick, says Dr. Mache, is to be prepared. Many women believe menopause is something that happens to older women, but the average age in the U.S. is 45-55. And, up to 10% of women go into menopause before the age of 45. 1% of women hit menopause before the age of 40!
For most women, they suddenly begin having foggy brain, hot flashes, lack of libido, sleep problems, etc. But, the medical definition of menopause is one year of no menstruation.
Dr. Seibel says women who figure out how to ease or reduce the symptoms of menopause are more likely to have a smoother transition. Healthy foods, time spent with friends, and plenty of sleep are all effective ways of reducing symptoms.
Ladies, figure out menopause, don’t tough it out! For almost every symptom there is a partial solution to ease it.
If you do not feel motivated to date or don't feel sexy, Dr. Mache says it is common for vaginal tissues to get drier and thinner as women age. These symptoms can be remedied with local treatments. Nobody should have to endure painful sex! If it causes stress within your relationship, it is a problem. It is a medical condition that should be addressed.
Sexual issues or hypo-active sexual desire disorder means you are still interested in sex but it isn’t pleasurable.
The good news is, if you feel apathetic or disinterested in sex, you can do something about it. It's a medical problem. But, there are treatments for you to get your mojo back. Explain how you are feeling to your doctor. Don’t be timid. That is what a doctor is there for.
The most important organ for sex is your brain.
Many women believe menopause equals weight gain, but do reduced hormones really cause them to gain weight? Studies show estrogen limits the amount of weight gain. As a woman goes through menopause, she loses about 3% of her metabolism every decade. If she eats the same calories every decade of her life, slowly, she will gain a dress size.
Dr. Mache shares that fat cells migrate from where they are to new locations like the thighs and hips, or causing muffin tops. Maintaining a certain weight requires great control. Women in menopause should pay more attention to the foods they eat.
When you do not get enough sleep, you make more of the hormone that tells you you are hungry.
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Curious conversations with substance, a girl who collects data and has fun, could this be the closest real dating experience a reality show has ever produced? A shelter in place order at a La Quinta Inn reveals opportunities for Tayshia to make real connections. Marni and Chris Gillis unpack this revolutionary episode of the Bachelorette.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Tayshia’s one-on-one date with Ivan was incredibly vulnerable. It’s important to note, this was a no technology affair. The pair played games and opened up about their feelings the exact things people should do to get to know one another. They had a great time without a single screen in the room.
When Tayshia shared her feelings about being bi-racial in 2020 and the BLM movement she got emotional. Some tears were shed. Ivan wasn’t sure what to do, it was hard for him to be with her and her emotions without trying to solve them or fix them. It was vulnerable for her to share her experience and it created intimacy between the two.
An outpouring of emotion leaves a guy wondering how he can fix the issue.
Tayshia made the most of the Truth or Dare game. She asked good dating questions. She collected data, she was curious, and she truly listened to the responses.
Chris says “If a girl is honest about the questions she asks, a guy will tell you exactly who they are.”
Both Marni and Chris were perplexed by Tayshia giving a rose to Zac because he never let his guard down. Could she be interested in emotionally unavailable guys? Zac had trouble asking straight-forward questions. Is Tayshia enticed by mystery men? Is the chemistry so hot she forgot about her values?
Hot, off-the-bat chemistry has often landed girls with a jerk of a guy.
It makes sense that if fairy tales were the only love guidance we received as girls, we expect guys to fulfill our every desire. But, does the right guy have to be a knight in shining armor?
The structure of the show regrettably promotes the guys proving themselves to Tayshia. But as Marni points out, Tayshia is dating several guys at once, and at the end of the day, the guy with initiative will stand out in the crowd.
In the real dating world, Marni recommends the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy and not sharing that you are dating other people when a guy asks you out.
Women tend to be unconsciously looking for reasons to rule a guy out. Train your brain to rule him in before he rules himself out.
Chris says “Yes, guys are wired differently. So, be direct with them.” He adds that guys are constantly in problem-solving mode. And oftentimes, girls just want to be heard and listened to compassionately, not necessarily fixed.
His advice for ladies, if you do tell a guy to do something he will take it literally. Most men don't see beyond the surface. They miss out on the poetry and the layers you may be feeling.
Guys say what they mean and mean what they say. It is not open to interpretation!
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In this intense coaching episode, Marni gets real about what is keeping Layne enamored with a guy she has only met four times in six years. What they uncover together is that Layne keeps this relationship in her life because she has traumatic wounding from childhood she hasn’t been able to heal.
Key takeaways from this episode:
For six years, Layne has been in a long-distance relationship with a guy who she has only seen in person four times. She is exhausted from pining for a person who gives so little of himself. She keeps herself ‘on the market’ for someone else via online dating but her heart always goes back to him.
Layne describes her crush as an artist. The last time they met was at one of his art installations and they didn’t even kiss. She says she went no contact for a while but he was still on her mind. He makes intermittent contact, but she wants more.
Marni recognizes immediately that the guy makes just enough effort to leave breadcrumbs. She lets Layne know the truth, “If he is truly interested he is going to be more than just a little flirty.”
Layne admits she would rather have a guy whose words match his actions but she is having a hard time finding a guy she has chemistry with. She over-analyzes every conversation and contact with him. She doesn't voice how she feels and she has never been vulnerable with him. She finds it acceptable to be the cool girl.
In order to have a healthy relationship, you have to have emotional safety.
Marni offers Layne some hard-core dating advice:
Layne needs to understand why she has been able to live off of crumbs for so long. And, look at why she continues to be challenged in love and relationships. Maybe, the universe holds more for her?
Layne finally opens up and shares that she felt abandoned by her mother at a very young age. She was left with her grandparents. Her inner child has a big wound she has yet to heal.
Marni empathizes with her and says it sucks to not feel wanted but that is the reason her brain is playing the pattern over and over again. It is trying to protect her from hurt again. Layne needs to love her little ‘who’ through her pain.
The bottom line is while there is a connection with this one guy, Layne should realize she is capable of making a much bigger connection with a guy who is emotionally available when she heals her hurts.
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Marni and Chris Gillis unpack the latest episode of the Bachelorette. The new Bachelorette, Tayshia, is a breath of fresh air on the dating scene. She is playfully collecting evidence about all the guys and having a great time in the process. During this episode, Marni points out what Tayshia is doing right and how some of the guys are missing the mark.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Marni and Chris express how great it is to see Tayshia, the new Bachelorette, work through the dating process with dignity. Marni points out that she doesn't get overly invested in, or attached to any one particular guy and she seems genuinely interested in finding out who is her best value match.
The key to Tayshia’s winning dating protocol is that she gives all the guys an equal chance. If she notices chemistry growing with a guy she plays and flirts but is still committed to finding matching values. She is data dating.
Past Bachelorettes have mistaken lust for love and lust.
Marni shares a big coaching tip, “Ladies when someone asks you how are you still single, tell your story. Say you are selective, and about the time you spent time building a career or traveling.” Then finish with, ‘but now I am ready'. Chris reminds us not to worry about where you are in your life or if you have found someone or not. Guys understand because many of them are single too.
During the episode, Tayshia asks Noah to shave off his facial hair, aka The ‘stache. Marni asks Chris if it is acceptable to ask someone to change the way they look when dating. Chris doesn't think it’s OK to ask someone to change. He says if a woman really wants a change she should find a way to reward a guy if he changes his look without making it an ultimatum.
Taisha asks Noah “I wonder what your face would look like without that mustache?”
Dating Den Facebook Group Discussion Point: Marni asks “Do you think 'smokeshow' is a derogatory term?” Go to the FB page to share your thoughts.
One of the guys, Ed, wants to share something with Tayshia about one of the other guys. He is sincere when he tells her but it could be construed that he is talking behind the other guy’s back. Did Ed handle it the best way possible?
Chris says he wouldn't want to hear it forcefully, or blurted out, especially if it is a delicate situation. He recommends bringing up feedback like you would like to hear it yourself. If you have a similar situation or can relate to the issue, be honest, and open about what it is and share your concerns. Chris says, if a guy is into you, he will go into hero mode to make sure the situation is rectified.
Marni recalls the Gottman Group's Gentle Startup technique. Start a delicate conversation with a feeling and voice your concern thoughtfully.
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Marni welcomes Jen into the Dating Den. When 55-year-old Jen first joined Marni’s program, she was unmarried Jen . How did it happen that within 10 months she was married? Jen followed the process, did the work, and got clear about what she wanted in a relationship. During this episode, Jen shares how the lessons she learned in the program affect her life daily and how she met her husband.
Key takeaways from this episode:
For many years, Jen had been in a 23-year marriage that produced six children and ended in divorce. She then had a 5-year relationship that ended in a broken engagement. Jen knew she was ready to date again but was discouraged. She wanted a quality relationship but felt lost. What she was lacking was a plan.
When Jen heard about Marni’s program her confidence was at an all-time low. She realized if she continued to do the same things she would get the same results. So, she embraced Marni’s positive energy and decided to jump in with both feet.
Many women don't believe it is possible to have an effective dating process. In reality, it isn't that much different from any other vision or intention you have for your life.
Jen had previously seen a counselor but it didn’t help her to create a concrete action plan.
Jen admits to being skeptical when first signing up. She did not tell her friends or family what she was doing in case it was too good to be true.
But, once she committed herself, Jen started sharing the information she was learning with everyone she knew. She says she felt confident she was getting the guidance she needed.
Jen’s kids began to notice her increased confidence level and mentioned it to her often. She says she felt more self-assured and started to understand her internal processes better. She started voicing her wants and needs and she clearly laid-out her non-negotiables.
Jen launched her dating strategy. She returned to Match.com, but this time it felt different. She went on a few dates before meeting THE guy who shared her values. Following the process brought her value-based, non-negotiables into focus.
“This time, dating was different because now I was clear about what I wanted.”
Jen and Tim built a relationship together. For her, his words matched his actions. For him, she released her fears and trust issues and committed herself to him and their relationship. She describes her life now as peaceful and full of joy and confidence. She shares her
Jen continues to practice the lessons she learned in the program. Self-love and self-appreciation are now part of her daily routine. Her advice for other women looking for a quality relationship, ‘trust the process’ and ‘there is hope’.
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Marni and Chris discuss the passing off of the baton from Clare to Tayisha, the difference in the style of two Bachelorettes, and how wonderful it is to finally get to know the guys on the show.
Key takeaways from this episode:
It took a total of nine days for Clare to meet, fall in love, and get engaged to Dale. Marni says while love, at first sight is possible, a solid relationship may require more than love.
Both Marni and Chris agree that Clare is setting Dale up for failure. She speaks for him and over him. She makes him out to be her knight in shining armor and her savior. We all know where that leads to right? It may make Dale feel like Superman now, down the road, when things get tough, it will always feel like he was the one who let things get sour. It’s too much responsibility for a guy. A relationship should be a partnership.
When you are in a partnership, people notice an opportunity to be part of a team and to shine in what they are good at.
Later in the show, we are introduced to the new Bachelorette, Tayisha. She is instantly liked and the guys flock around her good energy. In contrast to Clare, Tayisha is a breath of fresh air. Chris discusses the characteristics that make her irresistible.
During her first date with Brendan, Tayisha says that she wants to be a mother and would like a lot of kids. Brendan replies in kind saying that being a Dad is important to him too. Chris and Marni discuss the flow of the conversation and why it wasn’t too soon for the pair to bring up their values and goals about a family.
When you have the right person, you can negotiate the details as a team.
Brenden's great move was being vulnerable when he brought up his divorce. When a woman thinks a guy is funny, smart, well-rounded, or kind, their attractiveness factor goes way up.
Vulnerability creates chemistry and connection.
And sadly, we had to say goodbye to the guy Chris Gillis has a man-crush on, cute, honest, manly, emotionally-available, Jason. He announced he had feelings for Clare and he didn’t feel right taking up one of the other guy’s time with Tayisha.
A quality guy will tell you the truth even if it's bad news.
Dating Tips from this Bachelorette Episode:
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Marni welcomes Michal Stawicki into the Den to discuss how to become the person you want to be. Michal is on a mission to support individuals who feel helpless, to expand beyond their limits to regain control over their lives. After years of not being fulfilled or content in his life, Michal read The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. The book inspired him to change his life.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Michal points out that staying in the same place can give us the illusion of comfort but we end up with semi-pleasurable substitutions. To have the life we want we have to make real substantial changes. No one else can do it for us. We have to step up to the challenge and take actions that lead us to our goals.
Meditation and journaling help us to become self-aware of our internal needs. Michal recalls beating himself up and what a waste of time it was.
Are you spending too much time needlessly beating yourself up?
If you can connect to your purpose or your why it can guide you during the moments when you feel like giving up or giving in. Making a personal mission statement is the constitution of who you want to be and the things you want for yourself.
You will never achieve your dreams by accident.
You can not start a journey and expect it to end if you do not know where you are going. You will never achieve your dreams by accident. If you want something, no one else will fight for it for you. No one else can make changes in your life. We may not be able to change our lives overnight but we can take daily steps toward our final goals.
Diminish your negative dialogue. Release the excuses, justifications, and rationale that is keeping you from acting in your best interest. Start by imagining who you want to become. Imagine how your life will be when you become that person. Write it down. Writing things helps them solidify into your reality. They become real things instead of concepts.
Even the smallest amount of joy acts like a vaccine against dark thoughts.
Tips to Change Your Mindset & Rewire Your Brain:
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Marni, Man Panelist Chris Gillis, and special guest Dr. Emily discuss what happened in week four of The Bachelorette, including how Claire went from single to engaged to Dale at breakneck speed. What kind of relationship will they have and what should the other guys think about it?
Key takeaways from this episode:
It took Claire all of five seconds to make herself believe that Dale is THE one. However, she may be wrapped up in the ‘knight in shining armor syndrome’. Because of our upbringing or childhood fairy tales, it’s easy for some of us to launch into our dates thinking that a guy is supposed to sweep us off of our feet.
Therapist Emily says that as teenagers we have physiological, biological, and emotional drivers that we don’t know how to handle because the executive part of our brain isn’t fully formed. The team says that Claire may have been experiencing 'skin hunger' and it may have escalated and triggered her immediate physical attraction to Dale.
Chris offers that Claire may be stuck in arrested development. She is relying on the idea of what she thinks love should be.
Studies show that when we search for a connection we can find connection with anybody, even a person we despise.
Moving too fast with a guy can sabotage what may have been a real relationship. It's a giant scary red flag. A high-quality guy will feel like the relationship is manufactured and he is being pushed and rushed.
Emily points out that it is important to discern between the statement "I'm falling in love” and “I am in love". In Claire’s case, she leads the witness over and over again. Marni wonders if Dale is considering his contract and his Instagram followers more than a long-term relationship at this stage.
Remember, women speak in 21,000 words a day and men only speak in 7000. It’s a good idea to give your date a chance to tell you about themselves. Pay attention to the excessive amount of words Claire used in her ‘I love you’ speech.
Marni poses the question, if you have a crush, obsession, or unrequited love is it possible and be open to dating someone else?
Chris says it would be hard to pivot from one person to another after you just opened up and expressed your desires to someone else. He says guys generally close up and need time before getting back in the game.
So, how can we show up as our best selves after someone rejects us? Marni points out that there is a lot we can learn from rejection, but the most important thing to remember is that it's not personal.
Chris says if someone rejects us we should be open to their honest feedback as we can learn a lot from it. It gives us the unique opportunity to decide what to take from it and let the rest go.
If you are attracted to someone and they don’t reciprocate don't beat yourself up about it and don’t give it meaning.
Dating Advice from this Episode:
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The Bachelorette is back! Marni and Man Panelist Chris Gillis are back to break down this week’s jaw-dropping episode. They comment on the drama, the expectations, and the missed opportunities for connection and transform it into dating guidance.
Key takeaways from this episode:
The latest Bachelorette, Clare Crawley, asked the guys to take off their clothes on national television. She makes it known she wants a man to pursue her and court her properly.
When contestant, Yosef voices his valid concerns to Clare he is confronted with a strong reaction. He says “Maybe, this isn’t a match”. Clare wants to be pursued and she doesn’t feel that the guys are into her because they don’t meet her expectations.
Chris makes the point that when a woman calls out a man for not being assertive enough the subtext is that she needs to be constantly reminded of her value. If her value is based on what a guy thinks no man can make her feel worthy. He says she says ‘I'm strong’ but appears needy. It's exhausting to watch and no guy wants to sign up for that.
Marni points out that Clare was leaking fear, doubt, and insecurity and she reminds us to consider, when are our standards and expectations just ways to make guys wrong or not good enough.
So, is Yosef a strong guy or is he vengeful? It is hard to know if he is a jerk or in it for the right reasons.
Dale is super handsome but could Clare have known he was her future partner from just seeing him one time? Marni believes Clare built up pseudo-intimacy and a narrative in her mind about who Dale is. Clare can’t possibly know if she and Dale share the same values after just one look.
Dale talks a lot about the Bro Code but his actions don't match.
A report from The Gottman Institute shows 69% of issues in a relationship are perpetual. Clare doesn’t seem to be curious about any of the guys, even Dale. She is full-steam ahead, hurrying her way through the process.
Chris describes a past relationship where his ex-girlfriend was looking for Prince Charming. It was a no-win situation. The girl puts her happiness in the hands of the guy and the guy can never live up to saving her because she needs to save herself. Clare has these tendencies.
When you do not resolve your core issues, they play over and over again in your relationships.
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Marni coaches a self-proclaimed chronically single woman who used to run a Jewish singles company. Even though Susan has organized meet-ups and networking events there is still something holding her back from meeting a guy with the qualities she wants. This episode is for the ladies who don’t attract men at their level.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Pre-COVID, Susan used to go on 3-5 first dates a month. But, since the pandemic, she feels that many guys are just looking for hookups right now. She even had to deal with someone who chastised her for what they believed to be her political stance.
Her pattern is to go through a series of short relationships for a few months and then return to being single again. She wants someone who is driven and passionate about life.
Marni uncovers that Susan may be intellectually confident her unconscious beliefs that she is not worthy may come into play when she meets a guy.
When dating, if your worthiness is dependent on external validation then how likely is it you can be resilient, show up confident, and be rejection proof?
Susan’s love shield is marred by the shame message, or the internalized negative parent voice, that she is not enough. When we have a message instilled into us in childhood, we either attract people or experiences into our life that reinforce the message because it's familiar.
As children, we believe what our parents tell us about ourselves even if it doesn’t sit well with us. Because our brains aren’t able to support independent thought at that time. If our parents don’t supply us with unconditional love we feel unworthy of it.
Susan attracts men who are not at her level because she knows she can be in control and not have to worry about being enough. Unconsciously, she thinks ‘what does it matter’ this isn’t going anywhere anyway.
We attract people or experiences into our lives based on our childhood wounding.
She is not doing it from a place of intention. She is leaking. To shift her outcomes in dating, she needs to heal her childhood wounding. Intellectually, she believes she is worthy of a fabulous person to love and that she will find the person for her but her wounded inner child is still running the show.
To be with someone who is at your level is to expose your vulnerability.
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Marni graces us with a solo episode today about how to get your beautiful, authentic self into the top 10% of the dating pool.
Key takeaways from this episode:
When a guy sees you as confident and self-reliant he knows you don’t need him to make yourself feel important, seen, known, whole, and loveable. He will be attracted to the fact that he can give you all of his love but you can fill up your own tank. This is the key to adding to each other's lives.
Men want to believe that their life will be enhanced if you are in it. If you are leaking your unconscious limiting beliefs you are just showing up without a strategy. When you go out on a date a man can recognize that you aren't comfortable in your own skin.
A quality guy doesn't want to be emotionally responsible for making you whole.
Remember, your unresolved and unhealed childhood wounds keep you emotionally stuck. You may have intellectually done the work, but it may be unresolved emotionally.
When you don't feel emotionally safe it is hard to be vulnerable and to have boundaries. And, true emotional confidence comes from feeling emotionally safe. This is how you uncover your true authentic self.
How do you react to things? How do you interpret emails and texts? How do you armor up to protect yourself from rejection?
Look at the process underneath your behavior? Are you coming from an emotionally wounded place? For the man who thinks you are amazing and attractive if you are emotionally leaking it may not be something he can sustain for the long term.
When you communicate your full, authentic self. It comes through in your body language, energy, and essence. This is what is irresistible to men.
Take an honest assessment of yourself and find the gaps. It is in the gaps that you can create your intention. Fill yourself up with self-love.
Where do you need to do the work?
How can you feel completely safe so you allow more of yourself to be present? How can you allow more of your yummy, delicious, authentic self to be present? What is getting in the way of you being in the top 10% percent?
Remember, it is not how old you are, it's not the weight on the scale, it's not where you live... those are convenient justifications.
When you exude confidence. You attract the high-quality guy and you will commit yourself to each other.
Make a Connection:
Join Our Dating Den Facebook Community Here!
Learn how to attract your perfect equal...watch our latest training here!
Interested in working with us? Book a Breakthrough session at DWDVIP
Get a Free Coaching Session with Marni on Our Podcast - Sign up Here to Be a Guest On Our Show
Download a Complimentary Copy of our Book - How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates